I believe the secret to men having a happy and fulfilling marriage is to become a better husband.
I spent too many years trying to change my wife, thinking it would improve our marriage. I believe that my wife would acknowledge that she took the same approach.
Eventually, I realized that the only person I could change was myself. When I worked on becoming a better husband, our relationship improved.
It was in becoming a better husband that I received a better wife. I am not suggesting that you work on self-improvement to receive a better wife. If that is your motive, it will fail miserably.
Please re-read the preceding paragraph. It bears repeating. Trust me; becoming a better version of yourself is its own reward.
After many years of marriage, I have discovered that a better husband seeks guidance from his wife in understanding her needs, is thoughtful and kind and aspires to be a worthy companion.
Table of Contents
A better husband seeks guidance from his wife in understanding her needs.
A better husband asks his wife what she really needs. As men, we may think our wives need financial security, a confident leader, and a problem-solver.
Maybe your wife longs for intimacy, a yearning to be known, accepted and loved for who they are. But this is not always the case.
What your wife needs and what you think she needs may not be the same.
Is there anything more wasteful than expending tremendous time, energy, and resources on a perceived need that does not exist?
The only way to discover a wife’s actual needs is to ask probing questions and listen. Your wife has probably told you on numerous occasions, and you didn’t catch it. Apologize and ask again.
You might be slow to learn, but you can be persistent. What are her dreams? What are her fears?
A better husband is thoughtful and kind.
There are things in life that cost you more as time goes by marriage, raising children, and a car’s upkeep. But a careless word is the most costly.
Being thoughtful and kind invites compassion as a response. Often an argument can be avoided by a gentle response. Proverbs says that a gentle answer turns away wrath.
It is in a marriage that sarcasm meets its first worthy editor and adversary.
Abuse, in any form, is not thoughtful or kind. Physical, mental, emotional, and verbal abuse can quickly destroy a marriage. No one should stay in a relationship where the constant threat of physical harm is present.
A better husband aspires to be a worthy companion.
A companion spends time with someone. But a worthy companion will not merely walk alongside someone; they will close the distance.
A worthy companion will seek to be faithful, fair, and fun. Faithful. Affairs, physical and emotional, can destroy a relationship. Protect your heart from engagement with others. In an age of social media, this is a challenge. Draconian measures are not necessary, but common sense is.
Fair. Marriage is a partnership. Neither one of you is the boss or a slave. The Bible teaches mutual submission to each other. Each household needs to work out how this functions in your family.
In our family, my wife has asked me to be in charge of our finances. She has agreed that she will support my decision if there is a disagreement with how to proceed.
This approach has produced a fantastic response in me that I did not anticipate. With a hard decision, I will wait for additional information when possible. When an urgent decision is required, I know she will support me. Conversely, If the decision is strictly a matter of personal preference, I will often yield to her wishes.
How you make difficult choices is often more important than the actual decision.
Fun. You got married because being with your spouse was fun. But now, financial and parental obligations have left you too exhausted to party.
In the early years of our marriage, our friends suggested a date night. But often, we canceled the date night due to sick kids or finances.
We opted for playing a game before bedtime. For years, it was Yahtzee. Now we compete with digital timed versions of solitaire. While we play the game, we talk and have fun.
A call to action.
How do we become better husbands? We can seek to understand our wives, being thoughtful and kind; becoming a companion worthy of their love and respect.
What tangible steps can you take this week to be a better husband? What can you consistently do with your spouse that is easy, affordable, and fun?
If you liked this check our my post on how to be a better father.
How to Be a Good Husband: Seven Tips
Even the greatest athlete benefits from coaching. Though I realize that husbands reading this likely are already awesome, I offer these tips as a marriage coach. Husbands, use these to go from great to glorious in seven easy steps.
1. Do not talk to her as if she is one of the guys.
Listen to guy buddies talk about anything for more than five minutes and you likely will hear one of them let the other know that he is an idiot. When men talk with their male friends, they tend to be direct or even argumentative. They share their opinions freely and bluntly. They jokingly insult each other. They blast anything the other guy says that they do not like or agree with. Do they stop to think, “Am I being insensitive? Could I possibly be hurting his feelings?” The guy code is to let the chips fall where they may.
Women are NOT like that.
If a husband talks with his wife, in the same manner, he talks with his buddies, his directness, bluntness, or argumentativeness may well cause her to feel disrespected or controlled. He thinks he is being honest and forthright. She feels he is being a jerk.
If you really want to be a better husband, understand that women speak a different language. Unless you learn to speak that language, you will never communicate on the deeper levels with her.
2. Make sure that she does not perceive you as controlling.
The most common complaint we hear from women in our workshops for marriages in crisis is that their husbands try to control them. Interestingly, the husband usually counters with his view that she is the controlling one.
Eyes open and behavior changes only when each person realizes that his or her motive is NOT the most important thing; it is what the other person perceives that matters. In marriages in which the man actually is controlling, he typically has no clue that he is because that is not his conscious intent. By speaking his mind, criticizing her when she does not comply with his thinking, and arguing with her to get his point across, he believes he is treating her well. There is no motive to hurt. He may actually believe his intent is to help.
Many wives finally give up and give in when that happens. The husband may think he convinced her to view things his way. Most of the time, it is anything but that. Tired of the conflict and feeling she is being treated as an inferior, she yields simply to stop the conflict. That builds resentment within her and with time, resentment detonates. In a non-published survey of married couples done in 2008, 21% of wives stated that their satisfaction with their husbands as a mate had decreased because he is controlling, disrespectful, and argues.
To make sure your wife does NOT feel that you control her, concentrate on her feelings about what you say and do. If she genuinely feels that you treat her as your equal, you are doing it correctly.
3. Romance is what she really wants.
In the same survey referred to above, 27% of wives stated that their level of sexual satisfaction had decreased because their husbands were not romantic, and that sex had become routine and boring.
While humans – both male and female – have the need for sexual fulfillment, it appears that men may be more satisfied by the frequency of sex, but women may be more satisfied by the emotional relationship in sex. To be a better husband, think about becoming a Don Juan for your wife. Court her. Think of new and different scenarios that PRECEDE your sexual interaction. Make her feel wonderful about herself and make sex exciting not just by technique, but also by touching her heart first.
4. Listening is the key to her heart.
Few people – men or women – feel that anyone truly listens to them. If you wish to change the way your wife perceives you, increase her sexual satisfaction, and become in her mind the best man on earth, listen to her.
That means that you do not interrupt her with your stories, your thoughts on what she just said, or by changing the subject. Listen to her heart as well as her words. As she talks, ask yourself, “What is she feeling as she tells me this?” Even more importantly, ask yourself, “What is the message she really wants me to hear?” Once she knows that you are genuinely interested in her views, thoughts, and feelings, you can actually ask her those questions. However, do NOT ask them until you know that she knows that you are trying to understand her, not correct her.
This one thing can change you into a better husband in one month: Each day spend at least a half-hour just listening to your wife talk. Turn off the TV, cellphones, and radios. Find a place where there are no distractions, including interruptions from your children. Look directly into her eyes, and then ask a couple questions to get her started. Comment only if she asks, or if you want better to understand something she just said. Show her that you enjoy hearing her talk, no matter how trivial the subject, because it helps you understand her better and love her more.
5. Time matters.
The old adage – which is not that old – that “quality time is more important than quantity of time” is ridiculous. Allowing work, hobbies, or other interests to keep you from spending time with your wife will, with time, deaden emotions.
You may have heard “absence makes the heart grow fonder.” From my experience with thousands of couples, I think the more accurate axiom is “absence makes the heart grow fonder for someone else.”
Make time just for the two of you. It will not happen if you do not make it happen. Plan it and do it.
6. Be her support, not her father.
The next time your wife comes home complaining about how someone treated her, do NOT tell her what she should have done, tell her what she should do, or offer to go deal with the problem yourself. Instead, listen, understand what she feels, and then give her the “poor baby.”
The “poor baby” is just what it sounds like. Let her know she has a right to feel hurt and that you are sorry it happened to her.
Unless she asks your opinion or asks you to deal with the problem, do NOT offer to do so. You are not her father; you are her husband. Treat her as your equal. If she complains about a situation, your job is to listen, let her know you are on HER side (even if you think she did not handle things correctly, or that it was her fault) and that you are always there to support her. More than likely, she wants to forget the incident, but she needs validation that she has a right to feel hurt or angry. Give it to her.
7. Keep growing.
No husband or wife reaches perfection in his or her roles. There will be plenty of times throughout your marriage when you will make mistakes, say the wrong thing, or leave your dirty underwear lying on the bedroom floor. It happens to the best of husbands. But it is important to not let those moments of blunders define your marriage. Use every opportunity you can to continue to grow closer to your wife and learn more about her wants, needs, desires, and aspirations. Keep learning and growing. Just like a fine wine or aged cheese, marriage gets better over the years.
Publication date: November 26, 2012
David N Johnson
I’m asked all the time, how can I be a better husband? I’ve been asked that question by men of all ages in marriages of all lengths. I’ve had husbands in good marriages and husbands in bad marriages ask me that very same question. So, I wrote a short eBook (15 pages or so) that outline the 5 principles that every husband should know. Want to be a better husband and create the kind of marriage that both you AND your wife want? Click the button below to get my FREE guide.
Is Your Marriage Not Where You’d Like it to Be?
Life happens. Things get in the way. Work is demanding and bills are always in need of paying. It’s easy to neglect your marriage because she knows you love her, right? Right? Lack of intention is the single biggest contributor to an unhappy marriage. If you want to be a good husband you must be intentional with your love. Put in the effort required and reap the benefits of a happy marriage:
Mindfulness is key to longevity in a marriage. Men who are looking to become better husbands must understand that in order to do so that they must create the kind of marital environment that puts the relationship above all else. Even before being right!
Husbands, know this to be true: If your marriage is failing, it’s totally within your power to fix your part of the reason why. And in doing so, your wife will be inclined to fix her part. It all starts with you and your desire to have a lasting marriage and to become a better husband.
Emotional Calls, Your Marriage, and Why Ignoring Them Could Be Detrimental to Your Relationship
[Video] How To Fight With Your Wife So That You Win Every Time
Want to Be A Better Husband? Start in 3 Steps!
Don’t Be Another Divorce Statistic
Divorces in the United States have been on a decline, which shows that there is an increase in secure relationships, and that’s always a good thing. However, while divorces are decreasing, so are marriages. What does that mean? It means that the younger generations (millennials and older gen z) are spending more time cohabitating before getting married, many of which never do.
What that really means is that while divorces are on a decline, breakups are not. Many times, lengthy cohabitation involves children and while there doesn’t appear to be much research on the topic of cohabitating parents, single parents make up over 40% of all households in the US with over 75% of children who are born to unwed couples no longer live with both of their biological parents by fifteen.
Good Husbands Understand They Can Make a Difference
Relationships are hard. Many times couples feel that it’s easier to give up than it is to reconcile their differences and make it work. Think back to the beginning and how your wife made you feel BEFORE you proposed. Would you like to feel that way again? What if I told you that it’s totally within your power to make it so? Well, consider yourself told. Get the FREE eBook HERE.
Divorce doesn’t have to be the end of your story. There are things that can be done. You may have to look inward and make a few changes, but what is that compared to a lifetime of happiness with the woman you love?
What Married Couples Want
% of married adults who say __ is ‘very important’ to a successful marriage*
If you’re here, odds are you’re a married man looking for ways to become a better husband. First and foremost, get the D-word out of your vocabulary. Focus on the things you can change and keep in mind that you can’t change your wife, but you can influence her to want to follow your lead.
You do that by focusing on some of the things that interest her and getting involved. Show your wife that you care enough to do what she likes. 64% of married adults say that having shared interests is very important to a successful marriage. What are some things that your wife does that you can have a genuine interest in?
Along those same lines, 56% of married adults say that sharing household chores is important to a successful marriage. As a husband, are you sharing in the chores that need to be done around the house? Just like with shared interests, this is an easy way to create a healthy marriage.
At the end of the day, a happy, healthy marriage is all about your level of intentionality. Make your marriage a priority and stop letting life get in the way; there is nothing worse than making your wife feel lonely when you’re both in the same room.
So, if you’re goal is to be a better husband, just make it a priority. Sound simple? It is. Show your wife that your marriage is important, and she will meet you halfway.
By T. Lavon Lawrence
[Video] How To Fight With Your Wife So That You Win Every Time
5 Pro Tips for the Committed Husband
Depression and 5 Tips on How To Help Your Wife Overcome It [VIDEO]
Emotional Calls, Your Marriage, and Why Ignoring Them Could Be Detrimental to Your Relationship
Four Ways to Ignite Your Wife’s Love, Trust & Desire
Here’s How Committed Husbands Can Go From Chump To Champion – Marital Competence in Four Logical Steps
There is nothing easy about being a good husband, because if it were, we wouldn’t have a divorce rate in excess of 40%. If men knew what it takes to make a wife happy, women wouldn’t be the ones filing two thirds of the divorces, and the average duration of marriages in the United States would be much longer than eleven years.
Since you’re taking the time to read this, it must mean that you’re the kind of husband who wants to beat those odds. Here is an approach that will insure that with each passing day you become a better husband, and put yourself on the winning side of the marriage stats.
Growing into an amazing husband is a much bigger deal than learning to ride a bicycle, although they do have something in common. You see, learning to ride a bicycle and becoming a master level husband both involve summoning the courage to take risks in order to experience a life-changing rite of passage.
Moving from rank beginner to worry-free operator involves learning how to do it and applying persistent practice with varying degrees of improvement over time. Your goal might start out with difficulty, but with patience and persistence, the long-term effort can become as pleasantly easy as riding a bike.
The key to becoming so becoming excellent at any worthwhile pursuit is mastery. That is, to move steadily through a progression of improving skill levels until your ability is so effective and well-conditioned that it seems to comes naturally.
The steps that move you from beginner to master was well summarized in 1970’s management training around the United States by means of ‘The Four Stages of Competence,’ illustrated in the form of a pyramid, divided into four levels. For our purposes here, we apply the four stages of mastery to the ‘better husband’ discipline as follows;
Let’s break down the stages and apply them to the process of going from merely ‘guessing’ as to what characteristics make a man into a premium marriage partner to becoming the living embodiment of a good husband.
Level One Beginner – Unconsciously Incompetent – The husband does not know how to go about his roles well, and might be ignorant to the fact that he is incompetent. He may even dismiss the need to improve a mental, emotional, physical, financial (or other) shortcoming just to save face.
To avoid becoming another divorce statistic, he will have to perceive his flaws and understand how fixing them will bring the desired outcome. The pace at which a husband rises above this stage to the next level depends on how motivated he is combined with the amount of effort he is willing to focus on reaching his goals.
Example Scenario – A loving husband, not understanding the impact to his bride, keeps old photos of his ex-girlfriends, maintains talkative connections to old female associates on social media, and keeps porn bookmarks on his browser, letting his wife know by his missteps that he divides his attention, taking what should be hers and giving it to other women.
Level Two Amateur – Consciously Incompetent – The husband has decided to repair his mental, emotional, physical, financial or problem area and begun the effort. As with any new endeavor worth pursuing, mistakes are to be expected as the learning and growth process takes shape.
Example Scenario – After a well-earned verbal education by his disappointed wife, the husband asks a few people he trusts about the issue, and learns about a wife’s healthy desire for 100% exclusivity to match a 100% marriage commitment. Armed with fresh information and intent to fulfil his vows to have eyes only for her, he begins to remove any opposite sex distractions from his life. He reminds himself daily of his pledge and works honestly to make 100% focus into a habit she’ll notice.
Level Three Competent – Consciously Competent – The individual understands or knows how to do something. However, demonstrating the skill or knowledge requires concentration. It may be broken down into steps, and there is heavy conscious involvement in executing the new skill.
At this stage, the husband has had time to practice and apply advice, tactics, and skills picked up from asking trusted sources, online research, books, workshops and the like. Whereas he has made progress, the changes may not yet be hard-wired. Continued progress to move past this to the next stage occurs with patience and persistence.
Example Scenario – For a few years, things are going well as the husband has forged a good habit of making his wife feel exclusive, cherished, and a full partner. Sometimes, though, he gets frustrated, and has to remind himself sometimes as to why he wants to beat the odds and enjoy a life long, happy marriage. There may be the occasional argument, but this husband has gained a nice amount of control over his reactions by keeping his mind focused on the relationship, and not necessarily winning every match.
Level Four Master – Unconsciously Competent – The individual has had so much practice with a skill that it has become “second nature” and can be performed easily. As a result, the skill can be performed while executing another task. The individual may be able to teach it to others, depending upon how and when it was learned.
Example Scenario – Eventually, the husband has built a set of daily habits that virtually guarantee that he can make his wife happy. He has taken the time to thoroughly chart her deep needs and worthwhile desires and adjusted his lifestyle to put as much happiness and satisfaction into their as he can. At this point, his knowledge, experience, and rewards make him a highly-prized, rare gem of a husband who stands out like a star in the night.
By adopting an attitude of mastery – of learning and overcoming your own ignorance, assumptions, and natural male laziness in relationships, you can beat the scary odds stacked against a successful marriage. If you are willing to work so that you can enjoy a happy marriage, happy wife and happy life, don’t do like the majority of husbands do – or fail to do. Consider you role as husband one of learning, discipline, and continuous growth toward well-rounded success. Aim for mastery!
The coronavirus has not only been wreaking havoc with your health and the economy, but it’s really done a number on relationships, too. The social distancing that was put in place for the entire country has done two things.
It has either isolated you from your partner, thus creating further distance and anxiety; or the attachment has caused constant stress, forcing you to re-evaluate what you need from your partner.
Gentleman, if your relationship has taken a hit and you’re not clear what you need to do, here are 4 things you get you back on track understanding what your spouse needs.
Here are 4 important tips on how men can become better husbands to their spouses.
1. Practice open communication.
Open communication needs to occur regularly and frequently if you want to get back on track.
If you haven’t been communicating openly during this crisis, it may give your spouse the signal that the relationship is coming to an end.
And if you want to start to regain a healthy relationship, open communication is the first order of business. Open communication will help you strengthen the respect you have for one another. It will also help you be more transparent with your partner.
Open communication will also help you avoid miscommunication, because fewer things will go unsaid, helping your spouse feel more secure. It will also make you feel better, since you can get things off your chest and communicate with less stress.
2. Honesty is still the best policy.
During this time, being honest with your partner gives them a great deal of comfort.
This will bring back the positive energy that will make your relationship thrive while reducing those future ups and downs.
3. Start taking responsibility for your part in the relationship.
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Doing this can be a major game-changer for your relationship — especially if you weren’t comfortable doing this in the past.
By taking ownership of your actions, you’re showing that you can be vulnerable, which in turn can help her do the same.
The best way to start taking ownerships is done in 3 Steps:
- Be self-aware
- Understand that what you do affects your spouse
You also have to stop taking the blame for things you didn’t do. It’s counterproductive to the two topics we discussed earlier, open communication and honesty.
4. Work on rebuilding trust.
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When I applied for a marriage license a year after I graduated from college, all I had to do was pay a fee.
There was no training, no video and no job description.
In spite of the fact that I lacked many of the fundamental skills to make a marriage work, the license was granted.
I know there are many men today who try to figure out exactly what God expects of them as husbands.
So I came up with a list of the things I believe are central to being a godly husband.
1. Love God More Than You Love Your Wife
After three years of dating Mary Ann, we began talking about marriage. A little while later, we broke up. I was devastated.
While praying one night, things became crystal clear: Mary Ann had become an idol in my life. I cared more about what made her happy than what made God happy.
God’s purpose for marriage is to make us more like Christ.
It was as if God was saying, “You will have no other gods before me, and if you put something or someone else in My place, I will remove it.”
In 25 years of marriage, I still run into the same problem. I keep myself in check with this question: Whom do I fear more — my wife or God?
The level of pain may be more immediate or more pronounced when I don’t please my wife because when I don’t please God, He doesn’t go into the other room and go silent on me.
But God reminds me, “You do the right thing even if for the moment it doesn’t make her happy.”
2. Be a Spiritual Leader
Both you and your wife may have come into your marriage with some idealized image (or expectations) of what your spiritual walk together would look like. Maybe it was sitting around a table eating breakfast and doing devotions.
She imagined you leaving for work and saying, “I’ll be back this evening, and we can have devotions again.”
About a month into the marriage, your wife was probably thinking, “What happened? Reading the Scriptures and praying together is so important.” If I could rewind my marriage and start this practice earlier, I would do it in a second.
No matter how long you’ve been married, now is the time to develop a pattern that can work in your marriage. Remember, it’s a husband who ought to initiate this.
“A man may not be a vocational theologian,” says Doug Wilson, author of “Reforming Marriage.”
“But in his home, he needs to be the resident theologian.”
3. Lead With Humility
A big reason there is such a debate about whether men ought to be leaders in a marriage relationship is because too many men have not led with humility.
Men may be called by God to lead their wives, but our leadership should be selfless.
Philippians 2:3 says, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.” (New International Version).
Put this verse into practice, and it will solve 95 percent of the issues you face.
I have never met a woman who says, “I resist my husband’s leadership even though he is very humble and Christlike.”
The women I’ve met are craving godly leadership in their marriages.
4. Have Godly Courage
First Corinthians 16:13 gives a clear definition of biblical masculinity: “Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong” (NIV). Before we can be godly husbands, we must be courageous.
Wrapped up in that definition of what it means to be a man is the idea of courage.
And the essence of courage is to have such a great fear of God that you fear nothing else.
5. Be a Provider
1 Timothy 5:8 says if a man fails to provide for his household, he is worse than a pagan. That’s not the kind of reputation I want to have in the community.
Part of the root meaning of the word provider means “to look ahead.”
A provider is one who anticipates and does the strategic planning for the household. He thinks about the goals — not just the financial goals, but the spiritual goals and emotional goals.
In a sense, he is the chief executive officer of the corporation. It’s his responsibility to set the direction.
And many times, his wife is the chief operating officer. The two of them need to unify their direction for the good of the family.
6. Love Her Biblically and Extravagantly
To love her biblically, we need to ask, “What is God’s love for us like?”
The essence of His love for us is reflected in His commitment to us and His sacrifice for us. That’s what our love for our wives needs to look like too.
For me, it often means placing my wife’s needs ahead of my own. And it means that I will still sacrifice for her even when we disagree. She must be my priority.
Remember the little line in the marriage vow, “Forsaking all others, until death do us part”?
That means your relationship with your wife is more important than any other relationship — friends, your boss or even your children.
Put simply, after our love for God, we must love our wives more than anything on earth. That is the essence of the marriage relationship.
D.L. Moody summed it up best: “If I wanted to find out whether a man was a Christian, I wouldn’t go to his minister. I would go and ask his wife.
“If a man doesn’t treat his wife right, I don’t want to hear him talk about Christianity. What is the use of talking about salvation for the next life if he has no salvation for this?”
This past May, Mary Ann and I celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary in Maui, Hawaii. The surroundings were incredible, but really, we were just happy to be together.
Over dinner that night, we could both say that, in spite of any challenges that have come our way, we wouldn’t change the outcome of our shared 25 years.
That’s because God has used our relationship with each other more than anything else to make us more like Christ. And, ultimately, that is His purpose for marriage.
New Men’s Therapy Group Forming
Do you struggle to identify and communicate your emotional needs?
Have you gotten feedback that you’re closed off, emotionally distant, or that you have a fear of intimacy?
Is it a challenge for you to be emotionally vulnerable and open with your spouse/partner?
Do you become overwhelmed or increasingly impatient with what your spouse/partner asks of you?
Over the years, the men I work with in individual and couples counseling have asked about additional resources to help them with the demands of committed intimate relationships. I’ve designed a group for men who want to take the next step in self-growth; men who are motivated to become better communicators and more emotionally present and available as husbands and partners.
How to be a better husband/partner men’s group
Increasingly men are being called on by their spouses and partners to give more of themselves in their relationships: to be more communicative, to be a better listener, to show greater empathy, to be present and responsive.
The men I see in my therapy practice want to make their wives/partners happy, but many find themselves floundering, despite efforts to step up their game and make things right.
But as you may painfully know, if you don’t have the right tools, increased effort can only take you so far.
Rather than blaming someone else for our relational struggles, it’s important for men to acknowledge that some of us are ill-equipped in the world of emotions and intimacy. When you consider how boys are often shamed if they show vulnerable emotions, it’s easier to see why this might be the case.
These relationship challenges require certain skills we haven’t learned — despite our love and desire to give our wives/partners what they need, we may keep missing the mark.
And when we keep missing the mark, from our mate’s perspective, we repeatedly fail to live up to our promises. They have a point.
Why do some men struggle to form deep, intimate connections?
1) Some men have had tough childhoods, difficult relationship experiences (with parents, siblings, peers) that caused a protective psychological wall to go up — a wall that makes emotional intimacy and openness difficult. Instead of bricks and mortar, this wall is built from the childhood wounds of shame and fear.
Early painful experiences can negatively shape how men relate and connect as adults.
In the group we will examine how early childhood events shaped our capacity to form intimate connections as adults.
2) Even for those who’ve had decent or good childhoods, many men have been socialized to turn away from their psychological needs. We’ve internalized powerful messages about what a “real man” should think, feel and do (and not think, feel and do).
Our internalized masculine code is deeply rooted in our psyches and branches out into every aspect of our being. Our capacity for communicating our emotional needs and connecting deeply to our partner is profoundly shaped by our socialization as men.
And when these deep-seated parts of our identity are rigidly clung to (often without our awareness that this is occurring), we may inadvertently close off the parts of ourselves that our wives/partners desperately want access to.
In the group we will examine how our masculine identities/sensibilities are important strengths that we can build upon, and how they may cause blind-spots and negatively impact how we relate to our wives and partners.
Led by Dr. Nicastro, the central theme guiding the small group (limited to seven participants) will be how and why men may turn away from and shut down certain experiences and, in doing so, inadvertently close parts of themselves off to their spouse/partner.
How to be a better husband: Group objectives
Expand mindfulness to help you attune to your underlying psychological and emotional needs, and practice ways to effectively communicate those needs;
Examine your emotional triggers — those self-experiences that are difficult to tolerate and that cause you to move into anger, passive-aggressiveness, or withdrawal mode;
Explore each member’s internal barriers to being an emotionally present and available spouse/partner;
Share your struggles and successes as husband/partner and be attentive and present while other group members share their struggles and successes;
Develop practical strategies, mindfulness, and insight-oriented approaches to help you more effectively navigate the challenges inherent to your marriage or intimate relationship;
Examine the relational patterns that unfold between group members throughout the group process, which will offer opportunities for in-depth self-examination in a safe, supportive, encouraging setting.
Is this group right for you?
Prior to joining the group, a 45-minute individual meeting with Dr. Nicastro will be required to help determine whether the group is right for you. (There is no cost for this initial meeting.)
You do not have to be in counseling to join the group, and if you are currently in individual or marriage/couples counseling, the group can serve as an additional resource to reaching your goals.
Day/time : Monday evenings from 6:30pm-8:00pm (90 minutes)
Start date : Starting soon, specific date to be announced
In this article, we are telling you about How to Be a Better Husband. So you got married and have taken those vows and made promises to your wife. All those promises you made to your better half really mean something now. So, you have got married, and a good future now awaits you. It is time to start a new life with your wife.
Each marriage is different. However, there are some regular issues that many wedded couples face, and part of being a good husband is having the option to explore and manage these issues. When all is said in done, being a good husband includes treating your wife together with adoration.
Being the ideal husband might be difficult, however, it’s unquestionably not feasible. Indeed, we as a whole remain imperfect, yet there’s no mischief in attempting to be close to consummate. All you need is a reasonable still, small voice, and obviously, love for your wife.
For more information read this article to learn ways how to be a good husband you can be.
What Will I Learn?
7 Ways to Be a Good Husband:
Here are the 7 ways to be a good husband are given below:
Support your Wife:
On the off chance that your wife has an objective, she needs to progress in the direction of, do everything that you can to help her. Try not to giggle at her fantasies since that will just break her soul. You are the one individual on the planet who she should feel she can get support from, regardless of whether the remainder of the world thinks she is senseless. In this way, defend her. Make her believe that she can do anything she needs to do. She will love you more.
Take Care of Your Wife:
In the event that your wife falls sick or needs you to take care of something, ensure you do it with your earnest attempts. Taking care of one another through infection and wellbeing is a piece of your marriage promises and not something to be trifled with. A decent wife would successfully take care of her husband in her manner, and similarly, a decent husband puts forth a valiant effort to take care of his wife other’s needs. A husband can take care of his wife in the following ways.
- By showing her affection.
- Do not forget special occasions
Romance is one of the most important elements of happiness in relationships. Many married couple do not really know how significant energy in a relationship or the advantages of romance is. Romance with your wife in the following ways:
be romantic with your wife
- Learn her love language and then use it daily basis.
- Make her feel special
- Tell her she is beautiful.
- Give a big hug when you return from work.
- Surprise them with small romantic gestures.
Respect in a marriage is significant on the grounds that it is an indication of trust, support, and the information that both of you love and welcome the other for what their identity is.
Each fruitful marriage depends on the establishment of common regard for each other. A relationship where regard is missing will in the long run lead to clashes between a couple. The closeness between a husband and wife will likewise cease to exist in the event that they don’t regard one another.
Here are the ways that show your wife that you respect her.
- Physical touch matters.
- Do not complain about her.
- Give her space and time.
- Treat her according to her potential.
- Do not shout at her.
- Be honest with her.
A husband protects his wife by providing a safe environment. To show your wife that you simply love her, be there for her. Be protective but never abuse her. Some men ignore if somebody else insults their wife, but we all know you’re not an equivalent. You’re keen on your wife and it’s time you show her that.
If someone insults your wife, protect her. You would like to point out that you simply support your wife and don’t tolerate others disrespecting her. Never tolerate if somebody insults or says mean jokes at your better half. Let people know that you simply are always at your wife’s side, come what may.
Be Best Friend with your Wife:
After your marriage, you are the friend that your wife has. So, confirm you become one actually. Whenever she faces difficulties in life, you would like to form your best efforts to solve problems alongside her. If you’re facing one, you ought to always consult her first. it’ll only make the bond stronger.
Show Love to wife:
Husbands are not the most sensitive and keeping in mind that it tends to be trying for some to open up and show their affection, it is a beneficial undertaking.
Most ladies love the sentiment and like it when their husbands shower their affection on them, so make sure to be sentimental with your wife now and again.
Show your adoration to wife by giving her kisses throughout the day or embracing her and disclosing to her that you love her. These little demonstrations will light up her day.
Characteristics of a Good Husband:
Here are the characteristics and qualities of a good husband are given bellow:
characteristics of a good husband
- He puts effort into your relationship.
- He’s emotionally mature.
- A good husband accepts your bad qualities.
- He is there when you need him.
- A good husband considers you when making a decision.
- Good husband always loyal to you.
- A good husband has a good sense of humor.
- He spends quality time with you.
- A good husband always trusts you.
- A good husband is supportive. Always support will you in every field of life.
- A good husband accepts responsibility for his mistakes.
- A good husband always understands you.
- Good husband always loves kids.
- Compromise for you.
- A good husband is willing to teach you what he knows.
- A good husband always laughs when he is around you.
- He worries about you.
- A good husband is always faithful.
- A good husband communicates well.
In this article, we told you about How to Be a Better Husband. So, we conclude that to make a good husband, take care of your wife. Always support your wife in every field of life. Show respect to her.
We hope these best ways help you have a better understanding of How to Be a Good Husband. Kindly do not feel hesitate to ask any questions you may have or to leave a comment on the blog post.
About Izza Bakhtawar
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