How to live a calm and relaxing life

How to live a calm and relaxing life

“Get out of your head and get into your heart. Think less, feel more.”

Osho’s game was to get people out of their heads. He wasn’t focused on world peace; he was intent on self-peace.

How do you get out of your head? How do you get more present?

For most of my life, I was stuck in my head. “Stuckness” was my primary experience. I always wanted to be somewhere else, someone else.

After years of quietly suffering and pretending to be happy, I came to understand that my stuckness was caused by numbness—physical, emotional, and spiritual.

Physically: I have been “out of my body” for 99.999% of my life—unless you’re talking about the heaviness on my chest, lump in my throat, and raciness in my head. I was constantly experiencing back pains and a general heaviness in my body.

Also, I felt inadequate and insecure in most of my intimate relationships.

Emotionally: I never felt good enough to speak my truths and share how I really felt. I blamed myself for feeling inadequate. The constant “trying to be someone” caused me to keep up multiple appearances and maintain many public versions of myself.

Spirituality: Because of all the lying, I didn’t trust myself. I felt like I betrayed myself and I felt guilty, thinking, I really am not good enough. When I was a child, in Israel, I was afraid of being punished by God. Later, in America, I was afraid of being punished by society. I wanted your approval so badly.

One day, I ran away.

I felt so scared and lost. I told my business partner that I would be back after the weekend, and my girlfriend that I was going to go set us up. I just wanted to get healthy and experience some peace in my life.

It wasn’t overnight, but eventually I stopped looking for myself. I found it by sitting in stillness and connecting with my feelings.

I paid attention to the patterns around when I disappeared from the present moment and more importantly, what would bring me back. I learned to cultivate presence, compassion, and courage—enough to eventually return and format my life around what I love: sharing presence.

Here are 12 reminders and suggestions that can help you get out of your head and cultivate passion and presence:

1. Remember that your thoughts and feelings are powerful.

Everything in your life is a response to your feelings. How you feel about yourself is how you shape your reality.

2. Stop trying to be somebody and start opening up.

Stop looking so desperately for answers and drop your need to know everything. Give yourself permission to explore and uncover what’s fun for you and what you really love. Stop mimicking other people and pretending to please them, and start opening yourself up to find what you love.

3. Create something new.

Most people are scared of trying and failing because we are told we are supposed to fit in to existing stories created for power and control. Use your imagination to create something new that excites you.

4. Be a model of truth and great possibilities.

Make it your mission to be a model of positive, fun, loving possibilities. The shortest way to get there is to express your deepest truths. When you serve as a model for speaking your truth, you let others know it’s okay for them to do the same.

5. Encounter your deeper story.

Everyone has a deeper story, something that they fantasize about doing if they could. What’s your deeper story? What do yearn and long for? Hint: You already know what it is; you just lack the courage to acknowledge it because you don’t think you’re good enough.

6. Experience your longing.

It’s a big leap to go from dreaming to realizing. Take a step to act out your longing and experience its unfolding. If you let them, your feelings will lead the way.

7. Recognize when and how you disappear from the present moment.

Know your insecurities and pay attention to your triggers so you can bring yourself back to the present before hurting someone else. It’s your job to maintain your positive space.

8. Know what brings you back.

What engenders a feeling of belonging and connection in your life? What stops the obsessive thought looping? Build reference points. That’s how you can always find your way back home.

9. Recognize that freedom is knowing what you love and letting it embrace you.

You already know enough. Stop looking for guidance and start formatting your life around experiencing what you love. Seek the experience and it will find you.

10. Remember that your gift is how you handle your insecurities.

When you do what you love, you’ll act on instinct, without having to put too much thought into the knowledge you don’t yet have. But that thing you love to do—that’s not your only gift. Your other gift is how you handle your insecurities and feelings of inadequacy, when you do get caught up in your head. This is what shapes your life and sense of belonging.

11. Take intentional actions.

When you set intentions and act on them, you create a natural flow. Directing that flow is how you shape your reality.

12. Consistently ask yourself: What is my relationship?

Everything is relationship to everything else. What is your relationship to yourself? You reality emanates from how you feel about yourself.

As life starts to get back to normal, our lives are becoming busier than ever! Whether moving work back to the office or settling into a more flexible approach to remote working, our homes are once again becoming our homes. And now is the time to reclaim our living room as the relaxing, safe space it once was to express ourselves, wind down and catch a breath from the crazy word that surrounds us. And, let’s not forget we want it to look good too!

So, for a space that feels as good as it looks follow our simple steps…

Neutral Shades

Bright colours are a terrific way to express our personalities, however bold and garish tones can create a stilted and unsettled environment. Softer, earthy, and muted shades can be much easier on the eye and will promote a calm and tranquil space.

When decorating with lighter shades and white, add dimensions to your living room with different textures. Layering fabrics, throws and cushions with subtle patterns in gold, tan or soft brown will keep neutral tones from looking sterile.

Natural Light

Natural lighting is known to boost productivity, improve our moods, and creates a peaceful ambience in our homes. Large mirrors are a fantastic way to double the amount of natural light in our living rooms. Strategically place these in dark reading corners and areas far from any windows – the result a light and airy space that will reduce stress.

Plant Power

From improving air quality to lifting our moods, bringing plants into our homes can enhance our overall health and happiness. A study by the Journal of Physiological Anthropology found that having plants in our homes can make us feel more comfortable, soothed, and natural. They can also reduce feelings of loneliness and depression, by nurturing a living thing as it grows.

Clutter-Free Living

Clutter can off-balance the peaceful flow of our living spaces, producing feelings of chaos and disorderliness. Keep ornaments to a minimum, instead display items that will bring you joy – such as family photographs and trinkets for past trips. Be sure to place these in areas you will notice every day, this will capture the eye and focus the mind during a hectic day.

Wicker baskets can provide a simple solution to store away extra blankets and cushions when not in use but will also be close by for movie night.

Happy Scents

A soothing aroma is a sure-fire way to relax and feel at ease, during the evening burn scented candles in your downtime or place fresh flowers in a high traffic area so you will smell their sweet scent each time you pass by.

How to live a calm and relaxing life

Post Updated on December 27, 2019

I have always been a homebody. There’s nothing that quite beats the feeling of coming home from a long day, changing into comfy clothes, and relaxing in my own little space.

Home is the place where I can fully be myself and let myself unwind. Over the years, I’ve learned that comfort is one of those things I truly value in life. I love to feel like I’m at home wherever I am, whether that’s in a hotel or spending the night at a friend’s house.

How to live a calm and relaxing life

I also don’t take for granted the fact that I have the means and ability to feel comfortable when others may not. For some, home might not always feel like a positive place. Others may not even know what home really feels like.

However, I think we all crave a place that make us feel safe and comforted. That’s why it’s important to make the space around you as peaceful and calm as possible, even if it’s just your desk or a corner of the room. After all, if your space feels overwhelming, you’ll probably have a hard time relaxing.

Once you know what things make you feel more comfortable, it becomes a lot easier to feel comfortable wherever you are. In this post, I’m sharing some tips and ideas for making the space around you as peaceful and zen as possible!

How To Create A Peaceful Space Around You

How to live a calm and relaxing life

Tip #1 | Clutter-Free

I like to say that clutter is the enemy of calm, so start out by decluttering your space. Whether it’s your living room, bedroom, desk or another space you spend a lot of time in, declutter to get rid of anything around you that doesn’t need to be there. Put stuff away and out of sight or make the commitment to permanently get rid of things. You can always check out my guide to decluttering your home for some tips!

Tip #2 | Memories

Spend a little time getting in tune with what makes you feel at home. Do you have any fond memories of places that felt calm when you were growing up? I remember always feeling comfortable at my grandparents house when I’d visit with my sister. Think about places that have made you feel comfortable in the past and try to infuse some of that into your current space. You could even put up something as simple as a photograph of the people who make you feel comfortable so you can remember them every time you look at it.

How to live a calm and relaxing life

Tip #3 | Life

Are you a plant freak like I am? Although I always struggle to keep them alive, I think plants add such a calming feel to a room. Aloe, snake plant (also called mother-in-law’s tongue), and jade plant are all relatively easy to take care of, and you can usually find them at IKEA for a reasonable price. Better yet, find some realistic fake plants and let them take care of themselves.

Tip #4 | Scent

Scent can have a powerful effect on the way you feel about a place. I always have a selection of different candles in my room because certain smells are comforting to me, and I’ve re-purchased this Balsam & Cedar candle many times because I love the scent so much. The same goes for essential oils. I often put a few drops of lavender essential oil in my diffuser before bed to help me unwind. Adding some calming scents to your space is a great idea when you need to relax. Check out my essential oil recipe post here for some inspiration.

How to live a calm and relaxing life

Tip #5 | Color

Color can make a huge difference in the mood of your space. I personally like a white, minimalistic look with pops of green (from the plants!) and pink because it makes me feel calmer. You might find that colors like blue or gray calm you down. On the other hand, maybe you prefer bright colors because they put you in a good mood. Think about the types of colors that make you feel good and try adding more of them them into your space.

Tip #6 | Sound

Music is one of the most comforting things out there. If you agree, find a great playlist that you can put on when you get home and use that as a tool to unwind. Another thing you might not recognize as comforting is the sound of other people (as long as they’re not people you don’t like. Ha!). I’ll admit that I feel comforted by the sound of people talking, so often I’ll turn on a podcast or YouTube video and leave it playing in the background if I’m home alone.

How to live a calm and relaxing life

Tip #7 | Warmth

If you’ve been following me for any amount of time, you’ll know I’m a massive fan of tea. Not only do I drink it all the time because it tastes good, I also drink it because the act of drinking something warm is comforting to me (without the added sugar of other drinks). There’s something so peaceful about the process of brewing a cup of tea and sipping on it slowly, whether I’m at my desk, in bed, or on the go. Think about ways that you can add warmth to your space, whether it’s drinking tea or hot chocolate, or maybe even something as simple as changing into warm and cozy socks at the end of the day.

What makes you feel at home?

Use these ideas as encouragement to get in tune with what makes you feel comfortable. That way, you can make yourself feel at ease whenever you get stressed out or wound up. The next time you’re away from home or feeling particularly unsettled, remember that there are plenty of ways to create a peaceful space around you!

I want to live a quiet life. In fact, I’ve learned to love my own company, and mediocrity doesn’t bother me at all.

All around me is noise, people are everywhere and talking so loud. They’re making plans, discussing goals and all the while, I’m in the corner trying to disappear into a book. I feel uncomfortable in hustle and bustle honestly and I crave a quiet life. Is it wrong to wish they would all just go away?

What’s wrong with me?

Is there something wrong with me because I don’t like the chaos of large crowds? I feel best when there are few people, sometimes no one, and it’s quiet.

I adore the quiet life, filled with nothing and no one and everything is mine to do as I wish. I guess that’s a little drastic, but what I mean is, I don’t mind being alone. In fact, it’s the best time to read or write.

I love moving to my own rhythm and paying attention to the details that I deem to be important. It’s a simple life, only complicated by a few aspects that I pick for myself. My quiet life is warm and inviting, maybe not to others, but it stimulates me.

This is what happened when I forced extroversion.

I used to panic about the future. I would desperately try to save money, only to use the money for things like emergencies or important events. I used to have a goal in mind, a degree that I fought for and a legacy to leave behind. I tried to make as many friends as possible, go to parties and on dates. I also tried to keep up with the latest gossip, but that only made me sick to my stomach.

But now, I’ve let them slide, I don’t even use the degree that I earned – this is unfortunate. I know it’s a good idea to save money and I know I should use my degree, this is true. But you know what, I spent the money and I don’t use the degree, and I refuse to beat myself up for that. I am content with my mediocre life. I also don’t mind having a much smaller number of friends either. I don’t miss gossip and I don’t miss get-togethers, for the most part.

I accept who I am

I don’t need to be a fitness fanatic. I don’t need to wear a size 2. No, I believe I’m not concerned about this at all. I used to be. In my twenties, I kept a strict regimen of physical activities. I worked out every morning and even in the afternoons. I took supplements and competed with others at getting the least amount of body fat.

I don’t want to spend all my time pursuing amazing abs and a perfect butt. I don’t want to focus on my body and how others perceive the way I look. Honestly, I want to look how I please. I want to be happy with who I am, as I am if that’s what I want.

I also don’t want to be the neatest person alive, spending hours cleaning my house. I just want to be comfortable and enjoy life. Do you know what I mean?

I don’t want to care what others think!

And I don’t want to try too hard in order to meet lofty expectations. I don’t care if I’m in church every Sunday or meditate every day. Okay, enough of that!

This is who I am and what I want: I want coffee, then a walk. Sometimes I don’t want to take that walk, instead, I want to watch television for an hour. I want to do my job and not worry about whether or not I have on makeup or wearing a nice hairstyle.

When I work, I want to do what makes me happy, not utilize some degree I earned just to do what makes me miserable. I won’t share the degree title, but I will tell you that it wasn’t journalism or creative writing.

I want to wear pajamas and cuddle with my dog while writing this blog post. See, I just did that, and I am happy!

This is what I’m doing.

So, I’m making decisions in a different way. I am deciding for a quiet life. I want broken diets, spontaneous conversations and a relationship that promotes comfort and not control. I want soft breezes through windows right before the storm. I want cookie dough, music in the shower, puppies, kittens, naps and warm sunshine on my skin. I want artistic expression and not something that I have no interest in.

Simulation is also not that necessary

Since I desire a quiet life, I have no need for large crowds with boisterous laughter and animation. I don’t care for parties or concerts, neither do I choose crowded stores where I feel like I’m in traffic jams behind grocery carts in the aisles…whew.

And many people find this introverted preference abnormal. I think it’s just as normal as surrounding yourself with people. Yep, you guessed it! I would be leaning toward introversion with a bit of eccentricity.

I want a quiet life – a life filled with true happiness despite how others see me. I shouldn’t feel guilty for wanting what’s best for me. I shouldn’t feel guilty for missing boy scout meetings or eating the last cupcake. I shouldn’t feel bad for forgetting things and making mistakes.

I don’t feel guilty for wanting to live a quiet life, and nor should you.

I help individuals and teams increase their levels of performance, engagement, energy, and effectiveness at work.

How to live a calm and relaxing life

How to live a calm and relaxing life

We have had a number of weeks focusing on goals, success and preparing yourself for 2014. Now, I think it’s time to share some tips for finding peace in your life.

Life is all about balance. Being productive and achieving success is one half of the equation but there is an equally important other half and that is finding peace in your life. I’m pleased to introduce a lady named Solony who embarked on a journey of self-discovery in Kenya when she took part in a Meditation Fellowship. She believes that meditation has opened a new chapter in her life and now wants to share what she’s learned about living a harmonious life. Take it away, Solony!

How to live a calm and relaxing life

Enter Solony

Living in peace is about living harmoniously with yourself, others, and all sentient beings around you. Living in peace is both an outward and an inward process. Outwardly, it’s a way of life in which we respect and love each other in spite of our cultural, religious, and political differences. Inwardly, we all need to search our hearts and minds and understand the fear that causes the impulse for violence. In continuing to ignore the rage within, the storm outside will never subside.

While you will find your own meaning of a peaceful existence according to your beliefs and lifestyle, there are some basics that cannot be overlooked. Here are the steps which can help you to discover your journey towards living in peace.

1. Seek to love, not control others.

Ceasing to seek power over people and outcomes in your life is the first major step to living peacefully. Trying to control people is about seeking to impose your will and reality on others without stopping to see their side of things. A controlling approach to relationships will keep you in conflicts with others. Replacing a will to control with a broad approach of loving others instead, including their faults and differences, is the way to a peaceful life.

2. Find Your Inner Peace.

At least once a day spend ten minutes in a peaceful place, such as under a shady tree or in the park, anywhere where you can sit quietly without distractions. Without inner peace, you’ll feel in a constant state of conflict. Trying to fill your life with possessions or improving yourself by social climbing without stopping to value your inner worth will leave you perpetually unhappy. When you’re angry, find a nice quiet place to stop, take a deep breath, and relax. Turn off the TV and computer. Get out into nature if possible, or go for a good, long walk. Put on some soft music or turn down the lights. When you feel calm again, get up and go on with your life.

3. Moderate your convictions.

Thinking in absolutes and holding to opinions without considering the viewpoints of others is a sure way to live a life without peace. This type of extremist thinking usually leads to reactive, hasty, and driven behavior that lacks the benefit of reflection. This approach can easily lead you into conflict when other people fail to agree with your convictions. Remain open-minded and ready to review your understanding. It’s more rewarding because you’ll grow as a person and live in greater harmony with those around you.

4. Be tolerant.

Tolerance in all that you think and do will make a difference in your life and in the lives of others around you. Tolerance for others is about appreciating diversity, the plurality of modern society, and being willing to live and let others live too. When you fail to tolerate others’ beliefs, ways of being, and opinions, the end result can be discrimination, repression, dehumanization, and ultimately violence.

5. Be Peace.

A peaceful person does not use violence against another person or animal (that includes small obnoxious insects too). While there is much violence in this world, make a choice to not let death and killing be a part of your philosophy of living.

6. Reflection of thought.

If someone hurts you physically or mentally, do not react with anger or violence. Stop and think. Choose instead to respond peacefully.

7. Seek forgiveness, not revenge.

Live in the present, not the past. Dwelling on that which should have been and reliving past wounds will keep the negativity of the past alive and bring constant internal conflict. Forgiveness allows you to live in the present, to look forward to the future, and to let the past settle gently. Forgiveness is the ultimate victory because it lets you enjoy life again by making peace with the past.

8. Live in joy.

Choosing to see the wonders of the world is an antidote to violence. It’s hard to be violent against that which you see as beautiful, wondrous, amazing, and joyful. The greatest despair arising from wars comes from the destruction of innocence, beauty, and joy. Joy brings peace to your life because you’re always prepared to see what is good in others and the world, and to be grateful for the wondrous aspects of life.

9. Be the change you wish to see in the World.

Violence starts with your acceptance of its possibility as a solution. It’s within yourself that you need to stop violence and become peaceful. Change yourself before you can change the world.

At the end of the day, living in peace will be your own conscious choice. You’re free to choose your own path, but whatever way you go, keep in mind that all your actions will affect those around you.

Author Bio: Solony embarked on a journey of self-discovery in Kenya when she took part in Peace Revolution´s Meditation Fellowship. She believes “Meditation has opened a new chapter in her life” and now wants to share what she’s learned about living a harmonious life.

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As life starts to get back to normal, our lives are becoming busier than ever! Whether moving work back to the office or settling into a more flexible approach to remote working, our homes are once again becoming our homes. And now is the time to reclaim our living room as the relaxing, safe space it once was to express ourselves, wind down and catch a breath from the crazy word that surrounds us. And, let’s not forget we want it to look good too!

So, for a space that feels as good as it looks follow our simple steps…

Neutral Shades

Bright colours are a terrific way to express our personalities, however bold and garish tones can create a stilted and unsettled environment. Softer, earthy, and muted shades can be much easier on the eye and will promote a calm and tranquil space.

When decorating with lighter shades and white, add dimensions to your living room with different textures. Layering fabrics, throws and cushions with subtle patterns in gold, tan or soft brown will keep neutral tones from looking sterile.

Natural Light

Natural lighting is known to boost productivity, improve our moods, and creates a peaceful ambience in our homes. Large mirrors are a fantastic way to double the amount of natural light in our living rooms. Strategically place these in dark reading corners and areas far from any windows – the result a light and airy space that will reduce stress.

Plant Power

From improving air quality to lifting our moods, bringing plants into our homes can enhance our overall health and happiness. A study by the Journal of Physiological Anthropology found that having plants in our homes can make us feel more comfortable, soothed, and natural. They can also reduce feelings of loneliness and depression, by nurturing a living thing as it grows.

Clutter-Free Living

Clutter can off-balance the peaceful flow of our living spaces, producing feelings of chaos and disorderliness. Keep ornaments to a minimum, instead display items that will bring you joy – such as family photographs and trinkets for past trips. Be sure to place these in areas you will notice every day, this will capture the eye and focus the mind during a hectic day.

Wicker baskets can provide a simple solution to store away extra blankets and cushions when not in use but will also be close by for movie night.

Happy Scents

A soothing aroma is a sure-fire way to relax and feel at ease, during the evening burn scented candles in your downtime or place fresh flowers in a high traffic area so you will smell their sweet scent each time you pass by.

How to live a calm and relaxing life

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Here is a short article designed to introduce you to the topic of mindfulness. This notion stems from many ancient eastern philosophies such as Buddhism, Zen, Yoga, and Hinduism. As humans, it is our sincerest desire to be at peace with our inner dialogue and to love everyone and everything for the miracles that they are. Mindfulness is a powerful tool for cultivating this sort of life.

“Man suffers only because he takes seriously what the gods made for fun.” – Alan W. Watts

Be Here Now – The present moment is the only moment that we have. If you are continually dwelling on the past or the future, you cannot pay attention to what is. Being out of the now will affect the richness and quality of your life.

“Be there truly. Be there with 100 percent of yourself. In every moment of your daily life. That is the essence of true Buddhist meditation. That is why I like to define mindfulness as the energy that helps us to be there 100 percent. It is the energy of your true presence.” – Thich Nhat Hanh

Meditation – Like weight training, we must deploy a practice to strengthen our mind toward residing in the present moment. Meditation is the practice of focusing intently on the here and now. Usually, some object of meditation is utilised as a focus (Eg. breath, candle, or mantra). By cultivating a meditation practice during the first few minutes of your day, you will be more likely to be connected with your true inner self through the day.

“Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky. Conscious breathing is my anchor.” – Thich Nhat Hanh

Awareness – Mindfulness is an extreme sense of awareness. We can observe our thoughts and actions along with the feelings and emotions of others. By focusing on remaining in this center of consciousness, we can ensure that our efforts will not propagate suffering. We can realise the world for all of its beauty and wonder. We can recognise the miracle that it is to be alive.

“The mind can go in a thousand directions, but on this beautiful path, I walk in peace. With each step, the wind blows. With each step, flower blooms.” ― Thich Nhat Hanh

Letting Go – The root of suffering is in attachment. The nature of reality is that everything is transient. When we cling to transients our lives become like a ship in a stormy sea. When we let go, we can live from a place similar to deep under the sea. Like deep within the sea, deep within us is a place of stillness that is disrupted by no storms.

“Letting go gives us freedom, and freedom is the only condition for happiness. If, in our heart, we still cling to anything – anger, anxiety, or possessions – we cannot be free.” – Thich Nhat Hanh

Empathy – We as humans have the innate ability to feel and understand the emotional condition of another. Practicing mindfulness allows us to express understanding. Understanding will enable us to be kind to others as we know that we are all suffering to some degree and it is our purpose to reduce that suffering.

“Whenever you are about to find fault with someone, ask yourself the following question: What fault of mine most nearly resembles the one I am about to criticize?” – Marcus Aurelius

Compassion – Mindfulness allows us to live with empathy which is the seed of compassion. The human condition is to suffer, and mindfulness is the practice of reducing that suffering. By working on our internal pain, we can be sure not to propagate it all the while becoming caring and benevolent.

“For me, I am driven by two main philosophies: know more today about the world than I knew yesterday and lessen the suffering of others.” – Neil deGrasse Tyson

Practice – Like a muscle, mindfulness is something that we must practice at all times. Times in which we do not believe that we need to practice are the most important. It is easy to be mindful when the world around us is calm and tranquil. We must exercise sincerely in these times so that when the world around us inevitably becomes chaotic, we can remain in this internal place of stillness.

“For the things we have to learn before we can do them, we learn by doing them.” – Aristotle

Judgement – Underneath any manifestation of lack is judgment. Judgement allows us to put ourselves before others. It enables us to label things as good or bad, to be happy or sad. It allows us to blame instead of accept. Judgement along with attachment form the deep roots of all of humanity’s suffering.

“…for there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.” – Shakespeare

No Gaining – In the end, there is no gaining. We cannot take anything with us. We are here for a brief period. Any material things (life, money, possessions, friends, family, etc.) will vanish into dust and will become the raw material for the next cycle. Looking at the end is in no way a pessimistic view; this is clarifying. Death is around the corner, and in our society, we deny this in so many ways. We must face this fact to help us to stay genuinely mindful and in the present moment.

“The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.” – Mark Twain

No Guru – Awakening to mindfulness is a personal and internal shift. Ram Dass put it succinctly: “When you know how to listen, everyone is the Guru.” What you will find is that you only need as much help and knowledge as you think you do. When you realise the point is to live fully in the here and now accepting everything just the way it is, there is nothing else you can do.

“Muddy water is best cleared by leaving it alone.” – Alan W. Watts

Finally, as we begin to practice mindfulness, we will start to see ourselves for who we are. Keeping conscious attention on our automatic and unconscious reactions is essential. We often default to anger, jealousy, rage or guilt. Treat yourself with infinite love, patience, respect and awareness and these dark feelings and emotions will not be able to survive this light.

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Just before Oprah Winfrey launched her own show, she was asked what she would do if her endeavor failed. “I think we are defined by the way we treat ourselves and the way we treat other people,” she said. “It would be wonderful to be acclaimed as this talk show host who’s made it, but if that doesn’t happen there are other important things in my life.”

Winfrey’s show certainly did more than “make it.” It became the highest-rated daytime talk show in American television. In addition, Winfrey created a magazine and her OWN network. According to Forbes, Winfrey’s net worth is 2.8 billion. Prior to these successes, an employer told her that she was simply “unfit for television news.”

Winfrey represents a kind of steadfast ambition, an inner calm, rooted in the worth she knew she had despite others’ support or criticism.

Albert Einstein stated that, “A quiet and modest life brings more joy than a pursuit of success bound with constant unrest.”

A Biblical proverb from Paul instructs, “Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life. You should mind your own business and work with your hands…so that you will not be dependent on anybody.”

These statements are intriguing because they starkly contrast with the vision of success presented to us today. We’re taught that rather than an action being defined by its impact, a success or failure is only as great as the number of witnesses. This desire for outside recognition leaves us in a continuous loop of frustration rather than presenting us with a sense of accomplishment. It steals energy away from us fully pursuing our goals.

How to live a calm and relaxing life

In this atmosphere, we look frantically from left to right. We can brag and we can shout. We share others’ secrets and weigh in on breakups and engagements in an attempt to tear down and shift focus from our shortcomings. This kind of life can be exhausting, manipulative and cutthroat. It thwarts relationships we desire and the true achievement we long for.

The “quiet life” needn’t be silent or solitary; it simply finds contentment regardless of the noise around it. Rather than seeking validation, a modest person looks inward to cultivate growth. This stance eliminates the need to highlight others’ scandals and slip-ups. It takes focus away from competition with others, and calls us to think about the merit of our own actions. An increase in intentionality leads to both inward peace and outward progress.

Here are some ways to lead such a life:

1. Foster genuine and pure curiosity.

Our brains were designed to ponder, yet they are often pandered to instead. Take a step back from the media you are consuming: What’s the essence of what you’re ruminating on? Look for something to learn that expands your mind.

This desire for outside recognition leaves us in a continuous loop of frustration rather than presenting us with a sense of accomplishment. It steals energy away from us fully pursuing our goals.

2. Eliminate unnecessary talk.

Gossip goes beyond speaking poorly about another person. It could mean sharing personal information we were told in confidence. Are you discussing a co-worker’s childhood to avoid drawing attention to a misstep you made? Avoid using gossip as a distraction tactic or tearing down innocent people for your gain.

3. Seek purpose outside of validation.

Are bravado and volume truly more important than integrity? Are you focused more on how others’ are performing than actually learning your own craft? When you celebrate the process of your own growth, you will have more energy to devote to it.