What Is Confidence?
Confidence means feeling sure of yourself and your abilities — not in an arrogant way, but in a realistic, secure way. Confidence isn’t about feeling superior to others. It’s a quiet inner knowledge that you’re capable.
- feel secure rather than insecure
- know they can rely on their skills and strengths to handle whatever comes up
- feel ready for everyday challenges like tests, performances, and competitions
- think “I can” instead of “I can’t”
Why Confidence Matters
Confidence helps us feel ready for life’s experiences. When we’re confident, we’re more likely to move forward with people and opportunities — not back away from them. And if things don’t work out at first, confidence helps us try again.
It’s the opposite when confidence is low. People who are low on confidence might be less likely to try new things or reach out to new people. If they fail at something the first time, they might be less likely to try again. A lack of confidence can hold people back from reaching their full potential.
Believing in Yourself
Has someone told you that you’re smart? Funny? Kind? Artistic? A good student? A good writer? A good athlete?
When people praise us or recognize our skills and capabilities, it can boost our confidence — as long as we believe these good things, too. If you’ve ever doubted the good things people say about you, that’s the opposite of self-confidence.
To feel truly confident, you need to really believe you are capable. The best way to get that belief is through using your skills and talents — by learning and practicing.
Confidence helps us move forward to discover and develop our capabilities. When we see what we’re capable of and take pride in our achievements, confidence gets even stronger.
How to Be More Confident
Everyone can work to gain more confidence. Here are a few tips to try:
- Build a confident mindset. When your inner voice says “I can’t,” retrain it to say “I can.” Or you could also say, “I know I can learn (or do) this if I put my mind to it.”
- Compare yourself kindly. It’s natural to compare ourselves with other people. It’s a way to understand ourselves and develop the qualities we admire. But if comparisons often leave you feeling bad about yourself, it’s a sign to work on your confidence and self-esteem.
- Shake off self-doubt. When we doubt our abilities, we feel inferior, unworthy, or unprepared. That can make us avoid people and situations we might enjoy and grow from.
- Take a safe risk. Sign up for a school committee, volunteer to help with a project or bake sale, or try out for a team or talent show. Raise your hand in class more often. Talk to that cute kid in your science class.
- Challenge yourself to do something that’s just beyond your normal comfort zone. Pick something you’d like to do if only you had more confidence. Give yourself a little push and do it. Now that you’ve done that, pick something else to try — and keep repeating this same process. Confidence grows with every step forward.
- Know your talents and help them shine. We’re taught to work hard to improve our weaknesses. Sometimes that’s important, like bringing up a bad grade. But don’t let working on a weakness prevent you from getting even better at the things you’re good at.
- Do your homework. Study. Do assignments. Prepare for class, tests, and quizzes. Why? If you’ve been keeping on top of class work all along, you’ll feel more confident in tests and finals. The best defense against test anxiety and school stress is to keep up and do the work steadily.
- Dare to be the real you. Let others see you for who you are — mistakes, insecurities, and all. Insecurities are easier to move past when we don’t feel like we have to hide them. Embrace your quirks instead of trying to be like someone else or acting in a way that’s not true to you.
It takes courage and confidence to be real. But the more real we are, the more self-confident we become. Confidence builds self-esteem.
Keep At It
Confidence levels go up and down for all of us, even the most confident-seeming people.
If something shakes your confidence, show yourself some understanding. Don’t criticize yourself. Learn from what happened, think what you could have done differently, and remember it for next time. Talk about what happened with someone who cares. Then remind yourself of your strengths and the things you’ve achieved. Get back in the game!
One approach to great teaching is facilitation: decentering yourself. Standing to the side, out of the students’ way, and moving to more of a facilitative role of teaching. And one critical ingredient in such an approach is student confidence (for problem-solving, for example) and self-efficacy.
The primary difference between confidence and efficacy has to do with application. Confidence (which is more of a general and persisting belief about the self, applying to a variety of domains (school, athletics, relationships, etc.) This can also be parsed within an academic context as well: the belief that one is able to pass tests, participate in discussions, complete and hand in work on time, and so on.
Self-efficacy is similar, and can be thought of as confidence in a particular area. For example, a student may be confident about school because of a sense of self-efficacy about completing academic work, or forging relationships with peers and teachers. These “minor” episodes of self-efficacy can lead to increased confidence.
In the classroom, teachers obviously look for both: self-efficacy (I am capable of completing this task or project) and confidence (I believe in myself to finish tasks or projects in general), and realize the taut relationship between the two. Simply put, students that lack confidence or a strong sense of self-efficacy are far less likely to self-direct themselves in their own learning, or to fulfill a teacher’s requests (read this article, write this essay, solve this problem).
6 Signs You’re Creating Confident Students
A student’s own belief about their chances for successful attainment of a goal factor massively in their success.
Self-confident and efficacious students are able to persevere in the face of obstacles and challenges. In a classroom of 30+ students, the kind of interaction between student and teacher that reveals the dynamic and fluctuating levels of confidence and efficacy is difficult. But there are some signs you can look for that can highlight their growing or decaying belief levels about their own ability.
1. More students complete higher-quality work.
This one is the easiest to see. Students that lack confidence and self-efficacy don’t complete work, much less do so with “quality” (a troublesome word here that we’ll just leave alone for now). While a bit obvious, more students doing better work is a sure sign of confidence.
2. They ask better questions.
Students that lack confidence may ask about due dates, assignment details, or scoring criteria, while confident students, generally speaking will ask about possible extensions of the assignment, inquire about the teacher’s personal preference for resources, immediately start pitching thesis ideas, or ask questions that get at the “big picture” of the assignment.
3. They riff off of your ideas.
Confident students take your theories, stories, resources, and other academic fodder and run with it–perhaps even changing the assignment in the process. While this seems like a simple thing, shifting from “What does the teacher want me to do here?” to “What’s most interesting about this content and how should I respond?” is a critical change.
4. They want different feedback.
As students grow in confidence, they’ll want different feedback–something other than letter grades and quick notes-in-the-margins.
In short, they’ll want learning feedback that’s meaningful and personal to them. All students need this type of feedback, but confident and self-efficacious students are more likely to recognize their own needs, advocate for themselves, and establish a rapport with teachers that helps them improve.
5. They are pro-active and pre-emptive.
As described above, confidence encourages recognition, action, and general advocacy. While this could also be proof of an organized student, a competitive student, or a student being pushed to achieve by some extrinsic force, confidence can allow learners to look ahead, anticipate barriers, and be pre-emptive in their navigation.
6. They do things you don’t expect.
Good things–grow in ways you didn’t anticipate. Faster–or in different directions than you thought they might. Do different things with what they learn than you’d have thought of, because their journey is different and you’ve helped them travel their journey and not your own.
While the above aren’t necessarily proof of confidence and self-efficacy, little is. Even the most seemingly confident learner could be feigning these traits to mask insecurity and uncertainty. Ultimately the goal of such confidence is a comfortable learner that deeply understands content, rather than confidence for the sake of confidence.
The role of confidence and self-efficacy in learning is broad, but not fully understood. Neither can substitute for content mastery, but they almost always precede it.
Image attribution flickr user tanozzo and deapeajay; Are You Creating Confident Students?
Self-confidence is widely considered one of the most attractive qualities anyone can have. Studies claim that self-confidence can improve your chances of getting a job , help score you more dates than simply being attractive can, and even result in higher grades . Unfortunately, feeling confident in yourself is usually much easier said than done. Few people are blessed with the ability to feel good about themselves almost all the time, and even for them, it can sometimes take work. The good news is that it’s certainly not impossible, and the way to get there might just be to fake it ’til you make it. There are certain ways to trick yourself into feeling more confident, and we talked to a body confidence coach to learn them all.
INSIDER spoke with body confidence coach Michelle Elman . Michelle uses social media to share advice with her followers on how to feel more confident every day. Her Instagram page ( @scarrednotscared ) is full of inspiring quotes that aren’t cheesy, along with real photos of herself that promote body acceptance and positivity.
We asked Elman for her best tips for feeling confident and body positive.
Think about the days you did feel confident
Just like we all have moments where we feel down on ourselves, we also all have moments where we look in the mirror and think, “Dang, I look good.” On the days you’re not feeling super confident, try to remember that one time you did.
Think about how you felt and channel that energy. Michelle told INSIDER, “Ask yourself one simple question: ‘How would I be acting right now if I was feeling great?’ What would you be doing, how would you be standing, how would you be breathing?”
Try to get yourself into that mindset again, or at least pretend you’re there.
Adjust your posture
Amy Cuddy’s wildly popular Ted Talk from 2012 explained the way your posture affects how you feel, using “power poses” as a tip to increase self-confidence. Slumping can make you feel more sad, while sitting up straight and holding your head high can make you feel instantly more powerful.
Michelle told INSIDER something similar: “Changing how you are positioning your body tricks your mind into holding the emotion that you would hold in a more upright posture.” The next time you’re feeling particularly down, try correcting your posture.
Repeat a positive affirmation
Keeping a positive affirmation tucked away in your mind is always a good idea — pulling it out when you need it can help you feel good about yourself. Think of something that works for you. You can look for ideas online or just think up something on your own.
The phrase definitely doesn’t need to be complicated or long. Michelle told INSIDER, “When I feel scared, I say, ‘You’ve got this.'”
Simple as that. Repeat it in your head until you actually feel it.
Refuse to talk negatively about yourself
The main reason many of us don’t feel confident is that we don’t really let ourselves. We are, after all, our own worst critics. There are tons of things we say to ourselves that we would never even think of saying to anyone else (except maybe our worst enemies).
When you feel those thoughts coming on, actively push them away. Michelle told INSIDER, “I don’t actually believe in ‘faking confidence’ in that if you are acting and behaving confident, then you are confident. While me not talking negatively about myself led to this portal of confidence, and I, in a way, ‘faked’ it, it also wasn’t faking it because when you don’t vocalize those thoughts, those thoughts actually [decreased], so I actually was more confident.”
Every time you think something bad about yourself, immediately think of something good to counteract it.
- 1. Encourage assertiveness.
- 2. Be specific in your compliments.
- 3. Make your praise match reality.
- 4. Help her understand why she sometimes gets left out.
- 5. Encourage competence.
- 6. Encourage her to play sports if she wants to.
- 7. Don’t make assumptions about her strengths and weaknesses.
- 8. Encourage a healthy body image.
- 9. Prepare her for sexism.
- 10. Point out positive female role models.
Girls usually start off life at full steam. They’re the early talkers, the social butterflies, the A students. But somewhere between preschool and middle school, a confusing blend of new social pressures, greater expectations in the classroom, and mixed signals from society (“Do your best – but don’t draw too much attention to yourself,” “You can be anything you want to be – but looking pretty is your top priority”) can cause girls to fall behind academically or lose their spark.
Here’s what you can do to build your daughter’s confidence and resilience for the tricky years ahead:
1. Encourage assertiveness.
Teach your daughter to express her needs to adults and stand her ground with her peers. If another child is being mean to her, encourage her to say “I don’t like the way you’re talking to me.”
2. Be specific in your compliments.
When you tell your daughter how smart she is, it means much more if you use concrete examples. Tell her “You have a really good memory” or “Boy, you sure know your dinosaurs.”
3. Make your praise match reality.
A third-grader will know that she’s not a musical genius or the best artist on the planet, but she’ll appreciate it if you notice her improvement from one month to the next.
4. Help her understand why she sometimes gets left out.
Explain to your daughter that if she isn’t invited to every birthday party or to join every jump-rope game (and she won’t be), it’s not meant to be an insult. Explain that when another child says “You can’t be my friend,” it probably has more to do with that child’s bad mood than it does with your daughter.
5. Encourage competence.
Don’t be too quick to help your daughter with homework or chores. If she asks for help, ask her to try working through it for a couple more minutes on her own first.
6. Encourage her to play sports if she wants to.
Girls have more sporty options than ever before. If she wants to do gymnastics or play football, give her a chance to get in the game and find out what she’s capable of. Don’t decide which sports are right for her – she can figure it out herself.
7. Don’t make assumptions about her strengths and weaknesses.
Just because your child is a girl doesn’t mean she’ll struggle with fractions – or that she’ll ace reading tests. It also doesn’t mean she won’t want to go fishing or try out for Little League. Follow her cues to best nurture her strengths and work on improving her weaknesses.
8. Encourage a healthy body image.
When she asks the inevitable “Am I pretty?” answer her with an enthusiastic yes. When you praise her appearance, try to highlight her actions, too: “You looked so graceful at gymnastics today” or “Your eyes really shone on the stage.”
It can also be helpful for older girls to hear that models in magazines don’t look like real girls or women and that their photographs are altered to make them look thinner and more flawless than they actually are.
9. Prepare her for sexism.
Even today, some people think that girls can’t do some things that boys can. If you notice your daughter watching TV shows or movies where girls stay in the background while boys save the day, point it out and talk to her about how different things are in the real world.
10. Point out positive female role models.
Take every opportunity, when you’re watching the news or reading the paper, to show your daughter that women – senators, sportscasters, doctors, athletes – can do anything.
Reading books with strong female characters is one of the best ways to get the idea across without lecturing. If you can’t think of enough books like that, ask a librarian – they often have lists of books to choose from and can make recommendations.
Even if you aren’t feeling confident, nobody needs to know it. Confidence can get you many good things, so even if you really aren’t, there are several tricks you can use to appear as if you were.
Confidence is somewhat elusive. You know you have to be confident if you want to make a good impression in the professional world, but earning that confidence isn’t as easy as it seems. For some, confidence comes naturally, but for most, it’s harder to achieve–especially in unfamiliar situations or with unfamiliar people.
Rest assured that you aren’t alone, and remember one critical fact about confidence: In most situations, it doesn’t matter if you feel confident on the inside as much as it matters that you look confident on the outside. The goal is to appear confident, even if you really aren’t, and there are several tricks you can use to accomplish this.
1. Stand tall.
Take up space by standing tall. Keep your shoulders back, and keep your spine straight. This is going to offer you a host of physical benefits, including better breathing and better back support, but just as important, it’s going to make you look and feel more confident. People who slouch or minimize their bodies tend to be viewed as unconfident or uncertain. You can also practice the “power pose” technique before you enter the room by stretching your arms far above your head or putting your hands on your hips with your elbows wide. These “power poses” are experimentally proved to increase confidence, but you might look a little silly doing them during your event, so keep them as a preliminary ritual.
2. Make eye contact.
Eye contact is crucial for increasing your perceived confidence, and without it, you’ll appear scattered or inattentive. When you speak, look at your recipient’s eyes, or if you’re in front of many people, alternate between them. Even in a crowd, you should be making eye contact with the various individuals in your audience. It’s also important to maintain eye contact when the other person is speaking–the more you break eye contact or look around, the more indecisive or shy you’ll seem. Just don’t stare people down like you’re a serial killer–do take occasional breaks.
3. Don’t fidget.
Fidgeting is a major betrayer of low confidence, and most of us fidget without even realizing it. Different people fidget in different ways; for example, some people have a nervous leg-jiggling habit and others tend to wave their hands around in a flailing motion when they talk. You might also find yourself adjusting your standing position or nodding excessively. Instead, try to stand still and only move when it’s in an appropriate, deliberate way. This can be tough, especially if you aren’t conscious of your fidgeting habits. Practice speaking with someone you know and ask him or her to identify any peculiar quirks you may not notice about yourself.
4. Speak slowly and clearly.
Speaking too quickly or in a low tone of voice can make you appear less than confident. It also leaves you vulnerable to saying things you don’t mean or slipping up with verbal nonsense. The solution to these problems is to speak slowly and clearly. Take your time with your sentences–it will give you time to come up with better word choices and will make you seem more confident at the same time. Practice articulating your words clearly and in a loud voice so you’re used to the approach.
5. Allow silences.
There’s nothing wrong with a little bit of silence. Too many people denounce the “awkward silence” as the indicator of a bad conversation, but it’s actually a useful and necessary social tool. Use silences to your advantage; for example, you can end an important sentence with a long pause to let it sink in. You can allow a beat in the conversation between the other person speaking and you speaking to show that you really listened. Silences allow for consideration, and they show that you’re confident in your speaking abilities. Don’t neglect them.
6. Keep your hands visible.
Your hands say a lot about you, whether you realize it or not. Keep them visible and marginally active in the conversation. For example, you can gesticulate your words with a few deliberate actions–just don’t go crazy and violate rule number three. You could also use your hands to offer occasional moments of touch if the situation warrants it. It’s also important not to hide your hands by stuffing them in your pockets or folding your arms. Keep them visible to appear more confident.
7. Take big steps.
This one comes into play when you enter, exit, or move around in a room. Take wide, surefooted steps with every move, rather than quick, hurried, or frantic steps. Don’t be in a hurry to get anywhere, and remember to keep your body posture aligned. This slow, deliberate series of movements will make you appear confident, so much so that people several yards away from you will be able to pick up on it.
The great thing about pretending to be confident is that eventually, you’ll trick yourself into actually being confident. Like with good posture and conversational manners, the only thing preventing you from being able to implement these strategies regularly is practice. The more you practice appearing confident, the more naturally it will come to you, and the more confident you’ll look and feel. With your newfound confidence, you’ll be able to speak more articulately, command a more attentive audience, and be viewed with more respect by your peers.
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Growing up with a speech impediment, I was constantly in awe of confident people. Not only the way they talked but the way that they moved and made me feel when I was around them.
But it didn’t occur to me until much later that the one quality all my friends seemed to share was great confidence. I must have subconsciously chosen to hide behind them as a way to feel protected, to mask my own insecurities. After all, sometimes the safest place for the quietest kid to sit is behind the strongest.
Fast forward to age 23, when I did something really stupid: I got a sales job. Finding myself in this intimidating environment, I did what I always did and I buddied up with the most confident people in my office. It wasn’t because I grasped the strategic importance of allying myself with well-liked people, it was just out of instinct — find the most confident people and hide among them.
This recurring defensive move has turned out to be the smartest thing I’ve ever unknowingly done. And after decades of doing it, I’ve picked up on a few common characteristics that are consistent in confident people — and in the process — I’ve managed to boost my own confidence. Below are eight of those traits.
1. They avoid pressing their own agenda
The truly confident know they will get what they want out of life in due time. As a result, they don’t run around telling everyone they meet about their grand plans. Instead, they possess an “I can and will learn from everyone” attitude and enjoy nothing more than learning about the perspectives, thoughts, and feelings of the people around them. This is for the simple reason that they like people and they want to do good by them.
Next time you’re in a group setting, take note of who guides the conversation and how: Who asks the most thoughtful questions, and who listens more than they speak? Confident people don’t need to control a conversation. They know their own agenda; they want to learn about the goals, dreams, and passions of the people around them.
2. They proactively connect others
Confident people are givers and they are constantly on the look-out to help other people achieve their goals. One way they do this is by sharing their network and connecting like-minded people every chance they get. Not only that, but when it comes to introducing people they take the time to do so in a thoughtful way.
How do you feel when someone introduces you like, “You’ve got to meet Todd. He was the guy I was telling you about who has a knack for thinking outside the box.” Pretty incredible right? It’s much better than just, “Hey, this is my colleague Todd.”
3. They share their ideas freely
In addition, to sharing their network, confident people do not hog their creative insights. In fact, they freely give them away as often as they can.
How can I help Nick solve the problem he is facing? How could Lisa get more eyes on her project? What is Ian missing from moving his business from good to great? Confident people ask themselves these questions because they receive great satisfaction from helping people to reach their goals. Plus, they recognize that life is short, and the best way to see their ideas turn into reality is by giving them to other people.
4. They persevere intelligently
Confident people know what they want, and they have the gumption to keep fighting for it, even when the odds are stacked heavily against them. Then again, plenty of people do that. What separates the truly confident from the overconfident is their ability to seek out advice from people with varying points of view.
Not only that, but confident people aren’t afraid to change their minds when they are presented with a better alternative. It’s not a question of who’s right or wrong. If there’s a better idea, confident people adopt it, then thank the person for their advice and pay the favor forward.
5. They don’t get hung up on things that are outside their control
Confident people fight to get things right. But they also recognize that much of what happens in life is outside their control and they have an almost stoic resolve to let things run their course after they’ve done everything in they can.
Weigh the options. Seek out advice from people you respect from both sides of the aisle. Make a decision. Let things play out. Like most advice this is easy to say and hard to do — but confident people don’t shy away just because something is difficult.
6. Their verbal and non-verbal cues line up
Researchers have found that the congruence between what’s said out loud and what’s communicated without words is crucial for establishing trust.
Confident people understand the importance of this and when you’re in their company you’ll not only see that they’re being attentive, you’ll feel it— in the way they position their bodies and make eye contact. They lean in when they sense something means a great deal to you and they’re not afraid to give a subtle touch when warranted to show you that they truly care for you.
7. They don’t seek approval from others
Attention feeds the human appetite on some level for everybody, but the truly confident, as Kareem Abdul Jabbar once put it, just want “to play the game well and go home.”
I recently overheard someone say, “Surely you heard about what I did?” The crowd thinned out pretty quickly after that one. Confident people play for the name on the front of the jersey and deflect the most attention onto the team — or onto someone who went unnoticed. They know that sharing the spotlight is far more satisfying than going it alone.
8. They celebrate the success of others
If you know what you want and are on a path to achieving it, what’s stopping you from truly being happy for somebody who fought hard to achieve one of their goals?
Confident people take real pleasure in seeing other people succeed and recognize the importance of supporting others. They remember how they, too, are empowered by others at key times in their lives. After all, being truly happy for other people has this funny way of adding to your own happiness.
Perhaps the biggest lesson I’ve learned, though, is that while we all have fears and flaws, the key is not letting them get in the way of being you and going after what you want.
My friends taught me that, and in turn taught me the true definition of confidence: Taking care of your own and giving them the power to one day take care of others.
This article originally appeared on Medium.
By Indeed Editorial Team
Updated June 10, 2022 | Published October 7, 2019
Updated June 10, 2022
Published October 7, 2019
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Related: How to Be Confident in an Interview: Best 4-Step Strategy
This video shares 4 powerful tips you can use immediately to be more confident in an interview.
Having self-confidence can help you make a positive impression in the workplace, whether it’s with your interviewer, supervisor, coworkers or other people you interact with throughout your workday.
In this article, we will explore why self-confidence is important for your career and give you examples of how to develop this quality.
Why is self-confidence important?
Self-confidence prepares you to perform at your best in interviews, and later, when you’re on the job. When you approach an interview with confidence in your skills and personality, you focus less on comparing yourself to other candidates and place more emphasis on answering questions effectively and delivering prepared responses. With self-confidence, you can better demonstrate your ability to accomplish tasks and achieve goals in the workplace.
Here are some key benefits of self-confidence:
It improves your ability to problem-solve and think through solutions.
It improves communication with supervisors and colleagues.
It helps you overcome workplace obstacles and challenges.
It improves your overall work performance.
How to build self-confidence
Building self-confidence requires reflecting on self-perception and developing habits that will promote a positive self-image. Here are a few ways you can build this trait:
1. Focus on yourself
While you may be competing against other candidates for job opportunities, it’s important to focus on the qualities and experiences you bring to the workplace and avoid comparing yourself to others.
Consider listing all of your positive qualities, unique experiences and valuable skills. Recognizing your individuality can help you see the advantages of your particular experiences and perspectives.
Also, identify the goals you want to achieve in your career and current or future roles. As you prepare for an interview, begin a new job or complete your daily tasks, use those goals to remind you of what you want to accomplish.
2. Consider past accomplishments
Identify the goals you’ve already achieved and the ones you’re close to reaching.
For goals longer-term goals, list the steps you have to take to reach them and what steps you’ve already taken. These reminders can help you build confidence by recognizing your hard work so far.
3. Develop a positive self-image
Creating a positive view of yourself often begins by adjusting your mindset and limit comparisons to others. Start constructing a positive self-image by imagining yourself as the person you want to be. For example, visualize yourself in the position you are interviewing for, with a confident set of skills.
Once you have crafted a positive image of yourself, consider engaging in self-affirmation activities. Self-affirmation involves saying positive and uplifting statements to yourself to challenge whatever negative thoughts may be in your mind.
For example, if you are nervous about an interview, remind yourself of the skills and accomplishments you’ll bring to the position. In the workplace, if you take on a new project or apply for a promotion, you might use self-affirming statements like “I am qualified” or “I am a successful person.”
4. Confront potential fears
Face your potential fears by reflecting on what might discourage you from reaching your potential. For example, if you’re concerned about being able to answer all of the interviewer’s questions, practice answering questions with a friend or family member. If you’re nervous about meeting new people in your workplace, make it a point to proactively introduce yourself to people you don’t know.
5. Prioritize self-care
Make a habit of exercising, eating a healthy and balanced diet and getting plenty of sleep. Take time to do something you enjoy every day, like taking up an old hobby or starting a new one. Consider also finding ways to practice self-care while at work by stretching at your desk and taking brief breaks throughout the day.
In addition to maintaining strong mental and physical health, you should also prioritize your social health. Spending an evening with good friends or going to dinner with family can strengthen interpersonal skills that could help you work better with colleagues. You can also make an effort to invite coworkers out for social gatherings to improve your work relationships.
6. Rethink rejection
Rejection is sometimes part of the interview process, but adjusting your view of rejection can help you have confidence as you approach future interviews. If you are not offered one job, try to focus on the ways in which you excelled in the interview. Perhaps you had confident posture and answered a tough question thoughtfully. You can also view this “no” as a learning opportunity to better understand how you can improve your interviewing skills. Consider reaching out to the hiring manager to thank them for their time and consideration as well as to ask for constructive feedback.
Also, keep in mind that rejection isn’t usually personal within a workplace setting. Sometimes, you don’t get the job because the hired candidate had more relevant experience or skills. experience or character.
7. Surround yourself with positivity
Part of building and maintaining a level of self-confidence is changing your mindset. By focusing on positive things, from self-care to past accomplishments, you are reframing how you perceive yourself. Another important element in this change of perspective is surrounding yourself with positive messaging and people who encourage and support you.
For instance, if you have a coworker who is always willing to offer advice or help out with difficult projects, this type of positive attitude can make you feel like you’re not facing your challenges alone. In fact, just having someone in your life who will offer words of encouragement and remind you of how much you have already accomplished can be the inspiration to keep you moving forward with confidence.
Amy Morin, LCSW, is the Editor-in-Chief of Verywell Mind. She’s also a psychotherapist, the author of the bestselling book “13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do,” and the host of The Verywell Mind Podcast.
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If you have social anxiety disorder (SAD), you may struggle with how to look approachable. Perhaps you’ve never considered the signals that you send through your body language, or maybe you feel powerless to control your body because of your anxiety.
How to Be More Approachable
If you struggle to meet new people or join in the conversation at social gatherings, it might be that your body language is sending the message for others to stay away. How then can you improve your body language to appear more approachable? Below are ten tips to get you started.
- Smile. Although it is possible to overdo smiling, generally it is better to smile versus frown. Try to find things that genuinely make you happy or laugh and your smile will come across as natural rather than forced.
- Be Accessible. If you are constantly on your smartphone or buried in a newspaper, people will feel like they are interrupting you. Make sure that you are accessible and open to communication from others.
- Avoid Blocks. In the same vein, make sure that you aren’t using objects to shield yourself from others. At a party, hold your drink at your side instead of close to your chest. Keeping objects between you and others makes you appear guarded and closed.
- Keep Your Head Up. It is hard for others to know to approach you if your head is constantly down; they need to see your face to feel like you want to get to know them. Keep your head level when walking, meeting people, and during social situations.
- Use Eye Contact. When you do end up talking with someone, be sure to maintain eye contact. A good rule is about 60% of the time you should be looking in the other person’s eyes. Avoiding eye contact makes you appear untrustworthy or disinterested. If direct eye contact feels hard, try looking at only one eye at a time, or at a spot between a person’s eyes. They won’t be able to tell the difference.
- Angle Towards. Watch your feet, your legs, and your body; you should be angling toward the person you are talking to, not away. Any body language that makes you look like you are ready to “bolt for the door” means the other person will feel like you are just not interested.
- Avoid Nervous Habits. Even though you might be nervous, avoid the habits that go along with the feeling. Stop touching your face or playing with your hair. Don’t fidget with your pen or the change in your pocket. Keep your hands relaxed at your sides or use them to gesture when making conversation.
- Mirror the Other Person. Use this technique sparingly when appropriate. If you are in conversation with another person, mirror his body language to make him feel more comfortable; make some of the same movements that he does. Don’t overdo this strategy or it will become obvious what you are doing.
- Nod During Conversation. When listening to someone, nod to show that you are paying attention and interested. Doing so reinforces for the other person that you want to be involved in the conversation. One way to take the focus off yourself during a conversation is to plan to share what you’ve heard with someone else afterward. This will cause you to stay focused, ask questions, and summarize to make sure you understand.
- Be Positive. Beyond body language, always be positive. Say nice things about other people instead of mean things. Approach others and include those who seem to be left out. Be a positive person and you will attract other positive people to you.
A Word From Verywell
If you experience anxiety, it might feeling overwhelming to change habits that make you appear unapproachable. And there may be times when you don’t want to change for fear that you will be approached by someone who wants to talk.
Although it may feel unnatural at first, with the time you should start to feel more open and confident as a result of changing your body language. If, however, you still struggle to be open with others, it is best to seek help for your social anxiety. There are effective treatments such as medication and cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) that will make a difference in your life.
Conveying Confidence (Not Cockiness) When You’re in a Brand New Relationship
Confidence is everything, right? It’s a cliché piece of advice that gets tossed around from time to time, composed of three simple words. But when you actually put them into action, it’s a whole different story. Why? Because confidence is a loose term that comes in different forms and means different things to different people.
In the sense of dating, as you spark up conversation with someone new and those beginning butterflies flutter about, receiving advice to “be confident” will certainly leave you scratching your head with a few questions. Namely, what does confidence look like? How do you project it in a way that is attractive? Where does the line blur between being confident and being cocky (and how do you avoid crossing it)?
We reached out to dating experts to tackle these questions, one by one. Here’s what they had to say.
What Does Confidence Look Like?
While confidence is largely an attribute that each person has to define on their own terms, there are some generalizations that can be made about what it looks like in an overarching sense.
“Generally, confidence can be defined as a person that believes in themselves and believes they have worthiness,” says Frank Kermit, dating coach with franktalks.com. “If a person has confidence, they will likely display a willingness to put themselves in situations, including actions outside their regular comfort zone. Confident people fear not trying more than they fear the pain of failure and rejection.”
Another aspect of confidence, according to Kermit, is the willingness to hear others out, but not letting what other people think be the end-all, be-all in terms of your decision making. In other words, it is an attitude of utter belief, of saying to yourself: “Nobody else thinks I can/should do this, but I know myself and I know that I can achieve whatever I set my mind to.”
What’s the Best Way to Go About Building Confidence?
You’ve heard people talking about trusting the process, right? Well, the same can be said when you’re talking about building confidence.
As Thomas Edwards Jr., founder of The Professional Wingman, explains, there’s no faking it ‘til you make it here.
“I’m not a believer in faking anything,” he says. “Steph Curry doesn’t fake shooting threes. He practices. Confidence isn’t required for you to practice developing anything, including social and conversational skills, but it is a result of practice. The more you’re willing to practice, the fear stays around less, the confidence stays around more.”
If that’s not specific enough for you, Kermit outlines a three-pronged plan. The first step, he says, is about taking stock and asking questions: “Do you believe that you are basically a good person? Do you trust in yourself to do the right things? Do you trust in your own ability to treat the people you love with care?”
Being able to love yourself is a form of confidence, Kermit explains, and being able to recognize what you offer as a person is a good starting point. From there, it’s on to step two: defining boundaries. A person with boundaries “puts their own self-worth, and valuing of self, ahead of any concerns about trying to please others, or seeking the approval of others,” he says. “This is why discovering what your boundaries are is a necessary step to building confidence.”
The third step is taking action, which, as with confidence itself, is something that can come in many forms. According to Kermit, actively enforcing boundaries — saying “no” when you are uncomfortable with something, for example — is one way of taking action. Being decisive and sticking to your guns are other forms.
“Confidence comes from taking actions, and then reviewing the results of those actions,” says Kermit. “Then a person can evaluate if they are happy with the results of those particular actions.”
Confidence vs. Cockiness: Where to Draw The Line
Worried about coming off as cocky rather than confident? Edwards says the difference between the two comes down to knowledge, understanding, and consideration.
“You display confidence through courage, showing who you are and being willing to share things about yourself you’re not only proud of, but also comfortable making fun of, which showcases vulnerability, an attractive quality a woman looks for,” he explains. “What crosses the line is when you are more wrapped up in yourself than your date. That shade of arrogance combined with a lack of awareness and consideration of who you’re talking to can lean you closer to cockiness, which some women may not find appealing.”
For Kermit, the distinction has to do with who your behavior is for.
“Confidence is about how you feel about yourself,” he says. “Cockiness is about focusing on getting other people to feel you are confident about yourself. That need for a reaction from others is exactly the opposite of self-confidence.”
Actionable Ways to Exude Confidence
Coming across as confident and self-assured with a new partner is your objective, so what are some specific, actionable ways to make this happen? Well, there are a few. For one, Edwards recommends controlling your body language.
“Body language is the number one indication of someone’s comfort and confidence level,” he explains. You start from the head, making eye contact, smiling, keeping your head up, and work your way down, rolling your shoulders back, sticking your chest out, controlling your breathing, keeping your hands out of your pockets, and placing your legs shoulder-width apart. What happens is when you get your body to practice these postures, your mind will think, feel and behave confidently, as research has proven emotion comes from motion.”
Beyond that, Kermit says it’s about acknowledging what you offer a potential partner. You need to know your boundaries so that you can express or enforce them, if needed. Don’t be afraid to take initiative to get to know your partner (in turn affording them the chance to get to know you), and be as honest as you can. And never, ever be afraid of rejection simply for being yourself.
Sound easy? Of course not! But you know what else they say? Practice makes perfect.
It’s easy to spot cocky people. But the truly confident? That’s a lot harder.
I’m not particularly confident. Scratch that. I’m situationally confident: sometimes, very much so; other times, not at all. So I spend a lot of time thinking about how to gain confidence.
And that makes me wonder. In a world of “fake it till you make it,” how can you tell when someone is truly confident–in his or her ideas, plans, and self–and, just as important, that the person’s confidence is justified?
Better yet, how do you know when your sense of self-confidence is justified?
Unfortunately, I don’t have the answer, so I asked Dharmesh Shah, co-founder of HubSpot (No. 666 on the Inc. 5000 in 2013) and a guy who has met hundreds of entrepreneurs and invested in a number of startups, how he spots truly confident people.
Keep in mind confidence is not bravado, or swagger, or an overt pretense of bravery. Confidence is not some bold or brash air of self-belief directed at others.
Confidence is quiet. Confidence is a natural expression of ability, expertise, and self-regard.
I’m fortunate to know a number of truly confident people. Many work with me at HubSpot, while others are fellow founders of their own startups, some of whom I’ve met through my angel investment activity. But the majority are people I’ve met through my career and who work in a variety of industries and professions.
It comes as no surprise they all share a number of qualities:
1. They take a stand not because they think they are always right, but because they are not afraid to be wrong. Cocky and conceited people tend to take a position and then proclaim, bluster, and totally disregard differing opinions or points of view. They know they’re right–and they want (actually, they need) you to know it, too.
Their behavior isn’t a sign of confidence, though; it’s the hallmark of an intellectual bully.
Truly confident people don’t mind being proved wrong. They feel finding out what is right is a lot more important than being right. And when they’re wrong, they’re secure enough to back down graciously.
Truly confident people often admit they are wrong or don’t have all the answers; intellectual bullies never do.
2. They listen 10 times more than they speak. Bragging is a mask for insecurity. Truly confident people are quiet and unassuming. They already know what they think; they want to know what you think.
So they ask open-ended questions that give other people the freedom to be thoughtful and introspective: They ask what you do, how you do it, what you like about it, what you learned from it, and what they should do if they find themselves in a similar situation.
Truly confident people realize they know a lot, but they wish they knew more, and they know the only way to learn more is to listen more.
3. They duck the spotlight so it shines on others. Perhaps it’s true they did the bulk of the work. Perhaps they really did overcome the major obstacles. Perhaps it’s true they turned a collection of disparate individuals into an incredibly high-performance team.
Truly confident people don’t care–at least they don’t show it. (Inside they’re proud, as well they should be.) Truly confident people don’t need the glory; they know what they’ve achieved.
They don’t need the validation of others, because true validation comes from within.
So they stand back and celebrate their accomplishments through others. They stand back and let others shine–a confidence boost that helps those people become truly confident, too.
4. They freely ask for help. Many people feel asking for help is a sign of weakness; implicit in the request is a lack of knowledge, skill, or experience.
Confident people are secure enough to admit a weakness. So they often ask others for help, not only because they are secure enough to admit they need help but also because they know that when they seek help they pay the person they ask a huge compliment.
Saying “Can you help me?” shows tremendous respect for that individual’s expertise and judgment. Otherwise, you wouldn’t ask.
5. They think, “Why not me?” Many people feel they have to wait: to be promoted, to be hired, to be selected, to be chosen–like the old Hollywood clichÃ©, to somehow be discovered.
Truly confident people know that access is almost universal. They can connect with almost anyone through social media. (Everyone you know knows someone you should know.) They know they can attract their own funding, create their own products, build their own relationships and networks, choose their own path–they can choose to follow whatever course they wish.
And very quietly, without calling attention to themselves, they go out and do it.
6. They don’t put down other people. Generally speaking, the people who like to gossip, who like to speak badly of others, do so because they hope by comparison to make themselves look better.
The only comparison a truly confident person makes is to the person she was yesterday–and to the person she hopes to someday become.
7. They aren’t afraid to look silly. Running around in your underwear is certainly taking it to extremes, but when you’re truly confident, you don’t mind occasionally being in a situation where you aren’t at your best.
(And, oddly enough, people tend to respect you more for this–not less.)
8. . And they own their mistakes. Insecurity tends to breed artificiality; confidence breeds sincerity and honesty.
That’s why truly confident people admit their mistakes. They dine out on their screwups. They don’t mind serving as a cautionary tale. They don’t mind being a source of laughter–for others and for themselves.
When you’re truly confident, you don’t mind occasionally “looking bad.” You realize that that when you’re genuine and unpretentious, people don’t laugh at you.
They laugh with you.
9. They seek approval only from the people who really matter. You say you have 10,000 Twitter followers? Swell. 20,000 Facebook friends? Cool. A professional and social network of hundreds or even thousands? That’s great.
But that also pales in comparison to earning the trust and respect of the few people in your life who truly matter.
When you earn their trust and respect, no matter where you go or what you try, you do it with true confidence–because you know the people who truly matter the most are truly behind you.
How to dress like a confident, in-the-know guy
Your driver’s license gives away your age. Don’t let your clothes do the same. Now is the time to start showing off the older, wiser, sophisticated man you are—starting with these essentials.
1. Find a suit that fits.
A little boy wearing a suit for the first time is cute. A grown man trying to pull off an ill-fitting rig is anything but.
You know the drill by now, so wear a suit that shows it. The first step: Learn the basics of How to Buy the Perfect-Fitting Jacket.
2. Invest in a great pair of jeans.
Finding that perfect pair of well-fitting jeans is worth the steep price tag. Look for three must-have qualities—a slim fit, dark wash, and sturdy construction—and you’ll be able to wear your jeans just about anywhere.
3. Upgrade your outerwear
You spend most of the winter months in a coat, so give it the attention it deserves.
Leave ill-fitting puffy coats to the amateurs—you need a sharp overcoat that slims your body with room for layering, so you’ll look sharp whether you’re wearing a suit underneath or just a pair of weekend “no need to put on clothes to get the morning paper” pajamas.
4. Buy nice shoes to wear with jeans
Rule No. 1 for upping your shoe game: Leave the athletic shoes at the gym. Instead, reach for a pair of leather chukka boots that pack style and comfort.
And keep them looking new with these tips on The Cheapest Way to Upgrade Your Shoes.
5. Know when shorts are appropriate
Shorts shouldn’t be banned from a gentlemen’s closet. Just know when to wear them.
You’ve got until Memorial Day to add fitted shorts that hit above the knee to your wardrobe. They’ll cut back on any hint of sloppiness to keep you looking sharp.
6. Upgrade your tees
Sure, there’s an emotional tie to each of your old fraternity tees, but they’re holding back your style. Make room in your dresser for a handful of well-made, solid T-shirts in neutrals like black, gray, and olive.
7. Match patterns with skill
As a general rule, aim to match patterns that contrast in size. That means pairing a fine gingham shirt with a tie in a larger plaid.
The resulting balance doesn’t clash and shows you’ve put some thought into your look.
8. Pay attention to the little things
Look at a guy with enviable style and you’ll notice what sets him apart often comes down to the accessories. Invest in a sturdy tie bar, cufflinks, and a versatile white pocket square.
Rest assured: People will notice. Here are 6 More Details to Make Her Notice You .
9. Find a leather bag
Toss out your logoed nylon messenger bag. It’s a switch your co-workers—especially your boss—will notice.
Replace it with a simple leather briefcase that’s label-free, so you can take all the style credit.
10. Press your dress shirts
You’re not in high school anymore, so it’s up to you to make sure your shirts are pressed and wrinkle free.
Make it easy by choosing a fabric with wrinkle resistance built right in, or use these 4 Steps to Wrinkle-Free Shirts.
11. Refresh your jewelry
When you put away the cap and gown, it’s time to retire anything that labels you as a student. This includes pooka shells, string bracelets, dog tags, and anything resembling a piercing.
Leather bracelets, like this from Giles & Brother , or a nice watch offer a solid replacement.
Follow us @MensHealthStyle for more style and grooming tips.
Take it from these chic street style stars.
Looking more fashionable isn’t always about wearing the coolest trends, mastering complicated styling tricks, or wearing the most expensive clothes. (Who has the bank account for that, anyway? Can’t be me.) It can really be as easy as loosely tucking in your shirt, throwing on a pair of sunglasses, or adding more layers to your look.
Pick two or three colors to base your outfit around (in this case mint green and off-white), and then go off that with your clothing and accessories—and even your makeup! You’ll look pulled together and elevated no matter what scheme you go with.
Pile on a bunch of different fabrics in one look—ribbed knit, snakeskin print, suede, silk, leather, etc.—and it’s super chic. You can opt to go bold with your color choices or keep them all in the same shade to make the texture mixing more subtle.
Go all out with color.
If you want your ensemble to have personality, forget everything you know about what colors “go together.” There are no rules! Combine neons, neutrals, pastels, and more into one outfit to make it purposeful and to stand out.
Wear a matching set.
This is one of the easiest ways to look chic. Any coordinating two-piece like a pantsuit, skirt suit, knit set, or even sweatsuit looks automatically fashionable. Then all you have to do is pick out your shoes and other accessories to go with it.
Pair a blazer with a graphic tee.
A luxe blazer over an edgier graphic T-shirt paired with jeans pulls off that “high-low” look. It’s an effortless ‘fit that’s both casual and dressed up, no matter where you’re heading.
Opt for monochrome.
Pick one hue and go for it! (You definitely don’t have to match your hair lol, but you can if you want.) This option makes getting dressed for the day wayyy faster since it narrows down your choices, and you can match head-to-toe without spending too much time on your outfit.
Wear your jacket on your shoulders.
Don’t think of your jacket as a jacket. Think of it as a cape with sleeves that fall by your arms. Especially going into transitional weather, it’s a simple way to wear a jacket that won’t make you overheat, but will still give you the coverage you want.
Layers, layers, and more layers.
The more layers you have, the less likely any one piece is to really make or break your outfit, so go crazy—e.g., wear a coat, over a dress, over a mesh shirt, with tights, like seen here. Basically, think of yourself as a fashionable onion. A bonus: This tip works well in the winter time when you need to bundle up anyway!
Change up your footwear.
Play with proportions.
A bra top with an oversized quilted jacket. An bulky top with cut-off shorts. Looking fashionable is all about varying proportion and leaning into contrast. Not just pairing big and small shapes, but also structured and soft textures, tight and loose silhouettes, and thick and light materials.
Don’t tuck in your top all the way.
Whether it’s a sweater, a tank, or a collared silk shirt, just grab that middle front piece, loosely tuck it down, and watch your style cred increase instantaneously. The less effort you put into the tuck, the better.
Slap a hat on it.
Fashion is all about making a statement and creating a well-defined look, and no other accessory does that quite like a good hat. Sure, some styles can be a little costume-y, but that’s kinda the point.
If you put on an outfit and it feels like it’s missing something that you can’t quite put your finger on, odds are it’s a pair of sunglasses. Even better if they coordinate with the rest of your outfit, like this lilac pair here. They’re also easier to put on than eye makeup, just sayin’.
Wear your cross-body bag in the front.
Pull that thing around to the front and show it off. You know it’s your favorite part of your outfit anyway. Another trick is to adjust it so that the strap is shorter and sits closer to your waist as opposed to the top of your leg.
Who Hasn’t Wanted To Be Cool?
W e’ve all wanted to be cool. But research shows that it’s not merely a shallow desire. Cool makes a difference in life.
For instance, charismatic leaders bring out people’s best.
If you’re a leader, or aspire to be one, charisma matters. It gives you a competitive advantage in attracting and retaining the very best talent. It makes people want to work with you, your team, and your company. Research shows that those following charismatic leaders perform better, experience their work as more meaningful, and have more trust in their leaders than those following effective but noncharismatic leaders.
But can we become more cool if we try?
Yes. Fake it until you make it works.
As Olivia Fox Cabane, author of The Charisma Myth, explains, attitude can be taught and improved:
The most commonly held myth that I encountered when first doing this research was that charisma is an innate quality, that some people have it and some people don’t and whatever you’re born with you’re stuck with. In fact, charisma’s a quality that fluctuates. It’ll be there one moment and gone the next. It’s also a very learnable quality. So, a lot of people who are known today as some of the most charismatic people actually learned charisma step by step.
So what is cool and how can we embody it?
If I had to sum up cool in a word it would be: less.
Cool doesn’t try too hard. Thing is, trying is very effective in life and especially in relationships. So what gives?
By not trying, cool people signal, “I’m so smooth, I don’t have to try to get what I want.”
As Olivia Fox-Cabane points out: James Bond doesn’t plead, smile or fidget. He speaks slowly and calmly.
Can you imagine James Bond fidgeting? How about tugging at his clothing, bobbing his head, or twitching his shoulders? How about hemming and hawing before he speaks? Of course not. Bond is the quintessential cool, calm, and collected character…
This kind of high-status, high-confidence body language is characterized by how few movements are made. Composed people exhibit a level of stillness, which is sometimes described as poise. They avoid extraneous, superfluous gestures such as fidgeting with their clothes, their hair, or their faces, incessantly nodding their heads, or saying “um” before sentences.
(More on the science behind why James Bond is so sexy here.)
Want to know a quick trick for getting people to like you? Assume they already do.
Yes, we all love confidence. Combine doing less with supreme confidence and you have the essence of cool.
Researchers gave people a course in charisma and one of the factors that produced results was acting confident.
It’s no surprise, but research shows self-esteem is sexy and looking stressed is not. For men, modesty can actually be a negative:
‘Modest men were not liked as much as modest women because they were viewed as ‘too weak’ for a man and because they were viewed as insufficiently confident and ambitious,’ the U.S. researchers wrote.
(More on how to increase confidence here.)
3) Know The Rules — And Break Them
People who are cool aren’t oblivious to proper behavior, in fact, they’re socially savvy.
But they deliberately break the rules when it benefits them.
In the paper “Coolness: An Empirical Investigation” rebelliousness was found to be a key component of cool:
The second factor, which explained a more modest amount of the variance, was comprised of five elements each rated as more cool than socially desirable. The elements of factor 2 either did not load on factor 1(e.g.,irony) or loaded in the opposite direction (e.g.,emotional control). Rebelliousness had the highest loading, and is arguably its most central theoretical element. This second factor better embodies the core construct identified as cool in the scholarly literature (Frank, 1997; Heath & Potter, 2004; Pountain & Robins, 2000). This factor presents coolness as more opaque, less active, and less engaged: coolness as detachment and camouflage. We termed this factor Contrarian coolness.
Why is rule breaking cool? Breaking the rules makes you appear powerful.
(More on how to appear powerful here.)
4) Focus On Attitude And Body Language Will Follow
Are my hands fidgeting? Am I biting my lip? Am I nodding too much? Is my speech slow enough? …That’s enough to drive you insane.
As Fox-Cabane explains, there’s no way to monitor and optimize what every part of your body is doing. It’s just too much:
In every minute we have hundreds of thousands of body language signals that are pouring out from us and broadcasting how we’re feeling and thinking to everyone around…
So how do we make our body language more cool? By feeling cool on the inside, our body language will reflect that:
The same way that athletes get themselves “into the zone” you get yourself into a mental zone of whatever body language you want to emanate. And that way it will cascade through your body from whatever mindset that you wanted to get. So it really is mind over matter in the sense that whatever’s in your mind will come out through your body language.
(More on how to read people’s body language here.)
5) Cool Isn’t Always The Coolest
Being cool may be a positive but don’t assume it’s the best attitude for all situations. There is no single perfect way to be.
Being distant creates intrigue but the power of showing interest in others has been scientifically validated over and over again.
Sometimes being an outright jerk pays big dividends. Ironically, so does vulnerability.
While seeming detached and calm has its benefits, so does being very enthusiastic.
Students exposed to Ceci’s enthusiastic presentations were much more positive about both the instructor and the course— even though everything else was identical. They perceived him as more enthusiastic and knowledgeable, more tolerant of others’ views, more accessible to students, and more organized.
(More on when nice guys finish first — or last — here.)
Let’s round it all up:
- Be Confident
- Know The Rules And Break Them
- Focus On Attitude And Body Language Will Follow
- Cool Isn’t Always The Coolest.
Now get out there and be cool… but don’t try too hard.
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This piece originally appeared on Barking Up the Wrong Tree.
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No matter how you cut it, first dates are usually preceded by a lot of nerves, at least a little bit of panic, and handful of jitters sprinkled on top. The stress sets in, and before you head out the door, you second-guess absolutely everything—including the outfit you picked out after frantically googling “what to wear on a first date” all day.
Listen up: when you’re dealing with first-date nerves, the last thing on your list of stressors should be your outfit. First dates aren’t the time to reinvent the wheel when it comes to what you’re wearing; it should be something you know you’re comfortable in, and we’re here to help figure out exactly what that is.
Whether you’re heading out on a daytime coffee date or have reservations at the cool, trendy new restaurant in town, stop typing out a frantic text to your group chat, and leave the outfit planning to us.
Do’s and don’ts
- Wear something you’ve already worn and know you’re comfortable in
- Break out your pieces you usually reserve for special occasions
- Think about what makes you feel the most confident
- Wear a brand-new piece that risks being uncomfortable, like needing to mess with a falling strap or digging-in waistline
- Try to dress in a way where you won’t feel like yourself
- Overthink it
Author, Artist, Founder of Women’s Wellness Weekends
Your style and the clothes you choose reflect and affect your mood, health, and overall confidence. Scientists call this phenomenon “enclothed cognition”, and Adam Hajo and Adam D. Galinsky, both professors at the Kellogg School of Management at Northwestern University, write in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, write that enclothed cognition “involves the co-occurrence of two independent factors — the symbolic meaning of the clothes and the physical experience of wearing them.” The researchers had subjects perform tests while wearing a lab coat like medical doctors wear, a coat like painters wear, and while not wearing either coat. They found that subjects’ sustained attention increased while wearing the doctors’ coats in a way that their attention did not increase while wearing the painters’ coats or no coats.
Similarly, Professor Karen J. Pine, of the University of Hertfordshire (U.K.) writes in her very short book Mind What You Wear: The Psychology of Fashion “When we put on a piece of clothing we cannot help but adopt some of the characteristics associated with it, even if we are unaware of it.” In the studies Pine conducted, as related in her book, one participant admitted, “If I’m in casual clothes I relax and am tomboyish, but if I dress up for a meeting or a special occasion, it can alter the way I walk and hold myself.”
That is what Lisa Stariha, The Body Empowerment Coach, tries to instill her in clients. She says it is so important to “Get up, get dressed, and never give up each day.” Stariha, who often works from her home office, knows how comfortable it can be to work in yoga pants and a cozy shirt. But, she says, “to feel more beautiful, confident, and strong, you must change out of the yoga pants and put on clothes that give you power,” just as Wonder Woman went from her Diana Prince uniform to her kick-butt Wonder Woman costume.
How important and empowering the right clothes, and even the right under garments, can be is one of the things my co-authors, Jean Otte and Rosina L. Racioppi and I mentioned in our book WOMEN Are Changing the Corporate Landscape: Rules for Cultivating Leadership Excellence. And Business Insider says that clothes don’t just affect your confidence levels, they can affect your success, as “clothing significantly influences how others perceive you and how they respond to you.”
In 2014, car manufacturer Kia took a survey of what makes people feel confident, a few of the things included in the top 10 list for women included: high heels, a little black dress, and designer perfume. For men, the list included: a freshly shaved face, a new suit, and a nice smelling aftershave.
Understanding the psychological dynamics of why the right-for-us clothing can contribute to our confidence, raise our self esteem, and help propel us in the workplace has become big business. Image, style, and branding consultants are hired by everyone from celebrities to the average Joe, with, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics more than 56,000 people claiming that as their occupation in 2014. Kim Peterson, of Uniquely Savvy, helps people champion themselves through personal brand and style analysis, body and color analysis, wardrobe analysis, personal shopping, and virtual style consulting for individuals, and more progressive businesses bring Kim in to do workshops for their employees on these self-empowerment topics.
So the next time you reach for those yoga pants or for that fiery red dress, ask yourself how will that clothing item make you feel and what is it saying to the world around you today?
Closer To Christ
A Message From Life Teen President Randy Raus
As the movement of Life Teen, we are outraged, saddened, and grief-stricken by the horrific deaths of George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, Ahmaud Arbery, and too many others, and by the division and violence across our country. We believe that racism is a life issue. It is a disregard for human life and an ongoing danger that must be met directly. As members of the Church, we are called to stand up against injustice so that we might not embrace indifference. As Catholics, we cannot turn our eyes away from these atrocities and still profess to respect human life. We serve a God of love, mercy, and justice. With that comes the responsibility to love, to show mercy, and to seek justice.
We stand committed to continuing this conversation with young people as we believe real change can happen, and that God is still working miracles today. We have previously developed a resource called “At the Table” to help you and your teens discuss this important topic, and we are offering it for free on our website at this time — https://lifeteen.com/cym/resource/at-the-table
We pray for an end to racism, and an end to the violence in the wake of this tragedy. We pray for comfort for grieving families and friends. We pray for peace across the United States. We pray that through these trying days, real change will happen.
Finally, we beg God to heal our deeply flawed views of each other. As Jesus said, “By this, everyone will know that you are my disciples if you have love for one another” (John 13:35). Let us love one another.
Mother Mary, Pray for us!
Life Teen President / CEO
What is Life Teen?
Life Teen is a movement within the Roman Catholic Church, Life Teen leads teenagers and their families into a deeper relationship with Jesus Christ and His Church.
Three Lessons from St. Gianna Molla
The extreme sacrifice she sealed with her life testifies that only those who have the courage to give of themselves totally to God and others are able to fulfill themselves.” Gianna’s situation is perhaps pretty unusual; even so, she has important lessons to teach us. So here are three things to learn from St. Gianna Molla.
A Great Challenge: Reaching Young Men
I thought about what a youth night or small group looks like in many parishes. I recalled conversations with youth ministers about how hard it was to recruit male core members and encourage male teenagers to participate in youth ministry. Most of our youth groups don’t look like that picture of the 90s grunge scene in Seattle, but they could. We just need to adjust our thinking about how we reach young men.
Holistic Self-Care as a Youth Minister
Not only did I fail at caring for my body nutritionally, but I’d quickly get lost in my day and forget to prioritize prayer. You guys! I had an adoration chapel steps from my office door, so what made it so hard to make the time to be with Jesus? If I didn’t hold myself to this perfect standard, I’d just let the ball drop more quickly. “Oh, I didn’t make it to the chapel last week, so I guess this is my new expectation of myself.”
Thousands mourned the 2009 death of Michael Jackson, but none more than his own children.
Two weeks after Jackson’s death, from cardiac arrest brought on by powerful sedatives, his three kids – Michael Joseph Jackson, Jr., nicknamed “Prince,” then 12, Paris Michael Jackson, then 11, and Prince Michael Jackson II, nicknamed “Blanket,” then 7 – fought back tears in a downtown Los Angeles sports arena filled with nearly 10,000 mourners.
In the years since that public memorial, the Jackson kids have had an unorthodox upbringing and weathered the squabbles of the sprawling Jackson clan but have done their best to lead normal lives.
“The kids live like Michael is constantly looking down upon them,” a family friend says in the current issue of PEOPLE. But Blanket, now 15, “has had the most problems adjusting after Michael died. He acted very lost and extremely upset.”
For more on the Jackson children and their life now, pick up the latest issue of PEOPLE, on newsstands Friday.
FROM PEN: Learn The Process Behind Time Selecting The 100 Most Influential People
In 2015 after reportedly being bullied for years, he changed his name to Bigi.
Although still “shy around people he doesn’t know,” he is now “confident” in his Los Angeles private school environment, focused on grades, sports, movies and hanging out with his friends and nearly 30 cousins.
It’s not exactly clear who is directly in charge of the teenager — whose mother was an unidentified surrogate — due to ongoing family disputes, but the 15-year-old lives at grandmother Katherine Jackson’s Calabasas, California, mansion under the custody of Katherine, 87, and co-guardian T.J. Jackson, 38, Michael’s nephew.
Michael’s relationship with his children is at the center of the Searching For Neverland, a May 29 Lifetime biopic which is based on the bestselling book about Jackson’s final years by two of his bodyguards.
No matter how smart and skilled your employees are, if they lack confidence that they can make a difference or that their voice will be heard, they’ll perform below their potential.
“My boss gave me this big new project and said he knows I’m the guy for the job. But I’m not so sure. I could use a sounding board, but I’m afraid I’ll look stupid if I ask for help. I’m not sure I can pull this off.”
“My manager is always telling me I’m doing great, but she never gives me any details. I’m not so sure. Quite frankly, I don’t think she’s really paying attention.”
“My boss says I’m his go-to guy. He’s always telling everyone how smart I am, but I think he’s got me pigeon-holed. If he really thought I was that good, he’d be expanding my role. I’m beginning to wonder about my future here.”
In each of these scenarios, the well-intentioned leaders were trying to build confidence, but their words aggravated the doubt.
Building confidence requires real conversation, not surface accolades. It starts by understanding what’s really going on. It requires getting into the muck and working a few levels below the obvious insecurity to understand what scares them.
The good news is that building confidence and competence go hand in hand. Confident employees are more likely to try new behaviors and approaches, which breeds creativity and more success.
These seven techniques will help you build a more confident, competent team:
1. Treat them with deep respect.
No one wants to feel like a project. Connect with them personally and really listen to what is going on. Listen to the verbal cues they give about their lack of self-confidence and then treat them like the high-performers you know they are capable of becoming.
2. Be specific about what’s right.
“You’ve got potential” will fall on deaf ears to someone who doesn’t buy it. Be as specific as possible with examples when giving praise. “When you said X, did you see the conversation change? You are making a difference.”
3. Have them teach others.
Take note of their very best skills and gifts, and have them share with others on the team. If they know they’re good at something specific, they’ll be more apt to have the confidence to speak about it with their peers. If they resist, start with having them help someone one-on-one and then evolve to bigger gigs.
4. Help them prepare.
Nothing builds confidence more than being the “smartest” guy in the room. The truth is, nine times out of 10, the “smartest” guy in the room is really the most prepared. Let them know that and ensure they do their homework by role playing the scenarios they’re most likely to face. The next time it will be easier.
5. Celebrate incremental improvements.
Have you ever tried confidence bursts? They’re like running or training bursts, followed by a period of “active recovery.” You can build more confidence and competence on your team by training them in intervals. It’s not the grueling hours, but the constant pushing on limits and stretching of competence levels that leads to growth.
6. Scaffold achievements.
Sure, throwing an employee into the deep end and having them figure it out may build confidence, but only if they don’t drown in the process. Far better to create a framework around them that provides support and check-ins along the way.
7. Encourage them through mistakes.
When an employee lacks confidence, even the smallest mistake will affirm their feelings of inadequacy. Help employees realize that failure is indeed a step to success. Teach them to “fail forward,” to make the most of their mistakes.
Yes, building confidence takes time and energy. It’s worth it. It creates long-term impact for the employee, for the team and for your company. Turning around confidence will rank high on your personal lifetime leadership achievement awards. No one will call it out, but you’ll know, and so will they.
It can be tempting to fall into a uniform of sweatpants and pajamas when working from home for an extended time. And while there’s something to be said for relaxing your style when you don’t need to adhere to an office dress code, some folks actually prefer to get dressed up to maintain a sense of normalcy.
As more Americans adjust to working from home while coronavirus spreads across the nation, TODAY Style consulted style experts and psychologists to see how the clothes we wear influence our mood. They’re breaking down the pros and cons of each approach and sharing a few tips for working from home to help you navigate.
It can be tempting to just stay in your pajamas all day while working from home, but should you? Getty Images stock
The argument to keep it cozy and casual
In general, most employers won’t care what you’re wearing when you work from home — as long as you get the work done. And besides, taking a few days to stay cozy can be good for your mental health, especially during these stressful times.
“We are all going through an unprecedented and stressful time in history,” said Rheeda Walker, a professor of psychology at the University of Houston and director of the school’s Culture, Risk and Resilience Lab. “If folks aren’t up for dressing for the cyber world as they would in the office, that is completely understandable. We can cut ourselves some slack if, mentally, we’re just not up for the pomp and circumstance.”
Getting dressed up for work normally helps us go through the motions and prepare for the day ahead, but establishing a new routine can sometimes free up more time and inspire productivity.
“On days when you do not need to interface visually with clients or coworkers, I think wearing your favorite sweats can feel incredibly relaxing and put you in the perfect serene mood to dive in and get a ton of work done with maybe a bit of extra time to meditate or do yoga somewhere in your day,” said Leesa Evans, a Hollywood costume designer and private stylist.
For many women, dressing down at home gives them more time and energy to complete other tasks. “It’s a time saver. Let’s face it: Most women spend at least an hour to get completely dressed. Sweats and leggings don’t even require ironing. So you can get an early start to your busy day,” said Mitali Saxena, CEO of fashion subscription service Fashom.
Like many of us, Amy Ankeles, 32, recently started working from home as coronavirus began to spread. The New York City resident has found some creative ways to look professional while also staying comfy. “My work from home style is lovingly referred to as a ‘work from home mullet’: It’s business on top and party on the bottom. And party to me equals ultimate comfort,” she told TODAY Style.
She lovingly refers to her work from home look as a “mullet.” Amy Ankeles
Ankeles puts on a top she’d regularly wear to the office, some earrings and very minimal makeup. To round out the look, she throws on some sweatpants and slippers on bottom. “This way, when I video conference with colleagues, I fully look like I’m dressed for the day. Little do they know I’m in half pajamas — except I tell everyone anyway,” she said.
The marketing professional is trying to keep a positive outlook and is embracing the work from home lifestyle so far. “I’m loving that I get to wear leggings or sweats and my slippers. And that I don’t have to spend time trying on different outfits every morning,” she said. “I’m nervous for when we go back to work, though, and I can no longer wear elastic waistbands.”
The marketing professional keeps things professional on the top and opts for a more casual style on the bottom. Amy Ankeles
The argument to dress for success while working from home
Adjusting to working from home can be challenging, and some prefer to dress up to somewhat maintain their daily routine.
“It may have been something you took for granted before, but getting dressed for work is something that helps us so much on a daily basis,” Saxena said. “Besides being a way to express your individual sense of style, getting dressed for work sets the tone for your day.”
Since your normal routine is interrupted when you work from home, it can help you feel more at ease to wear something a bit closer to what you’d normally wear at the office.
“Keeping a routine helps us maintain a sense of control and degree of normality in times when we are feeling a lack of control, which leads to stress and even anxiety,” professor Carolyn Mair, author of “The Psychology of Fashion,” said. “What matters more than the actual garments we wear is that they help us feel good.”
If you’re working while kids and pets are in the house, getting decked out in full-on boardroom attire might not be the most practical option. But something like a blouse and dressy leggings can be a nice transitional outfit. “Dressing pulled together helps us feel pulled together. Research has found that people feel more competent when wearing business clothes,” psychologist Cathleen Swody said.
You’re seeing double . but not!
While it might be true that every person is her own special snowflake, there is one thing that unites most humans: the need for vision correction. Some people wear this proudly, with glasses that they sport on a regular basis, while others keep it hidden away, bringing out their frames only when absolutely necessary. Either way, glasses can profoundly change the look of a person. Here’s what 10 people look like wearing their glasses and not — plus, how they feel about them.
“I don’t mind the way that I look with glasses. I have a thing about glasses looking good with my outfit and I don’t have the income to buy a bunch of different frames. I hardly ever wear my glasses. It feels better when I can see, which happens when I have them on, but I don’t like to wear them all the time because they slide off my nose. The thing is that I hate contacts. If my vision got worse, I would get Lasik.” —Brooke
“I normally wear glasses. I don’t like putting things in or near my eyes, so I stick with glasses for the most part. My older sister got an ulcer putting in her contacts once so that scared me for life. I like my glasses. I’ve never been embarrassed to wear them. They’re fun! I don’t wear a ton of makeup so glasses are a fun way to accessorize.” —Alanna
“I’ve been wearing glasses since I was in the second grade. There were a couple years when I would wear contacts only to play sports but they’d dry out my eyes. I think I look very weird without glasses — like my face is naked and incomplete. I also have terrible vision so I feel like I’m immobilized when I’m not wearing glasses. At this point, my glasses are pretty much a part of my face; on the rare occasion when I’m not wearing my glasses, I’ll still find myself trying to push them up like they’re a phantom limb.” —Heeseung
“I love my glasses! They’re Warby Parker. I only wear them at night though, because although my prescription is accurate, my glasses give me a headache when I’m looking at a screen all day. I can still see that my peripheral vision isn’t in focus, which doesn’t happen with contacts. If my vision sucked less, I would have a ton of glasses.” —Madeline
“I’ve been wearing glasses since I was in the third grade. I tried contacts in my teens for maybe a week or two but I hated it. If I lose the glasses, I become somebody else. Some people just seriously won’t recognize me. I like feeling like Clark Kent.” —Robert
“I only really wear my glasses before I go to bed every night. I like to wear sunglasses and I can’t wear sunglasses if I have my glasses on. When I think that I have a cool outfit that works with my glasses, I’ll wear my glasses. Sometimes it looks better — they can hide the bags under my eyes. I also have a chubby face and I think they can help my face look a little smaller.” —Danielle
“I had Lasik a while back but I need glasses to help with eye strain from looking at screens all day. They don’t fit with my headphones, which is annoying. Before I had Lasik, I hated wearing glasses and usually wore contacts, but now I don’t mind them because I don’t have to wear them all the time. I had been wearing them since second or third grade, so I was tired of them. And maybe I just had fit problems; they’re always sliding down your nose or pinching your ears. I’m also really messy so I get my glasses dirty really easily. I have to clean them, like, 800 times daily.” —Eliza
“I’ve worn glasses every single day since my freshman year of college, and I probably have about 15 pairs, including two pairs of prescription sunglasses. I feel self-conscious without my glasses, and I swear no guys ever liked me until I started wearing them. I met my glasses idol, Lisa Loeb, a few years ago, and she said the same thing about guys not liking her until she became bespectacled, which made me feel better. Maybe I wear them as a shield or facade or something, but they are just part of my face at this point. I don’t even own contacts.” —Lauren
“Sometimes I really love wearing my glasses, and other times not so much. I think they make my face look really different, but since I only use my glasses for some things like driving at night or using the computer, I don’t want to get contacts. Honestly though, half the time after I put my glasses on, I forget I’m even wearing them and leave them on all day!” —Megan
As for me? I don’t really wear glasses during the day. I’m letting my vanity show here by admitting that I feel uglier with them on. People seem to treat me differently when I have my glasses on, so for the most part, I leave them on my bathroom counter and only take my contacts out at night. But I wouldn’t say I hate my glasses. I feel a lot of affection for them, actually, even though I leave them abandoned all day.
“To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.”
Thich Nhat Hanh
From the time I was a little girl, people told me I was pretty, but I never believed them. Instead, I scrutinized myself in the mirror searching for ways to look better, not realizing that what I was really looking for was a way to be me and feel good about myself.
As I focused even more on my looks throughout my twenties, I became increasingly self-conscious and dependent on how others perceived me. If someone complimented me and gave me attention, I would feel confident, but if I went unflattered or unnoticed, I would return to the mirror in an effort to figure out why.
I had often heard the expression “what you are inside shows on your face.” However, I didn’t know what these words truly meant until one day at the age of thirty-five.
That day, I took another long look in the mirror and suddenly something clicked: My looks were not the problem—they never were.
Somehow I understood that what I didn’t like about my face had nothing to do with my physical features. It was something else, something within myself that was reflecting out and causing me to feel unattractive, ill at ease, and unconfident.
At that moment I knew there were two things I needed to do. The first was to stop staring in the mirror. The second was to look at what was going on inside.
A friend recommended meditation, so I gave that a try. I sat, breathed, quieted my thoughts, and shared my feelings in a nine-hour course, which I followed with a two-day silent meditation retreat.
It’s possible that a silent retreat may not be for everyone, but it was one of the most valuable experiences of my life. The two days forced me to meditate, reflect, and “be” with myself in an environment that did not permit social interaction, not even eye contact.
There were also no distractions, such as telephone, TV, books, or computers.
Was the experience disagreeable? Initially, yes. Was it painful? Sometimes, but it allowed me to bring forth a lot of valuable self-information and one remarkable realization: I became conscious of how unnatural I felt.
In the time I was there, I recognized that I was not uncomfortable in that setting because I didn’t know how to be with myself. I was uncomfortable because I didn’t know how to be myself.
This was also why I often felt unattractive and ill at ease with others.
I was frequently projecting someone who didn’t feel “like me,” and that projection habitually depended on who I was interacting with.
It was this realization that launched my journey to authenticity and the discovery of a beautiful me.
Slowly, I started to learn about myself and the things that make me happy, and I found that I had a rhythm. I could hardly believe it, but I actually had my own beautiful flow, and as soon as I began to follow it my authenticity started to build on itself.
I gradually began to feel less self-conscious around others and much more comfortable with myself.
For the first time in my life I started to feel well and beautiful—and it showed. I saw it in the mirror. My husband noticed it in my body language. He said I carried myself differently, like I had more confidence and ease.
Of course, many practices assisted me in my journey, but the ones that helped the most are the ones that keep me grounded in myself today.
If you’re also looking to feel more at ease with yourself, I recommend:
Honor your body
I can never say enough about how important it is to celebrate my body. Every day I thank it for all that it does, and honor its needs through thirty-minute runs, long showers, flossing my teeth, and drinking lots of water.
Make a list of the things you need to do to take care of yourself so you feel healthy and grounded, and then schedule them into your day. It’s easier to feel good about who you are when you make your needs priorities.
Maintain a healthy, positive mind
Along with running, creative writing has contributed greatly to my journey. It keeps my mind filled with positive thoughts, and so much of who I am comes out in the characters I write about.
I also love to read, learn new things, and travel to different places, even if just new areas or neighborhoods near my home.
What practices make you feel passionate and positive about the way you’re living your life? Doing what you love is an important step in loving who you are.
Maintain a happy, healthy spirit
Without inner peace, authenticity is fleeting. Consequently, I meditate daily and do my best to live where peace is found—in the present moment. I also make a point of watching a couple of funny movies every week.
Nothing helps my spirit soar as much as laughter. It helps me see the world through younger eyes and reminds me that, no matter what, every moment contains hope and possibilities.
Take time out to nurture your spirit, whether that means practicing yoga, walking on the beach, or simply relaxing. In order to be comfortable with yourself, you first need to be comfortable just being.
And always keep in mind…
Finding your authenticity—finding yourself—will help you feel your beauty. When you endeavor to be who you are and be true to yourself, you will automatically feel attractive and unique.
Also, it is important to remind yourself that beauty is never dependent upon the approval of others. Quite the contrary, beauty is very much self-defined and self-created. The only person who can ever truthfully tell you “you are beautiful” is also the only person who can “make you beautiful.”
You are the only person who can do this.
The power to be beautiful lies not in the eyes of others. It comes from deep within you.
About Mary Dunlop
Mary Dunlop is a passionate student of life with a keen desire to learn, share, and grow. She believes everyone has a special gift. Hers is writing. Her first novella, The Beauty of Twin Soul Love is currently being published.
With Tomodachi Life, Nintendo has created its somewhat relatable version of The SIMS. Players can not only give a unique look to their Miis, but also give them their unique personalities.
Tomodachi Life Personality
The personality of you Mii will determine how it interacts with other islanders in the game. The whole personality mechanism of Tomodachi Life is pretty easy to comprehend, but what your Mii will turn out to be is hard to tell.
How Personalities Work
Depending upon your Mii’s personality, it will fall in love, develop adversaries, make friendships, and be a talkative or shy personality.
There are four categories which are further divided into four categories which provide you with 16 unique personalities to choose from.
After choosing a specific personality, players will rate five distinctive traits which will determine how your Mii will play out with other characters:
- Movement (Scale from Slow to Quick)
- Speech (Scale from Polite to Direct)
- Expressiveness (Scale from Flat to Vary)
- Attitude (Scale from Serious to Relax)
- Overall (Scale from Quirky to Normal)
Below, you will find a chart containing all 16 personality types and their prominent traits. Make sure to check it out and personalize your Mii accordingly.
This personality revolves around a focused individual who lets no one stands in his/her way and achieves everything!
Characters with this personality are focused, ambitious, and don’t let anything come in their way.
This personality type are highly self-motivated with commendable knowledge on almost every subject out there!
Characters with this personality types are focused and highly productive. They can easily come up with a plan and execute it.
These are self-dependent philosophers who prefer thinking all the way through a thing before coming to a conclusion.
Characters with this personality type love to operate alone and does not work well with other people.
People with these personality type are self-motivated and creative. They are able to look for artistic qualities in everything and everyone.
Independent Free Spirit
They are not held by the boundaries of the society and like to do things they like. They are laid back and carefree.
These personality type people are energetic and have the ability to make the right decisions.
These people have the best personality of all! They are energetic and make friends without any effort.
These people are able to spend their energy in a positive way to entertain everyone alongside them.
These people know how to carry themselves and stand out in the crowd. People admire them and they know they have got it in them.
These people are often confused with being shy. They are relaxed and open-minded who are sometimes emotional and cannot see other in pain.
People with this personality type consider their friends the invaluable treasure and do everything for them no matter the consequences.
These people always hope for the best and preach hope to other. This is exactly why people look up to them during harsh times.
This is the last personality in the game and Mii with this personality type are always waiting for the perfect life. They are idealists and often ignore the ground realities.
Found anything missing or confusing? Let us know in the comments below!
Danyul Brown, who has dressed everyone from Paris Jackson to Bebe Rexha and Lottie Moss, weighs in on one of our biggest fashion dilemmas.
Julia Guerra is a freelance contributor with over six years of experience writing beauty, health, wellness, style, parenting, and food content. Julia’s career began in 2015 at Bustle as a beauty and fashion writer. From there, she moved on to BestProducts.com, where she launched the Hearst start-up’s beauty vertical as an editor. In 2017, she joined Elite Daily as a health and wellness reporter, and went freelance full-time in 2019. You can find some of her other bylines in publications like InStyle, INSIDER Reviews, WWD, MindBodyGreen, Shape, Eat This Not That, SheKnows, and more.
We independently research, test, review, and recommend the best products—learn more about our process . If you buy something through our links, we may earn a commission.
Even if you’re down for an adventurous fashion moment featuring Dua Lipa-like cutouts and thigh-high slits, not everyone is comfortable baring it all in sheer clothing. However, we do live in a time when revealing outfits aren’t necessarily risqué — they can be fun and playful while promoting confidence without a promiscuous undertone. It really all comes down to knowing what to wear under sheer clothing, which can help make see-through pieces look and feel subtle, rather than over-the-top.
As internationally acclaimed celebrity stylist Danyul Brown says, with the right undergarments and base layers, sheer clothing can have a place in any wardrobe — even ones that lean more towards the modest side.
According to Brown, whose clientele includes Paris Jackson, John Legend, Bebe Rexha, Lottie Moss, and Joe Jonas, among others, what you wear under sheer clothing will depend on two things: the occasion you’re dressing for and the type of sheer clothing you’ll be styling for said occasion.
So for anyone wary of unabashed transparency, here’s a quick guide to how to style sheer designs.
Under Sheer Tops
Typically, fitted tanks or lingerie (like a lacy bra or a sports bra) are the best choices for a see-through shirt.
“The base garment [under sheer tops] really varies depending on the vibe we are going for and whether the top has much detail,” Brown tells InStyle. If the top is detailed, Brown suggests sticking to basic undergarments — nude bras or tank tops — so the embellishment (think fringe, bows, or sequins) can have its moment. “If [the top is] simply sheer with no detailing, I like to create excitement and detail with using a bright colored undergarment.”
Under Sheer Bottoms
When styling see-through bottoms, Brown tells us that sophistication is key. High-waisted briefs are the stylist’s go-to, as the undergarment ensures both your stomach and bottom areas are completely covered.
Sheer bottoms can take your outfit to new levels so and so can wearing the right undergarments.
Under Sheer Dresses
When rocking a sheer dress, what you wear underneath depends on how much you want covered.
“Generally, a high-waisted brief is a common go-to,” says Brown. This bottom choice ensures your lower half will be covered, but you’ll still be teasing a decent amount of skin.
For significantly more coverage, Brown also recommends opting for a mid-thigh bodysuit: “It’s a great choice as it will create further excitement, [add] structure to the outfit, and is a more fashion focused choice.”
Of course, if you’re wondering what to wear up top, a bralette or even a simple cami will do the trick, too.
What Not to Wear Under Sheer Clothing
At the end of the day, you can really wear whatever you’d like under your sheer garments. Fashion rules don’t actually exist (clothes are clothes!), and as long as you feel comfortable and confident, our best advice is to just do you.
However, Brown does recommend skipping thongs under sheer designs, save for vacation-ready beach outfits. “It highlights the bottom area and diverts the attention away from what could have been a great look,” he tells us. Although, for some fashion lovers, showing off your body may be the overall goal, and in that case, we say go for it.
This is Ask the Experts, where our favorite fashion know-it-alls share their wisdom. Just because you can trust your style instincts doesn’t mean you should have to.