How to be genuine

How to be genuine

In this world of the facade, you are a genuine person with high moral values. Our world is inhabited by people, good and bad. It’s not easy to determine people who are truly genuine because most of the times, people fake.

“When we come from an authentic, genuine place in ourselves, our efforts to connect with people work to their fullest. Our relationships develop more easily and last longer, and we feel better about the people” ― Michelle Tillis Lederman, 11 Laws of Likability.

In this harsh, cruel world, there are very few people who brew kindness and love. Genuine people are rare to find. With their presence, their love and deeds, genuine people render beauty to this world. What makes a person genuine?

Well, these 16 characteristics can help us identify genuine people:

1. They are kind to everyone, friends and strangers alike:

It doesn’t matter whether they know the person or not. They are kind by nature and are there for anyone who needs help, be it a random stranger whom they met while travelling or a friend who hasn’t been in touch for long.

2. They have patience:

No matter how fast the world is moving, authentic people understand the value of patience. Even in toughest of times, they don’t lose hold of themselves and wait patiently for the time to heal things. They are calm and composed which also encourages others around you to retain their integrity.

3. They are committed to working:

Work is of primary importance to them in life. If they commit to anything, they will finish the work before taking up new projects. Also, their decisions are not based on their egos. They don’t want admiration or validation from people, so they simply do what needs to be done.

4. They are honest and trustworthy:

Authentic people have a good sense of morality. They are honest and people can trust them always. People count on genuine people with their secrets and feel secured with them. They can speak their mind and never feel shy to share their thoughts or perspectives about a subject. They don’t forcefully convince others but understand that their opinions count.

5. They seek justice for everyone:

They know the purpose of their lives and believe in inequality. Also, they cannot tolerate any wrong and even if they are not the victim themselves, they would not think twice before raising their voice for giving justice to the victim.

6. They respect everyone:

Genuine people have high respect for everyone irrespective of their age and profession. It comes naturally to them and even if people disrespect, they do not retaliate.

7. They remain sincere even when times are hard:

They might be in extremely difficult situations where they can escape by lying or dishonesty but they would never do that. They will try their best to get out of the situation by working hard. They never feel insecure and inferior. Instead always confident about their lifestyle and decisions.

8. They do not entertain drama at any cost:

Authentic people don’t practice melodramas in life, neither entertain them. As responsible adults, they hate complications. And try to solve problems in a very logical manner and avoid people who enjoy creating scenes. They are thick-skinned so they don’t make fish out of everything. They don’t take criticism as personal attack or insult. And can leave unnecessary stuff without developing hard feelings.

9. They are not biased:

They might have people they love but are not biased with them. These people always give equal opportunities to everyone. And behave with people in the way they deserve.

Genuine people live true to themselves. Researchers Michael Kernis and Brian Goldman define authenticity as “The unimpeded operation of one’s true or core self in daily enterprise.”

Authenticity stands in contrast to the “fake it until you make it” philosophy or the “act like others expect you to” way of fitting in. Is it your best option to be authentic or genuine in the workplace?

The truth is, people recognize a fake. Customers, co-workers and bosses feel the insincerity on a conscious or unconscious level. Can’t you tell the difference between a pasted on smile and a genuine smile? People create a dissonance when their words or actions are not genuine.

In contrast, a genuine person is easier to work with, considered more trustworthy, and more likeable. Here’s why.

  1. High self-esteem. Authentic people exhibit confidence in themselves. Because they feel okay about themselves they are less likely to be defensive or to take offense. They are able to minimize self-criticism. They respond better to criticism and often see it as an opportunity to improve rather than being devastated by it.
  1. More relaxed and comfortable. Genuine people can more easily focus on others or the task at hand because they are less focused on themselves. People who “fake it” must exercise effort to watch their words and actions. It takes extra self-control so the “real you” doesn’t slip out.
  1. Grounded in self-values. People who are genuine take time to think about how they view life, their values, and the situations they face. Once they’ve arrived at those values, they are less likely to be swept along by public tide. They are less distracted from their purpose and more open to thoughtful reason.
  1. Easily share thoughts and opinions. They more freely share ideas and suggestions with others when appropriate, and are less likely to fear disagreement. Because they are grounded in self-understanding, they can discuss and share with less need for the thrill of victory or the agony of defeat.
  1. More giving. Genuine people feel free to give from the heart. Whether it’s a complement, a gift, charitable contribution or extra help at work, it’s done from a desire to give and be productive, not to burden others with expectations.
  1. Accept strengths and weaknesses. No one is perfect. Genuine people don’t try to pretend they— or anyone else— are perfect. They know their strengths and weaknesses. They may not be satisfied with those weaknesses and may seek to strengthen them. But they don’t try to cover them up. They also exhibit patience with others’ shortcomings, understanding this is a part of life.
  1. Accept responsibility. In like manner, they take responsibility for their actions. If they did well, they accept that. They don’t minimize it or downplay it. If they made a mistake, they don’t try to cover it up. They admit it and try to fix it.
  1. Clear intentions. Authentic people are clear and open with their communications and actions. People know where they stand and don’t need to waste time looking for the hidden meanings or ulterior motives. Genuine people are easier to work with.

It’s worth the effort to cultivate traits that free you to become authentic. Studies show genuine people are more likely to be liked and trusted. They are more likely to be given a chance even if they don’t quite measure up, because they appear teachable. Wouldn’t you prefer to be genuine and have authentic people around you?

Joel Garfinkle is available for speaking and training. His most popular training program for corporations is “Executive Presence: Learn the 4 Ways to Convey Confidence as a Business Leader,” which has been delivered to Oracle, Genentech, PG&E. He is the author of 300 articles on leadership and nine books, including “Getting Ahead: Three Steps to Take Your Career to the Next Level.” Garfinkle is acknowledged as one of the top 50 executive coaches in the U.S and Global Gurus listed him 14th on the list of top 30 global coaching experts. More than 10,000 people subscribe to his [email protected] newsletter. Subscribe and you’ll receive the free e-book “41 Proven Strategies to Get Promoted Now!”

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How to be genuine

In this world of the facade, you are a genuine person with high moral values. Our world is inhabited by people, good and bad. It’s not easy to determine people who are truly genuine because most of the times, people fake.

“When we come from an authentic, genuine place in ourselves, our efforts to connect with people work to their fullest. Our relationships develop more easily and last longer, and we feel better about the people” ― Michelle Tillis Lederman, 11 Laws of Likability.

In this harsh, cruel world, there are very few people who brew kindness and love. Genuine people are rare to find. With their presence, their love and deeds, genuine people render beauty to this world. What makes a person genuine?

Well, these 16 characteristics can help us identify genuine people:

1. They are kind to everyone, friends and strangers alike:

It doesn’t matter whether they know the person or not. They are kind by nature and are there for anyone who needs help, be it a random stranger whom they met while travelling or a friend who hasn’t been in touch for long.

2. They have patience:

No matter how fast the world is moving, authentic people understand the value of patience. Even in toughest of times, they don’t lose hold of themselves and wait patiently for the time to heal things. They are calm and composed which also encourages others around you to retain their integrity.

3. They are committed to working:

Work is of primary importance to them in life. If they commit to anything, they will finish the work before taking up new projects. Also, their decisions are not based on their egos. They don’t want admiration or validation from people, so they simply do what needs to be done.

4. They are honest and trustworthy:

Authentic people have a good sense of morality. They are honest and people can trust them always. People count on genuine people with their secrets and feel secured with them. They can speak their mind and never feel shy to share their thoughts or perspectives about a subject. They don’t forcefully convince others but understand that their opinions count.

5. They seek justice for everyone:

They know the purpose of their lives and believe in inequality. Also, they cannot tolerate any wrong and even if they are not the victim themselves, they would not think twice before raising their voice for giving justice to the victim.

6. They respect everyone:

Genuine people have high respect for everyone irrespective of their age and profession. It comes naturally to them and even if people disrespect, they do not retaliate.

7. They remain sincere even when times are hard:

They might be in extremely difficult situations where they can escape by lying or dishonesty but they would never do that. They will try their best to get out of the situation by working hard. They never feel insecure and inferior. Instead always confident about their lifestyle and decisions.

8. They do not entertain drama at any cost:

Authentic people don’t practice melodramas in life, neither entertain them. As responsible adults, they hate complications. And try to solve problems in a very logical manner and avoid people who enjoy creating scenes. They are thick-skinned so they don’t make fish out of everything. They don’t take criticism as personal attack or insult. And can leave unnecessary stuff without developing hard feelings.

9. They are not biased:

They might have people they love but are not biased with them. These people always give equal opportunities to everyone. And behave with people in the way they deserve.

What makes genuine people different from the others?

It’s not uncommon to hear someone being derogatorily called a phony or a fake, but more often than not such labels seem to only be reserved for people whose perspective of being genuine differs from ours.

Even if you do come across people who constantly go out of their way to present a modified and embellished image of themselves, you should refrain from instantly dismissing them as a construct of their fancies as opposed to one made up of honest beliefs, principles and convictions.

Sadly, the world we have haphazardly forged for ourselves insists on disassociation from oneself from the earliest days of our sojourn in it; from forcing you to drown out the majority of instincts you were born with to imposing a myriad of cultural, sociological or ethical norms, that you will either adhere to or be dubbed an outcast and treated as one.

When you combine this with the fact that a lot of what is to become our personality is formed while we are still too young to actually have a deeper understanding of the consequences of our choices and decisions, blaming someone for their desire to present themselves in a more favorable light than is perhaps warranted can be somewhat callous.

The list of documented and, if not justifiable than at least understandable, ways in which we delude ourselves might seem demoralizing to those wishing to attain absolute honesty with oneself and the world surrounding them, but luckily there are also lists which help you do just that by pointing out traits common to genuine people. Here’s one of them.

1. Genuine People Appreciate Approval But Don’t Subsist on It

Being genuine doesn’t mean being completely oblivious to how your surroundings react to you, it simply means not letting those reactions define everything you are or do. While you might think that the best way to only listen to yourself is to tune out everyone else, this is a dangerous path to take. Even the most sincere and realistic person is subject to self-deception.

From Dunning–Kruger effect to a host of other biases and inherent or acquired reasoning fallacies, being objective about yourself is not a simple matter of choice. In order to create a complete portrait of yourself, you need to consider what you look like from the third perspective.

Needless to say, you won’t assign the same weight to everyone’s opinion, nor will you base your appreciation of their input or advice just on how much what they saying corresponds to what you are already thinking or feeling.

In general, you should listen to people whose honesty and integrity you respect, especially if they are known for not pulling any punches. In this case, harsh truths may just be the most useful kind.

2. Genuine People Are Not Afraid to Admit a Failure or Vulnerability

As deluded or ambitious as we may get when thinking about ourselves, there are not too many people out there who think that they are or that they should be absolutely perfect in each and every aspect of their existence.

If you have an iota of realism in you, you’ll acknowledge your imperfections, and if you truly are genuine, you won’t focus more energy on hiding them than you will on trying to polish them out of your personality.

3. Genuine People Are Confident But Not Boastful or Narcissistic

Being proud of your accomplishments or even some of your character traits is by no means a bad thing. As a matter of fact, recognizing your qualities is just as important as being aware of your imperfections.

However, serving as your own marketing agency is not something that people who are truly confident will do. Letting your actions speak for you is always preferable to you constantly speaking about your actions. This is not to say that you should ever come close to false modesty, as that is just another form of being disingenuous.

4. Genuine People Are Not Ashamed to Express Their Opinion

Being genuine doesn’t have to mean that you are always right or that all of your opinions are perfect. If the strength of your convictions forces you to fight for them, as unpopular as they may be, you might accumulate a host of other negative labels, but no one will be able to call you a phony in good conscience.

Naturally, you don’t need to approach this dogmatically. You might, for instance, believe that cats are a superfluous life form and that they only exist to annoy people and destroy cushions, but you don’t exactly need to offer this piece of insight to your friend whose cat has just died.

Remember, there’s being genuine and there’s being a genuine piece of work.

5. Genuine People Stick to Their Word

Genuine people make genuine promises. They won’t accept an obligation just to appease someone or to seem nicer than they are.

Again, this is to be taken with a grain of salt, as there is always the possibility that circumstances won’t allow for the desired resolution, even though the promise might have been made in good faith and with realistic expectations and appreciation of the situation.

Conclusion

Even long before social networks and a general increase in connectivity enabled us to expose every segment of our life to a worldwide audience, people found it all too easy and appealing to obfuscate some parts of their personality and accentuate other. Even if you have a dislike for that kind of behavior, condemning it without considering their reasons for doing so might be rash.

Finding your true self isn’t easy for anyone, sticking to who you think you are can be infinitely more difficult. But ultimately, most of us realize that satisfying everyone’s standards is not only unnecessary, it is quite impossible.

The sooner you realize that the only one who you really need to impress is yourself, the sooner will you develop into a person that actually has something to offer to others.

How to be genuine

“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.” – Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People

I don’t care what your goals, industry or interests are, there’s no getting around it: Personal relationships run the world. But why is it that some people seem to build instant rapport with most anyone they come across, while others are left with a network of one?

Over the past few years, I’ve conducted a study of exactly what sets these people apart. Turns out, the results are more simple, and more powerful, than you’d think. And they led me to interactions and connections with world-class CEOs, best-selling authors, professional athletes and other seemingly untouchable folks, including Tony Robbins and Warren Buffett.

Regardless of status or fame, people are people. And the 7 pillars of making a connection with another person are always the same — whether applied to your next-door neighbor, one of the world’s biggest celebrities or even the cute girl sitting at the bar:

    Be genuine. The only connections that work will be the ones that you truly care about; the world will see through anything short of that. If you don’t have a genuine interest in the person with whom you’re trying to connect, then stop trying.

It all comes back to helping others. If you spent 100 percent of your waking hours thinking about how you can help absolutely everyone you come in contact with — from the woman who makes your latte, to the top authority in your industry — you will find everything else tends to take care of itself. The world will suddenly be in your corner.

Courtesy of YEC

Scott Dinsmore is the founder of Live Your Legend, a coaching and digital product company helping people build a career around work they love. He’s also a Managing Partner at Cumbre Capital, a value investment partnership modeled after the Buffett Partnerships of the 50’s and 60’s. Scott loves a good adventure.

The Young Entrepreneur Council (YEC) is an invite-only nonprofit organization comprised of the world’s most promising young entrepreneurs. The YEC leads #FixYoungAmerica, a solutions-based movement that aims to end youth unemployment and put young Americans back to work.

How to be genuine

Young Entrepreneur Council (YEC) is an invitation-only, fee-based organization comprised of the world’s most successful entrepreneurs 45 and younger. YEC members…

How to be genuine

Finding a group of peers with whom you can truly talk and be yourself is tough in business. You want to ensure that the people you surround yourself with will truly have your back though good times and bad. These 10 behaviors of genuine people can help you determine if someone is trying to take advantage of you–or if the person is a real friend.

1. They place meaning over money.

Genuine people have a firm understanding that money is not a measure of anyone’s worth but rather is a tool meant to help people pursue their dreams.

2. They value themselves.

Don’t think that the first trait of genuine people means you can get away with cutting them out of a deal. Genuine people truly care about others because they truly care about themselves. So while a genuine person is willing to struggle financially with you for the greater good, that person is also going to insist on being part of the boon he or she helped create.

3. They have great intuition.

Intuition is simply a recognition of patterns, and genuine people have learned to dodge the pitfalls of phoniness by observing how others behave. This practice allows them to have a finely tuned understanding of what choices are good and not so good.

4. They diffuse drama–or avoid it altogether.

Genuine people tend to have higher self-confidence because they put their energy into their heart’s desires. Since most drama stems from a lack of self-worth, genuine people don’t play a big part in the theatrics.

5. They take responsibility for their mistakes.

The blame game isn’t fun for honest folks because they know it doesn’t solve any underlying issues. Trustworthy people take responsibility for themselves because they don’t want to repeat their mistakes. Instead, they enjoy exploring how they can do better.

6. They’re always learning.

This love of learning extends to what’s happening in the outside world as well. Genuine people are always reading, studying, or having experiences that help them grow and stretch their understanding of life and those around them.

7. They have little tolerance for fakery in others.

If you know someone who is willing to teeter on the edge of insubordination to help you stay true to yourself, keep him or her as part of your tribe. Genuine people won’t always tell you what you want to hear–but they’ll definitely tell you what you need to hear.

8. They’re courageous.

This is not the kind of courage that’s in-your-face. Genuine people won’t necessarily be the first to volunteer at the bungee-jump platform for instance–but they’ll be there for you if the rope breaks.

9. They talk an inordinate amount about their kids and pets.

This is because genuine people like to surround themselves with their own kind.

10. They laugh every day.

Genuine people have as many bad days as their less-than-sincere brethren. Yet they also have a deep-seated happiness that comes from staying true to themselves. This happiness tends to escape from them in the form of yucking it up with friends, co-workers, and anybody else who wants to join in the joy.

Figuring out if someone has a majority of these traits can take time, but it’s well worth the effort. The loyalty and enthusiasm that genuine people bring to the table helps foster an atmosphere of caring and creativity that simply can’t be bought. As Anuj Somany points out: “The best way to judge the worth of a person’s wealth is to count the number of genuine people he has got in his network.”

How to be genuine

“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.” – Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People

I don’t care what your goals, industry or interests are, there’s no getting around it: Personal relationships run the world. But why is it that some people seem to build instant rapport with most anyone they come across, while others are left with a network of one?

Over the past few years, I’ve conducted a study of exactly what sets these people apart. Turns out, the results are more simple, and more powerful, than you’d think. And they led me to interactions and connections with world-class CEOs, best-selling authors, professional athletes and other seemingly untouchable folks, including Tony Robbins and Warren Buffett.

Regardless of status or fame, people are people. And the 7 pillars of making a connection with another person are always the same — whether applied to your next-door neighbor, one of the world’s biggest celebrities or even the cute girl sitting at the bar:

    Be genuine. The only connections that work will be the ones that you truly care about; the world will see through anything short of that. If you don’t have a genuine interest in the person with whom you’re trying to connect, then stop trying.

It all comes back to helping others. If you spent 100 percent of your waking hours thinking about how you can help absolutely everyone you come in contact with — from the woman who makes your latte, to the top authority in your industry — you will find everything else tends to take care of itself. The world will suddenly be in your corner.

Courtesy of YEC

Scott Dinsmore is the founder of Live Your Legend, a coaching and digital product company helping people build a career around work they love. He’s also a Managing Partner at Cumbre Capital, a value investment partnership modeled after the Buffett Partnerships of the 50’s and 60’s. Scott loves a good adventure.

The Young Entrepreneur Council (YEC) is an invite-only nonprofit organization comprised of the world’s most promising young entrepreneurs. The YEC leads #FixYoungAmerica, a solutions-based movement that aims to end youth unemployment and put young Americans back to work.

How to be genuine

Young Entrepreneur Council (YEC) is an invitation-only, fee-based organization comprised of the world’s most successful entrepreneurs 45 and younger. YEC members…

How to be genuine

“To be authentic, we must cultivate the courage to be imperfect — and vulnerable. We have to believe that we are fundamentally worthy of love and acceptance, just as we are. I’ve learned that there is no better way to invite more grace, gratitude and joy into our lives than by mindfully practicing authenticity.”— Brené Brown

Authenticity is about presence, living in the moment with conviction and confidence and staying true to yourself. An authentic person puts the people around them at ease, like a comforting, old friend who welcomes us in and makes us feel at home.

There’s never any doubt or questioning the integrity of an authentic individual. Their behavior, in terms of ethics and morals, is as predictable as snow during wintertime in Minnesota. You know what you’re going to get.

Authenticity has faced something of a public relations crisis in recent times. It seems the word has lost meaning because it’s now ubiquitous in business, on personal blogs and even in style magazines. Everyone wants to be authentic. Though the people who preach its virtue often don’t understand exactly what the word means.

“not false or copied; genuine; real.” And, my favorite definition, “representing one’s true nature or beliefs; true to oneself or to the person identified.”

What many of us realize is, when we’re looking to build relationships in life, we want grow and learn from people of values. This means we identify and desire to find people who are honest, trustworthy and kind. On this path, we find that we don’t have time for those who don’t deal in the truth. Phoniness is a human characteristic that can be sensed from miles away.

We want to avoid it at all costs!

As an author and executive coach, I know in order to become more authentic and to seek this out in others, we first need to be open-minded. We attract the people and things we want in life when we’re open-minded and receptive. This often leads to opportunities and new ways of thinking that expand our minds and bring us ideas that add value to our lives.

I thought I’d apply my experience in the business world, from working with key-decision makers at Fortune 500 companies and top government organizations, and blend my personal experience of building relationships in coaching, to help better explain the qualities that make up authenticity.

We desire authenticity for ourselves and we want to know that people we invite into our lives hold this virtue in high regard, as well.

“ Be yourself, everyone else is already taken.” — Oscar Wilde

The time-tested advice of “Be Yourself” stands for a reason. It’s probably the best advice you will ever receive. Simple, cliché. Maybe. But as true as ever. What I add to this valuable knowledge is this: Be true to yourself means that you are an honest, trustworthy person who lives by a code of morals and values. Be true to yourself is fundamental to living a life of integrity.

Think about it — if you sign up to help out at your local animal shelter, then make sure you’re there at precisely 9am on Saturday morning! Don’t let those puppies down! Your duty to your obligations and your fulfillment of them becomes your character.

Authentic people are high-character individuals who don’t just “talk the talk,” they also “walk the walk.” Which means, they back up their positive, empowering words with actions that benefit themselves and others. Be true to yourself and do what you say you’re going to do.

“Authenticity is very important — be true to one’s self.” — Laila Ali

Authentic people are deep thinkers who generate thought power from within, and transpose it outward to add value to the lives of others. My first boss in management consulting was a very kind, humble man who always put others first. The more I spoke to him, the more I realized how introspective he was. He was conscious of his thoughts and actions — how he treated his staff.

To act in an authentic manner, we must first give deep thought to what it is that we want to do. This requires keen emotional intelligence, which is partially comprised of the ever-powerful trait of self-awareness. Be mindful of your thoughts. Be careful of how your actions influence others. Act with good intentions and motives and you’ll be admired for your authenticity.

“Three things in human life are important. The first is to be kind. The second is to be kind. And the third is to be kind.” — Henry James

How do you feel when someone treats you like garbage? Don’t worry, that question is rhetorical! We all feel terrible when we are disrespected and even violated. Hopefully, this emotion stirs up a desire within us to act with kindness and love and not reciprocate hurtful actions.

Be kind to those around you. Watch how radically your life begins to change. For one thing, the simple act of being kind does boost your happiness — even if slightly. But don’t take my word for it. Take the word of this University of Oxford scientist, Dr. Oliver Scott Curry:

“People do indeed derive satisfaction from helping others. This is probably because we genuinely care about others’ welfare, and because random acts of kindness are a good way of making new friends, and kick-starting supportive social relationships.”

“What day is it?”
It’s today,” squeaked Piglet.
My favorite day,” said Pooh.” — A.A. Milne

There’s nothing more real than a person who lives in the moment without worry or concern for needless matters. Who do you know that truly embraces the moment? Someone who doesn’t bother checking their smartphone every five seconds to worry about an email from Instagram or some trivial matter? A teacher who left a huge impression on you because of their devotion to their students?

Living in the moment means concentrating on exactly what is happening in your life at that precise time. It demands that we remove the baggage and clutter from our lives to live our best in the moment. Presence and concern for right now are achieved when we eliminate distractions. Like junk email!

Being a great listener is not just suited for conversations with our loved ones or business partners. It’s also about listening to the very important voice inside our heads. Listen to your intuition. Do what your heart is telling you to do. That’s what an authentic person does.

“Open your eyes to the beauty around you, open your mind to the wonders of life, open your heart to those who love you, and always be true to yourself.” — Donna Davis

Open-mindedness is built on trust, faith and an acceptance of a call to action in our lives. Open-mindedness is the antithesis of anxiety, stress and intolerance. It means that we are fair-minded and willing to entertain new thoughts, ideas and people, and all they bring to the fore.

Every authentic person I’ve met is someone that is open to new ideas. They may live by a code of values and morals that remain constant, but when it comes to opinions, people and events, they’re always open to listening. Authenticity asks that we judge free of bias. That we’re honest brokers who are impartial in all affairs.

We may not think we care much about Roman history but a course on that subject may forever change our world view. It did mine.

Go forward and live an authentic life today. Watch as your thoughts, words and actions change and influence the world around you in a bolder, more positive way!