How to make boys want you

This article was co-authored by Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Kelli Miller is a Psychotherapist, Author, and TV/radio host based in Los Angeles, California. Kelli is currently in private practice and specializes in individual and couples’ relationships, depression, anxiety, sexuality, communication, parenting, and more. Kelli also facilitates groups for those struggling with alcohol and drug addiction as well as anger management groups. As an author, she received a Next Generation Indie Book Award for her book “Thriving with ADHD: A Workbook for Kids” and also wrote “Professor Kelli’s Guide to Finding a Husband”. Kelli was a host on LA Talk Radio, a relationship expert for The Examiner, and speaks globally. You can also see her work on YouTube:, Instagram @kellimillertherapy, and her website: She received her MSW (Masters of Social Work) from the University of Pennsylvania and a BA in Sociology/Health from the University of Florida.

There are 12 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.

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There’s no way to guarantee that every boy in the world will fall in love with you, but there’s a few things to get almost any boy to fall in love with you. The key is to be your best self and love yourself inside-out. [1] X Expert Source

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Psychotherapist Expert Interview. 11 June 2020. This wikiHow article will give you some guidance on how to catch a boy’s interest and keep him hooked while still remaining true to yourself.

How to make boys want you

Learning how to get a guy to like you and make a him want you bad can be quite easy if you follow these simple, sexy tips.

You may notice that you already do some of the flirting techniques and tactics naturally, but using just one or two is not enough.

If you really want to make him want, desire, and need you, you need to get good at doing all five. Here’s how.

Here are 5 sexy tips for women on how to make a man want you bad.

1. Have your own life.

Probably the most misunderstood and counterintuitive advice that I can give you is that you need to have your own life, but what does that even mean?

Having your own life means that you need to have your own interests independent of your man. These are things like hobbies, activities, and even friends that you are super-into, but that your man isn’t necessarily as interested in.

Having your own life like this is so important for a number of reasons.

You need to show your man that you really enjoy his company and presence, but at the same time, you need to let him know that you don’t need him.

Showing your man that you don’t need him will make him respect you more. If you desperately need him and drop your life for him, he will quickly realize that he doesn’t have to work for your love and respect anymore. When this happens, he will ultimately lose respect for you.

Women who have their own lives are infinitely more attractive to a guy.

Men are actually a lot like cats: when they can easily have you, they will just as easily get bored with you (much like a cat and a dangling piece of twine). But when they have to work hard to win you over, they will be a lot more attracted to you.

So when you have your own life, you will naturally be harder to hang out with and less available — perfect for making him want you a whole lot more.

2. Love yourself first.

I definitely don’t want to get all “woo woo” or spiritual with you, but you really do have to ask yourself this: “Do I love myself?”

When you think about it, how can a guy love and want you if you don’t even love and want yourself?

If you are not yet totally in love with yourself, don’t fret. There are plenty of ways to remedy it. If you feel like you aren’t in shape, you can always join a gym and start working out more. If you aren’t feeling that confident with your fashion sense, get in touch with a friend who keeps up with trends and ask them for advice or to go shopping with you.

The same goes for your confidence with talking to guys. The only way to get more confident is to practice more and more with male friends and co-workers.

3. Be fun to be around.

One of the key things to figure out when learning how to make a guy want you is being fun. I’m not going to lie and say that looks don’t matter; they do, but they only help to get your foot in the door.

You see, once you are talking to a guy, if you are boring, he will very quickly lose interest. However, if you are fun, he is definitely going to want to keep chatting and hanging out with you.

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So the next time you are seeing a guy you want, ask yourself, “Am I fun to be around?”

4. Flirt, tease and play with him.

Being fun is good, but being flirty is even better. Much better. Flirting, teasing, and messing with a guy is a fantastic way to spike emotions and make him see you as more than just a friend.

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The easiest way to flirt with your man is to think of how you might tease a little brother. You might joke that he was adopted, tease him over a way he says something, or even tell him that his favorite sports team sucks. You don’t really mean what you are saying; you’re just saying it to get a reaction.

Doing this with a guy is perfect for charging any conversation you’re having with him. Just make sure not to go overboard with it; otherwise, he might start to get frustrated that he can’t just have a normal conversation with you. Knowing how much to flirt comes with experience.

5. Be exceptionally good in bed.

The last piece of advice on how to make a guy want you is that you need to have great skills in bed to keep him lusting after you and to prevent the idea of being with other girls from ever entering his head.

Sure, you can learn literally hundreds of different sex positions to use, as well as how to talk dirty, but if you are really serious about keeping your guy wanting you, then you should start learning how to talk dirty to build sexual tension and turn him on.

How to make boys want youBy Hannah Orenstein May 17, 2016

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How to make boys want you

Unless you swipe a bottle of love potion from Hogwarts, you can’t make someone fall for you. But there are certain little moments that make a guy think, whoa, I want this girl to be my girlfriend.

1. When you make the first move. Even though times are def changing, traditionally, guys are still expected to approach girls and ask them out on dates. That’s a lot of pressure! A casual, “Hey, wanna get ice cream later?” proves that you’re brave enough to knock down outdated gender norms and bold enough to go after what you want, which is H-O-T.

2. When you embrace the things that make you unique. No one else has your exact same freckles or the same cute gap in your teeth or the same throaty laugh — these are the things that make you unforgettable. Your confidence is hot!

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How to make boys want you

3. When you bond over loving the same pizza toppings. This isn’t necessarily a sign he thinks you’re his soulmate, but it certainly doesn’t hurt. <3

4. When you make soda shoot out their nose. With your hysterical sense of humor, of course. Everyone loves to laugh, and who doesn’t want to date someone who makes them laugh all the time?

5. When you nerd out about something that’s really important to you. Whether that’s the YA author you can’t get enough of or the indie band that has only a couple hundred views on YouTube, your passion makes you irresistible. Those quirks transform you from just another girl. to the girl, the dream girl who will totally capture his heart.

6. When you can be silly in front of your crush without fearing his judgment. All those Snapchat selfies where you pull weirdo faces on purpose = you saying, “Hey, I’m cool enough to be myself, no matter what.” And confidence is sexy. Plus, it gives him permission to be himself without fear of judgment. Bonus points if you dance like this:

7. When you aren’t afraid to flirt. Whether it’s complimenting the way that t-shirt makes his blue eyes pop or greeting him with a flirty hug instead of a wave, guys love girls who are bold enough to flaunt their feelings.

8. When their dog loves you. Fluffy’s approval means the world to him. So, get on Fluffy’s good side with lots of head scratches and games of fetch.

9. When you offer to split the bill. Sure, he might like this move because it saves him a few bucks, but more importantly, it means that you like him for him, not the free food.

10. When you speak up in class. Voicing your knowledge and your opinions in class (or any other time!) proves you have a lot going on upstairs, and that you’re not afraid to flaunt it. Hey, it worked for Hermione.

11. When you get really animated while telling a story. Maybe you act out all the specific voices or do an interpretive dance to get your point across or whatever. Bottom line, you aren’t afraid to be you, in all your natural weirdness and excitement. It’s adorable.

12. When you remember the name of his favorite band. Or the name of the pet hamster he had in second grade, or the make and model of his dream car. When he knows you really, truly are listening and caring, it makes him see you in a different light. Everyone wants to feel important — showing him you listen and remember what he says is the most heartfelt way to accomplish that.

13. When you disagree with him. It’s much more fun and interesting to hang out with someone who challenges you rather than just agrees with everything you say. When you take a stand and hold true to your beliefs, he gets to see how passionate you really are and that you aren’t afraid to stand up for your beliefs. So, go ahead. Defend Mean Girls as the funniest movie of all time, even if you know he thinks it’s actually Superbad.

14. When you laugh at yourself. It’s much more fun to hang around someone who has a great sense of humor and doesn’t take themselves too seriously than someone who is so worried about how they look that they’re too afraid to be themselves.

15. When you can beat him at Call of Duty. He’ll never see it coming. and he’ll never be able to forget it, either.

Hannah Orenstein is the author of several novels, including Meant to Be Mine (out June 7, 2022), Head Over Heels, Love at First Like, and Playing with Matches. She’s also the Deputy Editor of Dating at Elite Daily. She lives in Brooklyn.

How to make boys want you

Who doesn’t like adoration, attention, pampering and spark in a relationship from her man? Every woman loves to get pampered. However, what happens in the real world is that after a couple of months, the spark fades out and the man stops doing things that he initially did to woo her. And that kills a relationship. Well, here is a good news for all those women who have been at the receiving end of this. Some experts say that there are men who also believe in long term lusting and spark. But to achieve this in your relationship, you will have to make conscious efforts to make him want you like he always has. If you make your man crave for you, trust us, no force in this world can destroy your relationship or steal your man. Because we feel you women, we have listed down eight tips that will make your man want you more, like never before. Let us warn you, once you start implementing these tips, your man won’t leave your side. Also Read – Video : Mercedes Benz Formula 1 commercials (video)

1. Call him by cute names often:

How to make boys want you

Also Read – Mercedes Benz Formula 1 commercials (video)

There is nothing sexier for a man than hearing his name cross his partner’s lips. Whenever you make a conversation, mention his name (whatever you call him) often. However, don’t make it too often. You need to know to strike the last balance. When love making, amidst all your moans, utter his name and just watch him get turned on.

2. Keep him guessing:

How to make boys want you

Another smart way of making him crave for you is not to tell him everything about you and your life. Keep him guessing about your likes, dislikes your life, secrets and so on. If he seriously loves you and wises to be with you, he will want to know more about you.

3. Touch him unexpectedly:

How to make boys want you

An unexpected touch has a different feeling altogether and it will take your man by surprise. For instance, reach his pockets for keys. This is a way of stimulating his nerve endings and creating a connection at a time when he is least expecting it. Whenever you are not around, he will miss moments like these and instantly will crave for you.

4. Small changes do make a big difference:

How to make boys want you

Bring in small changes in your lifestyle or the way you look. This will lead to more attention from your man. He will notice it and will love you even more. However the catch here is that you need to be sure of what he likes or will love and then make the changes accordingly. Your change should be different from your everyday look and that will grab his instant attention and interest. Like wear good lipsticks, get a haircut, wear a beautiful dress or tie your hair differently. These small changes go a long way to get your man’s attention.

5. Compliment him often:

Just like every woman loves to be desired, men too love the feeling of being wanted or appreciated. Make sure your compliment your man more often than not. Do not restrict your compliments to just his looks. Tell him how you appreciate him doing things for you or how you liked the way he dealt with a certain situation. Compliments like these will re-instill is self confidence and he will start loving you more. He will automatically do more things that he knows will make you happy. Even when you are around he will constantly think about you and ways to keep you happy.

6. Take him down the memory lane:

How to make boys want you

Include your good memories with him in your conversations. Take him down the memory lane and remind him of how you fell for him, what attracted you to him the most and so on. This will help you rebuild all the love rush that you experienced when you guys first met and will also instantly make him want you more than ever.

7. Give him ample space:

Men like to chase things that are no easily available. This is a general rule that applies in this case too. Give him space, so much that he just can’t resist meeting you often. Do not always say a yes to his date plans, sometimes a no will work wonders for you. This will give him more time to miss you and trust us, you will see him making more plans.

8. Smell good at all times:

How to make boys want you

Experts say that smell is one of the most primitive senses and thus if you smell good, it will directly travel to his brain from where it creates an emotional reaction. Also fragrances are always a turn on for several men. The next time when you meet your man, make sure you smell good. The smell will stay with him for a very long time and he will want to meet you more.

All these tips are sure to stroke your man’s interest. He will pamper you just like he did in those initial years of your relationship. He will want you more like you always wanted. Just make sure you follow these tips

Every Valentine’s Day, we ask kids about LO-V-E. More than 4,300 of you responded to our survey this year and one thing was clear: Liking someone — or having someone like you — can be soooooooo embarrassing. How embarrassing? Enough to make kids blush, hide in the restroom at school, or even feel like throwing up. Nothing romantic about that!

Here are some situations that make kids uncomfortable:

  • Getting a phone call, email, or note from someone who likes you.
  • Admitting that you like someone and finding out he or she only likes you as a friend.
  • Getting turned down after asking someone to dance.
  • Talking on the phone to someone you like and having your mom pick up the phone!
  • Hearing false rumors that you like someone or when people talk about how you like a certain person.

Most Kids Say They Have a Crush

About 80% of kids say they have a crush on someone. A lot of boys and girls feel private about their crushes, with 40% saying they keep their feelings quiet. But 60% said they talk to others about the people they like. This can lead to problems.

Nick, 10, said he felt embarrassed and angry when people started talking about how he has a crush on a certain girl. Brandon, 10, said he was embarrassed when a girl made fun of him and how much he liked her in front of the whole class.

It made Katherine want to cry when her best friend yelled out that she liked Ray. “I don’t think anybody heard. She’s still my best friend,” said Katherine, 12.

Clare, 11, knew there was trouble the day she saw a group of cool boys whispering and pointing at her. Later that day, she found out one of them started rumors that he and Clare were “deeply in love.”

“I was so embarrassed that I hid in the washroom for most of the day!” she said.

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A Sour Note?

Passing notes also seems to lead to a lot of embarrassment. Emily 12, got a love note from a boy, responded that she liked him too, but then the teacher caught the note and read it aloud! Emily said she was embarrassed, but couldn’t help finding it a little funny.

“I went bright red and so did he,” she said.

Sanela, 10, has had two embarrassing moments. One, when someone left a love note on her desk. Everyone was looking at her and she was so nervous she dropped all her art supplies on the floor. Another time, a boy gave her a rose at a New Year’s Eve party.

“He wouldn’t take it back. In fact, that was my most embarrassing moment ever!” Sanela said.

And you can imagine how Diana, 12, felt when a boy sent her a note that said, “I love you, Honeybee.”

Fight Embarrassment!

Based on our survey, here are some tips for avoiding embarrassment and helping other people do the same:

  • Try not to make fun of others or spread rumors about who likes whom. (It’s tough to avoid, but remember how it feels when it happens to you.)
  • If someone says they like you, but you don’t like them, try to tell them in a kind way.
  • If you like someone, consider that person’s feelings. It’s great if the person likes you back. But if your attention makes the person feel uncomfortable or angry, try to back off.
  • Talk to a parent or a trusted adult if you need help or advice.

When a boy likes her and she doesn’t like him, Stephanie, 12, tries to handle it in a nice way.

“I will still talk to him. Normally, people avoid them,” she said.

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Boy + Girl = Friends

It’s perfectly normal for boys and girls to start liking each other during the preteen years. It’s very new, so it might feel awkward or strange. It’s also fine if kids feel too young to get involved in this lovey-dovey stuff. The good news is that almost all kids think girls and boys can be friends.

Among boys who took our survey, 85% say they have friends who are girls. And among girls, 90% say they have friends who are boys. That’s a great way to get to know each other and for girls to start understanding boys and boys to start understanding girls.

Legend, a 12-year-old girl, put it this way: “With guys, you mostly play games more, and joke around way more. For example, if you put two girls (who are friends) together alone in a room, they might start talking and chatting. If you put a guy and girl (who are friends) in a room, the guy’d probably want to play basketball with a paper ball or something.”

A girl and a guy just hanging out playing trashcan basketball? That sounds like a slam-dunking friendship to us. Happy Valentine’s Day!

When we asked guys, their answers ranged from the raunchy to the (almost) romantic. But men aren’t so different from women after all—they just want to be pampered and feel loved. Sound familiar?

How to make boys want you

Remind him how hot he is.

Men have self-esteem issues too. “I’m not vain, but sometimes I need affirmations about my appearance. I always tell my girlfriend she’s beautiful, but she never returns the favor,” says Daniel, 29. “I don’t need to hear I love you’ more, but a You look handsome’ would be great.”

Lend a hand.

No, not that way (although he probably wouldn’t turn that down). We’re talking about using your hands for back scratching, shoulder rubbing and any other massaging techniques you can think of.

Make a grand gesture.

We women aren’t the only ones craving a little romance. “The coolest thing a girl has ever done was send me flowers. I was on a business trip for a week, and when I got to the room, they were waiting for me with a nice note,” says Darrel, 41. “I have no idea how she did it! But it’s 15 years later and I still haven’t forgotten it.”

Take charge.

Sometimes guys want to feel like the ones being dominated. “I really wish a woman would push my back against the wall, straddle me and then grind to climax,” says Michael, 29.

Relinquish control of the remote.

“I wish my girlfriend would learn to enjoy Sports Center so I don’t have to watch the damn Kardashians anymore,” says Corey, 23.

Pick up the tab.

“I wish she would treat me to a nice meal at a fancy restaurant,” says Wagner, 27. Men like to be wined and dined too, ladies.

Make some noise.

When you’re between the sheets, moan, breathe heavily, maybe even scream. “We want to feel like we’re doing a good job, and there’s nothing worse than someone who seems bored,” says Chad, 22. “We want to think we’re rocking your world and that you’re enjoying rocking ours.”

Plan the date for us.

Sick of the What Do You Want to Do game? So is he. “She always puts pressure on me to come up with great dates. I wish she would organize stuff for us to do once in a while,” says Mark, 25. “Take me out for a change!”

Give him oral sex.

Well, here’s a shocker: “You can never give enough blow jobs,” says Stefan, 24. For the record, just about every guy we talked to agreed.

Listen. No, really.

More than one man complained that women hear only what they want to hear during fights. “Be more understanding. A lot of times women don’t see things from a male perspective,” says Saeed, 35.

Go outside your comfort zone.

So you like foreign films and he likes fishing? Indulge him every once in a while. “I wish she were more outdoorsy! I love to go out and be active; she always wants to stay inside,” says Ryan, 22. Remember, this advice works for your sex life, too!

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Men are picky when it comes to dating. If you are single and out there dating, I am sure you are very aware of just how choosy men are. Women are particular too, but somehow the men seem to be worse. Usually, men have an idea in their head of a type of gal to whom they are attracted, and either you fit the mold or you don’t. However, occasionally a man will fall for a girl who is outside of his wheelhouse. Wouldn’t it be great if you could be that woman who could attract ANY GUY (within reason of course)?

Here are 10 tips to get you on your way:

Be a flirtatious woman. Men love when a woman is a good flirt — not cheesy, not sleazy, just fun. Learn how to “smeyes” — smile with your eyes. The guys love that and will love you.

Be sexy. Men love women who are sexy and who KNOW they are sexy. The word sexy has no real definition these days — the key ingredient is that you FEEL sexy and then he senses it and thinks you are H-O-T, hot.

Be feminine. Keep in mind that if a man wanted to be with a man, he would be. So be girly, be feminine, be a woman. What does that mean? Smell good, cook him a meal once in a while, mother him when he needs it — find the cavewoman in you.

Be the woman all his friends are lusting after and who lights up the room with your smile. It’s a fact; if all of his friends are “ooohing and ahhing” over you, he will be attracted to you all the more.

Be confident. Men love ladies who have that “je ne sais quoi, that little intangible confidence that make them untouchable, yet so desirable all at once.

Be adaptable in any situation. Men want you to fit in at a fancy party, with beer and pizza on sports night and at a boring work function. And, he wants you to do it with ease and with no complaining. If you think that men fall in love with the “hard to get” women, think again. Not in today’s world. Today men really fall for easy-going gals who can go with the flow.

Be a woman who makes him feel great about himself and makes him feel needed. Men love the girls who play to their ego and make them feel like Superman. If a guy doesn’t understand how he is needed in your life, he won’t fall in love with you.

Be the woman who encourages a guy’s night out. A woman who, not only allow a guy’s night out, but also insists on it is a rockstar to any guy. The catch is that you have to really mean it. And if you do, he will be thinking about you the whole time he is out and won’t even notice the other girls around him.

Be a woman with interesting things going on. Men love a woman who has her own life with fun and different things happening. No man wants a girl who is always sitting at home waiting for him or a woman who needs him to provide 100 percent of the fun.

Be intelligent, but not a know-it-all. Men like women who have it together and who won’t embarrass them in a conversation; they like women who know something about a lot of different things. It doesn’t have to be politics and sports, it just has to be something you are passionate about and truly understand. And they hate know-it-alls; drop that quality immediately.

There’s more to this male stereotype than you realize.

If you tell me that you know a woman who is perfect for me, the first thing I’m going to think is, “But will I be attracted to her?” Now wait. Before you roll your eyes and sigh because I sound just like that stereotypical looks-are-the-only-thing-that-matter kind of guy, hear me out.

Attraction isn’t purely physical; it’s much more than that. Attraction is physical, emotional, relational, intellectual, and maybe even spiritual for some. Sure, a man wants to be with someone he finds physically attractive, but I think we all do. The problem comes when we feel that someone values our looks more than our personality or intellect or any other more substantial characteristic.

Now I will concede that the first level of attraction that most guys recognize is physical beauty. And this makes sense. Not only are men typically more visually stimulated, but this is also the normal order of things. When I meet someone new, they make a visual impression (this includes what they wear, how they carry themselves, their facial expressions) before I get the chance to talk to them at length, let alone form a friendship with them.

But in our current culture, it can be easy for both men and women to get hung up on looks, especially in a culture that constantly highlights the “perfect body” types and focuses on looks with apps like Tinder. From struggles with pornography to the mistaken idea that men constantly need sex, I know the emphasis on the physical is a significant struggle for men. I know women also see the over-emphasis on physicality and it can be discouraging in the dating arena. Personally, I think that women generally have a greater ability to verbalize what attracts them on a deeper level. So when guys then fail to share what attracts them on a deeper level, it's women who suffer for it.

OK, now on to the good news. When it comes to what a man is really looking for in a woman he dates, let me tell you that not all men are shallow. Sure, they are looking for a woman who is attractive—and I know there are shallow people out there, of both sexesbut I promise, there is a lot more to it than looking hot or not. From a guy’s perspective, there is almost always more to beauty and attraction. I asked six men to name the qualities they found more attractive about a woman than how she looks. Here’s what they revealed.


“There’s nothing more attractive than a personality that meshes with your own,” James says. “It’s the first thing I notice. How she holds herself, how she behaves around others, does she smile when she greets you, how she expresses emotion. Personality is such a funny thing, but I think that’s exactly what we’re talking about when we say, “when we met each other, we just sort of clicked.”

I think James is spot-on. One of the most important things in a relationship is not if you are both great people, but if you are both great for each other, and personality plays a large role in this meshing process. The key here is to be yourself. Guys want to see the real woman—who she is, what she likes, what she is passionate about, her dreams, hopes, fears, all of it—because that is the woman they may enter a serious relationship with. So let your personality shine—we want to know who you really are.


“You can’t ‘swipe left’ when it comes to genuine attraction. This is what things like Tinder miss completely,” Matt says. “I think conversation is one of the most underrated skills today. Eventually we all get old, but hopefully my wife and I will always be able to talk to each and enjoy each other’s conversation. That kind of friendship will be the bedrock of any relationship together and definitely won’t be based on looks.”

Couldn’t agree more. The art of good conversation is dying, and friendship is key to any relationship. In fact, a good friend of mine was sharing with me last month how she knew she wanted to marry her husband. “No matter how old we got or what we looked like, I could always see myself being friends with him,” she said. It was as simple as that. They knew that their ability to be themselves around each other and to enjoy each other’s company through all the ups and downs of their relationship was a much deeper level of attraction. And this holds true for guys, too.

Sense of Humor

I’ve made a habit in recent years of asking women what their ideal man is like. Even with all the “tall, dark, and handsome” responses I’ve heard, no response has been more common than “he has to have a good sense of humor.” I thought it was interesting that this should be such an attractive thing for women, but apparently men share this desire too.

“It’s amazing how a woman with a great sense of humor can just put you at ease,” Dan says. “If I could give one tip to women when they meet a guy or are on the first couple dates, it would be to tell us what you find funny—tell us about comedians you like, something funny that happened to you recently, a great YouTube video a friend shared, anything.” Many other guys agreed, adding that humor is like a “bonding agent” and that it’s not only attractive but extremely memorable. I mean who wouldn’t want a guy to go back and tell his friends after the date, “man she was super funny, I can’t wait to see here again?”

Can Hang Out

I’m going to jump in and give my two cents on this one because it is such an attractive quality for me personally. For example, I recently bought tickets for me, my buddy, and his fiancée to go see a baseball game. Not only did his fiancée tough it out through the ninety-minute rain delay, but she genuinely enjoyed talking about the game and having a few beers with us. The whole time I kept thinking how lucky my friend is to have found a woman as awesome as this. It struck me then what an attractive quality it is when you can find someone who enjoys the same things you do, has similar passions, and is even willing to just “hang with the guys” from time to time.


All guys, whether single, dating, or married, need their alone time. We need time to relax, recharge, process, engage in our hobbies, and invest in our male friendships. Many times this can be spent with our significant other, but sometimes we just need “alone time” or “guy time.” So it makes sense then that a woman’s ability to be independent would seem extremely attractive to most guys.

“I am constantly amazed at my girlfriend’s ability to go with the flow and be independent,” Marcus says. “Sometimes I get kept late at work or have to go out to dinner with clients, which means our plans occasionally get broken. Thankfully she is so flexible. She'll use it as a chance to catch up with her friends instead. Not only does it take a huge weight off my shoulders, but it makes me want to make it up to her and spend every non-busy moment I have with her!”

Interactions with Others

“When I first met my wife, the first thing I noticed was how she immediately gravitated toward the quietest or most unsure person in the room, introduced herself, and helped to bring them into the conversation,” Theo says. “I was blown away by how she treated others, not just her family and friends, but people she had just met. I saw that and said, ‘Wow, I want to marry a girl like that!’ And I did; I married her!”

How to make boys want you

Flying first-class is an experience I recommend to everyone. The service, food and level of comfort are amazing. It feels like you have a personal butler who dotes on you and caters to your every whim. But what does flying first class have to do with love and attracting high-caliber men?

More than you’d think.

You may think the root of this is about money, but it’s really linked to something much deeper. It’s about someone else’s limitations on what they think they cannot have—or do not deserve. It really is about how much you feel you are worth. It is about how much you feel you deserve.

If you are currently settling in one area of your life, you settle in other areas too. You’ve probably heard the saying, “How you do anything is how you do everything.”

I unapologetically invest in, expect and am open to receiving the best from life—whether it’s traveling, eating, coaching, education, men, clothing or relationships. (And no, I was not born into a rich family. My parents immigrated to the United States, made their own way, and I did too).

There’s no reason you can’t strive for the same for yourself—you deserve the best from life, too. Part of a great life is finding a great partner to share it with.

But high quality men, appreciate high quality women, so here are five tips for attracting a boyfriend who knows you’re a woman of true worth:

1. They can’t resist a woman who treats herself the way she wants him to treat her.

It amazes me to hear women go down a list of the treatment they expect, places they want to wine and dine, trips they want to go on and pampering they want to receive. Yet they skimp and don’t invest in doing these things for themselves. Boggles the mind!

This is something you must do all the time, whether you are in a relationship or not.

Make a vow to never be cheap with yourself ever again. Ignore prices on menus. Stop waiting for sales. Invest in yourself at the highest level possible, whatever that looks like for you. Don’t be irresponsible with your finances, but stop denying yourself pleasures that will make you feel special and successful. You are both.

2. They flock to a woman who is well-rounded.

A woman once told me she could never attract a high-caliber boyfriend as she desired. After a short conversation, it came to light that she never invested in growing herself as a woman.

A man of quality and intrigue can sense the inconsistent energy of a woman who is faking it. He will never trade his loaf of bread for her crumbs. He wants a partner who is on his level, and you must invest in yourself as he has done himself.

As I say, “Your love life can only grow to the extent that you grow as a woman.”

This is why I am consistently in multiple programs, seek coaches and mentors, and surround myself with people of excellence. Even my clients, who seek help and guidance, are successful, bright women.

Being well-rounded also includes being a global citizen who invests in learning about different cultures and countries. Nothing expands your mind faster than traveling the world to discover the best other cultures have to offer.

3. They love a woman who is in a constant state of expansion.

Stop saying things are too expensive. Instead, say, “I am worth it. So, how do I afford this? How do I obtain this?”

I know people who wanted something that wasn’t currently in their spending plan. They asked themselves those two questions and drew their desires to them.

Never let money stop you from doing something you desire. You don’t have a lack of finances; you have a lack of ideas. Tap into your desires and upgrade to the next level. Ask yourself, “How much will this cost me if I do not invest in it?”

Again, this is not about finances or money. The point is that you must treat yourself as someone worthy of your desires, dreams and hopes. Only then will you attract a man who wants to nurture them.

4. They appreciate a woman who has an “I deserve it” attitude.

Start embracing the fact that you do deserve it, even if you have trouble believing it right now.

Asking for and expecting it from those around you is the first step. The more you do it, the stronger that irresistible energy becomes. People will start feeling it too and soon, you won’t even have to ask anymore.

In the magnetic woman tribe, we don’t do snobby, bitchy or “I’m an entitled princess” attitudes. All that comes from a place of weakness (the attitude of the 95 percent). Instead, we value women (the 5 percent) who come from a place of confidence, poise and inner strength. Women who know they are worth it deserve it, expect it and receive it. They encourage and support other women to come from that place of power.

When our sisters have it, it makes it even easier for us to reach and maintain it.

5. They can’t resist a woman who gives excellence to everyone around her.

This point is crucial. Expecting the best from others is just one side of the equation to attracting an excellent partner. Remember that what you give to others and yourself, you also receive.

Aristotle said, “Quality is not an act, it is a habit.” How you treat yourself is your announcement to the world of how much you are worth. How are you teaching the world to treat you?

Taking on these 5 traits will greatly increase your value, confidence and the quality men you attract.

Anglia Ruskin University (ARU) provides funding as a member of The Conversation UK.


How to make boys want you

“Nice guys finish last” is one of the most widely believed maxims of dating. Fleshed out, the idea goes something like this: heterosexual women might say they want nice characteristics in a partner, but in reality what they want is the challenge that comes with dating a “bad boy”. This idea is so widespread that some people are even making money off the back of it, selling self-help books and teaching men how to pick up women by insulting them – a practice known as “negging”.

Recently, an article published by Broadly claimed, “Everyone knows [bad boys] … are desirable. Thanks to a recent study, this is now scientifically verifiable.”

The research it refers to is a study published earlier this year, which suggested that some men smoke and drink because this makes them more attractive short-term partners.

Leaving aside the obvious point that the article is conflating “bad” with drinking and smoking (as Girl on the Net writes, “badness” is really a lot more than just smoking 20 a day or drinking like there’s no tomorrow), is it really true that women prefer bad boys (read: insensitive, macho jerks)? Let’s take a look at some reliable scientific evidence.

One way to investigate the issue is to present women with hypothetical men with different personality types and see which ones they prefer. In one such study, participants had to help a fictional character named Susan choose a date from three male contestants, based on their answers to her questions. In one version, the man was nice – he was in touch with his feelings, caring and kind. In another, he was a self-described “real man” who was insensitive and unkind. The third contestant simply gave neutral answers.

So which contestant did participants think Susan should date and who did they prefer to date themselves? Contrary to the stereotype that nice guys finish last, it was actually the nice contestant that was chosen most frequently for both Susan and for participants themselves.

In another study, participants who read dating ads in which people described themselves as altruistic (“I volunteer at the food bank”) were rated as more attractive short-term dates and long-term partners than those who didn’t mention such qualities. Other studies have similarly shown that women prefer men who are sensitive, confident and easy-going, and that very few (if any) women want to date a man who is aggressive or demanding. The picture that emerges is clear: when women rate hypothetical partners, they clearly prefer “nice” men.

In fact, the power of niceness shouldn’t be underestimated. Some studies have shown that having a nice personality can even affect impressions of a person’s physical attractiveness. Characteristics such as warmth, kindness, and basic decency are valued by both women and men – having them makes us more desirable partners, but also makes us appear more physically attractive.

The attractive power of narcissists

Of course, sometimes we do find “bad” people attractive. Narcissists – people who show high levels of self-importance, superiority, entitlement, arrogance and a willingness to exploit others – are often perceived as very attractive in initial encounters. This may be because they put a lot of effort into their appearance and how they come across. Studies have shown that female narcissists tend to wear more make-up and show more cleavage than women who score lower on narcissism, whereas male narcissists spend more time building up their muscle mass.

How to make boys want you

In the very short term, narcissists can even seem more well-adjusted, entertaining and generally nicer. But over the long term, narcissists find it difficult to maintain a favourable impression and tend to be perceived as less adjusted, less warm, and more hostile and arrogant. Not surprisingly, the evidence shows that narcissists don’t like long-term, committed relationships and don’t do well in them anyway.

And there may be all sorts of other reasons why some people end up dating “bad people”. They may be repeating patterns of behaviour they’ve become used to in past relationships or they may find the world of dating stressful and end up making bad decisions. Or they may simply have bought into myths of dating and behave accordingly. But, for the most part, the evidence suggests that both women and men prefer nice partners and are turned off by jerks.

The problem with the nice-guys-finish-last stereotype, aside from going against the grain of years of scientific evidence, is that it may compromise the possibility of forming meaningful relationships. Perpetuating this myth not only creates unhelpful expectations about how we should behave, but trying to live up to the myth can sometimes damage relationships.

In the end, the idea that women want to date bad boys really just reinforces the misogynist’s idea of deceitful women and earnest “nice” men baffled by their lack of dating success. It allows some men to blame and hate women as a means of deflecting attention away from their own shortcomings. So, if you’re looking to science for some advice, it’s simple: be nice.

How to make boys want you

It’s the oldest tale in romance — boy likes girl, boy teases girl on the playground, boy and girl live happily ever after.

Yes, it starts early and often continues on from there.

The signs that he likes you aren’t always obvious — or even particularly conducive to love.

Sometimes he sends clear signals — he may text you, call you, or send a dozen roses for no reason at all. Or, shockingly enough, he may actually tell you he likes you outright. How brave!

When this happens, it’s easy to feel secure in your relationship. He likes you, you like him, the world is full of rainbows and kittens. But, more often, the signs a guy likes you are vague and confusing. Sometimes, you practically need a decoder ring to figure out what’s going on.

Consider this right here your own personal man-behavior decoder ring!

Here are five common, yet subtle, ways a man hints that he likes you (without ever actually saying it):

1. He gets very serious or quiet.

One of the signs a guy likes you is his level of seriousness. He may seem quiet and pensive and take your conversations with the gravity of a Master’s dissertation. He may even come off a little boring, asking you to tell him about your job as a CPA, for instance. It can seem a little bit like he’s conducting an interview at times, but he’s merely playing it safe.

During this phase of the relationship, he’s in his adult ego state, which basically means he’s extremely careful not to mess things up. He wants you to drive the conversation, rather than risk him driving you away.

2. He’s formulaic in his approach.

Another sign a man likes you involves his approach. If he is formulaic, almost surgical, in the way he says and does things — waiting exactly three days to call you, for example — it’s often because he fears the errors that might come with spontaneity. He’s uncomfortable with the thought of losing you and, thus, he acts subdued in his approach.

Another way this might manifest is through hyper-masculinity — meaning he might act like an oddly macho, macho man. Perhaps he really is a raging ball of testosterone, but he may also just be putting on a show. Men often go into masculine mode (the safe, traditional gender role) when they aren’t sure what else to do.

The last thing he wants is to come off as needy or desperate, so he flexes his muscles a little while staring in the proverbial mirror.

3. He accidentally insults you.

Believe it or not, one of the signs he really likes you is when he accidently insults you. It’s his very awkward attempt to create an emotional spark. He may try to tease you or joke with you or flirt with you (and, frankly, he might be bad at it).

He might seem arrogant and brash at first, but give him a chance. He’s only trying to connect with you by challenging you. It’s a thing guys do with each other to show affection. They banter. Some men are still the awkward boys from grade school, no matter how old they grow. He’s trying to be playful, not realizing he’s not coming off well.

4. He acts cocky and brags.

Ironically, one of the biggest signs that he loves is coming across as him loving himself — A LOT. Cockiness and bragging aren’t exactly things women look for. Tall, dark, and boastful? Nope!

But oftentimes men brag in an attempt to build value. In short, they want to impress you. He’s not trying to compete with you or one up you, at least not usually. He simply wants you to see what he can offer. He’s trying to sell himself so that you’ll give him the time of day … and your phone number.

5. He doesn’t initiate physical intimacy.

Among the final signs that he loves you is one of the most confusing: He doesn’t initiate physical contact. This may turn awkward if you’re giving him the green light — “So, here are my breasts.” You might conclude he’s not attracted to you, or that you’re not his type. You might even conclude that he’s a eunuch.

Despite popular belief, men don’t always jump at the chance to have sex. If he’s slow to respond to your advances, it might simply mean he’s afraid of moving too quickly and ruining the relationship. Even if you’re giving him the green-light, he may still fear rejection or ruining the chance at a real connection. That can be enough to make him keep his hands to himself just a little while longer.

The signs a guy likes you (even loves you) may be obvious, subtle, or somewhere in between.

If you go into the dating world assuming that he does like you, that he is interested, and that you do have a chance together, your odds of finding a relationship skyrocket.

This shows that you’re open, you’re comfortable, and you’re not afraid to like him back.

How to make boys want you

2. No first move: OK, so is it ladies first or do men get be gentlemen and ask the lady out? The guy likes a woman who never makes the first move. He wants to decide how he’s going to woo you serenade you – so be a lady and let him!
3. Love’s in the air: Does your heart beat faster when you see him? Does his voice make you want to see him? While some may experience these, others may feel a sense of comfort and security when with him. This makes for a good foundation to take the relation ship.

4. Show you care: Someone said don’t sweat the small stuff. But in a new relationship you definitely need to! Doing little things to show to him that you care will make his heart grow fonder.

5. Sexy yes, slutty no: Don’t indulge in PDA right off the bat – you are likely to scare him off! Men like to take it slow and prefer being nonsexual but flirty in the initial stages of the relationship.

6. Wait for sex: Don’t jump into bed on your first date. Sex can effectively ruin what could otherwise be a beautiful relationship. Both of you may end up having very little in common other than sex. So wait a while before you seal the deal.

A Reddit thread got to the bottom of this once and for all.

How to make boys want you

How to make boys want you

“How do guys feel about girls making the first move?”

This was a question posted on Reddit early in the day on November 4. Responses came flying in immediately, and within 6 hours—at the time of publication—the post had already received 24,000 upvotes on the discussion-based platform.

It turns out, men really, really like when women make the first move.

“Literally every guy in this thread will be very happy for you to make the first move,” one Redditor said, summing it up. “Literally every time this thread is made, we give the same barrage of answers, ranging from ‘Yes’ to ‘Fuck yes’,” another guy replied.

One commenter went as far as to say, “We’d go out with a tree if it made the first move.”

Since there were a resounding responses along the lines of “Yes, duh,” one Redditor went and asked the opposite question, which yielded far a more interesting commentary. He asked, “‘Guys who for some stupid fucking reason wouldn’t want a girl to make the first move, can you explain your stupid fucking reason?”

One man replied, “If you’re looking for a real answer, it’s because I generally don’t trust people, so when someone starts taking an interest in me for no apparent reason, I start wondering what their real motive is. It doesn’t mean I wouldn’t go out with someone who made the first move, but my initial reaction is going to be guarded.”

How to make boys want you

But back to the guys who like women to make the first move: The point was made that men are starved for compliments in general, which is why simply getting attention from a woman is a necessary confidence-booster.

“I think most guys would like it,” one man wrote. “Men, in general, rarely get compliments. For a girl to make the first move on them is probably the best compliment they could ever have.”

So why do guys crave compliments so badly? A female user suggested it’s because guys don’t praise other men the way women praise each other. “Guys don’t compliment each other as much,” she said, adding, “You can change that by complimenting your buddies more.”

So, women, feel free to make the first move. And men, start complimenting your buds. It probably won’t make dating any easier, but it’s just a nice thing to do.

With women being expected to get a job, get married and start having children all before the age of 25, there isn’t much time for us to find the man of our dreams and start a life with him. But what happens if the man you want to spend your life with is taken?

Like with most things, you have to be selfish. Go after what you want and don’t let anyone stand in your way. Fuck girl code and get with the guy you want.

Heres is how to do it.

Look hot

How to make boys want you

Don’t cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?

No matter how nice they may be, or how caring they are, men can’t help but pine after a good looking girl. Make sure you are looking hot at all times. I’m talking good hair, great clothes and a face so contoured you could be mistaken for Kim K. If you are looking hot, then he is bound to notice you and you will have completed the first step of grabbing his attention.

Be approachable

How to make boys want you

Flash that winning smile, girls

You want to upstage his girlfriend. Approach him with your winning smile, be friendly and be sympathetic to his every need. Boys love attention and sympathy off any girl. You are aiming to become his hot agony aunt, and any problem he may have, he will come to you. With any luck, he will start coming to you about problems he is having with his girlfriend, and you can give him some good, subtle, relationship advice.

Don’t slag off his girlfriend

How to make boys want you

Look how nice I’m being to your girlfriend

Nobody likes a bitch. He will respect you more if he thinks you care about his girlfriend’s feelings, even if you secretly don’t give a fuck. Say things like ‘She’s a sweet girl, I wouldn’t want us talking to upset her.’ Or ‘Are you sure you’re girlfriend is okay with us speaking? She gives me dirty looks, I wouldn’t want to offend her.’ This will make him respect you for appearing to give a shit about other girls’ lives. More importantly though, it will put some subtle pressure. He will realise the choice between you and her will at some point have to be made.

Don’t pounce too soon

How to make boys want you

Oh hey, fancy seeing you here!

This game is a game all about patience. If you are out clubbing and he is there, keep it cool. Give him the eye, maybe a smile. When the time is right, go up and say hi to him, dance with him, flirt with him, but do not touch him. And whatever you do, don’t kiss him or go home with him. These stages have to wait until a later date. If you go in guns blazing too soon, he will feel guilty about his girlfriend and end up avoiding you because of it.

Be wild and be fun

How to make boys want you

Don’t cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me?

However much fun his girlfriend is having, you need to be having ten times more fun. Laugh loudly, tell him stories about all the wild things you have ever done, dance like a lunatic and make him realise you are a cool girl who doesn’t take herself too seriously.

Stay cool

How to make boys want you

Yeah babes, I’m always this laid back.

No matter how many problems you are having, do not share them with him. Boys don’t like drama. Be cool, be calm, be one of those girls who is up for anything, doesn’t judge anyone and takes each day as it comes. This means that every time his girlfriend argues with him, or moans at him for doing something she doesn’t approve of, he will secretly wishing she is as chilled out as you are.

Take an interest in his interests

How to make boys want you

Has anyone ever told you how interesting you are?

Stalk him to find out what he is in to. Find out what course he does at uni, or what he spends his weekends doing. Strike up a conversation with him about his chosen subjects. Look interested and ask a lot of questions. Everybody likes talking about themselves, and if you show a genuine interest, then he will love spending time talking to you.

Pounce on him

You have waited patiently. You have been the agony aunt, you have listened to him, now it is time to make your move. Get into a conversation with him, keep eye contact the whole time and when the time is right, kiss him. He will go for it, you will both be lost in the moment. Then you need to act like the nice girl. ‘Oh my god, I’m so sorry, I got carried away. Oh my god, I can’t believe you just did that I’m so sorry, I know you have a girlfriend.’


How to make boys want you

This is probably the hardest stage. Now it is all up to him. Avoid him for a few days, remember you are ashamed of hurting his girlfriend. That’s what you want him to think anyway. Trust me, he will soon come running. It won’t be long until you get that text message saying he needs to talk to you. He will be telling you that he broke up with his girlfriend, that he wants to be with you. Tread carefully here. Tell him it is best to take it slow, you don’t want him to rush into anything, regret anything. You have shown him you are hot, exciting, fun, caring and it won’t be long before you are waking off into the sunset together.

Put girl code aside

How to make boys want you

It is easy to start feeling guilty about this. But you need to remember that being ruthless and selfish is necessary. Don’t let your guilt ruin things. If he wanted to be with his ex-girlfriend over you, then he would. Remember it has all worked out for the best. It is better off for her to know so she can move on and be with someone who wants to be with her. In a way, you’ve probably done her a favour. Don’t put girl code ahead of a possible future husband. If the man you can see yourself spending the rest of your life with is taken, fuck girl code and make sure you get what makes you happy.

So take the advice, use it wisely, trap the man you need. But if you go after my boyfriend, I will claw your eyes out.

A lot of guys don’t talk about their feelings, but rest assured, everyone has things they want out of a relationship that they won’t tell you. Nowadays, it’s hard enough making a relationship last, let alone finding out what your partner really wants. Don’t stress though, because we’ve put together a list of the things most guys actually want from their girlfriends.

1. Mutual respect without ego problems

There’s no way a relationship’s going to last if she’s shallow and thinks you’re beneath her.

2. Real intimacy, not just a fling

An actual connection rather than just getting with someone for the heck of it is better for longer lasting happiness.

3. Adventures in the bedroom

Not saying get freaky with whips or chains but being up for new things in the bedroom keeps things fresh. Don’t hurt your back!

4. Spontaneity and a little craziness

If she doesn’t make you laugh, then she’s probably meant for someone else. It’s not harsh, it’s just true.

5. Being close with enough space of their own

This might be a personal opinion but if a couple isn’t chill then things get heated really quick and life’s too short for pointless disputes. Giving people their space is good as it keeps both your identities separate.

6. As few insecurities as possible

Everyone has them, but keep it under control. Insecurities are usually stupid, unfounded and petty.

7. Freedom from being judged

Guys want to be themselves around their girlfriends, and it sucks if they can’t because of what the girl thinks.

8. To be loved for who they really are

Even if they won’t admit it, a guy will groom himself to impress his sweetheart. He will even change the things she doesn’t like about him. But he also wants to seen for who he really is, and be loved for that.

9. A relationship that’s comforting through the bad times

Having the support of someone during tough times is something that brings people very close. Guys may try to not show weakness, but everyone feels bad on the inside, so it’s good to have a pillar of strength, plus you know you can depend on them then.

10. Guys also want to be pampered

Though guys try to put on a macho image, and love baby-ing their sweethearts, it’s not like they don’t love to be pampered themselves! A surprise gift, a relaxing massage, a loving gesture are all welcome and much appreciated.

11. He wants you to make an effort to share his interests

Opposites attract, but I draw the line if she doesn’t watch Game of Thrones. Get my drift?

12. Your guy wants you stepping up for him when someone puts him down

Yes he can fight his own battles, but he’s even stronger when you are on his side.

13. Some retro romance

Not saying she’s got to be all ladylike with high heels but as long as she knows herself, that’s all that matters.

14. Openness in communication, not beating around the bush by dropping ‘hints’

If a couple can’t talk about things freely, then doomsday cometh sooner than you think. It’s better to say things straight to the face than go through a long process.

15. A good taste in music

I’m being kind of selfish but yeah, a good taste in music = a good taste in alcohol = a good view on life.

You’re having a great time getting to know a guy or a gal, there’s excitable flirting, hearts lurching when they message, and perhaps a touch of playing hard to get (God forbid you should lay your cards on the table).

But then. Then the person gets too keen. Perhaps they suggest hanging out two nights in a row, reply to all your messages straight away or even – gasp! – tell you they like you. The horror.

And of course, you then recoil, suddenly, inexplicably, totally not into them any more. It’s so annoying.

It’s classic though. Many of us like the chase, and once that’s over, we lose interest. And of course, people seem so much more attractive when we think they don’t want us.


Such is why we often think it’s worth playing hard to get.

But why does this happen?

If you often get turned off when someone is too into you, it probably comes down to your issues with intimacy. Sorry.

When someone is keen, it’s a sign that the relationship has potential to progress.

Ever freaked out when you’ve been seeing someone for a few weeks and it actually starts to look like it could turn into something real? Yeah, guilty.

“And when a relationship becomes more intimate, it becomes more vulnerable, and [people] can become more easily hurt,” Jesse Kahn, LCSW, the director and supervisor of The Gender & Sexuality Therapy Collective in New York, told Refinery 29.

So when you pull away, you’re just protecting yourself from the possibility of being hurt. “In fact, some people can find safety in being rejected, because it’s more normal for them,” Kahn says.

But that’s not the only reason being too keen can be a turn-off. It can, of course, just reek of desperation. You don’t want to date someone who is so needy and has so little going on in their life that they cling to you.

It shows maturity when someone is independent, and being too keen can be interpreted as being needy.

According to Kahn, you might be able to work out why you bolt from a relationship when someone starts showing interest simply by looking back at past ones and trying to work out why you reacted like you did.

“Think about what your examples of intimacy and love were in past partnerships and in your family life,” he explains.

Friends may tell you that when you meet the right person, you won’t run away when it gets to the point where a relationship might have potential, but is that really true? Or is it actually something you need to get over yourself?

Try not to freak out when someone likes five of your Instagrams, texts you three times in a row and posts a selfie on Facebook with you. Because at the end of the day, it’s probably not them, it’s you.

[This article was originally published in September 2017]

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How to make boys want you

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A girl I made friends with in the smoking area told me she was going to set me up with someone, which sounded fun until I realized what she meant by that.

“He’s cute,” she said, pointing at the other side of the bar where a guy was leaning against a pillar. Held alone, none of his features were notable, but they were so equally matched that a harmony erupted in them that made him satisfying to look at, like puzzle pieces slotting into the right place. With his half-opened eyes and slow glances, he radiated the sort of calming energy people say they get from long baths—or maybe it was just sadness I was seeing? He was hard to read, and I could tell he would be even from closer up, as though his skin were a wall no one could get behind. The sort of guy who says “let’s not argue” when you try to resolve an issue. But I like challenges more than I like winning, so I nodded at my new friend, “You’re right, he is cute.”

This is the part where I wanted the floor to open up and swallow me into it: She walked right up to him, whispered something in his ear, and pointed back at me. When I agreed to the match-making plan I thought it would just be a case of dancing near him until he noticed me, not something that left me so wide open to rejection—one I know I’m currently too resigned to explain away with made-up excuses like “he’s intimidated” or “he definitely has a girlfriend he’s not telling me about.” But he didn’t shake his head, he walked over, put his hand on my arm and said, “What’s your name?”

I drank the rum and Coke he bought me that I definitely didn’t need. Licked it off my knuckles when he spun me around under his arms. Watched as condensation rolled down the walls of the room so that other people’s sweat landed on strangers’ bodies, dropped into drinks. We kissed and our lips were so dry they caught on each other. He shouted something in my ear and I couldn’t hear, so shouted back at him, “What?”

“It’s warm in here.”

I nodded, then asked: “How long have you lived in London for?”

It was too frustrating so I gestured a cig motion, and he nodded and followed me to the exit. I was at the top of the stairs when the floor really did open up for me. The worn-down sole of my shoe skidded on the smooth wood of the stairs so that I landed on my ass and then skidded right down to the bottom. Around me people gathered up the make-up brushes that had scattered across the floor, the cards, the keys, and as I watched them, I felt as though my insides had been turned out and put in a glass box in a museum so that everyone knew my secrets.

He didn’t seem to mind the fall, which should have made me feel better, but it didn’t; it actually bothered me. “I got the ick that he didn’t get the ick from me,” I said to a friend the next day when I told her about what happened. “I wanted to say to him, ‘You need to love yourself, you can do better than a girl who just stacked it in front of everyone at The Old Queen’s Head.’”

“Maybe he just liked you?”

“You’re always complaining about being single but you’re always going for men who aren’t into you; you’re never going to meet anyone when that’s your type.”

At first the comment annoys me. Yes, the men I fancy often don’t like me back, but the ones who do fancy me are weird. Like the one I was on a date with two nights ago who said he was thinking of moving from his parents’ house in Edmonton to Clapham “to try something different,” as if Clapham offers anything but a bland soup of ASOS blazers and rugby boys that you find in most places. All the men who are hot either have girlfriends or too many better options. There aren’t plenty more fish in the sea—there are no fish, like there’s been an oil spill or something.

But the next morning I think about what my friend said and see that she may have a point. I thought the guy in the club was nice until he was nice to me. That’s when I wanted to shove him away and ask, “Are you the guy from You or something?” But he was still the same person I was with before. The one with big hands and kind eyes who liked it when WizKid came on. If he’d have distanced himself from me after the fall, I doubt I would have gotten that feeling. I would have worked to redeem myself in his eyes, dancing with slick, purposeful movements to prove I wasn’t too drunk, wiping the mascara smudges away. Why do I—why does everyone—only fancy people who don’t fancy them when they could have a nice man who doesn’t care that they now have a bruise on their arse so big and intricate, so suffused with purple and yellow, that it looks like the Milky Way?

After getting over a series of one-sided relationships, Susan Sontag reminisces in a diary entry from 1968: “I always fell for the bullies—thinking: if they don’t find me so hot they must be great. Their rejection of me showed their superior qualities, their good taste.” She expands later on: “Of course, I don’t love myself. (If I ever did!) How can I, when the one person I ever trusted has rejected me—the person I made the arbiter, + the creator of my lovableness. I feel profoundly alone, cut off, unattractive—as I never did before. (How cocky + superficial I was!) I feel unlovable. But I respect that unlovable soldier—struggling to survive, struggling to be honest, just honorable. I respect myself. I’ll never fall for the bullies again.”

I never identify with people like Sontag who say they don’t love themselves. I love the way my nose turns up a bit at the end, my weirdly bent back that makes my arse stick out like a shelving unit, and I think I’m smart and funny and blah, blah, blah. I just wonder why no one else can see my loveliness. But that’s not love, is it? Because if I need someone else to prove it then I can’t truly think it. That’s why I’m attracted to men who aren’t interested in me, because then it’s like I’ve proved myself deserving, I can love myself for the love I inspire in them. I don’t know when this loss of my sense of self-worth started. Maybe boys at school calling me “Annie Red Face.” Maybe a therapist would say it was my parents (because everything seems to be about that). Or, maybe, as with Sontag, it is to do with the ending of my relationship, of having the person I thought loved me the most leave, the one I relied on for my self-esteem.

I had another date planned on Sunday but I bailed on it, because his WhatsApp picture is him sat behind a plate of sushi, which made me think, Why, as a man, are you getting your friends to take pictures of you at dinner? But also, because I think I need to work on liking myself before I’ll ever accept someone who likes me. I spend the time I would have spent asking him how many siblings he has, hearing about the annoying flatmate who always leaves half-empty mayo bottles in the fridge, on my own at the Natural History Museum. I walk past the ginormous whale skeleton, through the rooms filled with stuffed animals, up through the red-hot planet where there’s all the stuff about volcanos. Apparently when volcanos explode, the ash they give out burns down everything in its path, destroying crops, buildings, roads. But as the ash breaks up, it creates a material that is excellent at bonding with organic matter, creating nutrient-rich soil. This soil is also low-density, porous, and good at storing water, making it ideal for growing crops. I wonder if I could be like one of those plants, growing from the wreckage of something that fell apart.

Circumstances in love don’t always play out the way we want them to. Sometimes he has a girlfriend. Sometimes she’s leaving the country. Sometimes they’re just not interested.

Sometimes the problem isn’t getting someone to like you, but rather getting yourself to stop liking them.

I’m not talking about exes here, either. I’m talking about how to get over a guy in your life who — although you’ve never been together — won’t get out of your head. I’m talking about that person you’ve built up in your mind for weeks, months, even years. That person who gets your heart racing, who keeps sneaking their way into your dreams at night. It isn’t easy to know exactly how to get over a boy when you’ve never been, well, under them. That’s where Toronto-based breakup coach and dating expert Natalia Juarez comes in.

“We’ve all been on both sides of this equation in our lives. There’s no shame in it,” Juarez says about unrequited love. She adds that even though things may have never materialized into a formal relationship, learning that someone doesn’t share the same feelings you have for them can absolutely lead to the same devastating pain associated with breakups. “It’s still a disappointment in love. It’s still a heartbreak. And it’s all part of the process of finding your right person or people.”

It’s true you’re never alone in your heartache. Unrequited love is one of the greatest literary tropes of all time — there’s Eponine and Marius in Les Miserables, Heathcliff and Catherine in Wuthering Heights, and Laurie and Jo in Little Women. You, sweet, heartbroken reader, are in good company. And one day you might even find yourself looking back at this chapter of your life and smiling. Until then, Juarez is here to help you get through this. Here’s how to get over him, her, or them:

Distance Yourself

The first and most important thing you can do is create some distance between you and your crush. Juarez suggests keeping yourself busy enough so you don’t find yourself gravitating toward wanting to text or hang out with them. “You have to heal and recover from this mini-heartbreak just like any breakup,” she says.

If it’s impossible to cut this person out of your life entirely, do your best to keep conversation light It’s always best to be polite, but engineer some emotional distance to help you get over them.

Accept Your Negative Emotions

Whatever you feel as you distance yourself, remember your emotions are valid. When we let go of someone (even if it’s just a crush), it’s common to be struck with sadness, grief, and a sense of loss.

According to Juarez, rejection is a totally natural part of the process of finding where we’re supposed to be and who we’re supposed to be with. “It’s worth it to share your heart,” Juarez says about the sting of rejection. “If you’re disappointed, just let the person know. You can say, ‘I’m really disappointed to hear that, I might need a few weeks to recover, but I know I’ll be fine again soon.’”

Let your feelings wash over you. Sooner or later, the storm will blow over.

Surround Yourself With Support

There’s nothing more important than having good people around when you’re feeling down. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family. This will give you a secure base and the emotional support you need to pick you up.

Connect with them. Play board games, watch movies, cook together. Do whatever makes you feel good. A good set of friends or family will help you remember your own value and push you out into the world again when you’re ready.

Write A List Of Qualities You Liked About Them

It might seem counterintuitive to write a list of things you liked about them, but it can be a helpful exercise.

Write down the traits that attracted you to this person. Instead of having them swimming around in your head, this written list will give you a hard copy. You now have the beginnings of a list of traits you like in a potential partner. You can continue adding to it as you meet new people, giving yourself targeted traits to look for in a new romance.

Write An Equal List Of Things You Disliked About Them

This exercise may be more difficult, depending on how well you knew your crush. Maybe it’s someone you admired from a distance at work, or maybe it’s an old friend you’ve developed feelings for over the course of many years. Either way, making a list of this person’s qualities that you didn’t find so enchanting may prove useful to you in your quest to get past this pain. Not only will it help you humanize this person — instead of the romanticized image of them that you’ve had in your head — but it will allow you to consider traits you may want to avoid in future partners..

Focus On Yourself

There is no better time to turn the spotlight onto you than when you’re hurting in love. Fill your schedule with enriching activities. Have you always wanted to learn how to dance? Start taking classes. Have you been out of the gym for a while? Go back. Have you always wanted to learn a language? Download the first module.

Not only do these things take your attention off your heartache, but they also help you grow, helping you feel good about yourself and become a more fulfilled person.

Get Back Out There.

It does take time, but eventually your feelings for your crush will weaken. You’ll feel better about yourself, you’ll be seeing things from a fresh perspective, and you may even feel able to let go of your old feelings for your crush. At that point, it may be time to think about re-entering the dating world.

Meet new people. Flirt with those people. Remember how fun it can be. Don’t jump into a relationship, just appreciate what it’s like to feel attractive and wanted as you enrich your life with new people.

And then, one day, as you continue to put yourself out there, you’ll turn around and realize you haven’t thought about your old crush in a week. Your life, your friends, and perhaps even a new love interest will have taken over the mental real estate your crush used to occupy.

Getting over an unrequited love is never easy, but remember: If Laurie could get over Jo, you’re gonna make it through just fine.

It’s the question every girl asks herself: does he like me or not? Unless you have psychic powers, it’s impossible to know! Trying to tell if a guy has feelings for you can be so hard. Is he flirting or just being nice? How can you tell?

Don’t worry, we’ve got your back. We know what boys like, and we know what boys do when they like a girl. We’ve got a list of forty signs guys give off when they are crushing hard. We may not have a crystal ball with all the answers, but these signs can help you figure out if he likes you or not.

40 Ways to Tell If A Guy Likes You

1. He makes an effort to touch you. Even if it’s just a brush on the arm, physical contact is a way guys say “I like you.”

2. He always makes an effort to talk to you.

3. Early on in conversation, he asks if you have a boyfriend. He wouldn’t be asking if he didn’t want to know.

4. He remembers details about you and asks follow up questions.

5. You notice he suddenly knows things about your interests when he seemed clueless before. He might have done some research so he’d have more to talk about with you.

6. He remembers the names of your friends, family members, and even pets.

7. He wants you to meet his friends.

8. He’s following all your social media profiles, not just your IG.

9. You get “Why are you up?” DMs from him if you’re on Facebook late at night.

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10. He asks you to hang out.

11. You seem to run into a lot. It’s probably not a coincidence!

12. He tells you lots of jokes, no matter how lame they are.

13. He randomly sends you memes.

14. You notice he dresses well when you hang out.

15. He wants to buy things for you. Even if it’s something small like a snack, it’s a way guys show off they can provide.

16. He gets a bit “off” when you mention other guys.

17. He tried to show off with physical challenges around you. If you notice he’s suddenly trying to do parkour or make trick shots, it could be to impress you.

18. He doesn’t make fun of your girly interests.

19. He tries to explain things to you. It may come off the wrong way, but guys often try to show off how much they know by explaining things.

20. He likes your posts on social media.

21. You notice he has started wearing cologne. If he didn’t before, that could be a big sign he’s trying to impress someone.

22. He likes pictures from years ago on your IG.

23. He watches all your Facebook/IG stories.

24. He agrees to make TikToks with you.

25. Anytime you have a problem, he tries to fix it. Guys always want to be the hero for a girl they like, no matter how small the problem is.

26. If he tells a joke in a group conversation, he always looks to see if you laugh.

27. He makes eye contact with you.

28. He’s always asking about what you’re doing in your free time. He’s probably working up the courage to ask you out.

29. If you ask him his time of birth to look up his astrological chart, he calls his mom and finds out.

30. He compliments you.

31. He chooses a profile picture that has you in it.

32. He tries to show off his artistic side to you.

33. He talks about his future plans when you’re around, he wants you to know he is a stable guy.

34. He asks your friends about you.

35. He doesn’t make fun of your favorite boy band.

36. He notices when you get a haircut.

37. He tries to teach you things, especially if teaching you involves touching.

38. He often texts you first, and replies quickly when you text him.

39. When you’re in a group conversation, he is always facing you.