Go from friend to girlfriend or friend to boyfriend.
How do you motivate a friend to be “more than friends”? How do you move forward from “just friends” to girlfriend, boyfriend, partner, or lover? How do you escape the “friend zone”?
I often get questions like these from readers asking how to get out of the friend zone. I have also been watching the new MTV show Friend Zone lately. So, I’ve decided to share my own advice on how to transition from being just a friend to a girlfriend, or just a friend to a boyfriend. Read on and learn how to go from a friend to a lover with a few simple techniques.
What Is “the Friend Zone”?
For those who don’t know the term, “the friend zone” refers to a situation where one individual in a friendship develops more intense feelings and wants to become “more than friends” with the other person. More often than not, the other person is unaware of the friend’s desires and quite happy in the friendship-only arrangement. As a result, the person is “stuck” in the friend zone, unable to transition from just friend to girlfriend or boyfriend.
Being stuck in a friendship and wanting more can be a frustrating position. Sometimes this frustration is sexually motivated, with one friend desiring a physical relationship with the other. On other occasions, the friends are already sexually involved (i.e. friends-with-benefits), but there is a motivation to transition into a “relationship” as a committed girlfriend or boyfriend. In other instances, both motivations play a role. Nevertheless, in any case, wanting more than you are currently getting is a heart-wrenching situation. The friend zone is not an easy place to live!
Why Does the Friend Zone Happen?
Before I help you get out of the friend zone, we first need to discuss why people get stuck there in the first place. Essentially, all relationships are social exchanges (for more, see here). This means that people set up give-and-take agreements, usually without discussion, to get what they want from the other person and give what they are willing to give.
When someone gets stuck in the friend zone, they have entered into an exchange friendship that isn’t even. The other person is getting everything he/she wants. but the person stuck in the friend zone isn’t. In a nutshell, the friend zone person sold himself or herself short. They gave their “friend” everything, without making sure they got everything they wanted in return.
Let’s look at some examples to make this point clear.
Bob and Jenny are friends. As “friends,” Bob pretty much does everything for Jenny. He takes her places, buys her things, listens to all of her problems, and helps her out of trouble. Bob, however, wants to be Jenny’s boyfriend. Jenny, though, isn’t interested because she’s having all of her “boyfriend” needs met by Bob, without having to meet his. She can be free, non-committed, and still have all of Bob’s effort. That is why Bob is in the friend zone.
Sally and Pat are friends-with-benefits. They hang out and hook up. Sally, however, wants to be in a real relationship with Pat. Pat, in contrast, is happy to just hook up. Pat is being sexually fulfilled, without having to meet Sally’s commitment needs. The exchange isn’t in Sally’s favor and she has nothing left to bargain with. Therefore, she’s stuck in the friend zone.
How to Escape the Friend Zone
To escape the friend zone, you must first realize that all relationships involve negotiation—and you are attempting to “re-negotiate” the current exchange. Essentially, you want “more” from the other person. Most likely, you are already giving too much and what you really want is for them to balance the scales.
Fortunately, there are a few principles that do indeed balance the scales. Using those principles, we can devise a few steps to get you out of the friend zone:
1) Be Less Interested – The relationship is already imbalanced because you value it more than the other person. Take a step back. Being “needy” is no way to negotiate. Desperate people end up with what others give them, not what they want. So, be less interested and ready to walk away if you don’t get the relationship you want. Those who are more willing to walk away have the power to guide the relationship (called the “Least Interested Principle” – Waller & Hill, 1951).
2) Make Yourself Scarce – Spend some time away from your “friend” and do less for them. If they truly appreciate you, then your absence will make them miss you and want you more. This is the principle of scarcity—where people value something more when it is rare or taken away from them (Cialdini, 2009). When you are no longer around as much or tending to their needs, they will most likely feel the loss. This may increase their desire for you and their willingness to meet your needs back. If it doesn’t, then they are just “not that into you.” In that case, find another “friend.”
3) Create Some Competition – Go out and make some other “friends” of the sex you are attracted to. Broaden your social network. Then, talk about these new friends with the friend you desire. Competition and a little jealousy are another great way to develop scarcity (Cialdini, 2009). People value more what they think they might lose. If you are busy with other people, you might just find your friend a bit more eager and motivated for your time and attention. If you don’t see any jealousy though, then they might not want to be “more than friends.” In that case, set your sights on someone new!
4) Get Them to Invest – Ask your friend to do things for you. Contrary to popular belief, people like you more when they do favors for you, rather than when you do the favor for them (for more, see here). This is called the Ben Franklin Effect (Jecker & Landry, 1969). The more they invest in the relationship, the more you will mean to them. So, stop doing favors . and start asking for them. Get them to give you a ride, study with you, fix something, etc.
5) Be Rewarding – Don’t forget to be grateful and reward your friend when they behave as you desire. After they are good to you, remember to be good to them back. Always remember to keep an environment of mutual gratitude flowing, too (see here).
Taking It From There
From those first steps, it is a matter of changing the actual relationship, either by asking the question directly or indirectly. Perhaps you’d like to indirectly ask them out on a real date (see here)? Maybe you’d prefer the direct approach (see here and here)? Or, perhaps a conversation is more your way (see here)? In any case, find a way to either directly or indirectly ask for what you want.
It is possible to dig out of an uneven, “friend zone” exchange with a little persuasion and influence. Just remember to focus on your own worth, don’t be desperate, and be willing to walk away. Allow some space for the other person to miss you. Make some friends outside of that friendship. Finally, let that friend invest in you and reward them for it. If they truly value you in their life, then they will be much more likely to take the relationship to the next level. If they don’t, you already have some new friends, your self-respect, and one foot out the door.
© 2011 by Jeremy S. Nicholson, M.A., M.S.W., Ph.D. All rights reserved.
Cialdini, R. (2009). Influence: Science and practice. Boston: Allyn and Bacon.
Jecker, J., & Landy, D. (1969). Liking a person as function of doing him a favor. Human Relations, 22, 371-378.
Waller, W. W., & Hill, R. (1951). The family, a dynamic interpretation. New York: Warner Books.
By Kate Spring
So you’ve been friend zoned by a girl you have a crush on.
You want to be more than friends but she treats you like a little brother.
Is there any way out of the friend zone?
Most guys have been stuck here at some point in their lives… and yes, it definitely sucks.
But even though she only sees you as “just a friend,” there are ways you can change your image and make her sexually attracted to you.
If you properly apply what I tell you, she’ll be wanting to hook up with you (and she’ll think that it was her idea).
How To Escape The Friend Zone
Yes, the distance between her seeing you as “just a friend” and a guy she wants to have sex with is divided by a very fine line.
First, we have to analyze what you’re doing right now that’s making her see you as just a friend.
Mistake #1: You’re Just WAY Too Nice to Her
You take time out of your day to make her happy. You’re that typical “nice guy.” You’re bending over backwards to please her.
As nice as this seems, it doesn’t create sexual attraction. This doesn’t make her want to have sex with you.
By trying hard to please this girl, you’re essentially putting her up on a hypothetical pedestal, and while she might enjoy this sort of dynamic, she can’t see you as an equal from up there.
You might argue that women always say they want a “kind-hearted” man, and this is true, but it’s just not that one-dimensional.
Mistake #2: Your Level of Neediness is Off the Charts
You ask her to hang out way too much. You always want to talk to her. You always have this burning desire to text her, Facebook her, e-mail her, etc.
This is just not what an attractive guy does. At times, it might even make her think you’re “creepy.”
It may sound harsh but this is the kick in the butt you need.
Mistake #3: You Show Signs of Jealousy and Possessiveness
Is she hanging out with other friends? Maybe another guy? If you’re friend zoned, it’s probably because you’re showing signs of jealousy.
This is a massive turn off for her and solidifies her decision to keep you in the dreaded friend zone.
I’m not saying you have to control your emotions but you can’t let her know that you’re feeling this way. Don’t message her asking who she’s asking hanging out with.
In fact, it’s best to do whatever you can to act like you don’t care.
Mistake #4: You Respect Her TOO Much
You say “yes” to her way too often. You do whatever she wants to do. You respect her decisions way too much. In fact, chances are, you probably let her make all the decisions.
Guys who are attractive don’t let women do this for them.
Essentially, based on these four things, you need to stop treating this girl like gold. As weird and counterintuitive as it may sound, you need to start treating her worse.
What you’ve been taught in magazines, movies and TV shows is just a sham. The key to building romantic attraction (and not friendship) is to start acting like a man.
Attractive Traits That Make Women Want You Romantically
Now that you know what not to do, here are some things that will make you more attractive to her.
Tip #1: Start Hanging Out With Other People, Especially Women
Yes, you guys are “best friends,” sure, and you don’t want to lose that, but that doesn’t mean you can’t start hanging out with other people.
When you do this, you’ll send her a subtle (yet effective) message telling her, “I like you, but you don’t mean everything to me.”
Not only this, but women in general are attracted to men with a lot of friends. It’s true, so use this psychological tactic to your advantage.
Tip #2: Begin Making Her Ridiculously Jealous
Along the lines of tactic #1, make her jealous. The next time she asks you to hang out with her, say that you can’t and that you’re hanging out with that cute girl from work.
Don’t make this sound weird, just tell her about your plans casually and let her know that you’ll hang out at some point in the near future. Then, sit back and watch this make her really jealous.
Tip #3: Tell Her About All the Other Girls Who Are Chasing You
Okay, don’t BS too much here, but make it known that a couple of girls may be fighting over you. This is a trick that’s called “pre-selection.”
It means that if a girl knows that a lot of girls are after you, she will become naturally more attracted to you. This isn’t hogwash I’m feeding you, this is real science.
Tip #4: Start Flirting with Her
Touch her. Tease her. Playfully push her shoulder. Playfully hold her hand. “Accidentally” bump into her.
Don’t be afraid to get a little touchy-feely with her. This is how you seduce a girl, and it will sure as hell work.
Remember that the main difference between being friends with a girl and banging her is about attraction.
If she becomes attracted to you in a sexual manner, she’ll want you to be her boyfriend. It’s as simple as that. But first you have to shake that image of yourself.
Tip #5: Tell Her a Sex Story
Tell her about you having sex with some gorgeous girl in the past. Tell her all the details (but make sure you have a reason to tell her about all of this stuff, otherwise she’ll be creeped out).
You want her to think of you as a ‘sexual being’ and that she’s missing out on this side of you.
Tip #6: Use Reverse Psychology
Say things like this to her from time to time…
“You know what? I’m glad you’re just a friend. I don’t think I could ever date you.”
“This is why we’re just friends — I don’t think we’d ever work out.”
“You are just such a good friend and I just can’t see you in any other way.”
By saying things like this, she’ll start wondering why you can’t see her in any other way. This will make her want to prove you wrong.
Escaping The Friend Zone Is A Mind Game
Thanks to the tips I’ve explained above, you know how to escape from friend-zone hell… so now, it’s up to you to actually put these things into practice.
You can’t continue to bend over backwards for a girl, compliment her every chance you get, and display traits that cause women to mentally categorize you as “friend material”.
It’s time to use the power of simple psychology, channel your inner Alpha Male, and force her to see you as a potential romantic partner rather than a platonic friend.
Follow our expert tips to avoid being banished to relationship purgatory.
I’m chatting with my friend Patrick, and he’s telling me about a girl he recently went to dinner with. He says she’s hot, and that she’s been texting him a lot—but what should he text back?
I ask him about the content of her texts: Are they flirty? Does she want to see him again? Do they involve sexy selfies?
“Not really,” he replies. “She says she’s bored.”
My alarm bells start going off. “Don’t engage!” I practically yell. “She’s trying to friend-zone you!”
He’s confused, so I explain: “Girls text their friends and boyfriends when they’re bored. You’re not really her friend, and you’re not her boyfriend … yet. But if you do boyfriend things, like cure her boredom or listen to all her problems, she’ll realize that she can have a sweet, boyfriend-y relationship without actually having a boyfriend, and that’s just bad news for you.”
My explanation isn’t very eloquent, but my point is clear—and Patrick, like most guys, wants to avoid the friend zone at all costs. But the beginning of a relationship can be tricky, according to psychotherapist Vinita Mehta, Ph.D.. “It’s easy to cross signals, including whether someone is just a friend or wants to pursue something more,” Mehta says.
Still, there are steps you can take to make sure your signals are clear—and that you don’t fall into her friend zone trap. Here are four mistakes guys make that land them in the friend zone almost instantly, and how to avoid them.
You don’t make your intentions clear
This might sound obvious, but you might be in her friend zone because you’ve never indicated that you would like to be otherwise, says relationship expert Tracy Thomas, Ph.D. In fact, it’s possible that she doesn’t even know you want to be more than friends. According to Thomas, the key to staying out of the friend zone is to make your intentions clear, and to make sure all of your communication—verbal, non-verbal, written, etc.—is about what you want.
“Being direct doesn’t mean you have to say, ‘I want you to be my girlfriend,’ all at once, or all the time,” Thomas says. “But instead of saying ‘You’re welcome to come over,’ say, ‘I’d love it if you came over.’” You don’t want to pursue her so aggressively that she feels overwhelmed by your attention, but it should always be obvious that you are, in fact, pursuing her as more than just a friend. “Don’t say ‘Do you want to go to dinner,’” Thomas says. “Friends go to dinner. Say, ‘I’d like to take you out to dinner at this great Italian place I think you’ll like. Are you free Friday?’”
You let her vent about other guys
Life is not When Harry Met Sally. Unless you get really lucky—or you take action—she’s not going to wake up one day and realize that all the guys she’s been dating are assholes, and that her true love (you) has been hanging out in her living room all along. You might think you’re just biding your time, but the longer you wait, and the more you get to know her in a friend-type way, the more you risk ending up in her friend zone for life, says Thomas.
It’s not your job to listen to her guy problems—she has girlfriends and guys who actually are just friends for that. “If you find yourself in the role of therapist thinking you’re going to get in her pants, you’re not only in the friend zone, you’re in the free therapy zone—and no woman wants to have sex with her therapist who knows all of her neuroses,” Thomas says. “Do not be the recipient of all her neuroses and mistake that for intimacy.”
You try too hard
You probably don’t think you’re trying too hard, especially if you’ve never even asked her out. But if you’re doing things for her that only a boyfriend would do—such as buying her things “just because,” or allowing her to engage you in mindless texting banter—guess what? You’ve been friend-zoned.
Here’s the tricky part: If she’s a serial friend-zoner, she’s already picked up on your extra effort, and she’ll give you just enough attention to make you feel like you’re actually getting somewhere with her. A serial friend-zoner is someone who likes the attention of a suitor without the responsibility of an actual relationship, says psychologist Alicia Clark, PsyD. “She’ll give you just enough reinforcement so you’ll continue to be available and supportive of her, but at the same time she’ll masterfully avoid sending you any indications that she’s romantically interested in you,” Clark says. “She is interested in you, and she wants you to stick around, she’s just not interested in dating you. A real friend would not do this.”
Both friendships and romantic relationships are reciprocal—a girl who likes you as a friend or as a potential romantic partner will do the same things for you that you do for her. “Don’t settle for less than you want or deserve in a relationship,” Thomas says. “Because if it’s one-sided, and you’re the only one participating, she won’t respect you and you’re dead in the water.”
You’re afraid of rejection
Once you’re fully entrenched in the friend zone, you probably won’t be able to leverage a friendship into a romantic relationship, according to relationship expert April Masini. “A lot of men are afraid of rejection, so to stave off that sting they simply don’t ask her out and instead become a buddy—a miserable, anxious buddy,” Masini says.
Being rejected from the friend zone can actually be harder than getting shut down straight away, Clark says. Because you already have a relationship with her (a sham friendship is still a relationship, sort of), you have more to lose than if you were asking out a stranger. “Men who allow themselves to fantasize about a future relationship with a girl make it harder for themselves to declare their intentions and risk losing her,” Clark says. “By avoiding making their intentions clear, they can keep the hope alive that someday all of their attention will be reciprocated.” In other words, you’re in relationship purgatory, and that’s never a good look.
Here’s what you do: Ask her out. “If you ask her out, she will say yes or no,” Masini says. “If she says yes, you win. If she says no, you still win, because you’ve been given the opportunity to stop wasting your time on someone who’s not interested. Clarity is a gift. Fear is not.”
While the concept has existed since the beginning of time, it has only recently acquired a Merriam-Webster definition. The friend zone (noun) is a defined as follows: a platonic friendship between two people, one of whom wants the relationship to be romantic. It is, in layman’s terms, a pickle. Two friends have a relationship one wants to further romantically, and the other just wants to be friends. Most of us have been there, and whether we are in the friend zone or the friend-zoner, it isn’t a fun place to be.
Urban dictionary captures being trapped in the “zone” with their definition:
What you attain after you fail to impress a woman you’re attracted to. Usually initiated by the woman saying, “You’re such a good friend”. Usually associated with long days of suffering and watching your love interest hop from one bad relationship to another. Verb tense is “Friend-ed”
Whether you’re you’re Jorah Mormont lusting after the unattainable Khaleesi on Game of Thrones, or Ducky in Pretty in Pink, here are the 13 signs you know for certain you’re in the dreaded friend zone. And while we go back and forth using different pronouns in this article, it goes without saying that men can friend-zone women, women can friend zone women, and. you get the idea.
he only asks you to hang out in groups
A tell-tale sign of friendzoning is the constant group hang. If he or she never asks you to hang out alone, or ignores your requests to do so, this person is probably trying to avoid spending any time with you that could be perceived as romantic. Group hangs means theres always another person or two to act as a buffer if things get . weird.
she offers to be your matchmaker
If the person you’re interested in tries to set you up with people he/she knows, you are in the friend zone. No, this person is not flirting. Obviously, if said person is spending energy trying to find you a date, they either a) think you are an awesome person and genuinely want you to be happy with someone that isn’t them, or b) have a feeling of your intentions and are attempting to tell you, in so many words, that you’d be better off with someone else.
He avoids hanging out with you at night
Night time = sexy time. There’s no way around it.
Your relationship exists at least 50 percent over texting/gchat
This is another bad indicator of being friendzoned. Clearly, the person you’re interested in likes talking to you, but with the safety net of text message and gchat, things can never get too out of hand.
he asks you to introduce him to a coworker of the opposite sex
I wouldn’t call it insensitivity, but when a friend asks you to introduce him/her to your attractive coworker or bff of the opposite sex, they think you’re close enough pals to be a wingman. And only platonic, non-sexual friends help friends get laid.
sHe comes to you with relationship problems
No, he/she isn’t trying to be cute and get you to think in terms of what your relationship together could be like вЂ” they just want some sound romantic advice from a solid friend.
He refers to you as “adorable” and “hilarious” but never “sexy,” or “hot”
Listen to the words in which your interest describes you. If “attractive” or some word similar to it isn’t in the mix, you might be out of luck.
sHe only wants to hang out in public
Sort of like the only hanging out in groups rule, hanging out in public gives little chance of anyone making an unwanted move.
He checks out other girls when you’re hanging out
Sometimes, people in relationships do this too, albeit disrespectfully, but if your interest is openly eyeing the cute bartender or coffee shop patron while you’re out, chances are they have no clue you have romantic feelings.
sHe recoils at your touch
I recall a guy friend saying once that a good way to gauge a woman’s interest in you is to “touch her in a playful way and see how she responds.” Does she playfully touch you back, or does she grimace and walk several feet away? Perhaps the response won’t be so extreme, but a reaction to physical contact is a good indicator of attraction.
she labels other girls you pass “your type”
Close friends know what kind of people the other person is attracted to вЂ” redheads, bookworms, athletes вЂ” most people have a type that their close friends are all too aware of. So when the person you’re interested in calls someone out as “your type,” it is probably an indicator that you are not their type.
she doesn’t mind consistently wearing sweatpants when you hang out
While I’m not advocating a full face of makeup and a ball gown for each hang out, if you like someone, chances are you’ll put a tad bit of time into how you appear in front of that person. Whether its a coat of mascara or wearing a T shirt of his/her favorite band, effort usually equates to attraction. Constantly wearing sweatpants and not showering for three days before hanging out is behavior only close friends tolerate.
He calls you “dude” or worse вЂ” like a “sister”
Unless you are a character in Flowers in the Attic, brothers and sisters don’t usually think of one another in sexual terms. If he calls you “sister” he really means it: You’re like a sister to him.
AI Bot Choice
Yes, immediately, from day one if you can. Just touch her, get her to touch you, fix her hair if it’s off, I dunno. Just don’t be a passive type. Be willing to fuck things up! But not in a crazy way. That’s how you chill and have fun is that you aren’t scared to fuck things up, so now you can be totally natural or “genuine” as girls call it.
Watch other guys who get girls. They have a pattern that works. It’s not so hard if you erase all the brainwashing from feminists and women and rom-coms. Pay attention to guys that succeed.
Don’t ever take advice from a woman unless she is anti-feminist or something — like unless she is the type that tells you to work out or get a haircut. Maybe like 1% of normal women give okay advice but so many women have become retarded with the same rom-com disease that infects all the incels out there. They are like, “Derpppp. some girl is gonna be so, derppppp, lucky to be with you, deerpppppppp!” These people have been infected with retard disease.
It is rom-com disease. I have seen it wrongly attributed to pornography but what really creates incels is rom-coms (also maybe single mothers).
So if uncles flirted more they might get a girlfriend?
Hell yeah if they do with skill. But there is “training” vs “exercising”. You can jam keys all over the place on a piano and not learn anything and just work up a sweat, burn some calories. Or you can practice scales and chords and rhythm and steadily improve as a musician. If you do it right you should either be married or skillful by 30s, and even more married or even more skillful by 40s.
Getting women is a *skill*. Lots of people don’t think so. They think it is about stars aligning or some shit. Forget that. Maybe some stars aligned when I met my wife but I needed lots of skill for her. She was a high-skill fish — like you gotta use just the right bait for her, and let her swim then pull, then let her swim, then pull, it took lots of skill to catch her. It is skill.
Of course, girls don’t think it is a skill. They are like, “Hello! I am wearing bikini! I am a tomboy with my hobbies!” Then guys love her. But for guys, it is a skill. It takes real skill. So you practice and improve. And female friends are easy to practice on — new ones, old ones, you can practice all the time.
How do I practice? Could female friends become a girlfriend if I get it right?
You gotta unleash something from day one. When you first meet, or soon after if you failed. It is subtle, you know. I don’t know how to teach it online let alone in person. Maybe in person, we can practice talking to each other and you pretend I’m a girl and I can spot if you are doing things sorta right without being too heavy-handed But show your interest in her subtly without scaring her away. It’s like you make the girl feel safe even though you also make it somewhat implicit that you are interested. You do both at the same time and you got this.
I do this and it doesn’t work. I’ve concluded there is no trick to it. She either likes you or she doesn’t and I think it’s very simple. You just ask and get an answer.
I gotta watch you before I agree. Sometimes you can get a date with a girl if she just thinks it’s like, “Well. okay!” Like hesitant, you know, but you got the hang of making fun and inviting offers (not just to girls, but to everyone else).
Why not just cut the games out and ask her out. Move on if it’s a no and proceed if yes.
It’s not a fucking game. It’s about empathy. You usually don’t get attracted to someone from the first time you meet them unless you’re a horny fucking asshole douchebag. Girls are the same. You need to give them some time to warm up to you.
If you got friend zoned by a girl that you know her for 2-3 months, you think that there’s chance / it’s possible to get out of that in future and have a romantic relationship with her?
I’m curios about girls opinion on this and guys opinion, did you managed to get out of the friend zone? How/ what you done it?
AI Bot Choice
If you are truly an amazing person, who stands out from the crowd, you will become more than a friend to her, organically. Just keep in contact, be nice, be a good person, be a friend. She might come around on her own.
There is always going to be debate about this – whether to go slow and start off as friends, or make your intentions known from the start – you’re romantic or bust.
And there are basically two types of girls, and no guy can apply the same rule or method to all of them. So good luck with that.
Note to all the guys who say it never happens: (see poll results in my first link)
“Most or all began as platonic friends first.”
%54 28 Girls
%39 30 Guys
don’t give him false hopes. if she’s not attracted, there’s no point in having hopes.
@genericname85 I think we’d need more info and details here before jumping to any firm conclusions.
It depends how he knows her. When I asked this question about how peoples’ relationships started, half of the girls began as friends. Girls are cautious.
Rejecting a stranger outright, and putting him ‘in the friendzone’ needs more clarification. Is she actually in contact still and friendly, or did she just try to soften the blow and wants to never have any contact again? There’s a difference.
50% of mine relationships started as a friendship, and it both cases the “initial attraction” that was not quite there at first, did not have an effect on the outcome.
Basically, there would be a difference between being in the friend zone and “to be put in the friendzone”, as for initial attractions, there could be many reasons as to why it is not evident in the first days or weeks, and there’s also reasons as to why it can develop later.
And my longest relationship was with the one that actually said “just friends” at first.
@AmandaYVR We are family friends, and I knew her for a while but we never meet, in the end I starting talking with her and asked her out. We was going out and everything was great, we was laughing and had a really good time, maintaining eye contact and other things. After 1 date we was meeting again together with our families and that was all, after that she said that she don’t want to hurt me but she don’t feel that flame and we can’t be more then friends. All this has come like a “rocket” to me because we don’t even had time to know each other, just 1 date and when we have meet together with our families it’s not enough in my opinion to know a person and see if you have feelings or not,
I made my intentions clear straight from the beginning to her, but I was also the one that was always initiate the conversations, she never showed really much interest but I put all this because she said that she never ever had a boyfriend so I didn’t wanted to rush anything or make her feel pressured by me, that’s why I was taking the things slow a little.
Most Helpful Guys
Most people accept that to have romantic interest in someone, you need to be attracted to them. Attractiveness can be found in mental, physical, or even circumstantial (wealth) qualities. That being said, whether someone possesses qualities of these kinds that one finds attractive becomes evident very quickly. For example, if I am attracted to smart, wealthy women that look like super models, then I will be able to discern whether a potential date posses these qualities shortly after meeting them.
So what does this say about your situation? Well, if you accept these things as true, then you’re almost forced to conclude that you can almost never get out of the friend zone. Why? Because being put in the friend zone means that the woman who put you there does not see the qualities she finds attractive in you. If you had them, she would have noticed. So we are left to conclude that you don’t. If you don’t have qualities she finds attractive, why would she date you?
I know that sounds a little cold so let me try and end things on a bit of a happier note. Statistically speaking, it is incredibly likely that there is someone out there for you. There are a ton of people out there, and the odds are, at the very least, that at least a small chunk of them are going to find what you have attractive. Keep your head up and don’t be discouraged. Once you lose confidence in yourself and stop trying, you have basically made the ultimate capitulation: that you have given up searching for that special someone. Even if you don’t consciously acknowledge this surrender, you have still, in effect, given up, because once you lose faith in yourself, you have created a set of mental restraints that will only work to prevent you from pursuing women in the first place; and of course, you can’t obtain what you aren’t willing to pursue.
If you really are friend zoned, the best thing is to accept it and move on. Don’t waste time chasing after someone who is not meant to be. Time is the most valuable thing you have in life. Spend it wisely. Once it’s spent you can’t get it back.
Too many people pine after someone they can’t have, at the expense of not using that time to find someone else. I’ve seen people get hurt really bad by not accepting they were in the friend zone. I know someone who had it happen in her late 20s. She never dated again the rest of her life because she got hurt so bad and never wanted it to happen again. Don’t be that person. Move on.
After only 2-3 months are you SURE that you are friend zoned? Or are you just assuming it? That’s not all that long. It’s possible that in her mind you are nothing more than a friend, and she has no romantic interests in you. But it’s also possible that after only 2-3 months, that it’s still open. If you don’t know for sure, let her know how you feel. Don’t wait too long though. Get a move on.
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We’ve talked about the friend zone on Girls Chase before: why it’s bad , what it looks like , and how to get out of it .
But you’ve asked for more.
You’ve asked for clear signs you can look for that are undeniable proof you’ve careened off the Road to Sexytimes and into the Bog of Asexuality. Irrefutable sign posts that the good times of dreaming about lovingly gazing into one another’s eyes are long behind you, and you now exist solely to stroke her ego as proof that she is so charming, so wonderful, and so hypnotically mesmerizing that great guys like you will just hang around in awe of her. all while she samples her fill of sexy bad boys.
Well, never fear . While the greatest danger of the friend zone is your own denial, all the rest we will solve with this enlightening post.
So, provided you can handle the healthy dose of cognitive dissonance you’ll receive from discovering that the girl you were so certain you were just one more funny text message away from talking onto your johnston really doesn’t think of you “that way” and probably never will, let’s dive in.
. and arm you with the 14 Terrible Signs You’re Deep in the Friend Zone .
4 Simple Ways to Help You Get Out (and Stay Out) of the Friend Zone
The friend zone is a place where sparks go to die instead of fly. On the internet, it’s defined as “a metaphorical hell for men” and needless to say, it’s not exactly a desirable situation to be in.
And while no one wants to end up in the friend zone, there are a few reasons why it’s a super common scenario to find yourself in. Maybe you never made your romantic intentions clear from the get-go, you were perfectly content being friends (until you caught some feelings) or maybe you’ve just been too petrified to make a move, playing it safe and accepting your friend role. The good news about all of this? There are ways to make a change.
Sure, it takes far more than a suave line or one specific move, but experts agree that with a little persistence and a few deliberate strategies, it is possible to go from platonic friends to full-blown date potential. Here’s how.
Plant the Seed
In order to make a smooth transition out of the friend zone, you’ll need to change your behavior. While this shouldn’t be a dramatic shift from your current dynamic, you’ll need to add a layer of flirtatiousness that allows her to see you as a potential suitor.
“You want to flirt so it’s clear to her you’re looking for something more romantic,” explains Thomas Edwards, founder of The Professional Wingman.
The idea here is to increase the sexual tension via subtle hints, like ambiguous glances, lingering hugs and flirty comments. That way, you can notice how she reacts, and figure out whether she’s receptive to this new kind of behavior.
“In the digital world, send a flirty text, follow them on Instagram and like and comment on their posts,” suggests Fran Greene, licensed clinical social worker and author of “The Secret Rules of Flirting.”
According to Greene, one of the best ways you can get her to see you in this new light is by giving her compliments. Don’t overdo it, of course, or it won’t seem genuine — just an honest observation once in a while when she least expects it.
These compliments should color outside the lines of what a friend might say. Meaning, you should plant the seed in her mind that you find her attractive, and dole out enough sweet sentiments without coming off as a big ‘ol creep.
Break the Touch Barrier
Another way to show you’re interested as more than a friend is to make physical contact. As coming off aggressively here could backfire, all you need to do is break the touch barrier in a nonchalant way that’ll show your true intentions.
“Move closer when you are talking and gently touch her at certain points,” says Greene.
An example? Rather than sitting across from her over drinks or dinner, sit next to her. Then, you’ll have more opportunities to make contact (like briefly placing a hand on her shoulder when she makes you laugh, perhaps). Giving her a playful nudge when she teases you is another way to break the barrier, too.
A little effort can still have a powerful impact. Skin-to-skin contact triggers the body to release oxytocin, a feel-good chemical that’s associated with bonding and devotion, and makes us feel closer to each other.
Define the Difference Between Hanging Out and a Date
Rather than grabbing takeout and crushing beers at your place, if you make plans, take her out in public for some quality one-on-one time.
“The only sign that matters is that she is responding favorably to, or even, reciprocating your interest,” explains Edwards. “The next step is to maintain the romantic frame until it’s time to go to that next level, which in this case, typically means asking her out on a date.”
As you can imagine, being direct is often the best approach.
“Plan an activity that is just the two of you and if the vibe is good, suggest going out for a drink or dinner,” notes Greene.
This is also your chance to really wow her with a taste of what it would be like to date you. That means setting the right tone from the get-go. Being chivalrous, breaking the touch barrier and making sure she knows that your attention is solely on her should do the trick. By the end of your date, she’ll likely have picked up on your intentions, and to boot, you’ll also have a better idea about whether she shares your feelings or not.
Look for the Right Cues
It’s super important to remain alert and aware of her responses during conversation. Be mindful of her body language as well, as this can tell you a lot about whether she’s receptive to your advances. Does she angle her body towards you when you’re talking? Does she tend to turn away when she sees you leaning in close?
Take a look at her feet, too, as body language experts say that when they’re pointed in your direction, that can indicate mutual interest. If, on the other hand, she crosses her arms, pulls back and creates physical distance, or averts eye contact when you get physical, that could indicate that she’s not feeling it. Also, if she ever seems a little jealous when you talk about other girls you’ve gone out with, that could mean that she secretly wishes she was in their shoes.
According to Greene, if your friend starts calling rather than texting, texting you more frequently or otherwise changing their communication habits with you, that can be a very positive sign that you’re starting to make your way outside of that dreaded friend zone.
You’ll probably reach a point where you’ll want to be direct about your thoughts and feelings. And while this can feel incredibly vulnerable, it’s the best way to seal the deal and escape the friend zone once and for all — that is, if she’s on board with testing the waters in a new stage of your relationship.
But whatever you do, don’t force it. The reality is, in order to peace out of the friend zone, you’ll have to accept the possibility that no matter how hard you try to change her perception of you, she may still see you as a friend and nothing more.
Putting your heart on the line may feel risky, but you know what’s worse? Always wondering what would’ve happened if you keep quiet. You owe it to both of you to give it your best shot. Maybe she’s been secretly trying to get out of the friend zone, too, and someone has to be bold enough to make the first move.