How to pretend to be in love with someone

How to pretend to be in love with someone

It’s easy to pretend that your relationship is going well, even if you don’t actually believe it. When you love someone and you’ve been with them for so long, you likely won’t want to do anything that can hurt them. But when you’re pretending to be happier in your relationship than you actually are, faking it can only last so long. According to experts say, it will show.

People stay in relationships where they’re unhappy for a number of reasons. “Some people really struggle with change and the simple thought of splitting their lives apart really unsettles them,” Jenna Birch, CEO of Plum dating app and author of The Love Gap, tells Bustle. Some may also stay due to attachment issues or social pressures (i.e. all their friends are in relationships and they don’t want to be the only single one).

According to Birch, “The challenging part of relationships is that a lot of people think that if they’re ‘not bad,’ they must be pretty good.” This of course, isn’t necessarily true. “There should always be new reasons to invest in your partner all the time, and an evolving relationship will make you happy and excited,” she says.

If it doesn’t, you’ll be stuck pretending that you’re happy and experts say you may end up doing the following things in your relationship.

Posting About How “Amazing” Your Relationship Is On Social Media

There’s nothing wrong with tagging your posts with #RelationshipGoals. But as Amica Graber, relationship expert with TruthFinder, tells Bustle, be careful that you’re not trying to convince yourself that you’re actually happy in your relationship by posting about it on social media. “A recent study from Northwestern University found that those who post frequently about their relationship on social media are actually insecure about it,” Graber says. “If you’re experiencing problems in your relationship, it’s possible that you start looking for outside validation in the form of ‘likes’ to make up for something missing.”

Constantly Bickering With Each Other Over Small Things

You and your partner may not have huge fights all the time. But if you’re bickering over seemingly little issues like forgetting to take out the trash or being ten minutes late to a date, Birch says, you might be pretending to be happy. Although these may not seem like big relationship-ending fights, they do create blockages to intimacy. When you’re bickering with each other all the time, you’re only pushing each other away.

Going Along With Everything Your Partner Says For The Sake Of It

Alternatively, if a “once-assertive partner” starts agreeing with everything the other says, that’s not a good sign. According to Birch, they’ve likely stopped expressing their needs and the things that bother them because they’ve checked out. When passion for the relationship is lost, the will to fight tends to go with it.

Forgetting To Celebrate Important Dates

Birthdays, anniversaries, and major holidays are worth remembering and celebrating. But if you have no desire to celebrate these days with your partner or if your partner keeps forgetting important dates, Birch says your relationship may not be as happy as you think it is. Remembering your anniversary or your partner’s birthday shows that you care. If you and your partner don’t make it a point to celebrate these dates when you used to before, it’s time to check in with yourself and your partner about what you want.

Living Vicariously Through Your Single Friends

When you’re not as content in your relationship as you feel like you should be, you might find yourself longing for a different situation. According to Birch, you may jump at the chance to hear your single friends talk about their dating experiences because a part of you wants that “freedom to explore” again. Even if you don’t voice it, you may even experience pangs of jealousy. Hearing all about your friends’ adventures in dating might provide you with an escape from the reality of your relationship now.

Comparing Your Relationship With Others

When you’re secretly unhappy in your relationship, you may find yourself comparing your relationship or your partner to other people. According to Birch, you may start thinking about what you really want in a relationship and realize that your partner doesn’t match up. “When a friend tells you about something special they did with their partner or something their partner did for them, you may feel sad that you and your partner doesn’t have that same passion or connection anymore,” she says. This sadness doesn’t come from jealousy. Instead, it comes from a realization that your relationship may not be the right one for you.

Moving The Relationship At A Super Fast Pace

“A relationship that moves at a supernatural speed should raise a few red flags,” Graber says. “There is no need to rush anything in a healthy relationship.” If you feel the need to jump from one major relationship milestone to the next in a very short period of time, you may need to take a step back and ask yourself why. If you’re really looking to spend forever together, what’s the rush? “Over-commitment in the first few months of a relationship (like moving in together or getting engaged) [can be] a sign that you’re trying to compensate for something lacking in your relationship,” she says. More often than not, relationships that move fast in a short period of time end up burning out just as fast.

When you love someone, it’s easy to pretend that things are going fine when they’re not. But both you and your partner deserve to be happy. When you realize that you’re just pretending to be happy in your relationship, the next step is to talk to your partner about it. Your relationship isn’t doomed to fail if you both put in the effort to turn things around. According to Birch, make suggestions about ways to “reinvigorate the spark.” Think about what’s going right and what needs improvement. If you and your partner are committed to making things last, you will make the changes necessary to have a happy and fulfilling relationship.

‘Enduring love always involves a modicum of pretence.’ Photograph: Alamy

‘Enduring love always involves a modicum of pretence.’ Photograph: Alamy

W hat a week for science! For not only has the so-called God particle finally been discovered, but research from the University of Hertfordshire has proven the truth of a phenomenon that, much like Peter Higgs, many of us have long had a hunch about – albeit based on the time we fell wildly in love with the person who played the Romeo to our Juliet in the school play, rather than years of research in theoretical physics. Put simply: a psychologist has found that if you pretend you love someone and go through the motions to demonstrate it that you would if you were really in love, you are more likely to find that – surprise! – indeed, you are.

With the aid of a crack team of 100 speed daters, Professor Richard Wiseman has demonstrated that people on speed dates who acted like they were already in love, through intense eye-gazing, touching, and the sharing of secrets, were more likely to indicate an interest in seeing each other again, in contrast with those who adhered to standard speed dating conventions. (In my experience, these conventions meant maintaining a friendly smile while various men described to me things like what vegetables they’d be if they were vegetables, only for them to abandon the conversation at the behest of a three-minute timer, in many cases before they’d really drilled down to what was at the crux of their affinity with beetroot. I really didn’t want any of them to gaze intensely in to my eyes, much less touch me.)

While falling in love might ideally be an activity that occurs on a plane more elevated than that on which many of the rest of our usual activities happen, the fact is that its mechanics can be equally mundane. And going through the motions to trick ourselves into thinking that we are happy with our lot is something that we do to cope with many other crucial challenges in our lives. We force grins until we find that we feel cheerful; we wear jumpers that our nans knitted us until we begin to feel that maybe they’re not hideously ugly; we behave as if we like our colleagues because we have no choice but to see them daily. While pretending that we love someone until we really do love them may sound like it resembles the dreaded “settling” that believers in a certain kind of great romance are keen to avoid, Wiseman’s experiment merely simulates something that happens in every loving relationship – just usually not on the first date.

For enduring love always involves a modicum of pretence: really loving someone requires that you must behave as though you love them, deep down, even when they appal you. And appal you they will: no matter how genuinely smitten you are, eventually everyone you ever fall in love with will do something that is a bit horrifying. The difference between relationships that last and those that end in battles over the correct way to do washing-up (or something equally doable in an appalling way) is the ability to pretend to love your partner in spite of it, rather than flouncing off to locate someone who hasn’t yet been appalling. In fact, I think that this kind of pretending is probably among the most loving things you can do in a committed relationship; nothing says “I really do care” quite like “I won’t leave you even though sometimes I find you kind of disgusting.”

And thus Wiseman’s method of speed dating may simply be a way of moving a bit fast: manifesting a form of behaviour at the very beginning of a relationship that we usually reserve for employment once relationships are well-established. Everyone hates the initial, awkward stages of dating anyway, so perhaps this could be a truly exciting new way of skipping to the good stuff: if you can pretend that you love someone when you’ve just met them, just imagine the possibilities of pretending that might lie ahead as you build a life together. I don’t blame you if you’re feeling a bit swoony at the prospect. Or at least feigning it.

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‘Enduring love always involves a modicum of pretence.’ Photograph: Alamy

‘Enduring love always involves a modicum of pretence.’ Photograph: Alamy

W hat a week for science! For not only has the so-called God particle finally been discovered, but research from the University of Hertfordshire has proven the truth of a phenomenon that, much like Peter Higgs, many of us have long had a hunch about – albeit based on the time we fell wildly in love with the person who played the Romeo to our Juliet in the school play, rather than years of research in theoretical physics. Put simply: a psychologist has found that if you pretend you love someone and go through the motions to demonstrate it that you would if you were really in love, you are more likely to find that – surprise! – indeed, you are.

With the aid of a crack team of 100 speed daters, Professor Richard Wiseman has demonstrated that people on speed dates who acted like they were already in love, through intense eye-gazing, touching, and the sharing of secrets, were more likely to indicate an interest in seeing each other again, in contrast with those who adhered to standard speed dating conventions. (In my experience, these conventions meant maintaining a friendly smile while various men described to me things like what vegetables they’d be if they were vegetables, only for them to abandon the conversation at the behest of a three-minute timer, in many cases before they’d really drilled down to what was at the crux of their affinity with beetroot. I really didn’t want any of them to gaze intensely in to my eyes, much less touch me.)

While falling in love might ideally be an activity that occurs on a plane more elevated than that on which many of the rest of our usual activities happen, the fact is that its mechanics can be equally mundane. And going through the motions to trick ourselves into thinking that we are happy with our lot is something that we do to cope with many other crucial challenges in our lives. We force grins until we find that we feel cheerful; we wear jumpers that our nans knitted us until we begin to feel that maybe they’re not hideously ugly; we behave as if we like our colleagues because we have no choice but to see them daily. While pretending that we love someone until we really do love them may sound like it resembles the dreaded “settling” that believers in a certain kind of great romance are keen to avoid, Wiseman’s experiment merely simulates something that happens in every loving relationship – just usually not on the first date.

For enduring love always involves a modicum of pretence: really loving someone requires that you must behave as though you love them, deep down, even when they appal you. And appal you they will: no matter how genuinely smitten you are, eventually everyone you ever fall in love with will do something that is a bit horrifying. The difference between relationships that last and those that end in battles over the correct way to do washing-up (or something equally doable in an appalling way) is the ability to pretend to love your partner in spite of it, rather than flouncing off to locate someone who hasn’t yet been appalling. In fact, I think that this kind of pretending is probably among the most loving things you can do in a committed relationship; nothing says “I really do care” quite like “I won’t leave you even though sometimes I find you kind of disgusting.”

And thus Wiseman’s method of speed dating may simply be a way of moving a bit fast: manifesting a form of behaviour at the very beginning of a relationship that we usually reserve for employment once relationships are well-established. Everyone hates the initial, awkward stages of dating anyway, so perhaps this could be a truly exciting new way of skipping to the good stuff: if you can pretend that you love someone when you’ve just met them, just imagine the possibilities of pretending that might lie ahead as you build a life together. I don’t blame you if you’re feeling a bit swoony at the prospect. Or at least feigning it.

Follow Comment is free on Twitter @commentisfree

“I love you” is one of the most used words globally, very easy to say, but only a few mean it. The word love means so many different things, depending on the context and the person using it. It’s often used in a new relationship and even after the relationship is no more. That she constantly reminds you of how much she loves you, doesn’t mean she is into you. How will you know when she is pretending to love you? Her actions don’t match her words; this is just one out of the many signals.

How to pretend to be in love with someone

Some ladies are very tricky, they show you all the signals they want a relationship with you, but in a real sense, they have interior motives. If you have ever come across such a lady, you can be in a relationship with her, but your instincts tell you something is wrong somewhere. At this stage, watch out for what she does than the things she says to you. These are some of the ways to clear your doubts. See more ideas below.

Table of Contents

She is very secretive

When a lady falls in love, she enjoys every bit of your conversation and feels like telling you every aspect of your life. She wants you to know some crucial things about her, including her likes and hates. This way, you will know how to please her. Most guys do miss out from this aspect in their relationship; she isn’t telling you about her day just for the fun of it; she only wants you to be part of her heart. On the contrary, when she refrains from discussing things that involve her, refuse to answer some private questions, it’s a sign she is pretending to love you.

Not willing to sacrifices anything for your relationship

Making sacrifices even when it is not convenient, is next to effective communication in a relationship. Without it, I doubt if any relationship can stand the test of time. When you are in love with a man, you must sacrifice certain things for him, the same way he sacrifices for you, else your love is one-sided.

Some women find it difficult to make sacrifices with their time because they are busy pursuing their dream careers. But they sacrifice every other thing to make their partner happy. When you are in a relationship where she refuses to sacrifices anything for you, it’s obvious she is pretending to love you.

She doesn’t admire you

Ladies stick to men for different reasons. Some ladies are good at falling for men just because of physical appearance; others lust after a guy who looks charming; they find it difficult to fall in love with such guys. Women only respect the men they genuinely love. As it is today in most marriages, some women have lost total control for their husbands. It’s not because he wronged them, but somewhere along the line, she noticed he was the poor choice she made.

In such situations, her love was quick to fade. If she admires something around you, rather than your personality, then she never loved you.

She has no regard for your family

This is the height of it. When you are into a relationship, and something goes wrong, she will be careful enough for your family members not to hear about it. I’m not sure any man can stand a quarrelling moment between his mom and spouse. They always try to maintain peace and happiness. Every mum or family deserves some level of respect from the woman married into the family. A woman who truly loves you will treat your mom with so much respect, if not for any reason, for the fact she is your mom.

There are times she is not in total agreement with your mother’s decisions, but she won’t argue. She will do her best to respect her personality. This is to show she understands the boundaries; she will let specific issues die down because she is in love with you. On the other hand, a lady who has no regard for your family won’t respect you. It is a sign she is not into you, but she is pretending to love you.

She puts her friends before you

Keeping friends requires quality and quantity time together; they want you around to help them fix one or two things. Or someone they can easily rely on when things go wrong. When a lady is in love, she loose two-third of her friends, to spend more time with you.

No doubt, the two parties in their relationship need to maintain their individuality at times, but her friends should come second after your relationship. When you notice she talks more about her friends, shows more care, prefers to go out with them, Put them first in everything she does, then I think its time to ask if she really loves you, or she is only pretending to love you.

She is not active in the relationship

Did you notice you are the one who starts every conversation, shows affection, cares for her, and does almost everything to make the relationship work? If she is genuinely in love with you, she won’t watch you do all this stuff by yourself. She is your partner and not a co-staff, so if she doesn’t support the relationship in any way, I think she never loved you.

She is emotionally disconnected

You can be in love with someone and be playing dice with their emotions at the same time. Being in a relationship involves the connection between two hearts. It is not a lady who pretends to love you but never constant. Today she showers you with so much love, and tomorrow you are not sure of your relationship status. Move on, bro. She is pretending to love you when she doesn’t even like you.

In the early stage of every relationship, a lady is very much attached to her man. You will be surprised how fast things tend to work for you two. This may be the temporary nature of your friendship. Later on, when she is to decide if to stay or quit the relationship. Her words and actions towards you during this period will tell if she is pretending to love you.

Let’s hear your questions and contributions on this topic in our comment session below.

Once I was at a wedding, celebrating love, talking with Brandon Dottin (@poweryogaguy) about love and about masculinity. He was telling me of a seminar he had attended recently where individuals were asked to go around in a circle saying, “I am worthy of love.” Brandon noticed that the men, himself included, had difficulty saying this phrase. I laughed with him about how perverse modern masculinity had become, but inside my heart was cold and still. I knew that if he asked me to say that sentence out loud, in front of strangers, I would have had a lot of trouble. Thankfully the conversation veered in a different direction but the thought stuck with me. Days later, alone in my bathroom, looking in the mirror and saying my daily affirmations I still had trouble saying it out loud. Learning to love ourselves can be challenging. Over the years I’ve picked up a few simple, actionable tactics that have improved my relationship with myself.

Create the Possibility of a Loving Relationship with Yourself – by naming a plant after you! Before this conversation with Brandon I never asked myself if I was worthy of love. I knew people loved me, wasn’t always sure why, but never asked if I deserved it (spoiler alert – I do, and so do you). I knew that if I ever wanted to embrace my worth as a truth I would have to at least create the possibility of me being worthy and see how it felt. So I started with a plant. I actually got this idea from an instagram post and it has worked wonders as a practice towards self-love. The idea was to name one of your plants after yourself so that every time you nurtured and cared for that plant you could conceptualize caring for yourself. When you spoke to the plant lovingly (you DO talk to your plants, right!?) you would be speaking kind words to yourself. As the plant flourished and grew you could take pride in its growth, and by extension in your growth. Like a child playing house this practice allowed me to “try on” what it would feel like to be the kind of person who loves themself. It turns out, it feels great! Once I knew how it would feel it was time to take things out of the playground and into the “real” world.

How to pretend to be in love with someoneLittle Nicky is a Pearls n’ Jade Pothos I got at Trader Joe’s

Make it Easy for You to Love You – by putting self care in the third person. When it comes to caring for others I consider myself a superstar. If I know there is a need that I can help fulfill I’ll do whatever I have to. If I’ve got an hour in between classes and I can either eat lunch or exercise my dog, we’re heading to the park. If my partner needs to be at the airport at the crack of dawn I’ll lose an hour or two of sleep without thinking twice. If someone tells me they’re only in town for a day and it happens to be on my one day off of the week, well, it’s just one hour right? No problem. I am proud of my willingness and capability to help others. But in every example, it’s me who gets pushed to the side. Even when I promise myself I’ll leave a day open just for me, it’s never a big deal to break that promise because I know I’’ll get over it. If anyone is unaware, this strategy does not work. So I started thinking of myself and my self-care actives as if they were someone else. Instead of putting “Eat Lunch” on my to-do list I write “Take Nick to Lunch.” Instead of writing “Workout” I create an appointment with Nick (one of my most challenging clients). Instead of blocking out time just for me I write “Take Nick Birding.” With this tactic I am able to use my people-pleasing skills to my advantage. I’m not asking myself to make an intimidating, paradigm-shifting change. I’m just changing some phrasing. And the amazing thing is it works! These activities go from negotiable, semi-important tasks to imperative, helpful, self-affirming actions. I am able to treat myself with the same value and respect as I would treat anyone else. But what I do is only part of who I am. My rich internal monologue still resists and insists I’m kind of the worst. So how do we practice loving self-talk?

Learn to Speak Lovingly to Yourself – by pretending you are a friend. This last suggestion is one with which my athletes will be very familiar. No one who has studied under me would call me excessively kind. When something is good, I will say so. When something is not good I will not hesitate to say that as well. I am not mean, but I’m also not a confectioner. I’m not going to sugar-coat it.

How to pretend to be in love with someoneThis is not me.

I believe that by identifying and acknowledging a problem I create an avenue to solve that problem or change that situation. Saying, “this could stand some improvement” sounds harsh but is actually an act of kindness. Pretending it isn’t an issue would be the real betrayal. When people train with me I do not allow them to talk negatively about themselves. I don’t allow people to say “I can’t,” I only allow people to say “I’m having trouble.” Similarly I don’t allow people to say “I suck at this.” I do allow people to say “I want to get better at this” or “this needs improvement.” What is fascinating to me is that while I have had this self-talk conversation dozens, possibly hundreds of times, I have never once had to admonish an athlete for saying something negative about their friend or the person lifting next to them. Even if we may sometimes think, “Wow, they are a terrible lifter,” we would never say that out loud. We speak to our friends with encouragement, we focus easily (perhaps even excessively) on the positive. It can be hard to notice negative self talk without someone else to help you hear the negativity, so I became my own sounding board. When I talk about myself I say “My friend Nick…” Suddenly my willingness to say something negative is gone. Instead of “I suck at finishing my pull” I say “My friend Nick… needs to work on finishing his pull.” Once again we are using our natural disinclination for cruelty to our advantage. By talking about ourselves as if we were someone else we make it easier for us to speak kindly.

Perhaps it is easier to love other people because we know so little about them. Perhaps our revulsions at ourselves comes from knowing every word of our interior monologue. Perhaps the difficulty in loving ourselves is the result of being bombarded by capitalist pro-consumption marketing from the moment we are old enough to behold a screen. I don’t think it really matters why one is easy to love and other is not. All that matters is that we try.

Learning to love yourself is hard. It’s not going to happen miraculously one day or just because you read an article, however compelling. Who we are is a result of what we do. By using what comes naturally to us (love of others) we create space to become the person we want to be (love of self). Try just one, or try all three, but either way try. You are worth it— you are worthy of love— just like me.

Some people aren’t as joyful as you think they are.

Some of them are pretending to be happy and just going through the motions.

I understand how easy it can be. I’ve pretended to be many things in my life, including a content individual. Although it’s clear now that I wasn’t fulfilled, I once thought that I was.

So many of us are pretending to be happy and telling our friends about our wondrous lives. The thing is, we’re cheating ourselves out of true happiness.

How to tell if you’re only pretending to be happy

Being truly happy and trying to make others think you’re happy looks similar. But, if you pay close attention, you can see the signs that you’re only pretending. There will always be this awkward feeling that something’s just not right in your life.

Here are a few other signs to help you get to the bottom of this charade.

1. You’re always positive

Let me be clear about something. It’s not a bad thing to be positive. However, you will notice that people who are pretending to be happy will usually be over-the-top positive. Their smiles will usually be huge and they will always speak in this cheerful voice.

Again, I’m not saying this is a bad thing, but it will be noticeably abnormal from someone who is truly happy. Those who pretend to be happy will deny any form of negativity whatsoever…even if it’s warranted.

2. You’re pushing people away

You might not realize what you’re doing at first, but over time, the truth will be revealed. It will be noticeable that you’re pushing people away due to your unhappiness. You will try, in vain, to convince others of your joy, but those who truly know you will recognize the signs of your unhappiness.

You will make excuses to stay away from events or social gatherings. When you start pushing people away and spending more and more time alone, it could be a sign that you’re pretending to be happy.

3. Mood swings

Mood swings don’t always come from hormonal changes or disorders. Sometimes they happen because you are in emotional pain and trying to hide the fact. Usually, you will start to experience severe mood swings when you’re trying your hardest to pretend to be happy.

This is because your true emotions are having a hard time staying hidden from the public eye. Maybe, at times, you want to scream, but instead, you smile. Eventually, you will lash out in one way or the other, having severe mood swings at random moments.

4. Too much screen time

When you’re pretending to be happy, you will spend way too much time looking at your phone, television or the computer. I believe it’s a way to distract your mind from whatever is making you unhappy, to begin with.

It seems that more and more people appear to be faking happiness, and it shows the increase in the obsession with technology. Not enough people are stepping away from the screen to examine what’s really bugging them.

5. Substance abuse

Substance abuse is one of the most obvious signs that you’re not really happy is your consumption of alcohol or drugs. If you’re drinking every day or partaking of drug use, then you might not be happy at all.

Let’s just face it, you’re probably pretty miserable and that’s why you’re attempting to drink your problems away. If you think you’re just social drinking, think again. You might be self-medicating.

6. You’ve resorted to bragging

Most people, who aren’t really happy, will brag about how happy they are. They will tell their family and friends about all the good things that are happening in their lives. Unfortunately, these are lies.

While there are plenty of people who brag about the things they do have, there are just that many more that brag about fake accomplishments. This is because they have nothing to actually brag about at all. Surprisingly, there are more of these people than you think.

7. You’re living in the past

Nothing’s wrong with reminiscing about the past at times, but dwelling there is unhealthy. For those who pretend to be happy, living in the past becomes a normal routine.

Some days, you may sit for hours and think about lost loved ones or failed relationships. Yes, the past can be endearing, but it can be a hiding place for those who aren’t happy.

How to stop pretending to be happy and bring back true happiness

It’s time to stop pretending. It’s time to find the culprit of your unhappiness and make due changes.

Remember, the first step to getting better is recognizing the problem. After you understand what’s holding you back, you can begin the process of cultivating true happiness.

If you feel overwhelmed by the truth of your situation, then seek support and even professional help. It’s better to seek help than to go it alone.

Finding true happiness isn’t possible unless you’re honest with your feelings. So, it’s time to face the negativity so that happiness can find a way into your heart. Yes, it will take time, but there is always hope for healing.

References:

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With the growth of LGBTQ awareness, many people are openly expressing their sexual orientation at least with their families. However, some men are still stuck in constant fear from society and from the people around them. Thus they pretend to be straight and try to hide their complete sexual orientation for years together. As they tend to be more anxious and depressed (because of hiding their originality), one needs to support them and help them come out of the fear bubble they are battling.

So, how to know if a man is closeted? What are the clear signs a guy is pretending to be straight? How can you tell if a guy is faking to be straight? Let us see..

6 Clear Signs A Guy Is Pretending To Be Straight (Closeted Man Signs)

Do you know.. Guys who pretend to be straight, whom constantly try to hide their sexual orientations are known as closeted gay men. So how to know if a person is a secret closeted gay man? What are the clear-cut signs you need to look out for, if a guy is pretending to be straight..

1. Criticizing the Exact same thing they fear of getting exposed:

One of the most common things people do (to hide something) – is by criticizing the exact same thing they fear people would find out from them. The same applies to closeted gay men too. As said, they constantly fear that people would somehow find out their sexual orientation, one day. Thus as a defense mechanism, many such men criticize what they are hiding.

A Closeted man intentionally crack anti-gay jokes, make fun of gays, forcefully laugh together with boys who laugh at gays. Thus he averse himself from all gayish things and act as if he hate gays, just to strongly convince people that he is straight and ‘manly’.

In fact, a recent study by science daily has even concluded that such disparaging jokes are a way for some men to reaffirm their shaky sense of self, especially when they feel their masculinity is being threatened. Thus anti-gay jokes are one of the most most most common things closeted gays crack since they have an extreme fear of being caught as a gay.

2. Makes Fake Coverups about their current life:

So is he telling some ‘out of the box’ coverups like “I want to focus only on my career and studies” “I’m not ready to date” “I’m busy” “I haven’t met a right woman till now” etc (regarding relationships)? Then there could be a clear chance that he might be secretly pretending to be straight, while tactically covering up his love and gay sex life.

Although some straight men who say these do not necessarily mean they are gay, however many closeted gay men tend to make hundreds of such fake coverups when someone questions them regarding their current love/sex life. Common coverups include showing up as if they are nerds or a person who has been waiting for the ‘one’. Some closeted gays even try to immerse themselves in sports-related activities (with men around) and show it as an excuse for not having a girlfriend.

3. The Awkwardness is visible:

We know gays are sexually attracted to men. However, there are many gay men who are still striving to openly tell their sexual preference. Thus with a constant fear of covering up their sexual orientation, they are continuously under pressure that someone exposes or finds out that they are gay.

So, when someone is under such intense pressure, even the slightest of things can trigger the deepest worries. The same happens with closeted gay men too. So if a guy is stiffening up and acting awkwardly when another man touches him in the presence of others, then there is a huge chance that he is pretending to be straight.

Putting arms around, giving friendly punches, sometimes even hugs are common among straight male friends. However, when the same things are done with a person who is a closeted gay, he may instantly be worried (and may feel uncomfortable), as he feels that one of his secret identity is being revealed.

4. Over sexualizing Women and discussing unusually more sexist and sex topics:

Although this is not very much commonly seen, however, some extremely closeted men do some drastic things to cover up their secrets. One of such drastic things is over sexualizing women that even some extreme straight men would find disturbing.

Some also tend to have the habit of excessively talking and discussing men-women sexual topics just as an extreme way of showing people that he is a straight man. Thus doing so they think that no one would ever doubt their sexuality and that he is gay.

Of course, we may not think that a particular person is gay if he himself talks about women and heterosexual topics .. Maybe that’s what your guy could be thinking too…

5. Occasionally dating girls and Telling excessive stories about it:

Yes, you heard it right, some closeted gay men can sometimes even occasionally date girls (without having any intention to make love) just to show the world that they are straight. Of course, the date may never go into a serious relationship with sex, however, it is enough for him to use it as armor for hiding his actual sexual orientation.

So, is a guy excessively telling you stories about the dates he went on, even though if it didn’t turn into a relationship, then chances are that he could be using it as a shield and pretending to be straight.

6. Stressing out when hot guys are around:

Here is a story we got from a closeted gay in one of the forums –

So I was surrounded by hot guys. It was the most I’ve ever had to pretend to be straight. My instincts told me there were a lot of great guys around – there were – just I had to fight the urge to check them out because then his friend might have found out I’m not straight. There was one guy, around my age, in the hot tub by himself who I think saw me checking him out and smiled… let’s just say the whole experience while having to “act straight” was awkward.

As you could hear from his story as to how he stresses himself out when hot guys are around him. Yes, when a guy is pretending to be straight, he doesn’t want to leave any clue that he is gay. Thus having more guys around can make him more anxious and he thinks too much to even look at them properly. Thus these feelings stress him too much and make him behave in an awkward manner.

So, next time if a guy is stressing too much when other guys are around, it is a sign that he is pretending to be straight.

Some other signs like being super secretive about his browsing history, too much hiding of his personal matters, looking at men’s pictures with more interest (when compared to women), etc all show that he is a closeted guy who might be pretending to be straight

Don’t Push Him..

Although many gay men are coming out and openly expressing their sexual orientation, however, it is still seen as an unusual thing in many cultures and families. Thus it is genuinely sad, that many closeted gay men are still under the shadow pretending to be straight.

So, we must take at most care not to push them to reveal their sexual orientation. When they feel comfortable with you and trust you completely, they themselves open up to you. Thus acknowledge their fears, worries and let them open up for themselves. Until then it is not a humane thing to push a person to reveal personal things, which he wishes to hide.

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Seven research-based indicators that you’ve found the real thing.

Key points

  • Early in a relationship you may feel euphoria, which is actually heightened neural activity in dopamine-rich areas of the brain.
  • Other ways to tell if you’re in love include missing the person — this corresponds to your commitment — and feeling healthy jealousy.
  • Rusbult’s investment model shows that the staying power of relationships takes mutual investment and commitment.

How to pretend to be in love with someone

How do you know if you’re in love?

The answer can change so much about your life, from how you interact with a current (or potential) partner to how you view yourself to what goals you have for the future.

Think you might be in love? Gain some insight by considering these research-based signs of love and attachment.

  1. You’re addicted to this person. Love changes the brain. In early-stage relationships, that euphoria that people feel appears as heightened neural activity in dopamine-rich areas of the brain—areas linked to the reward system—and in areas associated with the pursuit of rewards. There’s even some hint of activity in the anterior cingulate, the area of the brain linked to obsessive thinking, which is a classic experience when people are falling in love (Aron, Fisher, Mashek, Strong, & Brown, 2005). As a relationship progresses into a long-term partnership, thinking about the partner activates the reward centers as well as brain areas implicated in attachment, but less so obsessive thinking (Acevedo, Aron, Fisher, & Brown, 2011).
  2. You really want your friends or family to like this person. New evidence shows that people are often motivated to “marshal support” for someone they are dating (Patrick & Faw, 2014), which is consistent with the idea that the people in a person’s social circle often play an important role in the success of a relationship (Sprecher, 2011). Being attuned to how your family and friends might think about your partner or potential partner is a good sign that you are becoming increasingly attached to the person.
  3. You celebrate this person’s triumphs (even when you yourself fail). If you’ve fallen in love with someone, you probably have an atypical reaction when witnessing them excelling at something you don’t. Because romantic partners feel connected and can share the outcomes of each other’s successes, romantic partners will often feel pride and positive emotions when they see their partner succeed, even at something they themselves can’t do, rather than feeling negative and inferior (Lockwood & Pinkus, 2014).
  4. You definitely like this person, and this person likes you. Liking is different from love but is often a prerequisite for falling in love. In a cross-cultural study, researchers showed that a critical factor recognized as directly preceding falling in love is reciprocal liking when you both clearly like each other (Riela, Rodriguez, Aron, Xu, & Acevedo, 2010). In addition, an evaluation of the other person’s personality as highly desirable tends to be a precursor to falling in love.
  5. You really miss this person when you’re apart. In many ways, how much you miss a person reflects how interdependent your lives have become. If you are questioning whether you love someone, perhaps consider how much you miss him or her when you’re apart. Le and colleagues (2008) showed that how much people miss each other tends to correspond with how committed they feel to the relationship.
  6. Your sense of self has grown through knowing this person. When people fall in love, their whole sense of self changes. They take on new traits and characteristics, growing in the diversity of their self-concept through the influence of their new relationship partner (Aron, Paris, & Aron, 1995). In other words, the you before falling in love is different from the you after falling in love. Maybe you feel the difference, maybe others notice it, but the things you care about, your habits, how you spend your time—and or all of this is subject to the (hopefully positive) influence of a new romantic partner.
  7. You get jealous—but not suspicious. A certain amount of jealousy is actually healthy, not toxic. From an evolutionary perspective, jealousy is an adaptation that helps relationships stay intact by making its members sensitive to potential threats. People who are jealous tend to be more committed to relationships (Rydell, McConnell, & Bringle, 2004). Keep the jealousy in check, though: Reactive or emotional jealousy is the type that is predicted by positive relationship factors like dependency and trust—but people who engage in suspicious jealousy, which includes taking actions like secretly checking a partner’s cellphone, tends to be associated with relational anxiety, low self-esteem, and chronic insecurity (Rydell & Bringle, 2007).

Falling in love and building an attachment are wonderful for a healthy relationship, but staying in a relationship (or, for that matter, choosing to start one) is often based on more than satisfaction and feeling good in another person’s presence. Models of relationship success (such as Rusbult’s investment model) show that the staying power of relationships takes mutual investment and commitment. If love is passion, security, and emotional comfort, commitment is the necessary decision made within one’s cultural and social contexts to be with that person.

Relationship observers—and people who watch romantic comedies—know that love needs the buttressing of commitment to flourish into a stable and healthy partnership.

Acevedo, B. P., Aron, A., Fisher, H. E., & Brown, L. L. (2012). Neural correlates of long-term intense romantic love. Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience, 7(2), 145-159.

Aron, A., Fisher, H., Mashek, D. J., Strong, G., Li, H., & Brown, L. L. (2005). Reward, motivation, and emotion systems associated with early-stage intense romantic love. Journal of Neurophysiology, 94, 327-337.

Aron, A., Paris, M., & Aron, E. N. (1995). Falling in love: Prospective studies of self-concept change. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 69, 1102-1112.

Crowley, J. P. and Faw, M. H. (2014). Support marshaling for romantic relationships: Empirical validation of a support marshaling typology. Personal Relationships, 21, 242–257. doi: 10.1111/pere.12029

Le, B., Loving, T. J., Lewandowski, G. W., Feinberg, E. G., Johnson, K. C., Fiorentino, R., & Ing, J. (2008). Missing a romantic partner: A prototype analysis. Personal Relationships, 15(4), 511-532.

Lockwood, P., & Pinkus, R. T. (2014). Social comparisons within romantic relationships. In Z. Krizan & F. X. Gibbons (Eds.), Communal Functions of Social Comparison, (p. 120-142). Cambridge University Press.

Riela, S., Rodriguez, G., Aron, A., Xu, X., & Acevedo, B. P. (2010). Experiences of falling in love: Investigating culture, ethnicity, gender, and speed. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 27(4), 473-493.

Rydell, R. J., & Bringle, R. G. (2007). Differentiating reactive and suspicious jealousy. Social Behavior and Personality: An International Journal, 35(8), 1099-1114.

Rydell, R. J., McConnell, A. R., & Bringle, R. G. (2004). Jealousy and commitment: Perceived threat and the effect of relationship alternatives. Personal Relationships, 11(4), 451-468.

Sprecher, S. (2011). The influence of social networks on romantic relationships: Through the lens of the social network. Personal Relationships, 18(4), 630-644.