How to convince your parents to let you have a sleepover with guys

In this manner, how do you convince your parents to let you have a sleepover on a school night?


  1. Ask your parents when they are in a good mood.
  2. Ask to have the sleepover at a convenient time.
  3. Be polite instead of demanding.
  4. Keep the first sleepover simple.
  5. Offer to do something kind in exchange.
  6. Show them that it will be a good opportunity for you to socialize.

Also, are sleepovers dangerous? Yes, tragic things happen. But raising our children in a culture of fear is unhealthy and unhelpful. When we overdo it with limits to sleepovers (or playing outside, or catching the bus to school, or whatever), we teach our children that the world is scary and unsafe, and that people aren’t trustworthy.

Regarding this, how do I get my friends mom to say yes?

Show respect to your mother and she will most likely say yes. Always obey them then you’ll earn it. Even if they say “no” to something, remind them your good grades from school or that you’ve been doing your chores every day. Don’t keep nagging at her; she’ll get mad and annoyed and will refuse to do what you want.

What do u do at sleepovers?

29 Fun Things to Do at a Sleepover for an Unforgettable Night

  • Transform your living room into a salon.
  • Plan a themed movie marathon.
  • Make a movie.
  • Serve popcorn for breakfast.
  • Set up a personalized pillowcase station.
  • Throw an indoor beach party.
  • Break out the karaoke machine.
  • Dish up a midnight snack.

on thursday my boyfriend is coming round to a bonfire thing my family is having, which is all fine.
hes got work in the morning near me, so I asked my parents if he can stay over to make it easier for him, so he doesnt have to go home late thursday night (which is 2 buses away) and come all the way back up here early friday morning.

despite us being together for 2 years, and me staying at his 2/3 times a week, and him staying here when my parents are away (which they know about) they wont let him stay on thursday.

I understand the ‘their house their rules’ mentality, but I think they are being quite unreasonable, I am 19 years old, and responsible enough not to be going at it all night when my mum and dad are in the next room.

any advice as how to convince them to let him stay?

My mother still won’t let my girlfriend stay over my house on grounds of “there’s nowhere for her to sleep”. My dad is far cooler about things and let’s her stay over his house.

You could try what a friend did, shock tactics, “Mam, we have sex, don’t be so naive and grow up.” It didn’t work with his mother, but maybe it will on yours.

yeah in my bed, ive even suggested we sleep with the door open, if they are that concerned.

I do understand that itd be weird for them, but I stay at his so often and they know hes here whenever they go away, just for practicalities sake itd make sense for him to stay!

I have quite a good relationship with my mum too, I dont know why she doesnt trust me with this.

punky rocker – I could try the ‘why dont you trust me ‘ face.

From the way they have let him stay when they are away, and that they have no problem you staying with him, it just seems they don’t want to be in the house should you have sex – psychologically that can be rather weird for parents (even if in this case it’s more for logistics, which is absolutely fine). Perhaps explain that to them, and that for one night you are quite capable of not doing anything.

But if they say no, after you’ve been that candid, I would leave it. I know that can be annoying at 19, especially when you have the freedom you already possess, but it’s only one night and not worth risking it if a big hoohaa were to develop.

(Original post by Hubert Poo)
From the way they have let him stay when they are away, and that they have no problem you staying with him, it just seems they don’t want to be in the house should you have sex – psychologically that can be rather weird for parents. (even if in this case it’s more for logistics, which is absolutely fine). Perhaps explain that to them.

But if they say no, after you’ve been that candid, I would leave it. I know that can be annoying at 19, especially when you have the freedom you already possess, but it’s only one night and not worth risking it if a big hoohaa were to develop.

I think it is the sex thing – which is why ive suggested sleeping with the door open, im not trying to con them, we really wont have sex, I think itd be weird for me aswell with them next door.

good advice although its tempting to make a hoohaa. lol

“I am 19 years old, and responsible enough not to be going at it all night when my mum and dad are in the next room.”

So how much of the night are you gonna be ‘going at it’ for?

(Original post by lolablue)
I think it is the sex thing – which is why ive suggested sleeping with the door open, im not trying to con them, we really wont have sex, I think itd be weird for me aswell with them next door.

good advice although its tempting to make a hoohaa. lol

I think the door open thing is going the right way about it. The hoohaa thing is that I’ve seen one or two peeps get into a tizz and all of a sudden the parents use it to justify why he can’t stay with “Oh well you’ve proved you’re not acting like an adult throwing a tantrum” etc. It may not be correct per se but if they’re determined they will use it. So don’t give them it.

You seem to have a very open and cordial relationship with your mum. Maybe take her aside without your dad and reiterate as bluntly as you can that you will not have sex. You’re 19, you’re in a stable relationship, and sleeping in the same bed does not always equate to sex; he is staying because you have things to do the following day and it makes practical sense.

Rationalise it that way and you may get some luck. But do stick to it.

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Going to a sleepover party can be a big deal for parents. Especially the first few times around. With the chance of drinking and even sex, parents have a lot to weigh when it comes to saying “yes.” But going to a sleepover is part of the childhood experience. Here are some tips on how you can get your parents to let you go to a sleepover.

Inform them where the sleepover will be occurring. For parents, it’s all about information. The more they have, the more comfortable they will feel with allowing you to go. Start by telling them whose house you’d like to sleepover at.

Tell them who and how many people will be there, whether it’s a big party or just a few friends. Tell them if it’s going to be boys and girls or simply one sex.

Keep them informed on what you will be doing at the sleepover. For instance, maybe you are going to a dance, and then back to a friend’s to watch a movie and then you’re going to crash there. Having a game plan will ease their mind that you will not be getting into mischief.

Encourage them to call the parents at the house where you want to stay over. Give them the contact information and let them call. This way they can have a conversation and ask any questions to the people who will be chaperoning.

Offer for them to hang out for a half hour or so when they drop you off. If they are still slightly uncomfortable, tell them they can drop you off and then meet the people of whose house you will be at. While it’s a bit of a drag to have them around, 30 minutes at the start of the night is better than not being able to go at all.

Give them a task to do for the sleepover. For instance, if this is a surprise party, tell them that you’re supposed to make cupcakes. They’ll be so worried about the cupcakes, they won’t even realize that the sleepover is something you were asking about.

Prove to them that you are responsible. If they initially say “no,” accept that answer without a fight (you don’t want to irritate them). Then ask to let you prove to them that you are responsible, prior to the party. Getting in a negotiation often leads to something that both parties want.

In 1987, my parents let my 17-year-old sisters’ boyfriend sleep over–in her room. This was the culmination of years of open discussion in our house about sex and safety, and created a bond between us and our parents. A new study suggests that my parents were ahead of the curve in addressing teen sex.

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Picture this: It’s a Saturday night in 1987. I’m 14 (and clearly not so popular), wearing my favorite Benetton sweater, silver hoop earrings that almost reach my shoulders, and bleach-faded Guess jeans, and I’m folding laundry with my mother (as I said, not so popular). My 17-year-old sister comes downstairs from where she’s been hanging out with her boyfriend of maybe a year (her second serious high school boyfriend if memory serves me correctly).

“Hey Mom,” she says, “Can Dave sleep over? He has to work in the morning but his parents are having a party and he doesn’t think he’ll get any sleep if he goes home. He’ll sleep in the study.”

“He can sleep over,” my mom says without looking up from the towel she is folding, “but he might as well sleep in your room.”

My sister does a double take and then runs back upstairs quickly; presumably to deliver the good news before our mom has a change of heart. I stand, opened mouthed, staring at my mother in disbelief.

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“What?” she says, a tiny bit indignantly, “I don’t feel like washing an extra set of sheets and who are we kidding anyhow?”

This is one of my favorite stories about my mother and I tell it often but I was a little worried that she would be embarrassed by my telling it in such a public forum. Not so. When I reminded her of the laundry incident this morning she laughed: “Good for me,” she said, “After all, that’s how I made sure you weren’t doing it in the back seat of some car.”

An op-ed in Friday’s New York Times suggests that my mom made just the right call that night. For her upcoming book, Not Under My Roof: Parents, Teens and the Culture of Sex, Amy Schalet, an assistant professor of sociology at the UMass Amherst, interviewed 130 families – some here and some in the Netherlands – looking specifically at teenage sex and family life. She writes: “My look into cultural differences suggests that family life might be much improved, for all, if Americans had more open ideas about teenage sex.” And she points to “the sleepover” as a key point within “the larger world of culturally divergent ideas about teenage sex, lust and capacity for love.”

In the United States, she explains, “we see teenagers as helpless victims beset by raging hormones and believe parents should protect them from urges they cannot control.” Not allowing teenagers to sleep with a boyfriend/girlfriend at home is part of this protection. In contrast, Dutch parents “…regard teenagers, girls and boys, as capable of falling in love and of reasonably assessing their own readiness for sex.” She argues that: “Normalizing ideas about teenage sex in fact allows the Dutch to exert more control over their children.” She goes on to credit the sleepover, at least in part, for giving parents the opportunity to discourage promiscuous behavior, encourage contraception, and get to know their child’s partner.

Having grown up in a household that more closely models the Dutch attitude about sex than the American one, I would have to agree. My parents’ openness about sex did not start or end with allowing boyfriends to sleepover. When my sister and I were four and six we apparently waited until our mom went out so we could ask our dad about sex (and he answered). We discussed puberty and periods and tampons at the dinner table. My sister and I laughed at the commercials for douches and occasionally asked our mom (in random places like the cereal aisle at the supermarket) if she “ever got that not-so-fresh feeling.” On the suggestion of a gynecologist, my mother bought me my first container of contraceptive foam and together we were flummoxed by the instructions (neither of us realized it came with an applicator). When I was diagnosed with mononucleosis, also known as the “kissing disease,” and the pediatrician said there was a lot of it going around, my mom laughed at my joke “oh really, maybe I know them?” even when the doctor did not. And, when I called my mom hysterical from my sophomore year of college, she asked, as gently as she could, “Is there any chance that this could be the birth control pill playing with your emotions?” I denied it vehemently, “No, it’s not the pill, it’s my life, I hate my life,” but went back to the health center and asked to change to a different brand which cut significantly down on the water works.

In many ways, I credit their openness about sex with the closeness of our relationship. Don’t get me wrong, it was not the only conversation topic in our house but it set the tone. Nothing was off limits. And as such, I never lied to my parents. I know that sounds unbelievable but I really cannot remember ever lying to them, certainly never about where I was, who I was with, or what I was doing.

I am now the mother of two girls and many people tell me that I will feel differently when they grow up and start having sexual relationships. Maybe these people are right. Maybe I will want to lock them in their rooms, buy some chastity belts, and throw away all the keys. But I don’t think so. I think teen sex is an inevitable, important, and not inherently bad part of growing up. And, like my mother I would prefer that they do it here where they are safe than in the back seat of some car.

Last Updated: 20th November, 2021

In this manner, how do you convince your parents to let you have a sleepover with a boy?

The best way to convince your parents of anything is to talk with them in a direct way. Tell them you want to talk about having a coed sleepover and ask when would be a good time to talk. Respecting their time will show them your maturity and ability to handle a sleepover with boys and girls.

One may also ask, how do I convince my parents to let me go on my friends trip? Part 2Talking to Your Parents

  1. Introduce your friends to your parents.
  2. Find a good time to talk with your parents.
  3. Introduce the idea of the trip.
  4. Tell your parents why this trip is important to you.
  5. Show you parents the itinerary.
  6. Run over the budget.
  7. Ask your parents what they think.

Beside above, how can I force my mom to say yes?

Show respect to your mother and she will most likely say yes. Always obey them then you’ll earn it. Even if they say “no” to something, remind them your good grades from school or that you’ve been doing your chores every day. Don’t keep nagging at her; she’ll get mad and annoyed and will refuse to do what you want.

What do u do at sleepovers?

29 Fun Things to Do at a Sleepover for an Unforgettable Night

  • Transform your living room into a salon.
  • Plan a themed movie marathon.
  • Make a movie.
  • Serve popcorn for breakfast.
  • Set up a personalized pillowcase station.
  • Throw an indoor beach party.
  • Break out the karaoke machine.
  • Dish up a midnight snack.

1. Get Good Grades

2. Wait For The Right Time To Ask

Good timing: Here are some examples of good timing you can find the opportunity to ask the question

i. On weekends when your parents are free and not involved in work.
ii. Catch them in their best mood.
iii. On festivals such as Diwali, Christmas, and more.
iv. After you have achieved something such as good grades, a medal in sports, some extra money by doing a part-time job, or you didn’t spend the whole year and saved for the trip.

Bad timing: Here are some examples of bad timing that you should avoid

i. When they have come home just after work. This is a risky time as you never know, they could have had a bad work day.
ii. Don’t ask if you have fought with them recently or they have fought with each other.
iii.If they can’t pay for the trip or you have not saved any money at all.
iv. When they have just received the electricity bill.
v. When they have just received your cell phone bill.
vi. When they have just received any kind of bill!

3. Be At Your Best Behaviour

4. Do Your Research Well

In a parallel universe, your parents will say yes when you ask their permission for a trip without asking any questions. But sadly, that is not the case in the real world. Lay out all the details and get ready for a grilling session because your parents will inquire about each and everything related to the trip.

A. Cost of the trip
i. Cost for accommodation
ii. Cost for the commute – this includes flight fares, train tickets, bus tickets, car booking fees, and other transportation charges
iii. Cost for food
iv. Incidental costs – this includes the cost of tickets for attractions, entertainment, some shopping that you do over there, and more.
You have to make sure that everything is under the budget. Brownie points if you end up spending less than what your parents have allowed you to.

5. The Friends Involved In The Trip

6. Do Not Lie

If there’s one thing that Indian parents hate the most, it is lying. And we all know the punishment for lying; a flying chappal! So, don’t lie about your trip being an all guys/girls one. Let them know that the trip includes boys and girls both and there have been proper arrangements made for sleeping separately. Your honesty might become the ticket to your dream trip!

7. Promise Them You Will Stay In Constant Touch

You will let them know about your location, you will call them before sleeping every night, you will let them know about any last minute changes you are making to the trip, and you will let them know you are safe. These area few of the many things you should promise to your parents when you plead your case. This will assure them that you will be a responsible child on the trip.


8. Respect Their Decision

If you have done what’s stated above, chances are you will be granted the trip. In this case, rejoice and thank them. They also deserve to know that they are the best parents ever! But if things do go south and they reject your request, try again in some time. If they still don’t agree with you, understand what’s making them say “no” and try to mend things. If it’s still a no, then you must give up. There will always be a next time and they might allow you then. Don’t forget, Apna time aayega!


Do not go on the trip without their permission. This will get you in serious trouble. Not all moms are like Jaya Bachchan from K3G, ready to welcome her son back with an aarti plate. Your parents will lose trust in you and you will end up saying goodbye to all future trips, along with added punishments such as no allowances, no cell phone access, etc.

Indian parents may seem strict but at the end of the day, they love their children dearly. So give it all you have got and hope for the best!

This post was published by Yash Saboo

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How to convince your parents to let you have a sleepover with guys

My parents are way overprotective. There’s going to be a really cool sleepover but they won’t let me go, even though they’ve met the parents. They keep thinking something bad will happen. What should I do?

Hi Marien! Let me just start by saying I feel your pain!!

My mom actually made me do a “half over” once. And by that I mean, she dropped me off with a sleeping bag and my PJs, but then she picked me up three hours later because she didn’t know the parents really well.

I thought it was SO lame! No one even got into their pajamas until after I left.

When my mom brought up the idea, I wanted to say, “Sure, I’ll go for HALF the sleepover. Then how about YOU go for half your pedicure next week? No really, just do the right foot! Who cares if all the other moms do both? If they jumped off a bridge, would YOU. ”

But I didn’t say that, because I had a feeling I wouldn’t get to go at all if I did!

I REALLY wished my mom were as cool as the sleepover mom, who let all the kids go in the hot tub outside after midnight…ALONE!

When I heard about it the next day in school, I was SO bummed that I left before that!

But then I heard the rest of it: all of the girls accidentally got locked out of the house, because the cool mom had her own friends over and they were down in the basement watching a movie. One of the girls even got sick!

So what’s the moral of this story? Sometimes, crazy stuff goes down at the really cool sleepovers!!

I bet your parents have been to a couple like that or heard some stories, and that’s why they’re afraid!

Maybe you can convince them to let YOU do a half-over. I know, it’s kind of lame and embarrassing, but if they drop you off and check the situation out, they might feel comfortable letting you stay the whole night next time.

AND if you try to find a compromise instead of fighting them, they might think you’re super mature, which will go a long way the next time you want to do something they’re nervous about!

If they don’t agree to the half-over idea either, ask them if YOU can have a really cool sleepover. It will be pretty hard for them to keep you away from THAT one!

What do you guys think? Do you have any advice for Marien?


Sharing buttons:

00:08 and today and so we’ve had so many time

00:17 to do so much time to do collapse

00:18 because we’ve had two sleepers in a row

00:20 speaking of two sleepovers you know how

00:23 you want to know how we got length keep

00:26 watching keep watching it working number

00:28 one keep getting a sleep over

00:30 it’s too bad then if you guys the

00:34 parents are less willing to give you a

00:36 super because they want you they know

00:39 that so don’t

01:33 don’t do that because then they’re just

01:37 there when you beg input instead guys

01:42 what you can do is

01:48 just like this

02:10 as anything to do get that that usually

02:15 works but if that doesn’t work

02:18 is and actually yeah but but don’t make

02:33 it a regular tour you’ve tried this and

02:35 good work don’t say I’ll wash the dishes

02:51 – and we should always clean up after

02:52 yourself us they don’t want it again

02:55 this may not be important

02:57 that’s why not seem important but you

02:59 have to act good and actually clear

03:01 after yourself for because then they’ll

03:06 realize that it was really nice for

03:07 simple because cleaned up after yourself

03:09 you guys gone along this and that’s what

03:11 gives you a true basis over

03:17 that’s a good birthday get ready

03:21 earlier and go to your sleeping sisters

03:23 of my situation usually your hands on

03:27 the top floor

03:28 I’d recommend city basement because and

03:30 they can’t hear you as well as your

03:33 question yeah

03:51 down on your pajamas and they brush your

03:53 teeth but if you’re starting to eat and

03:54 don’t and get her pajamas in you can

03:57 either just place auditors do whatever

03:58 but you’re all ready for bed so that

04:01 really helps them a lot

04:04 one tip is to say we’ll get ready for

04:07 bed at 7 o’clock

04:12 yeah and also um don’t be loud this

04:16 report is to play outside and not being

04:21 if you do your parents are less willing

04:23 to give you support and not like glad

04:54 it’s number five you could make a video

04:58 so that’s what we did will show you the

05:01 video right now

06:02 so so we made an iMovie it was an iMovie

06:06 very simple you just go in trailer we

06:08 chose um the graduation day that blue

06:11 yeah then we just like put in stuff

06:13 because of coronavirus haven’t seen each

06:15 other in four months yeah so and then we

06:18 do it stuff and let me put like photos

06:20 of us yes sir and so also I mean every

06:24 obviously for make sure takes selfies of

06:26 each other having fun because if you do

06:28 that then you can do it for a future

06:30 sleepover video it’s also this iMovie

06:33 technique also works for playdates and

06:34 other times getting to you and if you

06:36 don’t want them if you don’t have iMovie

06:38 if you Samsom you just buy it quick as

06:40 your app and it’s really easy number six

06:56 our parents our friends so like it was

06:58 kind of easy for us always maybe just

07:02 finish some clothes and also be nice to

07:22 number seven ask your parents when

07:26 they’re in a good

07:52 so I was a lot I’m the one at her house

07:55 so I was so we said that my parents

07:59 could take a break from all kids

08:11 number nine is very important when you

08:15 get home and you say oh man do not let

08:17 me run around as much as you can

08:31 thank you guys so much for watching this

08:33 video we hope these tips help you

08:35 get your friend Stef asleep over make

08:38 sure to subscribe and like this video if

08:40 these were helpful you and we hope you


You’ve been texting your friend all week, planning a great night of fun over at her house this weekend. That’s the easy part. Now you have to convince your parents to let you go over there. If you’re lucky, you already have open lines of communication with your folks. In any case, think about how to approach the subject at a time and in a way that maximizes the chances they’ll be receptive to your request.

Demonstrate to your parents that you are responsible, trustworthy and mature enough to handle additional freedoms and privileges. Do your chores around the house without being asked, keep up your grades in school, follow house rules and come home from activities on time. This type of behavior makes it more likely your parents will be willing to listen to your request to go to your friend’s house because you’ve already demonstrated you are making good choices and being responsible. On the flip side, if you’ve just gotten in trouble with this same friend, had problems at another friend’s house or shown poor judgment in another area, it’s probably not the best time to ask for permission to go to your friend’s house.

Approach your parents at a time when they are relaxed, not busy with other important activities and have the time to talk — if they’re in the middle of a huge project or have just walked in the door after a long day at work, that’s not a good time. Talk to them when you’re doing the dishes together after dinner or relaxing in the family room later on. Don’t jump right into begging to go to your friend’s house. Instead, calmly point out recent positive developments in your behavior and ways you’ve shown greater responsibility. Thank them for the privileges you have recently been given. Then lead into the subject at hand: Tell them you have gotten to be good friends with Susie and you’d like the opportunity to spend more time together.

Present a specific request, such as asking if you could please go over to Susie’s house Friday evening to watch movies together, or on Saturday afternoon to hang out, give each other mani-pedis and cook dinner together. Be prepared for the questions you know they will ask, such as whether her parents will be there and what movies you plan to watch. You will improve your chances of getting to go if you have had your friend over to your house before so your parents will have had the chance to meet her and get to know her.

Remain calm if they say “no” at first. Calmly ask what concerns they have about you going over to your friend’s house. Ask them respectfully what type of things you could do to help them feel more comfortable with allowing you to go to Susie’s. For example, suggest she could come over to your house this coming weekend for a movie night or a family meal so your parents could get to know her and see that you and your friend can be trusted to follow the rules and get along with the family. Such steps might help change their initial “no” to an eventual “yes.”

One phone call can go miles when you are away from them and bridge the distance for a while.

How to convince your parents to let you have a sleepover with guys

We all know how are plans with our friends go, right? Most of us make grand plans to travel to Thailand or Europe, but ultimately land up going to a bar in your locality or a short weekend getaway. The most important reason for such cancellations are our parents not letting us go.

Here’s how you can convince your parents to make that trip happen.

1. Do your homework and share your plan

Do a thorough research on the destination you are travelling to. After you’ve chalked out an itinerary and made proper arrangements, share it with them so that they know your whereabouts.

2. Explain them the benefits of having a friend around while you travel

Having someone you know can help you in many ways when you’re travelling to an unknown place. A friend will always have your back when you’re in trouble. When you have a friend, you have a perfect travel companion.

3. This is the most important point – Assure them that you’ll always stay in touch with them

Parents feel very assured when their kids get in touch with them. No matter how old you get, they will never stop worrying about you. One phone call can go miles when you are away from them and bridge the distance for a while.

4. Share a few phone numbers with them

This is just a backup option for them when you aren’t in reach or are unavailable. This way they know that they have someone to reach out to in case of an emergency.

5. Make sure they know the friends you are travelling with

Having faith in your friends as much as they have faith in you, is an important factor. They feel more secured when they know the friends you are travelling with, because they are sure that your friends will take good care of you.

6. Lastly, keep calm and enjoy your vacay

Once you are through the first five steps, all you need to do is chill and have a great time with your friends.

How to convince your parents to let you have a sleepover with guys

Having difficulty communicating with parents is something many kids go through. As parents, there are things you can do so your children will listen more and really hear what you’re saying. But it’s definitely a two-way street — parents need to listen to what their children are saying too. Parents, share the following with your kids to help improve your communicating, and listening.

Talking with your parents isn’t really very different from talking with your friends.

Think about it. The friends you like the most probably are honest with you, show up on time when you have someplace to go, know when to back off because you need some space, and don’t try to act like people they’re not. So, you respect who they are, care about them and like to be around them.

Parents and teenagers can have the same kind of relationship. If there seems to be a breakdown in communication with your parents, here are some things to keep in mind:

  • Say what you mean, and be specific. Don’t say, “I hate French. The teacher’s a jerk, and everyone is flunking,” if what you’re really trying to say is, “I know this will upset you, but I got my French grade today, and it’s terrible.”
  • Try not to be defensive. If your mom asks what time you’ll be home, don’t assume she thinks you’re sneaking around or doing drugs. She is probably concerned about your well-being, and knowing you’ll be home at a certain time eases her worry when you’re not at home. The same theory applies to your dad. If he asks you who’s driving you to the concert, don’t assume he thinks all your friends are irresponsible and so are you. Knowing where you’ll be and who you’re with makes it easier for him to give you more freedom.
  • Give your parents a chance to think things over. It isn’t fair to ask for something you want if you need an answer immediately. Allowing extra time also shows your parents that you think the issue is important enough to deserve attention from them.
  • Don’t make your parents guess what is important to you. Tell them and make sure you think things over first. If everything you bring up seems crucial, your parents will be confused about your priorities.
  • Try to pick a time to talk that is good for everyone. If your parents can’t talk to you at that moment, it doesn’t mean they’re not interested. Ask them to suggest a time that’s better for both of you.
  • Introduce your parents to things you enjoy. For example, if there’s a new group whose music you like, ask them if they want to hear it. Tell them why you think it’s great. It will be a refreshing change for your parents to learn from you.

Give a copy of this to your parents. It might help them to see things more the way you do.

How to convince your parents to let you have a sleepover with guys

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The buzz is all around you and you’re getting the feeling the universe is trying to tell you something. The ski season excitement is slowly winding down and your friends are starting to think about summer. You’ve heard the mention of a family trip here and there, but someone the other day mentioned how pumped they are to go to overnight camp — t he endless activities, the sweet traditions, the friends they’re excited to see, the trips they get to go on — and no parents? It caught your ear in the moment but you think, ‘There is no way my parents would go for that.’

I’ve been a camp director for over 10 years and I’ve had a lot of practice talking to parents like yours about not only how much fun camp is, but why camp is truly a special place that is actually good for you. It’s true! The amazing community you’ll join, the friends you’ll make that’ll last a lifetime, the adventures you’ll have, the memories you’ll make, and the growth you will experience as a result of all of it — if those reasons aren’t good enough, I don’t know what are!

How to convince your parents to let you have a sleepover with guys

We know how overnight camp is a big leap for you – your first time away from home and the questions that come with it – but it’s an even bigger leap for your parents to let you do something this awesome. They care about you A LOT and letting you go without them isn’t easy. So how do you convince your parents? Here is my advice on the points to hit:

Give Them the Research

There are a number of studies and articles from researchers around the world to the benefits of attending camp. Show them this article or this one to get them started. Plus, have you heard how much screen time kids are watching? Kids average over 7 hours in front of a screen these days and doctors across the board recommend this be cut down drastically. I know Fortnite is awesome, but that doesn’t work with parents. Trust me.

How to convince your parents to let you have a sleepover with guys

Friends for a Lifetime

Talk to anyone who has been to overnight camp and they’ll mention the unique bond with the friends they made there. Many of the friendships I have — people I consider my best friends today — started at overnight camp. I talk to hundreds of former campers, young and old, who all say the same thing.

How to convince your parents to let you have a sleepover with guys

Making a Better You

We talk about ‘education through recreation’ — how you will learn about yourself, your limits, and how to push yourself and that can’t be learned in a classroom. The best part of this? We do it all by having as much fun as possible — how awesome is that!

How to convince your parents to let you have a sleepover with guys

It’s a Vacation for Them Too!

First, your parents love you dearly and we know you love them too. If you’re trying to convince them to send you to overnight camp, turn it on them and tell them about how it will enable them to go on their own adventure while you’re away! It’s unlikely that they’ll have nearly as much fun as you will but they’ll be excited to do something fun for themselves as well.

The Power of Community

Belonging to a community like Avid4 Adventure or any other overnight camp is a bond unlike any other. Times have changed since your parents were kids and local communities are harder to come by. Camp offers a blast from the past to the tight-knit communities from back in the day and your parents will understand this value. Be sure to reiterate the points above here to really nail the point home.

How to convince your parents to let you have a sleepover with guys

Now, I’m trusting you here — this is the inside scoop straight from a camp director who does this thing for a living. Stay calm, take deep breaths, be confident and be persistent — there is a lot of fun to be had this summer and I want you to be part of the fold. If you need any help convincing your parents or have questions that you think they are going to ask, feel free to reach out anytime at [email protected] or call us at 720-249-2412.

Best of luck and see you this summer!

Your Director Insider,

P.S. If the cost is a concern for your parents , Avid4 Adventure offers payment plans for Overnight Camps in California, Colorado, and Oregon for 1st through 12th graders to help take that worry away! We even offer scholarships for our Overnight Camps in California and Colorado where 25-100% of the cost of camp could be covered.

To learn more about Avid4 Adventure Overnight Camps for 1st-12th graders where kids of all skill and abilities take on new challenges in climbing, backpacking, whitewater rafting, kayaking and more, click the button below.

If your parents have other fears or concerns about sending you to overnight camp, read these articles:

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Table of Contents

How to convince your parents to let you have a sleepover?

1 Ask your parents when they are in a good mood. 2 Ask to have the sleepover at a convenient time. 3 Be polite instead of demanding. 4 Keep the first sleepover simple. 5 Offer to do something kind in exchange. 6 Show them that it will be a good opportunity for you to socialize.

Can a parent let a child sleep over?

Most parents are really afraid of having their kids go sleep in some other parents’ home and are much more comfortable letting kids sleep over their place. If this is the case with your parents, then they’ll be more likely to say yes after you pose the first question because they’ll see having the sleepover at your home as the lesser of two evils.

Why do people say no to a sleepover?

Sometimes, the biggest thing that they don’t like is the unknown. They may say no to a sleepover because they don’t know what to expect, and picture ten kids having a crazy pillow fight and ruining all of their antique furniture.

What should I do to get my parents to say yes?

Do your chores on time, finish your homework, and be home when you say you’ll be home. Your parents will notice your good behavior and may be more inclined to say yes.

Can You convince your parents to have a sleepover?

It’s not always easy to convince your parents to let you have a sleepover, especially if they’re the overprotective types. It’s natural that your parents would worry about you having friends sleep over. Not only will there be a mess to clean up, but you’ll be bringing kids that they may not know very well into their home.

Can a friend stay at your house for a sleepover?

If you replan the sleepover to happen at your place, you can stand a chance of making things work. That way, you’ll have time with a friend, and your parents will still feel like they’re in control. Some parents are automatically against any friends staying the night at their home, so don’t take this as a surefire alternative plan.

How to convince parents to let you stay the night?

Staying the Night Responsibly Stick with your plans. Introduce your parents to your friend’s parents. Let your parents get to know your friend. Call your parents if you want to be taken home. Let your parents know how the sleepover went.

Do you think it’s good for kids to sleep over?

Even if you’re going to a sleepover for the sake of having fun, there are a lot of extra benefits to a kid sleeping over. Letting your parents know the benefits can ease them into thinking it’s a good thing for your upbringing. Try bringing up some of these if they’re having a hard time budging: Children at sleepovers learn new social skills.

How to get parents to let you stay over?

Having a game plan will ease their mind that you will not be getting into mischief. Encourage them to call the parents at the house where you want to stay over. Give them the contact information and let them call. This way they can have a conversation and ask any questions to the people who will be chaperoning.

What’s the best way to convince your parents?

Write down the three or four main things you want to say in convincing your parents. Go back to them during the discussion, emphasize them, and make sure those points have been discussed fully before you move onto less convincing arguments, like, “But I want it!”

How to convince your parents and get an instant’yes’?

Make sure you and your parents are settling in a nice place, safe and sound. If you pick the right time and place, it will increase your chance to get your parents approval. Remember in this first step, you have to think about the things that you will be sacrifice your patience and effort for. Make sure it is worth the time. Walk the talk.

How can I convince my parents to give me a sleepover?

Convincing Your Parents Make sure they’re in a good mood first. Pop the question. Give them all the details. Tell them sleepovers are healthy. Ask about their main reason for concern. Leave contact info. Suggest that the sleepover happen at your place. Ask for a sleepover once you’re over. Make a set time for drop off and pickup.

How to convince your parents to let you go?

It can sometimes help to compromise if you want to convince your parents to say “yes.” For example, you can agree to call or text your parents every few hours to let them know you’re okay. This might make them feel safer about allowing you to go as they’ll have occasional assurance that you’re okay.

Having a game plan will ease their mind that you will not be getting into mischief. Encourage them to call the parents at the house where you want to stay over. Give them the contact information and let them call. This way they can have a conversation and ask any questions to the people who will be chaperoning.

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“Rose* has asked me to come for a sleepover. Can I go PLEEEEASE?” asks my eight-year-old in that really pleading, yet endearing tone that is nearly impossible to say no to.

The sleepover is as-yet uncharted parenting territory for me. And to be honest, although it has come up at other times, I’m still not quite prepared to handle it.

As a kid I loved sleepovers at my friends’ houses. As a parent I am not sure about sending my child, at least not yet.

I have concerns and questions about safety, about readiness and nowhere I’ve looked seems to have the definitive answer.

What do other parents think about sleepovers?

Firstly, I asked a group of parents their thoughts on sleepovers and of course (sigh) there were varying perspectives.

While some parents were more liberal about their children attending them, others were very strict around the conditions and for one mother, Emily, sleepovers are a complete no-go for her kids all together.

“I work in the prison system and I have heard horrendous accounts of child abuse which has deterred me from allowing my children to attend sleepovers. I know it is an extreme reaction, but I would prefer to be overly cautious in this situation,” she says.

Mum-of-two Ellie is also cautious about sleepovers but has allowed her eight-year-old to go to one.

“I’m a bit funny about sleepovers but I allowed my eldest to attend one at a friend’s house for the first time but only because we know the family very well.”

On the more liberal side of the sleepover coin is mum-of-three Cassie, who has allowed all of her children, aged three, six and nine to have sleepovers at friends’ houses as long as certain conditions were met.

For Cassie, this included: no smoking due to her children’s asthma, “knowing the family very, very well” and having no adults from outside the household at the premises while they were there.

Like Cassie, all the parents who were open to sleepovers agreed that there are specific conditions that must be met, including:

  • If the sleepover was at a friend’s house, knowing the family really well was imperative;
  • At least one supervising adult must not drink alcohol for emergency and safety reasons;
  • No other adults outside of the household should be present;
  • The minimum age was generally considered around eight years old (with some exceptions).

When do you let your kids go to the beach alone?

What age would you let your child swim unsupervised? Nama wasn’t sure so she asked the experts (and some other parents).

What do the experts say?

Professor Julie Green, executive director of, says sleepovers can be a positive experience for a child.

“Sleepovers allow bonding time with friends and can help build friendships and shared experiences.”

She also believes that children can learn and develop valuable independence skills by taking responsibility for tasks like packing.

“So long as parents understand that some risks exist, and have strategies in place to mitigate this, they can be a great childhood experience.”

But when it comes to deciding when is the “right” time, that’s a personal decision for each family.

“For each family [it] will depend on your child’s own temperament and interest,” Professor Green says.

“You may want to consider whether your child is old enough to communicate any concerns they may have about the idea of a sleepover, and confident enough to tell you if they’re feeling uncomfortable while they are there.

“It’s also important to trust your gut as a parent about when your child might be ready, and the circumstances in which you feel comfortable saying yes to a sleepover.”

Child and educational psychologist Andrew Greenfield says ensuring your child is comfortable with the situation is very important because “separation anxiety can be an issue with children attending their first sleepover”.

“Talking with them about it beforehand can be a great way to prepare them,” he says.

Why don’t we let our children outside by themselves?

Deciding when your child is ready to walk to school alone or play unsupervised can be difficult. But trying to keep them safe might be holding you both back.

How can you empower your child to help keep them safe at a sleepover?

Mr Greenfield says in regard to separation anxiety, “giving your child a piece of your clothing or an object that reminds them of you” can be a way to help them feel secure when they are away from home.

And for child safety, Professor Green has these suggestions for parents:

  • You can ask for details of supervision and sleeping arrangements when your child is invited to sleepovers;
  • Check the suitability and rating of any films children will watch;
  • Plan to check in with your child while they are away.

“There are also ways that parents can talk with children about keeping them safe from child sexual abuse and children’s personal safety in an age-appropriate way, which can help your child know when to flag something with you if they’re feeling uncomfortable,” she says.

“For example, ask other parents how they check in on their child’s safety.”

And finally, Ellie says something that she does to help reassure herself and to empower her children is using a code word.

“I use a code word so they can inform me if they don’t feel comfortable or safe when I call them to say goodnight on the phone,” she says.

“They can discreetly tell me that word without anyone else knowing what it means, and I will know that they want to be picked up.”

*Named changed for privacy

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Shona Hendley is a freelance writer and ex-secondary school teacher from Ballarat, Victoria. She lives with her four fish, three goats, two cats, one chicken, as well as her two human children and husband. Find her @shonamarion.

Furthermore, how can I get my strict parents to say yes?

  1. First Do Something For Your Parents.
  2. Make Them Compare Your Request To Something Even Bigger.
  3. Convince Your Parents To Think Past The Sale.
  4. Remind Them Of The Limited Time They Have With You.
  5. Ask For Something Small First: Commitment And Consistency.

Considering this, how can I convince my parents to let me do online school in Covid?

  1. Do Your Research.
  2. Pick an Appropriate Time.
  3. Don’t Be too Negative on Your Current School.
  4. Explain Why it Would be a Better Fit For You.
  5. Gather Some Notes.
  6. Remember, Your Parents Care About You.

People ask also, how do you convince your parents that you’re too sick for school? Show and explain your symptoms. If you’re actually sick but your parents are skeptical, the best way to convince them is to concretely show how sick you are. By being forthcoming with your symptoms, you show that you have nothing to hide, making them more likely to trust you.

Frequent question, how do I convince my parents to let me go on school holidays?

  1. Do your homework and share your plan.
  2. Explain them the benefits of having a friend around while you travel.
  3. This is the most important point – Assure them that you’ll always stay in touch with them.
  4. Share a few phone numbers with them.

How safe is TikTok? Using any social network can be risky, but it’s possible for kids to safely use the app with adult supervision (and a private account). … For kids age 13 to 15, accounts are private by default; only friends can comment on videos, and other users can’t duet (explained below) with your videos.

How do you make your mom cry?

Why do I hate school so much?

Why Do Some Kids Dislike School? … You might not like school because a bully is bothering you, or because a kid you don’t like wants to hang around with you. Or maybe you don’t get along with your teacher. You might feel different or worry that you don’t have enough friends.

Why wont my parents let me be homeschooled?

There are several possibilities as to why they do not want this: 1) They do not agree with homeschooling, 2) They do not feel qualified to do it, 3) they do not have the time to do it. You will need to figure out which it is. What it is not is sitting at home reading books when you want and playing games when you want.

What are good reasons to homeschool?

  1. Make A Change From A Negative School Environment.
  2. Get A Higher Quality Education.
  3. Improve Social Interactions.
  4. Support A Learning Disabled Child.
  5. Educate Children During A Family Relocation To Another State Or Country.
  6. Other Reasons To Homeschool.

How do you fake a cold?

How do you fake a sick day off school?

Get oatmeal and water, run to the bathroom, put the oatmeal and water in your mouth, then spit it in the toilet and show your parents. You can also fake a vomiting incident by pouring fake vomit on your floor (or on your bed if you want it to be more believable).

How can I skip school?

What are good excuses to tell your parents?

  1. 01/8Going out on a date.
  2. 02/8​Group studies always help!
  3. 03/8​Best friend’s house.
  4. 04/8​You don’t have to specifically mention it’s a date.
  5. 05/8​Extra classes at college.
  6. 06/8​My friend used to come to pick me up.
  7. 07/8Shopping spree with friends.

What are good excuses for not going to school?

  1. Doctor or dentist appointment. Most of the time, appointments to medical practitioners are often booked up to weeks on end.
  2. Illness. Typically, we would want to avoid sick people.
  3. Food Poisoning.
  4. Medical Procedures or Medical Tests.
  5. Migraine.
  6. Car Troubles.
  7. Traffic Jam.
  8. No Conveyance.

How do you ask permission from strict parents?

I want to ask your permission for something.” If they ask what for, you could be more specific: “I want to ask your permission to go to a party.” But tell them you’d rather give them all the information at once, when they are focused and ready to hear it.

How To Convince Your Parents To Hang Out With Friends References. 4 keep pictures of your boyfriend off social media. Look for, and ask for, ways that you and your parents can meet in the middle somewhere.

How to convince your parents to let you have a sleepover with guysHow to convince your mom to have sex with you. Reductress from

Don’t leave your friend wondering what. Just because jimmy is an awesome friend doesn’t mean your parents have to like him. The best way to do this is by practicing your speech at home or thinking for a second before speaking.

Force your child to stay with or change friends: But you can maintain your own comfort level and allow your child to stay friends with someone who is important to her.

“i don’t like the way they behave. Keep a physical distance and wear protective gear.

Be sure to simply state the facts. You have to call your friends’ parents mr.

Talk about the pro’s and con’s of remaining with a certain group of friends. Believe it or not, you can express your needs without actually seeming needy.

If your parents don’t approve of your friendship, make it personal. 7 be affectionate with your boyfriend in private.

It’s simply to determine if you’re comfortable with your child’s temporary caregivers, and the. I’m too sick to be in school today. back when i was in.

Assume your child is the victim: There are several factors that determine if i can go or not, if the person is a girl, they have the same religion as i’ve been raised with, and if.

Talk about the pro’s and con’s of remaining with a certain group of friends. If your parents don’t like your friends, see if you can’t invite them over for dinner or to hang out.

Look for, and ask for, ways that you and your parents can meet in the middle somewhere. If you don’t like a child’s parents, remain polite and diplomatic around them.

• walk the walk you can also look at your child’s friends for a deeper understanding of how she sees her parents, adds carter. 3 change your boyfriend’s name on your phone.

Don’t leave your friend wondering what. “i don’t like the way they behave.

According to wish, if you need to cancel plans with your bestie, be sure to always give her a solid reason. Start casually mentioning reasons why that friend is so good for you.

According to wish, if you need to cancel plans with your bestie, be sure to always give her a solid reason. If you find that you just don’t like the parents.

Friends you are currently not keen. 1 say you’re hanging out with friends.

Let your parents meet them. 6 go places where you won’t run into family friends.

But you can maintain your own comfort level and allow your child to stay friends with someone who is important to her. 3 change your boyfriend’s name on your phone.

It’s possible to do that while remaining firm about your own boundaries and family rules. Let your parents meet them.

Talk about the pro’s and con’s of remaining with a certain group of friends. According to wish, if you need to cancel plans with your bestie, be sure to always give her a solid reason.

• walk the walk you can also look at your child’s friends for a deeper understanding of how she sees her parents, adds carter. Be clear and let your speech flow.

Be sure to simply state the facts. If you find that you just don’t like the parents.

Table of Contents

Unless Your Daughter Is Hanging Out With Someone Who Is Actually A True Danger To Her Life, Remember That You Cannot Really Control Who She Is Or Isn’t Involved With.

Keep a physical distance and wear protective gear. The best way to do this is by practicing your speech at home or thinking for a second before speaking. Make your crush believe they have something that you need, whether that is a.

They Take Forever To Text Back.

You have to call your friends’ parents mr. Just because jimmy is an awesome friend doesn’t mean your parents have to like him. It’s possible to do that while remaining firm about your own boundaries and family rules.

Help Them Learn How To Keep It Positive, And Promote The Value Of Listening More Than They Speak.

Review qualities of healthy, good friendships. Makes us feel old. because

, man. 1 say you’re hanging out with friends.

Be Sure To Simply State The Facts.

“then you know what your child is. According to wish, if you need to cancel plans with your bestie, be sure to always give her a solid reason. Talk about the pro’s and con’s of remaining with a certain group of friends.

Your Kid Is Invited To A Sleepover At A New Friend’s House Or Wants To Go Over To A Friend’s House For The First Time.

4 keep pictures of your boyfriend off social media. Always offer up a reason. 3 change your boyfriend’s name on your phone.

Parenting: When your Teenager asks for their Girlfriend/boyfriend to stay the night. What do you do when your teen wants to have their Girlfriend/boyfriend spend the night in your house?

Growing up as a teenager, me and my two sisters were not allowed to have boys stay the night. We all found this a pretty old fashioned rule and we never really understood it back then. Now I have a teenager myself I can understand why my father had this rule, obviously he was going to be protective of his daughters.

I have a teenage son who has just turned 18, time has flown so quickly, it feels like one minute he was sitting on my knee giving me a cuddle and now he is asking for his girlfriend to stay overnight.

How to convince your parents to let you have a sleepover with guys

What type of parent am I?

When my son who was at the time 17 years old asked if his girlfriend could stay the night, I will admit I was a little unprepared for the question.Of course I was not overjoyed by the thought of my son having a girl staying the night and especially not in the same room! Unfortunately, as I do not have a spare room in my house I did not have the luxury of giving his girlfriend a room of her own for the night.

I am also a realist and realise that whatever parents ban, most teenagers will think of ways to get around them and normally succeed.

My conscience however did struggle with the fact that If I am aware of them sharing the same room am I actually condoning this new stage of their relationship. If I made my son sleep on the sofa and his girlfriend have his room, I would be kidding myself if I thought some sneaking about would not be going on in the middle of the night. I had to ask myself, if putting them in separate rooms and pretending that they would stay in separate rooms, would this make me feel better about the situation, does allowing them to sleep in the same room and even the same bed make it feel more wrong than the alternative, ignorance ? to be honest yes, a little bit.

I was and still feel quite shocked at how liberal and understanding I have behaved and dealt with this situation. At the beginning I wanted to scream out “Noooo you can not have your girlfriend stay over”,this partly due to the thought of losing him to another after all he is my little boy still!

Why I agreed

There was two main reasons why I agreed to my son having his girlfriend stay over and the main reason was because she lived just over an hour away.To arrive here in the morning and only spend a few hours at our house, before she would be setting off again seemed silly because they would not get much time together.

To be honest if your son or daughter really wanted to get up to anything they would and it can happen anywhere and at anytime of the day.

My second reason is due to the fact I was a very young mum and by the age he is now I already had a baby so I am not really in the best place to judge or preach and he is so much more mature and level headed than I was at 18.

I think it is such a hard thing to plan in advance as you can not pre-plan when it will happen or just what your reaction will be.

You may well be a really relaxed parent around rules and take it in your stride or it may just be something you struggle far too much to cope with and just cannot allow it to happen in your home.

Whatever you decided just keep your cool and stay open minded. Parents and teens will most likely be very embarrassed approaching the subject, just keep your line of communication open and you won’t go far wrong.

Remember there is no right or wrong answer or decision, it is a family issue, you may be happy for their boyfriend/girlfriend to stay over or you might find a happy medium giving them separate bedrooms.

Have you had experience of your son or daughter wanting their girlfriend or boyfriend to stay the night?

Please share your experiences to help other parents who might be struggling and could use advice from other parents who have already gone through this.

How to convince your parents to let you have a sleepover with guys

“It’s weird to think they’re getting it on in the house. I just go into my room, turn up my music really loud, and hope that I won’t hear them.” Twenty years ago, baby boomers like me were making comments like these about our parents. Now we’re on the other side of the generation gap; the quotation above actually comes from middle-aged parents who were asked how they feel about their grown children arriving home for the holidays with a new romantic partner in tow. Everyone agrees that this situation can lead to epic awkwardness, with parents as well as children nervously trying to figure out unspoken rules. Should “little” Billy (who is now 6’5″) bunk in his old bedroom with his new girlfriend? Does Jenny’s shifty-eyed suitor get the guest room, and will Jenny join him there?

Of course, there’s no single answer that works for every family. We live in a time of wildly varied attitudes toward sexuality, and no one is out to dictate what you feel or believe. But while unspoken conflicts over your kids’ sexual behavior can create tension and emotional distance between family members, remembering a few simple principles can make it almost a non-issue. In fact, if you communicate with clarity and kindness, this potentially embarrassing matter can become the foundation for mutual respect and support between you and your grown children. Just Say It

Most parents and children share a reluctance to talk to each other about their sex lives, and this is a good thing. The “Ew!” response indicates healthy boundaries between generations; I doubt that either you or your grown children would want to banter about details of sexual intercourse while setting the holiday table. But acting as though your little sweeties would never Go All the Way is almost as nutty. Over 75 percent of college students are sexually active, according to several studies. Another study, by the nonprofit research group Child Trends, found that more than half of adolescents between the ages of 16 and 18 had sex for the first time in their own home or their partner’s.

Given these realities, you can’t assume that Junior expects you to install his girlfriend on the sofa bed while he retires in footie pajamas to his Muppet-themed bedroom. Often, however, young adults who have sex in their parents’ home tend to wait until the ‘rents are gone. And it’s possible that your young lovers aren’t even having sex—and that they’d be shocked, shocked I tell you, if you offered them only one bed. Unless you explicitly discuss sleeping arrangements, everyone will be left guessing.

So be direct. Determine your boundaries and state them clearly to your children, preferably on the phone and before the holiday visit. Practice your lines ahead of time, so you can just spit them out and get it over with. Here are some possible scripts:

“Listen, honey, I don’t want to hurt your feelings, but I’m just not comfortable with you and Chris sharing a room here. You’re still my baby, and it makes me feel strange.”

“You and Pat are welcome to sleep in the guest room together, but, please, make sure you lock the door.”

“If separate beds aren’t okay for you guys, then let’s talk about getting you a hotel room.”

If you find yourself tongue-tied, call a friend for brainstorming assistance. The only requirement is that you identify your real feelings and then express them without ambiguity or apology.

Focus on Your Boundaries, Not Theirs

You may have noticed that none of the sample scripts provided above includes sensitive, evenhanded negotiations with your children about rooming preferences. That’s because, in your home, it’s both your right and your responsibility to define boundaries. In this situation, your unilateral decision is necessary for a happy outcome.

Recently, Helen E. Johnson, coauthor of Don’t Tell Me What to Do, Just Send Money: The Essential Parenting Guide to the College Years, told an interviewer: “I think too many parents today want to be their kids’ friends, and—sort of by default, not intentionally—they abrogate that important parental responsibility, which is making it really clear to your kids what your values are. What I found working with college students is that they really care what their parents think about these things, and they generally don’t know.”

Your job is to set limits; your children’s job is to push them. If your children argue with you, listen respectfully but don’t allow yourself to be trampled on in the name of parental love. Establish and hold boundaries that allow you to feel most relaxed in your own home. This will give your children a powerful example to follow as they venture into the labyrinthine complexities of adult life. Don’t Judge

If I were to tell you that your fornicating children are demon spawn who should be summarily disowned or that all parents who don’t encourage free love are frigid, puritanical freaks, I suspect you might find my opinion a tad offensive. Although it’s enlightening to hear other people honestly discuss their values, rigid judgment almost invariably creates anxiety and, usually, backlash. It makes people feel unheard and unsafe. Clarifying boundaries strengthens the emotional connection between you and your children, but passing judgment will only drive a wedge between you.

The difference is in communication patterns. When you voice your limits, describe your feelings without trying to pass universal laws for other people’s sexual behavior. We teach young children that when someone’s actions give them an “icky” feeling, they can and should say no. Well, what your kids understood at 3, they will also understand at 23. “I’m sorry, Sandy, it makes me feel icky to have you two sleeping together on the other side of the bedroom wall” is a much more honest statement than the judgmental, “No child of mine will engage in lustful behavior under my roof!” If you stick to discussing your own feelings and experiences rather than moral generalities, your children will be much more likely to honor your point of view.

With a little honest, fearless communication, the uneasy issue of who sleeps where during the holidays can actually help form a new relationship between parents and their grown children—a relationship in which putting conditions on rooming arrangements makes space for unconditional love, and family members of all generations rejoice in one another’s sexual fulfillment. as long as they don’t have to think too much about it.

How to convince your parents to let you have a sleepover with guys

Maybe you heard about the 30-year-old New York man whose parents, tired of politely and repeatedly asking their unemployed son to move out of their home, took him to court in May to legally evict him — and won.

That case was extreme. But according to recent Pew Center research, millennial adults (also called “boomerangs” for their increasing habit of moving back to their childhood homes well into their 20s and 30s) are the first generation in more than 130 years to show a larger subset living with parents than with a spouse or partner. As of 2017, that figure was 32.1%, compared with 31.6%, respectively.

Susan Newman, PhD, a social psychologist and the author of the book Under One Roof Again: All Grown Up and (Re)Learning to Live Happily Together, says rising student debt and putting off marriage are just two things that cause millennial adults to return to the family nest.

What’s needed when they do? Emotional, social, and financial guidance — especially for parents, who should lead the transition, says Newman.

“Come up with an exit plan right away,” she says. “Ultimately, the idea is for the adult child to leave again. Ask about goals, job aspirations, life direction. Revisit it every 6 months. And be realistic: Consider what is truly achievable in that time frame.”

She also suggests that house rules be set from the get-go. “Your child is not a guest. But don’t allow dollars to dictate your relationship. If they can’t afford to help pay for the utility bills, maybe they can mow the lawn or help in other ways,” she says. “For best results, let them choose their own chores — they’re more likely to get done that way.”

Same goes for parental boundaries. “It is your house,” Newman says. “So, if your child smokes (or vapes) and you don’t like it, you have every right to set limits. If they stay out late, you can ask for, and expect, a phone call or text so you don’t worry. If you don’t want your adult son having sleepovers with his girlfriend, say so.”

But parents must remember their kids are no longer children, she stresses. “They’re adults, so you must cede control. They may have different attitudes, needs, and eating, sleeping, or partying habits than they did when they were younger. Accept those differences. And don’t fall back into mommy mode,” she says. “They can do their own laundry and clean their own rooms. And do respect their privacy.”

4 Tips

Empty nesters? Not so fast! A new London School of Economics study reveals parents lost a degree of “control, autonomy, pleasure, and self-realization” when their adult kids returned home. How can they maintain happiness as boomerangs unpack?

  1. Adjust your attitude.“You didn’t fail as a parent, and your kids didn’t fail, either,” says Newman. “Some of your friends may actually be jealous” about the time you’re spending with your adult children.
  2. Maintain your schedule. “Don’t give up your social life to accommodate an adult child,” she warns. You don’t have to rush home at 6 p.m. to cook for them, for instance.
  3. Enjoy future insurance. “The silver lining? Down the road, adult children are more likely to care for parents who helped them during tough times,” she says.
  4. Enforce the exit. Newman’s verdict? “If after 2 years your adult child is showing no progress,” she says, “it’s OK to nudge them” out of the nest once again.

Find more articles, browse back issues, and read the current issue of WebMD Magazine.

Show Sources

New York Post: “Parents sue deadbeat son to get out of their house.”

Pew Research Center: “It’s becoming more common for young adults to live at home — and for longer stretches,” “For First Time in Modern Era, Living With Parents Edges Out Other Living Arrangements for 18- to 34-Year Olds.”

Susan Newman, PhD, social psychologist.

ScienceDaily: “Parents’ lives made more miserable by the ‘boomerang generation’ returning home.”

As your child gets older, he’ll probably want to go to parties with his friends. Don’t panic!

Teenage parties are fun, and they can also be a chance for your child to:

  • develop independence, responsibility and confidence
  • make new friends and build social skills
  • introduce her friends to your family.

It’s normal to feel worried about letting your child go to parties. You might feel particularly concerned if you don’t know the host or how likely it is that alcohol or other drugs might be on offer.

Your child might have mixed feelings too – excitement, nerves, anxiety. If you and your child talk about your feelings and work out a plan together, parties can be something you both feel happy and comfortable with.

Your child might want to host a party at your home. Planning a party with your child can be fun, and setting ground rules together will help things run smoothly and keep partygoers safe.

Going to teenage parties: balancing fun and safety

If your child wants to go to a party, you can balance your child’s desire to have fun with your concerns about safety.

You can join in the fun by encouraging your child to have a friend over to get ready with, brainstorming gift ideas if it’s a birthday party, or helping your child plan an outfit.

Safety is important too. It’s OK for you to ask whether:

  • there will be adults at the party
  • there will be alcohol, and what you’d like your child to do if there is
  • the party will stay in one place or move somewhere else during the night
  • your child knows anyone else going to the party.

What if your child doesn’t want to share details of the party? You could explain why you’re asking. For example, you might say, ‘I’m worried that you might be at risk at this party. I can’t agree to you going if I’m not sure you’ll be safe’.

You could also get in touch with the party’s host, depending on the age of your child. If you already know your child’s friends and their parents, it can be easier to take this step. Knowing the parents might also help you feel confident that your child will be well looked after.

Your safety concerns will probably change as your child and her friends get older. And you might also find that as your child gets older, she comes up with plans for dealing with safety concerns herself.

When parents check on teenage parties – for example, by calling the host to find out whether alcohol is being served – teenagers are less likely to drink.

Ground rules for going to teenage parties

Some ground rules can help your child stay safe when he goes to parties. The rules might include how your child will get to the party, when and how he’ll come home, and the rules about alcohol. These ground rules might change as your child gets older.

You and your child might have different ideas about some of these rules, so the two of you might need to use problem-solving steps to find a compromise you can both live with.

If your child breaks any of the rules you’ve agreed on about the party, you can follow up with a consequence. Consequences work best if they’re meaningful and you agree on them beforehand. For example, ‘The deal is that you’ll be home by midnight. If you’re not, you won’t be able to have friends over for a week’.

You can read more about using consequences in our article on discipline strategies for teenagers.

When things go wrong at teenage parties: back-up plans

Sometimes things go wrong. The party might not be supervised adequately, your child might use alcohol or other drugs, or gatecrashers might cause problems. It’s a good idea to have a back-up plan, just in case.

Here are some ideas:

  • Let your child know that she can call you at any time, in any condition, if she or her friends need your help – no questions asked.
  • Make sure your child’s phone has your landline, mobile number, partner’s mobile number and other emergency contacts programmed into it.
  • Give your contact details to one of your child’s friends.
  • Make sure your child has enough money for an emergency taxi ride home.
  • Have a coded message that your child could use if he’s embarrassed about calling to ask to come home. For example, he could send a text message checking on a sick grandparent.
  • Come up with some strategies to help your child say ‘no’ to alcohol or other drugs without losing face. For example, ‘I’d love to but I have to work in the morning’, or ‘I’ve got a big game tomorrow and need a clear head’.
  • Give your child a personal alarm to carry if you’re concerned about her physical safety, or set up an emergency safety app on her phone.

Children with additional needs going to teenage parties

If your child has additional needs, you and he need to be confident that he can be safe and enjoy himself at parties. For example, a child at risk of anaphylaxis will need to know how to check what he’s eating, know any warning signs of anaphylaxis, and have his EpiPen® with him at all times.

You might also want to speak to the host, or your child’s friends, to ensure they’re aware of the risk and know what to do if a problem comes up.

Social Sharing

Two new generation gays share their top five tips

How to convince your parents to let you have a sleepover with guys

This article was originally published April 11, 2017 and was updated June 1, 2020.

More gay people are coming out and coming out earlier than ever before in this country. According to Statistics Canada, the number of same-sex families standing up to be counted shot up 42.4 per cent between 2006 and 2011. These increasingly open examples of a normalized homosexual adulthood are giving young gay men and women the courage to be honest and open about their sexuality, and are changing the opinions of the people they are coming out to. However, even for modern, progressive parents, there are blunders that can cause unnecessary and often unintentional hurt. Coming out is a crucial juncture that can often make or break the child-parent relationship. But don’t worry parents! I’ve got a big gay guide to help you out. I got together with two new generation gays (Marie and Scott) at Canada’s top secret gay headquarters (Starbucks) to get their take on modern dos and don’ts for parents with gay kids coming out. These are their top five tips.

DO: Foster a positive LGBTQ atmosphere

Homosexuality comes in all shapes and sizes. Stereotypical mannerisms, dress and interests aren’t always a steadfast indicator your offspring is a friend of Dorothy. Little Jimmy can be swishy and end up straight, and just because little Molly loves softball doesn’t mean she loves other ladies. Instead, rely on your instincts as a parent. If you feel your child may be gay, one of the most important things you can do is create a gay-friendly environment, you just don’t have to be obvious.

As Marie so wisely says: “Create a sense of diversity/openness in your home where your kids can feel comfortable if they are questioning. Instead of assuming someone has a boyfriend or girlfriend, use more gender-neutral terms like ‘so is there anyone at the party that you like?’ or ‘Is your friend so-and-so dating someone new?’ Don’t assume everyone in the world is straight, and your kids will feel less out of place in your home.”

It can be as easy as reacting kindly or expressing affinity toward gay people in the news or on TV too. Scott says: “Casually mention your support of LGBTQ individuals in general should it come up naturally. Don’t say anything disparaging that would make your son/daughter hesitate/reconsider coming out.”

It’s important to remember you can’t force someone out of the closet. Coming out and being outed are two very different things. Be patient and let your gay souffle finish cooking before you open the oven door.

DON’T: Say “I still love you no matter what”

This seems like a nice thing to say and it’s something you will see a lot of in dramatizations on TV. But as Scott points out there is a subtext: “Saying ‘I love you no matter what’ suggests that your kid’s gayness is something to be overlooked in the name of love. It translates to ‘I love you even though you are gay’ as if gayness were an illness or aberration.” As for a suggested alternative? “How about just ‘Thank you for telling me. I love you.'”

DON’T: Make it about you

Coming out is a big deal in a gay person’s life. For some, it ends up being the most important moment in their lives. It’s a big deal for parents too. Often mothers and fathers need time to adjust, be re-educated and mourn the loss of expectation they had for their kid. But whatever you are going through, your son or daughter is likely going through something more intense and important. Scott gives a prime example telling me his parents were: “. embarrassed I didn’t feel comfortable telling them sooner,” adding, “They don’t trust me as much because they’re sceptical that I was hiding a big part of myself before coming out.” This is a prime example of making it about yourself. Scott’s parents are probably feeling bad that they didn’t foster a gay-positive environment and are feeling a little guilty about their son suffering in silence. While their reaction is far better than shipping your kid off to reparative therapy it still puts the focus on them and their issues. Your issues as a parent do deserve attention, but shelving it for a while helps as you and your kids adjust to a new dynamic.

DO: Open a dialogue

This one is key. Getting comfortable with your kid’s sexual identity demands conversation but there are some key tips to follow.

It’s important to note that sexuality can be a very private thing. Imagine talking in the context of who you would prefer having sex with with your parents. AWKWARD. If your son or daughter doesn’t feel comfortable talking to you right away, or if you don’t feel comfortable talking about it right away, try consulting another gay person or organization (ex PFLAG).

This is a situation Marie experienced telling me, “Because I was away at school after coming out to my mom, I didn’t have the experience of ‘living with it’ daily so I wasn’t aware that she was really struggling with it. But about a year ago she admitted to me that she did struggle with understanding it at first, but that changed when she spoke to other gay people and sought out resources for parents of gay people. They helped her understand that being gay doesn’t change who your son/daughter is.”

DON’T: Ask if it is a phase

Your gay son or daughter knows who they are attracted to the same way you do. Yes, sexuality exists on a spectrum and yes it can be fluid, but if they are coming to you with this information, it’s safe to say they are currently quite sure. Trying to change your child’s sexuality is one of the most harmful things you can do. There is a reason conversion therapy has staggering rates of failure and a reason the federal government is moving to criminalize it. It’s also important not to look for a reason. Marie says: “Don’t assume or ask if your kids’ sexuality was “caused” by something. ie: asking if there was a traumatic experience or relationship that caused your kid to “turn,” (I think this is very common for gay women to be asked) or if they just “haven’t met the right guy/girl yet.”

These tips are meant to smooth over some common speed bumps in the modern coming out process, however, not all Canadian kids are lucky enough to have a family open to having a gay kid or open to changing their minds on homosexuality. Luckily this country is replete with resources to help gay kids through a tough time that can sometimes leave them homeless or suicidal. If you are a gay person in crisis organizations like PFLAG Canada, Kids Help Phone, Egale Canada are just a call or click away.

DON’T: Make it about you

One of the most common reactions from parents can be stepping into a closet of their own, feeling the need to hide the fact that their child has just come out. Asking your child not to tell other relatives or family friends about their sexuality, or to withhold the information yourself, translates to one indisputable and damaging sentiment: I am ashamed of you. What you can ask and should ask is if it’s OK for you to share this news with others. While conveying acceptance is key, it’s also imperative that the person coming out controls who knows and when for a process that can be highly individualistic and sometimes overwhelming.

Ryan E. Thompson is a Toronto based television producer and writer specializing in LGBTQ issues and entertainment.

How to convince your parents to let you have a sleepover with guys

Sometimes parents set rules because they fear for their children’s safety, because they don’t think that their children can do it for themselves or even to stay in control or to bring about a desired outcome or simply because they can. Regardless of why parents set rules teens must learn to live within these guidelines. But what happens if parents are overly strict?

Meet in the Middle

Show that You are Serious

    Drawing up a contract that you are willing to sign regarding the compromise rules.

Suggesting appropriate punishments in the event that a compromise rule is broken.

Offering to take on extra responsibilities at home in order to compromise on some of the household rules – or better yet, just start taking them on.

  • Detailing, in writing, exactly why you should be rewarded with compromise rules and what you will learn from the changes.
  • Stay Calm and Collected

    • Raising your voice.
    • Interrupting others.
    • Whining.
    • Running away.
    • Throwing/kicking/hitting things.
    • Slamming doors.

    Ask for Help

    • A relative or family friend.
    • A teacher or guidance counsellor.
    • A member of the clergy close to your family.
    • A private or family therapist.
    • A trained mediator.

    Most parents make rules in the best interest of their children, but sometimes they go a little overboard. If you are coping with strict parents, do your best to speak with them seriously about their rules and the effect that they are having on your life. Show your parents that you are committed to compromising and you might be pleased with the results. But if things don’t go your way and you truly believe that your strict parents are affecting your life, then consider asking for help from another trusted adult. Whatever you do, be ready to commit fully to any compromises that your parents offer and don’t ever make them regret their decision. Remember, regaining lost trust will be harder than it was to bring about a compromise in the first place.

    It was just an innocent slumber party—two 16-year-old girls eating pizza, dancing to Beyonce and giggling over boys, the same way I did with my friends at that age, except back then we were dancing to Fleetwood Mac. But I soon realized I’d unwittingly put my daughter in bed with the object of her affection when her sleepover buddy came out to me in a series of text messages.

    Get the full experience. Choose your plan ArrowRight

    I hope you don’t care I like girls… I’m not going to tell my mom… She thinks it’s a choice…

    Oh, to be the trusted confidante of a teenage girl! My heart and, let’s face it, my ego were thrilled.

    But then I thought: Hadn’t she and my daughter just double dated to homecoming with boys? Then she texted that it would be different if she didn’t have a girlfriend. I pondered that text for a moment before the light bulb went off. That girlfriend was my daughter and they just had a sleepover.

    I guess I should have figured it out. Two years earlier, I’d walked in on my daughter with another girl. Her bedroom door was shut, the room was dark, and the two of them looked sheepish when I peeked in. That friend was a known troublemaker and I didn’t trust her. Unexpectedly and unbidden, she’d blurted out, “I’m not gay or anything!”

    “Okay…” I said, as I turned to leave my daughter’s room, making a point of leaving the door wide open and turning on the lights in the hallway. That girl came and went a few times throughout high school, usually leaving some kind of upheaval in her wake. I’m fairly certain that at some point she broke my daughter’s heart at least a little bit, but at the time, I didn’t understand what I was walking into. Whether it was denial or cluelessness on my part, I didn’t know it was significant.

    Now that I was putting the pieces together I felt deflated. My kid was being outed. I wasn’t going to freak out like the other mom, but I was hurt that my daughter hadn’t told me herself. I guess I wasn’t such a trusted confidante after all.

    “Are you her girlfriend?” I took a deep breath and asked my daughter after school the next day.

    “Yes,” she answered, coyly.

    “Why didn’t you tell me, honey? Were you scared?”

    “Not really scared,” she said. “Just trying to find the right time.”

    So what changes when your teenage daughter has a girlfriend instead of a boyfriend? I had no precedent for this, no decree set down by my own parents or anyone else I knew. I’d had gay high school classmates, but they weren’t really “out” and no one was paired up publicly. I wouldn’t have dared bring a boy into my room while I was in high school. Do the same house rules apply to same-sex relationships? If two teenage girls want to be treated like any other couple, doesn’t that mean we should leave the bedroom door open and demand that all four feet remain on the floor? Otherwise, aren’t we guilty of fostering a double standard?

    There were parents in our community who allowed co-ed slumber parties and bought beer for their kids—I wasn’t one of them. I wasn’t a super strict parent, but I never would have given permission for my daughter to have a sleepover with a 16-year-old boy. Why would I be okay with her having a girlfriend stay? I thought about the differences. The most obvious is the potential for pregnancy, which, besides potential unfortunate social stigma, leads to life-altering decisions about abortion, adoption and teen parenthood.

    With the likelihood of babies off the table, what else mattered? Hormones are hormones and the heart wants what the heart wants, and that’s where her relationship with this girl was just like any other. But what remained the same was the maturity level and broken hearts. I talked with my daughter (well, it was probably more of a lecture) about how, early in relationships, it’s easy to confuse desire for love; and that, just because our bodies feel like they’re ready for sex, it doesn’t mean our heads and our hearts are prepared. It was the same talk I’d had with her older brother, the same one I’d have if she were dating a boy—except with her I didn’t talk about condoms.

    “If you get physically close to someone when you’re not emotionally mature enough to handle it, you can get hurt,” I said.

    Are the scare stories about teenage discos really true? Sheila O’Malley has some advice on how to navigate this rite of passage.

    How to convince your parents to let you have a sleepover with guys

    I REMEMBER THE excitement of going to my first few discos with friends, the endless conversations with the girls – looking forward to the nightand planning what to wear was a big part of it. As teens we made mistakes, as our teens will too. Yet, now we are parents, we can be unsure of the best way to keep our young person safe. The key is a strong relationship and strong boundaries for the teen years. Strong rules without a strong relationship with your teen may mean much conflict.

    Gardaí say drink is the biggest problem and that teens arrive at discos either with drink taken or with drink on them. Where are they getting this alcohol? Be sure you do not provide the first drink.

    Remember that newspapers sell on the basis of scary headlines; there may be a minority doing what papers say. Instead, use it as an opportunity to talk with your teen about your values and the behaviour you expect from them.

    Finally, peer pressure is often blamed for how a teen behaves; studies show the more disconnected the teen, the stronger the influence the peer group is. The stronger the parent/teen relationship, it less of a problem the peer group is.

    1. A strong relationship

    The strength of the relationship is ultimately the only real control you have over your child. A strong bond between parent and young person where the communication is open (easier said than done!) as this humorous example shows:

    • ‘Where are you going?’ – ‘Nowhere’
    • ‘Who are you going with?’ – ‘No one’
    • ‘What are you doing?’ –’Nothing’

    Spending time with them and telling them what they are doing right is very important during the teen years, as it is not an easy time for them. Being conscious of talking ‘with’ and not ‘at’ them is crucial, as you want them to feel they can open up to you. This is achieved by listening and acknowledging how they feel and giving them a sense of feeling understood.

    2. Keep them busy

    ‘Delay and distract’ is great advice if you want your teenager to not have to deal with discos, alcohol and the opposite sex too early. Involvement in a sport or hobby is one of the best protectors for this. It may involve a commitment from you, but it is worth it in the long run. So often I am told of teenage boys/girls who ‘fall through the cracks’ when faced with things they simply are not ready to deal with, where a sport would have provided a healthier alternative in meeting the opposite sex.

    3. Don’t give them an immediate answer to ‘everybody’s going’

    It is always good to check with other parents and chat through arrangements. These parents may be dropping or collecting your teenager so important that you are both ‘singing off the same hymn sheet’.

    4. Know the parents and validate the arrangement

    Helpful, but not always easy if your teenager has changed friends from primary school, but worth the effort. Knowing the parents means you can make a quick call to confirm that arrangements are as you think they are. An example I heard recently involved a mum who thought her daughter was on a sleepover, but everyone at the sleepover (including her daughter) went to a disco. The mum of the house assumed she had permission. Many parents say how few parents call them when parties/sleepovers are at their house.

    5. Clothes

    The clothes that your teen chooses for going to the disco is a topic that really gets parents heated. Role model dressing appropriately and advise them that their outfit is sending a message, what message does it send? Do you want unwelcome attention? Talk about your preferences, ‘I’d prefer you to tone it down’. Over-controlling does not work – they simply change clothes.

    Teens want to experiment with their identity and they make mistakes in their choice of clothes, but they learn from it too. The heels that leave them in agony for the evening are discarded for something more wearable the next time. So parents, take a deep breath and remember the vast majority come through these rites of passage unscathed.

    6. Talk with them

    Before giving them permission, it is important to use the opportunity to see how they would deal with situations that may arise, whether it’s unwelcome attention, pressure to drink, or a situation developing that they are not happy about.

    7. Give them an ‘out’

    They need to know that they can text you and you will call and tell them they are needed at home if they feel it is necessary. As Oprah says: ‘Doubt means don’t. Don’t move. Don’t rush forward’. Gardaí have told me that many teens who end up in trouble at a disco never intended to, they just feel they have no other option in the crowd. Telling them to say they feel unwell can be a way of leaving a situation they are unsure about. This may mean that you are on call for the evening, however.

    8. Strong boundaries

    After a strong relationship, we need to have strong boundaries for our young teenager, which makes them feel secure. They need boundaries around reasonable dress, no photos on Facebook that may cause them problems later, no alcohol, and appropriate behaviour. Talk with them about alcohol and give them good reasons not to drink. If you are not collecting them from the disco, you should think about staying up (or getting up) and being downstairs to let them in and have a quick chat – teens say knowing this means they don’t drink.

    9. Negotiate

    A key word for the teenage years is to negotiate differences. Our teens need to be listened to and treated with respect. An over-controlling parent may experience a teen who becomes out of control or who simply conforms through fear. A warm relationship where the teen has a sense of their feelings being understood and listened to, means differences can be negotiated.

    10. Money – keep them a bit short

    Too much money causes problems. Remember: they cannot drink without money.

    11. Trust

    Once you have communicated clearly-defined expectations with your teenager and the relationship is good, you need to trust them. Every teenager makes a mistake but with a strong relationship and when you keep communicating and negotiate difference you will find this transition easier. Don’t focus so much on having a ‘good teenager’ that you forget you already have one.

    This page is designed to assist parents/caregivers in planning and hosting responsible parties with teenagers under 18 years of age. It provides tips about communicating with teenagers and factors you might consider before allowing your teenager to host or attend a party.

    Alcohol can increase the risk of injury, social and mental health problems, and cause permanent damage to young people’s developing brain. For these reasons, the National Health and Medical Research Council guidelines to reduce health risks from drinking alcohol, states for people under 18 years of age not drinking alcohol is the safest option.

    It is not the norm to provide alcohol to teens to attend parties. Very few (2.6%) parents reported that they had allowed their child to take alcohol to social events at 15 years or younger, and 65% still did not permit it when their child was 17-18 years of age 1 .

    Every party has the potential to get out-of-hand. It is important that you talk to your teenager about alcohol and take steps to plan a safe party. It is also necessary for you as a host to understand your legal responsibilities.

    Tips for parents with teens attending parties

    1. Know where your child is and who they’re with Take them to where they’re going and pick them up. Don’t leave it to someone else.

    2. Call the host parents Speak to them and find out about supervision and whether alcohol will be provided or tolerated – you can then make an informed decision.

    3. Create rules around parties early Preferably before they start to get invited.

    4. Make consequences of breaking rules clear and stick to them Ensure they know rules are made because you love them and want them to be safe.

    5. If they don’t like the rules, they’re most probably perfect! Reward good behaviour and modify rules as they get older – rules should be age appropriate 2 .

    Tips to help parents talk to teenagers about parties

    Communication with your teenager is vital particularly because they can be exposed to alcohol through friends, peers and the media. Below are some tips to help you communicate with your teenager about alcohol before they attend, or you host, a party:

    Be patient Some teenagers have difficulty expressing themselves and often say things they do not mean. Try not to take what they say personally and avoid engaging in conflict or arguments.

    Listen Try and listen without interrupting. Help them to express themselves by showing a genuine interest.

    Be a good role model Be aware of your behaviour and your own attitude towards alcohol as this can have an impact on the way teenagers address their own alcohol use.

    Discussing drugs and alcohol It is important that you do not glorify your own behaviour and be careful of sounding hypocritical. Help your teenager develop strategies that will help them deal with situations where they will be offered alcohol and other drugs or put in difficult situations.

    Work in collaboration Express the reasons why you came to a particular decision. Allow your teenager the opportunity to talk about the family’s rules and how they affect them 3

    Tips for parents for hosting a party for teens

    Teenage parties are typically organised to celebrate a birthday, end of exams, school balls or just as a gathering. Any party has the potential to get out-of-hand, but by planning ahead you can limit the chance of this happening.

    Discuss with your teenager how they expect the party to run and aim to set some rules. Rules should be set in relation to alcohol, supervision, number of guests, age and maturity of guests, starting and finishing times, transport, sleepovers and what should happen if things get out-of-hand. Remember that whilst compromise may be needed, do not agree to anything you are not fully comfortable with. Talk it through with other parents to find out their own experiences with parties.

    It is common for teenagers to become defensive and accuse you of wanting to stop the fun or feel that you don’t trust them. Be calm and try not to enter into the argument. Listen and remain firm that rules of the party must be established.

    Seven key areas to plan

    1. Selecting an appropriate venue:

    • Lock rooms you don’t want people to enter and put valuables away.
    • Provide parking options.
    • Make sure the venue is appropriate for the number of guests.

    2. Adult supervision:

    • Adult supervision is necessary.
    • Tell your teenager you will be around but not “in their faces” so that you are available if needed.

    3. Music and noise:

    • Agree with your teenager on a moderate level of noise that will reduce in volume after midnight (a good time to end the party).

    4. Inform other parents:

    • Inform other parents by sending out formal invites.
    • Encourage parents to contact you.

    5. Register the party:

    • Registering your party with police means that if trouble does arise, the police can respond quickly and effectively. You can obtain a party registration form from police stations or the WA Police website.

    6. Get guests home safely:

    • Your responsibility as a host includes getting guests home safely.
    • Consider allowing guests to sleep over or providing a bus to drop guests home.
    • Avoid letting guests leave alone or without a responsible chaperone.
    • Make sure you provide food throughout the evening.

    Secondary supply laws and teenage parties

    On 20 November 2015, new Western Australia laws came into effect regarding the secondary supply of alcohol to people under the age of 18. Under this law it is an offence for anyone to supply under 18s with alcohol in a private setting without parental or guardian permission. This offence carries a maximum penalty of $10,000.

    Parents not wanting their children to drink alcohol are now able to stand firm in their decision not to provide young people with alcohol as secondary supply law means adults are legally not able to give alcohol to another person’s child, on a private premise, without parental permission.

    Drunk and unwell guests because of alcohol

    Despite a party having a no alcohol policy, there may be guests attending that have been drinking prior to attending. As a party host you have a duty-of-care for guest’s safety, and here are a few things you can put in place if guests do choose to drink alcohol prior to, and during, the party:

    • Offer plenty of non-alcoholic soft drinks and have water easily accesible.
    • Ensure that food is readily available for guests and is served throughout the night.

    Drinking large amounts of alcohol can result in confusion, blurred vision, poor muscle control, nausea, vomiting, sleep, coma or even death 4 . Sometimes heavy drinking results in alcohol poisoning, and this is a life-threatening emergency. Call 000 if you see these signs in someone who has been drinking:

    • confusion;
    • vomiting;
    • seizures;
    • slow breathing (less than eight breaths a minute) or irregular breathing (a gap of more than 10 seconds between breaths);
    • blue-tinged skin or pale skin;
    • low body temperature (hypothermia);
    • difficulty remaining conscious; and/or
    • passing out (unconsciousness) and can’t be woken up 4 .

    Be honest with yourself about why you dislike them, try to befriend them. And never let your child know you feel that way

    ‘Friends you are currently not keen on can be dropped overnight, turn into absolute charmers.’ Photograph: Mode Images/Alamy

    ‘Friends you are currently not keen on can be dropped overnight, turn into absolute charmers.’ Photograph: Mode Images/Alamy

    Chances are you are going to loathe at least one of your kid’s friends, sometimes for no good reason, but this is one situation where you have to tread very carefully.

    1. Never admit it. That’s the fastest way to make them infinitely more attractive to toddlers and teenagers. If you want to change a vague friendship into something resembling Romeo and Juliet in terms of passion and intensity, just say you don’t like someone. Also, never enthuse about anyone you think is a great influence as that can put the kiss of death on the friendship.

    2. Take the long-term view. Children grow up, teenagers stop rebelling and parents learn to relax a little. Friends you are currently not keen on can be dropped overnight, turn into absolute charmers, or become the friend who is always there for your child, no matter what. Stay quiet and keep an eye on things, as well as being honest enough to admit you got someone wrong.

    3. It’s not about you. Sometimes you don’t like a parent or a different way of bringing up children and that can translate into an unreasonable dislike of a child. Try to be honest with yourself – does a very confident child make yours seem timid, or a different approach to discipline undermine what you always previously thought was reasonable?

    4. Befriend them. This works at every age. Don’t be sycophantic or overeager – just practical and friendly. When they are younger, do things with them such as making cakes, or include them in slightly odd activities, such as clearing out a shed and taking rubbish to the dump. Talk to them, listen to them, be interested. Give them slightly more responsibility than they are used to, so that coming to your home makes them feel more grown up. Similarly with teenagers. Treat them as adults and they find it hard not to respond. Also, your teenagers might find that the coolest person in school isn’t quite such a rebel with their feet under your kitchen table having a cosy cup of tea.

    5. Be wary. If your dislike is based on something tangible and harmful, such as bullying, over-influencing or dangerous behaviours, you will have to do something, but approach with care. With a younger child who is being bossed or bullied by a so-called friend, try empathy and chat about what they can do, especially in their own home, to be in charge for a bit. Never interfere directly as your child won’t welcome that and it might mean they stop telling you what’s worrying them. Focus instead on building their confidence and developing other friendships alongside the one that troubles you. When it comes to peer pressure and drink, drugs and sex, keep talking, but shift the balance slightly, asking if they worry about friends indulging and what the outcome has been if they have. If that takes the conversation on to their own involvement, do not blame anyone else; be glad your teenager has confided and concentrate on helping them.

    6. Don’t be cool. It’s your job to worry. Stranger danger changes in early teens and it can be hard for them to realise that they are more likely to be tempted into dangerous behaviour by someone close to them, such as a sibling, cousin or friend, so have that chat in plenty of time. Pretending you don’t worry is pointless and might inspire attention-seeking behaviour. Always be the parent who can be called in a crisis – whether for your child or their friend. You’re not condoning, but you will help them deal with difficult situations.