This article was co-authored by Jessica George, MA, CHt. Jessica George is a Marriage and Family Therapist, Certified Professional Master Life Coach, and Co-Founder of Evolve Therapy Coaching based in Glendale, California. With more than 20 years of experience, she specializes in hybrid therapy and coaching services, couples counseling, and clinical hypnotherapy. Jessica holds a Bachelor’s degree from The University of California, Santa Barbara and an MA in Counseling Psychology and Talk Therapy from Ryokan College. Jessica is trained in the Imago technique and the Gottman method for couples therapy. She also earned a Professional Life-Coach Certification from The Fowler Academy and an Infinite Possibilities Relationship Certification. She is a member of the International Board of Coaches and Practitioners (IBCP).
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Friendship can be a difficult thing. You may think you’re establishing a friendship with someone, only to find they’re not interested in your company. If someone rejects your friendship, work on forgetting about it. There are many reasons that someone would not want to be your friend. Most of these reasons have nothing to do with you. Try to let go of the lost friendship. Acknowledge it’s not personal and focus your energies elsewhere. Be kind to yourself to help manage your emotions. When you’re ready, think about anything you could learn.
This article was co-authored by Julia Yacoob, PhD. Dr. Julia Yacoob is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist practicing in New York City. She specializes in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for adults coping with a variety of symptoms and life stressors. Dr. Yacoob earned an MS and Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from Rutgers University, and pursued specialized training at Weill Cornell Medical College, New York Presbyterian Hospital, Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center, the Institute for Behavior Therapy, and Bellevue Hospital Cancer Center. Dr. Yacoob is a member of the American Psychological Association, Women’s Mental Health Consortium, NYC Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Association, and Association for Cognitive and Behavioral Therapies.
wikiHow marks an article as reader-approved once it receives enough positive feedback. This article has 19 testimonials from our readers, earning it our reader-approved status.
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We’ve all been there: even though you parted ways with someone, it feels like the person is still haunting your mind. When you break up with someone or end a friendship, it can take months or even years to get the person out of your head. If you don’t take action to replace those thoughts with something positive, memories and “what ifs” will run circles in your mind without stopping. By letting go of the past, changing the way you think and making new memories, you can forget the person who is causing you to feel empty, sad or angry. See Step 1 to start forgetting.
This article was co-authored by Sabrina Grover, LMSW. Sabrina Grover, LMSW is a Licensed Master Social Worker (LMSW) who earned her degree in Advanced Clinical Practice from New York University. Sabrina has experience working in substance abuse recovery centers and schools where she gained experience providing evidence-based treatment to children, adolescents, adults, and families. Sabrina specializes in Dialectical, Narrative, and Cognitive Behavioral Therapies. She has particular expertise in treating clients struggling with grief, complex trauma, interpersonal difficulty, family conflict, anxiety, and depression. She commits to providing a supportive environment for everyone who commits to growth and offering a warm, non-judgmental atmosphere.
There are 10 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.
wikiHow marks an article as reader-approved once it receives enough positive feedback. In this case, 85% of readers who voted found the article helpful, earning it our reader-approved status.
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Facing the end of a friendship can be very difficult emotionally and psychologically. Friendships may end because of a betrayal of trust or simply because one or both of you have moved to a different place in life, either physically or mentally. The length of time it takes to get over the ending of a friendship can vary, depending on the amount of time you had been friends, how close you were, and what occurred to end the friendship. Taking the appropriate length of time to grieve the loss of your friendship can help you forget about a past friend in a healthy and positive way.
This article was co-authored by Lena Dicken, Psy.D. Dr. Lena Dicken is a Clinical Psychologist based in Santa Monica, California. With over eight years of experience, Dr. Dicken specializes in therapy for anxiety, depression, life transitions, and relationship difficulties. She utilizes an integrative approach combining Psychodynamic, Cognitive Behavioral, and Mindfulness-based therapies. Dr. Dicken holds a BS in Integrative Medicine from the University of Hawaii at Manoa, an MA in Counseling Psychology from Argosy University Los Angeles, and a Doctor of Psychology (Psy.D) in Clinical Psychology from the Chicago School of Professional Psychology at Westwood. Dr. Dicken’s work has been featured in GOOP, The Chalkboard Magazine, and in numerous other articles and podcasts. She is a licensed psychologist with the state of California.
There are 11 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.
wikiHow marks an article as reader-approved once it receives enough positive feedback. This article received 16 testimonials and 100% of readers who voted found it helpful, earning it our reader-approved status.
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Not all friendships will last forever. In fact, friendships may end for a variety of reasons. Despite the rationale for severing ties, losing a friend can be a painful process. Fortunately, there are several ways to move forward with your life after you’ve lost someone who once meant a lot to you.
This article was co-authored by Asa Don Brown, PhD, DNCCM, FAAETS. Dr. Asa Don Brown is a Clinical Psychologist with over 25 years of experience. He specializes in working with families, children, and couples, treating a variety of psychological disorders, trauma, and abuse. Dr. Brown has specialized in negotiation and profiling. He is also a prolific author having published three books and numerous articles in magazines, journals, and popular publications. Dr. Brown earned a BS in Theology and Religion with a minor in Marketing and an MS in Counseling with a specialization in Marriage and Family from The University of Great Falls. Furthermore, he received a PhD in Psychology with a specialization in Clinical Psychology from Capella University. He is also a candidate for a Masters of Liberal Arts through Harvard University. Dr. Brown is a Fellow of the American Academy of Experts in Traumatic Stress and a Diplomate for the National Center for Crisis Management and continues to serve a number of psychological and scientific boards.
There are 8 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 42,564 times.
Forgetting a friend is difficult. You might have drifted apart, or you may have had a huge falling-out. Whatever the reason, you’ve decided that this person isn’t an integral part of your life anymore. Forgetting a friend involves mourning the lost friendship, finding new friends and moving on with your life.
10 Important Rules for Forgetting Someone You Love
Not everything in life goes the way we want them to go and there are some times when you have to know how to forget someone you love. At times, it may seem like the hardest thing you’ll ever have to do. To be able to forget someone you love, when loving them is not an option anymore, is actually the healthy path to take, to let go of what’s holding you back so that you can move on.
10 Important Rules for Forgetting Someone You Love
Don’t Avoid Mourning the Person
Whether it is someone you have lost or someone who have moved away from you – the separation can be equally painful. If you want to know how to forget someone you love, you need to mourn the person first. Forcing them out of your mind so that you don’t have to think about them is not the healthy way to approach acceptance. Rather, you have to give yourself adequate time to mourn their absence and grieve for them – that’s the initial step to forgetting someone, to remember them first.
Don’t Try to Get in Touch
In order to know how to forget someone you love, remember this: if this is a person who is not in your life at the moment, don’t try to get in contact with them, for any excuse. Many people have the habit of doing so – with the excuse of “getting a closure” or “saying goodbye”, or even “being together for the last time”. This kind of attitude will only complicate the matter rather than solve it. When you love someone, it is never easy to say “goodbye” and trying to do so is the wrong decision. Getting in touch with someone you want to forget or staying in touch with them will only rekindle all the old emotions and make it harder for you to let go of the past.
Don’t Force Yourself to Hate Them
If you actually hate the person you want to forget, that’s fine. However, in most situations, that is not the case because, remember, this was someone you loved! Hating someone you once loved is not easy – or even possible in most cases – so don’t force yourself. To know how to forget someone you love is not to hate them, but just to accept the fact that they are not a part of your life anymore.
Forgive the Person
To forget someone is also to forgive them, for everything they have done and for the way they have made you feel. If you have some hatred and anger in yourself towards them, learn to forgive – no matter how hard that is for you. Keeping a grudge against someone who is not around will only make the matter worse for you!
Let It All Out
Don’t keep everything bottled up in yourself, but let it out. Cry, scream, vent or whine to someone you trust and someone who is close to you. Talking always helps, especially if the person you are talking to understands you. If you don’t want to share your story with another person, write it down in a personal journal or talk to other anonymous people on an online forum. If you feel like you need to talk to a professional about your emotions, don’t hesitate or feel embarrassed to do so.
Meet Other People
A great way to forget a person is to meet new people and make new friends. Not every relationship with other people needs to become permanent, but making new acquaintances will definitely make you feel better. Besides, new people means making new memories in order to replace the old ones that are painful for you – another great way to forget someone.
Take Some Time for Yourself
Among meeting new people and making new friends, take some time for you, to spend on your passions and interests, only with yourself. In order to forget someone, don’t spend all your waking moments in other people’s company so that you don’t have any spare time to think of them – which is something that people tend to do. Instead, spend some time alone in your own company.
Let Go of Them
To forget someone, you have to let them go completely. This means no stalking them on Facebook or any other social media sites, asking about them to mutual friends, or calling them on their phone anonymously. Letting go of them also means to get rid of everything around you that reminds you of that person – personal belongings, photos and mementos.
Take as Much Time as You Need
Don’t expect to forgot someone very soon because this is not something that can happen overnight. When you love someone very much, it is hard to forget them, and it takes time to do so. Even if it takes you a lot time to stop hurting over your loss, give yourself the time – as much as you need – until you can forget them, or until it doesn’t hurt you too much when you think about them.
Trust Karma on Your Behalf
One of our human vices is that we seek revenge on people who have hurt us or disappointed us, which is not the healthy path to take. Don’t plot revenge on the person you want to forget; wait for Karma to take over and do the job. The vengeful part of us will only lead you to further disaster and actions you would most definitely regret later!
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– How to Forget Someone You Love –
It can be difficult to forget or move past your sentiments for a lost love. Can it be done? Can you ever let go of a loved one? Here’s how it can be done.
Being in love is simple. Broken hearts are also simple to come by. But do you know what the challenging aspect of this falling in and out of love process is?
Getting rid of the memory of that loved one is more important than enduring the anguish.
This is because the memories will always be there. They stay in your heart once you form them.
Even though new experiences and exhilarating sentiments may have overwritten them, you can easily bring them back when you’re feeling sentimental.
They do know how to linger in your heart, mind, and soul, so yes.
Yes, memories cannot be removed, but forgetting is still a possibility.
This doesn’t mean erasing the memories entirely; rather, it means erasing the feelings that are associated with these memories. But how exactly do you do that?
- Someone you Love
- Falling in Love
- Send to Your Loved Ones
How to Forget Someone You Love
Here are some techniques for letting go of a loved one and getting over past hurts.
1. Recognize the Failure and Move On
Be one of those individuals who can accept that what you desired didn’t happen, but don’t be that person.
If you just accept what happened, you’ll be able to forget someone you love much more quickly.
You won’t benefit from clinging to an illusory gleam of hope.
2. Stop going to the Special Places
Memories are made when we are close to someone. And after they are gone, we find ourselves going back to those memories.
Songs, eateries, roads, and all other places come to haunt us. You will feel the want to call or go back no matter the reason for your breakup.
In this stage, a lot of individuals lose up and go back, only to discover that memories were significantly better than reality. Your favorite locations will serve as a catalyst.
3. Break off Contact Completely
If you’re still in contact with someone, even if you’re simply pals on social media, it can be difficult to move on from them or forget about them.
On each of your social media platforms, unfriend the user. Even if you want to remain friends, let them know you need a significant break from them.
4. Go Out
Please don’t lock yourself in your room; loneliness is lethal. Check out the outside by opening your windows.
You must stay up with the world because it continues even without you! You cannot remain depressed in your chamber until the crows become white.
5. Anything Novel and Thrilling will help you get over Memories
Pick up some paper. Write about the things you are afraid to do (or loved doing but never did)
Nothing broadens us as much as taking on a challenge that we initially dismissed as not being our cup of tea.
Once you accomplish what you previously believed was impossible, you are given new skies to fly in and transform into a new person.
Breakups are frequently the best opportunities to discover our true selves. Because hardship always serves to broaden us
6. Forgive and Forget
The final nail in the coffin of suffering is here. No life lesson or yoga class can ever help you cleanse from your past as forgiveness can.
The most effective way to care for oneself is to forgive.
Forgiveness does not excuse the wrongdoing of the other party. It just eases the suffering you are already experiencing.
You can forget your ex with the aid of forgiveness, which also removes the anguish.
Whatever he did to you good, bad, or evil you must forgive him. Then you should forgive yourself.
You are the most challenging person to forgive.
Accept responsibility for all you believe you did to cause this pain. Once you have been forgiven, you are then on a new path.
7. Pray for Inner Tranquility
You just have one option left if everything else fails, and that is to pray. Praying can help you stay calm while going through the difficult process of letting go of a loved one.
This is so that you might receive the peace and calm you deserve through prayer.
Additionally, you have the opportunity to pray to God and express your concerns and desires, and by his supernatural intervention, you are given new insight into life.
We believe this article on how to forget someone you love was helpful. Don’t forget to share this article with friends and loved ones.
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I lost a lot of people in my life. Some of them passed away. Some of them left my life with a big noise. Some of them quit my life silently without being noticed.
Some people, I’ve never seen them again.
Some people say “Hi”, but never say “How are you?”.
Some people behave like strangers. Like we’ve never had anything in common. Like we’ve never been close to each other.
We forget fast
People will always remember the bad things you did and always forget the good things you’ve done.
When people pass away we mostly hold good memories of them. When people decide to leave our life we mostly hold bad memories of them. Why is that? I was asking myself this question when I was trying to justify the reason someone left me. Despite all my efforts, it was hard to keep in mind the good moments we’ve spent together. The very first thought which was coming to the fore was bringing a feeling of resentment and bitterness.
I know pretty well which relationship was not healthy. Which one was not satisfactory. Which one was not mutual. Nevertheless, a feeling of being abandoned or rejected seemed stronger than any other logical argument.
I know pretty well that I cannot restore those relationships even if I would like to do so. They’re already my past. We’ve got our time. They completed their role in my life and I completed my role in their life. It’s time to take different paths. Staying together will not let us get the next lessons. It’s time to move on.
There was a time when I was regretting every relationship I lost. I was trying to find an explanation of what went wrong. I was making myself feel guilty.
– What did I do wrong?
The thing is that sometimes we don’t do anything wrong. It’s life which decides to break a cord. To make us raise in different directions. To link us with new people. To give us something better.
Tip: You can easily forget by keeping yourself busy with things you’re passionate about. Give your life a new direction, find a matter you can fully focus on, work hard and connect with new people who will totally absorb your attention.
Things change fast
I look at the pictures of people who were used to be my friends before. I say to myself:
– It’s so funny and so sad at the same time how things change.
Do you think things change from one day to another or is it a matter of time which breaks us unnoticeable? With the words, we use, with the way we look at people, with the time we don’t have for them. It’s absolutely spectacular how simple things influence the whole life. I’m amazed when analyzing their impact on my well-being and the well-being of people who are close to me.
Tip: Time is the best remedy and small things can successfully distract your attention. Drop by drop, day after day, you will see that the pain lacks its power. Enjoy small things, small moments of joy, small friendly gestures. You’re not alone even if you feel like the one. Millions of people went and go through the same. Help each other to win over the pain.
Things that cannot be fixed
How is it possible that we cannot change what happened? That we cannot fix mistakes? That it’s easier to leave than to repair? Everything happens for a purpose. Sometimes, we feel intuitively that there’s nothing to repair. Or we don’t want to repair it as it lost all its value for us. We don’t find any further enjoyment keeping it with us. Being a collector of dead friendships or relationships brings the emptiness and makes us coming back to a vicious circle we’ve managed to escape from.
Tip: Accept what happened. Forgive and let it go. This turnaround may be an opportunity to go where you’ve always wanted to be. Some people stop us from doing so. Refrain from looking back and benefit from what life is giving you today.
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Do you need some ways to deal with someone you don’t want to be friends with? It’s really rather awkward when someone wants to make friends with you but you don’t really click with them. Sometimes they try a bit too hard to be your friend, and you don’t want to bluntly tell them you’re not interested. But how can you diplomatically deter someone? Here are some ways to deal with someone you don’t want to be friends with:
1 Be Firm
One of the ways to deal with someone you don’t want to be friends with is to be firm and not cave in. Giving in to someone who is persistent will just mean that you end up maintaining a ‘friendship’ that doesn’t mean anything and resenting the other person for imposing themselves on you. Don’t let it start, and you won’t have to finish it.
2 Remain Friendly
Even if you don’t want to be friends with someone, you should still maintain a courteous attitude towards them. There’s a difference between being friends and being friendly; the latter doesn’t mean that you’ll be encouraging them. You can still be civil, so try to resist being rude in an attempt to put them off.
Pretty reckless live
7 Things Your Shoes Say about You .
3 Impose Limits
If you don’t mind this person too much, but you just don’t want to be friends with them, try setting limits on your dealings with them. Perhaps you don’t mind hanging around with them as part of a group, or having the occasional coffee. If so, try to ensure that you only see them under these circumstances.
4 Avoid Them
Some persistent would-be friends really don’t get the hint, and keep on trying to make friends with you. In such a situation, avoiding them may be the best option. Above all, make sure that they don’t get hold of your number, or you could be fielding calls all the time. This can also be the best way of dealing with someone who is offended that you don’t return their interest.
5 Be Unavailable
If someone you don’t want to be friends with gets hold of your number don’t answer their calls. It may be a bit cowardly to avoid answering them, but eventually they will get the message and stop calling. And if they ask you face to face if you want to do something on a specific date, tell them you’re not free then.
6 Be Busy
Don’t feel guilty about saying no to someone if you don’t have the time or inclination to be friends with them. It’s kinder to both of you than going along with something you don’t want to do. If they invite you to something directly, then explain that you are too busy at the moment, even if you have to do so every time they ask.
7 Find Them Another Friend
Perhaps you really don’t have anything in common with this person, but you know someone else who does. In that case, you could play friend matchmaker and introduce them. And if they don’t want to be friends either, simply give them the link to this article and they’ll know what to do!
You don’t have to be friends with someone if you don’t want to, so don’t feel obliged. Just be polite about explaining that you don’t have time/would rather not meet for coffee etc. Have you ever been pestered by someone who wouldn’t take no for an answer?
Please rate this article
Molly I have a friend that don’t like anymore. She’s a bitch and is soooo self-absorbed. so I was wondering. how do I hurt her emotionally?
Alice There is a guy in my school who keeps trying to talk to me when Im busy with other people. ITS SUPER ANNOYING. He wont shut up, and if I dont spend time with them he gets all sad and depressed
Skyler Read the comments and I think advices here won’t work much. Sometimes being blunt, rude will work. If they don’t comprehend you dint want to be close with them despite your indications with behaviors you have right to rude because no one has right to cross your boundaries
Anonymous I just hate everything right now. This person is not my friend but inserts herself into my life. ItвЂ™s so wrongрџћ
Bob What if they smell like really bad?
Stella The person in my life is an old acquaintance from 25 years ago who has tried to stay in contact with me. I moved out of state and have had very little contact with her in 27 years. At one point she planned a visit and insisted on staying with us. Not wanting to hurt her feelings we endured it. Over the years she makes the annual phone call and tries to play catch-up. Im cordial. But now, out of the blue, they have moved to my state. Purposely looking for a place 40min away. Paid $17,000 over asking price to get the house!! Now they constantly call and try to set up “visit” days or dinners at their house. They tell people that we’re good friends that have known eachother for decades, when in actuality we were only acquaintances who had mutual friends and only occasionally did anything together. She calls every other day and keeps me on the phone for an hour each time. She gets her feelings hurt if I don’t reciprocate her eagerness to nourish this relationship. I want to MOVE. Her husband encourages her to call me, visit, me and set up visits. Her husband us now trying to befriend my husband who is an elder in our faith and can’t easily turn away ones who wish to visit with HIM. I like all people, however I am an introvert and don’t require getting out much, receiving visits, or talking on the phone. I have friends, but my husband is my closest friend. my home is my personal space. I feel I’m being almost harassed into accepting her pushy advances into my life.
Kitty Block her number maybe?
Isabella Ok well i’m 24 and i have a 20 year old girl i knew from class at college. We hung out for a few months but i just didn’t ‘click’ with her, and she’d text me all the time with exactly this: “Hey Isabella рџѓ” as if she wanted something from me. She hasn’t texted for ages and i thought she got the point, but just last week she texted again (sigh) advice, anyone??
Alice @Isabella: maybe tell her your not interested
I have anxiety and depression, and difficulty making friends.
I texted two ex-coworkers who I considered friends (not great friends – we never hung out outside of work, but definitely more than acquaintances) and asked if they wanted to get lunch. They both replied something along the lines of “Yes, would love to! But I need to check my schedule.” Their responses seemed genuine to me. That was on January 2nd and neither has sent anything since.
Now I don’t know what to do. I’m hurt that they forgot but I don’t know if I should tell them that. I’m afraid they’ll just think I’m guilt tripping and/or needy. And if we did end up getting lunch I wouldn’t want it to be awkward. Although at this point I don’t think I’ll be able to pretend that they didn’t forget about me and even enjoy myself.
3 Answers 3
How to remind people / (ex) co-workers who forgot to reply to a personal note?
This is more or less the heart of the problem. It’s about a non-business related matter in a professional setting, because they most probalby get your message while at work, and still see you as a co-worker. In this situation, I use the “TOROFAI” method (Tell Once / Remind Once / Forget About It). Give people a chance to say no without being rude, or forget about it.
What does that mean? As it’s not business-related, and because they interacted with you at the workplace (and can still see you as a “co-woker”), people can react like:
- I haven’t seen it / forgot about it -> hence, the reminder.
- It’s not important right now (and piled up at the bottom of the stack) -> hence, the reminder.
- I don’t want to answer (means “no, I’m not interested, but don’t want to tell them / want them to forget about it / want them to not ask again“) -> hence, the forget-about-it part.
What’s important is to not bother them, and don’t wait for an answer, as they may not be willing to. If you really want to softly push for an answer, give them an opportunity to deflect. I’d ask them, the first time (or as a reminder, but better at the very beginning), if they want to come out for lunch on day D / Time T. Maybe you’ve been too broad, and people may not have time to deal with unclear question.
When specifying the day/hour, you let them find an excuse about the job, so that they can use a little white lie (that you’ll have to interpret as such) without (they think. ) hurting you.
I’ve done that many time in big companies, and/or with people I wanted to keep in touch with (don’t burn bridges), and always got my answer, be it said/written or untold. Hope that you can read the signs though 🙂
I often face the problem of forgetting the name of a person who I last met a while ago.
This can lead to an awkward situation when asking what their name is.
How can I elicit them to say their name, without letting them know that I’ve forgotten?
14 Answers 14
A trick to save you a bit of embarrassment, is the following.
“What was your name again?”
“Sorry, I mean your surname.”
That makes it seem you’ve only forgotten their surname.
Should they reply with their full name right away, be sure to emphasise it was their surname you had forgotten.
“What was your name again?”
“Ah yes, Smith, of course.”
I personally am very bad with names, and often come across this issue myself. Firstly, if you have a mutual friend, or someone else who knows the person, it’s always best to ask them first, to see if they know (and can tell you).
If you can’t think of anyone you know that might know their name, it might be worth trying to contact one of his friends, and asking them if they know his name, or just see if they mention it when in general conversation.
Finally, short of actually asking him himself, you can always try looking through social media or your phone, to see if his details are anywhere on there, even a signed note will let you know his name.
Finally, if you must ask him yourself, then you should address him in an apologetic way, something along the lines of:
“I’m awfully sorry but it’s been a long time and I can’t quite remember your name, could you remind me?”
You could ask them directly, by saying something like:
I’m sorry, I have a terrible memory. Remind me one more time of your name?
Or, if you actually have a good memory and you’re pedantic, maybe something like:
I’m sorry, I know I should remember your name, but it’s just escaped me for a moment. Could you remind me once more?
If you really don’t want to let them know you forgot, you could try to engineer a situation where they introduce themselves to someone else in front of you, so that you hear their name without having to ask them. (But make sure you’re not the one expected to introduce them to each other.)
If you know them well enough, give them your phone and ask for their contact information or Facebook profile.
This saves you the embarrassment of asking, as the person will write out their name for you. As an added bonus, you now have their information saved to your phone as a contact, meaning you can easily look it up without having to ask again.
If possible, I also recommend adding a contact photo to help associate the name with a person.
If it is an unusual or hard-to-pronounce name, I would just ask,
How do you say your name again? I want to make sure I’ve gotten it right.
If it’s a common name, I would try to associate with someone or something that I already know. A “common” name makes it easier to make these associations.
If all else fails, use Kaz’ suggestion, apologize and say something like, “I’m sorry, I think I’ve forgotten your name.”
A couple suggestions that haven’t been mentioned yet, but I’ve found useful for tricking people into giving me their name again:
Find some reason you have to write out their name, and ask them to remind you how to spell it. Note: this approach works less well on names like Bill, James, etc. 🙂
Put on a very slightly absent look when talking to them and pull out a random name. The beauty of this one is that when they correct you, you can look a bit embarrassed and say, “Oh, of course, I’m sorry, I wasn’t quite with you.” The downside is that using this approach twice sounds a bit odd, and if they fail to correct you, you’re no closer to the goal.*
Watch everything that goes through their hands: bills, cheques, credit cards, etc., and listen carefully to anyone talking to them: sooner or later, a person has to let on to their name, especially in a group setting. I remember one trucker I worked with whose last name I never heard. It started to get embarrassing, because I knew him too well eventually to ask a silly question like “What’s your last name?” – until one day I asked if he minded if I looked at his log book for curiosity’s sake.
Hope some or all of this helps someone!
*It also yields humorous results if you happened to guess right on. This has happened to me before. 🙂
“To let go of people who no longer need, or want to be in your life is to honor your Self and surrender to the natural flow of life. You let go of someone not because you no longer care; not because you no longer need and want them in your life. But because you understand that they will be happier someplace else. You will be happy someplace else.”
One of the hardest things in life is to let go of the people we love the most. We hold on to those close to us so tightly, fearing that without them we will be nothing; fearing that without them the love we feel in our hearts will be forever lost.
Our attachments to the people in our lives interfere with the love we have for them, taking away from the purity and the beauty love has to offer.
How to Let Go of People Who No Longer Need, or Want to Be in Your Life
“Love allows your beloved the freedom to be unlike you. Attachment asks for conformity to your needs and desires. Love imposes no demands. Attachment expresses an overwhelming demand: ‘Make me feel whole.; Love expands beyond the limits of two people. Attachment tries to exclude everything but two people.”
Letting go doesn’t have to be hard. In fact, it becomes easier and easier as we learn to accept, appreciate, and love ourselves for who we are and for who we are not.
By releasing and letting go of our unhealthy attachments, we return to a place of peace and tranquility. And from that place, our love will liberate, not only ourselves but also those around us.
“Love liberates. It doesn’t just hold—that’s ego. Love liberates. It doesn’t bind. Love says, ‘I love you. I love you if you’re in China. I love you if you’re across town. I love you if you’re in Harlem. I love you. I would like to be near you. I’d like to have your arms around me. I’d like to hear your voice in my ear. But that’s not possible now, so I love you. Go”.
There comes a time in our lives when we have to do what’s right. A time when we are asked to honor, not only ourselves but also the people around us. And we do this by letting go of people who no longer need, or want to be in our lives.
We let go of people not because we are weak, but because we are mature enough to realize that it’s the relationship we are releasing, and not the love we have in our heart for the other person.
Let Go of The Past
If you love someone, and if you feel it in your heart that you need to let them go if it’s required to let go, it will be wise to do it.
It might hurt at first, but once the pain is gone, you will feel more alive than you have ever felt. And you will start to see things from a totally different perspective. From that place, you will understand better than ever, that letting go is a sign of strength, courage, and great love, and not a sign of weakness or lack of love.
You let go of people not because you no longer care; not because you no longer need and want them in your life. But because you understand that they will be happier someplace else. You will be happier someplace else.
Real love transcends the material plane. And no matter if your bodies are apart, your souls will forever be connected.
There is no need to fear. No need to worry. And no need to hold yourself, or anyone else, hostage “to love.” Always remember that love liberates. It doesn’t just hold—that’s ego. Love liberates…
“Some birds are not meant to be caged, that’s all. Their feathers are too bright, their songs too sweet and wild. So you let them go, or when you open the cage to feed them they somehow fly out past you. And the part of you that knows it was wrong to imprison them in the first place rejoices, but still, the place where you live is that much more drab and empty for their departure.”
The path to letting go of people who no longer need, or want, to be in your life
Letting go of people who no longer need, or want to be in our lives starts with an intention to do so.
We let go because we have learned to honor, not only ourselves and our Truth, but everyone around us also. We let go because we know that we have no right to interfere with anyone’s path in life. Nor are we entitled to claim, or act as though people belong to us.
Learn to love yourself. Learn to be good to yourself. For in doing so, you will know how to be truly good and loving towards others.
Purify your internal dialogue. Learn to talk to, and about yourself in the same way you would talk to, and about, those you love the most.
Seek to connect with the part of you that transcends space and time. The part of you that is unlimited and eternal.
Take a walk outside as often as possible. And learn to explore nature with your senses.
Write about your thoughts and feelings. Do something you’re passionate about.
Go out with your friends. Laugh, dance, be silly, be weird, be playful and childlike.
Do all the things that bring you joy and laughter.
Treat yourself with kindness, love, and compassion. And learn to express your gratitude for the many gifts life offered you up until this moment.
Take your focus away from those things that cause you to feel so much pain, stress, anxiety, fear, and unhappiness. And place it onto those things that make your heart sing; onto those things that make you feel joyful and alive. For in doing all of these wonderful things, and many others, you will learn the power of loving everything and being attached to nothing.
Find ways to be at peace with yourself, and letting go will become second nature.
Let go of People who no longer want to be in your life. Let go and trust.
Let go and trust that maybe life has better plans for you. Go with the natural flow of life, not against it. And liberate everyone, yourself including from the bonds of those many fearful and unhealthy attachments.
Why hold on to something good when life wants you to have something better?
And this is how to let go of people who no longer need, or want to be in your life. May these words inspire and empower you to find the inner strength, courage, and confidence to free yourself from all that is not love, so that you can experience what true love is really all about.
** What about you? Is there someone in your life you need to let go of? You can share your comment by joining the conversation in the comment section below 🙂
Updated on June 7, 2022 by Team ShineSheets
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When the person you care so much about doesn’t bother about you, admitting that to yourself can be quite devastating and heartbreaking. We often hold on to the relationships that we find meaningful, while not realizing that the other person may not feel the same way. Sometimes, you love someone so much that you may even fail to see how the other person is treating you.
Yet, after some time, the picture becomes clear and you realize that they don’t love you anymore, or that they don’t care about you as much as you do about them. This is when you should stop obsessing and get back to life rather than staying heartbroken.
I know, it’s easier said than done. But sometimes, to protect your own mental wellness and self-respect, you need to learn how to stop caring about someone. Knowing their feelings is the first step but managing the reality is the most important, and usually – a difficult step. Being aware that someone you would do anything for wouldn’t even lift a finger for you is a hard pill to swallow.
At first, there are feelings of anger and rage, sadness, helplessness, and then… You just don’t know what to do about it. You feel stuck and sooner or later, you realize that this is not what you deserve and that you need to stop caring. Clinging on to a one-sided relationship (be it a romantic relationship, family relationship, or friendship) is just too dangerous for your mental and physical health.
Here’s how to stop caring about someone without losing yourself.
How To Stop Caring About Someone And Be Okay With It
1. Accept The Fact
It doesn’t help that when you are constantly trying to get the other person to care about you when they don’t care at all. The very first step towards not caring is to accept the truth. Accept that whatever you had with that person has come to an end. Instead of trying to win them back, save your dignity, and let go.
A crucial step to accepting reality is to seek professional help, such as finding one of the registered clinical counsellors in your area. A locally-based counsellor can help shed light on the logical explanation of your thoughts and behavior, allowing you to realize their existing and potential consequences. With professional help, you might find the best solution that’ll help you fully resolve all your guilt and ill feelings.
2. Accept Your Feelings
Sometimes you may find yourself trying really hard to stop caring but it isn’t helping at all. It might be because you are not doing it the right way and this usually happens when you try to hide from your feelings.
You must accept your feelings and allow yourself to fully feel them until they lose power. Trying to fool yourself that it is not painful will bring you nothing but more pain. Accept that you love that person unconditionally and it is painful to let them go. Yet, it is normal to feel that way. Don’t be ashamed of the pain you feel, as it is part of the process.
P. S. I know it’s all easier said than done. Accepting hard feelings is not an easy task… However, there is a way to help yourself process these uncomfortable emotions and help your heart heal.
Check out my favorite printable tool that can help you to do a little bit of emotional self care, and allow you to accept negative feelings easier (this will also help you feel better):
Are you always thinking about someone and you want it to stop? Tips on how to get over an infatuation and overcome your obsessing thoughts. Stop letting an infatuation or an obsession over a girl or guy control your life. Obsessing and constantly thinking about someone is often mistaken for love or being in love with somebody, however they are different things.
Definition or meaning of infatuation
Infatuation is a short term almost obsessive interest in somebody, sometimes confused with love. Infatuation is an irrational need for somebody, similar to a strong crush or lust.
People who are infatuated or obsessed with somebody tend to become blinded by their feelings, only seeing the positive in that person. They often see certain situations to be more special than they really are and assign meaning to things when there is none. They often completely fail to see negative personality traits of the person that they are obsessed with.
Having an infatuation for somebody is an emotional roller coaster. It can cause great joy, happiness and contentment, however it can also be equally as bad causing great sadness, stress and emotional pain.
How to know if you are infatuated?
- Are you constantly thinking or day dreaming about that person?
- Does the thought of being away from them, in another country for example cause you emotional distress?
- Do you feel the need to spy on that person, or even stalk them?
How to get over an infatuation & stop obsessing over someone
Love or Infatuation?
Firstly understand the difference between love and infatuation because infatuation is often mistaken for love. Love involves knowing a person very well, understanding their positives and their flaws. Infatuation is blind, irrational and you can be infatuated with somebody you barely know or have never even met.
Are you projecting?
Understand mental projection, because some of these great qualities that we see in someone is largely just projecting our own good qualities onto them. So that would mean in some ways we are actually obsessed with ourselves.
Infatuation is common
Understand your infatuation is not unique. It may seem unique to you, especially if it’s the first time you have felt that way, however these feelings are very common. There will be thousands of people feeling the exact same way for someone else. Plus you will probably feel the exact same way for somebody else in the not too distant future (try to avoid this!).
Understand what is happening to your brain when you feel that way. When the infatuation starts your brain starts to produce dopamine which is a natural stimulate, it changes the wiring in our brains, it also increases the body’s production of adrenaline. The effect on our brains has been described as similar to the effects of cocaine.
Work to improve your self esteem and self image to get over infatuation, or prevent it from happening in the first place. Having a low self esteem can be a big factor in why some people develop infatuations for people. Often people will assign higher social status to others, putting them on a pedestal.
You need to work on being the center of your own universe and being on top of your own pedestal. To help achieve this, you can work on improving yourself, physically and mentally. Those who are high on trait neuroticism can struggle with their confidence and overall negative emotions. See the big five traits for more on this.
When we develop an infatuation for somebody, especially if you don’t actually know that person very well we create an image of that person, an idealistic version of them. However this idealistic person is nothing more than a fantasy, a creation of our own imagination, we create the perfect person or situation. So the infatuation that can develop for someone is only actually an infatuation with an almost imaginary person, a person that doesn’t actually exist.
If that person does something that doesn’t fit in with that self created imaginary person or situation, the idealistic image will be broken and the infatuation can disappear just as quickly as it was created.
Some people are naturally more inward thinking and self reflexive than others. If that inward thinking starts to focus on a particular person it can increase the chance of an infatuation developing. Inward thinkers are more likely to over think a situation and assign meaning to events that might not be there, and more likely to focus their thoughts on a particular person.
There is a personality type known as sensor or intuitive, the strong intuitive types are often in their heads assigning meaning to situations and events. The strong sensor types are paying a great deal of attention to their surrounding, paying attention to details and living in the moment. Strong sensors are less likely to develop infatuations, or get over infatuations quicker because they generally don’t over think, they don’t have the time to over think, they’re too busy paying attention to the now.
If you’re a strong intuitive, (especially an introverted intuitive) you can work on your sensing function. To do this, simply start practicing living in the moment, being observant and paying attention to details. You will have to consciously work at this, however it should become more natural in time.
If you’re very introverted, it would also be recommended to work on your extroverted side to improve those skills.
More quick tips on how to get over an infatuation
- Meet new people.
- Take up new hobbies.
- Create new distractions.
- Keep your life busy and active.
Infatuations are simply obsessions that can be very dangerous if they go out of control. Don’t let what is only a short term brain chemical reaction affect your life negatively.
CUT THE CONNECTION OFF: Sometimes it is seen that whenever you get involved somewhere very deeply that will make you bore after someday and then you will want to leave from that, similarly, happens in your relationship. Don’t try to involve somewhere so deeply. Maybe she is your girlfriend. So whenever your relationship got broken up leave it as it is, don’t need to give attention as well as don’t try to block her also, keep him or her as he or she wants to be. Do your work and everyone likes to seek attention from others. So after some time he or she will come to you and will want to talk with you.
STAY POSITIVE: Most of the time it is seen that after a breakup or don’t get love in return some become very upset and deeps into a hole of depression. So don’t do that kind of thing, just stay positive and believe in yourself, and stay positive always. Try to make yourself busy at work and do whatever you love to do.
SHOW YOUR NEW SIDE: Whenever you were with her or him, she or he was your first priority, and you were obsessed with them. Now she or he is not with you, then what? Cant, you live? Make him or her understand that you have your own life to follow, you have your own work to do. Maybe sometimes in relation he or she made a joke of you with something, try to work on that, be successful, make them jealous of you, automatically they will be attracted by you.
TAKE A LEAVE: If you feel more depressed, then you can also take a leave from everyone and also take a digital detox for a month and go for a trip to some hill station alone. This will give you the best refreshing nature of anything.
DON’T JEALOUS OF HER: In most cases, break-up occurs due to jealousy or possessiveness. So after a break-up, she or he may have new friends and she or he can behave with them very closely. Don’t try to say anything about that just show him or her that you don’t care about that. You also have to show him or her that in this break-up nothing has changed.
DISPOSE OF YOUR MEMORIES: When you were in a relationship you both had definitely spent some good moments and captured that, so you can delete all of that pictures, dispose of all of the gifts were given by her or him, delete the messages. Not totally this works to forget someone but this can stop you to see that memory again.
NEVER BLAME YOURSELF: There is another scene where it is seen that someone may be your crush and she or he knows that you like him. But after some time you become to know that she is in love with someone else. That’s not your fault anyway and not him or her also. You are independent and she or he is independent so you both have different feelings type. So don’t blame yourself that he or she doesn’t like or love you doesn’t mean you are rejected by all. Meet more people, love them, love yourself, be happy. This is also a way you can forget your past also.
I want to talk about an in-depth journey through the difficult topic of forgiveness. I say difficult because forgiving someone who has deeply hurt you is no doubt the hardest challenge you will ever face. But deciding to forgive someone who has deeply hurt you is also, unquestionably, one of the most important choices you will ever make.
I want to walk with you step-by-step through how you can actually forgive someone. I truly believe this is the most important blog I’ve ever written because forgiveness will help you find freedom. It will free you from the toxic emotions that trap you in bitterness and hate. So, let’s get this started.
But first, it is important to state that forgiving someone does NOT make what they did right. You are not saying, “It’s okay,” because was not okay to hurt you. Rather, you are choosing to let go of the bitterness while remembering your boundaries. You don’t have to be friendly with them again. You also might not FEEL forgiving, but forgiving someone is a choice you make, not a feeling you stir up. It is important to understand what forgiveness IS and what forgiveness IS NOT.
6 Steps on How to Forgive Someone
STEP ONE: You can’t truly forgive unless you have grasped the extent of the violation that has been done against you. With the help of a counselor, minister, or another professional, you need to seek to understand what happened to you when you were hurt and why it hurts so much.
Jane sent me some great advice, “Let all the things that have happened roll through your mind and let them pass through. Don’t try to deny feelings of anguish that you may have had. If you keep trying to smother that fire, you won’t help it. Allow yourself to experience the feelings you need to go through, then don’t cling to them, let them go. Try to focus on the good things the experiences have provided you with, however tiny they may be compared with the wrongs the person has done to you.”
STEP TWO: Write down the name of the person you have chosen to forgive. Underneath that name, think of the many things you have done for which you need forgiveness and write them down. When we realize how much we need to be forgiven for all the wrongs we have done, it makes it easier to show mercy to those who have hurt us. Keep what you have written in front of you as you go through this process.
STEP THREE: Realize forgiving others is a spiritual, supernatural exercise. In fact, it is impossible to truly forgive others without God’s help. God can help you forgive because not only has He forgiven tens of billions of people, but He also has the power to help you, in particular. Just remember: He only helps those who admit their helplessness. You might say a simple prayer like this: God I admit I can’t forgive (insert name) with my own power. Please help me. Help me to understand how much you have forgiven me, so I can forgive the person who has hurt me.
Nathan commented on how he has lived this out, “The hurt from the harm someone has done you is so big you cannot forgive on your own. I tried to put it aside, to rationalize it, even to blame myself for it. It was poisoning my spirit. Then one night I cried out to God realizing that this burden was too big for me alone. I laid the pain and anger and hurt at His feet, and He lifted the burden from me. It was only then that I could begin breathing in God’s love and peace and move on.”
STEP FOUR: Now it’s time to make the big decision to surrender. Let go of your deep desire to get even with the person who has violated you. Come up with a prayer or statement announcing your decision. Here’s an example: By an act of my will, and God’s power, I give up my rights to get even with (insert name). I make a commitment that when those sordid feelings come over me again, I will release them. I won’t babysit them. I admit the feelings are real, but I choose not to be controlled by them any longer. Instead, I will dwell on the good things I have learned from this experience.
STEP FIVE: Make a choice to have compassion on your violator. Look at them first, as a tragedy. In one sense they should be pitied. Bottom line is, because of their violation against you they have suffered, are suffering, and in the end will suffer far more in this life, or the one to come. We’re not making excuses for them, but we’re only saying they are pathetic, and desperately need our compassion. One way to show compassion is to pray for the person who has hurt you. Jesus said, “Pray for your enemies.” He knows it is impossible to continue to pray for someone, and still hate them. Then, while you’re praying for this person, ask for a blessing in their life. Pray that good things come to them. Wish them well.
STEP SIX: Move on. It’s time to make a concerted effort to stop dwelling on what happened. By forgiving someone you’re promising not to bring it up again to use against him or her. If you are going to talk to someone about how the other person has hurt you, make sure this person is a professional or a wise person you can trust.
Jenn commented, “Forgiving takes time. It doesn’t happen just once and it’s over with. But I am letting [God] take it from my hands and letting Him handle it. It is not my place to punish [the guy who hurt me], and I certainly don’t need to punish myself by holding on to that hurt and anger.”
Forgiveness is Worth the Effort
In conclusion, forgiving someone who has hurt you could be the greatest challenge of your life. But if you choose to forgive, you will join those who are not being destroyed by bitterness, anger, hurt or other toxic emotions. There is nothing quite like living in peace, knowing you are a forgiving person. May God bless you as you seek to be a truly loving and forgiving person.
To understand more about why forgiveness is so important for your own emotional healing and future, read What Happens When You Don’t Forgive.
It happens to the best of us. We find ourselves completely undone by someone else’s behavior. It could be anything from someone cutting you off in traffic to your spouse cheating on you. Mild to severe, other people’s actions can turn our world upside down.
I recently let myself get all caught up in someone else’s drama. My boyfriend’s daughter was behaving in some ways I found unacceptable. He was trying to rein her in; she was acting out more and more; we all went to counseling (I can’t tell you how many arguments, sleepless nights, and general fury on my part all this caused). Suddenly, she decided to move in with her mother. As soon as she moved, poof – there was peace on earth. No more drama, angst, or fury. Is she still doing all the stuff we had problems with? I’m sure. But now it’s not my issue. And you know what? It never was.
Most of the things that you get upset about aren’t your issues. The driver who cut you off? Their driving is not your issue. All you need to worry about is getting safely to your destination. That lazy co-worker who isn’t doing their share of the work? Not your issue. All you need to do is focus on your own good work. Your cheating spouse? Not your issue. Your issue is why you would stay with someone who is cheating on you.
Some tips to help with this:
1. Realize you cannot control other people. They are going to do the crazy, stupid, incorrect things they are going to do. You can’t force them to do anything else. You can’t force someone to stop being lazy or lying to you or cheating on you. The only person you can control is you. You get to decide how much you’re going to let this person’s behavior impact you. Your worrying, obsessing, venting, etc. has zero impact on them – and only hurts you.
2. You have three choices – change your thinking, change your behavior, or do nothing. My boyfriend is not a planner – it’s just not his way. This used to drive me completely insane. I would constantly argue the importance of planning – that if you failed to plan, you planned to fail. I was quick to point out occasions where his lack of planning cost him (I’m such a charmer!). He finally told me that if I liked planning so much, I could just plan everything and he would gladly go along. I finally accepted that I was never going to change him. I can either live with no plan (changing how I think about planning), make the plan myself (changing my behavior), find a new boyfriend (also changing my behavior) or just keep complaining about it. But I’ll never make him a planner.
3. Examine your role in the behavior. Did the driver ahead of you cut you off because you just started talking on your cell and slowed 20 MPH? Did your teenager lie to you because the last time he told you the truth he was grounded? Is your spouse cheating because you are on the road 358 days a year? I’m not condoning any of the behaviors – I’m just asking you to look at the only person you can control – you. Maybe you are playing a role and not even realizing it.
4. But realize it may have absolutely nothing to do with you. I hate to say it, but this is more often the case. We are all the center of our own universes. Many times we think people are doing things because of us or to us and they aren’t. The driver may not have even seen you. Your teenager may lie just because he doesn’t want to be embarrassed. Your spouse may be cheating for the thrill of it and still loves you (although they have a crummy way of showing it).
5. Don’t inadvertently enable the behavior. Some people engage in their crazy behavior because the people around them encourage it. If your spouse cheats on you, and you take them back and treat them better than before, can you blame them if they cheat again? If your friend “borrows” money from you, and never repays it and you lend them more, can you blame them if they never repay that loan either? I love Maya Angelou’s advice, “The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.” I know you don’t think you’re enabling, you think you’re helping. You think they will behave differently this time, that perhaps your love or kindness will change them. I say to you – why are you trying to control them still? Trying to change someone is trying to control them.
6. Let it go. Think of whoever drives you crazy right now. Get worked up – think of how they lie to you or how they don’t do their share or how selfish they are – whatever it is they are doing that drives you crazy. Assume they will never change. Ever. Can you just let it go? Is it really a minor thing you’ve been focusing on, making it major? In the big scheme of things, my boyfriend’s nonplanning is just not that big a deal. It’s offset by his kindness, patience, and wonderful good humor. Can you focus on the good more than the bad?
7. Let them go. Some behavior you just can’t let go of. Sometimes there’s not enough good to offset the bad. The best thing to do may be to let go of the relationship. Why are you staying with someone who causes you so much upset and pain? If you can’t let go of the relationship (say it’s a co-worker), can you let go of thinking so much about them? I bet they aren’t spending so much time thinking about you.
8. Get help. Can’t let it go or them? Talk with a professional counselor – life is too short for all this drama.
9. What about kids? Obviously when kids are little, you have to control them. They might think running into traffic is a good idea and you should probably put a stop to that. But as they get older, you’ll find that you need to alter your behavior to impact theirs. Maybe they start to dress inappropriately. You have several options – you can check out current fashion before you freak; you can yell and tell them they’re not going out like that (giving credibility to their attempt at rebellion); you can cut off the clothing allowance (controlling your behavior not theirs); or you can ignore it, knowing that sooner or later they will be embarrassed just like the rest of us and will fall in line. And if you are sharing clothing with your children, know that the rest of us are trying to let it go.
The bottom line is that you can’t let the behavior of others steal your joy. But if you do, it’s your choice. Focus on being the best and happiest that you can be – that’s where your energy should go. Set the best example you can and spend time and energy on people who lift you higher. And remember, somewhere there’s someone out there who thinks YOU need to change! Ha!
Love can be complicated sometimes. Some people say that we cannot go back to our ex because of course there must be a reason on why the relationship is broken.
But, there are also some people who are believe that true love will never be separated and will always find the way back to each other. Confusing isn’t it? Especially when you know the ways on how to know your ex girlfriend still has feelings for you, and you found out that she still has the feelings for you.
The problem will be harder if in fact, you don’t have any feelings to her any more. And if you are confused on what to do when a girl ghosts you and trying to make you feel jealous to her. Here are some tips on how to deal with a girl who is trying to make you jealous.
The best and easiest way on how to deal with a girl who is trying to make you jealous is by ignoring her. The more interaction or response that you give to her will give her another chance to make you feel jealous.
This is because by reacting to her action, she knows that she has your attention. Knowing that she has your attention, she will keep doing the things that make you jealous.
So, in order not to give her a chance to keep trying to make you feel jealous, just ignore her. You will also need to know what happens when you ignore a Gemini woman. And by then, you can predict on what she is going to do after she knew that you are ignoring her on purpose.
- Talk to her in person
And if you can’t hold it anymore by ignoring her, you can just talk to her directly and ask what she wants. Talking to someone in person is one of the ways on how to solve misunderstandings between friends.
Maybe, she never had the intention to make you jealous, it can be you who are over sensitive to her because you still care about her.
But, if you don’t feel a thing about her and you can see that she is purposely trying to make you feel jealous then you will need to talk about it with her. By talk to her directly, both of you can solve the current situation that you found disturbing and you can also let her know in person about what you feel towards her action.
If you feel like she already knew that you don’t have any intention to her or even have a feeling to her, you can just tease her back after the things that she has done to make you feel jealous. Teasing her will let you know about her reaction. Through her reaction you can see whether she is into you and trying to get your attention or not.
There are many ways to tease a girl, but remember to know the art of a soft teasing or a hard one such as ways to get your arm around a girl. By knowing the right and proper way to tease, you will be able to know and predict her reaction properly.
- Get along with friends and have more activities
To distract yourself to forget her and all of her tricks to make you feel jealous, you can get along with your friends more. Get along with your friends more will give you the chance to distract yourself with many activities. And with so many activities that you have, you will eventually start to forget her. This is a good option for you to distract yourself.
Because, if you feel like she is trying to make you feel jealous, then you must be lonely. And because you feel lonely, you have the time to observe more thing or even become over sensitive. You will need to know reasons why Taurus always feel lonely, and know how to handle it.
There are a lot of ways that you can do in order to how to deal with a girl who is trying to make you jealous. And each way that you choose to deal with her is reflecting what you feel about her.
For example, by ignoring her you definitely don’t care about her and has no feelings about her. But, if you react the opposite way, it can means that you still care about her. And who knows she is showing the signs that your ex still cares about you even though she is trying to make you feel jealous.
Finally Solve Your Relationship Problems
If you’re like me you have probably spent endless nights worrying about your relationship and trying to find an easy way that will help you fix it.
I’d endlessly spent hours browsing the internet to find that one golden answer that would finally fix my relationship and allow me to go back to my happy old self.
As I discovered the hard way, there is no ‘one-size fits all’answer that will help everyone. Everyone’s relationship is different.
That’s when I decided it was time for me to talk to someone knowledgeable about the specific issues I was facing, and I found Relationship Hero.
Within 1 minute, I was able to chat directly to a relationship consultant to whom I could explain the specific issues that I was facing in my relationship.
She gave me suggestions that I could immediately start implementing and we agreed to set a follow up meeting to see how it went.
As soon as I started implementing her suggestions I immediately noticed a big improvement in my relationship. This felt like a huge sigh of relief.
Of course, it still took hard work, but at least with my relationship counselor’s suggestions I now had a plan of action.
If you’re in a similar situation, I would therefore highly recommend that you do the same.
Want him to chase, love and obsess over you?
Well, you’ll need to have a much deeper understanding of a thing called the ‘hero instinct’ which is one of the fundamental drivers behind the behaviour of all men. Once you use that to your advantage, you’ll finaly become the most important priority in his life. My friend James Bauer prepared this Quick Free Video that’ll teach you to utilize this to your advantage.
I’m sure you can get your relationship back on track as well!
How to Deal with Mean People
Hint: Don’t just turn the other cheek.
You, with your switching sides,
And your walk by lies and your humiliation
You, have pointed out my flaws again,
As if I don’t already see them.
I walk with my head down,
Trying to block you out cause I’ll never impress you….
—Taylor Swift, “Mean”
“Why you gotta be so meeaann?” Taylor Swift croons in my car, accompanied rather loudly by five kids who are singing their hearts out. The song resonates with me, too, so much so that I find myself madly rummaging through my purse for my sunglasses, not wanting the carpool to see me choked up.
(Honestly, I’m not sure why I cry when I hear that song. I think I’m moved because it tells of a kid succeeding despite difficulty. If you haven’t heard it, listen here. I particularly like the end of this version.)
Anyway, one of the girls in my car (let’s call her Sally) has just revealed that she was once again the butt of a mean comment in PE. Everyone in the car feels her pain; unfortunately we’ve all been there.
Most of us use avoidance as our chief strategy for dealing with unkindness, steering clear of the mean person at all costs. But this strategy is neither practical nor effective, as it is often impossible to avoid a person completely and usually leaves us cowering in fear.
Fortunately, there is a better approach. From research on social and emotional well-being, here’s what I’ve learned about how to cope when someone gets nasty.
First, remember that you can control your response when someone does or says something mean. We may not be able to control much about our life circumstances, but with practice we can control how we respond to those circumstances.
I once got a horrible voicemail from a neighbor. In it, she called me a fraud and my blog a joke, and told me to stay away from her children. Though she seemed high-functioning to the outside world, she seemed pretty unstable to me.
My instinct was to fight back—to expose her craziness to the world, to tell everyone how insanely mean she was.
Sally had the opposite instinct around the girl who teased her in PE. She let this particular mean girl boss her around, hoping against hope that she would eventually relent.
Neither of these responses—attacking back or becoming a spineless doormat—are constructive ways to cope. The most effective response to meanness is compassion. Where there is meanness, there is often a lot of pain, both in the unkind person and for the person on the receiving end of a mean joke, comment, or email.
Take care of your own pain first. When I got the crazy-neighbor voicemail, I was shocked, and hurt (I cared what she thought of me), and, frankly, scared. Researcher Brene Brown, in her fantastic book Daring Greatly, advocates a response to a situation like this that I’ve been using instinctively since I was a kid: Before you attack back, let yourself feel what is going on. You can simply repeat to yourself, “Pain, pain, pain,” and breathe. Sometimes I have to say it out loud.
The key is not to deny what we are feeling, but rather to accept it. Take a moment to be mindful and narrate your emotions: This embarrassment is excruciating. I am so frightened right now. Hang in there with unpleasant feelings at least long enough to acknowledge them.
Often we don’t want to admit we are hurt by another person’s meanness; we want to let it go without letting it get to us. If you can do this, more power to you. But if you can’t, that’s okay, too. You will survive the discomfort of your hurt feelings. It is perfectly normal to feel bad when someone wounds you.
Once you practice this sort of self-compassion, take the next step: See mean people for what they really are—wounded and tiny and probably threatened. Frightened mice masquerading as roaring lions. When I suggested to Sally that her unkind classmate was probably insecure or threatened by her, Sally insisted that just the opposite was true. “She’s the most confident person I know!” The other kids in the car agreed.
But then I had them recall the last time each of them was a little mean to a classmate or sibling. How did you feel right before you did it? The unanimous answer: They felt small, or frustrated, or humiliated, so they did something that might make them feel big or important or powerful. We began to imagine what might have made Sally’s mean-girl feel threatened or small, and the kids came up with a dozen possibilities.
Finally, fight fire with water by sending loving thoughts to the people who hurt you. This is an advanced technique, but I can almost promise that it will make you feel better. I use a traditional loving-kindness meditation, and say things like “May you be happy. May you be healthy and strong. May you be free from suffering” while imagining the person who tried to hurt me.
When we send well-wishes to the hurting people who want us to share their pain, we are able to rise above their suffering. We regain our true power.
After all, it is only when mean people actually are happy and free from suffering that they will stop trying to take us down with them.
© 2013 Christine Carter, Ph.D.
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Author of Ziger the Tiger Stories, a health enthusiast specializing in relationships, life improvement and mental health. Read full profile
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Why are parties considered almost an obligatory activity for you to have a good time? If this question bothers you, then you will understand what truly makes a good night out — parties not included. There are loads of things you can do to enjoy yourself. Standing around trying to talk and socialize with the inevitable drink in one hand does not have to be one of them.
People look at you strangely when you try to tell them that you don’t like parties, that they can be exhausting and even stressful. In their minds, they only visualize glinting lights on glasses, people laughing, music, dancing, making new friends, staying up till the small hours of the morning and generally having a fantastic time. If they only knew what you have to go through to make sure that you avoid them at all costs.
If you don’t like partying, here are 10 things you can understand and relate to.
1. You are not a hermit or recluse
You have your own circles of friends and you are not particularly keen on getting to know loads of new ones. You also enjoy being with your friends for a night at the cinema or dining out in the latest ethnic restaurant. You are not a loner because you know the value of being in the company of close friends.
2. You have other ideas about having a good time
You don’t want to explain to anyone (and why should you?) that there are other ways of having a good time. Have they not heard about books, films, gardening, yoga, or swimming? Which commandment says “Thou shalt have a good time only at parties,” you wonder.
3. You want to relax
Parties are hard work, so forget about relaxation. When you are dragged kicking and screaming to a party, this is usually what happens: you see your friends and maybe chat with them. Nothing new there. Then, maybe you want to be a little bit more adventurous and socialize more broadly. So, you have to work out opening lines, think up interesting topics, and areas of common interest. Then there is the music, chaos, standing up for long periods, trying to get another drink, and finding a chair to sit on. This is exhausting and you wish you had never accepted the invitation.
4. You like your beauty sleep
It is wonderful to go to bed and sleep soundly. No getting home late, no mad searching for taxis, which by this point are as scarce as hen’s teeth. Nothing like your own nightcap, a warm bed, and zero worries about how many hours of sleep you’ll get. Sheer bliss!
5. You don’t like drinking
Why does everyone sort of frown when you say that you don’t drink? Is there some magical ingredient in alcohol which makes you a social and fun-loving animal? The joy of never having a hangover the next day is indescribable. Once was more than enough!
6. You feel like you’re taking an exam
Parties are like an examination in social skills. But this is supposed to be about having a great time, isn’t it? No way. Now you have to keep the conversation going and then you have to think of an exit strategy. You ask yourself why it feels as if your social skills are being assessed. You begin to feel like an alien because you have only clicked with one person in the last ten you have met.
7. You hate having to circulate
You think nostalgically about sitting round the dinner table with some close friends and having a relaxed chat. At parties, there is no such thing because you have to circulate. The problem here is that it is a hell of a job to find one interesting person to talk to. It seems that you have to keep mixing and circulating and sometimes you never find that person. You would have a better chance of winning the lottery.
8. You find parties rowdy and noisy
The noise level is usually unbearable as the lives and souls of the party get going. Miley Cyrus gets louder and people get drunker, rowdier, and noisier. This is another reason why you hate parties. You must have been crazy to accept this time. The next time, you will be at home watching the end of a really good film and maybe chatting about it with some friends.
9. You find quieter parties too intense
You know the ones, those smaller parties where people are intent on talking about politics, philosophy, and the greater questions of life. They break up into small groups and it is impossible to escape. But you already have your own ideas on these topics and are not prepared to give a TED talk late at night. These parties can get very intense and sometimes end with argumentative people getting heated. You want to curl up in bed, but you’ve already been trapped.
10. You are tired of the introvert and extrovert labels
You’re tired of having to explain that most people are neither totally introverted or extroverted. It is rather like a spectrum and you just happen to be nearer the quieter end of the scale. People are wired differently, so you wonder what the fuss is all about. In addition, you are not prepared to go to parties because you feel you should do so or because there is too much peer pressure.
Let us know in the comments how you escape parties and how you still manage to enjoy yourself!
Having someone be rude right to your face can be infuriating. When this happens, we’ll often give the culprit an equally ill-mannered reply or return their snarky comments. Reacting this way will have you thinking about the encounter for the rest of the day, obsessing over what you should and shouldn’t have said.
In these situations, we all want to be the bigger person. Being rude to someone who has been disrespectful to you makes you no better than they are. To be the best that you can be in these situations, this is how to politely deal with disrespectful people.
Take a Moment
When someone is disrespectful toward you, don’t react straight away. Responding immediately makes you far more likely to say something spiteful or immature. This can cause the conversation to escalate into a full-blown argument.
Take a moment to breathe before replying. Count to ten and then choose your words wisely. You’re unlikely to say something that you’ll regret later if you think before you speak.
Kill them with Kindness
It’s so easy to fight fire with fire. When someone is being blatantly disrespectful, we can often be quick to return it. This, however, is not the best way to deal with rude people. The only thing that you will achieve this way is making them feel dignified in their terrible behavior.
When someone is rude to you, be kind to them. Tell them “I’m sorry you feel that way” instead of telling them that they’re wrong or ignorant. By doing so, you’ll avoid adding fuel to the flame and force the situation to die down.
Understand Their Perspective
No one on this earth has gone through life saying only kind things. Even the nicest people in the world have been guilty of being rude at some point, no matter how courteous they normally are. During your life, you’ve been the disrespectful person in some situation at least once.
Try to understand where the other person is coming from. In most cases, they don’t mean to be rude to you. They’re probably upset about something else and are taking it out on you. Although this doesn’t excuse their behavior, knowing their reasoning can help you to react more calmly.
Laugh it Off
One of the best tactics that you can employ in a tense situation is to brush it off as if it were nothing. Rather than becoming annoyed or upset, simply laugh about how ridiculously the other person is behaving.
If you let someone’s disrespectful comments and rude behavior wash over you, you’ve succeeded in being the more mature person. You’re proving to them that their words can’t hurt you because you are too strong to take it seriously.
Sometimes, disrespectful people just want to be angry. No matter what you say or do, they will continue to fight against you. In times like these, there is no way for you to win by staying there.
Don’t waste your emotional energy on someone who won’t listen. Decide when it’s time to walk away from them and leave them to their anger.
It can be extremely difficult to deal with someone who isn’t showing you the respect that you deserve. Their negative energy can cause you to react badly out of anger. With a little effort, we can all learn to be a bit more patient in these situations and react with maturity and dignity.
How do you deal with disrespectful people? Share this article if you think that being polite is the best way to respond to them.
These people skills will help you stand your ground.
We all have to deal with a competitive person at one time or another. Whether it’s the neighbor whose holiday decorations always have to be more extravagant or the coworker who grabs the credit for every project, competitive people can provoke feelings of irritation, anxiety, or inadequacy.
You may end up questioning yourself or feeling that you didn’t measure up to their level of wealth, talent or accomplishment. Or, in an effort to compete with them, you may end up spending extra time or money unnecessarily.
Why are some people so competitive?
- Fragile self-esteem. Research studies suggest that there are different kids of self-esteem. Some people may have a secure sense of self, regardless of the situation, whereas others may have unstable or fragile self-esteem that varies depending on their last accomplishment or whom they are able to impress. When they are doing well, they feel great and even superior to others, whereas when they encounter setbacks, they tend to feel shame and self-doubt. This results in anxiety and vigilance around social status and performance. They have to keep comparing themselves to others to make sure they are measuring up and haven’t fallen behind.
- Scarce resources model. Some people have a model of relationships that is based on scarce resources. In other words, if you get something, there is less left for me. They have a survival mentality and may be jealous and controlling. The basis for this is often a deep insecurity about having their emotional needs met. They may have had parents who were critical, played favorites, or were unavailable or inattentive to their emotional needs. This model does not take into account the fact that humans are inherently social beings and that connection and cooperation with larger social groups can increase our personal and environmental resources. A scarce resources model reflects a kind of “black and white” thinking in that it divides people into separate categories and ignores common goals and experiences.
- Narcissism and sociopathy. Some competitive people may be pathologically narcissistic and self-centered, not seeing you as a separate human being, but more as a reflection or extension of themselves, a source of admiration for their accomplishments, a potential threat to their own success, or as an object to use or manipulate in order to meet their own needs or increase their resources. If they are also sociopathic, they may resort to manipulation, deception, intimidation, and abuse to neutralize or eliminate threats and competition. These saboteurs are the most difficult to deal with, particularly if they have power over you in a work or social group setting. These individuals tend to seek out positions in which they have power and control over others
- Competitive environments. All work environments involve some degree of competition. Healthy competition that is balanced with a sense of mutual respect and commitment to common goals can spur people to do their best work. However, if the competition involves nasty, sneaky, or otherwise ruthless behavior on an ongoing basis, this can undermine the health and performance of employees or group members. Research with animals suggests that those at the top of the hierarchy have better health if their leadership position is stable, but worse health if it is unstable. Constantly having to protect your position and territory against competitors can take a toll on the body and mind of humans as well. The current recession has resulted in fewer jobs and employment uncertainty that increase competitive pressures. Nationwide, we are seeing an increase in anxiety disorders and mental health problems.
What you can do
Below are some tips to help you cope with a competitive colleague, friend, or family member. The best strategy to use depends on what the situation is (e.g., friends vs work), the cost of not winning, and what you think are the person’s motives. There is no cookie-cutter approach that always works. You need to keep monitoring if your strategy is working and try a different one if it isn’t.
A competitive person at work who takes on extra work and responsibilities can be an asset to the whole team. Make sure that you have sufficient responsibilities to do your fair share and showcase your talents. If a team member goes beyond that, remember you have shared as well as individual goals, and praise their efforts. This may be what they’re looking for to feel more comfortable and secure.
A sneaky competitor who tries to sabotage you or take credit for your work requires a different approach. Watch your back and use passwords to protect your information. Keep detailed records of your contributions and make sure to let your bosses know what you have done.
You may also want to confront the person directly to let them know you are on to them. If this isn’t your style, let your boss know what is going on and steps you have already taken to address the problem.
This type of person may act friendly to get information out of you, so keep your guard up and minimize contact with them. Don’t let them get you to react; always be one step ahead. You may want to let other colleagues know about the situation and ask for their support.
With friends and family:
Generally, people who are competitive about their houses, kids, dinner parties, and so on are either insecure or arrogant and want to prove superiority. If they are the insecure type, praising their accomplishments and staying calm and friendly may make them see you as an ally or as less of a threat. If they are arrogant, you may want to speak up and toot your own horn as well or change the subject when they start boasting. Arrogant people tend to be narcissistic and status-conscious, so if you exude confidence and appear to have high status and accomplishments, they are more likely to respect you. If this isn’t your style, walk away and find a less self-centered person to talk to.
Try to figure out why this person is being competitive and what their needs and goals are. Also, see if there are any common goals that you can use to get them to work with you, rather than against you. Highlight the specific values and goals that you have in common, such as “We both want the best for our kids. ” etc. Also, be a team player yourself to help them see the benefit of cooperation. It may help to suggest specific ways you can work together, such as: “Let’s divvy up this job to avoid duplicating effort. What part would you like to do?” This strategy works better if the person can be trusted to do their share and not grab all the credit.
Whatever strategy you choose, be mindful of how this person may be triggering your own negative scripts and insecurities. Try to see the whole person and relationship, of which competitiveness may be only one aspect. Don’t personalize the person’s behavior or get too attached to making them change. This may be about their inner insecurities, not about you. Keep in mind the humanity that you share with this person and try to summon up compassion for both you and them. When you are centered and clear about who you are, difficult people become easier to deal with.
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How to have a productive conversation with your local alternative facts fan.
Holiday family gatherings are right around the corner, which means you may soon find yourself face to face with that one kooky relative who believes that Obama is a Muslim, 9/11 was an inside job, or NASA staged the moon landing. Is there anything to do in this situation except change the subject and pour another glass of wine?
And how about the less loony but still substantive disagreements about facts? Is there any way to breach the divide if you’re faced with someone who simply doesn’t accept reality in some important way?
Most of us view these sorts of exchanges as hopeless causes, but not Ohio State University behavioral scientist Gleb Tsipursky. On the blog Relatively Interesting he offered an in-depth guide to dealing with denialism, whether it’s the outrageous political variety or a more day-to-day case of someone who refuses to pull their head out of the sand.
Facts don’t win arguments.
To kick off his useful post, Tsipursky points out that while conspiracy theories might be fringe examples, denialism itself isn’t at all uncommon. One four-year study that involved interviews with more than 1,000 board members, found that, when a CEO is ousted, 23 percent of the time it’s because he or she was unwilling or unable to accept some basic aspect of reality. When faced with threatening information, people often stick their heads in the sand.
Knowing that you have company in your misery might provide some comfort when faced with a reality denier, but how do you actually confront one? Tsipursky’s first and most important bit of advice is to forget facts. The problem is almost certainly one of emotions, not knowledge.
He offers a down-to-earth example to illustrate: “At a company where I consulted, a manager refused to acknowledge that a person hired directly by her was a bad fit, despite everyone else in the department telling me that the employee was holding back the team.” Why? “Facing facts would cause the CEO or the manager to feel bad.”
And because reality denial is more about identity than information, throwing facts at the problem usually backfires. “Research on a phenomenon called the backfire effect shows we tend to dig in our heels when we are presented with facts that cause us to feel bad about our identity, self-worth, worldview or group belonging,” Tsipursky warns.
A better way (sorry, it’s not easy).
So if facts can’t convince denialists to finally see the truth, what (if anything) can? Rational intelligence won’t work but emotional intelligence can. Your goal, according to Tsipursky, should be to make it possible for your friendly local denialist to switch teams without feeling the fool.
“Your goal should be to show emotional leadership and try to figure out what are the emotional blocks inhibiting your colleague from seeing reality clearly. To do so, use curiosity and subtle questioning to figure out their values and goals and how they shape their perception of self-identity,” he writes.
First, build trust. You may disagree entirely with your conversational partner, but try to convey to this person that you share his or her bedrock values. Rephrase what this person is saying so that he can see that you understand where he’s coming from. In the case of the CEO who refuses to acknowledge a bad hire, you might convey that you too worry about the cost of recruiting. If your uncle won’t believe in climate change out of economic concerns, start by explaining you are also worried about unemployment.
Now, you’re all set for the real conversational ninja move — you need to show the other party that his beliefs are actually in conflict with his own values and goals, all without making him defensive. It sounds like a tall order, but Tsipurksy insists it is possible. Offering concrete examples of people who have changed their minds can help. So can suggesting that a person’s previous opinion was understandable given the information he or she had at the time.
Your goal is to get that reality-challenged CEO to see that while his worries about the cost of hiring someone new are valuable, he’s actually losing the company more money keeping on a non-performing employee. Your uncle needs to be nudged to see that, while you agree people matter more than penguins, climate change is horrible for both.
Will this work with a truly entrenched flat-earther? Is it worth the effort? The answer to both questions may frequently be no, but for less outlandish and extreme denialism, these steps could help you ease your batty aunt or stubborn colleague back into the world of reality, saving not only that person’s sanity, but your own as well.
People always come into our lives for a reason. Whether they bring a lesson, or a blessing. Whether they stay an hour, or a lifetime. You can tell if they are meant to be in your life, or if it’s time to let them go. Here are 10 signs that someone is meant to be in your life.
- You don’t have to hide any parts of yourself. You don’t have to ignore any of your values, likes, hobbies, ideas…etc. You don’t put each other down because. You accept each other’s differences and respect them.
- You allow yourself to be vulnerable. You don’t feel the need to keep up barriers and wear a mask. You let go, and you are in flow with them. You trust each other, and don’t use your past against each other.
- You can share the darker sides of yourself, and vice versa. You can be real and authentic with them. You can tell them your darkest fears, deepest insecurities, and your true dreams. All of this without judgment.
- They help you become a better person. You help each other see the parts in yourselves you don’t want to see. They show you things you didn’t know, teach you valuable lessons, encourage you to follow your dreams, and to listen to yourself. They move you to your higher nature, to your higher truth. You feel a positive energy, a higher vibration, when you’re around them. Keep this person. The energy, or “vibe”, you feel around someone is important in a relationship.
- You let go of your ego in their presence. You don’t feel the need to prove yourself, to only show your best side, to impress, or to manipulate. You feel at ease with them. Your emotions play a really important role in understanding someone else, and understanding yourself. You need to listen to your emotions. If you’re in your ego, if you feel jealousy, resentment, hatred, fear, pain, shame…etc, every time you’re with them, you’re around the wrong person.
- You don’t want to change them, and they don’t want to change you. You accept, and genuinely love each other as you are. You are proud of each other, and want what is best for them. There is mutual appreciation, respect and understanding.
- You have a connection with each other that goes beyond what is superficial. You are not only with this person for their job, status, financial means, looks, or an idea of them, and vice versa. You don’t allow these factors to determine your relationship.
- There is no competition between the two of you. You want the other person to succeed in whatever they do because you realize that their success doesn’t make yours any less. You both help each other grow into the best versions of yourself.
- You are there for each other in the bad times and the good. You respect their needs, and give them what they need without asking or expecting anything in return. That being said, there is reciprocity. A balance between give and take.
- You both have pure intentions. There is no using of one another. You help each other on your journeys and you both put effort into your relationship. You aren’t always the one to reach out. You aren’t always the one to drive and shape the relationship. You are equals in the relationship and you don’t take each other for granted.
Be mindful of who you surround yourself with, because these are the people who influence and shape you the most. You become the people you spend the most time with. If you aren’t around the right people, you’ll feel it. You aren’t living up to your potential and you are ultimately harming yourself. If that’s the case, let them go, and make room for the right people to enter and change your life for the better.
The other day, I was in the grocery store. I overheard a cart-bound little kid asking his mom question after question. “Mom, why do they put so many apples out at once?” he asked as they browsed the produce section. “Mom, what’s Ocean Spray?” he speculated from one aisle over.
His enthusiasm and investigative demeanor got me thinking about my own level of curiosity. After all, in today’s fast-paced, innovation-heavy world, what we know today might not be valuable to us in a few weeks, months, or years. And if we want to remain agile, we need to continue to seek out and explore new information, new mediums, and new opportunities.
We need to be more curious.
While it may seem like an innate desire, there’s actually a lot you can do to nurture and increase your own curiosity. From asking more questions to embracing the unexpected, the following tips are designed to help you become more curious.
How to Be a More Curious Person: 7 Tips for Becoming a Lifelong Learner
1) Ask every question.
Try as we might, it’s impossible to have all the answers, all the time. And while it’s easy to default to assumptions when faced with a challenging unknown, it’s better to work through knowledge gaps by asking questions.
When we ask questions, we’re creating an opportunity to discover new, useful information that can be used to challenge our existing approach, expand our vision, and spark fresh ideas. Questioning allows us to become more insightful.
“People who get insights see something that’s a little bit off, and instead of ignoring it, they’re curious about it. Curiosity keeps our mind engaged to work out the implications,” explains cognitive psychologist Gary Klein.
Don’t know what questions to ask? The folks at HopeLab, a research and development organization, created a series of questions for curious leaders. Designed to help people remain both present and open, these prompts promote the importance of curiosity when assessing a situation.
2) Consume content that’s outside of your comfort zone.
I never realized how much there was to learn about coffee pots until mine stopped working one morning. It’s funny the way that works, isn’t it? When we don’t have any initial knowledge about something, we’re not really curious about it . that is, until we have to be.
Back in 1994, George Loewenstein, a professor of economics and psychology at Carnegie Mellon University, suggested that curiosity does, in fact, require some initial knowledge. In other words, the more we know, the more we want to know.
So if you’re looking to become a bit more curious, you may want to try tapping into some subject matter you don’t know much about. Whether you focus on productivity habits, Egyptian pyramids, beer brewing or something entirely different is up to you. T he important part is that the content is unfamiliar — basic research will spur you to want to know more.
3) Listen without judgment.
“Curious people are often considered good listeners and conversationalists,” explains Ben Dean, Ph.D. in a newsletter for the University of Pennsylvania.
By suspending judgment, you’re ultimately allowing yourself to be more receptive to what someone is saying. You’re focusing less on what you’re going to say next, and more on the words and information they’re choosing to tell you — or not tell you.
So next time you’re having a conversation with someone, just listen. When you take the time to truly absorb what they are saying, it’ll be easier for you to formulate questions, warm up to new perspectives, and learn something new that you may have missed otherwise.
4) Embrace the unexpected.
Many people find themselves plagued by their own doubts, which causes them to miss out on new places, flavors, people, and experiences. But often times, doing something unexpected can trigger a chain of reactions — both positive and negative — that you can learn from and formulate questions based on.
When you’re busy worrying about the “what ifs,” you’re shutting yourself off from these types of unexpected opportunities. So go ahead, book that plane ticket. Go on that blind date. Say yes to the “chef’s special” at a restaurant — even if you’re not quite sure how to pronounce it.
Research reveals that surprise can actually drive our motivation to learn, so embrace the unexpected and celebrate whatever the outcome.
5) Try not to dwell on the past.
When you spend all your time worrying about the past, you don’t give yourself a chance to be curious about the future. So rather than worrying about what you could have, would have, or should have changed about your last assignment, try to focus on strategies for blowing your next project out of the water.
“The problem for many adults is that we stop being curious about new experiences and are instead focused on understanding what we’ve already been through,” explains David Klow, founder of Skylight Counseling Center.
What new opportunities are out there for you to explore? Is there anyone in your network who can help you get better at XYZ? What conferences can you attend to expand your understanding of the industry you work in? Focus on what’s to come, not what’s already happened.
6) Gamify learning.
If you tend to view learning as dull or tedious, you’ll probably find that training yourself to be more curious isn’t easy. As you would imagine, this is a problem that many teachers are forced to overcome when dealing with unmotivated students.
To inspire curiosity and excitement, many teachers have turned to gamification in the classroom. By gamifying lessons, they’re able to regain the attention and interest of their students.
Why does this approach work? Games make us “more curious, more determined, and more optimistic,” explains game designer and author Jane McGonigal. According to her research, games allow us to try — and try again — without having to worry about failure, which helps to motivate us to keep going.
If you’re having trouble staying curious about a subject, try turning your research into a game. Check out Quizlet’s game mode to brush up on subjects by completing challenges such speed tests and drag-and-drop matching games.
7) Change your perspective on a situation.
Rather than rest on your laurels when it comes to making decisions or planning projects, allow yourself to view the situation from the perspective of a stranger — or better yet, your buyer persona.
What would they suggest? What concerns would they have? What challenges do they face? Then, look at the situation through the eyes of your competitor, your boss, an industry outsider, etc. and continue the exercise.
“When we are curious about others and talk to people outside our usual social circle, we become better able to understand those with lives, experiences, and worldviews different than our own,” explains Emily Campbell, research assistant at UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center. More curiosity and empathy is a good thing — it can go a long way to making you a better marketer (and human).
What are your favorite tips for thinking more curiously? Share them with us in the comments section below.
Originally published Jan 7, 2016 6:00:00 AM, updated July 28 2017
If you find yourself looking over your shoulder, self-conscious, or fretful about how your actions will look to others, here’s some help to stop worrying.
We all want to be liked and appreciated for our many talents, our ferocious intelligence, our good nature, our sparkling personality.
But when we start to rely on what other people think of us, and we make their opinion pivotal to our success, we get into trouble. We start tailoring our lives to fit the expectations of others, and from there it’s a vicious cycle.
When we give over our power to others and allow that their impressions to become how we perceived, we lose out on who we really are. The only reality we can see is how we believe others see us.
Here are 15 sure-fire ways to eliminate the worry and free yourself to be yourself.
1. Focus on what matters. When you concentrate on what’s important, you think less about your individual role and more about the bigger picture. It takes the glare of people’s spotlights off you individually.
2. Remember, most people aren’t paying much attention. People spend more time thinking about themselves than thinking about others. If they’re expressing an opinion about your life, it’s probably not something they’ve given much thought to but just a passing thought.
3. Keep perspective. Another person’s opinion is often based not on your beliefs and behavior but on theirs. What’s good for them may be terrible for you, or vice versa. Be who you want to be from your own perspective.
4. You know best. Nobody else is living your life. They might have opinions or ideas, but the only person who knows what is best for you is you. And that means you need to learn about yourself through your own mistakes and failures.
5. Mind your own business. Stop asking people what they think of you. Stop worrying about their opinions–especially if they’re critical, unsuccessful or unhappy. Most of the time, the negative feedback is coming from negative people.
6. Desensitize your triggers. Are you too sensitive for your own good? Do you get triggered when people say things about you that you know aren’t even true? It’s easy for a sensitive nature to blow things out of proportion, but try to build the thick skin that lets you shake it off.
7. Stop overthinking. Overthinking can lead you to thinking you’re being judged even when that’s not the case–and even if not, it can set you down in your own way. Learn to recognize overthinking and replace it with positive thoughts.
8. Seek constructive feedback. For important decisions, you may want to seek out a few opinions from people you trust–and then forget the rest. Pick people who know how to give feedback that’s constructive and specific.
9. Don’t try to please everyone. It’s impossible to live up to everyone’s expectations, so don’t burn yourself out trying to do so. Please yourself and let the rest fall where they may. Some people may dislike you. That’s OK.
11. Opinions are always changing. Never allow the opinions of others to get too deep, because people can change at any given moment. If you’ve overinvested in an earlier opinion, it can leave you in the lurch when the person changes their mind.
12. Sow what you want to reap. Life is an echo; what you send out comes back. Too much worry about what other people think of you can become a self-fulfilling prophecy that eventually governs your behavior and thoughts.
13. Focus on the moment. When you’re fretting about what other people are saying or thinking, you tend to miss some very important present moments. Conversely, when you truly focus on the present moment, you tend not to worry about what will come later–including judgment. Accept yourself for who you are and be present in the moment.
14. Find a role model. Look to someone whose self-respect you admire to help point you toward your own. A guide can help dispel your lack of confidence and help you envision your best future.
15. Life’s is too short. The bottom line is we truly have this one life and life is short. Do you really want to spend even a few precious moments of that time worrying what other people think? To live a life where others tell you what you want? Or should you decide for yourself who we are and what you want and how you plan to go out and get it?
You must make a conscious effort to let go what other people think. It’s a skill that needs to be practiced, like meditating. But once you truly understand how to let go, you will see the world as entirely different.
People will love you, people will hate you, and none of it will have anything to do with you. Make your choices and live by those decisions, taking full responsibility for what you do and how you do it. When you do, you’ll gain the self-esteem you need and the power to give yourself what you want, without blaming anyone for your mistakes.