How to deal with a partner who thinks you are always wrong

Everyone knows that sometimes marriages just go wrong. It’s nobody’s fault sometimes; two people just don’t mesh the way they once did, or things happen that make life difficult over time. Some ex-couples even stay friends.

Unfortunately, that’s not always the case.

About half the time, divorce comes about because someone is really, really pissed. And the general reason for that? Manipulation of some kind.

If you’re reading this, there’s at least a small chance that you clicked because you’re worried you’re being manipulated in some way. After years in the business of divorce, I have some experience in knowing what spousal manipulation looks like–and also how to deal with it. Basically, it boils down to some pretty obvious signs.

You consistently are made to feel guilty, whether you did anything wrong or not.
Everybody’s wrong sometimes, and everybody cries sometimes (so says R.E.M.). But if you’re in the wrong 100% of the time for years, and your spouse won’t or can’t take responsibility for any wrongdoing, chances are they’re full of it. It takes two, people.

Passive aggressiveness.
You know that thing people do where they say something nice, or helpful, but it makes you feel horrendous? It’s the classic move: pretend to be being helpful while actually being critical, in order to avoid direct confrontation–then deny you meant anything by it, and the other person is clearly overreacting. It’s a cheap way to get an unfair advantage, and it’s highly manipulative.

Gaslighting.
A close cousin of passive aggressiveness, gaslighting is when someone makes you feel crazy. You have an issue with their behavior? You must be crazy. You think they’re making bad choices? You’re clearly crazy. This is most damaging when it goes beyond just saying you’re crazy, to actually acting concerned about it. The secret weapon here: playing on your insecurities. Don’t buy it.

You often feel small.
Feel like your needs don’t matter? If your spouse routinely dismisses what you want or need, minimizes your concerns, and/or calls you “ridiculous,” you’re probably being manipulated.

They isolate you.
One of the more dangerous kinds of manipulation is when, usually in multiple ways, a partner or spouse methodically isolates you from other people. This can come in direct or indirect ways–for example, by demanding you stay away from your friends, or by pretending to be sick every time you want to go out–and is usually a control issue.

They twist your words.
Feel like your spouse is a master at twisting your words into something ugly when they weren’t intended that way? Standard tactic.

They have a pattern of forming relationships with vulnerable people.
Manipulative people like being in relationships where the power dynamic is skewed in their favor. Have you noticed that your spouse’s other relationships are skewed this way? An example is someone who can only have who are significantly less attractive than they are, or someone whose friends are all significantly younger/less experienced/less worldly. The key is that they have to have the advantage in every relationship.

They lie.
If you’ve consistently caught your partner in lies, particularly damaging lies, you can bet there are plenty of lies that you haven’t found out about. Big red flag.

They are distant or emotionally unavailable a lot of the time.
Everyone needs space sometimes, but if you feel like you are being pushed away for weeks or even months at a time, and your partner is unwilling to explain why, it can become a very destructive relationship for you. While there are sometimes extenuating circumstances, like depression, this is still something that needs addressing.

They “punish” you.
If you feel like you get punished when you confront your spouse or disagree with them, that’s not good. Even in the case of real wrongdoing in a marriage, there’s very little point in “punishing” your spouse. Either you deal with the issue, forgive and move on, or you choose not to forgive and move out–but what you shouldn’t do is remain in the relationship while lording the wrongdoing over the partner as a form of power. It’s understandable in some cases, I admit, but ultimately it’s not constructive, and only further damages the relationship.

I do want to say that sometimes these things pop up in even quite happy relationships, and it doesn’t necessarily spell the end. It’s important to be able to have an open conversation about what’s going on: for at least one of you to have the courage to bring it up, and for both of you to talk about what’s going on and why that might be.

Of course, if you’re reading this post you’ve probably been there, done that, and it hasn’t worked–or else you can’t even communicate with your partner about it, because they won’t have it.

At that stage, therapy is an option, and it can help. However, both people have to be committed to improving the relationship, so you’re going to have to prepare for conversation in that case, too.

The final option when you’ve exhausted all others is to muster up the nerve to leave. While difficult, I see people do it every day, and have happier lives afterward; so while it’s perhaps the most difficult option in the short run, in the long run it may be the best decision for you.

Have something to ask, add, or a pithy story to tell? I’m all ears. Leave it in comments below, comment on Facebook, or tweet to me!

How to deal with a partner who thinks you are always wrong

How to Deal with a Spouse Who is ALWAYS Right

Few things are more frustrating than having a conversation with someone who thinks they’re always right—especially because that means that they also think you’re always wrong. But it’s even worse when it’s your spouse who thinks they’re always right. No matter how much you try to get them to see your point of view, nothing changes. But you have more choices than to continue putting up with it or heading for divorce court. Here are some strategies to try first.

Seek Marriage Counseling

Seeing a marriage counselor gives you a second opinion from an impartial third party. This will be helpful because many people with spouses who are perpetually right begin to distrust their own perceptions. It’s crucial to understand it’s simply not possible for you to always be wrong. In a safe, therapeutic environment, you may be reassured by the opinion of a trained, outside observer that you’re not always wrong.

Your spouse may also get the message that they aren’t always right, though it may take time for them to listen to and acknowledge that fact. While you can’t change your spouse’s beliefs, you can learn how to deal with their behavior. An experienced, local marriage counselor in Houston can help you learn effective coping techniques.

Decide Not to Engage Your Partner’s Ego

You don’t want to argue with someone who is always right!

Understand, when you have a spouse who insists that they are always correct, legitimate, or reasonable, they’re setting you up for debate. After all, the goal is to demonstrate that you are wrong in contrast to their opinions or actions, not that your position is another valid perspective. In fact, they may lack the skill to consider perspectives other than their own or simply have a high need to be in control. The good news? You don’t have to play along.

Be inquisitive, open to discussion, and politely receptive to your partner’s point of view. But remain self-aware. Do you feel inadequate or voiceless? Check in with yourself often when you interact with your spouse. The truth is, even if you’re 100 percent certain that your answer is correct, your spouse isn’t likely to admit that you’re actually right or even have a good point. Why?

Because his or her desire to be “always right” is about their own ego, not about proving objective facts. It’s a way of protecting their own insecurity and self-doubt. It’s a losing battle to engage in a debate.

Maintain Your Calm

Recognize that you can choose to breathe and maintain your own sense of calm when your partner insists they have all the answers. Most of all, keep in mind that you are always in control of your own reaction. You can decide to respond without reacting emotionally, or shutting down, or getting into another argument.

Weigh your options for disengagement. Verbally exit the conversation or physically remove yourself if things escalate. You may even want to let your partner know that communication has reached a point that you feel an objective party will need to help you disrupt this unproductive pattern going forward.

What is your relationship attachment style? Take this quiz and find out.

Set Boundaries to Signal the Required Respect & Honor Your Connection

Is your partner trying to control you? Maybe. Or maybe their behavior has nothing to do with you at all (most likely it has to do with deeply ingrained patterns they have developed to protect their ego). Work with a couples counselor can help you dig deeper into the dynamics between you.

Revisit the conversation after some time has passed and you have both cooled off. Draw your partner’s attention to the interaction and firmly refuse to accept such treatment. This isn’t a power grab or an opportunity to argue your point. Be careful of engaging in a blame game of your own. Your goal is to simply preserve your own integrity, share your feelings – how their behavior impacts you – ask for what you need instead, and prioritize your relationship. Be respectful in how you communicate and model the behavior you are seeking. Learn more about relationship boundaries.

How to deal with a partner who thinks you are always wrongLet your partner know you love them and are willing to engage in a caring and compassionate way. If your partner then changes course and communicates respectfully, feel free to continue the conversation with the intention of mutual sharing and understanding.

If not, it’s perfectly okay to let your spouse know that the conversation can only resume when you can both be heard. Likely, they will continue to impose their opinion upon you, since most people with this issue don’t like it when they lose the upper hand. You are well within your rights to stand your ground and agree to disagree. You don’t have to defend yourself, continue to prove your partner wrong, dishonestly agree, or yield to their control.

In fact, simply taking a break once conversations become one-sided or argumentative can prevent further relationship damage. By setting boundaries, your spouse will eventually figure out that their behavior isn’t getting the desired results. When that point is clear, you may be able to begin constructing new communication ground rules.

Determine If You’re Dealing with a Narcissist

Again, marriage counseling is useful in helping you to deal with your spouse. You may also be able to determine if your spouse is a narcissist. Narcissists are incapable of seeing situations from another person’s perspective and need the admiration of others. For this reason, they may doggedly pursue acknowledgment that they are “right” in every situation. It is more difficult to convince true narcissists of the need to change their behavior. The support of a therapist or counselor is very helpful in this situation.

Next Steps…

To start, you may want to consider individual therapy on your own, possibly without your spouse. You can then work on any self-esteem issues that may be keeping you stuck in unhealthy interactions. Then, you can determine how to proceed. Therapy can help you learn how to change behaviors that keep you trapped in a vicious cycle—or determine whether the relationship is too toxic to be saved. If you have been feeling defeated, lacking confidence, or not trusting your own voice or opinions it’s likely that you could benefit from individual therapy before seeking couples counseling. You need to build yourself up again, trust your instincts and feel worthy so you can have the difficult conversations that need to be had with your spouse.

Marriage should make both people feel respected and valued. For more information about how to address marital concerns and the benefits of marriage counseling, click here.

If you decide marriage counseling is for one or both of you please click here to book an appointment online, or give us a call at 832-559-2622 . We can help you find the relationship counselor that best fits your needs.

  1. How to Stop My Husband From Making Everything My Fault
  2. Effective Communication for Resolving Conflict Successfully
  3. How to Deal With Someone Who Is Easily Hurt
  4. Five Benefits of Attentive Listening
  5. How to Cope with Competitive People

How to deal with a partner who thinks you are always wrong

Attempting to have a fair conversation with someone who thinks he’s never wrong can be a source of frustration. Although being confident in your beliefs is usually a positive attribute, everyone knows a person who finds it virtually impossible to admit that they’ve done or said something wrong. As a result, you’re left wondering if a discussion is even worth the effort, since the person who just has to be right puts negotiation and honesty to the side. If you have no choice but to interact with that person regularly, consider taking a strategic approach to communication.

Express Your Feelings

Explaining how a person’s “never wrong” attitude affects you can be a good first step in pointing out why it’s a problem. Express your feelings by using personal pronouns, such as stating, “I feel frustrated.” Honest expression of your feelings can level the playing field with the person who thinks he’s never wrong. It also helps create an environment where you take the first step in disclosing your feelings as well as your challenges. Whether this will be an enlightening moment for the person who thinks he’s never wrong is something only known to that person. Ideally, explains the North Carolina Cooperative Extension, your relationship will grow stronger.

Active Listening

Active listening is a technique frequently used in counseling to encourage change to occur. You can listen actively by listening without judgment, no matter how much you feel compelled to challenge the person who thinks he’s never wrong. Clarify what the person says, in your own words to ascertain that you’ve received the information accurately. Listen for unstated meaning that lets you know why the person feels compelled to defend a side or belief that is clearly in contradiction to what you see or hear. Monitor the feelings expressed by the person, even as he affirms that he believes he is in the right.

Problem Solving

Dealing with a person who is never wrong usually causes problems due to interpersonal conflicts. You can initiate conflict resolution by clarifying the problem without also resorting to blame. Once you have explained how the person’s behavior affects you, work with them to negotiate solutions together. The best solutions, explains the University of Oregon in their online publication “Managing Conflict,” focus on the needs of the other person. This translates into considering a win-win solution that allows both of you to compromise.

Disconnecting

If all your efforts fail in dealing with the person who always has to be right, your sanity might be better preserved by disconnecting from him. Disconnect by refusing to answer phone calls, texts or emails or by avoiding unnecessary conversations with him. Remain civil, but stick to the topic at hand in unavoidable conversations. Be polite and don’t engage in conversations that have escalated in the past to arguments about who is right. Reach out to social supports for encouragement and security in disengaging.

How to deal with a partner who thinks you are always wrong

Cheating is one of the hardest things to move pas in a relationship, but even fear or suspicion of cheating can be really destructive. If your partner thinks you’re cheating — even if you’re not— they may not address it in the most constructive or mature of ways. If this is the case, try not to get too defensive, even if you’ve done nothing wrong. Remember, they may be panicking — because the cost of cheating is so high.

“Cheating and it’s consequences are one of the most devastating moments in a relationship,” relationship coach and psychic medium Melinda Carver tells Bustle. “It turns your whole world upside-down. you begin to look at everything in your relationship as a lie, and your self-esteem plummets.”

So even if it’s not true, you need to understand that your partner is probably in a very emotional place and remember that as you try to address the problem. Be compassionate and understanding — and then you have to do your best to get to the bottom of the issue. You may have inadvertently been giving off some strange signals or have been distracted, your partner may just be going through a difficult time, or maybe there are some massive trust issues you need to work out.

Here’s how you get to the bottom of it:

Know The Signs To Work Out What They’re Worried About

Even if you’re not cheating you may have accidentally given off signs that your partner could misinterpret, because of other things going on in your life. So knowing the signs of cheating and what may be being misread is helpful.

“The all-of-a-sudden change in behavior is one sign,” relationship coach and psychic medium Melinda Carver tells Bustle. “Most men and women get comfortable in a long-term relationship. They may let themselves go physically or never change their style.” So if there’s a big life change recently, explain to your partner why that is and that it’s not about cheating.

The other big one? That damn phone. Have you been glued to it recently? “One clue is that their cell phone will be glued to their hands and their text and call history will always be clean,” relationship coach Chris Armstrong tells Bustle. “Same with erasing the cookies (web browsing history) from their computer.”

Whenever anyone is shady with their phone it can make you feel insecure. If you’ve been more private than whatever is normal for you, you have to realize how that might be read and explain what’s going on.

Ask Them If They Really Believe That You’re Cheating

Once you deal with the behavioral issues, it’s time to get to the root of the problem. Are they just feeling insecure and irrational or do they really think you’re cheating? It can happen to the best of us.

I have certainly felt things emotionally that I knew, logically, weren’t true. So you need to find out if your partner thinks you are actually cheating or if they’re having illogical fears because of other issues. Maybe something is going on in their life or in your relationship that’s making them feel neglected or angry. Once you work out what’s actually going on with them, mentally and emotionally, you can tackle the root cause — whether they’re feeling dissatisfied or there’s a real lack of trust.

Know That It Could Be Projection

The other option? Well, lots of us know someone who struggles with being defensive and projects their own bad behavior onto you. “If your partner all of a sudden becomes overly protective and jealous out of nowhere, chances are they are projecting,” life coach Kali Rogers tells Bustle. “If they can violate the trust between you two, then it’s only natural for them to assume you could as well.”

It’s a really clumsy way of trying to pass responsibility or distract from what’s really going on. So if it seems totally irrational, really aggressive, or goes along with some irrational or shady behavior on their part, you need to accept that they may be trying to cover the tracks.

Whenever there’s paranoia or suspicion, there’s usually a reason. Maybe you have been shady or inattentive, maybe your partner is struggling with something and you didn’t realize or maybe they’re trying to cover something up. The most important thing is that you don’t panic — get to the root of the issue and then handle it from there.

This article was co-authored by Jacqueline Hellyer. Jacqueline Hellyer is a Licensed Psychosexual Therapist and the Founder of The Love Life Blog and The LoveLife Clinic. With over 20 years of experience, Jacqueline specializes in sex advice, sex tips, and relationship advice. In addition to being an accredited Psychosexual Therapist with the Society of Australian Sexologists (SAS), Jacqueline is also a Professional Certified Coach with the International Coach Federation (ICF). Jacqueline holds a BSc in Biochemistry and Human Sciences from The Australian National University, a Graduate Diploma in Applied Science from the University of Canberra, a BA in Languages and Literature from the University of New England (AU), an MSc in Sexual Health from The University of Sydney, and an MSc in Consciousness, Spirituality & Transpersonal Psychology from The Alef Trust. Her work and expertise have been featured in Australian Men’s Health, Cosmopolitan, Australian Women’s Health, Marie Claire, and 60 Minutes.

There are 8 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.

wikiHow marks an article as reader-approved once it receives enough positive feedback. In this case, several readers have written to tell us that this article was helpful to them, earning it our reader-approved status.

This article has been viewed 624,510 times.

Arguing with someone who thinks they are always right can be frustrating. It’s best to think about what you want out of the argument before you jump into the conversation. Also, find ways to help them see your side by redirecting the conversation, and take steps to keep the situation as calm as possible.

How can you deal with a spouse who thinks he is always right?

Marriage involves great pain, and some joy, Mostly pain after the long term. Compromises must be made on a daily basis. Has it always been this way or I’m just starting to notice? One of my biggest struggles is always being wrong. On any issue. Even small insignificant things;This is getting ridiculous. Is it mostly men that must always be right or do men have this problem too?

How to deal with a partner who thinks you are always wrong

Have you really talked to him about it? Try sitting him down and asking him. Use tact and don’t blame or make inflammatory remarks. Keep things neutral and see if he can make some changes. It won’t happen overnight, but if he loves you, he will make some changes.
Some guys feel the need to be right and in-charge. I can’t speculate too much, but if you talk to him then you might find out something interesting.
Marriage counseling may be a great way to help since a counselor will be a mediator to promote healthy communication

you should really express your concerns to him, or, if your like me, prove them wrong then glout about it, lol, but, i did used to have the same problem with my ex, she always had to be right and i had to follow and to as i was told

the main problem lies with the people. if any one knows any one is wrong but do not say to him that he is wrong because he do not want to spoil his relation.it is with every one. so any one can not understand that he is wrong.

Definitely talk to him about it — and if you’re wrong about that too, then there could be a serious issue. My ex was like that, he’d get offended if I offered advice or an opinion on even the most basic things. He felt that my offering help when he was obviously struggling was an attempt to make him feel stupid, and my opinions were always inferior to his even if he didn’t know the subject and I did. Here are a few checks that I tried to apply whenever he got mad at me to try to determine whether I was inadvertently at fault or if he was just being unreasonable:

If none of this applies, then you may be more on the track for this one:

You don’t have to agree with him, just tell him he is right and go on with what you were doing. I love my husband and he thinks he’s always right, I know better, but I just say Yes Dear, you were right, I feel so silly for not listening to you, then go on my way and generally do what I was going to do in the first place.
This is not to say that he is always wrong either.. You have to weigh the situation and do what you think is right.. And if, when all is said and done he was right, it doesn’t hurt to tell him so. Makes him feel important..

Alas, it sounds like you are discovering another side to being in a long term relationship with someone who might be a wee bit selfish. I found myself in a relationship like that a long time back. I was unhappy with my mate so I began to agree with everything he suggested – just to prove what a tool he was – and he noticed immediately noticed, and was embarrassed by the sheer change of the dynamic in our relationship. Needless to say, I dumped him afterwards. But some people can be reasoned with. And the one’s that will change for you are worth keeping.

Just don’t adopt their bad habits either.

logical and polite conversation tell us who is right. but any one divert the things in other way to prove that he is right. other one is right but can not get the support of others.so both think as are right but who will tell them who is right.

How sad. I hope things are better for you. Unfortunaltly I’m a firm believer in that we teach people how to treat us.

I have told my girls from the time they were first married. Don’t put up with now what your not willing to put up with the rest of your life.

Don’t let someone mistreat you just to avoid an argument it will come back and haunt you and be harder to deal with if it’s been accepted before.

It’s your life please don’t squander it being “the good wife”

Related Discussions

How to deal with a partner who thinks you are always wrong

How do you deal with people who insist they are always right?

by Stacie L 5 years ago

How do you deal with people who insist they are always right?Some people talk about others faults and how they are always right. They don’t consider the fact that they may be wrong or not tolerant of other opinions. How do you deal with those who are always right in their own minds?

How to deal with a partner who thinks you are always wrong

Why do women always think that there right and a mans wrong?

by Gizmo Prodigy Publishing 5 years ago

Its very stuck up when a lot of women put this image on a man thats hes always wrong and shes right.

How to deal with a partner who thinks you are always wrong

How do you deal with annoying in-laws?

by JP Carlos 7 years ago

How do you deal with annoying in-laws?Not everyone has positive relationships with the in-laws. If you’re one of the unlucky ones, how do you deal with them?

How to deal with a partner who thinks you are always wrong

Does your spouse have the right to look through your email or is that private?

by Kotti KaDotti 6 years ago

Does your spouse have the right to look through your email or is that private?

How to deal with a partner who thinks you are always wrong

Do you think the customer is always right?

by Linda Bilyeu 8 years ago

Do you think the customer is always right?

How to deal with a partner who thinks you are always wrong

How do you deal with ungrateful family members who tear down your partner to oth

by Rosa Marchisella 9 years ago

How do you deal with ungrateful family members who tear down your partner to others?Your parent calls and needs help (again). Your spouse drops everything and goes to their aid (again); genuinely happy to be helping – Every time . Months later, you discover from other people that – even.

  • About Us
  • Copyright
  • Terms of Use
  • Privacy Policy
  • Advertising

Arts and Design

Autos

Books, Literature, and Writing

Business and Employment

Education and Science

Entertainment and Media

Family and Parenting

Fashion and Beauty

Food and Cooking

Games, Toys, and Hobbies

Gender and Relationships

Health

Holidays and Celebrations

Home and Garden

HubPages Tutorials and Community

Personal Finance

Pets and Animals

Politics and Social Issues

Religion and Philosophy

Sports and Recreation

Technology

Travel and Places

  • Blog
  • Help

About Us

  • Editorial Policy
  • Copyright
  • Terms of Use
  • Privacy Policy
  • Advertising

How to deal with a partner who thinks you are always wrong

7 Helpful Ways to Deal With a Defensive Partner

  • Post category:Healthy Relationships / Help for Relationship Trouble
  • Post author:Kristin Rosenthal, LPC

Does your partner get defensive? When you try to discuss something, do you think:

“I can’t talk to him without him getting mad”

“Why is my wife so defensive?”

“My husband gets defensive when I tell him how I feel”

When you’re in a relationship, you have an extra powerful influence on each other’s emotional life. One look from you partner can send a jolt through your nervous system like nobody else can.

Intimacy gives you extra power to trigger of triggering highly charged defenses. You can also spark a deep sense of security too.

Why You Need to Address Defensive Behavior

When a problem persists, and couples can’t fix it, conditions are ripe for a toxic pattern you’ll want to avoid. Defensiveness is part of a sequence that get couples into trouble.

Defensive behavior is the second step of the four horsemen of the apocalypse for relationships according to relationship expert Dr. John Gottman. Unless you fix them, these negative cycles have a track record of driving couples apart:

  • Criticism – blaming the whole person; faulting your partner’s character
  • Defensiveness – refusing to be accountable; turning the tables and faulting your partner
  • Contempt – calling names, being sarcastic, mocking, using put-downs
  • Stonewalling – disengaging, shutting down, withdrawing, retreating, ignoring

Defenses naturally go up in reaction to criticism. So, if it looks like your partner is defensive, it may be that he or she is feeling attacked.

Dealing with defensiveness means both partners look at their role in the conflict. How do you seem to each other?

A curious attitude can help you turn a corner and come together to resolve problems. Think about saying how you feel without criticizing, blaming or faulting each other, for example.

7 Tips To Deal With a Defensive Partner

A defensive reaction is natural when we feel threatened. This happens to every couple that fights. But some couples rise above these patterns. Here are tips from successful couples who work things through:

  1. First, release tension in your body. We pick up visual cues about each other often before anyone speaks. Send safe signals before you start talking. Slow your breathing down. Soften your muscles.
  2. Find somewhere you can talk facing each other. Our eyes are very powerful in regulating each other’s nervous systems. Choose a place where you can sit face to face. Look kindly at your partner. Offer gentle eye contact.
  3. Start by speaking gently with each other. Stay calm and use a soft voice if you possibly can. You want your partner to feel safe speaking with you. If you want him or her to be receptive, open with something positive and non-threatening such as:

I know you don’t mean to hurt me but something is bothering me. I want to tell you about it so we can put it behind us.

  1. Declare friendly intentions. Be clear you are offering kindness, concern, and friendship. Place no blame. Phrases like these may help:

“I am wondering what’s happening right now between us.”

“I want to work this out so we both feel happy here.”

5. Stop when anger has triggered either person’s self-defense system. You can’t reason with anyone who is flooded with emotion. This flashpoint can be more intense for men than for women. Some men can become emotionally triggered very suddenly. In general, men are biologically wired to become fight-ready almost instantly in response to danger.

Look for signs when one or both of you is no longer thinking, and may be in the “red zone.” This is the time to take a break. These phrases might help:

“We are starting to lose it. Let’s take a break.”

“I don’t want to yell at you. Let’s talk when I’m calmer.”

“I get the feeling we’re not listening to each other right now.”

  1. Try to understand what sets off a defensive reaction. You may feel defensiveness or stonewalling begin when either of you have a strong reaction. See if you can invite curiosity or offer understanding:

“You look mad when I said that. I didn’t mean to make you mad – what happened?”

“I need to know what’s happening here, please talk to me.”

“I’m listening; can you tell me what’s wrong?”

“I think you have been feeling attacked. Can you tell me about that?”

  1. If you’re triggered, wait least 20 minutes. It’s important to allow your body to become calm again. How long? It takes at least 20 minutes for your nervous system to feel calm again. You want your mind and heart working together instead of being at odds.

“This is getting intense. We need to stop for a bit.”

Want more phrases? Here is a wonderful cheat sheet of phrases to calm down defensiveness and repair hurts from Dr. Gottman’s research.

Signs It’s Time For a Good Therapist

It is not easy to break deep habits by force of will. It takes time for new patterns to form. If you try your best for a while, and you still can’t talk without fighting, working with a good therapist can help.

Note: These tips are to help couples talk through rough spots. Violence is another matter. If talking with your partner leads to physical harm, these tips will not help. Please reach out to a mental health professional, a trusted friend, a resource at work, or the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.

A skilled couples therapist creates a safe space for both of you to gently look at the hurt behind the walls and defenses. You and your partner create new connections for healing that continue after your work in therapy is done.

It’s amazing how love and healing can blossom when partners become a soothing presence to each other. Friendship and understanding have great calming power. They are tremendously healing.

No partner is perfect. Caring more about the relationship than winning an argument is the key to healing a defensive pattern between you, and giving your love new life.

Bring More Balance, Joy and Love Into your Life

Join thousands of readers who come for articles like this each month.

Search Forums (Advanced)
Page 1 of 10 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 > Last »

Anybody married to someone who is never wrong (in their mind).

My wife is someone who thinks she is never wrong. Everything gets twisted back to me. So I am to the point where I don’t even bring anything up anymore.

It is not my nature to argue. and not a very good arguer anyway. So it just builds up, and that isn’t healthy.

If you are in this situation, how the heck do you handle someone like this. Issues need to be discussed, not twisted.

I am not married to someone this way but I have a friend who was and she found going to Amaga therapy halped her marriage tremendously. It is based on “mirroring”, is my understanding.

I really feel for you. hopefully you can work through this!

I was married to this person. EVERYTHING ABOUT ME WAS WRONG, AND SHE WAS PERFECT.

“We never talk!” so you try. “you talk too much” after awhile you stop trying, and guess what? THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT SHE WANTS! Why do I say that? Because, it’s not natural for a woman to not want to talk, unless she has reasons! Reason being 99-100, she’s engaged in fun conversation with somebody else, a lot.

I’m one of those that tries to negotiate and understand. If that doesn’t happen then it is a full on intellectual debate.

Anybody married to someone who is never wrong (in their mind).

My wife is someone who thinks she is never wrong. Everything gets twisted back to me. So I am to the point where I don’t even bring anything up anymore.

It is not my nature to argue. and not a very good arguer anyway. So it just builds up, and that isn’t healthy.

If you are in this situation, how the heck do you handle someone like this. Issues need to be discussed, not twisted.

Anybody married to someone who is never wrong (in their mind).

My wife is someone who thinks she is never wrong. Everything gets twisted back to me. So I am to the point where I don’t even bring anything up anymore.

It is not my nature to argue. and not a very good arguer anyway. So it just builds up, and that isn’t healthy.

If you are in this situation, how the heck do you handle someone like this. Issues need to be discussed, not twisted.

Anybody married to someone who is never wrong (in their mind).

My wife is someone who thinks she is never wrong. Everything gets twisted back to me. So I am to the point where I don’t even bring anything up anymore.

It is not my nature to argue. and not a very good arguer anyway. So it just builds up, and that isn’t healthy.

If you are in this situation, how the heck do you handle someone like this. Issues need to be discussed, not twisted.

What were you thinking when you married her? Did you think she would eventually figure out she’s wrong?

Seriously, you might want to consider marital counseling.