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Are you hesitant to approach women and talk to them out because you just don’t how to?
Is self-esteem your number one problem when it comes to dating?
You’re not alone.
In fact, so many men that don’t know how to be confident around girls struggle with low self-esteem and shyness. As a result, they won’t even start a conversation from fear of rejection.
The Truth Is…
That it doesn’t have to be this way. You can build your self-confidence and be relaxed in the company of any woman if you embrace a few simple changes.
For example, some of the most confident guys out there can easily charm any woman just because they’ve learned how to effectively communicate with them.
So if you want to master communication, you need to socialize with all kinds of people – not just women – as much as possible. But at the same time, try to be a good listener.
Keep reading to discover the best ways to overcome your shyness and boost your self-esteem around women.
The Best Tips on How to Be Confident Around Girls
Start by Taking One Step At A Time
The first step to learning how to be confident around girls is to take it one step at a time.
Don’t expect things to change overnight. Remember, self-esteem is a result of dedicated inner work and practice.
So if you’re not ready to approach the girl you’re interested in, start chatting up with interesting people around the bar. This way, you’ll break the ice. Then, when you feel ready, you can start talking to her.
As for the pickup lines, be original and avoid the cheesy, textbook ones.
For example, give the girl an honest compliment or ask her how her day was. Anything that’ll show her you’re genuinely interested in what she has to say is a bonus.
Also, bear in mind that self-confidence can only be faked to a certain point. There’s a difference between healthy self-esteem and having an inflated sense of self-worth.
Be a Good Listener
If you’ve made it past the initial sentence, you should get the conversation flowing further.
Women love to talk, but you should know how to listen. For example, don’t interrupt her, don’t look away or stare at your phone. Also, try to follow-up with questions related to the conversation.
When you talk about yourself, don’t drag your story to eternity. Women don’t like the humble-brag types of men.
Don’t Be Hard on Yourself
In the dating game, both men and women are prone to rejection. And this is completely normal in social interactions of all kinds.
However, men with low self-esteem have a tendency to take rejection personally. This can stop them from trying again.
If you get rejected by a girl you like, don’t let this discourage you. In fact, you should realize that each rejection leads you to a potentially great girl.
Work on Your Body Language
Besides your verbal language, you should also pay attention to your body language. Non-verbal communication can say a lot about you, even if you’re not actively trying to.
So stand in front of the mirror and take a look at your posture. If you’re slouchy and don’t make eye contact, your body sends the message that you don’t want to be bothered. And if you’re trying to learn how to be confident around girls, you need to be open.
The way you sit when you talk to a girl can speak volumes about how relaxed you are. So if your body is away from her, it’ll give her the impression that you’re not interested.
Crossing your arms or keeping them in your pockets can give the impression of shyness.
Also, what you do with your hands and how you react to conversations are other big cues. Nail-biting, fidgeting, constantly touching your hair or face are big no-nos if you want to show confidence.
Be More Assertive
Women are attracted to assertive men.
But if you’re shy, you can practice this by ordering a drink for the girl, or lead the conversation.
Another example is suggesting going to a different place or asking her for a second date. Even having a strong opinion on a certain topic and elaborating it counts as assertiveness.
Being more open and outgoing comes with time and practice, so have patience with yourself and keep trying.
Try To Be Yourself
This goes without saying, but being someone you’re not won’t do you any favors. Being confident in who you really are as a person means you’re comfortable with your virtues and flaws.
And the women who are ready to get to know you better will gladly do so.
Of course, this doesn’t mean you should tell her your entire life story on the first date. Uncover details about yourself little by little. However, don’t let it be the only topic of conversation.
Women appreciate authentic men who are comfortable in their own skin.
Dress to Impress
Sure, this is a cliche, but looking put together and being well-groomed can boost your self-confidence significantly.
This is because the right clothes can actually make you feel better about yourself. And more importantly, women are attracted to well-dressed men.
But this doesn’t mean you should wear things that make you feel uncomfortable. Find your most basic sense of style and work around that. Dress for the occasion and always wear clean, ironed clothes.
Get regular haircuts, keep your beard neat and maintain a high level of personal hygiene.
The process of learning how to be confident around girls has its own challenges, but it’s also a rewarding experience.
You’ll learn new things about yourself, but also about other people, especially women.
You’ll see they’re not some mystical creatures playing hard to get (though there are those too). And that the most important card up your sleeve is the desire to talk to a woman, have fun with her and not overthink things.
Do you have any tips to add to our list that worked for you? Let us know in the comments below!
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“Just be confident.”
This is probably the most clichéd and most confusing piece of dating advice that men the world over are bombarded with from the time they’re old enough to start crushing on the cute girl from math class. Sure, it’s easy to just tell a guy to “be confident,” but it’s a whole different ball game to actually be able to define confidence and show someone exactly how to go about becoming confident.
This is why I prefer to phrase this piece of advice slightly differently. I don’t tell guys to be confident. Instead I tell them to earn their confidence. This is why every time I hear someone saying that they wish they could be more confident, I feel like slapping them.
You see, confidence isn’t something that’s magically going to wash over you by just closing your eyes and wishing for it. It’s something that you work a little bit towards each and every day, until it becomes a natural part of your mindset.
On that note, here are seven daily exercises that any guy can work on to boost their confidence with women.
1. Groom yourself.
Let’s start with the basics, shall we? Personal grooming; it’s just one of those things that women pay a world of attention to and most men are tragically ambivalent towards. You see, the way that you treat your own body is really a reflection of your own self-esteem. Every time you step outside the door with your hair disheveled, your fingernails overgrown, and your stubble a few days old, you’re effectively telling everyone who crosses your path that you don’t really think much of yourself at all. And trust me: women pick up on this instantly.
Now I’m not asking you to drop hundreds of dollars on fancy haircuts and pedicures. All it takes is just 20 minutes of your time each morning to trim, shave and clip as necessary. So make that exercise number one in your daily confidence-building regime.
2. Dress for success.
Let me ask you a question: when was the last time you really thought about the message that your personal wardrobe was sending out to the world around you? Like your personal grooming, the way that you dress sends out a powerful message about what exactly you think of yourself. And this is a message that women pick up on immediately.
And here’s the thing: you don’t have to spend thousands of dollars on putting out a great look. Just take the time to read a few men’s fashion magazines, figure out your own unique personal style, build a wardrobe around it, and spend a little time each day to make sure that your daily outfit does your personal style justice. You’ll immediately notice a difference in the way that both women and men treat you, and this in turn will start boosting your confidence almost instantly.
3. Get some physical exercise.
One of the most effective ways to build self-confidence is to become confident in your own skin. Now some people might tell you that your physical appearance is irrelevant when it comes to attracting others; and in some ways it is, but the confidence that you can gain by getting into great shape is far from irrelevant. What’s more, regular exercise can also help you feel more relaxed and release brain chemicals that are essential for your mental well-being.
So if your current physical shape leaves something to be desired, make it a point to engage in at least 30 minutes of exercise each day. Remember, you don’t have to go join CrossFit or hire an expensive personal trainer or anything; a simple 30 minute jog after work each day can do your body and confidence levels wonders.
4. Pay attention to your body language and work on your non-verbal communication.
One of the most incredible things about the human mind is how our physiology can almost instantly affect our psychology. For example, think back on a time that you were feeling supremely confident about yourself. Maybe you’d just run a marathon or maybe you’d just talked an insanely gorgeous woman into bed.
Remember what your physiology was like. You would have had your head held up high, with your shoulders back and your chest puffed out. Now try and emulate this physiology the next time you’re feeling low in confidence. It might feel like voodoo, but you’ll feel at least a slight change in your mindset.
It’s a great idea to spend a little time each day to work on your body language and physiology. You can start with things as simple as standing up straight with your chest out when you walk to work, and eventually move onto the finer points like holding strong eye contact when talking to a co-worker or speaking slowly, with confidence when addressing someone.
5. Practice your conversation skills.
There are only a few things more damaging to a man’s confidence levels than feeling socially inadequate. And this loss of confidence can go through a bit of an avalanche effect where each failed social interaction leads to a drop in confidence, which in turn leads to more failed social interactions.
So how do you go about fixing this and building social confidence? It can be by doing something as simple as practicing talking to one stranger every day. It doesn’t even have to be an attractive woman, and it doesn’t even matter what you talk about. Just make it a point to work on being able to start and carry a conversation with an absolute stranger for at least a couple of minutes each day. The social confidence that this will build in you will spill over onto your confidence around women.
6. Do something outside your comfort zone.
Staying inside your comfort zone is a highly effective way to smother, suffocate, and eventually wipe out your self-confidence. Every time you shy away from a situation or a task that’s unfamiliar, you’re effectively telling your subconscious mind that you don’t believe in yourself enough to take up the challenge.
So from now on, actively work on stepping out of your comfort zone at least once each day. You don’t even have to do anything drastic or dangerous to practice this. You don’t have to start by asking out the most attractive girl you know. Something as simple as confronting a colleague about an issue that you’ve been skirting or taking a quick improv class can work wonders.
7. Practice positive affirmations.
Now here’s the thing: you can work on your physical image, your career success and your social skills all you want, but if your internal dialog and thought processes are negative, you will never go about building lasting confidence with women or in life.
A simple exercise that you can practice each day is to write down one positive affirmation about yourself and read it to yourself every morning before you start your day. The key here is to truly believe in your affirmation with every fiber of your being until you wake up each day with it firmly rooted in your mind. Once you get the hang of it, you can start adding more and more affirmations to improve your life and build confidence with.
Like I said before, the only person who will ever be able to build lasting confidence in yourself is you. So I hope that you don’t just stop at reading this article, and that you actively practice these daily exercises each day until you achieve the level of confidence that you desire.
Learn how to become less shy around girls and confidently talk to girls. Girls love confidence, so knowing how to become less shy around girls will improve your social skills and could even lead to a new relationship.
Whether you feel shy around most girls, or just around that one girl you like, it can be very frustrating. You don’t know how to ask her out or even start talking to her. If you do talk to her, you have trouble coming up with something interesting to say to make her like you. You wish she was your girlfriend, but you have no idea how to accomplish that.
In this article, I’m going to show you a couple simple steps to start overcoming your shyness around girls. It may seem like an impossible thing to do right now, but once you know the exact steps to take, it becomes simple and straightforward.
So let’s start off with the basic problem? Why do you feel shy around girls? Often it comes down to you feeling like you are lower status or lower value than them. You feel in some way inferior to them. By the way, notice how around girls who you aren’t as attracted to, you don’t feel as shy around them. This is because they don’t have the beauty which usually intimidates you. So how do you overcome inferiority so you can act confident around the girls you like? One way is to find out what is making you feel inferior and fix it. If you have crooked teeth, get them straightened. If you are overweight, start hitting the gym. If you feel ashamed of the clothes you wear, get a new style. If you think you’re a loner, learn how to make friends.
But what about problems you can’t fix? What about if you were just born way shorter than everyone else? What if you are just uglier than average, no matter what you do? In these cases, I would suggest that you just do whatever you can, but then learn to live with your appearance as it is and learn to accept it. Everyone has their flaws, and girls aren’t really looking for the flawlessly perfect guy anyway. I’m sure you’ve heard before how girls pay far less attention to a guy’s looks than to his personality. In my experience, this is true. Sure, there are some girls who only like good looking guys, but this is the minority. Most girls will look past any physical shortcoming you have if you are just confident and can make them laugh.
Instead of trying to make your appearance perfect, work on improving your social skills. The more you talk to girls, the less shy you will become. As you talk to more and more girls, it’s almost inevitable that you will find a girl you have chemistry with.
How to be confident with women is probably one the most basic skills you need to master in order to be successful with women. It’s the foundation for attraction and at the same time, it’s the advice that everyone gives. “Just be confident” they say… sure. If it was that easy, wouldn’t everyone be doing it ?
The weird thing about confidence is that you can’t buy it and certainly can’t fake it. You have to build it.
Building Confidence is like working out a muscle
Slowly building confidence, like working out a muscle, is the only way to achieve true inner strength. So where should you start in order to be confident with women?
Well most guys that lack confidence not only lack confidence with women, but confidence in every aspect of their life. From talking to people at work to talking to random strangers in the street, you don’t need a beautiful woman to intimidate you. If this is your case, then the first thing to do is immediately start working out. Yes, there are other ways, but that’s the absolute simplest way to slowly build confidence.
Fitness is linked to confidence
You see, at a very deep psychological level, humans link up physical fitness to confidence. How well you can physically perform compared to others determines how you’ll feel about yourself relative to others. Although society’s standards has warped our innate tendencies, the concept still applies on a deep subconscious level. Without getting too much into it, if you feel strong physically, you’ll feel strong mentally as well. This applies to being an alpha male as well.
However, what if you’re already confident with everyone EXCEPT for women. It’s possible that somewhere in your life, you’ve developed a fear of women, where the mere thought of interacting with an attractive woman sends shivers down your spine. If this is the case, then the remedy is simple. Start small and build up from there. By start small, I mean talking to a woman that’s the least intimidating to you and working up from there to more attractive girls.
Talk to many girls
Start frequent conversations with girls that you are NOT attracted to first.
Make a conscious effort to engage in a conversation when you’re shopping, walking, basically everywhere you go.
Getting into the habit of talking to women will build up that ‘confidence muscle’ that you desperately need. Remember, every time you talk to a woman, you become more confident with women. Slowly, build up to talking to more attractive women and you’ll see your success level skyrocket. The golden rule is that you’ll have to talk to 200 women before you’ll gain confidence around women. The trick to it is doing it each and every day because, like a muscle, if you don’t use it for a while, it will start to degrade! So if you don’t talk to women for a week, then your confidence with women will drop.
If you’re looking for more tips and techniques on how to be confident with women, I highly recommend reading my review of Double Your Dating by David DeAngelo, he’s the superstar that will provide you with the ‘secret sauce’ to being ultra confident with women.
Not only will he help you build massive confidence with women, but he’ll also completely turn your life around when it comes to approaching, dating and seducing women.
Confident people: can you teach me how to be like you?
Surround yourself with people who like you for who you are. This is the best advice I can give you on this.
How to be confident when you have nothing to be confident about?
How to learn confidence with no reason to be confident?
I’ve just sent a chat message, I’m keen to help you change those negative beliefs and make some positive change in your life, nobody should feel as bad about themselves as you say you do here.
How do i be confident and stop feeling insecured when going to the gym?
Just show up, that’s how you get over it. It’ll become routine and you won’t feel embarrassed after a while
How are we supposed to be confident?
You can’t. You have to believe in yourself and like yourself. Maybe you could pinpoint what traits those people who make you jealous have? Could it be that you feel like something is missing from your own life, and when you see it in others you feel jealousy? Just an idea.
How To Be Confident Around Women
Nothing triggers attraction in a woman as fast as confidence in a man. If you don’t feel confident around women, you will not only be unable to act the way you want, but feel insecure and be unattractive to women as well. In this article I will reveal the true secret to becoming confident.
Truly speaking I have friends that get so tense and insecure when they see a beautiful woman, that they can’t do anything but freeze.
I also have friends that seem to have no respect at all when a beautiful woman is nearby. You know those moments when a beautiful woman enters the room and suddenly all boys turn around, make their childish comments to their buddies or just freeze and are stunned by their beauty.
Guess what my latter mentioned friends do?
They see her coming in and don’t pay further attention, but a couple minutes later they walk up to her and talk to her in a way most guys would never dare to.
They talk to her as if she was their little sister disregarding all her beauty and the fact that most other guys in the room would break up with their girlfriends if she gave them her attention or spend all their money for her if she just went out on a date with them.
My friends nailed it, over and over again.
They act so confident around her that she smells this coolness in them, and can’t help but feel attracted to them.
Confidence around women is key, so make sure you learn how to be confident around them.
It’s not just a great feeling to be able to behave the way you want around women no matter how hot she is, but it’s also one of the most effective ways to arouse her interest in you.
Unfortunately, not all of us are born as confident geniuses nor have we all learned how to be more confident.
It is especially the “normal” guys with a good education who have always been protected by their parents in their childhood, who are the ones that lack confidence as they mostly never got into much trouble and never had real problems to solve.
This is why it’s mostly the normal guys who aren’t successful with women.
If you are one of them or also lack confidence around women, for the moment how to build self-confidence should be your #1 goal.
The Two Criteria For How To Be More Confident
I have figured out that there are two key things that determine your confidence: your experience, and your mindset.
Guys who face challenges at an early age are forced to build confidence as they sense very early what it is like to act responsible.
On another hand if you have been raised by parents who took good care of you, and you always had someone looking after you, chances are that you are not as confident, as you never really felt what it’s like to be responsible for yourself.
Responsibility creates confidence.
If you are not confident, start with accepting responsibility for your life and everything that comes along with it. Accept responsibility for small things, because then you will start being challenged.
And every time you pass a challenge, you will start believing more and more in you.
Besides experience, there is something mostly automatic that comes along with a successfully passed challenge, which is a shift in your mindset.
Truth is, that the way you think and the ways you see things have a strong influence on how you behave.
Confident guys believe in themselves, and their behavior shows it.
When they are challenged they believe in themselves and know that they will pass this challenge. Guys that lack confidence doubt themselves in such situations and start moaning and get all whiny instead.
Even though a successfully passed challenge eventually shifts the way you think to having more confidence, this is also working the other way round.
If you start to believe more in you, you will feel and act more confident. At the beginning this may cause you some effort, but the more often you do it, the better you get at it and the better the results you will see. Once you really act and feel confident around women deeply from the inside, you will see a huge improvement in your success with women.
On top of that, you will start to value yourself a lot more as gaining confidence goes hand in hand with building self-esteem.
This is the time when everything you do around women will work ten times better than when you would have done it without this inner feeling of confidence, coolness and self-esteem.
If you don’t know how to gain confidence, stop examining yourself and let me point you in the right direction. Sign up for my free email course below and let me teach you what I have done to be more confident to naturally attract women, and how you can too. Do it now.
Just click the yellow button now, and let me show you how to feel more confident around women from today on:
„. BECAUSE IT MAKES SENSE FROM A TO Z“
I am in between internalizing your philosophy because it makes sense from A to Z and I actively want to get my love life under my control. Thanks so much!
„YOU SHOWED ME WHAT I DO WRONG“
Your mail reached me at the perfect time as I met a woman online and everything went fine until we made no more progress (. )
You showed me what I do wrong, and it worked perfect. Thanks man!
„so much happened that i could write you an entire book“
I don’t even know where to start. So much happened that I could write you an entire book and I will, with my full passion:) including typos. (. )
It is so great what do you and that you help men all over the world and get them a glimpse into how women work and what they can do to get the woman of their dreams with their own personality and without disguising themselves. (…)
„YOU DO AN OUTSTANDING JOB.“
You do an oustanding job. It’s really cool to flirt with women when you know how it will end. I have applied lots of your tips already and got a lot of success stories to tell, but to be honest after a while it gets boring when you know how it will end. The good news is that what you write works so well!
„TO BE HONEST, IT WAS AMAZING.“
Since I am following your emails, I have met several women and to be honest, it was amazing.
“You are opening my eyes really wide.”
wow wooooow! You are opening my eyes really wide.
I’m tall and handsome but I suck with women badly and to make it worse I’m a nice guy.
I cant wait for you next mail.
“It’s giving me a step ahead!”
Thanks Mark! I am really really enjoying and it’s giving me a step ahead!
You are the best teacher
How to Be Confident Around Girls: 4 Essential Things You .
There is nothing sexier than being confident and bold at all times, especially when it comes to holding up a conversation with a pretty member of the opposite sex. Everyone likes the confident aura bold people exude. They are often seen as attractive and positive. These are the people everyone wants to spend time with. But being confident is not a feat one achieves overnight; it requires both time and relentless practice. There are certain tips and tricks you can never overlook when it comes to how to be confident around girls. If you have always had the problem of lack of confidence, you need not worry as there are several tricks you can learn on how to be confident around girls.
How to Be Confident Around Girls: 4 Essential Things You Should Know
Consider Why You Can’t Be Confident
Make sure you know exactly what shyness means. There are different ways shyness can be manifested depending on the circumstances surrounding a particular individual. Knowing the very things that make you shy is one way of learning how to be confident around girls and it helps you deal with the issue of timidity whenever they happen.
Common reasons for shyness:
Hesitation to speak in public gatherings
Speaking softly or mumbling
Skipping social gatherings at will
Talking more than necessary as a result of nervousness
Dress well. Before you step out from your home, make sure you are looking your best at all times. Make sure you feel good about the way you look before you head out. It is not about wearing expensive clothes, it is about feeling good about what you wear. There is no single style that tells you how confident you are, but make sure you are wearing it well before you leave home.
Educate yourself well on those topics you are most interested in. Your ability to interact intelligibly with others on any trending topic can go a long way to boost your confidence. Make sure you know all about what is trending to enable you make meaningful contributions whenever such issues come up.
Learn how to talk in a mirror. Talking in a mirror will enable you monitor your facial expressions and know how you would respond in every given situation and conversation. Knowing what you might possibly say can go a long way to help you prepare your conversation. Smiling to yourself a number of times each day can do wonders to your confidence levels.
Feeling good about yourself can have several paths, but do not forget that an inner peace is about the most important thing you can have. Once you are satisfied with yourself from the inside, you can muster courage to approach the girl of your dreams. That low self-esteem will find its way out the moment you learn to feel very good about yourself. The moment you stop craving people’s acceptance and feel thoroughly good about who you are, you will be able to build up very strong self-esteem and engage in meaningful conversation with others. This way, others will begin to develop interest in you. This self-development may, however, take some time, but in the end, it will all be worth the time and effort. A good self-esteem has a lot of benefits to you as an individual, your profession and your relationships.
Try talking to that pretty lady like you would talk to any other woman. Every pretty lady gets lots of compliments and attention from male admirers, so if you come across as one of them, you will only make it to her friends’ list. Try to stand yourself out from the crowd of men who try to talk to her. Do not pretend to be what you are not. Pretty women get approached a lot and they can easily tell who is real and who is faking it from the first lines of the conversation.
Do not try to analyze what others say too much. Perceived perception is one major cause of shyness most times. Most people who fumble in the company of girls or in public functions do so because of their stereotyped beliefs that people see them as being extremely timid, but in reality, no one has such thoughts about them. Do not bother yourself with what people might be thinking about you because most times, they are too busy to give you any thought.
Remember These Tips
Women love a deep voice: This one is mostly on the subconscious level. Most women will easily fall for that Christian Bale in Batman kind of deep male voice. Please do not try to fake this voice if you do not have it.
With some impressive reputation in either social circles or academics, she would probably be eager to meet you. If you are some popular guy in some social circles, that would be an added advantage.
Always ensure your questions are kept neutral and nice. Asking a personal question so soon can come off as creepy.
You can also cover lots of ground with one beautiful smile. Try not to leer or wink. Grin genuinely when you are teased. Think of a good way to respond like, Oh! I already know that. I do not worry myself about cooties at all. I have gotten this year’s cootie vaccination.
Living in a world that seems to value extroverts more than introverts, many introverts struggle with confidence and grow up feeling like there’s something wrong with them.
Fortunately, once they come across the concept of introversion, as well as resources like Introvert Spring, they tend to accept their quiet nature. They become confident about who they are and get on with being introverted.
But for some introverts, the confidence issues run a little deeper. Some introverts are both introverted and shy.
The difference between shyness and introversion
Before we get into the hows of building confidence as a shy introvert, it’s important to set the record straight about the difference between introversion and shyness. While one person can be both shy and introverted, the two labels are often confused. Most introverts are not shy. The defining characteristic of a shy person is that they fear social interaction. What makes someone an introvert is that they lose energy from social interactions.
How do you build confidence as a shy introvert?
Step 1: Distinguish between your shyness and your introversion
If you’re a shy introvert and your lack of confidence is making you unhappy, your shyness is what you want to change, not your introversion. If it’s holding you back, your shyness is a challenge you’re facing, whereas your introversion is part of your personality and not something you should try to change.
Step 2: Decide to become confident
While lots of people struggle with confidence, most of us don’t make a concerted effort to build ours. Decide that becoming confident is a priority for you and realize that building confidence will require you to step outside of your comfort zone.
Step 3: Challenge yourself
Set yourself mini confidence challenges that push you to get used to doing things that you find scary. For example, you could set yourself the challenge of asking your colleague how her weekend was when you would normally just smile at her.
However, be sure to only push yourself when it’s shyness that’s holding you back. Don’t push yourself to socialize if what’s stopping you from wanting to socialize is your introversion. Ask yourself, “am I avoiding this situation because I’m scared or because I’d have a nicer time on my own?”
Step 4: Get to know yourself
In order to like yourself, you have to first know who “you” is. And while you probably know who you are on the surface, how well do you know yourself deep down? Do you understand your motivations, desires, and beliefs?
Getting to know ourselves can be a lot of fun for introverts, as it can be a solitary activity. Journaling and answering self-discovery questions.
Step 5: Find out why it’s good to be the way you are
Once you have a better understanding of who you are, you need to learn to appreciate that person. One way to do this is to work out why your personality traits and flaws suit you. Why are you glad that you have those particular traits?
You’re probably more focused on the perceived downsides to being an introvert, so find out why it’s good to be an introvert. Does being an introvert make you a better friend? Is your introversion linked to your creativity? There is usually a positive and a negative side to any personality trait, so look for the positive ones.
Being an introvert in an extroverted world can be hard enough without being struggling with shyness, too. But it is very possible to become a confident introvert. And as you accept your introversion, as well as the other parts of yourself, the confidence will come and your shyness will subside. You will become a confident introvert.
Battling her British social awkwardness, Joanna L K Moore (Jo) runs Twisted Sleeve, where she helps shy girls get the confidence they need to do whatever they dream of doing. If you struggle with confidence, check out her course, DIY Self-Esteem: How To Start Liking Yourself, which will teach you how to build self-esteem.
Shyness can truly hold people back–partly because those who are shy tend to avoid public situations and speaking up, and partly because they experience so much chronic anxiety.
If that’s you, take comfort in knowing you are far from alone–four out of 10 people consider themselves shy.
But here’s the good news: Shyness can be overcome. With time and effort and a desire to change, it’s possible to break through.
If your shyness is severe, you may need help from a therapist or counselor, but most people can overcome it on their own.
Take your first steps in getting past shyness with these 13 techniques to help you become a more confident you.
1. Don’t tell.
There’s no need to advertise your shyness. Those who are close to you already know, and others may never even have an opportunity to notice. It’s not as visible as you probably think.
2. Keep it light.
If others bring up your shyness, keep your tone casual. If it becomes part of a discussion, speak of it lightheartedly.
3. Change your tone.
If you blush when you’re uncomfortable, don’t equate it with shyness. Let it stand on its own: “I’ve always been quick to blush.”
4. Avoid the label.
Don’t label yourself as shy–or as anything. Let yourself be defined as a unique individual, not a single trait.
5. Stop self-sabotaging.
Sometimes we really are our own worst enemy. Don’t allow your inner critic to put you down. Instead, analyze the power of that voice so you can defuse it.
6. Know your strengths.
Make a list of all your positive qualities–enlist a friend or family member to help if you need to–and read or recite it when you’re feeling insecure. Let it remind you how much you have to offer.
7. Choose relationships carefully.
Shy people tend to have fewer but deeper friendships–which means your choice of friend or partner is even more important. Give your time to the people in your life who are responsive, warm, and encouraging.
8. Avoid bullies and teases.
There are always a few people who are willing to be cruel or sarcastic if it makes for a good punch line, some who just have no sense of what’s appropriate, and some who don’t care whom they hurt. Keep a healthy distance from these people.
9. Watch carefully.
Most of us are hardest on ourselves, so make a habit of observing others (without making a big deal out of it). You may find that other people are suffering from their own symptoms of insecurity and that you are not alone.
10. Remember that one bad moment doesn’t mean a bad day.
Especially when you spend a lot of time inside your own head, as shy people tend to do, it’s easy to distort experiences, to think that your shyness ruined an entire event–when chances are it wasn’t a big deal to anyone but you.
11. Shut down your imagination.
Shy people sometimes feel disapproval or rejection even when it isn’t there. People probably like you much more than you give yourself credit for.
12. Stare it down.
Sometimes when you’re scared, the best thing to do is to face it head on. If you’re frightened, just stare it down and lean into it.
13. Name it.
Make a list of all your jitters and worries. Name them, plan how you’re going to eliminate them, and move forward.
Suffering from shyness shouldn’t keep you from the success you are seeking, so try these simple tools and make them work for you–in fact, they’re good techniques to try whether you’re shy or not.