Insecurity can be a pretty tough thing to define in human psychology, because it’s created from a lot of different elements: social anxiety, depressive tendencies, negative thought patterns, and an inability to feel safe can all combine to make us feel insecure. Fundamentally, though, insecurity is the expression of low self-esteem, a fundamental lack of belief in the safety and nourishment of your own self-worth. We most often hear about insecurity in the context of relationships, where it can wreak havoc вЂ” because insecure people find it incredibly difficult to rely upon and relax into anybody else’s love, and constantly fear its disappearance. But it can also pop up in virtually any part of a person’s life, from employment to friendship to body image. So how can you help a friend suffering from a seriously crippled sense of self-esteem?
First of all, you are not their primary source of security. Insecure people need to be able to call on their own worth; relying on others to supply it for them won’t help them in the long run. So you need to find ways of being supportive that help them to develop that sense of self-worth, not attempt to replace it. Tricky? Yes. But it can be done. I speak as a person who has fits of insecurity so bad they’ve led to severe isolation and insomnia: this is not a picnic, and we appreciate a bit of a helping hand.
Here are nine ways in which you can help a friend suffering from crippling insecurity. Bringing them flowers is a start, and a hug’s always a good finish, too.
1. Don’t Tell Them They’re Wrong
“What are you talking about? You’re so skinny/smart/successful!” may seem like a valid or kind response, but what an insecure person will hear is: “Not only are you a failure at XYZ, nobody believes you.” Validation of feelings is important; it’s OK for them to feel this way, and it’s important for them to know that you’re hearing them, even if you believe the thoughts are coming from an irrational place and spiraling into fear. There’s a difference between noticing feelings and completely shutting them down.
2. Rely On Evidence
The best way to encourage somebody to feel better about an insecure situation is to give them concrete evidence of their own worth. Get them to remind themselves of the times when they have felt better about their own life, whether it’s sporting achievements, photographs, great grades or whatever else. Chances are that these are the reassurances that will really strike home, because they’re objective. Subjective stuff can be very easily dismissed in a fit of insecurity.
3. Don’t Say You’re Envious Of Them
“Are you kidding? I’d love to be in your position” may also seem like the most flattering way to deal with a person’s insecure feelings. But again, it’s adding your perspective in a way that’s not necessarily helpful. Making them aware that you envy them or that they make you insecure will likely only create more complicated, self-critical feelings in their insecurity cycle. Being the cause of somebody else’s worries is rarely the cure to your own.
4. Help Them Find The Roots Of Their Insecurity
If they have a therapist, encourage them to talk about this with them. If not, ask gently what they think makes them feel this way вЂ” because insecurity doesn’t come from a vacuum. It’s often focused around something that has been drilled into us as a weakness or a point of serious importance since we were very small: our academic achievement, beauty, job performance, relationship stability, popularity, whatever. Sometimes insecurity isn’t about how we feel now, but a repetition of how we felt once in our past. However, this is a method best practiced with a mental health professional; if your friend responds well to your tentative discussion of this issue, it might be a good jumping off point to talk to them about getting into therapy.
5. Reassure Constructively
So how can you give somebody with insecurity a bolstering, supportive reaction? Reassurance is a tricky thing. Make sure you don’t become their “provider”: insecurity and reassurance can then become a pattern, where you become the person who boosts them over and over again, and expend emotional energy on that support. Instead, make it clear that you want them to feel better long-term. Ask what practical things you can do together to make them feel more worthwhile, or distract them with stuff that will help with their self-care and get them out of the cycle of negative thought.
6. Give Them An Object To Come Back To
A tangible testament of worth is, to a person prone to fits of insecurity, a pretty good talisman. If you want to get a friend out of the reassurance-insecurity pattern, provide them with something that lasts and can be referred to whenever they’re feeling unloved or unworthy вЂ” a card, a letter, an emailed list of their best qualities. It’s easy and supportive and doesn’t require you to exhaust yourself repeatedly.
7. Realize That Even High Achievers Feel Like This
It may be mystifying when a scholarship winner or the most beautiful woman you know confides in you that they feel horribly uncertain and doubtful about their own value. How can this person, for whom there are so many proofs of their worth, feel a lack of confidence? How can they interpret the world as rejecting them? The reality is that insecurity is not just for hurt teenagers; sometimes the gold medal winners are the most vulnerable of all, because they rely on exterior things to reassure them of their place. So make sure to be understanding when a friend who seems like their life is “perfect” tells you that they are feeling insecure.
8. Talk Them Down From Catastrophizing
One of the key elements of insecure behavior is catastrophic interpretation of events. A brief text from a partner will mean they no longer love you; being passed over for a promotion in favor of a colleague means that you’re not able to do your job. A certain amount of self-questioning is natural, but feeling vulnerable means that insecure people tend to believe in apocalyptic consequences that aren’t supported by the facts. Try to apply reason to these thoughts, one by one, and encourage them to view them through a more rational lens.
9. Stop Them Short If They Start Comparing Themselves
Look, comparison is a normal part of the human psyche. We like to keep up with the Joneses, or the Beyonces, or whatever. But this is one of the most important things you can do for a person with insecure tendencies: if you hear them dwelling on a person who’s smarter, cooler, more successful, prettier, whatever, stop them in their tracks, and get them to focus on themselves instead. People who suffer from insecurity constantly measure themselves against others and find themselves wanting. Shut this down as soon as you hear it вЂ” by reminding them that they don’t have to prove anything to anybody. Consider diverting their attention to stuff they love and are passionate about. “I think you’re comparing yourself and it’s going to drive you nuts; want to talk to me about the softball game next Saturday instead?”
Ultimately, our insecure friends have to decide that they want to feel better about themselves; we can’t force them to. But letting them know that there’s someone in their life who hears them and appreciates them unconditionally may help set the stage for self-acceptance.
OVERCOMING INSECURITY | It’s not uncommon for both women and men to feel insecure in a relationship from time to time. We often see emotional insecurity as an underlying issue to address with couples who come to us for marriage counseling, couples therapy, premarital counseling and relationship coaching. After all, when couples don’t feel completely emotionally safe and secure with each other it tends to create conflict and problems in many other areas of their partnership. [For more on the importance of emotional safety and how it may be impacting YOUR relationship, access our free “How Healthy is Your Relationship” Quiz and my mini-couples coaching follow up video series.]
It’s especially true for people in new relationships to have some anxiety, but even people in long-term relationships can worry about their partner’s feelings for them sometimes. While very common, feeling insecure in your relationship can create problems — for both of you.
Root Causes of Insecurity
If insecurity is an issue in your relationship — either for you, or your partner — you might be speculating about the root causes of insecurity and how to heal them. People can struggle to feel emotionally safe with their partner for a variety of reasons — sometimes due to their life experiences, but sometimes, due to things that have happened in the current relationship itself.
Insecurity After Infidelity: Certainly being let down or betrayed by your partner in the past can lead you to struggle with trust in the present moment. Insecurity after infidelity or an emotional affair is very common. In these cases, the path to healing can be a long one. The person who did the betraying often needs to work very hard, for a long time, to show (not tell, but show) their partners that they can trust them.
Anxiety After Being Let Down Repeatedly: However, insecurities can also start to emerge after less dramatic betrayals and disappointments. Even feeling that your partner has not been emotionally available for you, has not been consistently reliable, or was there for you in a time of need, it can lead you to question the strength of their commitment and love. Trust is fragile: If your relationship has weathered storms, learning how to repair your sense of trust and security can be a vital part of healing. Often, couples need to go back into the past to discuss the emotional wounds they experienced with each other in order to truly restore the bond of safety and security. These conversations can be challenging, but necessary.
Insecurity Due to Having Been Hurt in the Past: Sometimes people who have had negative experiences in past relationships can feel insecure, due to having been traumatized by others. For some people, their very first relationships were with untrustworthy or inconsistent parents and that led to the development of insecure attachment styles. This can lead them to feel apprehensive or protective with anyone who gets close. However, even people with loving parents and happy childhoods can carry scars of past relationships, particularly if they lived through a toxic relationship at some point in their lives. It’s completely understandable: Having been burned by an Ex can make it harder to trust a new partner, due to fears of being hurt again.
Long Distance Relationships: Certain types of relationships can lead people to feel less secure than they’d like to, simply due to the circumstances of the relationship itself. For example, you might feel more insecure if you’re in a long-distance relationship. Not being able to connect with your partner or see them in person all the time can take a toll on even the strongest relationship. Couples in long-distance relationships should expect that they will have to work a little harder than couples who are together day-to-day, in order to help each person to feel secure and loved. In these cases, carefully listening to each other about what both of you are needing to feel secure and loved is vital, as is being intentionally reliable and consistent.
Feeling Insecure When You’re Dating Someone New: And, as we all know, early-stage romantic love is a uniquely vulnerable experience and often fraught with anxiety. Dating someone new is exciting, but it can also be intensely anxiety-provoking. In new (or new-ish) relationships where a commitment has not been established, not fully knowing where you stand with a new person that you really like is emotionally intense. If you’re dating, or involved in a new relationship, you may need to deliberately cultivate good self-soothing and calming skills in order to manage the emotional roller coaster that new love can unleash.
Feeling Insecure With a Withdrawn Partner: Interestingly, different types of relationship dynamics can lead to differences in how secure people feel. The same person can feel very secure and trusting in one relationship, but with a different person, feel suspicious, worried, and on pins and needles. Often this has to do with the relational dynamic of the couple.
For example, in relationships where one person has a tendency to withdraw, be less communicative, or is not good at verbalizing their feelings it can lead their partner to feel worried about what’s really going on inside of them. This can turn into a pursue-withdraw dynamic that intensifies over time; one person becoming increasingly anxious and agitated about not being able to get through to their partner, and the withdrawn person clamping down like a clam under assault by a hungry seagull. However, when communication improves and couples learn how to show each other love and respect in the way they both need to feel safe and secure, trust is strengthened and emotional security is achieved.
Types of Insecurities
Emotional security (or lack of) is complex. In addition to having a variety of root causes, there are also different ways that insecurity manifests in people —and they all have an impact on your relationship. As has been discussed in past articles on this blog, people who struggle with low self esteem may find it hard to feel safe in relationships because they are anticipating rejection. The “insecure overachiever” may similarly struggle to feel secure in relationships if they’re not getting the validation and praise they thrive on.
For others, insecurity is linked to an overall struggle with vulnerability and perfectionism. People who feel like they need to be perfect in order to be loved can — subconsciously or not — try to hide their flaws. But, on a deep level, they know they’re not perfect (no one is) and so that knowledge can lead to feelings of apprehension when they let other people get close to them. In these cases, learning how to lean into authentic vulnerability can be the path of healing. [More on this: “The Problem With Perfectionism”]
Sometimes people who are going through a particularly hard time in other parts of their lives can start to feel apprehensive about their standing in their relationship. For example, people who aren’t feeling great about their career can often feel insecure when they’re around people who they perceive as being more successful or accomplished than they are. This insecurity is heightened in the case of a layoff or unexpected job loss. If one partner in a relationship is killing it, and the other is feeling under-employed or like they’re still finding their way, it can lead the person who feels dissatisfied with their current level of achievement to worry that their partner is dissatisfied with them too.
Insecurities can take many forms, and emerge for a variety of reasons. However, when insecurity is running rampant the biggest toll it takes is often on a relationship.
German psychoanalyst Eric Fromm said, “The task we must set for ourselves is not to feel secure, but to be able to tolerate insecurity.”
Everyone I have ever known — I take that back — every likable person I have ever known in this world has admitted to periods of sheer insecurity. They looked at themselves from the perspective of someone else — perhaps a person with no appreciation of their talents, personality traits, abilities—and judged themselves unfairly according to the perverted view.
I am terribly insecure much of the time. I grew up with bad acne, braces, and a twin sister who was in the popular group. The adolescent self-doubt had sticking power. At times I can pull off the image of a self-confident author and writer, but it usually lasts as long as the speaking event or lunch with my editor.
Lately the junior high inferiority complex has made a surprise visit, and I’m more insecure than usual. So here’s one of those lists that people are always writing — suggestions on what to do if you are feeling insecure, too.
1. Consider it beautiful.
Insecurity — vulnerability of spirit — is essentially humility, which is a divine quality. In fact, since pride is considered to be the origin of sin (Saint Augustine), then humility would be the greatest spiritual virtue. With insecurity, we admit that it’s not all about us, and that philosophy in this world of self-centeredness is quite lovely. Says Stephen Fry in “Moab Is My Washpot”:
“It’s not all bad. Heightened self-consciousness, apartness, an inability to join in, physical shame and self-loathing—they are not all bad. Those devils have been my angels. Without them I would never have disappeared into language, literature, the mind, laughter and all the mad intensities that made and unmade me.”
2. Read your self-esteem file.
A self-esteem file is a warm-fuzzy folder, but I really refuse to call it that because it sounds like I live in the land of the unicorns and fairies with retreats to the land of the rainbows and lollipops. It’s a collection of anything anyone has ever said, written, indicated that can be categorized as positive. Someone says something shallow like, “I like your shoes.” Sure, put it in there, with a note “I have good taste in shoes.” Another person mutters, “Dude, thanks for listening.” That goes in there as well: “I am a good listener.”
I suggest asking two or three of your best friends to list ten of your best qualities and put those in there to jumpstart the project. That’s what I did seven years ago. My therapist asked me to make a list of ten of my best qualities and I couldn’t do it. So she told me to ask my friends. I was embarrassed. Ashamed. Why should I need to do this? But my self-esteem file has saved me from weeks of self-loathing. Now it’s full of nice comments on my blog, emails, feedback from my books. I reach for it every time I feel a moment of insecurity coming over me.
3. Avoid people you feel insecure around.
I know this sounds like common sense, but it does require a bit of homework. Sometimes you have to rearrange your schedule, find a new route to work, take lunch at a different time, or compile a ton of excuses to have on hand. “I’m sorry I can’t go to happy hour with you guys. The truth is that your cliquish group does not make me happy. I have a better chance of getting happy by myself. Oh, and my dog needs to get groomed at 5 p.m. on a Tuesday night.”
You have to protect yourself. That should be your first priority for as long as you are feeling insecure, not convenience. Why torture yourself? If you think the popular group will notice, you’re wrong. Most likely they don’t care about you. But you won’t care that they don’t care if you are proactive about protecting yourself. Then, when you don’t feel as insecure, you can resume your old schedule or go to happy hour if you want and if your dog has been groomed.
4. Surround yourself with supportive people.
There are only a few people in my life who get me. Who really get me. When I’m insecure, I will drive 250 miles to see them, or squeeze a half hour into my hectic evening to talk to them on the phone. They remind me of what is good and unique about myself — maybe unorthodox and not at all appreciated by other folks — elements that contribute to my decent DNA. These people love that I have no filter, that I say whatever I am thinking out loud and therefore insult an average of two people every ten seconds. This character defect, they say, is refreshing!
Those trusted few are the voices of truth and we need as many voices of truth as we can get. “We’re going to have to let truth scream louder to our souls than the lies that have infected us,” writes Beth Moore in “So Long, Insecurity: You’ve Been a Bad Friend To Us.”
5. Know it’s invisible.
You figure everyone can see that you’re insecure. And that actually makes you feel more insecure. But here’s the wonderful truth. No one can see your insecurity. They are too worried about their own insecurity to notice your insecurity. Even when I think the world can see me shake – when I get really nervous or uncertain – few people can. Either that or they are lying to me when I call them on it. Do your friends look insecure when they are in a group of coworkers or with dysfunctional families? Nope? No one can see your insides but you.
Originally posted on Sanity Break at Everyday Health.
Insecurity is one of the most complex and annoying feelings ever. For some folks, it can come out of nowhere and you don’t know why you’re feeling so down on yourself. For others, it’s there all the time. Insecurity sucks, and it can suck even more when you see someone you love experience it too, because it can feel like making them feel better is out of your control. But when your partner is insecure, there are ways you can help them through it. The first step? Try not to worry too much. The fact that you’re wondering how to help in the first place is already proof you’re a great partner.
First of all is knowing how to identify when a partner is feeling insecure, and according to relationship expert April Masini, there are three main ways to tell. Your partner might have “trouble accepting compliments,” Masini says, or they might always try to “blend in” or continually ask “if everything is all right.” If you notice that your partner is exhibiting any or all of these behaviors, they might be feeling insecure. So, what can you do about it?
Obviously you’re not a magician, and you can’t magically take away your partner’s feelings of insecurity. But, as Masini says, “if youвЂ™re in a relationship with someone who has a problem, like insecurity, then you have a responsibility to do what you can.” And really, according to Masini, doing what you can can be as simple as just being there for them.
Talk to them about it, but be careful, Masini warns. “You just have to make sure you donвЂ™t cross the line and start enabling a partner,” she says. “For instance, if you see your partner not being able to take compliments, you can ask them if it is difficult for them to take a compliment, and be specific.” Masini also says that expressing your emotions in this situation might help. “If they continue to not take your compliments, graciously, you can tell them it makes you feel rejected when they push back when you compliment them,” she says. “They may not realize that this is happening, and itвЂ™s great information for them. It may also cure this problem.” In short, be there for them, even if you don’t fully get why they’re feeling insecure.
At the end of the day, there’s only so much you can do to help a partner struggling with feeling insecure. It can be frustrating to feel like you’re doing everything you can for them to feel the love if they can’t get there themselves. But don’t feel like you’re not doing everything you can, and that their feelings are all solely on you.
“If youвЂ™re dating someone who is insecure, ask yourself what youвЂ™re getting out of the relationship,” Masini advises. Remember that you still have to take care of you, and notes that “if the insecurity of your partner is a big problem, you may not be a compatible match.” Try and work together, and remind them that they’re loved and that you’re there for them. But also keep in mind that you can’t hold yourself completely responsible for someone else’s feelings. You deserve an equal relationship, one where both partners are equally there to support each other. Don’t be afraid to let them know that.
Do you find yourself fishing for compliments? Asking where your partner is going, even though you know the answer ? Badgering them for extra attention although you spent the entire day together? Maybe you repeatedly ask your spouse about spending time with a coworker who’s just a friend. All of these things are a result of insecurities in a relationship .
Many people feel jealous and insecure in their relationships , even if they are loved unconditionally by their partner. Whether you’re in a relatively new relationship or a decades-long marriage, here’s how to stop being insecure in a relationship .
9 KEYS TO PASSION & INTIMACY
What causes insecurity in a relationship?
If you feel insecure, it’s because you haven’t dealt with whatever is putting you in a negative state . This could be that your needs aren’t being met by your relationship, or it could have to do with something outside your union, like a lack of self-confidence or fear of the unknown. The important thing is to get to the root of the problem and solve it together.
1. Start with self-love
The core cause of insecurities in a relationship is often a lack of self-love. If one partner holds on to harmful limiting beliefs , like being afraid of failure or thinking that they don’t deserve love, they won’t be able to trust completely – and trust is the foundation of any relationship. To work on self-love, first identify and overcome your limiting beliefs. Learn to interrupt negative patterns of self-talk . Take steps to build your confidence and turn your life into a journey of discovery, not distrust and suspicion.
2. Learn to communicate effectively
Communication is key in all areas of life – and that’s especially true if you’re feeling insecure in a relationship . To really discover how to stop being insecure in a relationship , the best thing you can do is effectively communicate with your partner. How does your partner communicate? What’s their communication style ? You can talk things over repeatedly, but unless you’re truly connecting with your partner on their level, it will be challenging to resolve lingering issues.
3. Meet each other’s needs
Feeling insecure in a relationship is often a symptom that certain needs aren’t being met. There are six basic human needs that affect every single person on the planet. We all strive to feel certain that we can avoid pain and gain pleasure; we crave variety in life; we want to feel significant ; connection to others is essential and growth and contribution help us find fulfillment. Each person ranks these needs in a different way. Which one is most important to you? Is your relationship helping to fulfill this need? If not, how can you improve the relationship to feel more loved and supported?
4. Balance your polarity
In every relationship there is one partner with a masculine energy and another with feminine energy. These energies don’t have to align with genders, but opposing forces need to be present in order to find romantic harmony. This concept is called polarity . If you’re feeling insecure in a relationship , you and your partner may not be in balance. If both partners take on masculine or feminine traits, it can cause insecurities to arise. Look at how your roles have changed over time. How can you restore polarity and banish insecurity?
5. Act like you’re a new couple
When you start dating someone new, the energy is electrifying. You want to learn everything about your partner and be physically close to them whenever possible. Over time, this spark fades. As you become better acquainted with your partner, the fireworks you first felt start to fizzle. You become comfortable in your habits and stop trying to impress. Insecurities in a relationship can surface when your partner feels that you’re no longer making an effort or that your attraction is fading. Bring back the passion in your relationship and act like you did when you started dating. Compliment your partner. Plan surprising dates. Write them love notes. These small acts can reignite the passion and squash insecurities.
6. Create new stories
Mistakes are made in even the happiest relationships, but sustainable relationships are able to leave those mistakes in the past. What are you and your partner dealing with? No matter if you’ve previously fought over finances or flirtations, if you’re deciding to move forward as a couple then it’s time to leave those old stories behind. Instead of insisting that your partner always does something that irritates you, try shifting your mindset. Accept your partner for who they are and decide to create a beautiful new story together instead of reliving past pain , and you’ll learn how to stop being insecure in a relationship .
7. Stop overanalyzing
All of your insecurities in a relationship start in your own head. Your thoughts affect your emotions, and your emotions affect your actions . When you let anxious thoughts spiral out of control, that’s when you lash out at your partner, become defensive or shut down. Stop these feelings before they start by learning to control your emotions . Keep your partner’s actions in perspective – everyone talks to the opposite sex, wants to go out with their friends and needs alone time once in a while. This doesn’t reflect badly on you. It means you’re in a normal, healthy relationship !
Stop feeling insecure in a relationship once and for all
Discover ways to tackle the obstacles, including feelings of insecurity, in your relationship with the help of Tony Robbins’ digital Relationship Guide.
Shyness can truly hold people back–partly because those who are shy tend to avoid public situations and speaking up, and partly because they experience so much chronic anxiety.
If that’s you, take comfort in knowing you are far from alone–four out of 10 people consider themselves shy.
But here’s the good news: Shyness can be overcome. With time and effort and a desire to change, it’s possible to break through.
If your shyness is severe, you may need help from a therapist or counselor, but most people can overcome it on their own.
Take your first steps in getting past shyness with these 13 techniques to help you become a more confident you.
1. Don’t tell.
There’s no need to advertise your shyness. Those who are close to you already know, and others may never even have an opportunity to notice. It’s not as visible as you probably think.
2. Keep it light.
If others bring up your shyness, keep your tone casual. If it becomes part of a discussion, speak of it lightheartedly.
3. Change your tone.
If you blush when you’re uncomfortable, don’t equate it with shyness. Let it stand on its own: “I’ve always been quick to blush.”
4. Avoid the label.
Don’t label yourself as shy–or as anything. Let yourself be defined as a unique individual, not a single trait.
5. Stop self-sabotaging.
Sometimes we really are our own worst enemy. Don’t allow your inner critic to put you down. Instead, analyze the power of that voice so you can defuse it.
6. Know your strengths.
Make a list of all your positive qualities–enlist a friend or family member to help if you need to–and read or recite it when you’re feeling insecure. Let it remind you how much you have to offer.
7. Choose relationships carefully.
Shy people tend to have fewer but deeper friendships–which means your choice of friend or partner is even more important. Give your time to the people in your life who are responsive, warm, and encouraging.
8. Avoid bullies and teases.
There are always a few people who are willing to be cruel or sarcastic if it makes for a good punch line, some who just have no sense of what’s appropriate, and some who don’t care whom they hurt. Keep a healthy distance from these people.
9. Watch carefully.
Most of us are hardest on ourselves, so make a habit of observing others (without making a big deal out of it). You may find that other people are suffering from their own symptoms of insecurity and that you are not alone.
10. Remember that one bad moment doesn’t mean a bad day.
Especially when you spend a lot of time inside your own head, as shy people tend to do, it’s easy to distort experiences, to think that your shyness ruined an entire event–when chances are it wasn’t a big deal to anyone but you.
11. Shut down your imagination.
Shy people sometimes feel disapproval or rejection even when it isn’t there. People probably like you much more than you give yourself credit for.
12. Stare it down.
Sometimes when you’re scared, the best thing to do is to face it head on. If you’re frightened, just stare it down and lean into it.
13. Name it.
Make a list of all your jitters and worries. Name them, plan how you’re going to eliminate them, and move forward.
Suffering from shyness shouldn’t keep you from the success you are seeking, so try these simple tools and make them work for you–in fact, they’re good techniques to try whether you’re shy or not.
Our past would help you understand us better and
give you an idea of who we are and what we are doing here.
Residing in Pink City, we are the simplest guy on the Earth, that’s what we think and believe. One is in his Early 20’s and the other in his mid’s. One is a Software Engineer and, the other is a Computer genius. One is super stressed, then the other is super confident and hopeful about life and the world around. We both are trying to get all the strength we can to face challenges and keep our pace towards our destination in the chaotic situation like a daredevil.
However, things were not always the same before 25 November 2015. Our life was way different from now; both were on our separate paths without any direction.
One was playing video games at home and, the other one was hanging out with friends. Back then, everybody was below our shoes and, we were, above all, like Royal Highness. We were dreaming about random things, was happy, and spending our nights on T.V. shows. By all of this, it doesn’t mean that we were bullshit; it just that we didn’t have understandings. We were grown-up kids back then, who was going with their life and time, on this Earth. School to home, home to college and college to back home again, that’s was our life. We were tension free.
But, nothing remains for the same it’s the rule of nature that everything changes and, that cold night of November- one day before our sister’s marriage- our father died due to a Heart attack.
Yes, that happened, and it was all painful, shocking, and unacceptable. Moments of laughter and happiness suddenly changed into screams and sorrow. And that horrifying incident changed everything, not only us but all the other things around us as well. People changed or showed their real faces, conditions changed, and we had to face situations that we never thought we’d be in our life. In situations, we needed support and help.
We got betrayal and isolation from people (except one or two, which were never close to us before that). Not only did they let us down us, but they also started to see us associated with our father’s pride. They expected us to do the same as our father. His demise and the following circumstances were not only situations we’ve gone through, but there’s more, and we’re still going through those, which we’d share when the time comes right.
What do we want to do with our present?
If a child and an adult would give you a life lesson, then whom you’d believe?
Adult right? Because they hold the experience, and just like them, we too have the experience we want to use to help people. Also, we know that people would face the same situation this day or another, just like us because every experience is a shared human experience. And with our way of dealing with those situations, people would probably find some help to get through the struggle. Also, we’re trying to build a community that would help people who need it.
Help is the cause.
Is that incident truly changed us?
Yes, but there are still some parts that are on the course to change. We’re more kind than before, paying more attention to important things; want to learn more: in a few things. We’re doing things that we never thought we could.
From where you can start in our blog
In our opinion, you can start with our Best Articles. You can also go to our Books section, where you’d find awesome books we’ve written. If you like our work, please share our post, and don’t forget to visit the Show Courtesy page.
How to Stop Feeling Insecure
Insecurity is defined by the Cambridge Dictionary as “a feeling of lacking confidence and not being sure of your own abilities or of whether people like you.” Everyone has experienced the feeling of insecurity about something or another at some point in life, it is natural. Fortunately, it is possible to learn how to overcome insecurity.
Although it is a normal feeling that everyone experiences, sometimes insecurities can get out of hand without you realizing it. They can take hold of the rational mind and infiltrate your thoughts over time until one day you realize that your insecurities are holding you back from the happiness you deserve.
“ I never have been insecure, because I see what a waste it is. I know there is a solution to insecurity. I don’t tend to be thrown by problems that don’t have solutions. And insecurity has a wealth of alternatives.” — Drew Barrymore
Your insecurities do not have to be road-blocks. Instead they can be stepping stones on your path to becoming the best you can be. Don’t worry about what people think of you. All it takes is a little bit of self-awareness. Interested? Then keep reading for tips on how to stop being insecure.
Identify the Source
Insecurity, like all feelings, stems from a thought we are having, such as I’m not good enough or I don’t deserve to succeed. These thoughts are usually rooted in some unconscious (and untrue) belief or fear we have about ourselves or the world we live in. According to licensed Psychologist, Sal Raichbach of Ambrosia Treatment Center, “the root cause of all insecurities is fear, and it’s shaped by our past experiences.”
For example, you could feel insecure in a relationship, even though your partner has given you no reason to feel that way because you unconsciously believe that you do not deserve to be loved. This belief could stem from a traumatic childhood event, such as a missing, neglectful, or abusive parent, that you have internalized and held to be true your entire life.
The first step to overcoming insecurity is to identify the thought or belief that is causing it. If you do not recognize and deal with the thoughts that are causing you to feel insecure, they can become habitual and ingrained in your psyche. Once you have isolated the thought or belief, you can begin to work on changing it to something that better serves you. Most of the thoughts that cause us to be insecure are irrational and unfounded anyway.
The first step to overcoming insecurity is to identify the thought or belief that is causing it
Now, when you notice that you are feeling insecure, take a moment to remind yourself that you are in control of your thoughts. You can decide to think of something different from whatever self-defeating thought you are having at the moment. Practice changing the irrational, negative thoughts into positive, confident ones instead. It may be hard at first to catch yourself at the moment you actually have the cognition, but after a few times, it will get easier. A daily meditation practice can help you to become more aware of your thoughts.
Don’t Compare Yourself to Others
Caleb Backe, a health and wellness expert at Maple Holistics says, “To feel better about yourself, stop looking at others.” Humans have a habit of comparing ourselves to one another; we look at others to gauge ourselves and make us feel like we’re missing something. The problem is that we are our own worst critics. We know ourselves inside and out, flaws and everything.
However, we don’t necessarily see the flaws of someone else, and that makes the playing field uneven. I think that New York Times Best Selling Author Steven Furtick said it best when he said: “The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.”
“The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.” – Steven Furtick
It doesn’t help that we live in the age of social media where many people only post things that are flattering or cast them in the best light. Facebook and Instagram can solidify our insecurities and validate fears that we are not good enough. You can combat this by spending less time on social media sites and also by only following friends and people whom you admire or with whom you share similar values.
Instead of comparing yourself to others, try comparing yourself to yourself. That is to say, if you are trying to be a better person, you have to compare yourself right now to a past version of you. It is always possible to be better, not because you’re worse than anyone else but because you are not yet all that you can become.
Practice Makes Perfect
Everyone has heard the saying ‘That which doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” So what does it mean exactly? It means that when we face tough situations or conquer our challenges, we learn things and become better people for it. Overcoming struggles makes us better equipped to face future struggles, so why not give yourself some practice.
Stepping out of your comfort zone on purpose can help you practice for the times when you are being insecure about a situation. If you voluntarily do one new, uncomfortable or challenging thing each day, then you desensitize yourself to future situations that may be uncomfortable and scary but are necessary to achieving your goals or obtaining something that you want.
Stepping out of your comfort zone on purpose can help you practice for the times when you are being insecure about a situation
What are some examples of ways to get out of your comfort zone and challenge yourself? You could introduce yourself to someone you don’t know at work, or volunteer to read aloud in class. If you are insecure about dating, you could challenge yourself to join a dating site and go on one new date a week.
Everyone will have different situations that make them feel uncomfortable or vulnerable, depending on what they are feeling insecure about or having trouble with. The key is to practice walking through difficult situations on your own when there is no pressure and nothing to lose so that you will be successful when it really counts.
In conclusion, having insecurities is a part of being human, but you don’t have to let your fears run your life. On how to stop being insecure, facing our fears and persevering through difficult situations builds character and confidence. It will ultimately make you a better person. So instead of hiding from or burying your insecurities, embrace them as ways to become the best version of yourself that you can be.