Maybe even worth reading – though that is probably based on opinion. 🙂
I am told that when I was a young child, I was strange. I refused to wear anything but dresses, but then I also demanded the right to climb trees, so my mother solved this problem by getting me bloomers to match each of my dresses. (My daughter also has this same issue, so I just make sure she’s always wearing shorts beneath her dresses.)
There was this issue, along with my mother’s love of putting curlers in my hair at night. The top of my hair didn’t curl, of course, but the bottom did – making me look like a 5-year-old Princess Leia, except with curls instead of buns. This, I suppose, was my first girly-girl stage. I begged to wear make-up, and was obviously told no, but… on to the years I actually remember.
I suppose I eventually rebelled, because all I can really remember is wearing jeans with holes in the knees, and ratty t-shirts through my middle school and high school years. I wore no makeup, avoided perfumes, my hair was always in a ponytail or beneath a hat, I wore mandles more than sandles, and getting me in a dress was like trying to dress a skunk in a tutu. The picture to the right shows my thrilled expression given when I was told I needed to wear anything to make me resemble a girl.
When I was 19 (a month from turning 20), I got married. I looked like a girl there, but I swear it was someone else’s doing. Tiffany did wonders with my makeup, and I spent countless hours in a beautician’s chair to get my hair to look decent. I think it included about five full cans of hairspray, as well. How do I know? Well, it took me about three showers to get my hair to come down after the ceremony. I took all of the bobby pins out (I counted 33 of them), and the hair stayed exactly in place. That was some majorly strong hairspray!
The “looking like a girl” only lasted for the ceremony, however. During the rehearsal, I was up to my usual very mature and lady-like tricks. As you can likely see, the whole looking like a girl was just a one day illusion.
As I became older, I met a friend named Rhonda. She did a lot in trying to get me to be a girl again. She bought me pink things, encouraged me to do my makeup and hair, and I started dying my hair – just for fun! It lasted through my pregnancy (whom she was there for me whole time – love that woman), and I even had to wear a formal for Prom while all rounded. I swear I wasn’t high school age here – I just happened to be a teacher and I had to go. At this point, I was 23, almost 24.
See? This was taken two months (about) before I had the babies, and I totally looked like a girl. The day before I had my babies, though, I went completely biker chick. My husband wanted to have one last splurge before every cent we made turned into taking care of the kids, so he got himself a motorcycle. And I posed on it. Le rawr?
After my pregnancy, however, I was back to normal. Ponytails, ill-fitting clothing, and now deep circles under the eyes could be added. (Yay for having twins!) I dressed like a girl for work, of course, because I had to. However, hair was always back, and makeup was never present. Heck, I was doing all I could to drag myself out of bed every morning, actually dolling myself up was far too much to ask for.
As the children grew, I didn’t get any more girly (at first). We took them to Disneyland when they were 3 years old, and I think people wondered if I’d been a teenager when I had them. (I think they also thought my husband was my father – but that’s beside the point.) It might have been the visor, the tucked under pigtails, and the clothes that caused these images. My husband and I had already been two years before, so we at least knew what we were doing while carrying around incredibly excited three year olds.
I made a lot of life changes between the years of 26 and 29. I went through some rough times, and I grew more in those three years than I had in, perhaps, my entire lifetime up until that point. (Uhm, emotional/spiritual/maturity growth – not height. Man, would that have been weird! Though, I suppose I did also grow a little bit around the middle.) I grew as a person, as a mother, and as a (GASP!) woman.
Suddenly, dresses weren’t so taboo anymore – darn that I didn’t wear them so long, though. Now my legs refuse to tan, or even freckle!
Suddenly, makeup wasn’t so evil. In fact, I buy far too much of it, and I greatly enjoy playing with it to look for new “looks”, or even just to be silly.
Suddenly, I really, really liked jewelry. Really, really, really!
So, now, I greatly enjoy doing my makeup, and now I love feeling all.. spiffy when wearing a pretty dress. So, I suppose this is just a notice to all you mothers who are worried that there is no hope for your tomboy daughters. There is hope! Hey, I had to be nearly 30 before I finally became a girl again. (Hey, my birthday was a few days ago – feel free to send me some jewelry for a present, if you’d like! And… I swear I’m still 29. For the next five years, at least, I’m 29.)
How you exactly define a “girly girl” or “tomboy”? Also, how do you call one girl that doesn’t fit as any or fit equally both? picture to decorate Because I see many questions about it, but I feel like most girls aren’t specially girly or tomboyish, but more mixed. A girl can be very femenine looking and then have a very masculine personality or the other way.
I mean, a girl could wear femine clothes mixed with masculine clothes, she never wear heels or ballerina shoes but always trainers but with dresses and baggy manly jackets but her hair is long and decorated with bows and cute stuff and then her personality. she likes videogames and studies robotic engineering, loves watching football matches but also loves going to theater to enjoy musicals and read romantic stories. Would she be girly or a tomboy?
Anyway, I’d like to see your own thoughts and definitions. Every opinion is welcomed! Thanks in advance ?
Most Helpful Girls
Would you say most girls fall in between? Because I know many femenine looking girls who are very noisy and energetic, or tomboy girls who are very shy ans not necessarily energetic.
I’ve never met a shy tomboy, if a girl wears only pants, that doesn’t make her a tomboy, she could be just a nerdy girl who wants to look more serious or intellectual.
But yeah, I agree with you, there are lots of girls who are a combination of both.
Try finding a comfortable in between and do not buy anything that is not you.
If you only find a couple things then only buy a couple things. Maybe some tank tops that are more on the girly side.
Oh and you will love capri’s they are so comfortable and you don’t even think about them being girly. They are as comfortable as guys cargo pants. I love the capris with the drawstrings up the side.
You can find stuff that is rather tomboyish yet girly.
Use this for a guide, some tomboyish type things that a guy wouldn’t be caught dead in.
I mostly wear sweats, flannels and levi jeans mostly but I like SOME girly girl things
I like Mudd’s clothing.
I’m not clear on this. Sometimes we get to a point where we want to make a change but we are worried how other people will react. If you truly want to look and feel more feminine, it’s just about trying things that you think look how you’d like to look – things that express the feminine side you’d like to show the world. So, for example, maybe you want to do your nails but you feel a little self conscious about doing this long red talons. Just be subtle and natural about it – have them pretty short – just past your finger tips a little tiny bit – and get a french manicure, or a pale, neutral shade of polish. It looks feminine but it’s natural and not loud looking.
As for clothes and shoes and stuff, if you really like being comfortable, make comfort a requirement. Just look for some cute details you like – like instead of manly t-shirts, choose a t-shirt made for a girl. Doesn’t have to be pink and flowered to be feminine. It can be the cut or the neckline, or a detail on the sleeve or whatever.
As for hair, there are so many choices. Get some ideas from books, ask for advice at a great salon. Or ask someone who has a really cute haircut where they go, or what they think you should do with your hair. Fashionable girls often love to play the fashion consultant to other girls.
As for makeup, a little goes a long way. If you want to wear makeup but are nervous, start with sheer lip gloss that’s just a little deeper color than your natural lip color, and some mascara. When you get comfortable with that, try something else – some concealer for blemishes, or a little blush. Go to a fancy department store and see what they suggest. Bobbie Brown makes a really natural looking line that’s supposed to make a woman look more polished and feminine but not overdone or fake. The products are expensive but you can see what they do and then try cheaper brands from a drug store.
Now that said, if your whole objective is to fake it for a day to swindle grandma into spending money on you, it’s dishonest. Or if you feel you have to change who you are to be accepted and are not interested in trying this, be honest. One way around it is just to say, “Grandma, I’m just not ready for all that” and put it off.
I get a sense though that you are uncomfortable with the idea of being a girly girl, but also want to be more feminine in your appearance than you look now. That’s typical, particularly of young teenage girls, and there’s nothing awkward about it. it’s fun.
Your grandma may have some ideas that are out of date, so one thing you could do is start with lunch and get some teen girl magazines and look through them together – have her mark pages she likes, and you mark what you like. Then you’ll have some idea what kind of things you want to look for. It can be easier if you have an idea in mind of the kind of cute clothes you see on other girls and like.
Take care, and have fun—it’s just fashion, and it’s not permanent!
What’s up readers, it’s Brandon! Before we begin, I just want to say that I usually answer one letter at a time. But this week, there were three letters about the same question. I did this since it helps to know you’re not alone and that other people struggle with the same issue.
So, here are the letters:
I adore sports, especially football! The problem is, um…I’m a GIRL. Boys think I’m cool, but other girls are a completely different story. They say I’ve got issues ‘cause I’m a “tomboy.” They also say that girls should be cute, fashionable and not too sporty (like I am). I used to be proud of who I am, but not so much anymore. Should I stop playing sports?
I’m a tomboy at an all-girls school, which makes it hard for me to fit in. Sometimes, other girls tease me and make fun of me for who I am. My family doesn’t support me either. Sometimes I feel so depressed. I love my style and don’t want to change. Do you have any tips?
Uncool At School
Okay, my friends. These letters all came in within a couple days of each other, all from different people. So, first thing’s first: If you feel like the only “tomboy” or “girly girl” who doesn’t fit in, you’re not alone.
I think feeling like you don’t fit in is super common at our age. Whether you feel like you’re not girly enough, not sporty enough, not pretty enough, not funny enough…the list goes on and on, for guys AND girls. (Though more for girls, I think? I feel like more is expected of you all. I’m super sorry about that. It seems like a lot of pressure.)
First, let’s address feeling like you’re not “girly” enough. Or too much of a “tomboy,” whatever that means.
It’s not so much an issue when we’re younger, right? For example, little girls can play soccer, run around in overalls and sneakers, and play in the mud like it’s no big deal. But as we get older, expectations of what it means to be a boy or a girl get stricter.
It can be a problem for us guys, too—if we’re more artistic than sporty, sensitive, or whatever—we could get teased for that. Which is totally unfair!
But like, who said being a girl means you HAVE to be fashionable—and exactly the right amount of fashionable, or else you’re vain and obsessed with your look and TOO girly—or you can’t love football or soccer? It’s like lots of people think that. But who made those rules? Because they’re really stupid rules.
And honestly, I think “tomboy” is a weird name. (Not that I’m judging you guys if you always use that word—it’s a word we ALL use. But it’s not really necessary if you ask me.)
If you happen to be a guy, well then cool! You’re a guy. But if you’re a girl who happens to like things society has said are “for guys”…that doesn’t make you some form of boy. It just makes you a girl who likes sports, comic books, casual clothes or whatever.
Nikki gets letters from boys asking if it’s okay that they read Dork Diaries because it’s “for girls”. Of course it’s okay! And Dork Diaries isn’t just for girls, either. It’s for anyone who enjoys it. ?
Let’s just stop with all this “for boys ONLY” and “for girls ONLY” nonsense.
So NO, I don’t think any of you should stop enjoying sports, force yourself to wear makeup, or somehow become less girly/more boyish. Don’t try to be anyone other than who you are. I think you’ll be miserable if you force yourself to be who other people want you to be.
Hey, know what middle school is like. I know how hard it is to be different. It’s part of why I shared all three letters today. I wanted to show that you might be different from some kids, but you are not the only one who feels that way.
I suggest that you find people who are like you and accept you as you are. Then let the support from those genuine friends lift you up when other people try to put you down.
You can absolutely be friends with boys. But you might find more support and feel less alone if you also befriend girls with similar interests. So that might mean joining a sports team or a club for girls. They’re out there, I promise, even if they’re not offered at your school. You can find programs like Girls Who Code or Girls on the Run.
About family support—it’s tough, but I encourage you to be honest with your family. Find ways to connect with them that aren’t about changing who you are. For instance, if your mom isn’t girly and you’re all into that stuff, there has to be other stuff you have in common. Maybe you both love board games, books or volunteering at a soup kitchen. Find the things you can do together! It’ll build your relationship and you’ll feel less anxious about the other stuff. Whether it’s your mom or whoever, your family member will understand better who you are, and I bet you’ll learn some things about that family member, too!
I hope this helps. I promise you’re not alone, and I bet you’ll realize that even more after reading the comments.
HAI EVERY 1 Glitch here! now me as to being a tomboy i know a few stuff about how to stop your girlyness
1.)ditch the dresses/skirts/jewelry/heels/purses
yes i know very sad but i’m not saying like throwing it out or anything! but try not to use those.
2.)new hairstyle and color!
exciting right?! wrong or how you would see it -_-.no i don’t mean getting some curly hairstyle and stuff but what i mean is maybe again it could be that but heres my perspective if i want to be a tomboy:i would want straight short black hair.realize i’m emphasizing the style,lenght and color of the hair,to be of fact i don’t really think going curly or wavy blonde is the way to go.but its your style but i recommend to lessen the curls/waves
3.)no girly make up
i know we all love/like make up but you have to leave it,you can wear it but i recommend something not that pink or girly like:pink blushes,eyeliner,red lipstick and foundation.as tomboys you have to accept our flaws and the way we look,its our own natural beauty so we have to show it.other then that you can wear some darker tone like some purple eyeshadow and etc.other then that i would show off my natural beauty
super exciting! but to sad you can’t shop at a girly store 🙁 but for the sake of being a tomboy you might want to pick up some hoodies,t-shirts,tank tops,jeans,some cool ass shades,shorts and these jean like skirts. (i call them jean skirts.pls comment what they’re called >.
Should I be worried that my daughter might be “transgendered” because she likes to dress and act like a boy and spends a lot of time playing sports with her dad? After watching a television talk show on this subject, I’ve begun to wonder whether there might be something more to her behavior than mere “tomboyishness.” Do you think she needs counseling?
There may be a simple explanation for your daughter’s behavior. In some cases a girl can act like a tomboy simply because she’s wired that way. In other words, her temperament pre-disposes her to embrace behaviors that our culture tends to think of as more “masculine” than “feminine.” Perhaps she’s just extremely energetic or athletic. If this is the case, it has nothing to do with homosexuality or transgenderism. Most “tomboys” of this type eventually grow into healthy women who have no trouble whatsoever embracing their femininity.
If you and your husband decide that your daughter is just an adventurous, athletic girl, there are still some things you can do to encourage her to embrace her innate femininity. But before moving ahead, it’s important to make sure that you’re both on the same page regarding your assessment of her behavior, the goodness of femininity, and the best way to affirm and encourage her. Strong disagreements in any of these areas may indicate that you need to get some help for yourselves as a couple.
It’s wonderful that your daughter is so close with her dad. We wouldn’t change a thing as far as that’s concerned. But it would be a good idea for him to encourage her to spend more time with you and with other girls. He should also make an intentional effort to say and do things that bless and affirm her femininity. And it’s extremely important that he demonstrate love, affection and respect for you. Negative, abusive, and critical actions and words from a husband to a wife send very strong messages to a girl. Remember, your marriage relationship models gender roles. From your daughter’s perspective, it’s a picture of how men and women are supposed to interact and an indication of the relative value of masculinity and femininity. Naturally, this also suggests that you need to be deliberate about expressing love, support, affirmation, and respect for your husband.
In the meantime, start looking for creative ways to draw your daughter closer to you. There’s an art to fostering a successful mother-daughter bond. Don’t try to force it, and don’t attempt to relate to her only by way of “girly” things. Instead, do your best to meet her where she is – even if that means being flexible enough to join her or support her in the world of sports and outdoor activities.
Most importantly, let your daughter know that you accept her for who she is and that you want to be a part of her life. Find activities that you both enjoy, even if they’re not so-called “feminine” activities. She needs a warm, nurturing, available female role model, and God has called you to fill that position. She also needs someone who can teach her about God’s design for sex and sexuality. If there are issues in your own background that prevent you from doing these things, we’d recommend that you seek counseling yourself.
On the other hand, if you believe that the causes of your daughter’s tomboy behavior may run deeper than this, it would be a good idea to take a closer look. Not all girls who are tomboys grow up to be lesbian-identified. However, it is true that many women who are lesbian-identified had questions about their gender in their youth, some to the point of identifying strongly with boys and rejecting their femininity.
This frame of mind, in its most extreme form, has been labeled Gender Identity Disorder (GID) by the American Psychiatric Association. GID is about three times more common in boys than in girls. The markers determining whether a girl has GID include:
- Repeated desire to be a boy
- Insistence that she is a boy
- Only wearing boy’s clothes
- Strong, ongoing preference for being a boy in make-believe games or fantasy
- Wanting only to play with boys
Besides acting like boys and expressing a desire to be boys, girls with GID generally evidence a great dislike of femininity. This could include:
- Stating that she does not want to grow breasts or menstruate
- Asserting that she will grow a penis
- A marked aversion to feminine clothing
Usually these markers show up early in a girl’s life, and are persistent and strong. They can include a powerful denial of reality (namely, the reality that she is a girl); rejection of her own femininity; idealization and coveting of masculinity; and fantasies about being a boy.
If this profile seems to fit your daughter, we’d encourage you to have her evaluated by a professional counselor. As a matter of fact, we’d strongly recommend that you consider group counseling for the entire family. Call Focus on the Family’s Counseling department to discuss the details of your situation and to ask for a list of qualified therapists working in your area.
If a title is currently unavailable through Focus on the Family, we encourage you to use another retailer.
As a teenager, I was quite proud of the fact that I hardly ever wore frilly dresses and played field hockey. I could not, and had zero desire to, relate to the cheerleaders at school. I never rushed a sorority and if I’m honest, deliberately did not befriend girls who did. Even now, I only wear makeup for special occasions and don’t know the difference between foundation and primer. I’m a tomboy and always have been. Super girly things make me uncomfortable. But here’s the kicker: I have two daughters, one of whom is the epitome of a girly girl.
This tomboy has no idea what she’s doing raising a girly girl. Like, zero.
My oldest, who is eight years old, loves princess dresses, dolls, all my high heeled shoes, and makeup. I don’t let her wear makeup, but it doesn’t stop her from asking. She has long, beautiful hair that I’m terrible at doing pretty things with. During her preschool days, all the cute little girls in her class wore these giant bows every day in their hair that confounded me. Why, just why?
My daughter loves to wear skirts and dresses, no matter the season. I was on a work trip during the winter and my husband sent me a photo of my daughter in the snow wearing a skirt. To his credit, she did have on pants under it. She even wears skirts when we go hiking.
As any mother, I love my child with all my heart. Along with her sister, she is my most precious gift. But I look at her some days and just hope I’m not messing up too terribly.
My mom was a super girly girl who tried her best to make me presentable as a kid. It wasn’t easy for her, so I imagine she is in heaven chuckling over my current conundrum. Kids have a lot to teach their parents. Accepting who she is right now is the lesson I’m currently being taught by my daughter.
As a parent, I have learned that you need to let your child blossom into what she is meant to be. You need to nurture her and care for her, but be able to back off a bit and let her develop into herself. She’s not me, and I cannot expect her to be.
I can’t make my child stop wearing skirts everywhere, and I wouldn’t want to do that because that’s her style.
I’ve tried to find a balance between exposing her to things I enjoy, like the great outdoors (and pants), while also letting her partake in things she enjoys, like princesses and glittery bows, because she loves all things pretty and pink.
I’ve taken her to princess tea parties for her birthday and watched her face light up when Rapunzel gave her a hug. I’ve snapped a hundred photos every Halloween when she chooses to be a different princess every year. I’ve sat still as she practiced French braids in my hair. I’ve been speechless when she walks better in my own heels than me.
She’s teaching me that the love of all things girly isn’t a terrible thing. I’m even starting to regret making fun of the cheerleaders in high school. I’m also learning how to keep quiet and pick my battles. So she wants a Barbie and a giant bag of bows for her birthday? I can deal with that. But wanting to wear lipstick to school (or anywhere)? That’s a no.
I give her credit for wildly surprising me, too. She went to a summer camp where they did no girly things at all. It was an adventure camp where the kids learned about building character and self-esteem but also how to shoot a bow and arrow, as well as BB guns. When it came time for awards at the end of the week, my little princess earned a sharpshooter award. She couldn’t stop talking about how much she loved learning to use a bow.
For me, this was my comfort zone. I could talk about this stuff and ask relevant questions and understand where she was coming from.
I also came away from that week with a deeper understanding about my daughter—that she is just as excited about being a sharpshooter as she is dancing with a princess at a tea party. Those two sides don’t have to be opposed to each other either. They can co-exist even in the same person. What a cool lesson to learn from your child.
Makeup and high heels won’t ever be my thing, but raising a girly girl with an openness to a world where princesses shoot arrows is something I can get used to.
Editors’ Note: Share your own Making of a Mom story here.
This is my transformation from a “Tomboy” to a “Girly Girl”.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Today was a starting point for my transformation. I actually wore my heeled shoes. I did keep them on all day, but my feet are a little sore. How do women wear these type shoes all the time? I wanted to take them off all day long, but I didn’t. My hair was another story. I struggled all day long to keep it down. Every time I pulled it up, I forced myself to pull it back down. Right now is another story, it’s pulled up and away. I can cheat right now right?
I was asked by a good friend of mine, Brian, what was up with the hair and shoes? I told him my goal of becoming more “girly”. He started to laugh at me and asked why in the world I would want to do that. We work together, so after I explained, he understood. Then he said the funniest thing I heard today, “I think your girly when you were in that camo coveralls with matching rubber boots”. I about fell on the floor laughing. We both are hunters, so it was hilarious to think I can skin and gut a deer but I struggle in heels.
Tomorrow I’m going to seek out advice. Faith is around my age and works at our company. She is always bright, makeup perfect, clothes that compliment her, and she looks confident. I want her help with this change.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Research on being a “girl” or “woman” can be a big pain! For my first day I have realized that my hair and shoes are a good place to start.
I have split ends all over and it could look another way then in a pony tale.
Here is what I purchased for my hair:
Inner Hair Deep Repair by Organics
Straightening Serum Heat Protector by IC
Not sure if either of these products are worth a flip but we will see.
I have the most comfortable dock shoes in the world. Is that because they are too broke in, I’m sure it is. I purchased some new shoes that have a heel and are dressy if you ask me. I hope my feet can make it in my new shoes tomorrow.
We will start at the beginning of the tomboy life. I was 5 years old when I had my first best friend, a boy named Kyle. I was a typical little girl when we meet. I liked dolls, my cat, wearing dresses, and playing with dishes. Everything changed once we became friends, and it’s taken me a lifetime to see it.
Kyle was a typical boy. He played with cars on the manhole cover in the dirt. He liked to catch crawfish, and he loved the new “MTV”. We decided to play one day, and the next thing you know we are inseparable. We will fast forward to 6. My dad worked his butt off to build my very own playhouse. It was complete with the little kitchen and pretty pink and yellow paint. I can still see it sitting in the back yard when he showed it to me. My very own playhouse for my birthday! Every other little girl would have died for it, I could really have cared less. It was for a girl, and I’m not a girl! Kyle and I decide we were going to have some fun in it. We got out our crayons and started to draw the Guns n Roses cover on the wall. Then it became our little lounge, complete with us catching it on fire. We put it out, but we did torch the floor. We were typical boys, only I was a girl.
Fast forward to the summer before 5th grade. We moved away and I no longer had my best friend. My buddy who was always in everything with me, gone in the sale of our house. No more finding a dead gator in the sewer and trying to fish it out. No more riding our bikes to torture the bull, no baseball, no crawfishing, and no more Kyle. What was I going to do? We moved to a new part of the city and I was too far away from all my friends I grew up with. Okay, I’ll just make new friends and visit the other ones. We moved to a street that had one child on it, a girl! No the torment, a girl! What did she know about fun boy things? Not a lot that’s for sure. Jen did come around to doing more fun things, but still had some girly qualities I never understood. Why did she like her moms makeup.
Fast forward to 18. I’m graduating high school and joining the Army. Yes, I’ve had boy friends, but I’m not a girly girl. I didn’t think about girl stuff, like magazines and makeup. Once I got into the Army I felt better about not liking all the girl things, because lets face it, you don’t do girly things in basic training. I’m back to comfortable boy life again!
Now I’m 29. Life turns out so strange. I have no female friends, and a ton of male friends. I’m married to my best friend, and have a son. I’ve been known to start a fight with a JR fan at Talledaga, and kick a windshield out of a car. I can drown a beer with a shot of jack, then take a dip. I steal my husbands shirts and never wear my own. I’m still a tomboy and I’m 29! If for some strange reason I have to dress up, all the guys ask who I am. They say that’s not me, and they could never be more correct. I’m more comfortable with my hair in a pony tail, no make up, and a fight then I could ever be in a pair of heels.
The DEAL. I have to become comfortable as a girly girl. The economic crisis has impacted our company like many others. My role has been shifted and now I’m taking on some sales duties. I cannot walk into our customers office wearing a guys polo and my wore out dock shoes. I need to be comfortable looking like a girl. This is my transformation from a tomboy to a girly girl.