How to be prepared for the dating world

Dating can be a fun and rewarding experience if you have the skills, the right approaches, and the right attitude. To have success at dating, you must prepare yourself mentally as well as physically and understand the dating landscape.

The Dating Landscape

Today’s dating world is a lot more complex than back in your parents’ days. Today’s women are more independent and liberal. They have good career, good education, and have the same earning powers as men. The relationship dynamics between men and women have clearly changed a lot over the years!

The Recipes for Dating Success

To have success with dating today, you must up your game and develop your dating skills. Women are a lot choosier and sophisticated now. You cannot go by the “cavemen” like approach like in the old days of your grandparents.

The environment has also changed a lot. There are a lot more avenues for meeting and hooking up with girls. Acceptable places to meet potential dates include bookstores, grocery stores, concerts, volunteer events, classes, clubs, bars, etc. And thanks to the Internet, meeting a potential date is only a few mouse clicks away.

Online dating has become quite popular, and much more accepted. These dating websites allow you to view prospects’ profiles with photos. You can send them a message or initiate a chat.

If you decide to try the online dating route, I would recommend you to join a membership site. Free sites usually have lots of spammers and people that are not serious about dating.

Preparing Yourself Mentally

Just remember that dating should be a fun, rewarding experience regardless of the outcome. You can learn a lot about dating, relationship, and women with each person that you date. Remember to always keep a positive attitude, let your confidence and charm shine through, and be classy and gracious always.

If you have a positive attitude, smile often, you will surely attract positive energy and women will notice that!

Lastly, don’t have any expectations. The more expectations you set, the more you will become disappointed. Be open minded about the person you’re selecting to date. Don’t let race, education level, age, and other trivial factors get in the way.

Remember, dating should be a fun and pleasant experience. If it doesn’ work out, you can always become friends…and who knows…she may have friends that she can introduce you to.

Preparing Yourself Physically

Let’s face it – Look matters! In order to increase your chance of getting a date, you have to at least look presentable. This means grooming yourself with decent looking clothes and taking care of your hygiene. If you have female friends that know a thing or two about fashion or style, ask for their opinions. You can also check out our articles on proper grooming and hygiene and get some excellent tips from there.

You should also take care of your body and look healthy and fit. If you haven’t already joined a gym, it’s time for you to do so. Working out not only gives you a sexier body, but it has a host of other benefits.

Alright, now that you know what to expect in the dating world, it’s time for you to get your lazy butt off the chair and start preparing yourself for dating! Good luck and always remember to have fun!

How to be prepared for the dating world

First time dating can be overwhelming and thrilling at the same time. The youngsters who mostly fall into this category might not understand what is happening around them. They are usually overexcited to find love for the first time, which leaves them vulnerable to many uncertainties.

Those who have been in love before find it difficult to trust people again, especially if they had a rough breakup in the past. Regardless of the reason for trying to be in love again, you have to be ready for it. Below are the tips to follow:

Love Yourself First

Before others can love you, it is prudent for you to fall in love with yourself. Before someone can propose to take you out for a date, take yourself for a vacation and get the best treatment. It is a great way to appreciate who you are and guide others on how to appreciate you. By the time you find a potential dating partner, you will not be desperate for love, and this will help you to take your time in choosing a perfect partner.

How to be prepared for the dating world

Let People Pursue You

This is the time to allow potential lovers to pursue you so that you have the time to choose a perfect match. Today, there are several ways of meeting new people. Online dating through reputable platforms is now a norm and you can use it to your benefit. You can browse this site to post your profile, which people will use to pursue you.

List the Qualities of Your Potential Dating Partner

Although it is recommended to be open for different dates, it is a must to list the qualities of the partner you would wish to have. This will be your checklist every time you go out with someone. The best thing about having a reference is that you avoid compromising on important qualities that would make you happy in the future. Though you may meet many who are interested in you, only start a dating relationship with one who holds the potential to love you and make you happy.

Practice Honesty in Relationships

When you find a potential relationship, it is good to be honest with your partner. Let them know that you have been in a relationship before and it did not work or that you have never dated anyone else before. Honesty is a virtue that builds strong relationships, particularly when you meet the right person. If you happen to lie and your partners find out that you did this in the future, the relationship is jeopardized.

Solve Problems

Life is surrounded by challenges. Some affect the past, current, and future relationships that people engage in. In this case, it is better to look for solutions that will warrant happiness in your future relationships. Once you have these, then you are ready for a relationship.

As you can see, it is easy to be ready for dating when you have the right information. Follow these tips and you will not regret it since they have helped many others.

Life. Are we ever aware of what might happen tomorrow? Do we know what will happen one year from now and where our lives will be? How about knowing what could happen in the blink of an eye?

The world we live in is constantly changing; things are always happening. Time is ticking, and we are growing older — and, of course, wiser — every second of every minute of every hour of every day.

We are learning valuable lessons every single day and creating memories from the experiences we’ve been so lucky to have. We need to cherish every moment that speeds by us.

Wouldn’t you agree that even the hardships you’ve been through have taught you a great amount and given you a background you can take to your next learning experience?

The reality is we simply don’t know what life may throw at us.

We can predict the future, but until we get to the bridge — that almighty bridge — we can’t really figure out how to cross it. One of my favorite cliché comments is, “I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it.”

Yes, we need to be worried about the future, but we also need to plunge into the present and what is happening today. The present is what mattersВ most, right here and right now.

Often, we forget how quickly things can change in the blink of an eye. And, what’s crazy is we likely didn’t even see it coming. Has this ever happened to you?

What it comes down to is that the unknown is inevitable, yet beautiful. Be prepared for the worst, but always have faith in the best.

Both amazing experiences and torturous experiences should be viewed in a positive light so we know what to do the next time a certain situation arises.

We need to be prepared to embrace whatever will happen, whether it’s good or bad, positive or negative, right or wrong. I promise, opening up your heart and being willing to embrace anything and everything imaginable will change your life in unheard of ways.

Here are seven reasons why embracing the unknown will guide you toward a path with flourishing success:

1. If you dig deep into the unknown, you’re bound to find treasure.

One word: research. Nowadays, information is at the tip of our fingers, literally.

The Internet of Things (IOT) is flooded with information given to us by simply clicking, tapping, or even touching a button. GIVEN, FOR FREE. Take advantage of the resources given to you.

If you’re curious about something, whatever it may be, research it. Learn about it. Study it. Become familiar with it. Embrace it. Embrace the fact that because of the Internet, life is a little bit easier in a sense.

Go out there and find out what you’ve always been wondering. Asking questions will lead to more questions that will eventually lead to some sort of conclusion.

Sometimes, you may not end up with a solid conclusion, but that right there, my friends, is the beauty of the unknown. You will surprise yourself, without a doubt.

2. It prepares you for the worst, the best and beyond.

Embracing the unknown will prepare you for anything. Think about it.

If you have enough confidence that you can handle any type of situation, whether your spouse just passed away or you just found out you won a million dollars, you will always feel secure and well-balanced.

Look at it this way: Embracing the unknown goes hand in hand with putting yourself in someone else’s shoes.

You have to be open to viewing different perspectives from each and every end of the spectrum. Be aware of how badly a situation could turn out, but as I said before, believe the best will happen.

Embrace the possibilities that can sprout from even the most miserable of times.

3. You eventually realize you have no control over what happens.

Part of embracing lifeВ means accepting a lack of control over what will happen next. If we realize this at an early stage, we will live much happier lives.

Another valid point is that YOU cannot control somebody else. Do you dream about people changing in ways that will make YOU happier?

This is a bit selfish. We were all put on this earth to do different things; we are all unique from each other. Embrace what someone else wants to do with his or her life and support him or her.

No one in this world lacks the potential to do great things in life.

4. But, you do have control over your reactions.

We may not have control over other people or what will happen next; however, we do have control of how we choose to react to every situation brought before us.

If this is the only thing over which we have control, embrace it. Make your reactions infectious in a good way. Show people things can transpire when good intentions are present.

Be determined to show people there is good in this world in which we live.

5. It creates humbleness within.

Who doesn’t like humble people? When we allow ourselves to embrace the unknown, we also create the ability to be humble.

If we are presented with a tough situation and decide to literally embrace every situation and its consequences, the humble power within us shines.

Strive to be humble. You will appreciate the world in a different way — a very beautiful way.

6. It makes you fearless.

If we can learn to embrace the unknown and become equipped for anything and everything to happen, our fears will diminish. Don’t be afraid of the outcome.

Don’t be afraid of what might be. Let go of fear in order to embrace and master the things about which you know nothing. It will change your life.

7. Being fearless allows for fear to disappear.

Fear is the number one factor that stands in our way of turning dreams into realities. We tend to get so caught up in what society tells us to do or what society thinks we should do.

Our job is to think outside the box and to step far outside the norm. Letting go of fear allows us to dive into the unknown of our comfort zones. By stepping outside of our comfort zones, we are able to zoom in on our own realities and focus on our purposes in life.

We discover new things when we embrace the fear of being uncomfortable.

You can define success however you see fit, but just remember that embracing the unknown and making situations positive will gratify you. Most importantly, doing so will enlighten you.

Let’s face it, everyone wants to find someone special. We all want to share our magical journeys with someone we love, honor, and respect.

I don’t know about you, but it seems lately everyone I know is either getting engaged, married, or about to have children. Being a recently-single individual, it can be challenging at times. Personally, I believe there is more than one Mr. or Ms. Right out there for us, which increases the odds tenfold to find that someone special.

All of my clients who are single want to find someone special. But are they prepared? Preparing for love is an incredibly arduous journey of self-discovery, character building, and awareness. It is definitely the road less traveled, but so worthwhile in the end.

Here are five surefire ways to prepare for finding one of the loves of your life, known as the “READY” model:

1. Re-Learn Yourself

Have an honest conversation with yourself about your past relationships and your feelings toward love. Know what type of persons attract you and why. Are they naughty or nice? Or if they make you think twice?

Learning your patterns and behaviors within relationships is of vital importance. You must recognize your role(s), ground yourself in reality, and use this awareness when stepping forward into the unknown. Otherwise, you will fall into the same old patterns, continue to make the same old choices, and yield the same old results.

That’s why awareness is key. This time, it will be different.

2. Elevate the Space

Drama no more! That will be your new mantra, meditation, or positive self-talk.

Get rid of all the dirty laundry (aka exes) that is no longer serving you. Make the phone call. Have the final conversation. Accept your part of the responsibility. Get the closure you need. Honor your past relationship. Now, close your eyes, take three deep breaths, figuratively catapult them from your space, open your eyes, and move forward.

Before we can move onward to bigger and better pastures, we must take responsibility, forgive old trespassers, forgive ourselves, and do some crazy authentic work in order to forget prior mistakes.

Your intention to clear the space needs to be solid.

3. Ask for What You Want

Be specific. Be outrageous. Be confident in your choices. Whether it’s a stunning Pinterest board or a fantastic collage from magazine clippings over your nightstand, jot your thoughts down in a creative manner that speaks to you. Share with the world, your friends and family.
Now, visualize this person walking toward you when you wake up, when you are brushing your teeth after lunch, and when you lay down to sleep. Ask and you shall receive.

4. Decide to Put Yourself Out There

You must put yourself out there as much as possible, whether physically or virtually.

The most effective place to meet your new love will be at house parties, special events (e.g., weddings, bat mitzvahs, etc.), and fundraisers. At these events, everyone’s energy is open, generous, and giving. A true unspoken invitation for love.

Perhaps the second most effective way nowadays to meet your new love is online. From the comfort of your pajamas in your humble home, you can browse the sea of online individuals. Having heard mixed reviews, I still am unsure about the whole idea of “online dating,” but it’s a great way to start practicing the art of dating. Practice makes perfect, right?

Dating is not easy. Whether it’s Jdate, eHarmony, Match, or OneGoodLove, pick the one that speaks to you. Have fun and meet new people. You never know!

Then, there are bars! Enter at your own risk!

5. You Stay Fearless

Be patient. Be authentic. Be fearless. All good things to those who wait. The most challenging part will be the radio silence from time to time. It’s easy to become bitter and hopeless. It’s not a sprint, it’s a marathon. Keep your hope alive at every minute. When hope starts to fade, return to step three, visualize your new love walking toward you and repeat. It helps.

If you follow these steps, you will open the space for love. Simultaneously, you will also sharpen your character, build your confidence, discover your wants and desires, and tighten your awareness. Sounds like a win-win to me. Now, go prepare yourself for love!

For more by Seth Santoro, click here.

For more on relationships, click here.

How to be prepared for the dating world

How to be prepared for the dating world

1. You’d better be prepared to look at the world/movies/TV shows/everything more closely than you used to. There might be a movie that you really love that you never noticed was super-crazy sexist, and you need to at least be open to hearing her explain why it is and looking at it from another perspective. I dated a guy who hated when I would do this and you will never guess how quickly I dumped him because haha no.

2. If you don’t identify as a feminist already, you should figure out why that is before going for her. Do you think she should make less than you make for doing the exact same job? No? Then you’re a feminist. This is not difficult, Jeremy.

3. You’re not necessarily going to offend her because she’s a feminist and you paid for her tea. I had a guy buy me an iced tea once and he acted like he wasn’t sure whether to pat himself on the back for being such a good guy or apologize for acting like he owned me. My tea was $1.50, dude. Calm down. If you’re doing a nice thing because you want to do a nice thing, I will love that. Who wouldn’t?

4. Please at least know some basic women’s history. See: Leslie Knope being pissed Officer Dave didn’t know who Madeline Albright was or me being pissed that a guy doesn’t know what riot grrrl music is.

5. “So do you hate men?” is a “joke” she has heard about 5,000 times. And if you make it, I will think you are both uncreative and kind of a dick. Like, are you serious? It’s not 1962 (and let’s be honest, no one thought it was funny then either.)

6. She thinks she’s just as entitled to an orgasm as you are, which will make sex really fun if you’re good in bed or very confusing if you’re not. One time I literally sat on a hookup’s bed after they’d had an orgasm and said, “I didn’t come. I’m not leaving this room until I do,” and I waited. Ohhhh, I waited.

7. It’s fine if you hold the door for her. Just don’t act totally shocked when she’s equally as polite and holds it for you.

8. She will debate anyone she meets who says they aren’t a feminist or expresses anti-feminist sentiments. It might be your dumb-dumb friends, it might be a random guy who said something shitty at a bar we’re at, but it could happen. I never pick fights with anyone, but I’m also not afraid to calmly call someone out for saying something bigoted and frankly, you shouldn’t be either.

9. You’d better be aware of what male privilege is and that you have it. One time my guy friend said to me, “Oh man, male privilege sounds nice. Wish I had some of that. Haha,” and I almost threw him across the room. It’s real. If you’re a guy, you have it. Next topic.

10. Any lingering anti-feminist beliefs you may still have can and will be challenged. And rightfully so. Ideally, you’d just take an interest in feminism on your own because everyone should, but if you’re going to be dating me, I’m definitely going to call you on the bullshit you may knowingly or unknowingly still say from time to time. Thank her for this. She’s going to save you from making a horrible rape joke in public (aka making any rape joke in public.)

11. She’s happy to teach you about feminism if you’re happy to learn. If you think Beyoncé can’t dance in a revealing outfit and call herself a feminist, you are wrong, but I’m happy to explain to you why that is if you actually want to know. Why? Because I like you.

12. Never, ever, ever tell her about how men are discriminated against too. This isn’t a competition for which gender had been treated more unfairly, but if it were, women will win every time.

13. If you seriously believe we’re all equal and feminism is unnecessary, keep walking. Also, what are you even doing with your life? Clearly it is not “reading literally any news website.”

14. She really, truly believes in equality for all. Feminists are the most amazing people on the planet because we believe in equality for all genders, races, sexual orientations, you name it. Seriously, would you want to date someone who believed anything less? No? Then it’s good that you picked me.

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How to be prepared for the dating world

How to be prepared for the dating world

Kori Ellis

One of the most difficult things for teenagers is the transition from being completely dependent on their parents into the real world, where they need to act responsibly and maturely to be successful. Though much focus is on protecting our children as they grow up, we also must allow them to take calculated risks, learn to fail and do real-life problem solving.

How to be prepared for the dating world

We consulted speaker and author Tim Elmore, who specializes with what he calls “Generation iY” — current teenagers. He founded the international non-profit Growing Leaders to develop young leaders who will transform society. “The number one challenge students today face is what I call artificial maturity,” says Elmore. “This challenge stems from the fact that kids are consuming information far earlier than they are ready and gaining real life experience far later than they’re ready.”

Preparation for adulthood

Before teens enter the real world, we need to prepare them for what to expect. Otherwise, they will encounter many obstacles. By instilling moral values, responsible behavior and a strong work ethic in your teens, you will be doing all you can to prepare them for life after high school or college.

Respect and responsibility. We all know that you have to give respect to get respect. And this is an important lesson for kids of all ages. Teach your children as early as possible about the value of respect and responsibility. Hold them accountable for their actions with suitable consequences. Insist they participate in chores to keep the household running smoothly, and allow them to get a job to earn their own money.

Learn more about why you should teach responsibility >>

Money management. Make budgeting and money management a common topic in your household. Handing your child a credit card or giving them unlimited funds to purchase clothes, games and other entertainment isn’t doing your teen any favors. Educate your family about the need for comparison shopping, how to avoid money scams, the costs of regular expenses (such as cell phones) and the importance of budgeting.

Read more about how to raise a money-savvy teen >>

Community involvement. Successful people know and care about what’s going on in their community and around the world. Watch the news with your teens. Discuss politics regularly and get them involved in community activities and charity opportunities.

Find out how to help your child volunteer their time >>

Armed for success

Parents need to make an effort to put their children in the position to succeed in life. Elmore discusses how can parents help high schoolers capitalize on their strengths in order become successful leaders.

“Ultimately, people mature as both autonomy and responsibility are distributed evenly,” explains Elmore. “If a young person wants autonomy (to be free and independent), they must demonstrate an equal amount of responsibility to earn it. For instance, if my son wants the car keys, he cannot get them unless he agrees to buy the gas. It’s simple and life only works when the two go together. When autonomy comes without responsibility, parents are doing too much protecting and not enough preparing.

“When a student learns what their primary strengths are, they can build on them and consequently bolster authentic self-esteem, a clear sense of unique identity and even a work ethic, as they labor passionately in an area of their giftedness. While I am far from perfect as a dad and an educator, my two kids are realizing this today, at 19 and 23 years old. When young people find and invest themselves in their strength area, they are more intuitive, passionate, natural, confident, comfortable and influential in that area.”

Multi-tasking teens

Teens today multi-task more than any other population of children in modern history. Many parents and teachers wonder: Is this good for them or not? Does it increase their ability to take on more or does it simply dilute their focus?

“Thanks to the incredible brain research done over the last decade, we know more about the teen brain that’s still developing during these years. The effects this multitasking has on still-forming brains can be positive and negative,” says Elmore. Elmore claims the key is balance. Here are some of his ideas to achieve that balance.

  • Help them balance screen time with face-to-face time with people. For every hour they spend in front of a screen, have them spend an hour with people.
  • Help them balance connected time with disconnected time — ask them to disconnect from phones and computers for two hours and focus on one important goal.
  • Help them balance sedentary time with active time. For each hour spent sitting still (often in front of a screen), engage them in physical activity.
  • Help them to balance trivial time with meaningful time. Especially for teens, they need to engage in meaningful work that contributes to a cause larger than themselves.
  • Help them balance passive stimulation time with personal creative time. Provide project objectives that force them to create ideas that come from within, not from an external source.

Note

With some effort and preparation, we can help our teens enter the real world with a strong foundation and sense of direction.

There are a lot of things to consider when you start a relationship with someone. You might need to reevaluate things as time goes on as well. People change and grow and so too can your priorities.

Though you might feel as though you have all the experience in the world when it comes to dating, if you’ve only ever dated people that were around your same age, you may not be completely prepared to date someone significantly older or younger than you.

There are some things you should be aware if your relationship involves a large age gap. While, to a certain extent, relationships are relationships, there are also some things that might come up when one partner is significantly older or younger than the other that you just don’t have to think about when you’re dating someone who’s the same age as you are.

We talked to a few experts about what to keep in mind when dating with an age gap.

Consider if you’re at different stages in your lives.

If you’ve started dating someone who’s a lot older or younger than you and you haven’t experienced any bumps along the way, it might be because your relationship is still relatively new.

“The issues really begin, I think, to manifest themselves when people start to get into a real life situation,” Beatty Cohan, MSW, LCSW, AASECT , a psychotherapist and author, told INSIDER. For example, if you don’t want kids right away and you’re dating someone who never wants them, it might not seem like an issue at the beginning, but later on, when you start to feel more ready to start a family, understandably, that tiny little thing can become a really big thing.

Not only that, but Cohan also said she’s seen patients who have had issues dating each other because they were at different stages in their lives. For example, while one might want to go out and dance with friends, the other might have no interest in spending time that way.

There are still ways to make a relationship work if you’re at different stages in your lives.

That doesn’t necessarily mean that the relationship can’t work, just because you have some different interests, however. Dr. Jill A. Murray , a licensed psychotherapist and author, told INSIDER that her husband is 10 years younger than her, and they don’t have the same taste in music. But they each have friends that they can talk about those kinds of things with, and it works for them.

“If you’re dating someone with a big age difference, remember the reasons why you are drawn to that person,” Christie Tcharkhoutian MA, MFT, a marriage and family therapist and professional matchmaker at Three Day Rule , told INSIDER. “Maybe you are very mature, and individuals your age aren’t able to connect with you on a deeper level. Maybe you have a fun, energetic side and you haven’t been able to find a partner your age with similar interests and activities.”

Tcharkhoutian (and other experts) advised that you do some reflection about what you want in the relationship so that you’re clear on that and can remind yourself of it when necessary.

Make sure your values, morals, and life goals match up.

“If you want the relationship to be long-term, then make sure that your values, morals, and life goals match up,” Laura Bilotta , a matchmaker, dating and relationship expert, and author, told INSIDER.

Bilotta mentioned a few specific questions to ask yourself before diving into something. Things like future goals, where you want to live, if you want a family, if you want religion to be part of your life, and if you see this person fitting in with your family and friends.

It’s also important to consider what your relationship will look like down the line. “Big age differences aren’t as noticeable when you’re both middle-aged but what happens once one of you is a senior and the other isn’t?,” Bilotta said. “These are the big picture questions that need to be thought about before you decide to spend your life together.”

If you agree with each other on the big things, smaller things like having different tastes in music likely won’t be as big of a deal. Just like in any relationship, you don’t have to (and won’t) agree on everything all the time. Although it might seem like you’re farther apart on some topics than you would be if you’re closer in age, other factors besides age might play a role in that.

Be prepared for others to comment on your relationship.

Catherine Silver, LCSW , a licensed clinical social worker, told INSIDER that there’s a good chance that people will have opinions about your relationship.

“They’ll ask questions, they’ll make comments that are probably pretty annoying, so be prepared with a response. Depending on who the person is, you might actually feel like you can get into an explanation of the relationship, but other times, it might not feel necessary, so just to be prepared with that,” she said.

Make sure that the dynamic in the relationship is equal and that one partner doesn’t hold power over the other.

Murray also noted that it’s important for each partner to avoid mothering the other, regardless of who’s older or younger in the relationship. It can be difficult for those who take on that role even among friends to not act that way with their significant other, but she said that it’s important to try to refrain. Sometimes mothering can turn into holding power over your partner, which isn’t a healthy behavior.

Murray advised considering why your partner might be with you and why they’re dating someone who’s either older or younger than they are.

“They can be a mentor, they can be a guide, they can be a helpmate on things that they’ve experienced already that you haven’t, or they can be using you to be the more powerful person in the relationship,” she said.

And if the older person that you’re dating is using the relationship for, as Murray put it, “power and control,” they might not actually be in the relationship for the right reasons.

Murray said that if you notice your partner putting you down, scolding you, or making you feel small more often than not, that could be a red flag that the relationship isn’t loving and is doing you more harm than good.

While it’s important to consider the age gap in your relationship, it shouldn’t be the only thing you focus on.

Considering the ways that your age difference might play out or affect your relationship is a good idea, but unnecessarily dwelling can turn it into a negative when it doesn’t necessarily need to be.

“Because it’s human nature that, whenever there’s a conflict, you go to the most obvious difference between you and the other person to blame for it, and that can very much so be the person’s age, when it might not actually be the issue,” Silver said.

And when problems arise (or perhaps to prevent them from arising), communication is vital. Cohan said that communication and problem-solving skills can help you succeed, just as they would in any other relationship.

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How to be prepared for the dating world

How to be prepared for the dating world

1. You’d better be prepared to look at the world/movies/TV shows/everything more closely than you used to. There might be a movie that you really love that you never noticed was super-crazy sexist, and you need to at least be open to hearing her explain why it is and looking at it from another perspective. I dated a guy who hated when I would do this and you will never guess how quickly I dumped him because haha no.

2. If you don’t identify as a feminist already, you should figure out why that is before going for her. Do you think she should make less than you make for doing the exact same job? No? Then you’re a feminist. This is not difficult, Jeremy.

3. You’re not necessarily going to offend her because she’s a feminist and you paid for her tea. I had a guy buy me an iced tea once and he acted like he wasn’t sure whether to pat himself on the back for being such a good guy or apologize for acting like he owned me. My tea was $1.50, dude. Calm down. If you’re doing a nice thing because you want to do a nice thing, I will love that. Who wouldn’t?

4. Please at least know some basic women’s history. See: Leslie Knope being pissed Officer Dave didn’t know who Madeline Albright was or me being pissed that a guy doesn’t know what riot grrrl music is.

5. “So do you hate men?” is a “joke” she has heard about 5,000 times. And if you make it, I will think you are both uncreative and kind of a dick. Like, are you serious? It’s not 1962 (and let’s be honest, no one thought it was funny then either.)

6. She thinks she’s just as entitled to an orgasm as you are, which will make sex really fun if you’re good in bed or very confusing if you’re not. One time I literally sat on a hookup’s bed after they’d had an orgasm and said, “I didn’t come. I’m not leaving this room until I do,” and I waited. Ohhhh, I waited.

7. It’s fine if you hold the door for her. Just don’t act totally shocked when she’s equally as polite and holds it for you.

8. She will debate anyone she meets who says they aren’t a feminist or expresses anti-feminist sentiments. It might be your dumb-dumb friends, it might be a random guy who said something shitty at a bar we’re at, but it could happen. I never pick fights with anyone, but I’m also not afraid to calmly call someone out for saying something bigoted and frankly, you shouldn’t be either.

9. You’d better be aware of what male privilege is and that you have it. One time my guy friend said to me, “Oh man, male privilege sounds nice. Wish I had some of that. Haha,” and I almost threw him across the room. It’s real. If you’re a guy, you have it. Next topic.

10. Any lingering anti-feminist beliefs you may still have can and will be challenged. And rightfully so. Ideally, you’d just take an interest in feminism on your own because everyone should, but if you’re going to be dating me, I’m definitely going to call you on the bullshit you may knowingly or unknowingly still say from time to time. Thank her for this. She’s going to save you from making a horrible rape joke in public (aka making any rape joke in public.)

11. She’s happy to teach you about feminism if you’re happy to learn. If you think Beyoncé can’t dance in a revealing outfit and call herself a feminist, you are wrong, but I’m happy to explain to you why that is if you actually want to know. Why? Because I like you.

12. Never, ever, ever tell her about how men are discriminated against too. This isn’t a competition for which gender had been treated more unfairly, but if it were, women will win every time.

13. If you seriously believe we’re all equal and feminism is unnecessary, keep walking. Also, what are you even doing with your life? Clearly it is not “reading literally any news website.”

14. She really, truly believes in equality for all. Feminists are the most amazing people on the planet because we believe in equality for all genders, races, sexual orientations, you name it. Seriously, would you want to date someone who believed anything less? No? Then it’s good that you picked me.

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