How to be a gentleman

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How to be a gentleman

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Guys, admit it or not, we ladies love gentlemen. We love all the nice gestures and words you sprinkle upon us as much as we love Mom’s homemade apple pie. Those hand-picked roses from your neighbor’s garden may also do the trick, but does it really?

Without going overboard, you can still be a gentleman and win our hearts. Yes, even the coldest of hearts can melt with simple deeds (notice how I emphasized deeds?) and words (because, yes, words do count, too!).

1. Do as you say.

Oftentimes, relationships break apart due to shattered promises. Gentlemen rarely or even never break their promises (except for really valid reasons). And when I say valid, it’s mainly because of unexpected (as in unexpected and totally emergent) reasons. Life-and-death occurrences count, as compared with laziness or just “not in the mood” excuses.

If you are not in the mood to do something, tell that to your partner and maybe (just maybe) she’ll understand. Yes, we know that you’re also human and have ups and downs with your moods. You just want to stay at home or have an all-boys day out just as we girls do. So please feel free to tell us the REAL reason why you’re not up for a lunch out with us and we’ll do our best to understand you. It’s just a matter of communication.

2. Say things nicely.

I know it can sound pretty hard for those who aren’t really ‘sweet-talkers.’ But hey, your words can make or break your relationships, dude. There may be times when you can hold off that nasty word, or better yet, don’t say it at all when you know that you’ll offend your significant other.

Of course, you might say that it differs based on personality, but then, will it really be a death sentence for you if you won’t utter those hurtful words? So what if you feel like she’s not as beautiful as the first time you met her? So what if her hair isn’t as flat-out or curled as you want it to be? Would it be better to tell her outright that she’s not beautiful anymore? Think about it, for you just might save your dying relationship.

3. Hold the door for her.

Old-school actions still work; trust me. No matter how much she insists on opening it herself, be alert enough to notice that she also needs you to be there for her (even for the littlest things). And yes, we really appreciate the initiative. Even when it comes to doors.

4. Bring her home after a date.

It may be awkward, most especially if you still don’t have ‘wheels’ to drive her to her house after your date (not to mention an additional expense for you), but what better way to be a gentleman than letting her folks/siblings/guardian (especially if she still lives with them) that you took great care of their princess? Yup, this is a true-blue way to be a gentleman without going overboard!

5. Have initiative over the little things.

Being gentlemanly is not just about words. Your planning over the little things (specifically for your future dates) counts a lot. Instead of letting her do all the decision-making, why not take the first step to creating a list of places (Note: These need not be expensive spots) to go to. Once you’re done with your list, show it to her and let the two of you plan your itinerary. Aside from showing that you have the intention to take her to a simple yet memorable hangout, you’ll definitely show that you’re really serious about your intentions with her.

6. Seek permission from her parents/siblings/guardian when going out.

Okay, this may apply to those not yet married (also based on various cultural preferences), but I’d like to emphasize on the power of seeking parents’ approval. Some might disagree with this practice, but it still definitely counts as a gentleman’s way of showing respect to them.

Call it corny, but even millennials still need to regard their parents’ opinions over vital matters (especially that of the heart). By doing so, you, the gentleman, are also proving how serious you are about her.

And for the ladies, yes, it’s also a nice practice to (most of the time) let your parents know about your whereabouts. This is not to deprive you of your privacy whatsoever, but most especially if you still live with your parents, you’d be really in good hands knowing that your parents have trust in you and your guy. That’s the best feeling ever.

7. Be polite (even to strangers).

A gentleman doesn’t easily get annoyed over the simplest of things. Encountered a waiter who spilled orange juice over your newly ironed suit? Would you yell at him right then and there? Uh-oh. Spells D-I-S-A-S-T-E-R already.

Yes, we ladies also love a calm demeanor, most especially over the little things. Notice how I always emphasize the simple things? It’s because they matter the most. If you can’t be polite to the people around you, how much more respectful will you be with us in the long run?

8. Be especially polite to your mom.

Politeness in the streets is already a huge plus. What more could we ask for when it comes to your mom and your family as a whole? If you are already courteous, polite, and nice to your parents, you’d have an easier time showing your gentleman-ness to your lady love.

Rudeness is not in the vocabulary of a gentleman. Though there may be times when you feel off (mainly due to some unresolved issues in your career, family, etc.), it won’t hurt to smile or say things in a nice way. Your politeness can definitely take you a long way!

9. Compromise.

Can’t agree over where to go? Don’t want to really go where your lady wants to be? Not a problem, for a gentleman learns to compromise. Even if it may be a “no” for you to go to the KTV, but your girl wants to spend some time belting her lungs out, you might want to accompany her there, too. After all, you love her, right? Even if you don’t want to sing (or if you think you might break the mirrors there), it won’t really hurt going with her. And yes, that’s a gentleman’s way of saying that he’s not just being the love of her life for convenience, he’s saying that he’s in for the long haul.

10. Carry her heavy baggage (literally).

A gentleman is sensitive enough to know when his lady is having difficulties carrying her things. May it be her shopping bag, some trash bags, cans of milk, and others, if you are a real gentleman, you would offer a hand. Although we have high regard for gender equality now, it won’t hurt if you extend some help to your girl.

11. Offer her a seat.

An old-fashioned act itself, offering your girl a seat (whether at a restaurant, bus, queue, etc.) is a time-tested way to express your concern for her. Not only would you be rekindling the good old days when you were still truly, madly courting her, but it would also make her feel so special that she’ll have a hard time sleeping, reminiscing your gentle nature.

Which manners maketh the (modern) gentleman? Rupert Uloth has the definitive list, plus take our quiz and find out whether you make the cut.

The 6 November 2019 issue of Country Life comes with our annual Gentleman’s Life supplement. Among the many features this year we talk to bona fide music legend Sting about being a gentleman, pick out the cars that every aspiring gentleman would love to own and round up the finest gadgets, accessories and clothing that help maketh the man.

Back in 2015 Country Life made waves by revealing the 39 steps to being a modern gentlemen — take our test to see if you make the grade, then take a look at the full list below.

A gentleman…

1 Negotiates airports with ease

2 Never lets a door slam in someone’s face

3 Can train a dog and a rose

4 Is aware that facial hair is temporary, but a tattoo is permanent

5 Knows when not to say anything

6 Wears his learning lightly

7 Possesses at least one well-made dark suit, one tweed suit and a dinner jacket

8 Avoids lilac socks and polishes his shoes

9 Turns his mobile to silent at dinner

10 Carries house guests’ luggage to their rooms

11 Tips staff in a private house and a gamekeeper in the shooting field

12 Says his name when being introduced

13 Breaks a relationship face to face

14 Is unafraid to speak the truth

15 Knows when to clap

16 Arrives at a meeting five minutes before the agreed time

17 Is good with waiters

18 Has two tricks to entertain children

19 Can undo a bra with one hand

20 Sings lustily in church

21 Is not vegetarian

22 Can sail a boat and ride a horse

23 Knows the difference between Glenfiddich and Glenda Jackson

24 Never kisses and tells

25 Cooks an omelette to die for

26 Can prepare a one match bonfire

27 Seeks out his hostess at a party

28 Knows when to use an emoji

29 Would never own a Chihuahua

30 Has read Pride and Prejudice

31 Can tie his own bow tie

32 Would not go to Puerto Rico

33 Knows the difference between a rook and a crow

34 Sandals? No. Never

35 Wears a rose, not a carnation

36 Swats flies and rescues spiders

37 Demonstrates that making love is neither a race nor a competition

38 Never blow dries his hair

39 Knows that there is always an exception to a rule

Agree? Disagree? Let us know on Twitter

Make civility stylish again.

Clem Onojeghuo, Unsplash

We live in uncivil times. From our relationships to politics and business, it seems as though the longstanding expectation of decorum has given way to our more impetuous, brutish, and petty inclinations.

I suppose it only makes sense. As a society, we accepted and celebrated this behavior in our chosen forms of entertainment. It was just a matter of time until that acceptance bled into our daily lives.

The political implications of this boorishness are plain to see, and I don’t feel the need to explore them any further. Instead, I’d like to focus on business and the breakdown of civility that I’ve witnessed over the past few years.

The problem is difficult to articulate, but I’ll do my best. Professionals seem to be increasingly on edge. It’s as though our society has passed the point of no return and the underlying trust upon which it was built has evaporated.

I’ve witnessed this firsthand, with clients, vendors, and external partners always poised to see the worst in a situation, distrustful and disingenuous with nearly everyone they encounter. Tempers are shorter, expectations are higher, and compassion is in increasingly short supply.

Put another way; it seems to me that we’ve dropped even the pretense of collaboration, long-term thinking, and partnership. Instead, we’ve given into our base desires, seeking only what benefits us in the shortest of terms.

The real tragedy, however, is not the actions of the aggressors themselves; instead, it’s the fact that ordinarily decent professionals feel that they must respond in kind to survive. The result is a downward spiral of bad behavior, weakened trust, and short-sighted thinking.

This is the crux of the matter. You cannot control the response or behavior of those around you, but you can control how you choose to react. Fighting aggression with aggression is an exercise in futility. Instead, you must learn to rise above the fray and carve out a new path.

In short, we need more gentlemen in business.

Of course, I use the term gentleman here in a broad, non-gender-specific sense of the term. When I say gentleman, I’m referring not to a man specifically but rather an individual who holds themselves to a higher standard and refuses to perpetuate the increasingly-accepted norms of poor taste.

Perhaps the best definition of a modern gentleman comes from Haruki Murakami’s novel “Norwegian Wood.”

“A gentleman is someone who does not what he wants to do, but what he should do.”

If there’s a better term out there, I’m not sure what it is. Therefore, I’m going to continue referring to this persona as that of a gentleman and use the masculine pronoun for the sake of convenience and concise writing. Please realize that these sentiments apply equally to men and women.

Semantics aside, it’s time that we as business professionals begin acting in accordance with a higher standard rather than our base desires.

I don’t have all the answers. I do, however, have seven principles of gentlemanly conduct that I strive to put into practice. I share them here in the hope is that by doing so we can begin to elevate the level of discourse in business and bring civility back into style.

#1 A gentleman is civil in uncivil times.

Whenever money, pride, or ego are at stake, tensions are sure to flare. People will react with vitriol, personal attacks, and other forms of aggression. Gentlemen do not respond in kind. Instead, they fall back on a higher set of principles and remain civil, even when attacked.

This civility is not a sign of weakness; instead, it is a sign of strength. We must all do our part to raise the bar concerning our conduct.

#2 A gentleman is empathetic but unafraid to stand his ground.

Gentlemen are empathetic, willing to engage with those around them. They work to understand where others are coming from, even when their perspective is at odds with their own. They engage, but do not attack.

Of course, there are certain moral absolutes that we should insist upon as professionals. All too often in business we stick to a set of principles so long as it is both beneficial and convenient for our goals. While a gentleman is empathetic, he is also unafraid to stand his ground when it comes to matters of moral and ethical absolutes.

#3 A gentleman is honest, even when it’s uncomfortable.

Honesty is often uncomfortable. Whether we lie to avoid offending others or to save our skin, the fact of the matter is that we do so to avoid the discomfort of truth. A gentleman, however, is willing to endure this discomfort. This level of honesty, while not always appreciated, is a powerful sign of respect.

#4 A gentleman is quietly confident, never arrogant.

In this hyper-competitive, hyper-connected day and age, we often feel the need to advertise our greatness to anyone who will listen. This results in a pervasive arrogance that instantly puts people on a defensive footing.

A modern gentleman lets his results speak for themselves, and engages everyone with a humility that instills confidence in others, rather than skepticism.

#5 A gentleman reads extensively and takes care to expand his point of view.

A gentleman is unafraid of opposing viewpoints. In fact, he seeks them out to challenge his own beliefs. This is best accomplished through reading, though there are other ways out there.

A gentleman avoids the intellectual laziness of embracing only confirming evidence. They read, engage, and challenge beliefs to be the best they can be.

Most importantly, they’re unafraid to admit that they were wrong or change direction on a topic. He’s progressive in the most literal sense of the word, continually growing in both knowledge and innate understanding of the world in which he lives.

#6 A gentleman demonstrates grace under fire.

A modern gentleman does not crumble in the face of adversity. He is honest and forthright when it comes to the fears, stresses, and anxieties of business that plague him. In doing so, he finds the strength to embrace challenges wholeheartedly, and draw on friends, colleagues, and experience for support.

In accepting the reality of the challenges he faces, he is able to keep his cool, demonstrate grace under fire, and serve as a pillar of strength for those around him.

#7 A gentleman is the same person in public and private.

This is the most critical point in this list. Above all else, a gentleman conducts himself the same way in private as he does in public. There is no duplicity, double-dealing, or deception. A true gentleman has the courage to have one set of values, no matter the audience.

This does not mean that they never make mistakes. Everyone fails to live up to their own standards from time to time. However, gentlemen own up to these failures and learn from them.

Striving for a higher standard

These seven principles apply as much to business as they do to private life. As Murakami said, a gentleman is “someone who does not what he wants to do, but what he should do.”

I believe that by embracing these principles, we can change the way business is conducted, elevating the conversation and returning to a more civil time. As with most things in life, it beings with how we choose to conduct ourselves.

How to be a gentleman

News flash: It’s not old fashioned for men to have good manners. In fact, it’s more important now than ever for a man to pay attention to the basics of proper etiquette with all the competition for good jobs and invitations to the best parties.

Some people seem to think that being strong means exhibiting rude behavior and bulldozing others. It doesn’t.

Reality-TV

Contrary to the behavior of many people on today’s reality television shows, proper etiquette is not out of style. The act of following the basic rules of good manners shows respect for other people and sends the message that you want the same respect in return.

Practice Your Manners

You don’t have to exaggerate proper etiquette. It should come naturally. That means that you should read the rules and practice until you can follow them without even having to think about it. It’s like riding a bike. The more you do it the better you get. Really.

Old School Manners

Remember that proper etiquette applies to all people, including men, women, and children. However, there are certain things that started long before you were born that may not make sense to you. Even some of the rules that may not apply now can still be followed. You’ll certainly impress the older generation when you exhibit old-fashioned manners, and a nod from Grandma might be just the thing to turn that special girl’s head.

Manners at First Glance

Like the old saying, “You only have one chance to make a first impression,” goes, make sure it counts in your favor. People tend to hang on to their original image of who you are for a very long time.

Even if you manage to sway them later, you can pretty much count on their remembering you as you were at the first meeting. These guidelines are good to follow in the beginning, whether you are at a party or interviewing for a new job.

Here are tips for men on meeting people for the first time:

  • Meeting new people: Meeting new people can be nerve-wracking but if you offer a warm smile, are polite, and maintain personal boundaries you’re sure to be a hit with any crowd in any situation.
  • Starting a conversation: You don’t have to be tongue-tied when you meet someone new. Remember you’re not the only one who is nervous and you don’t have to be super witty or charming to strike up a conversation. All you need to do is be friendly, offer a warm smile and handshake, and introduce yourself. You can start the conversation off with a quip about the weather or ask the other person about something you think interests them. For example, if they’re eating or drinking something, ask them what they like about it? What are their other favorite foods or drinks? etc. Who knows where the conversation will lead.
  • Handshake etiquette: Learning how to shake hands will be valuable throughout life.
  • Job interview etiquette: Set yourself apart from the candidate pool in a good way by showing that you know how to act. All you’ve got to do is dress appropriately, introduce yourself with a firm handshake, and answer all the questions honestly. Keep eye contact with your interviewer and don’t look at your phone or other distractions, or talk about things irrelevant to the position.

Everyday Good Manners

Not only do you need to practice proper etiquette when you first meet someone, but you also need to maintain it all the time. It’s not as difficult as it may sound. All you have to do is practice so good manners will become a habit.

It’s all about showing consideration for others. Some specific examples include putting down the toilet seat when you finish your business, say “please” and “thank you,” and respect people’s personal space.

Extra tips for daily manners:

  • Grooming: Brush your teeth, take a shower, comb your hair, and trim your nails for a good start on good grooming.
  • Handling awkward situations: Don’t make a bad situation worse just because you don’t know how to handle it. Depending on the situation your best bet is to be polite, don’t make excuses, and apologize if you’ve done something wrong. If you’re the one who is uncomfortable try your best to change the subject, or firmly and politely explain that you are uncomfortable and you’d like for the behavior to stop.
  • Gentlemanly language: In other words, refrain from using four-letter words around your boss, your clients, and the parents of a girl you want to impress.
  • Work etiquette: Acknowledge and respect others around you at work. Don’t make too much noise, avoid showing your bad habits, and don’t stink up the place.
  • Answering rude questions: Even if you know proper etiquette, you can count on someone else to be rude occasionally. Be prepared with good (polite) answers and then change the subject.
  • Show manners at home: If you want harmony in the home, make sure you carry your share of the load. Pick up after yourself, take a turn at kitchen duty, and participate in child rearing.

Manners While out and About

Going out is much more fun when everyone behaves. You might get a few laughs for acting like a clown, but people probably won’t take you seriously when you want them to. Knowing the social graces will give you an edge and attract more people than if you come across as a boor. Once again, the act of practicing good manners is mostly about treating people the way they should be treated.

Updated on March 19, 2021 by Carisha Yabora 3 Comments

How to be a gentlemanPhoto by Brodie Vissers

There is no such thing as the perfect boyfriend. One can never live up to another’s expectations but it does not hurt to set a few standards for yourself. To be a gentleman is to be a chivalrous, courteous, and honorable man, and to be one not only benefits yourself but is also enriching towards your relationship with the people around your social circle, especially your girlfriend.

Being a gentleman is not difficult, one does not have to rescue damsels in distress nor wear gloves or spectacles. The modern gentleman’s essence is in the way he acts and carries himself. If one needs tips on how to achieve this then continue to read down below:

1. Don’t keep her waiting.
Punctuality goes a long way when you are trying to become a gentleman. Tardiness is never smiled upon especially when it is on your anniversary date! Just think about your girlfriend, waiting alone in the restaurant, checking her watch, and wondering where you are. It is never polite to make someone wait because being on time is an important way of showing other people that you respect their time.

If you have trouble keeping up with the clock, then it is strongly recommended that you make it a habit of appearing 15 minutes before the intended meeting time.

2. Ladies first.
One of the golden rules in the gentleman’s book is the two words: ladies first. Whether it is opening the door of a car, picking a seat on the table for a dinner date, or simply in normal actions in everyday life, the modern gentleman still carries this important rule with him. A gentleman will always reassure the comfort of his girlfriend first before his own. He will always walk by the side of the street instead of the lady. So if you want to truly learn to become a gentleman, always keep in mind the golden rule: ladies first.

3. Always remember important dates.
Whether it is a birthday, an anniversary, a death anniversary, the day she lost her first tooth, or the day she got her first job, it is important to always remember significant days. The modern gentleman cares and breaks the stereotype of men forgetting their important dates with their loved ones and rushing to pick up a bunch of flowers to appease with whatever it was that they have forgotten.

To be a gentleman is to always remember important dates. By doing this, you are showing your girlfriend that what is important to her is also important to you and as a bonus, you are never in a rush to buy gifts whenever the day does come!

4. Be a good listener.
In a relationship, being a good listener is important. A gentleman always listens to his lady no matter what it is that she is talking about. To be a gentleman, you have to show her that you indeed care and understand what she is going through. A gentleman is always there to lend an ear, whether it is a complaint about a coworker, how much her back is aching, how sunny the weather is, or why she loved the pasta so much, and he does not just listen, he understands too! How to be a gentlemanPhoto by nicolagiordano

5. Always carry a handkerchief.
In other words, this can be translated to “always be prepared”. Prepared for what? one may ask. In the likes of the handkerchief, a gentleman is always prepared to hand it to a lady who needs it. The modern gentleman is prepared for anything! If you know that your girlfriend is forgetful and has an important job interview tomorrow, then help her organize her things so that when she asks you tomorrow for her lost keys, you will be right there to hand them to her.

A gentleman is prepared for worst-case scenarios and is also equipped with alternative plans.

6. Pay attention to your girlfriend.
Your girlfriend is not your trophy. She is not there for your pleasure nor for you to display her and polish her whenever you want to. A true gentleman respects his girlfriend, more importantly, he pays attention to her. He listens to what she needs or what she wants to talk about. No matter how busy he may seem, the true gentleman will set aside time for the one he loves.

At the end of the day, after a long drinking session with coworkers or a busy night at work, your girlfriend will be the one to welcome you with open arms so paying attention to her is vital. Remember that a gentleman does not overlook the important figures in his life.

7. Remember the little things.
A gentleman does not only pay attention, he remembers the little things that she says. He knows when she is in the mood for nachos, he knows that it irks her when he snorts, he knows what makes her smile and what makes her sad. A gentleman never forgets the seemingly insignificant things that she shares with him throughout her day. It may seem like a small deal but whenever you bring it up to her, it will plaster a smile upon her face and let her know that indeed you do remember what she said that Friday night.

8. Nothing makes her look fat.
A gentleman never insults his girlfriend. He never tells her that she looks fat but instead he showers his loved one with compliments, one that will build up her self-esteem and confidence and make her feel more encouraged and empowered. He also does not forget to show constructive criticism when needed but a gentleman will see it so that it is presented in a way that will not be offensive. One will always support the growth of his loved one.

9. Always apologize.
It is important to learn how to apologize, especially when one is in the wrong. A true gentleman is never full of pride and he truly believes that apologizing never makes you less of a man. He knows the value of the relationship and will never hold it at stake for the sake of a quarrel.

The modern gentleman would rather apologize first than risk losing his girlfriend. If one has trouble doing this, it may help to think or choose which is more important, your pride or your loved one? How to be a gentlemanPhoto by StockSnap

10. Protect her at all times.
And finally, the true gentleman shields his lady from harm. He makes sure that she is protected at all times, whether it may be physical, mental, or emotional. He will never allow another person to harass his girlfriend nor will he ever allow himself the one to emotionally inflict pain upon his girlfriend. A gentleman will always see to it that his lady is well-taken care of, disregarding himself and putting her first.

As mentioned earlier, it is not difficult to be a gentleman if one follows these ten simple steps. Being a true gentleman is much more complex than this but hopefully, after reading, one can be enlightened and be able to use these tips for the betterment of himself and of those around him. It is important to keep in mind that the true gentleman needs not to shout to the world what he is, he shows it in the way he walks and the way he serves.

From Georgian to Edwardian

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During the Victorian era, when someone was called Victorian gentlemen, it meant that they did not need to work in order to earn money or perform any manual labour in order to live and survive. Also, this type of man was classified by owning their own land and having a particularly generous income.

A Victorian gentleman was also classified by a person who never inflicts pain to anyone. He has a helpful air about him who instead of doing things off of his own initiatives, supports their actions. He has several luxuries that emphasise and embody his gentleman-like nature.

Table of Contents

Typical manners expected of a Victorian gentleman

Respect

The gentlemen ensure that they do not have a clash of opinions with others but strive to maintain a respectable and likeable reputation with those who know him and his family so will always stay away from any actions that will jolt in the perceptions of those who he knows. The gentleman of the Victorian era would, therefore, be sure to maintain his respectable nature and maintain a concern being to make everyone feel at ease when they talk to him.

Conversations

During conversations with those who accompany him, he would have his eyes on all of his company ensuring that he sustains his gentleness, mercifulness and tenderness towards all people no matter what they act like or who they are.

To many people’s surprise, the gentleman was not meant to think too much of himself and be egotistical. Instead, he chose not to bring himself or matters concerning himself up in the day to day conversation. In fact, even if he was insulted by slander or gossip, this would still not spur him on to defend his reputation by a few rumours.

It definitely sounds like a hard task to be a Victorian gentleman but you can be sure that the men of this time day and age carried out their demeanour and grace wherever they went and whatever they did.

Appearance

He has a good reputation in his workplace and with the people he interacts with and as you can see by the image presented on the page, he was extremely well presented. Most likely did not have a hair out of place, his presentation was always to be kept at the upmost of appearances and regarded as extremely important. Not only to himself but to all of those who beheld his gentlemanlike manner and appearance.

Is being a gentleman an archaic concept? Or is it still relevant today? Does the word “gentleman” conjure images of an ancient knight in shining armor fighting valiantly for a lady, or a man wearing an expensive suit, dining in five-star restaurants, and tipping his hat?

Thankfully, the definition of being a gentleman has changed—for the better—as many of these outdated notions have long passed away. Being a gentleman is no longer associated with being a man of high social position and wealth. In fact, one does not need to look any further than the five o’clock news to know that money and power do not buy class.

Today, being a gentleman is a matter of choice. It is a title you earn through an unwavering commitment to invest in your character. It is not about perfection, but a constantly renewed pursuit of excellence. Gentlemen are not stiff, pretentious, or focused on elevating themselves. Instead, they strive to succeed while helping those around them succeed as well. Being a gentleman means that you care about how your choices impact others. It is about human connection.

At a recent professional event, I was introduced to a man who dressed impeccably and had been working the room like a pro. His handshake was appropriate, and our initial conversation was pleasant, but he quickly became boastful, stopped listening, and seemed unaware of the people around him. Before my eyes, he transformed from a gentleman into a banty rooster—all puff and little substance. Sadly, he was unable to connect in a meaningful way.

Our world is in desperate need of more gentlemen. Those who choose to pick up this torch are not only performing a noble feat, but they also reap incredible rewards. The qualities of a modern gentleman never go out-of-style and pay huge dividends.

And if you are eager to read the Ten Qualities of Being a Modern “Lady,” read on! Character is not gender specific, and these traits apply equally to both men and women of valor.

Here are ten qualities of a modern gentleman:

  1. Generous

A gentleman is generous with his time, wisdom, and resources. He looks for ways to help others. He is a servant leader, and his commitment to interpersonal kindness creates a positive workplace culture that boosts commitment, engagement, and performance.

  1. Positive

A gentleman chooses to be positive. His positivity is contagious, and his consistent encouragement draws others to him. He practices gratitude, which research shows lowers his blood pressure, improves immune function, reduces stress hormones, and facilitates better sleep.

  1. Lifelong Learner

A gentleman maintains a teachable posture and actively seeks new challenges. His intellectual curiosity propels him to constantly better himself and his craft through reading, coaching, ongoing education, and time spent with mentors. He turns off the T.V. and silences his phone to make time for this investment. He is emotionally mature, mentally sharp, informed, and not ashamed to ask for help.

  1. Civil

A gentleman embraces civility by valuing all people and treating everyone with respect. From the janitor to the CEO, he carefully considers how his behavior and words impact others. He treats female and male colleagues with the same respect. According to a study of nearly 20,000 employees around the world, no other leadership behavior had a bigger effect on employee commitment and engagement than respect. Civility is the hallmark of great leadership, and it pays.

  1. Well-Mannered

A gentleman is well-mannered, and can effortlessly navigate social and professional settings with confidence and proficiency. He stays abreast of current etiquette guidelines, and uses social acumen to navigate shifting norms. As a result, he is as comfortable at a casual gathering with friends as he is in the boardroom. He returns his shopping cart, says “please” and “thank you,” holds doors open for others, tips generously, and smiles often.

  1. Hard Worker

A gentleman possesses a strong work ethic. He takes great pride in his work and strives to give his very best every day. He is reliable, dedicated, self-disciplined, humble, and a team player. He leads and is led well. People want him on their team.

  1. Sharp Appearance

A gentleman understands the power of his appearance—that the way he chooses to dress, groom, and carry himself is either a bridge or a barrier to his success because what people see, is what they expect. He takes no days off from excellence, and his consistently sharp appearance demonstrates respect for himself and his environment, wherever he may be. He conducts an annual image audit to ensure that his appearance is up-to-date and supports his goals.

  1. Effective Communicator

A gentleman is well-spoken and a focused listener. He demonstrates conversational competence and leaves others feeling inspired, engaged, and understood. He manages his tone and body language to maximize connection. He knows that hearing is a passive physical process, but listening is an active mental process that requires work. As a result, he strives to really listen to what people have to say while also effectively communicating his point of view.

  1. Confident

A gentleman is confident in that he knows the value of what he brings to the table. He seeks competence, not perfection. His body language and commanding personal presence identify him as a leader. He stands upright, walks with purpose, avoids hiding his hands in his pockets, and extends a firm handshake.

  1. Person of Integrity

A gentleman does the right thing even when no one is watching. He is a man of his word, and is not swayed by peer pressure or popular opinion. The man he is at work is the same person you will encounter in the community and at his home.

Just ask yourself: How do you want to be remembered? ™

Is being a gentleman an archaic concept? Or is it still relevant today? Does the word “gentleman” conjure images of an ancient knight in shining armor fighting valiantly for a lady, or a man wearing an expensive suit, dining in five-star restaurants, and tipping his hat?

Thankfully, the definition of being a gentleman has changed—for the better—as many of these outdated notions have long passed away. Being a gentleman is no longer associated with being a man of high social position and wealth. In fact, one does not need to look any further than the five o’clock news to know that money and power do not buy class.

Today, being a gentleman is a matter of choice. It is a title you earn through an unwavering commitment to invest in your character. It is not about perfection, but a constantly renewed pursuit of excellence. Gentlemen are not stiff, pretentious, or focused on elevating themselves. Instead, they strive to succeed while helping those around them succeed as well. Being a gentleman means that you care about how your choices impact others. It is about human connection.

At a recent professional event, I was introduced to a man who dressed impeccably and had been working the room like a pro. His handshake was appropriate, and our initial conversation was pleasant, but he quickly became boastful, stopped listening, and seemed unaware of the people around him. Before my eyes, he transformed from a gentleman into a banty rooster—all puff and little substance. Sadly, he was unable to connect in a meaningful way.

Our world is in desperate need of more gentlemen. Those who choose to pick up this torch are not only performing a noble feat, but they also reap incredible rewards. The qualities of a modern gentleman never go out-of-style and pay huge dividends.

And if you are eager to read the Ten Qualities of Being a Modern “Lady,” read on! Character is not gender specific, and these traits apply equally to both men and women of valor.

Here are ten qualities of a modern gentleman:

  1. Generous

A gentleman is generous with his time, wisdom, and resources. He looks for ways to help others. He is a servant leader, and his commitment to interpersonal kindness creates a positive workplace culture that boosts commitment, engagement, and performance.

  1. Positive

A gentleman chooses to be positive. His positivity is contagious, and his consistent encouragement draws others to him. He practices gratitude, which research shows lowers his blood pressure, improves immune function, reduces stress hormones, and facilitates better sleep.

  1. Lifelong Learner

A gentleman maintains a teachable posture and actively seeks new challenges. His intellectual curiosity propels him to constantly better himself and his craft through reading, coaching, ongoing education, and time spent with mentors. He turns off the T.V. and silences his phone to make time for this investment. He is emotionally mature, mentally sharp, informed, and not ashamed to ask for help.

  1. Civil

A gentleman embraces civility by valuing all people and treating everyone with respect. From the janitor to the CEO, he carefully considers how his behavior and words impact others. He treats female and male colleagues with the same respect. According to a study of nearly 20,000 employees around the world, no other leadership behavior had a bigger effect on employee commitment and engagement than respect. Civility is the hallmark of great leadership, and it pays.

  1. Well-Mannered

A gentleman is well-mannered, and can effortlessly navigate social and professional settings with confidence and proficiency. He stays abreast of current etiquette guidelines, and uses social acumen to navigate shifting norms. As a result, he is as comfortable at a casual gathering with friends as he is in the boardroom. He returns his shopping cart, says “please” and “thank you,” holds doors open for others, tips generously, and smiles often.

  1. Hard Worker

A gentleman possesses a strong work ethic. He takes great pride in his work and strives to give his very best every day. He is reliable, dedicated, self-disciplined, humble, and a team player. He leads and is led well. People want him on their team.

  1. Sharp Appearance

A gentleman understands the power of his appearance—that the way he chooses to dress, groom, and carry himself is either a bridge or a barrier to his success because what people see, is what they expect. He takes no days off from excellence, and his consistently sharp appearance demonstrates respect for himself and his environment, wherever he may be. He conducts an annual image audit to ensure that his appearance is up-to-date and supports his goals.

  1. Effective Communicator

A gentleman is well-spoken and a focused listener. He demonstrates conversational competence and leaves others feeling inspired, engaged, and understood. He manages his tone and body language to maximize connection. He knows that hearing is a passive physical process, but listening is an active mental process that requires work. As a result, he strives to really listen to what people have to say while also effectively communicating his point of view.

  1. Confident

A gentleman is confident in that he knows the value of what he brings to the table. He seeks competence, not perfection. His body language and commanding personal presence identify him as a leader. He stands upright, walks with purpose, avoids hiding his hands in his pockets, and extends a firm handshake.

  1. Person of Integrity

A gentleman does the right thing even when no one is watching. He is a man of his word, and is not swayed by peer pressure or popular opinion. The man he is at work is the same person you will encounter in the community and at his home.

Just ask yourself: How do you want to be remembered? ™