Human relations are not easy and sometimes we must interact with people we don’t like. But this does not mean that we are hypocrites or poorly educated. Although there is no empathy between you and that person, it is important to save face. You can always find someone you dislike at work, within your family, at school or college and even among your group of closest friends. There are always people who come and go and they may not be to your liking.
So what to do in the cases in which we don’t like that person? In this OneHowTo article we’re going to give you some tips for you to discover how to avoid someone you dislike without being annoying or impolite.
- Learn to keep distance
- Do not reveal your own discomfort
- Put things in perspective
- Consider dialogue
- Avoid contact as much as possible
- Do not shout from the rooftops that you dislike that person
Learn to keep distance
It is important to understand that to avoid someone you dislike, it does not mean that you should mistreat or abuse that person. Do not ignore them or mount a witch-hunt against them. Simply stop that person from being linked with your personal life or your own inner emotions. In this case there is nothing better than keeping the distance.
Do not get involved with that person intimately, even out of courtesy. Do not tell them private things or say anything incriminating in their presence and hide your personal opinions from this person. Simply maintain courtesy where and when necessary, without delving into the personal sphere.
Do not reveal your own discomfort
Some experts suggest that when faced with someone we do not like, it is important to never reveal our discomfort with that person, as this may affect our image in front of others within that same environment. This recommendation is especially important when that person is in your work or home environment.
So the best thing is that when you have to talk that you always do with a neutral face. A balanced voice tone that is not too serious and maintaining eye contact are also good pointers. Using gestures of disgust, being too serious and maintaining sharp looks or avoiding eye contact are some of the signs that we do when someone we do not like someone. However, we should strive to behave in a more neutral manner and to use self-control.
Put things in perspective
Why do you dislike that person? Is it something that you can solve? Is there anything you can do to improve the situation?
Many times we hold grudges against people for small, unimportant offences, for things that irritate us and we do not speak out at the right time or we keep quiet because the personalities of both parties could well collide. Whatever the reason, the fact is that you are the only person capable that can make the situation affect you less. Avoid giving importance to all those details that upset you. Do not spend your time thinking a lot about that person and try to make the situation bearable.
We assure you that the less importance you give to everything that annoys you, the better your life will be.
Are you sure that the best solution is to avoid someone who you dislike? There are cases where it is not necessary to foster dialogue to try a new approach, for example, when it comes to someone who does not belong to your environment or who you see only sporadically. However, there are situations where these differences could lead to great discomfort.
It is important to consider dialogue if the person you dislike:
- Works directly with you and your same team.
- Is part of your family circle and you see them frequently.
- Is part of your social circle and is frequently in your way.
- Is a person close to you.
If there have been unresolved conflicts in the cross over, then it is best to sit down and talk about them. Foster dialogue, apologise for what has been your fault, listen to others and smooth out rough edges to make the situation more bearable. This can significantly improve the environment and make things easier for everyone.
Avoid contact as much as possible
If you can not even consider the possibility of fostering some form of dialogue, or if after talking you’ve had no results, then it is best to avoid any close contact with that particular person. If you are part of a close environment, avoid being alone with that person so you do not find yourself being forced to have a conversation with them. Try to always be in the company of others and if possible stay in a different group so that person does not creep in and irritate you.
Do not share your personal space with that person and always maintain the minimum treatment required with regards to the standards of courtesy, but without going beyond the mark. It is also important not to try to engage in conversation or to tell them your intimate things. You can always try to quickly finish conversations with that person so that they don’t extract all the information from you.
Do not shout from the rooftops that you dislike that person
Finally, and although someone really makes your blood boil, it is important not to shout it out from the rooftops as you could hurt the feelings of another person. Sometimes we do not put with someone because both personalities clash, but maybe the other does not feel the same towards you or that person feels very uncomfortable to know what you think about him or her.
Especially if this person is in your family or workplace, it is important to be discreet and secretive about your opinion and feelings, otherwise you will cause damage.
If you want to read similar articles to How to Avoid Someone You Dislike, we recommend you visit our Friendship category.
No matter how much of an angel and a sweetheart you are, there must be people that you just cannot stand; and that is completely OK. We all often end up in situations where we just cannot avoid the people that we dislike. We give you some of the ways in which you can ensure that you spend minimum time with such people.
1. Do not give mixed signals
If you do not like someone’s company, make sure you do not give them a reason to believe otherwise. Avoid making physical contact, playing with your hair, or giggling. This might send them a signal that you are actually enjoying the conversation. Just keep a plain face and do not give them signals that might confuse them.
2. Keep your answers short
How long you actually want to sustain the conversation is up to you. If you react keenly whenever they say anything, then the discussion will never end. Try giving monosyllabic replies wherever possible. Stick to “hmm” or “yeah” or “no”. Just keep things plain. Most importantly, do not ask them any questions. If you do, then you will be the one initiating a dialogue. Just be passive and give short replies to their queries.
3. ALWAYS be ready with an excuse
Whenever you are about to meet up with a person you do not like, be ready with some excuse that would allow you to leave the place whenever you want. You could start the conversation by saying, ” I am swamped with work today”. That way, you can leave midway by saying, “I need to get back to my work now.” If you do not think of excuses before you meet them, then it will be difficult to come up with convincing excuses on the spot.
The best way to ignore or avoid someone you really don’t like is to just be out of their way. Yes, it is easier said than done, especially when sometimes the most hated stays in your own home. However, it isn’t impossible to avoid someone completely. Today we would like to speak more about that, hence please read on and be well-informed for the same.
Ignoring someone is as good as being indifferent to the persons needs. For example, if he or she is persistent about talking with you or hanging out with you, give them the cold shoulder. Let’s say he or she wants to go out with you and meet your friends over coffee. The time has been decided as 5p.m, it’s almost 4:30pm and there is no way that the annoying person would back out.
So You Want to Ignore:
Go ahead and have a shower, dress well and walk out without informing them. Enjoy your evening out; keep your phone on silent and come back home when you please. If the person asks you anything about leaving them behind, either tell them that they should have been ready since you are known to be a stickler for time or just go by them and talk to anyone else at home. Looking through them and their needs would send out a message that you’d rather stay not knowing about their existence in your life, than have them as tag along pieces.
Another way to send across a stark message of being indifferent is to avoid their calls, messages, phone texts and whats app messages or emails as well. If they ask you why you don’t reply, let them know you are too busy helping someone they hate, helping people who really need help or maybe helping yourself finish a task of major importance, the rest can wait.
Avoiding someone doesn’t mean you hate them, it means you really don’t need them around at the moment. And you can always show them reasons why you don’t want them around. For example, unhygienic, unruly behavior in public, ill-mannered, bad eating habits, the way they dress, walk, talk, socialize, comment online, maybe they have been the reason why your friends now don’t talk to you because of the gossip being spread by this one person.
The Choice is Yours:
No one can actually tell you for real how to avoid or ignore someone. If it is online, you can avoid the person completely by changing the settings on your messengers and social networking sites. Block the person and he or she would be doomed and dammed.
If someone comes up with their topics, stories or talks, tell them you are least interested or listen to music using your earplugs. This would send out a strong message that you really aren’t interested in the other person’s life, well-being or whatever. And moreover, this would also tell people that you really want to have them doing nothing in your personal and private space too.
Just in case you happen to share the same room, space or class with them; don’t let them sit close to you. Make an excuse and change your place, speak to the authorities or someone elder at home and move out. And if in case you have to talk to the person you want to avoid, make no eye contact at all. Just move away or look through the person and live your life. Remember, in the end as mentioned it is all about avoiding on a personal note, and only you would best know what would work wonders in your case.
We are not born jerks.
Posted Jan 09, 2017
We all have people in our lives we dislike and many of those people we just can’t avoid. Co-workers, friends of our boyfriend / girlfriend, bosses, teachers, and family members. So let’s use them. Not for money, gifts, and free lunches. That’s nice. But let’s get something more from them. Growth.
First, people are not born assholes. They behave that way because of their story, what they’ve been through, what they’re lacking in tools, what they’re going through today, and what you trigger in them. Basically this means their behavior has less to do with you and more to do with them. What you are experiencing is them coping. That’s what being an asshole is, coping. It’s their desperate attempt to minimize their anxiety. They are pulling from a place of hurt or void. Know that.
This will help. If you don’t know their story, imagine it. See them when they were ten and bullied. Picture their childhood and the way their parents were to them and how they internalized that, the shit they must have gone through to be acting this way. When you do this, they become three dimensional. You see them as hurting instead of just a dick. There’s always a story behind someone’s wiring and you will begin to blame that instead of them. This is a great tool to exercise your empathy muscles. That’s the pitch. Now, it’s time to swing.
Usually our resistance has more to do with us than them. The way they are is triggering something in us. Their words. Their behavior. Their energy. This is the important piece. This is where you will find growth. What is it about them that is causing such a reaction in you? Who do they remind you of? Someone you don’t like? Possibly yourself? Do you see parts of you in them that you don’t like about yourself? Or parts in them that you lack in yourself?
Now let’s hit this shit out of the park.
As you explore and work on that, now try to change your behavior around them. Instead of being defensive, see them as that hurting child and accept them, encourage them, support them. I’m not saying be patronizing. Then you become the asshole, the one “coping”. I’m saying turn your dial to give and pull from the place in your heart that is purely authentic and kind. Pull yourself and your ego it of it. Maybe that means a healthy conversation about how you feel when you’re around them, without wanting anything back. See how long you can pull from that place before your ego turns that dial again. Give them your hand instead of your back or your finger. Be consistent. Breathe. See what happens. The dynamic will change. Slowly, but it will. Their guards will drop, your resistance will lessen, and guess what? You just changed a relationship.
The business environment is filled with different kinds of people who have varying personalities, behaviors and interests. As a result, you may encounter people who you don’t get along with or dislike at work. However, in a professional setting, you may not have the option to avoid those you don’t like. They may be on your team, in your department or working on your project. Implement strategies to get along with your coworkers so you can help the business meet its goals.
Consider How You’re Contributing to the Situation
When you don’t like someone at work, you may think that this is entirely their fault. However, it’s important to take a step back and consider why you have these feelings. What is it about this person that makes you dislike them? Avoiding your co-worker isn’t a good idea, as you’ll likely run into them sometime at work. As a result, it’s important to get to the heart of the matter and consider the reasoning behind your reaction. The person you don’t like may have some negative aspects of their personality, but you may also be contributing to the animosity.
Forbes suggests that attribution bias sometimes plays a big role in how we see other people. In this kind of cognitive bias, people blame other’s shortcomings on their character but don’t hold themselves up to the same standard. For example, if you leave work early, it’s because you’re very busy and have a doctor’s appointment, but if your co-worker leaves work early, it’s because they’re unmotivated and apathetic.
Try and Understand Your Co-Worker’s Perspective
You may just think, “I don’t get along with my coworkers,” and blame it on their personality or work habits. However, if you want to move past this situation, you need to look at the other side. How does your co-worker feel about all this? What is their viewpoint? Harvard Business Review suggests putting in the effort to understand the other person’s perspective.
Just like you, they have their own goals and motivations. It’s important to remember that those goals and motivations are valid, just like yours. Consider what is behind your co-worker behaving a certain way or saying something that irks you. Are they purposefully trying to annoy or anger you, or are they just working towards their goals and motivations and not realizing how their actions make you feel?
Accept That People Don’t Always Get Along
In the workplace as in life, not everyone will see eye to eye. While it’s vital to put in the effort to get along, in some situations, that’s just not possible. Entrepreneur recommends trying to remove strong emotions out of your reactions. Simply accept that you don’t get along with your co-worker but that you have to work with them to achieve the business’ objectives. Don’t judge the co-worker or consider them in the wrong for not getting along with you.
The Muse notes that often people feel guilty for not liking another person based on their personality. However, you can get rid of the guilt by accepting this is a normal fact of life. You don’t like all kinds of food or all kinds of fashion, so you don’t have to like all kinds of personalities either. Removing the guilt helps you focus more on work and less on your emotional reaction to the person you don’t get along with.
Be Tactful and Polite When Working With People You Hate
When you’re working with people you hate, it can be difficult to monitor your emotions and language. However, in a workplace setting, it’s imperative to be professional in your interactions, even if you really dislike the other person. The Muse notes that it’s possible to be civil and talk about difficult situations without being accusatory or rude. If your co-worker has done something you don’t like, such as taking credit for your work, use open communication to discuss the matter with them.
Entrepreneur suggests being firm with the issue you’re discussing without being firm on the person. Tell the co-worker you don’t approve of their actions in this matter, but don’t make personal attacks on their character or personality. Discuss the specific situation without getting emotional or personal. This gives you the upper hand and helps you keep decorum at work.
Carefully Pick Your Battles
When it comes to working with people you don’t like, you may have to deal with them on a daily basis. This means that there will be multiple situations that bother, frustrate, anger and annoy you. Entrepreneur reminds that not all of those situations are worth your time, energy and emotions. If you focus on each aspect of your interaction and how much you dislike that co-worker, you will not be able to focus on your job. This can affect your performance and your future at work.
Carefully decide which challenges you want to give your energy to. If the situation does you more harm than good when dealing with it, perhaps it’s something you can just let go. If there is a real benefit to you dealing with it, then weigh whether you want to move forward. Keep in mind that dealing with a difficult situation requires emotional and mental energy, which can affect the rest of your day at work.
Establish Boundaries for Your Interactions
Even though you have to work with someone who you really don’t like, you have the ability to set up boundaries for engaging with them. Start with physical boundaries, such as asking your manager if you can move your desk to another area for fewer distractions. Just being physically far away from the co-worker may help you calm down and focus on your job. If that’s not possible, wear noise-canceling headphones to reduce negative interactions.
Set up emotional and mental boundaries too, so that your feelings for your co-worker don’t seep into other aspects of your life. Decide for yourself that you won’t think about them after hours, or practice mindfulness so you’re not overwhelmed by their toxicity. Keep in mind that you don’t have to engage with them on matters outside of work, so don’t give them the opportunity to get under your skin in other situations.
Confront the Issue Together
If you’re constantly saying to yourself, “I hate my co-workers,” it’s possible your co-workers are saying the same thing. Consider whether your co-worker doesn’t like you either and is having a difficult time working with you. Forbes suggests being upfront and having a discussion on how to solve the problem together. Openly say that you notice you’re both not getting along with one another, and ask whether they have any ideas on how you can work together more effectively. Perhaps you can pinpoint what behavior or activity bothers you both so you can try to improve your work habits.
If the other person doesn’t want to compromise or isn’t willing to work things out, that is something you cannot control. Remember that you made an effort to make the situation better. Keep your focus on the job and not on your co-worker. In time, they may realize they have to compromise in order to more effectively perform at work.
If your co-worker is willing to listen and discuss the situation, this is an excellent opportunity to figure out next steps. Ensure you’re meeting your co-worker halfway and compromising where possible. This is a good learning opportunity for both of you. Not only can you come up with ways to get along better, but you can also help reduce friction and disagreements in the future.
Face it. we all deal with people whom we dislike and doing so means that we feel the emotions associated with dislike. Even though disliking others seems to separates “them” from “us,” in fact, “we” are connected through the experience.
Consider someone that you find irritating, unpleasant, or truly horrible, and briefly focus on the adjectives (irritating etc) and not noun (the person). The adjectives reflect your tastes and perspectives. They’re subjective, and provide information to help you deal the emotion directly. along the lines of “If you don’t like so-and-so, hang out with other people.”
On the other hand, sometimes, another person (the noun) can seem to trigger an almost visceral personal reaction – almost a repulsion – that goes beyond rational explanation and feels bigger or deeper than pure subjective opinion. It’s not totally objective (because you still experience it), but there’s something else at play. and dealing this type of encounter can be much more difficult.
Fortunately, such reactions are usually few and far between. Unfortunately, they tend to happen at the most inopportune moments or in the midst of the most complicated, intractable situations. For example, maybe you have an inexplicably strong, negative reaction to your sibling’s new romantic partner or your kid’s new best friend. You want to like the person, for the sake of your sibling or child and because life would be a whole lot simpler if only you could. However, if your mind and body rebel with the warning of dislike, you’ve got a complex situation on your hands and a little mindfulness can help.
Here are a couple of tips to help you deal:
- Listen to your gut: Focus your awareness on your body and learn from a language without words. Maybe you get a queasy feeling when things aren’t right, and, like me, you’ve learned to take that warning seriously? When I don’t, my head starts hurting and then my mouth gets dry, and then. well, you can imagine. Responding early and effectively is a much better option. If my gut tells me that I need some distance from someone or something, I do well to get some space. This applies even if it’s inconvenient, and there’s almost always a way to make it happen.
- Notice your thoughts: Pay attention to your mind, and notice whether your thoughts provide insight that constructively reduce your discomfort or if you’re trying to convince yourself that everything’s okay when it isn’t. I’ve learned that discerning the difference can be critically important, such as when I experience a kind of “knee-jerk” dislike for a new acquaintance based on my perception of some similarity to another – and totally unrelated – person. When this happens, my wave of dislike is neither constructive nor fair, and recognizing what’s happening is the key to getting over it. On the other hand, if my brain is trying to convince my heart that I ought to like someone just because my sibling or friend does. then I’m giving myself bad advice. Sure, I need to be polite with that person, there’s no need to force myself to like someone if I don’t.
- Accept when it’s your issue: Pause and consider what’s happening and why. If you dislike someone because that person’s personality or qualities are not to your taste (but still socially-acceptable), then your dislike is your issue and you need to decide what to do based on other considerations. So, if I don’t like my best friend’s new romantic partner, but I love her and can see that the new guy isn’t harmful (just annoying), then maybe I can be more patient. If not, well, I’ll give them some space, respectfully.
- Acknowledge when there’s something else going on: Consider that your sense of dislike might be a real warning of danger. Sometimes our kids bring home new friends whose behavior we, as parents, recognize as dangerous. We can’t choose our kids’ friends, but we can make clear boundaries in our homes and we certainly owe our children the respect of explanations. Pay attention to signs of danger, and promote protection. Such clues are priceless, and acting on them requires confidence as well as delicacy.
There’s more to disliking someone than feelings, and there’s good reason to reflect on the root of the emotion. Is it an expression of personal taste or a clue about more profound danger? Does the most constructive response involve dealing with dislike, personally (within yourself)? Or is there something that must be done regarding the external situation and even the other person? Clarity is key to applying some wisdom here. And while there’s no simple solution to dealing with dislike, bringing mindfulness to the process can help.
David is a publisher and entrepreneur who tries to help professionals grow their business and careers, and gives advice for entrepreneurs. Read full profile
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In a perfect world, each person we interact with would be nice, kind, considerate, mindful, generous, and more. They would get our jokes and we would get theirs. We would all thrive in a convivial atmosphere where no one was ever cross, upset, or maligned.
However, we don’t live in a perfect world. Some people drive us crazy, and we (admittedly) drive a few mad as well. Those we dislike are inconsiderate, rushed, malign our character, question our motives, or just don’t get our jokes at all — but expect us to laugh at all theirs.
You might wonder whether it is possible to be fair to someone who ruffles you all the time, or someone you’d rather avoid eating lunch with. You might wonder if you should learn to like every person you meet.
According to Robert Sutton (a professor of management science at Stanford University), it’s neither possible — nor even ideal — to build a team comprised entirely of people you’d invite to a backyard barbecue.
That’s why smart people make the most out of people they don’t like. Here’s how they do it.
1. They accept that they are not going to like everyone.
Sometimes we get caught in the trap of thinking that we are nice people. We think that we are going to like everyone we interact with — even when that’s not going to happen. It’s inevitable you will encounter difficult people who oppose what you think. Smart people know this. They also recognize that conflicts or disagreements are a result of differences in values.
That person you don’t like is not intrinsically a bad human. The reason you don’t get along is because you have different values, and that difference creates judgment. Once you accept that not everyone will like you, and you won’t like everyone because of a difference in values, the realization can take the emotion out of the situation. That may even result in getting along better by agreeing to disagree.
2. They bear with (not ignore or dismiss) those they don’t like.
Sure, you may cringe at his constant criticism, grit your teeth at her lousy jokes, or shake your head at the way he hovers around her all the time, but feeling less than affectionate to someone might not be the worst thing. “From a performance standpoint, liking the people you manage too much is a bigger problem than liking them too little,” says Sutton.
“You need people who have different points of view and aren’t afraid to argue,” Sutton adds. “They are the kind of people who stop the organization from doing stupid things.” It may not be easy, but bear with them. It is often those who challenge or provoke us that prompt us to new insights and help propel the group to success. Remember, you are not perfect either, yet people still tolerate you.
3. They treat those they don’t like with civility.
Whatever your feelings are for someone, that person will be highly attuned to your attitude and behavior, and will likely reflect it back to you. If you are rude to them, they will likely throw away all decorum and be rude to you too. The onus; therefore, is on you to remain fair, impartial, and composed.
“Cultivating a diplomatic poker face is important. You need to be able to come across as professional and positive,” says Ben Dattner, an organizational psychologist and author of The Blame Game. This way you won’t stoop to their level or be sucked into acting the way they do.
4. They check their own expectations.
It’s not uncommon for people to have unrealistic expectations about others. We may expect others to act exactly as we would, or say the things that we might say in a certain situation. However, that’s not realistic. “People have ingrained personality traits that are going to largely determine how they react,” says Alan A. Cavaiola, PhD (psychology professor at Monmouth University in West Long Branch, New Jersey). “Expecting others to do as you would do is setting yourself up for disappointment and frustration.”
If a person causes you to feel exactly the same way every time, adjust your expectations appropriately. This way you’ll be psychologically prepared and their behavior will not catch you by surprise. Smart people do this all the time. They’re not always surprised by a dis-likable person’s behavior.
5. They turn inwards and focus on themselves.
No matter what you try, some people can still really get under our skin. It’s important that you learn how to handle your frustration when dealing with someone who annoys you. Instead of thinking about how irritating that person is, focus on why you are reacting the way you are. Sometimes what we don’t like in others is frequently what we don’t like in ourselves. Besides, they didn’t create the button, they’re only pushing it.
Pinpoint the triggers that might be complicating your feelings. You may then be able to anticipate, soften, or even alter your reaction. Remember: it’s easier to change your perceptions, attitude, and behavior than to ask someone to be a different kind of person.
6. They pause and take a deep breath.
Some personality characteristics may always set you off, says Kathleen Bartle (a California-based conflict consultant). Maybe it’s the colleague who regularly misses deadlines, or the guy who tells off-color jokes. Take a look at what sets you off and who’s pushing your buttons. That way, Bartle says, you can prepare for when it happens again.
According to her, “If you can pause and get a grip on your adrenaline pump and go to the intellectual part of your brain, you’ll be better able to have a conversation and to skip over the judgment.” A deep breath and one big step back can also help to calm you down and protect you from overreaction, thereby allowing you to proceed with a slightly more open mind and heart.
7. They voice their own needs.
If certain people constantly tick you off, calmly let them know that their manner of behavior or communication style is a problem for you. Avoid accusatory language and instead try the “When you . . . I feel . . .” formula. For example, Cacaiola advises you to tell that person, “When you cut me off in meetings, I feel like you don’t value my contributions.” Then, take a moment and wait for their response.
You may find that the other person didn’t realize you weren’t finished speaking, or your colleague was so excited about your idea that she enthusiastically jumped into the conversation.
8. They allow space between them.
If all else fails, smart people allow space between themselves and those they don’t like. Excuse yourself and go on your way. If at work, move to another room or sit at the other end of the conference table. With a bit of distance, perspective, and empathy, you may be able to come back and interact both with those people you like and those you don’t like as if unfazed.
Of course, everything would be easier if we could wish people we don’t like away. Too bad we all know that’s not how life works.
The Best 12 Ways to Deal with Your Haters
It is not unheard of to come across certain people during the course of your life who just make your skin crawl. They might say or do things that may be uncalled for and generally raise your blood pressure. But a big part of being successful in your career and life is to know how to deal with people who hate you. Not through violence or “getting even”, but by showing them how little they matter to you.
The Best 12 Ways to Deal with Your Haters
Okay, so this might sound like the most obvious thing in the world and it probably is, but it is for a reason: it works. Your haters are like the bullies in grade school. They are insecure and have attention-seeking tendencies. Responding to them gets you nowhere, so just don’t. It might be hard but if you can, you won’t even need the remaining 11 tips that follow this one.
Follow the 24-Hour Rule
Every professional worth their salt knows this one. And it works for dealing with hateful people as well. Whenever you are attacked, delay your response by 24 hours. Don’t react to the initial attack because you would be letting anger and emotion cloud your judgement. You might say and do things which you might regret later. Not a smart idea. So wait on it, sleep on it and then get back to it.
Hate Is Infectious
Not letting the hate put out by other people is key to knowing how to deal with people who hate you. Think of hate as a poison. It is toxic. It is a scientifically proven fact that feeling negative emotions such as hate is bad for your physical health. So don’t hate the other person back, because you don’t deserve to feel like that for something someone else did. And he or she probably doesn’t even matter to you.
Know Your “Buttons”
Hating is on the other person. But letting that hate affect you is on you. A good way to avoid being provoked is to know what provokes you in the first place. Think of it as a defence mechanism. When you know what pushes you over the edge, you immediately become conscious every time someone does something to instigate negative feelings in you. In short, know what pushes your reaction buttons and restrain yourself.
Hate Is Unavoidable
It is important to realize that you are not going to get everyone to like you. As a wise man puts it, “you could be the sweetest peach in the world, but you will always find someone who hates peaches”. Most successful people take hate as a positive factor to know that they are on the right track. However, all this probably isn’t true if everyone hates you! Then you might just need to introspect. But hate cannot be avoided either way.
Use Apologies Wisely
I’m not going to tell you not to apologize or to apologize all the time. Neither way is correct on its own. It is completely acceptable to stand your ground sometimes. Other times, when you think you are at fault for provoking hatred from the other person, try apologizing. It helps to smooth the creases. But for people who are just mean, don’t make excuses for who you are. Just keep doing your thing.
Develop a “Delete” Button
It is a fantastic ability to be able to shut things out. Indeed, it is one of the self-defence mechanisms the human psyche has. Every time you see someone make a rude or distasteful comment, hit that button and remove it from your life. It’s like giving your badly behaved puppy time in the box. Just as it’ll come out more well-behaved next time, you hater too will refrain from repeating their acts again.
Maintain a Perspective
A good way to know how to deal with people who hate you is by acknowledging that your hater may not always be wrong. Sometimes we are affected by hate coming from others because deep down inside we think they might be right. Know your weaknesses and shortcomings so that next time they are attacked, you can say “I know, I’m working on it.” This will serve as an anti-climax to all the negativity and help break that cycle.
Avoid Violence at All Cost!
Seriously, never use violence. Never. This will lead to more complicated issues. Settling conflicts through fights to death was popular with the Romans and look where that got them. Avoid throwing punches at all costs. It shows that you are weak inside and it will only rile up your hater further. Moreover, it gives more people a reason to hate you. That is the last thing you want.
Don’t Search for a Reason
You will never find one. An emotion like hate is often an irrational one. It comes from insecurities set deep within the person doing the hating. It is futile and a waste of time and effort to keep searching for a reason of why they hate you. They just do. Accept it and deal with it with the above mentioned steps. Getting over hatred is a psychological battle and you do not want to lose it by focusing on the wrong things.
Speak Up When It’s Time
If you are dragged to a point where the hate is getting so bad, you can’t take it anymore, speak up for yourself. Take a deep breath, calm yourself and just tell the hater that you think they are wrong about you. Don’t attack them in return, just put up a rock solid defence and let them know in whichever way that they do not matter. This will not only let you vent your irritation but also instill respect for you in the other person.
Time Heals All
The final mantra to knowing how to deal with someone who hates you is by realizing that as time passes, everything gets better. Even from the hater’s perspective this holds true. No one can hate someone for their entire life. It is just a temporary phase born out of distasteful feelings, so just relax and let time do its thing.