How to be flirty with your boyfriend at school

How to seduce and flirt with touch: part 1.

Do you ever wonder why some of your relationships go nowhere? Have you ever NOT felt that spark of attraction and passion and wondered why? Did you ever lose that special connection with a lover?

Many people ask me these questions and more about dating and relating. They wonder why that first kiss didn’t happen or felt weird. They wonder why that second date never happened. They wonder why things never got physical with a lover or fizzled out in the bedroom with a spouse. The answer to all of their questions and more is touch.

Look at any animal show on the Discovery channel. Animals don’t court and mate with words, drinks, and dinners. They touch, nuzzle, stroke, and lick to flirt, seduce, communicate, persuade, and mate. Beneath all the trappings of our modern dating, humans are no different. However, we often get so mixed up in talking that we forget to do what is really important. We forget how to flirt and seduce with touch!

Over the next several weeks, I will be sharing with you a series of articles on touch. I will be showing you how to attract with just a bit of touching, nuzzling, holding, and hugging. I’m going to help you see the importance of a “touch of love” and put a bit of physical contact back into your dating, relating, and mating.

Touching to Build Attraction

Let’s begin with some touching basics. Several research studies have found that touching creates liking and attraction. In other words, when you touch other people, they tend to become more attracted to you. Here are some examples:

  • Williams and Kleinke (1993) evaluated the effect of different types of mutual touch (or no touch) on randomly-paired, opposite-sex couples. Mutual touch was associated with significantly elevated heart rates in participants. Furthermore, touching increased desire, especially when it was combined with eye contact and the participant’s own romantic outlook.
  • Studies by Burgoon and associates have also found that touch leads to feelings of attraction. Burgoon, Walther, and Baesler (1992) manipulated types of touch by having students participate in a problem solving task with a research assistant posing as a fellow undergraduate. Brief touches by the assistant led to an increase in the student’s feelings of credibility, liking, and attraction towards them.
  • In two field experiments, Burgoon (1991) also established the various meanings conveyed through touch. After surveying 622 adolescents and adults, the author determined that touching conveys affection, receptivity, immediacy, and similarity, as well as dominance and informality. Furthermore, not all touch was equal in communication effect. While handholding and face touching expressed intimacy, handshaking expressed receptivity and trust. Therefore, the more intimate and personal the touch, the greater the attraction that results.

How to Attract with Touch

If you are interested in someone romantically, or in the early stages of dating, some common ways of social touching might include:

  • Hug them as a greeting and set a precedent for physical contact.
  • Sit next to them with shoulders/thighs touching, rather than across from them.
  • Pat their hands or touch their shoulders to get their attention or make a comment.
  • Take their hand or elbow to go with them to another location (e.g. moving seats, or rooms).

If you are trying to revitalize an existing intimate relationship, then you can get a bit more personal in your touching. Some examples are:

  • Make sure to REALLY kiss your lover or mate (see here). No cheap “pecks”. Kiss them often too.
  • Hug and snuggle your mate as well. Give them a hug while they cook. Cuddle with them while they watch TV. Stop reading books at opposite ends of the bed!
  • Finally, a bit of massaging goes a long way. Neck rubs, foot rubs (or other rubbing) can always be passion-inducing as well.

Conclusion

Attraction is built through touching. Plain and simple. If you don’t touch a date, lover, or mate, then attraction will not build (or fade away). So, make sure to rub your lover the right way. Find excuses, opportunities, and ways to touch as often as possible. Get comfortable with touch. and increase your ability to attract your lover.

Next week, in Part 2, I show you how touch can also be used to persuade a date or mate. See it here.

Previous Articles from The Attraction Doctor

How to be flirty with your boyfriend at school

If you think that flirting is just a tool for meeting a partner, think again: Flirting when you’re in a long-term relationship is essential. For example, I was a friend’s house the other day and I glanced into the guest bedroom and caught her parents giggling and making out a little bit. They’re both in their forties but they’ve been married since they were 19, have a daughter in her twenties, and they still flirt and hug up on each other all the time. (This wasn’t the first time I’ve accidentally caught them being hella cute.) It was a moment that gave me serious hope for the future — and reinforced my belief that flirting shouldn’t stop when you stop being single.

While that couple is one of the more recent examples I’ve seen of long term couples flirting, they’re definitely not the only ones. My parents, who have been married for 30 years, flirt all time. My grandpa flirted with my grandma right up until she succumbed to dementia, more than 60 years after they married. And while my own relationship has yet to reach the impressive length that those relationships have, I flirt shamelessly with my boyfriend of three years with the hope that it will, some day.

Flirting, as Bustle writer Lea Rose Emery pointed out in her article about flirting, reinforces your long-term relationship by reminding what you love about your partner, keeps the romantic spark alive, and gets your subconscious brain thinking about sex. But how do you flirt when you’re in a long-term relationship? Try these nine things. But first, check out the latest episode of Bustle’s Sex and Relationships podcast, I Want It That Way:

1. Give Them Compliments

I tell my boyfriend he’s sexy every time I think it, which is approximately 456 times per day. I also tell him he’s smart and that I’m so impressed with the work that he does as often as possible. It’s a good reminder for me of why I love him and it’s also a good reminder for him that I think he’s awesome.

2. Compliment Them In Front Of Other People

Another thing I try to do is compliment my boyfriend in front of and to other people. So, for example, if he walks into a room that I’m already in, I might look up, turn to the person next to me, and say “Isn’t he so handsome?” It usually makes both of them a little bit embarrassed but it also makes my boyfriend feel good — and that’s the ultimate goal.

3. Get Dressed Up For Each Other

Go out every once in a while and get done up for each other! Nothing feels better than putting a little effort into hanging out with your SO, especially when they’re doing the same.

4. Joke!

My boyfriend can make me laugh so hard that my face hurts. Joking with each other is a great way to flirt because it makes you both feel happy, obviously, and it’s also awesome for bonding. Just remember to make jokes together, not about each other because that kind can be mean and will have the opposite effect.

5. Talk About Intense Intellectual Topics

Is this just me? One of the times I feel most bonded with my boyfriend is when we get into really intense intellectual conversations. When it happens when we’re part of a bigger group — like at a bar with friends, for example — it feels like he and I are suddenly in a bubble together, throwing ideas back and forth, listening and disagreeing respectfully. For me, this is ultimate flirting.

6. Touch Them

Grab their butt! Or some other lovely, grab-able part of their body — if that’s something they’re OK with, of course. Personally, I’m a super physical person and take any opportunity to hug, kiss, and squeeze my boyfriend. When I’m feeling particularly flirty, I’ll give his butt a squeeze. Considering we both work from home, let’s just say it keeps things interesting.

7. Give A Little Kiss

A peck on the mouth or cheek or top of the head every once in a while is a great way to lightly flirt with your significant other.

8. Make Dirty Double Entendres

Oh man, I’m the queen of the double eyebrow raising dirty joke and double entendre. Like a lot of flirting, this can feel silly at times — and it totally is — but the occasional joke about that banana your partner picked up in the supermarket will make you both chuckle. And probably roll your eyes — I promise.

9. Sext It Up

I can not overemphasize the power of a good midday sext to get a your blood up when you’re in a long-term relationship. Who doesn’t like getting sexy pics of someone they love or reading what they’re going to do to you when they get home? Sext it up!

How to seduce and flirt with touch: part 1.

Do you ever wonder why some of your relationships go nowhere? Have you ever NOT felt that spark of attraction and passion and wondered why? Did you ever lose that special connection with a lover?

Many people ask me these questions and more about dating and relating. They wonder why that first kiss didn’t happen or felt weird. They wonder why that second date never happened. They wonder why things never got physical with a lover or fizzled out in the bedroom with a spouse. The answer to all of their questions and more is touch.

Look at any animal show on the Discovery channel. Animals don’t court and mate with words, drinks, and dinners. They touch, nuzzle, stroke, and lick to flirt, seduce, communicate, persuade, and mate. Beneath all the trappings of our modern dating, humans are no different. However, we often get so mixed up in talking that we forget to do what is really important. We forget how to flirt and seduce with touch!

Over the next several weeks, I will be sharing with you a series of articles on touch. I will be showing you how to attract with just a bit of touching, nuzzling, holding, and hugging. I’m going to help you see the importance of a “touch of love” and put a bit of physical contact back into your dating, relating, and mating.

Touching to Build Attraction

Let’s begin with some touching basics. Several research studies have found that touching creates liking and attraction. In other words, when you touch other people, they tend to become more attracted to you. Here are some examples:

  • Williams and Kleinke (1993) evaluated the effect of different types of mutual touch (or no touch) on randomly-paired, opposite-sex couples. Mutual touch was associated with significantly elevated heart rates in participants. Furthermore, touching increased desire, especially when it was combined with eye contact and the participant’s own romantic outlook.
  • Studies by Burgoon and associates have also found that touch leads to feelings of attraction. Burgoon, Walther, and Baesler (1992) manipulated types of touch by having students participate in a problem solving task with a research assistant posing as a fellow undergraduate. Brief touches by the assistant led to an increase in the student’s feelings of credibility, liking, and attraction towards them.
  • In two field experiments, Burgoon (1991) also established the various meanings conveyed through touch. After surveying 622 adolescents and adults, the author determined that touching conveys affection, receptivity, immediacy, and similarity, as well as dominance and informality. Furthermore, not all touch was equal in communication effect. While handholding and face touching expressed intimacy, handshaking expressed receptivity and trust. Therefore, the more intimate and personal the touch, the greater the attraction that results.

How to Attract with Touch

If you are interested in someone romantically, or in the early stages of dating, some common ways of social touching might include:

  • Hug them as a greeting and set a precedent for physical contact.
  • Sit next to them with shoulders/thighs touching, rather than across from them.
  • Pat their hands or touch their shoulders to get their attention or make a comment.
  • Take their hand or elbow to go with them to another location (e.g. moving seats, or rooms).

If you are trying to revitalize an existing intimate relationship, then you can get a bit more personal in your touching. Some examples are:

  • Make sure to REALLY kiss your lover or mate (see here). No cheap “pecks”. Kiss them often too.
  • Hug and snuggle your mate as well. Give them a hug while they cook. Cuddle with them while they watch TV. Stop reading books at opposite ends of the bed!
  • Finally, a bit of massaging goes a long way. Neck rubs, foot rubs (or other rubbing) can always be passion-inducing as well.

Conclusion

Attraction is built through touching. Plain and simple. If you don’t touch a date, lover, or mate, then attraction will not build (or fade away). So, make sure to rub your lover the right way. Find excuses, opportunities, and ways to touch as often as possible. Get comfortable with touch. and increase your ability to attract your lover.

Next week, in Part 2, I show you how touch can also be used to persuade a date or mate. See it here.

Previous Articles from The Attraction Doctor

  1. First Date Gift Ideas for Men
  2. How to Explain to Your Boyfriend That You Love Him
  3. Things to Say in a Birthday Card for a Boyfriend
  4. Gifts to Send a Long Distance Boyfriend to Let Him Know You Are Thinking About Him
  5. How to Handle an Insult From a Boyfriend

How to be flirty with your boyfriend at school

Flirting with your boyfriend keeps the romance alive in your relationship. Just because you have snagged your boyfriend doesn’t mean you should stop doing the things you once did to make him yours in the first place. You have several avenues available to you to flirt with your boyfriend, from playing romantic games to sending thoughtful messages that remind him of the love you have for him.

The Guessing Game

Flirting can be an actual game. Let your boyfriend guess what color panties you are wearing, and offer a prize — it doesn’t have to be expensive — if he guesses correctly on the first or second try. Or choose something special — a hotel room for the night or tickets to his favorite sporting event — and leave him hints. When he guesses correctly, present them to him.

Text Messaging

Send your boyfriend a flirty text message in the middle of the work day, or while he’s hanging out with his friends. You may put a smile on his face with a message that reads, “You are the sexiest man in the whole wide world,” especially if he’s having a stressful or busy work day. Don’t overdo. One or two a day is more than enough.

Love Letters

Love letters — handwritten and mailed — spice things up. There is no right or wrong way to write a love letter, notes “Huffington Post” writer Himay Zepeda. Think about what you really want to say about your relationship or about him specifically, and commit it to paper. You can remind your boyfriend of his best qualities or include romantic gestures you would like to do to him when you see him next, like wildly kissing him the moment he walks in the door or giving him a sensual massage. Go the extra mile and purchase special stationery.

Get Playful

There are all sorts of games the two of you could play, including Truth or Dare or naked Twister. Make up your own game based on interests that the two of you share, such as acting out romance scenes from your favorite movies. Have a playful pillow fight and end it with some pillow talk.

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  2. What to Do for Your Husband’s Birthday
  3. Two-Year Anniversary Gifts for a Boyfriend
  4. How to Know If a Man Cares for You
  5. How to Flirt with Your Boyfriend

How to be flirty with your boyfriend at school

Being at school doesn’t have to keep you from expressing–in a school-appropriate way–your love and affection for your boyfriend. Let him know subtly, in little ways, that you’re thinking of him and happy to call yourself his girlfriend. Just remember to follow all school rules when communicating your devotion.

In His Locker

How to be flirty with your boyfriend at school

Many guys may not admit it, but they’d love to find a sweet surprise in their locker from their girlfriend between classes. All at once, you’ll brighten his day, remind him of your love and bring a smile to his face. Depending on what your guy likes, slip a gift inside his locker when he’s away. (Ask for his key or combination beforehand and tell him you have a surprise for him.) It could be a short love note, a candy bar with a ribbon tied around it, his favorite soft drink, or–if he gets to leave campus for lunch–a small gift card for a nearby fast-food restaurant.

In Class

How to be flirty with your boyfriend at school

It can be a little challenging to be affectionate during class, but if you pay attention and get creative, it’s possible. If you’re working in groups, catch his eye now and again and give him a sweet, genuine smile or wink. If the teacher calls on him and he seems a little stuck on the answer, help him out: raise your hand and throw in your two cents to “save” him. If you’re in a group situation together, be supportive of his ideas. Passing notes can be risky, so stick to things that will build him up without breaking the rules.

At Lunch

How to be flirty with your boyfriend at school

Lunch is the time that most girlfriends want to monopolize their boyfriend’s time, but you can score points by resisting this temptation. Instead, chat with him in the lunch line and give him a compliment about his clothing or something he did in class. If he’s had a rough day so far, pay for his lunch. Then, depending on your school’s rules regarding male-female contact, give him a quick peck on the cheek or a pat on the arm and tell him to go chill with his buddies. Low-maintenance and sweet are two qualities that many guys believe make a great girlfriend. When the bell rings, walk him to class (but don’t be late to your own) and slip a short, encouraging note in his pocket.

  1. How to Get to Know the Cute Guy in Your Class
  2. How to Talk to Your Crush at School
  3. Cute Ideas to Let Your Crush Know You Like Him
  4. How to Approach a Guy You Like But Don’t Know at School
  5. Are You on a Date or Just Hanging Out?

How to be flirty with your boyfriend at school

That boring psych class is a lot more interesting when you’re crushing on a fellow classmate. Perhaps you’ve managed to snag a seat next to your crush and have even initiated a little flirting, with lots of smiles, light touches and banter. However, if you only see your crush in class, you could end up with a fun and flirty friendship that doesn’t go beyond the classroom. If you want to move things from flirting to dating your classmate crush, you have to initiate opportunities to take things to the next level.

Step 1

Strike up a conversation with your crush during class that shows your interest in him. For example, when you get a chance, ask your crush about the dog tags he wears around his neck, or tease him a little about his favorite team losing a game. Show a genuine interest in what he says, by using direct eye contact and smiling.

Step 2

Partner with your crush on a class project. As soon as your teacher or professor tells you to find a partner, ask him to partner with you before anyone else can. You could say something like, “Hey, you want to partner up?” This will give you an excuse to hang out with him one on one and get to know him a little better.

Step 3

Get the digits. If you are going to be working on a class project together, you have the perfect excuse to exchange phone numbers. You could also suggest exchanging numbers to set up a study date or compare notes.

Step 4

Flirt through texting. Once you’ve got the phone number, casually flirt through texts, perhaps mentioning your teacher’s lame attempt at a joke or ask how studying is going. The right text, sent when you and your crush are getting to know one another, can pique his interest in you, suggests Olivia Baniuszewicz, co-author of “Flirtexting: How to Text Your Way to His Heart.”

Step 5

Ask your crush out in a casual way. Wait to get him alone and casually bring up hanging out together. You could ask him to go see a band with you that you both like or hit up that hip new burger spot to see what all the fuss is about. That way, it doesn’t feel like a high-pressure date situation but more like two acquaintances getting to know each other. If he says yes, it’s a good sign that your casual date could turn into something more.

Step 6

Don’t be discouraged if your crush turns you down the first time you ask him out. He may just not have the time. However, if you ask again another time and he turns you down, take it as a sign that he is not interested in more than casual classroom flirting. If he is, he will ask you out.

If there is a certain guy that catches you eye and you’re in middle school, here are some fun ways to get his attention and see if he likes you back! Remember, it’s important that you hang out with him in groups with other friends so you can see if he’s nice and if his friends are nice. While you’re not going to have a serious boyfriend in middle school, you still may develop a crush and it’s ok to be friends with them.


Don’t worry if you’re kind of shy, you don’t have to do anything scary to get a guy to notice you. If you’re not the most outgoing person in school, you will make friends with guys who don’t want to hang out with the loud girls. Also, remember to listen to him when you guys are chatting because no one wants to just hear about the other person all the time. The best way to talk to a guy is to ask him questions about what he likes and give him a few nice compliments too!

Have Fun Being Stylish

How to be flirty with your boyfriend at school

You can have fun being a girl by wearing fun colors and changing your hair style. Guys aren’t impressed by way too much makeup so don’t worry about begging your mom to buy you some. Accessories can be fun though! Just be yourself and if you feel fabulous, a guy will probably notice you.

Invite Him To A School Sports Game

See if he’s going to a game and tell him to find you at the game. You will be able to talk to him during the game but it won’t be too awkward in case you don’t have anything to say since there’s a game going on. If you’re too nervous to invite him, go with your friends and you can all sit together.

Write Him Notes

How to be flirty with your boyfriend at school

Even though lots of kids are carrying cell phones these days, a fun note can still get his attention. You can give it to him yourself or have a friend you trust pass it to him. Just make sure you don’t pass notes in class and get him in trouble!

Give Him Your Phone Number

How to be flirty with your boyfriend at school

Not everyone in middle school has a phone but it is pretty common now. If you don’t have a cell phone you can give him your home number so he can call you. If you both have cell phones you may also be able to text. Let him text or call you first so you can tell if he’s interested! Let him show you he likes you so you will feel more sure about it.

Sit By Him When You Can

Whether it’s at lunch, during class, on the bus, or at a sports game, you can offer him a spot next to you. Say it with a smile and if he’s shy he might not take it but that’s ok. You can also save him a seat when you can which will give him the hint that you like him.

Ask Him What His Favorite Movies Are

If you don’t know what to talk about you can always ask him what his favorite movies are. You could even tell him which celebrity he reminds you of. Who knows, maybe you or one of your friends can have a group over to watch a movie and you can invite him! Movies are always fun and will make good memories. You can share your popcorn with him too!

Invite Him To Your Birthday or Holiday Parties

Birthday parties can be a lot of fun and so can Halloween or Christmas parties. If you are having a party, make sure you invite him and wear something you really like! When you feel comfortable, you will be more laid back around him and he won’t feel like you’re being fake. It’s pretty easy to tell when someone’s being fake and if he doesn’t like the real you, it’s just not a great match. Don’t take it personal.

Ask Him To Play A Sport With You After School

If you know he plays basketball, ask him if he wants to play at a park after school. Try not to beat him terribly if you’re better than him. Just play to have fun not to make him feel bad about himself.

Go Swimming

How to be flirty with your boyfriend at school

If it’s warm out and you know of a good place to go swimming, ask him if he wants to go. Maybe it’s an indoor pool with a diving board which would also be fun!

Bake For Him

If you ask him what his favorite dessert is, you can surprise him and make it for him! They say the way to a boys heart is through his stomach and he will get the hint that you like him when you do something nice for him.

Cheer Him On At His Game

How to be flirty with your boyfriend at school

If he plays a sport, maybe ask a few friends to go to the game with you and cheer him on. You can make a sign for the team and wear the team’s colors. If he doesn’t play sports, maybe you can see a play he is in or invite him to see a school play with you. But Don’t go over the top with cheering for him so he feels embarrassed!

Make Him Art

You can make him something sentimental that he can keep in his room. Maybe try painting, drawing or painting ceramics. You could make a heart or something that will remind him to smile and be happy.

Always Have a Smile

How to be flirty with your boyfriend at school

Guys like to be around happy girls because they enjoy their company. If you like to tell jokes or just goof around that’s great. Try to be as happy as you can and don’t bring up things you are sad about or complain about ANYTHING. You also shouldn’t talk bad about other people to him because that just makes you look like a gossiper! Talk about what you love and what you’re grateful for.

Let Him Come To You

How to be flirty with your boyfriend at school

Guys don’t need to be chased and often they like to feel like they’re fighting for you. You don’t have to start all the conversations. Maybe give him a smile or make sure he knows you’re looking at him and let him approach you. If he likes you, he will! If he doesn’t like you that’s ok, he’s not the only boy you will have a crush on, you’re only in middle school.

Remember, you’re not in any rush to have a boyfriend but it’s totally fine to have a crush on someone. You can talk to your parents about him so they know what’s going on in your life and maybe they will help you get to see him outside of school too. Every parents has their own rules about what age is appropriate for a girl to have a boyfriend so make sure you talk to them about it. In the mean time, just be a great friend and be as nice as you can! You have a great life ahead of you and while you’re in middle school just focus on having fun, being a good friend and being a good student. If a guy doesn’t like you back, don’t worry about it, there are plenty more!

  1. How to Cheer a Guy Up
  2. What to Do for Your Husband’s Birthday
  3. Two-Year Anniversary Gifts for a Boyfriend
  4. How to Know If a Man Cares for You
  5. How to Flirt with Your Boyfriend

How to be flirty with your boyfriend at school

Being at school doesn’t have to keep you from expressing–in a school-appropriate way–your love and affection for your boyfriend. Let him know subtly, in little ways, that you’re thinking of him and happy to call yourself his girlfriend. Just remember to follow all school rules when communicating your devotion.

In His Locker

How to be flirty with your boyfriend at school

Many guys may not admit it, but they’d love to find a sweet surprise in their locker from their girlfriend between classes. All at once, you’ll brighten his day, remind him of your love and bring a smile to his face. Depending on what your guy likes, slip a gift inside his locker when he’s away. (Ask for his key or combination beforehand and tell him you have a surprise for him.) It could be a short love note, a candy bar with a ribbon tied around it, his favorite soft drink, or–if he gets to leave campus for lunch–a small gift card for a nearby fast-food restaurant.

In Class

How to be flirty with your boyfriend at school

It can be a little challenging to be affectionate during class, but if you pay attention and get creative, it’s possible. If you’re working in groups, catch his eye now and again and give him a sweet, genuine smile or wink. If the teacher calls on him and he seems a little stuck on the answer, help him out: raise your hand and throw in your two cents to “save” him. If you’re in a group situation together, be supportive of his ideas. Passing notes can be risky, so stick to things that will build him up without breaking the rules.

At Lunch

How to be flirty with your boyfriend at school

Lunch is the time that most girlfriends want to monopolize their boyfriend’s time, but you can score points by resisting this temptation. Instead, chat with him in the lunch line and give him a compliment about his clothing or something he did in class. If he’s had a rough day so far, pay for his lunch. Then, depending on your school’s rules regarding male-female contact, give him a quick peck on the cheek or a pat on the arm and tell him to go chill with his buddies. Low-maintenance and sweet are two qualities that many guys believe make a great girlfriend. When the bell rings, walk him to class (but don’t be late to your own) and slip a short, encouraging note in his pocket.