How to deal with a mooching friend

Have you got a friend who constantly avoids splitting the bill every time you go out or comes out with the most cliche reason of all time that he or she forgot the wallet at home? And in the end, it is you who has to burn a hole in your own pocket. Well, chances are that you got a moocher friend, who won’t feel shy in placing an order for the most expensive item on the menu and would then ask you to pay. Even after you have expressed your disagreement over this, you do not see any positive change coming so far.

How to deal with a mooching friend

If you are already searching for ways to deal with such a moocher friend then fret no more as we are here to help you.

How to deal with a mooching friend

1. Find Out The Reason Behind It

It could be possible that your friend is going through a financial crisis or comes from a weak financial background. Before judging your friend, make sure you are well aware of his or her financial condition. Rather than making fun of your friend, you can think about ways to help him or her. You can limit your outings with your friend until he or she becomes financially stable.

How to deal with a mooching friend

2. Confront Him/Her About This

If your friend is not going through any financial crisis and is having financial stability, but never steps forward to pay or split the bill then you can surely confront him or her about it. Make sure you convey the matter in a calm and convincing way. Such as rather than telling, ‘You never pay the bill’ tell him or her that you are unable to pay the whole amount and so it would be a relief if he or she split the bill. You can also ask, “I think we need to talk about the money and decide how to pay bills every time we go out.”

How to deal with a mooching friend

3. Remind Him/Her To Carry The Wallet

At times your moocher friend will make excuses like, ‘I forgot my wallet/cash’. This may happen again and again or every time you turn towards him or her for paying the amount. For this, you can think of reminding your friend to carry his or her wallet before he or she steps out of the house. You can say, ‘Please do not forget to carry cash in your wallet, what if we find something too good to resist?’

Trust me, your friend won’t be able to make any such excuse while paying the bill.

How to deal with a mooching friend

4. Make Sure You Split The Bill

Rather than paying the bill and regretting on your action, it will be better if you split the bill in the first place only. As soon as the bill arrives tell your friend that it will be better to split the bill and pay accordingly. This will no doubt help you in dealing with the moocher friend and saving yourself from spending your entire pocket money.

How to deal with a mooching friend

5. Avoid Paying Every Time You Go Out

It might be possible that whenever you and your friend go out, you are the first one to take out the wallet and pay the bills. This happens every time and you don’t know how to put a stop to this. Let your friend take the first step next time. Your friend might ask you to pay the bill but you can make a polite denial by saying, ‘There is a shortage of money.” I hope you don’t mind paying this time’. This can be a better way to turn the table on the moocher.

How to deal with a mooching friend

6. Ask For Money In Front Of Parents

If you have tried asking for your share of money from your moocher friend but have received only blatant lies then why not ask for the same in front of his or her friends.
But here you need to be cautious if your friend’s family is suffering from the financial crisis. Else you can ask him or her to return your money while his or her parents are around. This will compel him or her to pay the amount.

How to deal with a mooching friend

7. Pay Only For What You Ordered

Even after trying the above-mentioned tips, you do not see a positive change coming along, then here is another tip for you. For this, you can pay for only what you ordered. You can also have separate bills for you and your friend. This will surely make him or she pay the bill. Your friend might feel bad for this but to cover up this you can say, ‘I do not want to split the bill. So can we please pay for our respective orders?’

There can be a situation where your friend won’t order anything simply because they have to pay for their food but will not hesitate while grabbing food from your plate.

How to deal with a mooching friend

8. Ask For The Share In Advance

If you are planning to go on a trip or order food online then rather than asking money in the end, you can ask for it. For this, you can say, ‘Well, I think we need to make a contribution to it. Let’s contribute before placing the order/ booking tickets online’. Now here you need to be quite careful as your friend may ask you to pay his or her share as well. You can politely mention that you are not having extra money and therefore, you are unable to pay for his or her share.

How to deal with a mooching friend

9. Mention His/Her Turn To Pay The Bill

The next time you go on shopping or for lunch with your friends, make sure you remind him or her to pay the bills. You can say, ‘Last time we went out, it was me who made the payment. So I think now it is your turn to pay. I hope you don’t mind’. If your friend still makes any excuses to avoid the bills, you can then avoid placing any orders for him or her.

It may be possible that your moocher friend cares for you genuinely but doesn’t want to pay. Therefore, make sure you do not become aggressive. Have an effective discussion over the money to decide how to take things forward. This will no doubt help you to deal with these situations in an effective manner/.

Have you ever had a mooching friend who takes advantage of your generosity? Lisa B. Marshall, aka The Public Speaker, can help you create a healthier relationship.

How to deal with a mooching friend

I get lots of interesting questions emailed to me, and here's one I really wanted to share with you. There are times in our lives when we all find ourselves with a person who just takes and takes . and I hope my advice will help.

I have seen your website with a lot of helpful information about how to be diplomatic and I would like to know your opinion about what words one should use to stop someone exploiting others unscrupulously. My husband has a" friend" who only calls when he needs something to be done for him or to get some free tax and financial advice. When he comes to London, he uses my husband as a free driver for him and his friends, etc. When we go to the restaurant he never pays for himself, and recently not even for his girlfriend. He takes advantage with a big smile on his face.

Thanks for your advice,

Dealing with a Moocher

Anna, it’s interesting that you put the word “friend” in quotes, and of course, your instinct was right. A friend is someone who shares something in common with you and whose company you enjoy. You mutually benefit from the relationship, and you’re both happy to continue it. A moocher, however, is someone who expects benefits from a relationship without providing any in return. This guy sounds like a moocher. So, how do you deal with this guy? Well, the first thing we need to consider is your husband’s feelings towards his behavior.

How Should You Feel When Someone Is Using You?

Some people really don’t mind when others take advantage of them. They really, sincerely enjoy helping others and perhaps they benefit from the relationship in that way. And that’s totally fine. Anna, if your husband doesn’t mind his “friend” mooching off him, for the sake of your own peace of mind, you will have to just accept that your husband is okay with this behavior. If, however, he’s not happy, he will begin to experience some stress over it, and that’s not good for his health.

So let’s discuss how to deal with moochers, when you want to remain diplomatic.

How to Politely Stop a Moocher

It helps to first try to determine the other person’s perspective. Does he realize he’s taking advantage? Is he just lonely? Is this his way of reaching out? Looking at the other person without anger or resentment can help you deal with a person with respect and kindness. However, it’s still crucial to set boundaries. If a person calls expecting a ride, a simple “I’m not available” should suffice. To make the point more clear, your husband could give the man the number of a taxi service. "I'm sorry, I'm not available. Here's the number of a reliable taxi service that I've used." (Then he can’t argue, “But I don’t know else who to call!”)

If a person has a habit of inviting himself to a restaurant without the expectation of paying, your husband could say, “We would love to have a meal with you. Can we go dutch? Right now Anna and I are only able to pay for ourselves." If he wanted to be more direct, he could add, "Are you able to cover your dinner? If not, unfortunately, we won't be able to go." This should make the point clear, and usually, after one or two rebuffs like this, he should get the hint.

Nothing kills a night out with friends like people trying to dodge the check. One person may regularly “forget” his wallet. Another doesn’t protest — ever — when you offer to pick up the tab.

Ongoing spending differences may strain your relationships and hurt your financial goals. A budget calculator will reveal just how generous you can afford to be. But if you’re unhappy with a friend who consistently doesn’t pay her share, fix it before resentment takes hold. Here’s how:

IDENTIFY THE UNDERLYING ISSUE

You will have a range of financial personalities among friends. Sort out the ones you can live with from the ones who make you feel shortchanged.

• The nickel-and-dimer: Some friends prefer to pay only for what they consumed, down to the penny, even when the group wants to split the check evenly.

While stinginess isn’t exactly mooching, it may breed a similar feeling of resentment. Still, though your friend’s preference is different from yours, there’s nothing inherently wrong with it. In this instance, it’s up to you to accept your friend can’t or doesn’t want to pay extra, and move on.

“A sensitive friend looks at the big picture and says, ‘OK, this might be a quirk that I don’t have, but it’s also probably the fairest way to go about this,'” says Andrea Bonior, a clinical psychologist and author of “The Friendship Fix.”

That’s especially true if your friend forgoes costly cocktails or orders less-expensive dishes. A number of mobile apps exist to simplify check-splitting.

• The cash-crunched: A friend who is between jobs or who just put a security deposit on a new apartment might not have spare fun money. But if he’s not a frequent bill dodger and you want to go out with him, picking up the tab occasionally is fine, says Irene S. Levine, a psychologist and creator of The Friendship Blog. Again, understanding your own budget constraints can help you gauge the right frequency.

If your friend’s cash crunch is longer-term — he has a lower-paying job than you, say — consider cheaper entertainment like a night at home binge-watching “RuPaul’s Drag Race.” You’ll save money and patience, and your friend won’t feel endlessly indebted to you.

• The chronic freeloader: The trouble starts when your generosity becomes expected. Some friends actively avoid paying their share. Perhaps they conveniently retire to the bathroom before the check comes or, when you travel together, don’t reimburse you for the hotel until months later, if at all. This can lead to anger and bitterness. If you care about saving the friendship, a mature, respectful discussion is your next step.

TALK IT OUT

Instead of holding a grudge, Bonior suggests you pick a time to have a private conversation that’s not in the moment — not, for instance, when your friend says her paycheque is late and she’ll cover drinks next time.

When you’re in a place where you both feel comfortable, say, “This is really awkward, but remember when you put that concert ticket on my credit card? You still haven’t paid me back, and I could really use the money.” Or “I feel a little frustrated because you haven’t thrown in cash for drinks lately.”

Go with “I” statements, which focus the conversation on how you feel, rather than attacking your friend’s character.

KNOW WHEN TO MOVE ON

Friends may take time to address your concerns. But if three months later the same issues continue to crop up, say something. Again. If you have a sense of how much money you’ve expended covering shortfalls since you first talked, let your friend know. At this point, it may be time to re-evaluate your relationship.

“If a friendship consistently makes you feel drained, put upon, used or stressed, it’s time to move on,” Levine says.

That doesn’t require announcing your friendship is over. Start by turning down your friend’s invitations and slowly extricating yourself from daily interactions. If your friend asks what’s going on, you can be honest; but remember you don’t have to feel guilty for letting the friendship fizzle. Your happiness — and bank account — are too precious to squander.

You will have a range of financial personalities among friends. The nickel-and-dimer is the one who prefers to pay only for what he's consumed, down to the penny, even when the group wants to split the check evenly.

(Nicholas Hunt/Getty Images)

Nothing kills a night out with friends like people trying to dodge the check. One person may regularly "forget" his wallet. Another doesn't protest — ever — when you offer to pick up the tab.

Ongoing spending differences may strain your relationships and hurt your financial goals. A budget calculator will reveal just how generous you can afford to be. But if you're unhappy with a friend who consistently doesn't pay her share, fix it before resentment takes hold. Here's how.

Identify the underlying issue

You will have a range of financial personalities among friends. Sort out the ones you can live with from the ones who make you feel shortchanged.

The nickel-and-dimer: Some friends prefer to pay only for what they consumed, down to the penny, even when the group wants to split the check evenly.

While stinginess isn't exactly mooching, it may breed a similar feeling of resentment. Still, though your friend's preference is different from yours, there's nothing inherently wrong with it. In this instance, it's up to you to accept your friend can't or doesn't want to pay extra, and move on.

"A sensitive friend looks at the big picture and says, 'OK, this might be a quirk that I don't have, but it's also probably the fairest way to go about this,'" says Andrea Bonior, a clinical psychologist and author of "The Friendship Fix."

That's especially true if your friend forgoes costly cocktails or orders less-expensive dishes. A number of mobile apps exist to simplify check-splitting.

The cash-crunched: A friend who is between jobs or who just put a security deposit on a new apartment might not have spare fun money. But if he's not a frequent bill dodger and you want to go out with him, picking up the tab occasionally is fine, says Irene S. Levine, a psychologist and creator of The Friendship Blog. Again, understanding your own budget constraints can help you gauge the right frequency.

If your friend's cash crunch is longer-term — he has a lower-paying job than you, say — consider cheaper entertainment like a night at home binge-watching "RuPaul's Drag Race." You'll save money and patience, and your friend won't feel endlessly indebted to you.

The chronic freeloader: The trouble starts when your generosity becomes expected. Some friends actively avoid paying their share. Perhaps they conveniently retire to the bathroom before the check comes or, when you travel together, don't reimburse you for the hotel until months later, if at all. This can lead to anger and bitterness. If you care about saving the friendship, a mature, respectful discussion is your next step.

Talk it out

Instead of holding a grudge, Bonior suggests you pick a time to have a private conversation that's not in the moment — not, for instance, when your friend says her paycheck is late and she'll cover drinks next time.

When you're in a place where you both feel comfortable, say, "This is really awkward, but remember when you put that concert ticket on my credit card? You still haven't paid me back, and I could really use the money." Or "I feel a little frustrated because you haven't thrown in cash for drinks lately."

Go with "I" statements, which focus the conversation on how you feel, rather than attacking your friend's character.

The word ‘mooch’ became famous because of the hit American TV show Two and a Half Men, in which actor Jon Cryer,who played the role of Alan Harper, mooches of his elder brother Charlie Harper, played by actor Charlie sheen.

Some of us have friends who always help us out, and share things with us. And some of us have freeloaders, moochers aka leeches, who masquerade as friends. These are a special breed as they have an uncanny ability to borrow things and not return them ever. They also tag along for a meal without ever splitting the bill. Moochers and freeloaders skill set lies in exploiting the fact that you are generous, and too nice to do anything about it. So, if you have a friend who mooches off you, and you don’t know how to deal with him/her, then here’s what you need to do to stop them from freeloading off you.

Understand the type:

1)The constant borrower

The borrower is perpetually in need of money. This one cleverly manipulates your emotions, by sweet talking you into lending cash. They also provide convincing reasons for borrowing money such as: “If you don’t lend me money for rent then I’ll be on the streets!” And when you ask for your money back, they keep giving excuses like: “As soon as I get my salary, I’ll give it back to you.”

By giving one excuse after another, they hope that you will eventually forget that you owe money to them.

2)The moocher

We all have that one (or if you are too sweet then more than one) friend or family member, who crashes at our place because they’ve had a bad breakup or because they can’t pay the rent anymore, and need a place to stay. However, the problem starts when you suddenly realise that their temporary arrangement has become a permanent one. They mooch off your food, electricity and everything, and don’t even consider contributing to your house in any capacity. These moochers are like worst nightmares coming true!

3)The evader

The evader, also known as the artful dodger, is a smooth operator when it comes to freeloading free meals. Every time you are out with your friends for food, the artful dodger will manage to sneak out and avoid paying for their share of partake. A common trick they pull is whenever the cheque is called for, the evaders excuse themselves to head to the washroom. And by the time they come back, the bill is already paid for.

How to deal with them?

Dealing with friends and relatives who are freeloaders and moochers is a bit tricky. If you decide to be brutally honest, then you can end up burning all bridges with them. And that’s fine if you want it that way. However, if you want to preserve your friendship then a little bit of subtlety is required.

When dealing with the borrower, you can try to divert the conversation by changing the topic or simply explain that even you are short on cash. And while having this conversation, if you want to enquire why your friend is always in this situation, you can subtly ask: “Hey, am worried for you. Lately you have been having monetary troubles.”

As for the moocher, don’t say yes to them moving in until they specifically tell you when they are moving out. Also, when you have this conversation, casually ask them: “You will be cleaning the house right?” This will ensure that the moocher knows that they can’t stick around for long.

And when you are dealing with the artful dodger, stop inviting them for meals, and being hopeful that they become aware that you know how they evade the bill. Another way to get them to pay their share is when you make a plan with them, you can say: “It’s your treat right? Since I paid last time!” if this doesn’t work then it’s time to move away from such friends.

Here’s how to recognize a freeloader before they move in, borrow money and mess up your life.

How to deal with a mooching friend

How to deal with a mooching friend

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Here’s how to recognize a freeloader before they move in, borrow money and mess up your life.

No life journey is complete without meeting a moocher or two along the way. You probably won’t meet a moocher at work, since they’re averse to holding down jobs. But that doesn’t mean they’re not out there, sizing you up.

Smiling at you at a coffee shop. Swirling ice in a drink someone bought them at a bar. Cracking a joke at the dog park. Moochers don’t have to stand at intersections asking for money or hold up a sign telling a hard-luck story. That’s because they’ve mastered the art of living off other people’s generosity.

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1. Reappears out of nowhere

How to deal with a mooching friend

Remember your old buddy that disappeared after wrecking your car? If he’s a true moocher, he’ll find you again. He could show up at your door with an apology, ready to move to a new city or between apartments “for now.”

Turning up broke and in need of a short-term loan is the moocher’s modus operandi. If you come through with the loan, you won’t hear from him again – until next time he needs cash or a place to flop.

2. Perpetually unemployed

How to deal with a mooching friend

Have you ever known someone always “looking for a job” who never finds one? The moocher’s job search can go on for years, even decades.

Meanwhile, soft-hearted people with jobs get to pay for lunch, fork over cash for groceries and loan money to be paid back “after I get a job.”

3. Ever ungrateful

How to deal with a mooching friend

Give a moocher with no furniture your used sofa and she’ll complain that the fabric is the wrong color. Leave a bag of groceries on his doorstep and he’ll gripe because you bought the wrong flavor of Pop-Tarts.

A veteran moocher makes an art of funding his or her expenses with other people’s money, credit (“Can you co-sign on a loan?”) and kindness. Don’t stop paying it forward. Just stop paying someone who expects “donations” on a regular basis.

4. Works social media like a pro

How to deal with a mooching friend

The moocher sees GoFundMe and social media pleas as ways to fund vacations, pay rent or buy a car. Facebook friends are eager to rescue a moocher they’ve never met who pleads for money to stop utilities from being shut off or drops hints daily about having no food in the pantry.

Unlike someone who really needs the help, once the person scores some cash, she’ll go back to posting selfies of herself attending high-priced concerts and professional ballgames gifted by an “angel” hoping to ease her everyday struggle.

5. Skilled judge of character

How to deal with a mooching friend

No one can size up a potential donor or lender like a moocher. Do you have a soft spot for people who’ve fallen on hard times? Believe that most people are inherently good? If so, the moocher can sense you’re still unjaded enough to be an easy mark.

The good news is that a freeloader usually also knows from experience when one well is dry and it’s time to start pumping the next. When that happens, use that time to wise up and polish your own character-judging skills so the next time the moocher hits you up, you’ll know better.

6. Still lives at home

How to deal with a mooching friend

Continuing to live with your parents as an adult could be a sign of several different things. Trying to pay off debt. Saving money for a down payment on a house. Studying up to become a serial killer.

More likely, the guy eating his way through mom’s groceries is just a big moocher, still watching cartoons on Saturday morning in his footie pajamas.

7. No friends or only new friends

How to deal with a mooching friend

A moocher’s charisma can only go so far. While making friends may be easy for a freeloader adept at playing the likeability game, keeping those comrades is another story.

When you meet someone whose “best friend” is someone she met last month, beware. Moochers burn through friends faster than they can drain a tank of gas in a borrowed car.

8. Can calculate anything but a restaurant bill

How to deal with a mooching friend

A moocher can decipher to the penny how much you owe him for the craft beer and Doritos you asked him to bring to your party. When it’s time to chip in for his share of the restaurant bill, however, his math skills falter.

Why should he pay for guacamole when he scooped only one chip? A freeloader also loses count of drinks after the second margarita. Pitch in for the tip? Forget it. Or the ultimate moocher move: “Forgot my debit card, so I’ll get it next time.”

9. Expects free labor

How to deal with a mooching friend

Moochers don’t hire professional movers for their multiple relocations. Instead, they ask their new friends to show up and do most of the packing. They don’t pay for a pet sitter or boarding for their cat or dog when they travel, either. They ask you to feed and walk their pets, with no mention of pay.

Thinking about asking for help moving or pet sitting in return? Don’t waste your time. He’s got a bad back. She’s allergic to cats. A true moocher has an assortment of selective disabilities for any reciprocal occasion.

Mellody Hobson lends advice for dealing with clinging family and friends.

Oct. 6, 2009 — — When Penny Campbell got divorced and started having financial trouble, she asked her older sister Lisa Griffith if she could move into Griffith and her husband’s Texas home temporarily in order to get back on her feet.

That was six years ago.

Though Campbell has been trying desperately to become financially independent again and has moved out several times, she’s always had to move back in. Now, she’s something of a permanent fixture in the Griffith family, paying a small amount of rent while she finishes school.

Regardless of her intentions to the contrary, Campbell has become a financial freeloader, according to “Good Morning America” financial contributor Mellody Hobson.

How do you say no to family or friends that seem to need your help? It’s a sticky situation, but Hobson stopped by “GMA” to show how you can first spot the freeloaders and then how to deal with them effectively, without abandoning them.

Freeloading? The Sisters Campbell and Griffith Under Stress

When Campbell struggled through divorce and devastating financial setbacks, she fell back on her sister for support.

“I’m lucky I have family to turn to, through the good times and the bad,” she said.

But soon things got so bad financially that she had to leave her three children and father in Montana and relocate to Texas where Griffith lived so she could move in with the couple and their 17-year-old son and save money.

“I don’t want her to fail at all,” Griffith said. “She’s very smart. She works really hard. I didn’t want her to worry about those finances, but live here for financial reasons.”

Despite working a full-time job in law enforcement and working part-time at a local department store, Campbell has not made any progress financially in the six years since she moved in.

“I haven’t been able to save any money. It’s one of those things where I look at my paycheck and I’m like, ‘Where did my money go?’ I know I get paid this amount a month, and by the end of that paycheck, it’s already gone,” Campbell said.

But Campbell’s not the only one getting frustrated; Griffith is also feeling the growing strain.

“I feel like she does take advantage of us sometimes,” Griffith said. “Being a family member, she feels that she can be late on rent and not communicate that she’s going to do that. She just becomes so defensive. I approached her, she didn’t approach me.”

Campbell asked her sister if she could stay in the home until she finishes school, about another nine months.

“I didn’t want to do it, but I thought what’s another year almost, nine months, whatever,” Griffith said. “And so I said that’s fine. If that’s what you got to do, that’s fine.”

Mellody Hobson on Financial Freeloaders

The financial situation is tearing at the sister’s relationship.

“It has affected our relationship in a negative way, in a way that I wish wasn’t there,” Griffith said. “I want her to have a great life. That’s all I’ve ever wanted for her.”

“I get frustrated because I am not at the point where I thought I would be,” Campbell said through tears. “If I sat here and said I’m not doing anything to turn it around. but I am.”

According to Hobson, the first thing to know is whether a family or friend has become a freeloader. There are several warning signs.

Picking Out the Freeloaders

He or she repeatedly comes back for money.

If the same person is constantly coming back for money, or in Campbell’s case relying on her sister for six years, Hobson said they are freeloading.

“When you’re dealing with someone where it’s a repeat situation…you’ve got to say no,” Hobson said. “It’s very, very difficult, but you need to say no.”

Someone who is truly in need will ask for help once or twice as a last resort and then figure out a way to make ends meet, she said.

He or she buys luxuries instead of necessities.

If a friend or relative uses your money to buy things that they want but don’t need, they definitely crossed the line into freeloading, Hobson said.

He or she acts like a victim.

Another way to spot a freeloader is to see if they seem to have stopped helping themselves. Hobson said if they start acting like a victim and only feel as though other people can solve their problems, then they are freeloading.

In that situation, Hobson says, “you’ve got to put the ball in their court and have them take control of their life.”

Dealing With a Freeloader

After you’ve identified your freeloader, you need to take steps to curb their freeloading habits, Hobson said.

Set clear boundaries on help.

First, tell whoever you’re helping exactly how you’re going to help them. The person who you are helping should be able to say exactly why they need the assistance and what they’re going to do with whatever help they get, Hobson said. For Griffith and Campbell, Hobson suggested sitting down to communicate frustrations.

Jeopardizing your relationship is “just not worth it,” Hobson said. “Talk about these issues openly.”

Don’t go into debt helping others.

While Hobson said she would not suggest turning down everyone that asks for help, you have to be careful not to enable those you do help. It’s definitely time to stop when your help is more than you can afford, she said. Both of you going into debt is the worst case for everyone involved — “you can’t put yourself in peril.”

Helping a Freeloader Become Financially Independent

There are two major things you can do to help make sure a freeloader doesn’t need your help in the future: give non-financial help and develop a financial plan with them.

Give non-financial help.

To help a freeloader get back on their feet, you can help by finding out what their goals are and how they are going to achieve them, Hobson said. Paying for a resume or a job hunting seminar can pay off if they’re out of work. Whatever it may be, it’s important to provide them the tools to get back on their feet.

Help with a financial plan.

A financial plan can help organize your freeloader. According to the financial planning Web site Simplifi, only 5 percent of Americans have a written financial plan, but they have found that if you have a written plan, you are 250 percent more likely to achieve your financial goals.

“If you are going to give [someone] money, put it in the form of a loan,” Hobson advises. “That will help the situation and help them take responsibility and accountability for what is going on.”

Freeloading Kids

It may seem like special circumstances when the freeloader is your child, but according to Hobson, establishing boundaries is still important.

If they have a job but are living at home, they should be paying rent, she said. Beyond that, consider charging a maintenance fee or requiring that they help out with household chores.

Hobson doesn’t recommend these measures purely for financial reasons but also to teach responsibility, she said.

Hi everyone! I’m hoping you guys can provide me with some insight on how to talk to my friend regarding her taking advantage of me lately when it comes to money. So background of a friendship is my friend and I have been friends for a long time 15 years almost. She comes from a wealthy family and has a habit of getting what she wants, however when she moved out and got a place of her own it was less so. We used to have the type of friendship where if I got the lyft she would buy a round of drinks etc (sometimes I treat, sometimes she would). I’ve noticed in the past year or so this has changed a lot, I do think some of it is relation to the guy she is dating as when we go out with him I notice he never offers to pay and she always is footing his bill (which is fine – I am married and my husband and I alternate who pays or split etc) – May be nothing but an observation. It has become apparent every time we go out I am to pay for the bill etc and it is not only hurting my feelings, but is making me resent her as I feel like she is using me. I know she is the type of person that she probably doesn’t realize she is doing this and would want to know, but she is VERY sensitive so I would like to address it in a manner that would make the issue apparent, but not hurt her feelings necessarily. I’m looking for advice on how to address this situation with her.

Some examples of the “mooching”:

We went out to my husband’s work for food and drinks. She asked if I would want to split some crabs with her and her guy as it would be cheaper (only 12 dollars a person). When we got the bill she asked my husband to split our bill down the middle (so I paid for half and she paid for half despite her man and her getting food/drinks and I got maybe one drink and ate like 3 crabs). Maybe I’m dumb, but when she said split the bill I figured it would be 3 ways not down the middle.

We were supposed to get pedicures together and she texted me stating she had a question for me. I said sure what’s up and she said can you pay for my pedicure I don’t have the money for it. I told her I just paid a large bill for my school and can’t afford to pay for both of us, maybe we could rent a movie or go to the park and do something cheaper. When I told her this she said “oh never mind my credit card limit went up, I can go now”. Then after the pedicure she proceeded to get wine and beer for her man and her along with her pedicure.

Another friend of mine was having a birthday dinner and invited me to come and said I could invite this friend as she knew my husband was working and we were going to go downtown afterwards. I asked my friend if she wanted to come and said as my treat I will buy us dinner and maybe a drink (the place we went to was not super expensive). We get to the dinner and she proceeds to order an appetizer, 3 drinks, and then gets a Bloody Mary and asks for top shelf, along with her actual meal. After dinner she says how she is craving ice cream and I asked her if she wouldn’t mind paying for the ice cream as I already spent a lot of money that day she then told me “oh I didn’t bring my wallet or any cash”.

I don’t mind paying for a friend, but I do mind being taken advantage of. She is a good friend, great in fact, she will be there for me at the drop of a hat and goes out of her way for others. However, I do want to address the issue as I feel as it is negatively impacting our friendship. Hoping for some advice on how to talk to her about this! Thanks 🙂

S o, here are the tips for dealing with moochers and users.

  1. Have and communicate strong boundaries with those you give to.
  2. It’s okay to say no.
  3. If you want to know who your real friends are, tell them NO once in awhile and see how they react.
  4. Keep track of people’s reciprocity and keep balanced accounts.

What is it called when you mooch off someone?

To ask for or obtain (something) through the charity of someone or something; to sponge off someone or something else.

Is mooching bad?

Mooching, also called sponging, is when someone repeatedly asks for help from others. They won’t work very hard to help themselves first, and they have a low likelihood of returning the favor or ever ceasing to ask for help. Sometimes it’s just a bad habit born of obliviousness, shame, or immaturity.

How do you tell if your friend is a moocher?

Be wary of a friend, family member or partner who asks for a lot but never reciprocates. A moocher does not return the same amount of time, energy or money he has drained from you. He only comes to you when he needs something and is not available when you ask for similar favors.

How do you deal with mooch?

If you are already searching for ways to deal with such a moocher friend then fret no more as we are here to help you.

  1. Find Out The Reason Behind It.
  2. Confront Him/Her About This.
  3. Remind Him/Her To Carry The Wallet.
  4. Make Sure You Split The Bill.
  5. Avoid Paying Every Time You Go Out.
  6. Ask For Money In Front Of Parents.

How do I stop enabling a moocher?

Simply tell the moocher you’ve noticed she has been short on cash lately, and ask if everything is alright. Once the moocher is aware that you’ve noticed the behavior, it may be enough to put a stop to it.

What is mooch app?

Mooch is an app-based online rental marketplace for multi-category products. Users can select and rent products like tools, camping equipment, household items, baby supplies, and more. It also allows product owners to list and lend their products. The app is available for Android and iOS platforms.

What is a moocher?

: one who exploits the generosity of others : a person who mooches off others Whether it’s stiffing drinking buddies with the check, bumming rides, “borrowing” cigarettes or sponging off meals, moochers can push the limits of friendship by making a habit of manipulating others to avoid paying their fair share.—

How do you set boundaries with mooch?

Boundaries 301: How to Deal With a Moocher

  1. Steps to handling a moocher:
  2. Joke around about their “absentmindedness”.
  3. At a restaurant, ask for separate checks when you order.
  4. Get to the root of their financial woes.
  5. Assign the moocher a fair share in advance.
  6. Mention that it’s the moocher’s turn to treat.
  7. Turn the tables.

How do you deal with freeloaders at work?

Top tip: Some of the ways in which you can help reduce the freeloader problem are to…

  1. reduce the extent to which you rely on group marks;
  2. ask groups to keep formal minutes of their meetings, which must then be signed off by a member of staff (see Monitoring groups);

Does getting a tad hurt?

Does It Hurt? TADs are minimally invasive, safe, and cause little to no pain. Before the TADs are inserted, the area is numbed using an anesthetic. There may be small amounts of pain after the anesthetic wears off within the first 24 hours.

I read with interest your article on Jason and people like him who frequently take advantage of others. I’ve been struggling with this very issue for several years, wanting to be helpful to a friend and wanting to see the best in him, but with passage of time and countless disheartening “favors” I’ve realized that this person will not stop taking advantage of me until I put an end to it.

The problem is that I don’t know how to end it without making things awkward. We have mutual contacts and I have a feeling that he will twist whatever I have to say in a way that makes me look like the bad person and him the victim – this has been his pattern of behavior all these years I have known him.

It makes me sad to see him repeatedly taking advantage of people around him. I’ve tried to distance myself but he continues to ask to hang out. Do you have any suggestions on how to handle this type of situation? I would really appreciate your guidance.

I feel for the angst that you have experienced over this fellow – I am intimately aware of what it’s like to want to be a generous and thoughtful friend, only to realize that a person you have given your heart, time, and resources to has no qualms about repeatedly taking advantage of your kindness.

I’ve come to believe that there is a type of person in this world who has grown up to feel there is nothing wrong with regularly asking others for favors and using other people’s resources. Let’s arbitrarily call this type of person Reggie for the purpose of coming to terms with how to view and deal with the Reggies of the world.

My feeling is that Reggies don’t see their actions as taking advantage; rather, they see themselves as grinding, hustling, doing whatever it takes to get what they want for themselves and their loved ones. When they are able to score a free stay at your home or in your hotel room, when they’re able to get you to pay for their meal or have dinner at your place, Reggies experience a sense of satisfaction, feeling that their hard work – smooth talking and persuasive storytelling – has led to a well deserved reward.

It doesn’t occur to Reggies that in using your hard-earned resources, they are taking away from you or your loved ones. All they zoom in on are benefits they reap for free.

Sophisticated Reggies strive to create the illusion that they aren’t taking advantage. They are experts in making half-hearted disingenuous offers to “chip in” or to “get the next one.” They are good at saying thank you and proclaiming what a good friend you are, how you are just like family, all while looking ahead to other ways they can use you – always working, always hustling.

I’ll pay you back.

You’re such a good friend.

None of these words cost Reggies a thing. These phrases are purposefully used with hope they can avoid looking like the freeloading moochers they are.

My experience has been that most Reggies don’t intend to hurt their prey. When Reggies bring themselves and their friends to sleep over and eat your food, they aren’t thinking of the time and work that you put in to afford your place and edibles; they are only celebrating their win. As they over-fill their cereal bowl with almond milk that you earned with honest work, they think nothing of leaving most of the milk to be discarded – why should they be careful with your resources when they are #winning?

I don’t mean to patronize with my description of the Reggies of our world and their mindset. My hope is to clearly illuminate said mindset so that kind-hearted Sam and others like him can more easily stand up and peacefully say no without guilt or a need to explain why not. When we understand how Reggies think and how they view others, it liberates us to better honour our efforts, hard-earned resources, and those in our lives who are more deserving of our love and support.

Is it fruitful to respectfully express to Reggies that we feel they are taking advantage?

In my experience, Reggies do not have the mental or emotional capacity to consider the possibility that they are living selfishly. My feeling is that if Reggies could consider this possibility, they wouldn’t take advantage of others to begin with.

By telling Reggies that we will no longer let them take advantage of us, the most likely outcome is some blend of indignation, hostility, and masterful storytelling to others where we become the character who has wronged Reggie, so who else will now step up to help Reggie out?

My opinion is that there is little potential good that can come from telling folks like Reggie that we feel they are selfish. The only people who stand a chance of having some impact with this level of feedback on character and values are blood family members, mostly parents and grandparents. But even then, full grown adult Reggies typically do not possess minds or hearts that are ripe for personal growth and transformation, so sharing such feedback usually doesn’t end well.

Sam: If you are still feeling conflicted about peacefully moving on from your Reggie’s selfish ways, it might be helpful to ask yourself if you wish such a friend for a loved one – for your child, brother, grandmother, sister? If the answer is a resounding NO THANK YOU, on behalf of our readership, I hereby grant you permission to send him light and send him off. How to do this, you ask? Simply don’t engage. And when Reggie asks you what’s wrong, say nothing is wrong, I wish you well.

Another way of handling a money moocher is to directly refuse the request. Tell him you are sorry, but you don’t have spare cash to accommodate him. Say no to letting him borrow.

How do you set boundaries with a moocher?

  1. Steps to handling a moocher:
  2. Joke around about their “absentmindedness”. .
  3. At a restaurant, ask for separate checks when you order. .
  4. Get to the root of their financial woes. .
  5. Assign the moocher a fair share in advance. .
  6. Mention that it’s the moocher’s turn to treat. .
  7. Turn the tables.

How do you deal with a mooch friend?

Assign the moocher a fair share in advance.

Make a list, and ask the mooching friend what he or she will bring. If they lament their financial situation, empathize and ask them to bring one of the less expensive items, or suggest that they cook something (which is always cheaper, but at least it requires effort).

How do you deal with a freeloader?

  1. Communicate expectations ahead of time.
  2. Don’t give in. Be strong in saying “No.”
  3. Stop loaning, agreeing to be paid later, or compromising in any other way.
  4. Hangout with them less, or drop the friendship.
  5. Last Words.

How to Stop Enabling A Freeloader #Freeloader #Enabler #mooching #freeloadingfriends #entitled

36 related questions found

How do you spot a moocher?

Smiling at you at a coffee shop. Swirling ice in a drink someone bought them at a bar. Cracking a joke at the dog park. Moochers don’t have to stand at intersections asking for money or hold up a sign telling a hard-luck story.

What is a moocher?

: one who exploits the generosity of others : a person who mooches off others Whether it’s stiffing drinking buddies with the check, bumming rides, “borrowing” cigarettes or sponging off meals, moochers can push the limits of friendship by making a habit of manipulating others to avoid paying their fair share.—

Is mooching bad?

Whether it’s stiffing drinking buddies with the check, bumming rides, “borrowing” cigarettes or sponging off meals, moochers can push the limits of friendship by making a habit of manipulating others to avoid paying their fair share.

How do I know if my boyfriend is a mooch?

  1. He’s designed a date payment rotation plan. .
  2. Your fridge is practically his fridge. .
  3. He forgets his cash. .
  4. he asks you to make pitstops. .
  5. Your house becomes a laundromat. .
  6. He uses you for fashion. .
  7. Your friends say he’s a mooch. .
  8. He’s eager to move in.

How do I become a mooch?

How do I Mooch? To mooch, one must ask for money from every single family member. This becomes especially long-winded if you are unlucky enough to have multiple siblings or two parents. An ideal set-up is that you are an only child of a single parent, this means you will only need to ask one person for money.

What does mean freeloader?

A freeloader is a person who takes things from others without paying for them or giving anything in return. If you eat all of your friend’s Pop-Tarts and play his video games but then refuse to help with his math homework, you’re a freeloader.

How do you get rid of freeloader roommates?

Since the law regards him as a tenant, he cannot be locked out or forcibly removed. Your only legal avenue is to give him a written notice of termination of tenancy. If he doesn’t leave voluntarily after receiving written notice, you can file an eviction lawsuit, known as an unlawful detainer, in court.

What is another word for freeloader?

In this page you can discover 11 synonyms, antonyms, idiomatic expressions, and related words for freeloader, like: moocher, sponge, leech, hanger-on, parasite, dependence, bloodsucker, sponger, barnacle, lowlife and townies.

What's another word for moocher?

In this page you can discover 10 synonyms, antonyms, idiomatic expressions, and related words for moocher, like: panhandler, almswoman, bummer, request, cadger, mendicant, mooch, scrounger, almsman and beggar.

How do you tell if a guy is a freeloader?

  1. Money talks in between cuddles. .
  2. No insistence on sharing bills. .
  3. Fancy habits and addictions. .
  4. Financial dependence on parents. .
  5. Intentions to share accommodation but not rent. .
  6. Lacks a sense of pride and finds fault with others.

How do you spot a deadbeat?

  1. Someone else supports him. .
  2. He doesn’t take responsibility. .
  3. He’s immature. .
  4. He’s uncomfortable with your success. .
  5. He won’t commit – to anything. .
  6. His friends are like him.

Where did the word mooch come from?

Mooch, in its original sense of “to be stingy,” literally meant “to hide coins in one’s nightcap.” This approach traces the Middle English mowche/mucche to the Middle Dutch muste, “nightcap,” in turn from the Medieval Latin almucia, “nightcap,” of unknown origin.

What is mooching for salmon?

“Mooching,” (not to be confused with smooching), is a style of fishing developed by the Japanese in Seattle’s Elliott Bay in the 1920’s. In essence, the purpose of mooching is to get the bait (a cut plug herring) down to the salmon, using a natural presentation.

Is mooch a proper word?

to skulk or sneak. to loiter or wander about. Also moocher. a person who mooches.

How do you spell Moucher?

  1. (transitive) to blow (someone’s) nose.
  2. (transitive, colloquial) to put someone in their place.
  3. (reflexive) to blow one’s nose.
  4. (transitive) to snuff out (a candle etc.)

What dies low life mean?

Definition. (Also lowlife) A low-life is a person who is considered morally unacceptable by their community such as thieves, drug dealers, drug users, alcoholics, thugs, prostitutes and pimps.

What is the synonym of laziness?

In this page you can discover 76 synonyms, antonyms, idiomatic expressions, and related words for laziness, like: indolence, neglectfulness, lethargy, heaviness, lackadaisicalness, slackness, languor, sloth, otioseness, apathy and leisureliness.

What does the word Townies mean?

English Language Learners Definition of townie

: a person who lives in a town or city. : a person who lives in a town that has a college or university but does not work at or attend the school.

Can you kick a guest out of your house?

Legally Removing People. Send a certified letter asking them to leave in 30 days or less. While a house guest is not technically a tenant, certain tenant-landlord laws still apply to the relationship if they’ve been with your for more than 30 days. Talk to an attorney who will help you draft and send an eviction notice .

What is tedious work mean?

marked by monotony or tedium; long and tiresome: tedious tasks; a tedious journey. wordy so as to cause weariness or boredom, as a speaker, a writer, or the work they produce; prolix.

We’ve all experienced a moocher – someone who conveniently “forgets” their wallet at home every time you go out to dinner, “loses” anything you loan them, and always manages to get out of their share of a chore. If you want to maintain both the friendship and your sanity, you will have to set firm but clear boundaries to stop the mooching behavior. The key is to anticipate potential situations where the mooching will occur, and address the issue with increasing degrees of confrontation.

Joke around about their “absentmindedness”.For example, if your friend chronically “forgets” her wallet, assume that she will do so the next time you go out to dinner. Before you leave for the restaurant, smile and poke fun: “You sure you’ve got your wallet this time?” If they want to borrow something that probably isn’t going to get returned, you can say something to the effect of “Pretty soon you’re going to have my entire wardrobe!” Maintain a cheery disposition – the moocher should register that you’re on to them, although that’s not always enough to make them stop.

At a restaurant, ask for separate checks when you order. If the moocher tends to not order anything, but then picks incessantly at yourdish, cough lightly on your food and say something like “You might not want to eat these nachos. I think I might be getting the flu. Why don’t I order you a separate dish?” When you order, ask for that dish to be on a separate check. If your friends might think that’s poor etiquette, say something like “I’m writing it off as a business expense; I have to have separate receipts in case I screw up and get audited!”

Casually mention on your way out to eat that you only brought enough money to pay for yourself. Or say when you’re planning the outing that everyone will be paying for themselves. Make sure you stick to this when the bill comes!

Get to the root of their financial woes.Sometimes people are genuinely in a pinch, but if you’re reading this, the moocher in question is probably someone who chronically looks for a free ride, and who you suspect is too lazy or cheap to pull their own weight. Every time they’re short on cash, make it a point to bring up his or her money issues in private, shortly afterward. Approach the matter delicately, but make it clear that you’ve noticed their pattern, so that they don’t feel like their mooching can slip under the radar:

I’ve noticed, lately, that you’ve been having a hard time pitching in when we go out. Is everything OK?

I’m a little worried about you; you seem to be short on cash, even though you just got a job/raise. Did something happen?

We’ve all experienced a moocher— someone who conveniently “forgets” their wallet at home every time you go out to dinner, “loses” anything you loan them, and always manages to get out of their share of a chore. If you want to maintain both the friendship and your sanity, you will have to set firm but clear boundaries to stop the mooching behavior. The key is to anticipate potential situations where the mooching will occur, and address the issue with increasing degrees of confrontation.

Steps to handling a moocher:

Joke around about their “absentmindedness”. For example, if your friend chronically “forgets” her wallet, assume that she will do so the next time you go out to dinner. Before you leave for the restaurant, smile and poke fun: “You sure you’ve got your wallet this time?” If they want to borrow something that probably isn’t going to get returned, you can say something to the effect of “Pretty soon you’re going to have my entire wardrobe!” Maintain a cheery disposition – the moocher should register that you’re on to them, although that’s not always enough to make them stop.

At a restaurant, ask for separate checks when you order. If the moocher tends to not order anything, but then picks incessantly at your dish, cough lightly on your food and say something like “You might not want to eat these nachos…I think I might be getting the flu. Why don’t I order you a separate dish?” When you order, ask for that dish to be on a separate check. If your friends might think that’s poor etiquette, say something like “I’m writing it off as a business expense; I have to have separate receipts in case I screw up and get audited!”

Casually mention on your way out to eat that you only brought enough money to pay for yourself. Or say when you’re planning the outing that everyone will be paying for themselves. Make sure you stick to this when the bill comes!

Get to the root of their financial woes. Sometimes people are genuinely in a pinch, but if you’re reading this, the moocher in question is probably someone who chronically looks for a free ride, and who you suspect is too lazy or cheap to pull their own weight. Every time they’re short on cash, make it a point to bring up his or her money issues in private, shortly afterward. Approach the matter delicately, but make it clear that you’ve noticed their pattern, so that they don’t feel like their mooching can slip under the radar:

I’ve noticed, lately, that you’ve been having a hard time pitching in when we go out. Is everything OK?

I’m a little worried about you; you seem to be short on cash, even though you just got a job/raise. Did something happen

Assign the moocher a fair share in advance. If you’re planning a road trip or dinner party, sketch out who will bring what. Make a list, and ask the mooching friend what he or she will bring. If they lament their financial situation, empathize and ask them to bring one of the less expensive items, or suggest that they cook something (which is always cheaper, but at least it requires effort). Once moochers see their names on a list, it won’t be as easy to skimp. Just make sure that whatever they’re responsible for bringing, they’re the only ones responsible for it, so that if they don’t, it’ll be noticeable to everyone involved.

This will also work for that co-worker or sibling or friend who doesn’t chip in for a community gift (for a parent, boss, etc.) yet still wants to sign his/her name for the card. Make a list!

If you have a mooching roommate, put up a whiteboard outlining chores and costs. Cross off an item whenever someone completes their task or pays their obligation. This will make it obvious that the moocher never crosses anything off.

Mention that it’s the moocher’s turn to treat. This is where it starts to get a little more confrontational. If the moocher turns you down somehow, or seems to blow the question off, you must threaten to cancel the event, and mean it.

Since I drove last time, can you do it this time around? -Oh, you can’t? Well, OK. I’m having second thoughts about going, anyway.

I covered the tab last week, can you cover it this week? -If you can’t, that’s fine. Maybe we should find something else to do. Can you cover a game of pool?

Since last time we had lunch/dinner at my house, do you want to do it at your house this time? -Well, if we can’t pin down a host, we might need to cancel the get-together. I can host once in a while, but not all the time.

Turn the tables. Since there have been plenty of times when you helped them out, test them and see if they’ll return the favor. Mooch off of them. “Forget” your wallet, ask them to loan you money, borrow their clothes, and see what happens. It may feel unnatural for you, but you might really discover your friend’s true colors by doing this. Don’t wait until you’re really in a pinch, only to discover that your friend will leave you high and dry.

Address any mutual friends. If you have mutual friends with the moocher, you may want to speak with them about the moocher’s behavior in as diplomatic a way as possible. It’s best if you can present a united front. For example, say “Joe’s a really cool guy, and he’s a lot of fun to hang out with, but I’ve noticed he really doesn’t pitch in whenever we go out as a group, and I’m worried that it will put a strain on our friendship. It would be great if we could do something about it so we don’t have to have problems.” If you don’t want to (or can’t) drop the friendship, you might need to have some kind of intervention. Financial issues can tear people apart, so don’t let your friend’s mooching habits ruin your relationship.

Tips

Be persistent. It takes time to change a behavior, so you will have to be firm in modifying your response to the moocher.

Be clear that you like the person’s company and personality, but do not like a particular behavior.

If they ask to “borrow” money just say, “I don’t have any money on me.” Or to avoid a possible fib, “I don’t have enough money to loan.” It works. Moochers often ask to “borrow” money only to not pay you back.

Break your friendship. If they are only your friends to take advantage of you, it is probably better that you break your friendships with them.

Watch out for enablers, who are either oblivious to the moocher’s behavior, or actively encourage it. Make sure you handle their behavior diplomatically.

Be Careful These tips may in turn hurt your friend. If you really consider the MOOCHER a friend, you might want to help them out once in a while.

These days, it seems to take longer to raise children to independence. A May 2011 report by the Center for Workforce Development at Rutgers University says that young adults are extending their years in college, earning 10 percent less than people who graduated before 2009 and facing even higher levels of unemployment than the rest of the population. With these conditions in place, many parents extend the years of dependency or offer financial support to help their kids out.

You want your child to do well and succeed in life, and it’s tempting to think you can help them along that road by continuing to support them until they get on their feet. But what happens when that day doesn’t come? When the temporary solution becomes a fixed habit, you’ve got a problem on your hands. Here are some tips and strategies for dealing with mooching adult children.

How to Deal with Mooching Adult Children

Unfortunately, dealing with mooching adult children involves a complex web of emotions that extends throughout your relationships. While you (and possibly the grown kid) could experience a simmering stew of guilt, hope, denial, worry and disappointment, your friends and other relatives feel frustration that the moocher is taking advantage of you. Here are some steps you can take to temper the emotional hurdles and begin to put a stop to the mooching:

  • Examine your own finances. A hard bottom line can help take emotion out of the picture.
  • Understand that emotional support and guidance are as valuable as financial support.
  • Get a team or support group on your side. Either can help you stand firm on ending the mooching.
  • Look at your own behavior. Are you sending the message that you think your child isn’t capable of taking care of him or herself?

You may actually be an unconscious partner in the mooching, enabling your adult child’s dependency. Keep reading to learn how to stop being an enabler.

Talking about money with your children helps foster financial responsibility, according Ameriprise Financial.

Stop Enabling Mooching Adult Children

Successful parenting means raising your kids to be healthy, independent adults. Like it or not, dealing with a mooching adult child means making more hard parenting choices. Like other phases of parenting, you’ll have to adjust your thinking and behavior. Your child won’t be an independent adult until you make him climb down from the parental money tree.

First, figure out what you’re doing that enables the mooching — and stop it. Second, don’t make excuses for your kid’s neediness. Coddling and excuses encourage dependency; they’ll never help your child stand on his own feet financially. Finally, learn to say no. While it may not seem like it at first, making your adult kid pay his own bills and living expenses could be the kindest thing you ever do — for him and for yourself.

Want to Jimmy off your couch and on his own? Follow the steps on the next page to help your mooching adult child become self-sufficient.

The Canadian Broadcasting Corporation reported that there are so many adult children living with their parents, senior citizen advocates refer to the situation as "sons in the basement syndrome."

Help Adult Children Become Self-sufficient

Do you feel guilty about cutting your child off? Don’t. Self-sufficiency is rewarding and highly desirable. Here’s how you can help your grown kid achieve it:

  1. Expect your child to become self-sufficient and communicate that expectation. This will spur each of you to actively work toward the goal.
  2. Help your adult child develop a budget to live within his means, not yours.
  3. Set deadlines. Let your kid know that on X date, you’ll stop paying the bills.
  4. If your child wants to move back in with you — or is currently living with you — make it clear you’ll help for a limited time, such as three months. Stick to it, and periodically remind him of the goal date so it doesn’t sneak up.
  5. Give your child duties and responsibilities while living with you. Your goal is twofold: to help him save money for a fresh start and to make him want to move out.

Getting your mooching child to live independently takes work, but it’s a wonderful feeling for everyone when the grown-up kid in question realizes that he can take care of himself.

Dr Phil My Teen Daughter Faked Two Pregnancies July 9, 2014

18 related questions found

Why do I attract freeloaders?

Why are you only attracting freeloaders? Because you position yourself as an ESL teacher who offers free English teaching materials. And freeloaders are looking for free online English resources. So, you attract freeloaders.

What does freeloader mean?

freeloader Add to list Share. A freeloader is a person who takes things from others without paying for them or giving anything in return. If you eat all of your friend’s Pop-Tarts and play his video games but then refuse to help with his math homework, you’re a freeloader.

How do you spot a moocher?

Smiling at you at a coffee shop. Swirling ice in a drink someone bought them at a bar. Cracking a joke at the dog park. Moochers don’t have to stand at intersections asking for money or hold up a sign telling a hard-luck story.

How do I know if my boyfriend is a mooch?

  1. He’s designed a date payment rotation plan. .
  2. Your fridge is practically his fridge. .
  3. He forgets his cash. .
  4. he asks you to make pitstops. .
  5. Your house becomes a laundromat. .
  6. He uses you for fashion. .
  7. Your friends say he’s a mooch. .
  8. He’s eager to move in.

What's another word for freeloader?

In this page you can discover 11 synonyms, antonyms, idiomatic expressions, and related words for freeloader, like: sponge, moocher, hanger-on, parasite, dependence, leech, bloodsucker, sponger, townies, lowlife and barnacle.

What is the freeloader effect?

Taken together, we propose the discrepancies between subscribers and nonsubscribers are caused by the “freeloader effect,” or, in other words, the number of website users taking advantage of free services. . This may result in an increased number of subscription sales.

How do you deal with leeches?

  1. Recognize that you have a leech on you. .
  2. Find out where it’s actually attached. .
  3. Place a fingernail down next to the oral sucker and slowly push it away. .
  4. Once the leech is detached from your body, get rid of immediately, as it will try to reattach itself.

What does it mean to mooch off someone?

1 to live by relying on someone else’s generosity or hospitality without sharing in the cost or responsibility. he’s always mooching off of his friends, even though he can easily pay his own way.

How do you deal with a mooch friend?

  1. Find Out The Reason Behind It. .
  2. Confront Him/Her About This. .
  3. Remind Him/Her To Carry The Wallet. .
  4. Make Sure You Split The Bill. .
  5. Avoid Paying Every Time You Go Out. .
  6. Ask For Money In Front Of Parents.

How do I remove a family member from my freeloader?

If a lodger in California refuses to leave after 30 days, they can be kicked out without going through a court-ordered eviction process, because after the 30-day mark, they are officially trespassing. At this point, you could call the police.

How do I get rid of a leech boyfriend?

  1. Put on a pretty frock and say: “Let’s go out to dinner!”
  2. Call a taxi. .
  3. After dessert, when the check arrives, tell the leech, er, your boyfriend that you wish him a long and happy life, but if he can’t pay for dinner—just this once—it’s over.

What is a deadbeat boyfriend?

A deadbeat man is a person who avoids or evades his financial or emotional responsibilities. Deadbeat men come from all walks of life and tend to sap the energy and resources of their romantic and sexual partners. Once you are in a relationship with a deadbeat man it can be hard to leave.

How do you know if a guy is a leech?

  • He’s extremely charming.
  • He’s a manipulator.
  • He burns through people really quickly.
  • He starts hanging out with your friends by himself.
  • He uses you in other ways.
  • He’s hesitant about committing.

What is a mooch in America?

US, informal. : one who mooches off others : moocher The last thing he needed was another mooch …

What is an illiterate?

1 : having little or no education especially : unable to read or write an illiterate population. 2 : showing or marked by a lack of acquaintance with the fundamentals of a particular field of knowledge musically illiterate. 3a : violating approved patterns of speaking or writing.

What is the opposite of FreeLoader?

Is the freegiver advantage.

Does the Wii FreeLoader still work?

Freeloader lets users play imported games on the GameCube and, until yesterday, the Wii. Following the update, the Freeloader… she is dead. Yup, now gamers who want to play imported GameCube titles on their Wii will have to get one of those warranty-voiding, sure-to-be-made-illegal-everywhere modchips.

Who is a famous narcissist?

Singer Mariah Carey is said to be one of the most overbearing and narcissistic celebrities of her generation. Narcissistic traits displayed by Carey including treating others as though they are beneath her and/or she owns them.

What does a narcissist want in bed?

Narcissists’ sexual preferences are often very specific. In bed, the narcissist may have very explicit ideas about what their partner should do or even say. They want the narrative to play out in a certain way, and they don’t have patience for changes to the script. This has to do with their lack of empathy.

Are narcissists attracted to Empaths?

Empaths are “emotional sponges,” who can absorb feelings from other people very easily. This makes them them very attractive to narcissists, because they see someone who will fulfill their every need in a selfless way.

Almost everyone will encounter a money moocher at some point. We aren’t talking about a legitimate need that someone has for a little bit of help. A moocher is a friend or relative who asks for financial help on a regular basis or who never brings enough money to cover their expenses when you go out. They may borrow your stuff, and then conveniently forget to return it. Perhaps they show up at mealtime and raid your refrigerator before they leave. A money moocher gets away with mooching because the people they exploit often feel awkward about confronting the behavior. You can learn how to say no to a money moocher.

Tips to shut down a money moocher

Use Humor

Are you procrastinating about confronting a money moocher because you don’t want to look mean and selfish? Your friend or relative likely knows that most people want to help and give to those they love, and they may take advantage of this fact. If direct confrontation makes you feel uncomfortable, consider using humor to bring up the subject. Suppose your friend always forgets to bring his wallet when you go to the movies together. The next time you plan to go to a movie with your friend, laughingly remind him not to forget his wallet this time. If you don’t make a big deal about the mooching, the moocher has less opportunity to become indignant and make you feel bad.

Give Advance Warning

If you spend time with someone who is a chronic money moocher, you should make a point of planning shared activities in advance. For instance, if you are planning to have dinner at a restaurant, before you go to dinner, tell your friend that you only have enough money to cover your own expenses, so you expect her to pay for her own meal and drinks. When you get to the restaurant, ask your server to provide separate checks. If the friend says she can’t afford to pay, cancel your plans.

You can do the same kind thing if you plan on inviting the moocher to a dinner party at your house. Allocate that individual a certain responsibility. For example, ask him to bring the dessert. When you ask them to bring along a certain thing, don’t ask anyone else to provide it, or buy it yourself just in case. Bailing out the money moocher won’t help them learn that you mean business!

Don’t Be Afraid to Ask

If you notice that a friend keeps mooching from you, politely ask her about her financial situation while you are together. Simply tell the moocher you’ve noticed she has been short on cash lately, and ask if everything is alright. Once the moocher is aware that you’ve noticed the behavior, it may be enough to put a stop to it.

Just Say No

Another way of handling a money moocher is to directly refuse the request. Tell him you are sorry, but you don’t have spare cash to accommodate him. Say no to letting him borrow. If you deny the mooching directly, be prepared for any reaction they may have, and stand your ground.

In the end, a money moocher can only continue their behavior if people allow them to continue. If you stop enabling the behavior, the mooching will stop. Remember that you have a right to object to a behavior that is unacceptable or inconvenient for you.

Consumer Education Services, Inc. (CESI) is a non-profit committed to empowering and inspiring consumers nationwide to make wise financial decisions and live debt free. Speak with a certified counselor for a free debt analysis today

We all have that friend who asks for a bite and finishes your frankie, or who is always ready for a beer but is never ready to pay. This specimen, driven only by fulfilment of selfish needs, goes by the name of The Moocher.

T he Greek philosopher Aristotle once said something that most people found terribly profound, “ Man is by nature a social animal; an individual who is unsocial naturally and not accidentally is either beneath our notice or more than human. ” After several hours of pondering over this profundity, I was explained that what he was saying was that friendships are an innate part of being human.

Personally, I found that not very profound. Yeah, friends are pretty cool. Most of them that is. Aristotle may not have considered one social connection that humankind can pretty much do without: The moocher.

We all know a moocher. A moocher is a specimen of the human race, driven only by fulfillment of his voracious selfish needs and trapping innocent people. This specimen goes by many names like freeloader, bum, or Abhishek Bachchan , but none suits them better than “ The Moocher ”.

Mooching is the art of obtaining an object from a person without actually paying for it. It could be food, drinks, spare change, cigarettes , or anything else. Remember the moocher’s self-respect is never too low to ask for a freebie. The moocher is that friend who asks for a bite and finishes your frankie, or the friend who is always ready for a beer, but is never ready to pay. Anyone who’s ever watched Two and a Half Men will know television’s most infamous moocher, Alan, who lives off his brother Charlie while simultaneously mastering the art of losing his wallet at the right time.

After all, sneaking up on you is key to the moocher’s modus operandi. You have to be constantly on your guard, like a dog owner eating sausages for breakfast.

Alan made me realise that I had befriended a moocher back in college without even realising it. Moochers might come across as nice people, but in the real world they’re a bag of excuses ready to shirk off bills or favours, especially for their friends. Most of us probably haven’t identified the moocher around us yet. After all, sneaking up on you is key to the moocher’s modus operandi. You have to be constantly on your guard, like a dog owner eating sausages for breakfast. Initially, the college moocher seemed like a decent enough guy – sociable, fun, and up for anything – but that was Dr Jekyll. We were about to meet Mr Hyde.

He started small by bumming smokes , borrowing cash, and then went on to living large on the communal expense. He developed relationships based on the sole purpose of getting something in return, and his favourite prey were gullible beings who were all too willing to offer help to a fellow in need. It took about a thousand variations of “Guys, I can’t find my wallet!” before my friends and I had enough of the moocher and kicked him to the curb. By then, he had spent months coasting on an endless supply of our snacks, smokes, and ten-rupee notes.

Our losses were catastrophic, but that needn’t be your tragic story. Every moocher can be identified easily. Go out for a nice dinner and drinks before putting him face-to-face with his greatest fear – an evenly split bill. It has the effect of the cross on a ghost. Our moocher was exorcised faster than Emily Rose. I can sum up my experience in a handy little rhyme: Once you go moocher-free, you don’t give them a re-entry.

Today, I protect myself from moochers by buying just one smoke at a time, and keeping my headphones plugged in the moment I get the faintest tingling that someone is about to ask me for a favour yet again. If you need a helping hand, I’m really sorry, mine are tied. I’m done with moochers for good. Except when I watch reruns of Two and a Half Men .

Nihal likes to believe that darkness is more beautiful than frightening. He likes to be called Bambi, a nickname, his friends gave him.

How to deal with a mooching friend

People in healthy relationships expect to receive and return favors in roughly equal amounts. However, a moocher habitually takes more than he gives. You might start feeling used if you’re constantly going out of your way to accommodate or provide for this person, without being appreciated or repaid. Feeling that someone is taking advantage of you can lead to resentment, which can damage your relationship, so pay attention to the signs before it’s too late.

Convinces You to Pay

A moocher asks you to cover her part of the bill, not just once, but multiple times. She always has an excuse, whether she forgot her wallet at home or she promises to pay you back when she gets her next paycheck. You may especially find yourself in this situation if you make more money than she does, noted Jeanne Fleming, author of “Isn’t It Their Turn to Pick Up the Check?” in an interview on National Public Radio. A moocher will take advantage of the wage gap, even if she is capable of covering her own expenses, because she assumes that her unpaid loans cause you no inconvenience. Before lending a suspected moocher money, ask yourself whether she truly needs it, suggests Fleming.

What’s Yours Is His

Moochers make themselves welcome to your things, with or without your permission. You will find a moocher helping himself to the food in your fridge or borrowing your office supplies without asking you first. He has no sense of boundaries and acts entitled to your property, according to therapist Deborah Mecklinger, in her article, “Lighten Your Load: Strategies For Dealing With Freeloading Friends and Family.” Set limits and be clear about what is not acceptable when it comes to your belongings.

Relies on Expected Favors

Some moochers take advantage of your kindness and eventually expect you to do whatever they ask. She may word her requests as if you have no choice but to grant them. For example, “Can you babysit my kids? I already told them to go to your house straight from school. Just order pizza for dinner.” Once you have done the initial favor, she may start to assume that you will be willing and available for all future requests. What started out as one generous ride home may turn into a daily routine.

Doesn’t Reciprocate

Be wary of a friend, family member or partner who asks for a lot but never reciprocates. A moocher does not return the same amount of time, energy or money he has drained from you. He only comes to you when he needs something and is not available when you ask for similar favors. When you realize that the relationship is one-sided, it is time to stand up for yourself. Say no when his requests are inconvenient for you and repeat your refusal if he continues to ask.

Unload the Freeloader: How to Stop Someone From MoochingSet Boundaries. Before you can set boundaries, you will need to figure out what you are comfortable with and what you will not tolerate. Have The Talk Explain yourself or don’t. Share The Load. Toss The Guilt. Be Proactive and Firm.

How can you tell if someone is a freeloader?

Here are 12 signs he’s a freeloader.He tells you he’s struggling. He asks you to pick up the bill. Sponsored: The best dating/relationships advice on the web. He still lives with his parents. He talks about moving in with you. He always forgets his wallet. He doesn’t have a job. He gives you a sob story about his rent.

How do you deal with freeloading friends?

Picking Out the FreeloadersHe or she repeatedly comes back for money. He or she buys luxuries instead of necessities. He or she acts like a victim. Set clear boundaries on help. Don’t go into debt helping others. Give non-financial help. Help with a financial plan.

Who is a freeloader person?

A freeloader is a person who takes things from others without paying for them or giving anything in return. If you eat all of your friend’s Pop-Tarts and play his video games but then refuse to help with his math homework, you’re a freeloader.

How do you spot a moocher?

9 Red Flags of a Moocher Smiling at you at a coffee shop. Swirling ice in a drink someone bought them at a bar. Cracking a joke at the dog park. Moochers don’t have to stand at intersections asking for money or hold up a sign telling a hard-luck story.

What does Mooch mean?

To mooch is to take advantage of other people’s generosity without giving anything in return. If you constantly mooch rides from your friend, she’s going to get tired of agreeing to drive you around.

What’s another word for freeloader?

In this page you can discover 11 synonyms, antonyms, idiomatic expressions, and related words for freeloader, like: moocher, bloodsucker, leech, parasite, sponge, hanger-on, dependence, townies, sponger, lowlife and barnacle.

How do you deal with a friend who is a moocher?

So, here are the tips for dealing with moochers and users.Have and communicate strong boundaries with those you give to. It’s okay to say no. If you want to know who your real friends are, tell them NO once in awhile and see how they react. Keep track of people’s reciprocity and keep balanced accounts.

How do you say no to freeloaders?

A freeloader repeatedly takes advantage of someone else’s generosity with no intention of repaying it.Trust your instincts around freeloaders.Know your boundaries and be clear around freeloaders.Don’t give an inch when someone is trying to take advantage.Set terms upfront.Learn to say no.

What is a deadbeat friend?

A deadbeat is someone who owes money or has other financial obligations and doesn’t meet them. Deadbeats don’t pay their bills. This is an insult that is very specific: deadbeats don’t pay what they owe.

How do I get a moocher out of my house?

There are plenty of ways to send a moocher on his way without being rude or overbearing.Explain the situation. Sometimes, all it takes is a few honest words to make a moocher realize the predicament she has put you in. Enable him to succeed. Come up with a date. Avoid the same mistake.

Can a house guest refuses to leave?

A guest who won’t leave is technically a trespasser — unless, that is, the police think he’s a tenant. This situation can quickly become complicated. Houseguests who have overstayed their welcomes are technically trespassing, which is a crime. However, getting rid of a trespassing houseguest can be challenging.

How do you ask someone to leave your house nicely?

Use humor and be lighthearted about the matter. Keep the focus on you and your need to have an empty house. Don’t say anything that puts the focus on your guest, such as, “You need to leave.” Instead, say something like, “Sorry, folks, this was fun but I’m going to have to kick you out now.”

Can I kick out my girlfriend?

You need to give her a notice to vacate. At this point she is legally a month-to-month tenant. Kicking her out like that would be an illegal eviction, she could take you to court. You have to give her the legally required 30 15 day notice-to-vacate, and wait those 30 days before you can demand she leave.

Can my boyfriend just kick me out?

In the U.S., if your name is on the lease, your boyfriend can’t just kick you out. If you’re not on the lease, however, he can. Same applies if you are not renting, but a mortgage is involved. If he is buying or has bought a house and you are not on the deed, then yes, he can kick you out.

Can you kick someone out if they get mail?

Unless they are a legitimate resident of the house, usually determined if they receive mail or are on the lease, they can be removed from your property as a “trespasser.” Obviously, involving the police is for the most extreme cases, and even the mentioning of 911 is often enough to finally get someone out the door.

Can you evict a live in boyfriend?

Evicting a Tenant If your boyfriend is a tenant named on the lease, you cannot evict him. Only your landlord can do this, and he must have grounds to do so, such as nonpayment of rent. The landlord must then wait for a number of days before beginning the eviction process.

Can I make my girlfriend move out of my house?

If she does not have the legal right to remain in the home, consider giving her a written request to leave. This can be done by you or your landlord. The request should give a moving deadline. If she does have rights to stay (e.g. she is on the lease), you might still consider giving her a written request to leave.

Can I lock my girlfriend out of my house?

If your girlfriend has never made any payments towards the mortgage or bills and you don’t have a written agreement allowing her to live there, then she doesn’t have any legal rights to stay if you (as the owner) want her to leave. Once any notice period has ended, you are within your rights to change the locks.