Updated on February 27, 2021 by Cyril Abello 2 Comments
Newlywed and still groping in the dark of how it is to be a good wife? Or you have probably been married for many years but it seems like you still have to learn a lot about being a real partner to your husband. Either way, I hope this list can help you be the best version of this special role of being ‘wifey’.
So, what are the qualities that make a good wife material?
1. Understands she is not single anymore
Well, this is the first and foremost reminder that any wife should absorb into her system. Once you are married, especially if you have kids already, then you cannot live the same lifestyle you had enjoyed when you were single. This means less “me-time” because you have to put the needs of your family first before your need for parties, shopping, and hanging out with girlfriends.
2. Respects hubby
No matter how much your personalities, views, and principles differ from each other, you have to respect your husband—like how you would want him to respect you. Yes, you can point out your ideas, but never ever insist that you are right and he is wrong, or call him stupid. Also, never embarrass him in public, particularly in front of your family or his, his friends or yours, and especially in front of your children.
3. Treats him like a king
You want your husband to treat you like his queen, right? Therefore, you also need to treat him like a king—and that is by serving him wholeheartedly. This does not mean lowering yourself to the level of a martyred slave, but it means initiating a selfless kind of relationship between you. It would not hurt cooking him his favorite dish, giving him a massage, preparing his attire for work the next day, and simply making him a cup of coffee every morning.
4. Does not nag
Have you ever been nagged by your mom when you were a kid? It was annoying, right? Your husband feels the same every time you nag him about every little thing he does—him leaving his dirty socks lying around, forgetting about picking up deliveries, and so on. Instead of pestering him with sermons, why not talk to him sensibly about your concerns to avoid fights and high blood pressures?
5. Makes time for her partner
Whether you are a housewife or a working one, you must not make busyness an excuse not to spend time with your husband anymore. To keep love alive even after long years of marriage, couples should not stop dating each other. Both of you should decide to go out together or simply have a hearty talk over cups of coffee at least once a week.
6. Accepts that he is imperfect
Marriage makes you discover more of your partner’s flaws—usually pricking the bubble of your happy married life dream. However, instead of wishing you could marry someone else, you must understand that both of you are not perfect so the best thing to do is help each other become better. Instead of constantly pointing out his flaws, assure him that you still love him despite his shortcomings.
7. Is financially wise
The responsibility of proper budgeting and money management must be shared by both husband and wife. For this reason, if you are poor at this, then you have to start learning how to be a better financial manager—this advice goes for your husband as well. This way, you can help save your marriage from a possible breakup due to money problems.
8. Forgives and forgets
Since both of you are imperfect, your marriage should have an allowance for mistakes—there should be grace. If you want to keep your husband, then it means you should be willing to forgive him whenever he commits mistakes and give him a second chance. In addition, the next time you fight, stop bringing back past issues since you have already forgiven him for them.
9. Trusts him completely
Having committed to trusting your husband fully means not being suspicious towards him all the time. Until proven that he is doing or has done something wrong, then avoid acting like a detective or getting jealous easily. This will only lead you to paranoia.
10. Supports his passion and dreams
As a wife, you should be the number one cheerleader of your husband. No matter how difficult the journey into it is, do not discourage your partner from pursuing his dream. You should believe in him—assure him that—and help him in any way you can.
11. Does not tolerate what is wrong
Being supportive of your husband does not include tolerating his mistakes. As his wife, it is part of your role to make sure he stays being a good person and citizen, not just for your family and the community, but for himself as well. Rebuke him by talking to him gently about the matter, and help him change or do what is right.
12. Keeps a harmonious relationship with husbands’ loved ones
Loving your husband and accepting who he is involved loving the people he values as well—his family and friends. Therefore, respect his immediate family, especially his parents; show kindness to them; and visit them from time to time. You should also make an effort to get to know his friends better and treat them as your own friends too.
13. Takes care of herself
Being a good wife is not limited to putting the needs of your husband first. You know your hubby loves you, so if you would get sick or something bad happens to you, then it would affect him much. For this reason, keep yourself healthy and fit—and this could also help keep your husband in love with you.
14. Prays for him regularly
As a wife, you know you have no superpowers so you cannot help or protect your husband at all times. For this reason, you need to acknowledge the one who can do these best—and that is God. Praying for your husband daily is actually the best thing you can do for him.
Go for it, wifey!
More than anything else, the best advice I could give you is to simply love unconditionally. Give without expecting anything in return. You can only do this without draining your self-esteem by loving yourself first. Learn to value yourself, and do not base your self-worth on anybody’s affection. You may be a wife—the other half in a sacred union—but you are an individual as well.
Posted on August 9th, 2010 by Maggie Castrey
Here’s an excerpt from a 1950s high school home economics textbook. If their mothers acted this way, small wonder they’re confused by us millennium women! Do you ever feel guilty because you can’t live up to this fantasy of the “Good Wife”?
Have dinner ready.
Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal is part of the warm welcome needed.
Take fifteen minutes to rest so that you are refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your makeup, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. Be a little gay and a little more interesting. His boring day may need a lift.
Clear away the clutter.
Make one last trip through the main part of the house. Gather up the books, toys, and newspapers. Dust the tables so that they appear clean. Your husband will feel that he has reached his haven of rest and order. Doing this for him will give you a lift also.
Prepare the children.
Take a few minutes to wash their faces and hands. Comb their hair and change their clothes if it is necessary to make them look presentable to him. They are “God’s Creatures” and your husband would like to see them playing their part.
Minimize all noise.
At the time of his arrival, eliminate all the noises of the washer, dryer, dishwasher, and vacuum. You’ve had plenty of time to do these things during the day. Don’t do them now. Encourage your children to be quiet. Be happy to see your husband. Greet him with a warm smile.
Do not greet your husband with problems or complaints.
Don’t complain when he is late for dinner. Count this as minor when compared to what he had to go through today.
Make him comfortable.
Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or suggest that he lie down for a few minutes in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soft, soothing and pleasant voice. Allow him to relax and unwind.
Listen to him.
You may have a dozen things to tell him but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him speak first.
He is special! Never complain that he does not take you out to dinner or to other pleasant entertainment. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure, his need to unwind and relax. Remember that you relaxed all day waiting for his return. Now it’s his turn to enjoy what you enjoyed.
Try to make his home a place of peace and order,
a place where your husband can relax in body and spirit.
What makes a good wife? A woman assessing her success as a spouse and her husband evaluating how great she is, is nowhere near the same thing. Here is his perspective on the matter.
When you consider your role as a wife, how would you grade yourself? Are you a good wife?
Now, what grade would your husband give you? If your marriage is healthy and happy, your answers will most likely be in sync. At least, thatвЂ™s where it should be.
But the reasons why you and your husband think youвЂ™re ‘Wonder Wife’ are likely different–different, that is, unless you know what men think a great wife is.
As far as being a good wife goes, how does he think you fair?
What men want in a good wife
When it comes to getting down to the nitty-gritty on what men want and need in a wife, the following list of things is considered the essentials for a healthy marriage and what men consider a вЂgood wifeвЂ™ to be:
- A good wife is one that respects her husband. She respects her husbandвЂ™s need to be the вЂfixerвЂ™ in the relationship. She knows her husband is not going to be a passive listener. ItвЂ™s not in his genetic make-up to вЂjustвЂ™ listen without trying to make the situation a resolved situation.
- In a husbandвЂ™s eyes, the best wife is one that contentedly lives within their means. To do so affirms to them that they are fulfilling their role as head of the house. DonвЂ™t laugh–no matter how progressive you are. There is an inherent need in a man to feel this way.
- A good wife will parent with their husband–not against him. She will also never ever speak negatively about her husband to her children, family, friends or co-workers. The problems in a marriage (every marriage has a few) need to stay between the married couple (unless professional help is sought out). FIY: Your co-worker is not a marriage counselor.
- A good wife will not try to change her husband; molding him into her ideal of perfection.
- A good wife makes time for her husband every day. Some days that time may be shorter than others, but make sure there is always time for just the two of you.
- A good wife listens to her husband. She wonвЂ™t always agree with him, but sheвЂ™ll listen in just the same way she wants her husband to listen to her.
- A good wife lets her husband know she is sexually attracted to him. No, men arenвЂ™t quite as insecure as we women are about ageing and looks, but they do think about it just the same. And although it should go without saying, this includes being faithful in the marriage.
- A good wife is one whose takes care of her family. AgainвЂ¦no matter how modern and progressive you think your family is (or should be), the position of wife and mother comes with certain responsibilities.
- A good wife doesnвЂ™t try to make her husband choose between her and his family. This family may be his mom, children from a previous marriage or spending every other Friday night playing poker with his brother-but he shouldnвЂ™t be made to choose.
- A good wife tells her husband that she loves and appreciates him every single day.
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“A good wife always knows her place.”
While some folks today have a very cynical view of what being a housewife was like, many women of the era felt that their marriage was a partnership and most had at least some control of the finances. The old-fashioned way of doing things was that the husband would simply hand over his paycheck to his wife for her to manage as she saw fit. All this makes some of the advice in a recently-surfaced list of ways to be a “good housewife” all the more suspicious.
Via/ Internet Archive
It’s no secret that things were quite a bit different for women in the 1950s and 1960s. Ladies often were expected to stay home, take care of the kids, make the house look nice, and generally do all the of the cooking and cleaning. But, this job was what many little girls dreamed of and they had been preparing for it their whole lives by helping in the kitchen and learning homemaking skills from Mom and in home economics classes.
Cookbooks and etiquette books were another source of information and had long been a staple of the American woman’s housekeeping. Each book usually gave advice on serving, manners, how to run a household, and other essential parts of the role of cook and housewife. However, this list of ways to be a good wife claims to be from a 1955 magazine called Housekeeping Monthly.
It’s labeled “The good wife’s guide” and the advice on the arrival of one’s husband home from a long day at work is as follows:
“Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready, on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favourite [sic] dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.
Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you’ll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.
Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.”
Via/ State Archives of Florida
The advice continues with many more ways to make your husband happy:
“Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift, too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.
Prepare the children. Take a few minutes to wash the children’s hands and faces (if they are small), comb their hair, and if necessary, change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part. Minimise [sic] all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer, or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet.”
Via/ State Archives of Florida
It certainly is nice to be appreciated when you get home, but it seems like the advice was to pretend that no noise or chilliness could ever invade the family home. And, in my family home the man of the house was usually the one to start the fire when it was cold!
There’s lots more advice from this source about other ways to make the husband comfortable and to keep your complaints to yourself. The piece ends with these words: “A good wife always knows her place.”
But, there is a little truth in some of the advice bullet point. “Sexist” Singer sewing manual advice from 1949 also advises that to feel good one should put on a little makeup and pretty up for full self confidence. But, nowhere in that sewing manual does it say to refresh your makeup for your husband. The self confidence was so that your sewing projects would turn out well!
There was a very humorous print ad in 1944, when Swan soap was a sponsor for The Burns and Allen Showradio program, in which Gracie Allen gives advice on how to be a good wife. Her gems of wisdom included giving your husband privacy while he tends to the children and taking an interest in his work around the house (such as laundry). However, we doubt the modern (fictional) guide to being a good wife was based on this Swan soap ad!
Via/ Vintage Ad Browser
Upon further inspection, incredulous researchers found that there was no magazine named Housekeeping Monthly either in the U.S. or the U.K. The list uses an image from a 1957 cover of the U.K. magazine John Bull and the list first made the rounds after a string of emails and was later posted online as fact.
The piece has been alternately attributed to the fictional sources of Housekeeping Monthly, some mysterious textbook, or the very real book called Fascinating Womanhood. The “good wife” list is from none of these sources and is probably of a completely modern concoction.
The advice may be fictional, but the ideas behind some of these “good wife” tips do seem somewhat appropriate for the era. What do you think about this advice on how to be a good housewife?
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Date and Time
Sat, March 27, 2021
1:00 PM – 3:00 PM CDT
About this Event
Join us for an online workshop to sew your own 19th century sewing kit called a housewife or hussif.
A housewife or hussif was a portable sewing kit, usually made from scraps of fabric, and carried by everyone from fine ladies to soldiers.
In this Zoom class you will learn how to measure, cut, and hand sew a hussif based on 19th century examples.
Date and Time
Sat, March 27, 2021
1:00 PM – 3:00 PM CDT
A Good Housewife: Sew a 19th Century Housewife/Hussif/Sewing Kit
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What if all you need to solve your marital conflict are 7 secret steps to follow?
Sound too good to be true? It isn’t. So many women today are at a loss about how to be a wife. They just have no idea how to bring out the best in a man. And why would they? No one taught them! They can’t know what they’ve never been told and what they’ve never seen modeled.
You don’t have to be in the dark anymore.
Allow me to introduce you to Lauren, who came to me when she was just about ready to give up on her marriage. Truth be told, Lauren felt she’d married the wrong man. She was losing hope she’d ever be able to make it work since she’d already spent several years trying to figure things out with no results.
I assured her the chances were slim that she had, in fact, married the wrong man. Most men make perfectly good husbands and live to see their wives happy.
“Then why does he prefer doing anything but spend time with me?”
Probably because the behaviors you’re exuding aren’t attracting your husband, I said. They’re repelling him. Then I showed Lauren how to be the kind of wife a man raves about and can’t wait to come home to at night.
I taught her what it means to respect her husband and what this does to the soul of a man.
I told her how important it is to stop directing his traffic and to learn how to receive instead.
I explained the importance of being vulnerable and playful—and of making sure she makes time to relax so she can bring her best self to the table.
She’d never heard these things, she said. She was excited about having a new plan and quickly began putting it to action. Overnight, she said, her marriage felt different. Her husband seemed like a new man! But I assured her that her husband hadn’t changed at all. She had, and that made all the difference.
How long have you been living like Lauren, trying to figure this wife thing out on your own?
Learn the 7 secret steps to a peaceful and passionate relationship with your man, and you’ll never look back. When you know the words and the behaviors that speak to a man, marital conflict naturally erodes—and you’ll create the marriage you crave.
“Best. Advice. EVER.”
“Counseling was a joke compared to the cut-to-the-chase content of this book. Suzanne Venker, you’re my hero!”
“I’m on Day 2 of your theory, and you’re absolutely right: the problem vanishes overnight.”
Kyle is the founder of Branding Beard. He writes about communication tips on Lifehack. Read full profile
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Being a good person is not hard, but it doesn’t just happen. As much as anything else, you have to want to be a good person and make choices that correspond with your beliefs. No matter where you are in your life, you can make the choice to change. Here are 15 simple traits of a truly good person.
1. They are honest in relationships.
Relationships can put an amazing amount of stress and stain on a person, especially when things are going wrong. A nice person may try to stay in a relationship for too long, attempting to force something that isn’t there. But a truly good person will be honest in their relationship and move it forward when things are going well and end it when the time comes. It’s difficult, if not impossible, to live up to your lofty potential when your relationship is dragging you down. Be honest about how you feel and stay loyal when you’ve committed.
2. They compliment others when deserved.
Good people understand that others need praise. Complimenting is not only a good thing to do, but a sign that you can be excited for other people’s triumphs. A truly good person will compliment when deserved and offer constructive criticism when warranted.
3. They call their parents regularly.
It’s simple, but being respectful and grateful for your parents is a truly great thing. It’s easy to get to busy and let life get in your way, but truly good people find time to make sure they check in with mom and dad regularly.
4. They are polite.
Good people are polite. They show respect and mind their manners. It’s not to be a showoff or to seem better; they just truly respect individuals and want to treat them how they want to be treated. You don’t have to be formal or walk on eggshells to be polite. It’s more a function of ensuring you act in a way that is fitting for your present location.
5. They are kind to everyone.
A good person doesn’t have to like everyone, but they are at least kind. They look at people for the person they can be and can look past the present to see the person’s positives.
6. They are generous with their belongings.
While you don’t physically have to give the shirt off your back, a truly good person is be willing to be generous. A good person understands that the things we collect and the money we accumulate are not worth anything without people to share it with. You don’t have to be a bleeding heart, giving away your life fortune; rather, be open and generous to those less fortunate in a time of need.
7. They remember their manners.
Whether it’s waiting until everyone has their food to eat or opening the door when others walk through, proper manners are definitely not out of style. Truly good people understand the importance of their actions and always remember their manners.
8. They think of others.
It’s easy to be selfish and do what’s best for yourself. Yet, truly good people consider others in their decisions. They understand that what’s good for them may not always be the best for others. They don’t have to cater exclusively to others; rather, they understand and take into consideration how their actions will affect others and are comfortable with the decision to move forward.
9. They go the extra mile.
A truly good person makes sure the task gets done and always goes the extra mile. Whether it’s staying to help clean up after an event or spending their own time ensuring things get done properly, a good person understands the importance of finishing what they start.
10. They are kind to loved ones.
Sometimes you can be great to others but treat the ones who love you the most the worst. A truly good person doesn’t take out their problems on their loved ones and is as pleasant at home as in the public eye.
11. They smile.
A smile can light up a room, and truly good people smile often—not just when things are going well.
12. They make the best out of every situation.
In every situation, there are positives and negatives. A truly good person will find and focus the positives. That’s not to say they don’t take the negatives; rather, they find ways to improve and become better because of the bad things.
13. They make friends easily.
A truly good person is one who people want to be around. People are drawn to them. By being positive and finding the best in others, they can make and keep friends easily.
14. They don’t take things for granted.
Being a truly good person is an ongoing pursuit. They understand that what they’ve done in the past doesn’t ensure results in the future.
15. They are consistent.
A first impression is a lasting impression. By being consistent in what they do, a truly good person will ensure they always put their best foot forward and treat every person and situation the same.
Being a good person isn’t hard, but it does take a consistent approach. By using the traits above, you too can be a truly good person.
And you will desire to control your husband,
but he will rule over you. (Genesis 3:16)
Inequality between the sexes began when we locked God out of the garden and decided to forge our own path to knowledge and self-actualization. That’s when this marriage experiment began to go south. The woman itched to control her man and the man lorded it over his wife. Thus began the endless cycle of dysfunction that is now “normal” with control and manipulation at he helm of the Relation-Ship.
The urge to control my husband is real. I want to tell him exactly how to wipe the counters, what to wear and when, how to express his sentiments and what inflections would be most helpful… It is like a strong pull towards puppetry, where I’m the puppeteer and Mark’s soul just follows.
This is Fall-driven not Garden-driven!
If you’re like me, you don’t like people telling you how to feel. But how do we feel about the Bible telling us how to feel? The Bible spells it out in black and white when it comes to the emotions wives are called to have towards their husbands.
Get ahold of what the Scripture says to wives about the strong gravitational pull towards control that came with the cursed curse in the Garden… As it often does, God calls us to operate in the opposite spirit of what the enemy is suggesting to our souls at every opportunity:
…The wife must see to it that she respects and delights in her husband –that she notices him and prefers him and treats him with loving concern, treasuring him, honoring him, and holding him dear. (Ephesians 5:33 AMP)
These concepts are foreign, and the tide of the culture is for anything but submission. That has been dismissed and considered weak and even dangerous. Granted, these precepts presuppose a healthy family, a fearless family where all are safe. All bets are off if there is domination and superiority at the head. That’s another story altogether!
The Word is the Word is the final Word.
Believers are called to be good at whatever we decide to do. Women who choose to be married are called to be good wives, and there are real directives in Scripture as to what that looks like:
- A wife is called to respect her husband. This mind-set is a choice. The culture, so often expressed in the media, tends to display the wife laughing at her husband, belittling him, and treating him with subtle (and not so subtle) contempt. The sitcoms may be funny, but this ain’t funny.
- A wife is directed to delight in her husband. Delight has been supplanted by a tendency to despise, but wives are called to “enjoy him as a blessing from God” (1 Peter 3:2 AMP).
- A wife is to encourage her husband – to use her words to build him up, expressing gratitude for the things he does for the family, to cheer him on, and to be his biggest fan.
- The wife needs to understand her husband (see 1 Peter 3:5). This is to know how he ticks, when he needs space, when he needs a helping hand, and in general, to understand how God wired him, accommodating his temperament, not expecting him to think and respond differently than how he was created. Often we women want to feminize our husbands; we expect them to see things through our lens, to read our minds, to do and say things we would do and say, but they aren’t clones of us. They are men, scientifically wired differently in their brains.
- The wife can enjoy having a leader and be willing to follow his leadership. In any organization there has to be leadership. Someone has to take it on, or chaos ensues. While marriage is a true partnership, still ultimately someone has to drive; others can help navigate but two people can’t drive at the same time without crashing the vehicle. This is certainly not a dictatorship; rather it’s a well-oiled machine of loving leadership, trust, and mutual respect and submission.
Wives are not called to be dominated, marginalized, treated as inferior, or expected to act as doormats. Women in Scripture are cherished and adored. We are valued as queens, and we reign with Jesus in this world. Still, Queens are called upon to love their Kings. This is true for wives.
Are you struggling as a wife to be all that God has called you to be? Join me in this plain and simple prayer today!
I lay at your feet all that I thought being a wife was meant to be. I have grabbed the steering wheel and almost crashed this thing a few too many times.
I repent of my tendency to control my husband. God, You were right (You always are) when You warned of this back at the beginning in the garden. Satan hates marriage, and He has mocked us long enough. I refuse to control my husband; I resist the temptation to do so, and I receive Your loving help to show me a better way.
I choose to respect him, and to reflect that respect in my words, tone, and demeanor.
Teach me to be grateful for him and to sincerely enjoy him. May my eyes display delight in my husband.
May my words empower and encourage him, always build up and never tear down. Help me to notice all the things he does well and to show my gratitude. Please keep me from the tendency to nitpick and nag and find things to complain about!
Teach me the ins and outs of how You have wired him, the nuances of his temperament. Help me accommodate those tendencies and adapt myself to him. Rid me of the tendency to expect him to think like me! Forgive me for this narcissistic view that my perspective is The Perspective.
Lord, make us a leadership team that understands and respects each other’s roles. Deliver me from being quarrelsome, irritable and ugly.
Ultimately, I cannot expect You to make all these things happen without my cooperation; Your grace is what I need, yet there is effort on my part to work with Your Spirit and to allow Him to transform my mind through Your Word. So open up Your Word to me and change me from the inside out! Make me a wife that will make You smile. And make my husband smile!
It is better to live in a corner of the housetop [on the flat roof, exposed to the weather]
Than in a house shared with a quarrelsome (contentious) woman. (Proverbs 21:9 AMP)