How to ask a girl out on an affordable date without looking cheap

How to ask a girl out on an affordable date without looking cheap

Is there a guy who flirts with you at work but never asks you out?

Maybe you met a man when you were out with friends, and he stuck by your side all night . but never asked for your number.

Or a guy started messaging you on Facebook but hasn’t done anything more?

And it’s driving you crazy!

Why do men do this? They act interested, but don’t take that important next step to go out with you. This happens to every woman looking for love and is a common and frustrating dating issue. You spend hours talking with your girlfriends trying to figure out why he hasn’t asked you out.

You can tell he likes you so what’s the problem?

My heart goes out to you, and I feel your pain. I was single at 40 and this kind of male behavior lead to a lot of anxiety. I’ve been in your shoes and the mixed signals men send can push your buttons like nothing else can.

Most women start guessing why a man is holding back. Chances are, you end up thinking, “He must be shy. Why else would a man flirt, text or message so much but never ask me out?” This is certainly a logical conclusion, and I understand why you landed here.

But as a dating coach, one thing I know for sure is that 99.9% of men who seem interested yet don’t ask you out do have a reason.

Here are several possible reasons that may be keeping him from taking that next step with you.

  • He already has a steady girlfriend, a woman he lives with, or a wife.
  • He doesn’t want to date or get into a relationship right now.
  • He’s just boosting his own ego by flirting or texting with you and others.
  • He thinks you’re attractive and fun, but not his type.
  • He’s fantasizing about you without physically cheating on another woman.

For the most part, if men aren’t happy with the status quo, they take action to change it. That’s what men do — they go after what they want. They pursue the women they want to date (or at least sleep with).

So does this help you more fully understand that if he’s not asking you on a date . it’s because he just doesn’t want to?

Think about it. If he were too shy, would he be brave enough to flirt? Would he reach out to you on Facebook or on a dating site?

No, not at all. He’s manly enough for those things, which mean he’s brave enough to ask you out.

He’s just choosing not to.

OK, I hear you. Maybe he is afraid of rejection. Maybe he was emotionally beat up by his last relationship and now feels “gun shy” about asking you out. Or maybe he hit a bad patch and no one has said yes to him recently. As time goes by, he’s less likely to take a shot in case he might get rejected again.

Hmmm, does that sound like the kind of confident man you want to spend time with? I hope you just said, “No.”

Subscribe to our newsletter.

Let’s say you still don’t believe me. You feel a compelling urge burning in your soul that must be acted upon. You’ll cease to exist if you don’t just ask him out!

Well, if you must, you must, but — never, EVER ask the same man out more than once!

If it turns out that he was shy or afraid of rejection, asking him out will let him know you like him. You are now a sure thing. No matter how much fun you both have if you go, DO NOT ask him again.

He knows you’d say yes, but that’s not enough motivation to get him to ask you out again? Take that lack of action as a sign. It’s a clear message that he doesn’t want more . with you, or maybe anyone.

Online dating apps are the only place where asking a man to meet you for coffee or a drink is perfectly acceptable.

If seven to 10 days have gone by since you first “matched,” asking to meet is a time saver. He’ll either agree or disappear. However, do not continue to text without a date being set, because he’s just going to waste your time.

The difference with dating sites and is this first encounter is not a real first date.

You are simply cutting through further fruitless communication (even if it is fun) to meet. Most experts refer to a first meeting as “Date Zero,” because it’s not considered a first date until he asks you out. Once he meets you, sizes you up and asks if he can see you again, bingo — that’s a first date! It means he has taken the step to pursue you and get to know you better.

Some strong, successful women think gender equality means there’s no longer any reason NOT to ask a man out. I hope after reading this post you get that letting the man pursue you works best. That’s the only way you’ll ever know if he’s really interested.

The proof is in his pursuit, and nothing else counts.

What will a man do to win you over if you never initiate anything? The only way to know for sure is to not take any steps on your own, and simply respond to his outreach.

Let me leave you with an analogy from ballroom dancing .

There is only one leader and one follower if you want to be great dance partners. The same is true for the start of dating.

After five to six dates, you can initiate on occasion. Once in a relationship, everything equalizes and you won’t have to hold back.

But initially, it pays off BIG TIME to let a man lead and ask you out to discover if he’s wasting your time, boosting his ego or serious about getting to know you.

To get more tips so you’re savvy about midlife dating and understanding men, download Dating Coach Ronnie Ann Ryan’s free book 7 Dire Dating Mistakes that Keep You Single

How to ask a girl out on an affordable date without looking cheap

Is there a guy who flirts with you at work but never asks you out?

Maybe you met a man when you were out with friends, and he stuck by your side all night . but never asked for your number.

Or a guy started messaging you on Facebook but hasn’t done anything more?

And it’s driving you crazy!

Why do men do this? They act interested, but don’t take that important next step to go out with you. This happens to every woman looking for love and is a common and frustrating dating issue. You spend hours talking with your girlfriends trying to figure out why he hasn’t asked you out.

You can tell he likes you so what’s the problem?

My heart goes out to you, and I feel your pain. I was single at 40 and this kind of male behavior lead to a lot of anxiety. I’ve been in your shoes and the mixed signals men send can push your buttons like nothing else can.

Most women start guessing why a man is holding back. Chances are, you end up thinking, “He must be shy. Why else would a man flirt, text or message so much but never ask me out?” This is certainly a logical conclusion, and I understand why you landed here.

But as a dating coach, one thing I know for sure is that 99.9% of men who seem interested yet don’t ask you out do have a reason.

Here are several possible reasons that may be keeping him from taking that next step with you.

  • He already has a steady girlfriend, a woman he lives with, or a wife.
  • He doesn’t want to date or get into a relationship right now.
  • He’s just boosting his own ego by flirting or texting with you and others.
  • He thinks you’re attractive and fun, but not his type.
  • He’s fantasizing about you without physically cheating on another woman.

For the most part, if men aren’t happy with the status quo, they take action to change it. That’s what men do — they go after what they want. They pursue the women they want to date (or at least sleep with).

So does this help you more fully understand that if he’s not asking you on a date . it’s because he just doesn’t want to?

Think about it. If he were too shy, would he be brave enough to flirt? Would he reach out to you on Facebook or on a dating site?

No, not at all. He’s manly enough for those things, which mean he’s brave enough to ask you out.

He’s just choosing not to.

OK, I hear you. Maybe he is afraid of rejection. Maybe he was emotionally beat up by his last relationship and now feels “gun shy” about asking you out. Or maybe he hit a bad patch and no one has said yes to him recently. As time goes by, he’s less likely to take a shot in case he might get rejected again.

Hmmm, does that sound like the kind of confident man you want to spend time with? I hope you just said, “No.”

Subscribe to our newsletter.

Let’s say you still don’t believe me. You feel a compelling urge burning in your soul that must be acted upon. You’ll cease to exist if you don’t just ask him out!

Well, if you must, you must, but — never, EVER ask the same man out more than once!

If it turns out that he was shy or afraid of rejection, asking him out will let him know you like him. You are now a sure thing. No matter how much fun you both have if you go, DO NOT ask him again.

He knows you’d say yes, but that’s not enough motivation to get him to ask you out again? Take that lack of action as a sign. It’s a clear message that he doesn’t want more . with you, or maybe anyone.

Online dating apps are the only place where asking a man to meet you for coffee or a drink is perfectly acceptable.

If seven to 10 days have gone by since you first “matched,” asking to meet is a time saver. He’ll either agree or disappear. However, do not continue to text without a date being set, because he’s just going to waste your time.

The difference with dating sites and is this first encounter is not a real first date.

You are simply cutting through further fruitless communication (even if it is fun) to meet. Most experts refer to a first meeting as “Date Zero,” because it’s not considered a first date until he asks you out. Once he meets you, sizes you up and asks if he can see you again, bingo — that’s a first date! It means he has taken the step to pursue you and get to know you better.

Some strong, successful women think gender equality means there’s no longer any reason NOT to ask a man out. I hope after reading this post you get that letting the man pursue you works best. That’s the only way you’ll ever know if he’s really interested.

The proof is in his pursuit, and nothing else counts.

What will a man do to win you over if you never initiate anything? The only way to know for sure is to not take any steps on your own, and simply respond to his outreach.

Let me leave you with an analogy from ballroom dancing .

There is only one leader and one follower if you want to be great dance partners. The same is true for the start of dating.

After five to six dates, you can initiate on occasion. Once in a relationship, everything equalizes and you won’t have to hold back.

But initially, it pays off BIG TIME to let a man lead and ask you out to discover if he’s wasting your time, boosting his ego or serious about getting to know you.

To get more tips so you’re savvy about midlife dating and understanding men, download Dating Coach Ronnie Ann Ryan’s free book 7 Dire Dating Mistakes that Keep You Single

50 Ways to Be Romantic on the Cheap

Post written by Leo Babauta. Follow me on twitter .

Often my articles on family are about spending time with your kids, but today we’ll talk about another important aspect of families: couples. If you’ve got a significant other, I highly recommend you keep the spark of your relationship alive and find ways to show you appreciate each other, every week and every day, if possible.

Look for little, inexpensive ways to be romantic, and it will pay off for your relationship in innumerable ways.

Why inexpensive? Well, you could rent a limo and take your love to a snooty French restaurant, or whisk him or her off to a trip to the snow-capped Alps, or rent a stadium and have the Three Tenors sing love songs for you while the New York Philharmonic plays in the background. I don’t know about you, but I can’t afford to do that kind of stuff more than a few times a month. The rest of the time, I have to resort to cheaposity.

Before we get into the list, let’s look at a few notes on how to use the list:

  1. Weekly dates. I recommend you have a date at least once a week with your partner. It doesn’t have to be an expensive one, but at least find some way to spend a couple hours time together. If you’ve got kids, like I do, find a babysitter.
  2. Communicate. Romantic gestures don’t take the place of real communication. Take time to talk about your goals, your dreams, your plans for the future, your current lives, things you’re happy about, things you love about the other person, things you’d like to work on, things you’re grateful for.
  3. Inspiration. This list contains a lot of obvious stuff — you could probably come up with twice as many good ideas yourself. But the list doesn’t aim for originality — it aims to be an inspiration. Pick and choose some good ideas, or use it to spark some of your own. Sometimes we just need a little reminder.
  4. Forget Valentines. Boycott Valentine’s Day, as it makes people think they should be romantic on special occasions. Instead, pick one of these ideas and do it any day of the week — no need for a special occasion.

OK, enough talk. Let’s look at some ways to be romantic without breaking your budget (note to my mom: don’t read this, as there are a couple of sexy-time things later on):

  1. Write a poem.
  2. Cook a romantic dinner.
  3. Give a full-body massage.
  4. Pack a sunset picnic.
  5. Pick wildflowers on the way home.
  6. Burn a CD with love songs.
  7. Give dark chocolates.
  8. Read poetry together.
  9. Prepare strawberries with fondue chocolate.
  10. Snuggle together on a rainy day.
  11. Leave little love notes everywhere.
  12. Send a love email every day.
  13. Take a moonlit walk on the beach.
  14. Snuggle together while watching romantic movies (Casablanca, Audrey Hepburn are my favs).
  15. Get good wine, watch shooting stars.
  16. Take a bath together (use bubbles!).
  17. Bring home good coffee or a decadent sweet.
  18. Take a walk down memory lane — visit some of the special places from your early days of dating.
  19. Make warm chocolate cake for dessert.
  20. Make a scrapbook with photos, mementos, and little notes from you lives together.
  21. Kiss in the rain.
  22. Ride a ferris wheel.
  23. Sneak away from a party and make out.
  24. Bring home great take-out, and light some candles.
  25. Fix something or fix up the house just to make your partner happy.
  26. Slow dance to romantic music.
  27. Take a nap together.
  28. Kiss slowly, touching his or her back and neck and nape — slowly.
  29. Make a list of everything you love about him or her.
  30. Write a love letter.
  31. Clip or email things that make you think of him or her, every day.
  32. Go to a movie, ignore the movie, and make out like teen-agers.
  33. Groom yourself, and try to look good for your partner.
  34. Take some quiet time and talk about your day.
  35. Write little notes, one for each way he or she drives you crazy.
  36. Feed each other grapes.
  37. Recreate your partner’s favorite romantic movie scene.
  38. Pretend you’re going on a first date — show up at the door with flowers, all dressed up, with your car washed and cleaned, looking spiffy. Recreate the first time.
  39. Create a little box with a bunch of your partner’s favorite things inside.
  40. Paint each other with flavored body paint. Be creative!
  41. Try some sexy role-playing. Get dressed up, be daring, have fun.
  42. Give a little token to your partner to wear, and say it’s to remind him or her all day that you love them.
  43. Sing a favorite song to him or her. Only do this if you can sing fairly well.
  44. Have dinner on the roof, with some candles. This doesn’t work if your roof slopes sharply.
  45. Hold hands, and walk somewhere with lots of pretty lights.
  46. Say I love you. In a different way, every day.
  47. Blindfold your partner. Use a feather. Slowly.
  48. Declare your love, very publicly.
  49. Fruit or berries and freshly made whipped cream.
  50. Play Sade. Do what comes naturally. Slowly.

You don’t want to mess this one up.

How to ask a girl out on an affordable date without looking cheap

Real talk: Asking someone out is super nerve-wracking. No matter how confident you are, putting yourself out there is a big risk—because getting turned down stings. In fact, a slew of recent research has shown that social pain—the emotional response you have from being rejected or ostracized by others—actually shares some of the same neural and neurochemical substrates as physical pain. In other words, similar things are happening in your brain when you stub your toe and the person you like turns you down.

This is largely why rejection is painful—so painful that you may end up avoiding asking people out altogether or act so nonchalant and non-committal that the person you’re asking out doesn’t even know if it’s a date or not.

This is no way to be. You need to be direct, bold, and confident when asking someone out. And you need to know—and fully believe—that rejection isn’t the end of the world. If you get rejected, it’s actually a good thing. You don’t want to waste your time with someone who doesn’t want to be with you, and you also want to respect the boundaries of others.

If the idea of asking a person out sounds confusing or horrifying, not to worry. We have all the information you need right here: Everything you need to know about asking someone out in a way that will leave you feeling OK, no matter the answer.

Whether over an app, text, or in-person—we have the tips you need to score that date (or at least try). Here is how to ask someone out (without, you know, being weird about it).

Don’t overthink it

We can be our own worst enemy when it comes to making the first move. One of the biggest relationship problems men face is a fear of rejection.

Don’t let it hold you back. “No one wants to look foolish or be rejected for being ourselves,” says Dr. Kristie Overstreet, a clinical sexologist and psychotherapist. “Also, there is a struggle with feeling good enough. This fear and worry keep us from taking healthy risks such as putting ourselves out there. This type of thinking happens to protect our ego and from getting hurt.”

How to ask a girl out on an affordable date without looking cheap

How to ask a girl out on an affordable date without looking cheap

If you get too into your head about it, you’ll psych yourself out. When you build everything up in your head, spend days on end texting, and don’t make concrete plans, you read into things. We all do it.

“Don’t overthink it or make it harder than it has to be. Keep it simple. Ask if [they] want to have dinner or drinks,” Overstreet says.

Just go for it. If they say yes, awesome. If they don’t, you didn’t waste more of your time than necessary.

Keep it simple and straightforward

Overstreet says not to beat around the bush when it comes to asking someone out. If you do, you’ll confuse the person and could possibly find yourself in the depths of a misunderstanding.

“Don’t be vague with a question such as ‘Want to hang?’ Be specific when asking [them] out,” she says. “For example, ‘Do you have time for dinner Tuesday night?’ It shows that you are interested in them as a person versus just someone to ‘hang’ with.” A date is a date. Be bold about and unapologetic about it. Caginess is for amateurs.

When it comes to dates, don’t make elaborate plans. It seems like there is so much pressure to “stand out” or be interesting. If you have the personality, you don’t need to take them to the zoo and then ice skating and then skydiving and then deep sea fishing to be memorable.

Be yourself.

Yes, we know how corny this sounds, but a lot of guys—especially those who fear rejection—attempt to be someone they’re not. They act like some suave, clever womanizer they think the ladies want. (Spoiler alert: most don’t.) Don’t be like those guys. “Authenticity is the best game you can bring,” says sex and relationship expert Shamyra Howard, LCSW. “Don’t present the person you think you should be; it’s best to be your genuine self. This isn’t the time to fake it until you make it.” You want someone to like you for who you are. Besides, how long will you able to keep up the charade of being someone else?

If you’re asking over text, pay attention the response.

If you don’t get a definite “Yes,” they aren’t necessarily not into it, Overstreet says. If this is the case, pay attention to the way in which they respond. “If they are busy and don’t give you an alternate option, then they aren’t interested. If they are busy but offer an alternate time/day to meet, then they are interested but can’t make the day you suggested.” If they make an attempt to reschedule, don’t view it as a rejection. Give them a chance to make it happen. If they don’t, well, you have your answer.

“If they don’t reply, you can try one more time on another day,” Overstreet suggests. “If they don’t reply a second time, let them go and move on.”

It’s pretty simple, really: If someone wants to go out with you, they’ll go out with you. If they don’t, they won’t. Put in the effort, wait for reciprocation, and if you don’t get it, cut your losses and get on with your life.

How to ask a girl out on an affordable date without looking cheap

If you’re asking IRL, start with small talk.

Meeting someone and asking them out in real life (we know, what?) has its own set of rules. Don’t just walk up to a person you think is cute and ask them out. Start with small talk and gauge common interests.

“See how they respond,” Overstreet says. “For example, if you approach someone and they don’t reply, are short with you, or move further away, then move on. If not, discuss something that they may be interested in depending on the location you approach them at.”

Read the situation based on your setting. If you’re in line for a coffee, ask them about their favorite drink or if they tried that new seasonal beverage. If they engage with you, keep going. Ask them their name, what they do for work, etc. Just don’t be creepy about it.

Pay attention to body language and the vibe you’re getting—this takes some self-awareness. If her arms and legs are crossed, she’s literally closing herself off to you. Leave her alone. If she doesn’t turn to face you fully, it likely means she doesn’t want to engage with you, so don’t ask her out. Now if she’s shifted her position to directly face you, and she’s making eye contact and smiling, she’s interested. “If you still have a green light, ask them to meet for coffee this week,” Overstreet says.

If you do get rejected, ask yourself: “So what?” Really, how is this going to affect the rest of your life?

It’s not. “If rejection didn’t exist, you may have ended up in a relationship with someone who wasn’t a good match for you,” Overstreet says.

If you and ask her out and she says no, accept it.

For the love of God, don’t try to convince them to change their mind, adds Howard. Some classic romantic films like The Notebook teach men that persistence is a sign of affection and devotion, but it is absolutely not. It’s scary. “It’s actually a huge turn off and a consent violation,” Howard says. Just move on.

How to Have a Great Date on a Budget

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Who says you have to be rich to enjoy a perfect night out with your sweetie? The next time you’re feeling romantic, pick from one of these cheap, fun date ideas. You’ll need only a little bit of cash (and maybe a little bit of love) to have a great time.

Make Dinner Together

How to ask a girl out on an affordable date without looking cheap

If you’ve got time, start this date out at the grocery store. Pick up dinner fixings, then go back to one of your houses to prepare and eat your meal. Spending time in the kitchen together is a great way to get to know each other—and if the dinner actually turns out to be delicious, that’s just icing on the cake. Plus, if your parents are home, this is a slick way of showing them what a good, wholesome couple you are.

Go for a Bike Ride

How to ask a girl out on an affordable date without looking cheap

Biking’s a cheap, fun way to get your adrenaline pumping, and it’s great for shy people because there’s no pressure to talk the whole time. Pick a pretty route along a lake or hiking path, or just a quiet residential area nearby. Plan it so you end up at an ice cream shop or lunch spot so you can cool off and chat a little.

Sing Karaoke

How to ask a girl out on an affordable date without looking cheap

Once you’ve done karaoke in front of someone, there’s really nothing left to hide. Check to see if there are any karaoke nights in your city that allow teens. If there aren’t, pick up a copy of Karaoke Revolution American Idol. It’ll set you back less than 30 bucks (including microphones), but it’s a whole lot of fun.

Check Out a Weird Museum

How to ask a girl out on an affordable date without looking cheap

Sure, every town has an art museum, but where’s the fun in that? Oddball museums are way more likely to kickstart a conversation. Plus, lots of museums offer free admission on certain weekdays. Check your city guide to see if there’s anything fun in your area, like:

  • The International Spy Museum in Washington, D.C.
  • The Bakken Museum of Electricity and Magnetism in Minneapolis
  • The Museum of Bad Art in Dedham, Massachusetts
  • The Banana Museum in Auburn, Washington
  • The International Museum of Surgical Science in Chicago

Go Bowling

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Nancy Ney/Getty Images

Bowling’s underrated. You can do it in all kinds of weather, you don’t have to be all that athletic, you barely sweat, and if you show up late enough on weekends, there are colored lights and kitschy music. (Plus, how funky are those shoes?) And if you’re terrible at bowling, you can both have a good laugh (thereby showing off your humble sense of humor).

Have a Picnic in the Park

How to ask a girl out on an affordable date without looking cheap

Zero Creatives/Getty Images

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Zero Creatives/Getty Images

Throw some sandwiches, cookies, and sodas into a bag (or get more sophisticated with some prepared snacks from Whole Foods and a wicker picnic basket). Head to the park and lay down a blanket in a shady spot. Don’t forget to bring stuff to do when you’re done eating. My top picks: flying a kite, playing jai alai, shooting hoops, or just people-watching.

Play Miniature Golf

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After all these years, is there really anything more fun than putt-putt golf? It’s the classic, cutesy first date for a good reason: It’s competitive but too whimsical to take seriously, you’re surrounded by people having fun, and the snacks for sale nearby (pizza, milkshakes, and chili-cheese fries) are cheap and perfect for sharing.

Go for a Nature Walk

How to ask a girl out on an affordable date without looking cheap

Pick a pretty place in your town—maybe a beach, a path through the woods, a mountain trail, or an arboretum. If you’re not sure where to go, check your city guide. Bring some light snacks from home, take a nice, slow-paced walk, and enjoy the scenery together. If you want to make it more interesting, bring a camera and see who can take the best pictures, or make it an earth-saving mission and collect trash along the way.

Have a Board Game Night

How to ask a girl out on an affordable date without looking cheap

Board games bring out the competitive edge in people, which makes them perfect for that flirty ribbing that powers first dates. The best board games are made for more than two people, so consider making this one a double date. A few date games to consider:

  • Taboo
  • Apples to Apples
  • Scattergories
  • Cranium
  • Pictionary

Go to a Roller Rink

How to ask a girl out on an affordable date without looking cheap

Even if you’re only a so-so skater, a roller skate date is almost always a winner. First of all, it’s romantic: Hand-holding is totally inevitable, especially if one of you isn’t so hot on your feet. Second of all, with the high speeds and constant threat of collisions with 7-year-olds getting your adrenaline pumping, you’ll both have an unforgettable blast.

How to ask a girl out on an affordable date without looking cheap

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How to ask a girl out on an affordable date without looking cheapEarly in my seduction career, I studied everything I could from the guys I considered the “top guys” who’d come before me. But I especially focused on the guys who really good were but who didn’t know how to market themselves. essentially, the hidden gems of seduction.

What I realized was that the mainstream school of thought on picking up women was almost as dogmatic as mainstream society itself; while mainstream society believed in:

  • Be nice to women
  • Take things slow
  • Just be yourself
  • Pay for dates
  • No sex until the third date

The pickup community at the time I entered also had its own tenets, chiefly:

  • Follow the 3-second rule of approaching
  • Seductions must unfold over 7+ hours
  • You must be impressive and show higher value
  • You must follow a “method” – certain steps and procedures, routines, etc.
  • Fast seductions were “fools mates” and only happened with “easy” women

Which to me seemed a definite step up and an improvement from what mainstream society preaches, but. it still seemed a bit too limiting and contrived .

Why do you need some complicated procedure to “show your value” to women? Why do you have to go through some whole song and dance just to get girls ?

I ended up searching out unconventional teachers and older guys in the community who’d largely vanished from the main forums and hang outs, convinced I could learn the things from them that the rest of the devotees of the social and seductive arts seemed not to know.

And by and large, I di d .

And one of the greatest lessons I learned from these studies was how to find out the answer to the question ” what does she want? ” using a forgotten technique its originator called “eliciting values.”

I’m going to teach you that technique today.

How to ask a girl out on an affordable date without looking cheap

How to ask a girl out on an affordable date without looking cheap

via: Bigstockphoto / Javier Sanchez Mingorance

What was once a love letter has now become flirty texts for her, what was once a short face to face meet and greet has now become a Skype or Facetime call.

In this era where technology has taken over and is constantly being developed, so too are our communication methods with our loved ones.

Finding a guy that writes and delivers or posts love letters written by hand is rare in this age but this doesn’t mean that flirting and romance are over.

Sending flirty text for her is a great way to spice things up in an ongoing relationship or to spark the flame with your crush.

Knowing how to flirt with a girl has always been one of the keys to successful relationships or dating in general.

However, knowing how to flirt with a girl over text is a skill all guys must seek to master in this century especially since a lot of our communication is done using technology such as phones and laptops.

Whether you’re a guy that’s already in a relationship or if you’re at that stage where you’re still wondering how to get a girlfriend, knowing what to text a girl or how to flirt with her over text messages is something you should master.

Females enjoy flirting, whether harmless or intentional. It makes them feel appreciated, wanted and it can boost their confidence. It also gives them a direct signal that you are is interested in being more than friends and wants to pursue them romantically.

Despite what we see in movies, getting asked out on a date isn’t always a magical, flattering experience. In fact, chances are good that you aren’t actually interested in the person and have no interest in seeing them socially or romantically. Having said that, turning someone down is never easy either—especially if you’re caught off-guard.

When that happens, it can cause you to be awkward, say something stupid, or even hurt someone unintentionally. These tips won’t help much after the fact, but it’s good advice to keep in mind so you’re prepared to handle things flawlessly next time.

H ere are a few tips for letting people down easily when you’re not feeling a love connection.

How to Keep Your Dignity When You Get Shot Down for a Date

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Be honest, swift, and direct

It’s awkward turning someone down—especially if they make some wildly romantic gesture —but honesty is the best policy when you want to keep people from getting too hurt. First, you need to be honest with yourself. Everybody deserves a chance, but sometimes you just know it’s not going to work, so i f you don’t feel any kind of connection, it’s best not to drag things on because you want to be nice. Don’t agree to a date out of pity—i t can be a waste of both your time, and the other person could get more hurt in the process.

Why You Make Bad Decisions When You’re Attracted to Someone

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Don’t make up lies, but be graciously honest. If you already have a boyfriend or girlfriend, let the person know. If you don’t have a sweetheart, but you are still not interested, tell him or her the truth. It’s okay to simply say, “No, thank you.” If it’s true, you can tell him or her that you are just not interested in dating anyone right now.

You don’t owe them an explanation, but if you actually have a good reason there’s no harm in mentioning it. When it comes to turning someone down, being active is always better than being passive. Address it as soon as you have the chance; d on’t stall, avoid confrontation, or just assume that they will eventually “take the hint.” Give a definitive “ no” so both of you can move on with your lives.

Treat them how you’d want to be treated

A direct “no” can sound pretty harsh if it isn’t handled tactfully, so always try to apply the golden rule to these situations. There’s no reason to be offended or act like you’re disgusted (unless they’re intentionally being offensive or disgusting). It’s flattering to get asked out, so be polite and try to at least show some appreciation for the thought . Remember, it takes a lot of courage to approach someone, especially in person.

How Being Humble, Kind, and Calm Will Make Your Life Easier

You’ve heard it all your life: Being humble, kind, and calm is the “right thing to do.” But if that

Dr. Neil Clark Warren, founder of eHarmony, suggests you show them the same respect you would want if the tables were turned. Always keep your tone in mind, stay calm and be gentle, while you also make sure you still sound assured.

Lastly, keep the situation to yourself. If you’re in a group situation or share the same friends, don’t tell everyone what happened. If you’ve turned someone down, they already feel rejected and don’t need to add embarrassment to the list.

Use “I” statements to keep it about you

If you choose to explain to someone why you’re not interested in them, try and keep the reasoning about you, not the other person. Listing reasons of why they don’t “measure up” can come off as rude, condescending, and also damage their confidence to approach people in the future. Susan RoAne, communication expert and author of What Do I Say Next?, recommends you use “I” statements instead. Here are some examples:

  • I don’t see you that way, I’m sorry.
  • I’ve really enjoyed talking with you, but I don’t feel a connection between us.
  • I’m trying to do my own thing right now so I’m not looking to date anyone.
  • I think you’re great, but I’m looking for something else right now.

You’re not bringing them down or putting yourself above them, you’re just explaining your perspective. Think of it as a pre-emptive “it’s not you, it’s me” speech. Only this way, nobody is getting nearly as hurt.

Make things clear and final

When you turn someone down, do it nicely, but make sure they know it’s final. Don’t keep people on the hook. You might think you’re being nice by saying “let’s be friends” or “why don’t we get to know each other first,” but it’s only going to blow up in your face down the line if you don’t mean it.

On her blog, author Marcella Purnama explains that there’s no need to be overly sympathetic or friendly after the fact:

After being rejected, the door is sometimes not yet fully closed and prone to be opened by the slightest friendly action.. . Don’t let him think that there’s still hope when there’s not.

There’s no need to call, text, or even be Facebook friends if that’s not something you want. As dating expert Christie Hartman, Ph.D. explains , only say “let’s be friends” if you actually want that and have a very strong reason to believe it will work. Otherwise, this can be confusing to them; they might think your initial “no” just means “not right now.” If you’re not into them, be respectful and let them know it’s never going to happen.

Ask an Expert: All About Online Dating Etiquette

Say hi to Adam Huie, CEO of the free dating app Let’s Date. Described as “the Instagram of dating,”