By Undergroundnewsgh (self media writer) | 8 months ago
If your girlfriend tells you she’s pregnant, it can be quite a shock. Whether or not you expected the news, you can feel stressed, confused, happy, or all of these at once. You can cope with the news by letting your girlfriend express herself, and then sharing with her how you feel. Once the two of you get the facts and seek help, you can come to a decision about what to do.
1. Listen to your girlfriend. When your girlfriend tells you that she’s pregnant, you should remember that the situation will affect her more than anyone else. Let her say what’s on her mind before you talk. She may want to express her feelings, which can range from shock to denial to joy, or a mixture of many emotions at once. If your girlfriend tells you she’s pregnant, and doesn’t really say anything else, she might be looking for a sign that you care. Show her that you do and give her a chance to express herself by asking something neutral like “How do you feel about it?”
2. Stay calm. Take a deep breath before responding to what your girlfriend tells you. Don’t freak out, yell, say it’s her fault, say that your lives are ruined, or anything else overly dramatic. Recognize your own emotions. You might be confused, excited, angry, happy, or feel a combination of all of these. It’s ok to tell your girlfriend what you are feeling.
3. Let her know you care. Assuming that you will try to be supportive of your girlfriend, you should react by showing that you care about her and the situation, and will support any decision she makes. Saying something reassuring like “This is really big news, but don’t worry, I’m going to be there for you and help you with whatever you need” can be meaningful. This is especially true in cultures where pregnancy can bring shame to the family and lead to the girl getting ostracized.
4. Keep in contact with your girlfriend. If you want to be supportive of your girlfriend, then don’t run away or hide from her. Be there when she needs to talk, and make sure she can easily contact you when you’re apart. Keep in mind that she might need to talk more about the pregnancy later on, even after she first shares the news.
5. Learn about your options. Your girlfriend may have several options for handling a pregnancy. Before making a decision about what to do, make sure that she has good information about them. Your girlfriend may want to have the baby and parent it. This may or may not mean marriage or a long-term relationship. The two of you should discuss your long-term relationship plans in addition to the pregnancy. Your girlfriend may want to have the baby and offer it for adoption.
6. Be patient. Deciding how to handle a pregnancy, or share the news of it, can be very stressful. Give your girlfriend time to think, and don’t force her to make a rushed decision. In the meantime, help her out with whatever she needs: sleep, food, relaxation, chores, etc.
7. Talk about it. Maybe your girlfriend knows exactly what she wants to do about the pregnancy. On the other hand, she might be confused, unsure, or just not ready to make a decision. If she’s not sure, the two of you can start talking about your options and how to handle things. Common options for handling a pregnancy including having the baby and parenting it (as a single parent or a couple), offering it for adoption, or terminating it (having an abortion). Each of these options brings unique concerns, so your girlfriend shouldn’t rush to make a decision without getting information and thinking things through. The decision is ultimately up to your girlfriend, so you should support her without being demanding. Don’t push your girlfriend one way or another. Avoid making statements like “You need to…” or “You have to…” If your girlfriend is considering multiple options, let her know you care by saying something like “I’ll support you whatever your decision is.”
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If your girlfriend tells you she’s pregnant, it might be quite a shock for you. One night stands and [email protected] aside, these steps should help you to cope with a potentially overwhelming situation while supporting your girlfriend through a tough time.
Stay calm. This is the most important step. She’s probably just as confused as you are. Your freaking out about this won’t help at all.
Listen to her. Try not to jump to any conclusions. When she’s finished telling you, summarize the whole thing so that you both know and understand the whole situation.
Be certain. If it’s gotten to the stage that she’s telling you, she’s probably sure. As a parent, it’s also acceptable for you to ask her how she knew, and if she’s taken a test or seen a doctor.
Take responsibility. In a romantic relationship, the woman has to deal with pregnancy and she also deals with huge emotional and social disturbance depending upon her situation in life. Your support is valuable.
Consider your position. Are you ready to bring up a child? Is she? Do you love her enough to be with her long-term and raise a child? If she gives you time to think about how involved you want to be, use it. If you have doubts, express them.
Support her. Whatever she decides to do, don’t make her do it alone. No one should be going through pregnancy, abortion, or adoption alone. This is especially true in cultures where pregnancy can be a social embarrassment for the woman and may lead to extreme action, such as self-harm.
Know the legalities. Whether you decide to be romantically involved with the mother or not, your legal options and responsibilities will still apply. Familiarize yourself with your rights as a father. A lawyer or a father’s rights organization can help you.
Ask for help if you need to. Many others have gone through similar situations, and you don’t have to go it alone. Find support among your friends and family. If your girlfriend has sworn you to secrecy, find a confidential service that can provide advice, counseling and support. (See the external links below.)
Make rational decisions. For example, in some cultures pre-marital pregnancy is frowned upon – peer pressure affects a lot of people’s judgments. Pregnancy may or may not be a good reason to get married.
My girlfriend is pregnant and I don’t know what to do. I’m scared, overwhelmed, and a little ashamed that this happened. I’m not ready to be a dad, and I don’t think my girlfriend is ready to be a mom. We don’t have any money, we’re both about to graduate and are planning to go to different colleges, and we don’t have any experience with kids. What are we going to do? Is our only option other than keeping the baby to have an abortion? I don’t know if I could live with myself if we did that. I’m afraid to even mention it to my girlfriend. Does she even want to hear what I’m feeling? I know she must have way more going through her mind than I do, but shouldn’t I be able to talk about how I feel about everything?
Many expectant fathers have very similar trains of thought when they first hear that they are going to be a dad. It is completely understandable to be afraid, nervous, overwhelmed, and hesitant. It is important to think of your girlfriend’s feelings, but it is also important to remember that you do have the right to talk about the things you are feeling.
Your support is needed
The first thing you should try to do is to show support for your girlfriend (or even ex-girlfriend), because she is probably even more scared than you are. She is going to need someone to lean on while she goes through the initial emotions and steps she needs to go through. You will most likely need some time to process the news alone before you have a conversation with your girlfriend, and that is fine. It is probably best to filter what you want to say before you actually speak to your girlfriend, just to make sure you don’t say anything you might regret later. Once you have talked to your girlfriend and discussed how she is feeling and shown that you are supportive of her, you can talk about what is going through your head.
You absolutely have a say in the decision that is made regarding your child, but it is important to remember to be sensitive to how your girlfriend is feeling. After first hearing the news, your initial reaction might be to run. While this is a normal reaction, it must be acknowledged as a negative way to handle the news. Many women who are abandoned by their boyfriends after sharing the news of the pregnancy end up making rash decision regarding the baby because they feel scared and alone. These rash decisions could be avoided if the expectant fathers were brave enough to face the situation and discuss what would be best for all three involved parties.
You should never feel like you have no right to tell your girlfriend (or ex-girlfriend) that you either want to parent or want to make an adoption plan. If you feel certain that you are not ready to be a parent, you need to make that clear to the mother of your child. If you feel certain that you are ready to parent, you need to discuss that with your girlfriend. You both need to be open and honest about the way you want to approach parenting. It is not a good idea to say things simply because you think she might want to hear them. If you give her the wrong idea about your level of interest in either choosing to parent yourselves or choosing an adoption plan, there is the possibility of having to agree to something you didn’t want to agree tom in the first place.
Still have questions?
You might feel like you need to talk to someone who knows more about the process of pregnancy and what parenting would look like. Getting expert opinions is an excellent idea, because it is so important that you fully understand what parenting entails. If you are leaning more toward making an adoption plan, it is vital that you and your girlfriend meet with an options counselor from an agency who can explain to you what the adoption process might look like.
Before any decisions are made, be sure you have done as much research as possible. It is an overwhelming situation, but you and your girlfriend do not have to go through it alone. You have as much right as the expectant mother to ask for help and guidance when deciding how to approach the pregnancy. There is no need for you to feel like you are not part of the equation. You must be sensitive to your girlfriend’s (or ex-girlfriend’s) needs, but you don’t need to tiptoe around the issue. Many women crave input from the birth father, but never get it. Try to find the balance between walking away because you think she doesn’t need/want your help and pushing her into making a certain decision.
The options counselors at Legacy Adoptions are willing and able to help you discuss the options available to you and your girlfriend. Your counselor will be there for both of you as you sort through every emotion you are feeling. Contact a Legacy options counselor today by phone, chat, or email to begin the discussion.
Wife: “We’re pregnant!”
Top Tip: When your wife is nearly at her due date do not attend pointless seminar’s especially with an uncharged phone.
Before we found out, I had a feeling my wife, Rachel, was going to tell me she was pregnant. We’d had a test a couple of days earlier that came back negative but I still had that ‘gut feeling’. It certainly warmed me to the idea when I saw how upset my wife was, that it wasn’t positive. It also made me realise a child is the greatest thing that can happen to a happy couple. The fact we’d been married with a home had me struggling for excuses why we shouldn’t have a baby anyway. After all we were in love, happily married with a nice place and we were financially stable(ish). We were luckier than most. We took another test because my wife ‘just knew’. Apparently, home urine tests only show positive results 12-19 days after ovulation, you guessed it…it was a positive.
Growing up the thought of impregnating a lady filled me with dread. I always had a negative attitude toward the whole idea. Firstly due to difficult times within my side of the family. Secondly due to the schoolboy mentality that “girls stink!” amongst LADs and that you should never tie yourself down with kids. I could also barely look after myself, let alone another, smaller, more mobile human being reliant on me for survival. I had tried to do it once or twice before, taking care of my little sister, but was quickly removed from duty after an incident in a Florida Walmart. Yes, at the ripe old age of 2, my little sis wandered off whilst under my supervision (I was looking at wrestling magazines). After sprinting past my hysterical parents, I found her in the gun section. She was fine, I reckon it was a lot of fuss about nothing, I was 18. Yes, 18! Fast forward 11 years and I felt no more prepared.
During our pregnancy, barring one (minor) drunken meltdown which involved chucking slices of pizza and slavering on in the kitchen about how my life was over (stay with me, I’m not always this horrendous!), I managed to keep these insecurities well under wraps for the most part.
From experience I’ve learnt that as the due date draws nearer you’ll find yourself doing lots of waiting around, twiddling thumbs, waiting to bound into action like a coiled spring. Also, battling peer pressure and avoiding any social event that could lead to debauchery as a drunk Daddoo-to-be can’t drive his wife to the hospital. Similar to the time I attended a social media seminar around the 8-month mark, around Christmas, when Rachel got carted off in an ambulance from her place of work.
She happens to work in a school, and rumours quickly circulated amongst the kids and parents that my wife had given birth on the school floor and called the baby ‘Jesus’. I was none the wiser as my phone had run out of battery rendering me uncontactable. So I was sat in a plush hotel sipping on a lime and soda listening to information that I possibly already knew and more possibly would never use again. It was only when I returned home, charged my phone and found, to my horror, seven missed calls from the in-laws, that I realised I’d made a huge mistake. When I rang back I was mortified at what had happened and took a deserved, stern telling off from my wonderful mother-in-law.
I learnt my lesson and dug out a portable phone charger which I’d received two years previous for any future emergency charge situations. Needless to say I’ve never been back to a social media surgery. Come to think of it I’ve never used that portable charger either – I think it may still be in the car.
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I’m 17, going to be a senior and I just found out my girlfriend thinks she’s pregnant. She hasn’t taken a test yet but she’s late for her period and is planning to take a test this week. I’m not sure what to do if she’s pregnant. Can you help me?
Hearing the news that your girlfriend is pregnant can be shocking and scary. The first reaction is often one of disbelief. Maybe you’re feeling that this just can’t be real… at least not for you. Getting confirmation of the pregnancy is the first step. We offer free testing here at Pregnancy Resource Clinic and would love for her to come in for a test to make sure she is pregnant. You can even come with her if that would make her feel better.
If your girlfriend is pregnant, it’s going to be important for the two of you to spend some time talking. Often, when guys hear the news that their girlfriend might be pregnant their first reaction isn’t always the best. If you said things or acted in a way that hurt her feelings you may have to begin by apologizing. After that you need to talk and you both need to be honest about how you are feeling. Anger, fear, guilt, and resentment are common emotions many feel when facing an unplanned pregnancy. You should also begin to talk about your concerns and how you think the pregnancy will impact each of you. Be sure to listen to her during these conversations. It’s natural to focus on your feelings and how this impacts you, but now isn’t the time to be selfish. As you talk, this shouldn’t be a one-time conversation. You’ll need time to think, so be sure that you continue to communicate with each other over the next days and weeks. This will be one of the biggest decisions of your life and you don’t have to rush things. You have time to consider all your options. And as you talk, let her know she is not in this alone, that you are stepping up and taking responsibility.
Once you’ve had some time to talk and share your concerns, it’s time to start coming up with a plan. Often young couples aren’t aware of all the options available to them.
As the father you have 6 options when your girlfriend is pregnant.
1. Help Parent –
Taking responsibility for your actions and supporting both mother and child is honorable. This may mean you have to pick up a part-time job or adjust your school schedule. You’re not the first teen father and this is doable. We can even help talk through options with you.
2. Get Married and Raise Child Together –
For some couples, getting married is the best option. They love each other and are committed to working together as a family. Sometimes they just need a little help. At PRC we offer classes that can help you learn to be a good parent as well as provide some material help such as diapers and baby clothes.
3. Temporary Foster Care –
If you just aren’t able to care for a child, sometimes placing your baby in temporary care while you get it together is the best option. This allows you to make the final decision of whether or not to parent without all the pressure you are feeling now.
4. Help Place the Baby for Adoption –
This can be a loving, unselfish choice and, depending on the circumstances, this can be the best option for the child. There are a few types of adoption available if this is the option you and your girlfriend choose. We have resources and staff that can help you navigate the process if this is the best option for you.
5. Abandon the mother and child –
While this is always an option, it’s one we hope you wouldn’t consider. While it may seem like the easy way out, you should consider the long-term consequences. Will you feel proud of this decision in 10 or 20 years? Whether you want this baby, whether you love this girl, you’re still a father and you have a responsibility to your child.
6. Abortion –
This is also an option and often seems like the easy choice, a way to just make it all go away. As you consider this option you should be aware that there might be long lasting emotional consequences for the mother and yourself as well as possible physical issues.
As you process all your options, sometimes it’s helpful to sit down with someone who isn’t involved to talk about how you’re feeling and what option is best for you. Our team at PRC is available and would love to listen and help in any way we can.
Once you’ve had some time to come up with a plan you will need to have a conversation with both your parents and hers. Here are 5 tips on how to prepare for that conversation.
If it turns out your girlfriend isn’t pregnant, that doesn’t mean you’re in the clear. We would encourage you both to have a free STI test to make sure you aren’t infected, even if you’ve only been with each other. And we’d love to talk about how you can avoid finding yourself in this situation again.
This article was co-authored by Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP. Rebecca Tenzer is the owner and head clinician at Astute Counseling Services, a private counseling practice in Chicago, Illinois. With over 18 years of clinical and educational experience in the field of mental health, Rebecca specializes in the treatment of depression, anxiety, panic, trauma, grief, interpersonal relationships using a combination of Cognitive Behavioral therapy, Psychodynamic therapy, and other evidence-based practices. Rebecca holds a Bachelor of Arts (BA) in Sociology and Anthropology from DePauw University, a Master in Teaching (MAT) from Dominican University, and a Master of Social Work (MSW) from the University of Chicago. Rebecca has served as a member of the AmeriCorps and is also a Professor of Psychology at the collegiate level. Rebecca is trained as a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist (CBT), a Certified Clinical Trauma Professional (CCTP), a Certified Grief Counseling Specialist (CGCS), a Clinical Anxiety Treatment Professional (CCATP), and a Certified Compassion Fatigue Professional (CCFP). Rebecca is also a member of the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Society of America and The National Association of Social Workers.
There are 17 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.
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If your teenage friend is pregnant, it can be an overwhelming and frightening experience for her. There are many ways you can be supportive of her during this stressful and scary time. She may need help with day-to-day activities like managing in school or getting a ride to a doctor’s appointment. She may feel depressed and need someone to talk to. And no matter what, she will need people to support her decision about what she decides to do about her pregnancy. Having good friends support her during this difficult time will help her physical, emotional, and social health.
Finding out your unwed daughter is pregnant is a shock no Christian parent wants to face, but many do. Try as hard as we might, we cannot keep our children from the consequences of their sin. So what can you do if your unwed, church-raised daughter becomes pregnant?
Tricia Goyer, once an unwed, teen mom herself, offers some excellent advice for parents in this situation in her blog post, When Your Church-Raised Daughter is Pregnant.
Though emotions are running high, Tricia encourages Mom and Dad to “take a deep breath… and remember that even more important than winning this battle is staying connected with your daughter’s heart.” She offers two ways to do that.
First, offer lots of love and grace. This is not necessarily the time for tough love. If your daughter understands the gospel, Tricia explains, she already knows she has sinned. What she needs now is love and grace. Remind your daughter (and yourself!) that though she is dealing with the consequences of sin, God’s loves us and his grace is always available to us. Support her in her decision to choose life for her unborn child.
If you have younger, impressionable children, Tricia offers this advice: “Sit down with all them and be very open and upfront about the choices your daughter made. Talk about what God’s Word says and why His way is a better way. Also, pray together for their sister and this baby.”
Second, equip her for motherhood. If we are truly pro-life, we will care for the safety and well being of children not just in the womb, but throughout all of life. Helping your daughter prepare for motherhood is one way to do this. Tricia recommends reading through books on motherhood together. If your daughter is considering adoption, helping her find a reputable adoption agency is a must.
Your first reaction to this shocking news might be to shun or kick your daughter out of your home, but Crosswalk contributor Chuck Snyder strongly advices against this. In a letter to parents who decided to kick their child out after she became pregnant, Snyder writes,
“The thing that helps me the most, is to remember that God forgave me of my sins, so it really isn’t that much to ask of us that we forgive others…now the project is to treat your daughter with unconditional love when you do have contact with her.
If she came back, I would accept her with open arms like the prodigal son’s father did in the Bible. In fact, it says that he saw him coming from a “distance,” which implies to me that the father was looking for his son. I don’t know if you can do this, but I really do think it would change both of your lives.”
What should the church do when one of their own finds herself unmarried and pregnant? Again, if the church claims to be pro-life but has no available resources or support systems for unplanned pregnancies, are we really as pro-life as we claim?
Jennifer Maggio, founder of The Life of a Single Mom Ministries, strongly pleads with the church to consider how to support these women.
“Do you realize that MOST women abort because they simply do not feel they can effectively parent the child? Whether it be finances, young ages, emotional stability, or parenting skills, these women feel overwhelmed and scared. So here’s my question:
What is it that you, the church, are doing about it?
Although there are some incredible pregnancy crisis clinics out there and awesome initiatives to save unborn children, the work is not done!
67% of all single parents do not actively attend church. Many cite fear of judgment as a primary reason.
Once we save the child via a pregnancy crisis center or caring conversation with a friend, what is the next step? Where do you send her? How do you support her? What about when the child is now five and the mother is overwhelmed and exhausted?”
By creating single-parenting ministries and offering to be extra hands and feet for scared, unsupported mothers, the church has the opportunity to show the love of grace of Christ.
Helping an unwed mother does not mean you are disregarding her sin. When the woman who had been caught in adultery was brought to the temple to be publicly put to death, Jesus didn’t tell her or the Pharisees that she was sinless. In fact, he acknowledged her sin and commanded her to “from now on sin no more.”
But Jesus also protected her, reminding her executioners of their own sin and challenging them to throw a stone only if they were sinless. After saving the woman from death, Jesus offered her grace. “Neither do I condemn you,” he told her.
Can we, as a church, give both grace and truth to unwed mothers (and fathers), just as we do for those who have sinned in other ways? I cannot image our Savior wanting us to respond in any other way.
If She’s Acting Distant, This Is What You Need To Do
The Dating Nerd is a shadowy figure whose whereabouts and identifying details remain unknown. What we do know is that he is really, really good at dating. He’s been on more dates than you can shake a lengthy bar tab at, and he’s here to help the average guy step his dating game up a notch — or several.
Things have been going great with my girlfriend. We started dating about four months ago, and honestly they’ve been the best four months of my life. Or at least, the first three and a quarter were. Lately she keeps acting kind of distant and I don’t know why. I just keep noticing instances of her being less talkative, I feel like. Is the relationship doomed or what? I don’t have a lot of relationship experience, and I wasn’t expecting things to get difficult this early on. How do I approach this? What the hell did I do?
– Dying By Distance
Hi Dying By Distance,
I’m really really glad that you wrote me, because, as it happens, I do know exactly why your girlfriend is being so weird. Listen: last time you showered at her place, you left a pubic hair on her beautiful new bar of organic goat milk soap. Now, on a normal day this wouldn’t have been such a problem — she grudgingly acknowledges that you have hair, which sometimes falls off — but she was already in a foul mood, and, on this particular day, your hair triggered a full-on breakdown. She raged around her apartment, breaking furniture and glasses, her face a contorted mask of rage. Then she drank her weight in tequila at the local bar, punched the bouncer in the face, left, and set a hospital on fire. In the morning, she realized she’d kind of overreacted, but she’s still a little bit mad at you, and that’s why she’s acting so strangely.
I’m kidding, obviously. I have no idea why she’s mad. If I were some sort of mystical girlfriend psychic, I wouldn’t be writing advice columns — I’d be working for the CIA, mentally spying on the wives of diplomats. Really, your girlfriend could be mad for any one of a thousand reasons. Maybe you said something stupid about her family that you didn’t think was rude, but she did. Maybe you aren’t doing that sex thing she wants. (Your life will be better if you start doing that sex thing she wants.) Maybe you smell bad lately. I have no idea. Presumably you’re roughly as annoying as anybody else, so you could be pissing her off in multiple ways.
But when somebody’s being distant, it’s usually because they’re concealing some kind of conflict that they don’t know how to talk about. So your girlfriend is pissed off at you, but she doesn’t want to discuss her specific grievance. Now, she’s probably not giving you the silent treatment just because she wants to drive you insane and make you write despairing emails to anonymous Internet columnists. She’s probably just afraid that you won’t take her seriously, or it’ll blow up into some big fight. So she’s trying to smother her feelings, rather than open up.
This is irritating, I know. But try to keep in mind that women, generally, really aren’t encouraged to be as outspoken as dudes are. In many, many, many workplaces, men who enthusiastically embrace conflict and speak their mind are regarded as badass Don Draper-types, whereas women who do so are regarded as irritating troublemakers. Women are praised for quietly getting along, not for stirring the pot. So this isn’t just about you. This is as a result of training she’s received from douchebags her entire life.
Probably, she thinks she’s doing you both a favor by minimizing the situation. However, she’s not an Oscar-winning actress, so she can’t conceal her feelings completely — her hidden woes manifest as a slight whiff of meanness. And, as you know, this isn’t better. It really sucks when your girlfriend is nonspecifically upset, and conversations are awkward, and she’s not holding your hand like she usually does. Suddenly you’re dating an ice cube. It’s not fun.
You can fix this, though. And the way you do it is by showing her that you’re willing to hear where she’s coming from. You have to demonstrate that she shouldn’t be afraid to share her feelings, but also that you’re enough of a man to receive criticism. So just ask her what’s wrong. She’ll probably say “nothing.” And she’ll be lying, so here’s where you say, “listen, I know you don’t want to make this into a big thing, but I think it’ll be much easier on both of us if you just tell me what’s up, so we can work on it.”
There’s a catch. You have to actually be willing to deal with whatever her problem is. If you get all whiny and defensive, and insist that your testicles smell wonderful and you don’t need to take a shower, or that you’re sexually perfect, or that everything you say is right, congratulations, you’ve just screwed everything up. First of all, you’re probably wrong — you’re almost never going to encounter problems in your relationship where you’re genuinely blameless. Secondly, you’re teaching her a terrible lesson — that you’re an overly sensitive lily-livered little dick who can’t deal with disagreement.
Go the other way, though, and actually have a productive discussion about what’s going on, and you’re on your way to a better relationship. Actually, if I were to identify the number one thing that keeps relationships healthy, I would probably say good conflict resolution. Because ultimately your girlfriend is going to piss you off sometimes, and you’ll do the same, so if you can’t take care of these unfortunate moments, your relationship will be a flaming wreck in short order, and you’ll sleep with some dumb waitress, and she’ll subtweet you and start posting revealing selfies on Instagram, and life will become hellish immediately.
So, the more you openly address conflict, the better you get at it. Start today.
But. There is always the possibility that, no matter how hard you try, no matter how understanding you are, your girlfriend won’t open up. She won’t tell you what’s wrong, either because she’s too insecure to be a little vulnerable, or because, and this is way worse, she prefers being self-righteously indignant rather than being nice. And this, unfortunately, means that she’s not grown-up enough to be in a sane relationship. If you choose not to head for the online dating hills and stay with her, you’re going to spend all your time wondering what you’re doing wrong, trying to conform to her every whim, constantly stressing out over the fact that it seems like you’re living in a minefield, because, well, you are.
I hope that’s not the case. And it probably isn’t — these things are usually resolvable. Don’t think of this as a problem — think of it as an opportunity to hone your boyfriend ninja skills, and soon your relationship will be happier than ever. Just come to it with an open heart, and, when she tells you what’s wrong with you, don’t wail and scream like a little baby about it.
Think you could use some dating help, too? Email the Dating Nerd at [email protected] .
How To React When Your Daughter Tells You She’s Pregnant
(with apologies to my faithful followers who enjoy the recipes, because I have none today . )
This is what I would send to my mother, if I had the guts to do so. But it’s probably not advisable, anyway.
When your daughter calls you on her way home from a great appointment at the Ob/gyn office, and you ask her what’s new, and she says she’s pregnant, don’t just say, “I’m very happy for you” in a flat tone of voice that sounds like you’re talking with a complete stranger. She is, after all, your daughter.
Don’t say “I guess your body was ready this time,” as if there was something she could have done about her body the last times. Same with “good luck” at the end and “I hope it all goes well.” Yes, we know that not every birth is a guarantee. Thank you, we know that quite well. But in this case, right now, during this phone call, you’re supposed to feel and respond in joy.
Don’t say, “I guess you haven’t had an ultrasound yet,” as if you know. You didn’t ask how far along she is. Instead, ask, so she doesn’t have to volunteer that she’s 16 weeks along halfway through the conversation, making her feel as if she’s forcing this information on you.
Don’t ask her if she’s happy. Tell her how happy you are, not just for her, but for you, too. After all, you’re going to be a grandparent again. This should make you feel excited.
Don’t tell her that she should be taking prenatal vitamins. First, she is on her way home from the ob/gyn, who probably prescribed whatever she needed. Second, she has been taking prenatal vitamins for the past three years in an effort to make her body hospitable, should it see fit to conceive and keep an embryo.
Sound excited. Sound even more excited than her friends, whom she hardly ever sees, and who noticed the baby bump during her trip to California, sounded.
Act interested. You could ask about the due date, or the sex, and you could ask how she’s feeling. You could ask if she needs anything. You could ask her when you can celebrate with her by meeting for lunch.
After all, she is calling you first. Before her boss, her other in-laws, before most of her friends (except the ones who happen to live in the blogging world.). Treasure that gift. Don’t minimize it by saying that you figured it’s none of your business.
Depression is something that is not easy to describe. It is also not easy to make someone who is depressed feels better. Each person has different causes of depression so the treatment is also different for each one of them.
Most depressed people do not show it to others that they are depressed. Some of you might search some tips on how to get someone to notice you’re sad but not in desperate ways. While some of you might do nothing about your depression problem.
If someone who is depressed is your girlfriend, you will certainly do everything you can do to comfort her. Even though you know that there are some things you should know before you date someone with depression, you still choose that person to be your lover.
In addition, you can also make your girlfriend comfortable with words or something sweet. To help you, this article will discuss about sweet things you should say to comfort your depressed girlfriend.
1. Is There Something I Can Do for You?
If your girlfriend is feeling depressed, offer something you can do for her. No need to force her if she refuses. You just need to be there by her side and try other ways to make her comfortable.
When your girlfriend says she wants something or wants to do something, do it as she wishes as long as it is possible to do. Do it with a smile on your face. If her wish is impossible to do, try to reject it gently.
2. You Don’t Need to Feel Alone, I’m Here for You
When your girlfriend is feeling depressed, she will feel that she is alone in this world. This is the moment where your role as her boyfriend is important.
Make sure that your girlfriend will not feel alone and reassure her that you will always be there every time she needs you. This is a kind of support that you can do for her. It is simple, but it means a lot.
3. What Might Make You Feel Better?
Offer something that will make your girlfriend feels comfortable and feels better. Once again, do not ever force her.
Offer in a subtle way and with a tone of voice that can calm your girlfriend. Hopefully, she will feel that there is someone who understands and appreciates her. Maybe this is what she really needs.
4. Do You Need Someone to Talk To?
You can also ask your girlfriend whether she needs someone to talk to. If she needs you to listen to what she wants to talk about, be a good listener for her.
Do not interrupt her while she is talking to you, and give some responses if your girlfriend really needs your comments or suggestions.
5. Do You Need Someone to Accompany You?
You certainly worry about your girlfriend who feels depressed, right? Then ask her whether she needs someone to accompany her. Either accompany her for a walk to get fresh air or to do other things.
Do not force your will to her. Make your girlfriend as comfortable as possible. Give her some time to be alone if she needs to be alone.
6. There Must Be a Way out and There Is Still Hope
Convince your girlfriend that there must be solutions for all the problems she has experienced, and that there is still hope. When a woman is depressed, she will not be able to think clearly.
In fact, many of them will feel frantic and feel useless because they cannot manage to solve the problems in their lives. You can also convince your girlfriend that you will help her as much as you can.
7. It’s Okay If You Feel That Way, I Understand
If you really understand the problem that makes your girlfriend depressed, you can say that it is okay if she feels that way.
Want him to chase, love and obsess over you?
Well, you’ll need to have a much deeper understanding of a thing called the ‘hero instinct’ which is one of the fundamental drivers behind the behaviour of all men. Once you use that to your advantage, you’ll finaly become the most important priority in his life. My friend James Bauer prepared this Quick Free Video that’ll teach you to utilize this to your advantage.
But you also have to make her realize that she must not feel hopeless for too long. Position yourself well so that she knows that you can understand her.
Those are some sweet things you should say to comfort your depressed girlfriend that you need to know.
At least by saying those sweet things, you can make your girlfriend feel better and you can lessen the burden on her shoulders.
Actually, there are many ways to tell a woman you love her, so do it for your girlfriend. In this way, your girlfriend will understand that there is someone who will always be there for her.
Finally Solve Your Relationship Problems
If you’re like me you have probably spent endless nights worrying about your relationship and trying to find an easy way that will help you fix it.
I’d endlessly spent hours browsing the internet to find that one golden answer that would finally fix my relationship and allow me to go back to my happy old self.
As I discovered the hard way, there is no ‘one-size fits all’answer that will help everyone. Everyone’s relationship is different.
That’s when I decided it was time for me to talk to someone knowledgeable about the specific issues I was facing, and I found Relationship Hero.
Within 1 minute, I was able to chat directly to a relationship consultant to whom I could explain the specific issues that I was facing in my relationship.
She gave me suggestions that I could immediately start implementing and we agreed to set a follow up meeting to see how it went.
As soon as I started implementing her suggestions I immediately noticed a big improvement in my relationship. This felt like a huge sigh of relief.
Of course, it still took hard work, but at least with my relationship counselor’s suggestions I now had a plan of action.
If you’re in a similar situation, I would therefore highly recommend that you do the same.
I’m sure you can get your relationship back on track as well!
10 Ways to Support Her When She’s Unexpectedly Expecting
Your support might be the only support she receives. …You can make a difference in her life. Will you?
I had beenbrought up to believe that life is always a gift, but it certainly didn’t feel like one when I gazed in shock at a positive pregnancy test. As a mom who had my first baby in college, I know that an unexpected pregnancy can sometimes bring fear, shame, and doubt.
However, I also know that an unexpected pregnancy can bring joy, excitement, awe, gratitude, and deeper love than I knew was possible—not to mention the little bundle who inspires these sentiments! About nine months after looking at that pregnancy test, I received the very best gift I have ever been given: my daughter, Maria*.
An unexpected pregnancy might be confusing along the way, but life—though at times difficult—is ultimately beautiful. Perhaps one of your friends has become pregnant unexpectedly. As someone who has been there, I encourage you to support your friend in her new journey of being a mother.
Not sure how to help or what to say? Here are ten tips:
1. Be available.
An unexpected pregnancy can send a woman into crisis mode. If your friend just found out she is pregnant, she may not be thinking clearly, and she may feel she has no control over anything at the moment.
Be aware of how she is responding to you. Listen to her and let her know you love her and are there for her any time she needs you. Don’t pass judgment on her either interiorly or through words or body language.
2. Respond positively.
When a woman experiencing challenging circumstances confides she is pregnant, the reaction of the first person she tells tends to set the tone for her decision-making. Avoid responding with shock or alarm, and be calm and understanding. Let her know you’re there for her and that it’s going to be okay. Pay close attention to her emotional state, and act accordingly.
Depending on where she is emotionally, it may or may not be helpful to congratulate her at that time. However, it is always important to affirm that every person’s life—including her child’s and her own—is precious and beautiful no matter the circumstances.
3. Be honest.
The journey through an unexpected pregnancy is not easy, and it’s okay if you don’t know the perfect words to say. Just be honest. Let her know you are there for her, and ask her how she is feeling and how you can support her.
It’s a good way to open the door to communicate, and she may be grateful for the opportunity to talk freely with someone. She might become emotional at times, but be patient—let’s not forget hormones; the struggle is real.
4. Offer specific help.
Don’t be afraid to ask her if she needs help with anything or to make specific offers to help. For example, you might offer to help with cleaning, finding a good doctor, or running to the store to pick up the one food that won’t make her feel sick. But remember to read her cues, and make sure you’re not being overbearing.
5. Set up a support system.
In addition to the standard baby registry, you can help her get other kinds of support by lining up much-needed, practical help. Think outside the box. Food = love, so take advantage of websites that allow friends and family to sign up to make meals, send food deliveries, or simply donate money. Some websites can even help organize other assistance like rides to the doctor, babysitting other children she may have, or help around the house. You can also look into what programs and assistance may be sponsored by your local diocesan pastoral care or Respect Life offices.
6. Tell her she is beautiful.
She may be feeling physically, spiritually, and emotionally drained with this pregnancy. Take the time to reassure her of her beauty, both inside and out, especially when morning sickness might make her feel otherwise.
7. Help her recharge and relax.
First-time mothers may have difficulty crossing that threshold into their new life as a mother. Your friend may be fearful that her life is “over,” so help her see it’s okay—good, actually—to still focus on herself sometimes. Even though she is a mother, she will still continue to be a woman, so affirm that it’s healthy and important to take care of herself—not only physically, but emotionally, as well. Help her to do things she really enjoys. Take her out for a nice meal, a movie, or a day of pampering.
8. Reassure her it’s okay (and good) to be happy.
It can be hard to be happy about a pregnancy that many people see as unfortunate timing at best and totally irresponsible at worst. Even if your friend wants to be happy about her bundle of joy, she may not feel she “deserves” to show that happiness. Get excited about her pregnancy in front of her, and she may just feel comfortable enough to share her own excitement with you.
Also, continue to show your interest and excitement throughout her pregnancy. Ask questions about her developing child. What is she learning at her doctor appointments? What names is she considering? Ask her what she thinks her baby looks like. Does she think they will have her eyes?
9. Encourage her.
Society tends to focus on ways that an unexpected pregnancy can be challenging. Help your friend to think of the benefits. Remind her of the fluttering kicks, somersaults, and maybe even dance moves her son or daughter will be rocking once they grow a little more. With moms’ groups and opportunities for play dates, there’s a whole new social world to explore. And there are plenty of benefits to being a young mom—like having more energy to chase her kids around.
10. Point out some real-life role models.
Many amazing young mothers and birthmothers have experienced unexpected pregnancies and still followed their dreams. Other women have discovered that, even when unable to follow their lives as planned, something beautiful and good came out of the twists in the road, bringing opportunities, growth, and joy they hadn’t imagined.
Point your friend to some of the many websites, blogs, and social media accounts dedicated to supporting young mothers . And let’s not forget Mary, whose “yes” to bearing Jesus affected the course of history. The Blessed Mother is a great person to pour her heart out to, and she’s a powerhouse of intercessory prayer.
An unexpected pregnancy can be a difficult and frightening time, and it’s important that your friend knows you are thinking of her and supporting her. Although the tips mentioned can be helpful, don’t forget the most important thing is to pray. Even if it’s just a quick two-second prayer, prayer is the most effective way we can help. Pray for her, for her child, and for guidance in how you can give her the best possible support.
Also, pay attention to how your friend feels most loved. One person might appreciate encouraging words, while another might feel more supported if you wash the dishes. Simple things — letting her know that you care and are always ready to listen, that you are available to help her, that you are praying for her — can give hope and courage when she might otherwise feel alone. Your support might be the only support she receives. Even if we never know how, the smallest things we do can change someone’s life. You can make a difference in her life. Will you?
The author is now a married mother of four who works as an advocate for young mothers facing unexpected pregnancies. She had her first baby in college and is a proud Catholic who supports life in every circumstance and at every stage.
What should you think when your wife pops an unexpected surprise like this?
Speaking of unexpected surprises, here are a few more I’ve cataloged along my way working with unsuspecting husbands.
I just don’t feel that way about you anymore.
I think of you more as a friend now than anything else. There’s no spark anymore.
We just don’t connect anymore – never did really.
I don’t trust you anymore to take care of me.
I think we need to separate so I can find myself.
I need time away from you so I can work on myself.
And the crowd favorite…I love you but I’m not ‘in-love’ with you anymore.
When I talk with women who have used these lines they say, “I can’t believe he was so shocked and upset. How could he not know how bad things have been?”
And the husbands say the same thing I said when it was my turn, “Because I didn’t think things were that bad. Really, I didn’t.”
Maybe our relationship pain tolerance is higher than women. Maybe our expectations are too low. Maybe their expectations are too high.
Whatever gets a man to this point in his marriage, his next step is fairly predictable.
I Gotta Do Something Now!
When panic arrives a man is inspired into action. Any action. He will say or do or try anything he can to pull her back from the brink. He’s a talented problem solver and troubleshooter at work so this thing shouldn’t be so hard.
A little tweak here or there should get her right back on track. Buy her flowers. Take her on date. Plan a vacation. Initiate really deep conversations – every day. Surprise her with a new car. (yeah, even that one doesn’t work)
The problem with this plan of attack is that the solution – if there is one – has nothing to do with doing anything. But doing something is all we can think of. We are men of action and problems get solved by taking action – doing something, dammit. Whatever it takes.
I’m sorry to tell you this. There is nothing you can do. At this point, the best thing you can work on is who you are being – not what you’re doing.
Who you need to be – for both of you – is a calm, cool-headed man who knows he is going to be okay. You’ll need to be a man unafraid of asking other men for support. You’ll need to be a man who doesn’t require his wife to make him feel like a whole man.
You’re already whole. You’re already okay.
Here is Exactly What She’s Thinking
Sorry, again. I have no idea exactly what she’s thinking and the chances are neither does she. This is why trying to do something to “fix it” is a waste of time. She won’t respond to any desperate act of heroism on your part and it will likely make her respect you even less.
Many wives have described their feelings at this point like this:
I’m plagued with doubt every day. I don’t know what I should do.
I feel riddled with anxiety and sadness for feeling this way.
I’m ashamed of wanting to move away from him, he’s a good man.
I feel so stuck and insignificant. I don’t know who I am anymore.
I can feel good about everything when we’re apart but when he comes home I get sick to my stomach.
I hate feeling the way I do. I just want to run away.
See what I mean. No bouquet of roses, heartfelt talk or a brand new Mustang convertible will even touch this stuff.
Obviously, I’m not talking about a wife who has made a clear-headed, well planned, measured decision to end a relationship. I’m talking about something much more emotionally complex and distressing. Even she isn’t sure what’s going on. It could be related to depression, anxiety, hormonal changes or all three. Or something else. Therapist Sheryl Paul specializes in “relationship anxiety” and makes a living working with women with these symptoms. It’s seriously debilitating stuff.
That’s why you need to chill. You don’t have any control here.
You’re going to have to take a step back, take a deep breath and be a different man than you’re used to being. She needs your empathy more than she needs you to fix her. Your power now is in your ability to empathize with her feelings. You don’t have to understand what she is experiencing to do this.
And the very best thing you can do for yourself is to pretend you’ve witnessed an alien abduction. They may bring your wife back and they may not.
The impending uncertainty in your life is going to suck. You will want to scream, complain and argue. You will want to know how long this will last and when the aliens will return with your wife.
And you will consider relieving your pain quickly by just ending it now – before it gets worse.
How This is Going to End
Sorry, again. I can’t tell you how it’s going to end. But what I can tell you is this.
How you choose to respond to this new reality will determine how the next 10 years of your life will go.
If you implode into a messy, sticky puddle of anxiety, despair and self-loathing you will lock in a mindset and emotional state which can ruin you. And it will certainly drive her away faster and farther.
You’re going to have to be a little selfish. This means taking care of yourself so you can be more present with her. It means strengthening your emotional health and positive mindset, so you can be a safer harbor for her. Be this guy and you’ll stand the best chance of fighting off the aliens.
And this is the guy whose next 10 years can be amazing no matter what happens in the end.
If you are a husband facing aliens right now, I know this may feel like little consolation. You wanted a solution. You wanted a Hail Mary play.
You want to fix it and you think I’m telling you to “work on yourself”.
No. I’m telling you to not waste this unique opportunity. These are the times that will either bury a man in resentment and guilt or motivate him to create a new chapter in his life.
The latter is more fun.
I wrote a free e-book to help men learn how to lose their fear and be more bold in their marriage to create the love and connection they want. Get The Hard to Swallow Truth About Saving Your Marriage HERE
If you want to learn more about how to take a bigger step toward being a clear-headed, confident man of action, then find out more here . I would be thrilled to help you get there – our first discovery call is always free and always gives you a BIG boost of confidence.
You WILL become a clearer, stronger, more confident man only through other men. Your woman cannot take you there – and she doesn’t WANT to…trust me on that.
Sign up to receive my email newsletters here for lots more free tips and advice.
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There are times when couples face the problem where the girlfriend demands for space. This can be quite haunting for the partner, as the girl whom you have thought to spend your life with has suddenly started asking for space. It is very important that in such a case you should not lose your temper and react in a bitter manner, as it can lead to spoiling the entire relationship. If you are facing such a situation then, it is important that you should be patient and try and understand why your girlfriend needs space.
If you try to act emotional and try to get her back, it would only complicate things and you would be hurting yourself instead. Irrespective of how difficult it is for you to give your girlfriend the space that she requires, it is better that you tell her that you understand and her decision is acceptable to you. Make yourself strong and tell her that you are fine with it and even you were thinking about the same. It will no longer make your feel rejected and this should work as a reversal on your girlfriend as she will take it up as a challenge and work on improving the relationship.
When you give your girlfriend the space she is asking for, she considers that you are respecting her feelings and understanding her need of some space. However, it is important that you should not do anything that would make her feel that you are intruding into her space or dominating over her. It often happens that the male emotions seem to be dominating over the female and it can lead to problems in a relationship. Take time out to understand what your girlfriend seeks. If you keep dominating over her all the time and rule over her time then you may be choking the relationship.
When she asks for her space give it to her and do not interfere in her matters or try to give her undue attention during that time. Many men start sending flowers, keep calling their partners or even start sending e-mails and long letters that can send a negative impact on the relationship. Just be cool and calm and let her enjoy her time also. The more you move according to her wishes the sooner she will come back to you.
Another point that should be considered is that when a girl asks for space in a relationship, there is obviously something missing in it. Start focusing more on yourself and think on where the problem lies. If you are able to find out the problem then correct it soon and make the change visible. The time that your girls is away from you, spend it on yourself and change a few things that you think might be the cause of the problem. Work on the qualities that she wants to have in you so that she gets the message that you are willing to do anything for her.
So, when your girlfriend asks for space, you should not get hysterical, be patient and give her the space so that both of you realize the importance of each other and make things work in a better way!
“My son sat me and his mother down last week and told us he had gotten his girlfriend pregnant. He is only 17 and she is 16. I told him I was proud that he came forward to tell me, but I didn’t get too far into the discussion before he told me that they are keeping the baby.
Both have not graduated high school, and frankly, both are quite irresponsible. According to him, having a child is ‘easy’ and ‘not really that hard’. We tried to persuade him to look at other options, but he was adamant that they were going to have the kid and that was the end of that.
Since then, the house has been quite tense. Any talk of the situation is immediately shut down and my son refuses to see what we are attempting to show him. So, instead, I have decided to teach him that kids are more difficult than he initially thinks. Since my son told us they were pregnant, I have done the following:
I wake him up twice a night, 2 hours apart after he has fallen asleep. I open the door, scream as loud as I can until I know he is awake, and I shut the door. I’ve done this 5 nights in a row.
I purchased a sack of flour for him and dressed it in a diaper. I have made him change the diaper every 2 hours, and if he doesn’t, I shut off the internet until he changes it. I will sometimes smear Nutella in the diaper for added effect.
While playing one of his games, I told him his ‘baby’ wanted to be held. Giving me a truly s***-eating grin, he told me he has no issue playing his game and holding the baby. I placed the sack of flour in his arms and he continued to play basically one handed. While he was doing this, I went to the kitchen, grabbed a small cup of applesauce and splashed it on his shoulder while he was playing. I told him that his baby spit up and he might want to pause his game to take care of that.
I have not allowed him to go to the movies or hang out with his friends at their house. When he presses me for a reason, I tell him, ‘You don’t have a babysitter. You can go if you take your sack of flour with you.’ He has not gone anywhere in a week.
Yesterday, I did my best practice fall in front of his friends who were over and then wailed and cried until he came over and started talking to me. I told him babies demand attention, and he will have to get used to this. This was the last straw for him.
After his friends left, he accused me of being mean and ridiculous with the wants and needs of a baby. He told me I am being completely unrealistic. I reminded him that he himself was an incredibly fussy baby, and everything I have done so far he has done to me in the past.
His mother tells me I am being an a-hole and to let him make his own decisions, but I just don’t want my 17-year-old shackled to a baby when neither of them are ready for this.
Tell me the truth; Am I being too much of an a-hole here? I just want him to realize how hard this is going to be, and to at least look at options.”
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How to Help When Your Girlfriend Is on Period
If you’re thinking, “My girlfriend is on her period, what can I do to make things better for her?” then you’ve come to the right place! Periods are noting to be scared, ashamed or embarrassed by – they are as natural as sneezing or peeing. So it is fantastic that as a boyfriend, you’re going all out to ensure that your girl feels her best during the worst period of the month for her.
Speaking of, here are certain things you can do (or avoid) to make things easier for her:
How to Help When Your Girlfriend Is on Period
Keep a hot water bottle prepared
Period camps can be quite a pain – literally. Cramps in the lower part of the body are pretty common, especially in the abdominal and lower back area. In order to alleviate the pain, encourage her to keep a hot water bottle on the affected areas.
Make sure she’s hydrated
Water, coconut water, lemonade or fruit juices – anything that is natural (not pre-packaged or processed) will be welcomed by her body. The more liquid she drinks, the more hydrated her body will be and the lesser her cramp pains will be.
The first thing you need to understand is that she didn’t ask for any of this to happen – she was born a woman and it’s totally out of her control that her hormones go crazy during her periods. So if she acts unusually or overreacts in situations, just tell yourself that this is not her but her hormones talking. Keep your calm, stop worrying about “My girlfriend is on her period” and avoid getting into any arguments as well.
Give her a massage
Her body is already hating her at this point, so how about giving her body (and mind) some well deserved relaxation? Be it a dry massage or an oil massage, whatever you do, just make sure you do it gently enough. Avoid her problem areas, and for added benefit, play some calming music and light some scented candles.
Hug her, cuddle with her and make her feel loved. If she politely asks you to do something, do it. It’s not like she makes such demands from you every day, is it? She’s in pain and she needs you to be at your loving best with her during those days.
Sometimes, all girls want is for someone to hug them and tell them that it’s gonna be okay. Do that. Sometimes, if she looks like she’s having a bad day, ask her to share her frustrations with you. Such small gestures may or may not solve her problem, but it will definitely lift a burden off her shoulders and will make her feel much better than before!
Let her rest
Simply thinking “My girlfriend is on her period” will not do. If you’re worried for her sake, then translate that worry into words. Do as much work on her behalf as you can do, so that she can get some much needed physical and mental rest. Take the dog out for a walk, go ahead and make the payment on your pending bills or even postpone social gatherings – whatever it takes to make her feel more at ease.
Make her fav dishes
Or if you’re a terrible cook, then order her fav food and have takeaway as your dinner. She might also experience cravings, in which case it would be smart to prepare her fav dishes beforehand, so that you can produce them immediately in front of her whenever she demands them.
This is one recipe that has been passed down from generation to generation since ancient India, but is a new concept in the West. The truth is that the active ingredient in turmeric called curcumin is excellent to consume when experiencing period pains due to its anti-inflammatory properties. Bonus: Turmeric is also good for your skin, hair and overall health.
Watch her fav shows with her
And why not? It’ll help her relax and help you unwind from a busy day as well. Go ahead and even order pizza, or make some popcorn while you two have a fun movie marathon!
A lot of men often make the mistake of assuming they know what is best for their girlfriend. Even with this article, we can only guess and give you estimations as to the answer to “What to do when my girlfriend is on my period?” If you truly want to know what she wants and how she wants to be pampered, simply ask her. After all, she’s the one who knows how she wants to be treated best, right?
Encourage her to get out of bed
Some women do not experience pain as much as they experience lethargy during their periods. If your girlfriend is among them, then push her to indulge in some physical activities. Could be getting the household chores done, jogging in the evening, or an impromptu DDR battle (if you have the equipment at home). The more exercise her body gets, the more endorphins her body releases. And these hormones will help her not only combat with any menstrual pain that she may be feeling, but they will also help improve her mood.
Don’t blame everything on her PMS
Dude, seriously? Women are allowed to get upset, just like men do, without having their emotions being blamed on their hormones. Don’t be a sexist piece of trash by assuming that all her negative emotions are a result of her periods. Maybe they’re a result of you being insensitive towards her needs. Did that thought ever occur to you?
1. She’s not trying to compete with you for his attention.
Actually, you’re probably last in the line of her competition. Sad but true, she’s more worried about other girls her age getting in the way, than you spending time with him every Sunday afternoon.
2. She’s not a carbon copy of his ex-girlfriend.
So please don’t expect her to be as perfect or as horrible as the one who came before her.
3. She desperately wants to impress you.
If she seems awkward and shy or she accidentally talks too much, it’s probably because she’s beyond nervous. Meeting you solidifies the connection she has with your son, but it’s nothing if she doesn’t get your approval. Plus, nothing feels better than hearing, “Oh my God, my mom loves you!”
4. She wants to be friends.
In her ideal world, it wouldn’t feel awkward to text you and ask what you plan on getting him for Christmas, or what she should wear to the family wedding she’s attending as your son’s guest.
5. She knows that you know better.
There are times when your son is sick and she’s not sure how to help him get better, or needs advice that only a mother can give. She knows where your territory is, and when you can do a much better job as his shoulder to lean on than she can.
6. She could be a good ally.
Even if you talk to your son every single day, there are probably some things that he tells her but never tells you. She’s in the know and you can be, too, if the two of you get along. If he’s going through something and she’s not sure what advice to give him, she might turn to you—if she’s comfortable enough to do that.
7. Your words are really powerful.
Being that she wants so badly to impress you, she pays attention to everything you say, and how you say it. If you mention that you hate tulips, she’ll remember that for your next birthday. If you compliment her hairstyle, she’ll wear it like that more often. Chances are she’s internalizing most of your opinions, so be mindful of how you present everything, from criticism to praise.
8. Don’t baby him.
When you consistently cook and clean for him, even if he didn’t ask you to, he gets accustomed to full-on mom treatment. She can’t keep up with this when you’re not around, so please let him pack his own suitcase for that upcoming trip.
9. She wants what’s best for him, too.
When he’s happy, she’s happy. She’s rooting for him to get that promotion, too. She wishes he would go to the doctor instead of being stubborn. She knows he needs regular time with the guys. These are things you will probably agree on more often than not.
10. She’s just like you.
You were once a young girl in love, were you not? Try to remember that feeling and make things easier on her by giving her a chance. You’ll suddenly realize you have at least that in common.
2. She repeats the phrase “Someone like you” Either her description of Mr. Perfect is someone very similar to you or she just admits that she wants “someone like you” over and over again.
3. Her friends are now your friends
If a girl likes you, her friends know. Hence they try to add you on your social-networking page or meet you, but none of her girlfriends are ever allowed to carry on a conversation with you for more than five minutes.
4. She is always One step too close
Whether you’re sitting at a restaurant or you’re walking on the streets, she is always that one step too close with her hands brushing yours.
5. She is there for you no matter what
Doesn’t matter if it’s mid day or midnight, sober or drunk, if you call, she will answer and talk. She may have to sleep to look fresh for the biggest moment of her life tomorrow, but she’d rather be talking to you.
6 Your ex-girlfriends are her best and worst topics
She wants to know everything about your ex-girlfriend so she can determine what you like and don’t. But she also tells you why you’re so much better off without them and picks on them constantly.
7. Everything about you is a big deal
Be it your birthday, your parents’ wedding anniversary or even a promotion at work, she is overjoyed for you. She always lets you know how your happiness makes her happy.
8. She always has a smile for you
When you’re having an awfully bad day, she will do everything she can to make you smile. She will not rest until she knows you’re OK.
9. She makes sure everything is Perfect
Q. I am hurt and can’t stop crying. My 18-year-old son got his girlfriend pregnant and she is determined to keep the baby. My husband and I do not support teenage pregnancy and we have been very clear and open with our kids about sex. I’m still raising a younger daughter and need to stand my ground with her to show her that this is not OK.
I miss my relationship with my son. His attitude is “get over it.” The girl disrespected my husband and me horribly, and I have told my son she is not welcome in our home.
They were dating for only three months before she became pregnant. Her mother now wants to know when my son will marry her daughter. I’m horrified that she even broached the subject. We brought up our children pushing education while this girl’s mother is pushing welfare.
I’m mad at my son for not wearing a condom, but I know I couldn’t be with him 24 hours a day. I’m afraid to talk to him because I get no response and I’m afraid to say something I might regret. We used to have a great relationship. What the heck happened? I guess we must have been too warm and inviting to this girl that she thought this was her way in. I am very angry. How do I handle this situation?
A. Your feelings are partly a manifestation of dashed hopes and dreams for your son’s future. Now, it seems that this teenage couple is pregnant, with little means of supporting the child or furthering their lives. I agree, it’s a tragedy for all involved.
But what’s done is done. There is nothing to be gained by continuing to berate your son or being cool toward his girlfriend. All you will do is drive him further away.
You could be being too harsh on this girl. You assume she intended to get pregnant. That’s possible, but many girls get pregnant without wanting to. Teenagers are hormonal and impulsive. They have less ability to use measured judgment at their age. This is a matter of brain chemistry and biological fact. So, unfortunately, having sex because it feels good can override any thoughts of getting pregnant and altering the course of their lives.
Expressing your concern about the future is fine, but expressing hurt, anger and disapproval toward your son and his girlfriend will not get you anywhere. If you continue with such an adversarial position, you might end up with a son who hates you and a grandchild you never see. You might drive your son into a marriage he himself might not want. I do agree with you that it will be important to make it clear to your young daughter why this was a poor choice on her brother’s part and the ways this will make life difficult. You can still impress upon her how important safe sex and abstinence at a certain age is for one’s future. You do not need to ostracize her brother and girlfriend to make this message clear.
If you want a relationship with your son, I suggest you keep a much more open door and help him figure out how he will navigate this. You can be kind, supportive and forgiving to your son at the same time you make it clear that he made a bad decision and must now deal with the consequences.
He himself may know he made a bad decision, but be so embarrassed and sorry that this comes out as anger toward you. Certainly, he now has responsibilities toward his girlfriend and future baby. But, legally, it is your son’s and the pregnant girl’s right, not yours, to decide what to do. If you maintain an ongoing relationship, you may at least get to have input into the decisions they make.
As his mother, you didn’t do something wrong, so there is no point blaming yourself. Being decent and kind to this girl was the right thing to do. Welcoming her into your home didn’t make her have sex with your son, and disinviting her wouldn’t have made her refrain from having sex with him. You had the talks about sex, safety and risks, but sometimes doing your best in communicating the most important messages still doesn’t prevent children from straying. Certainly having the talks improves your chances, but it’s not 100 percent.
Parents can do the very best by their children, and yet their children will sometimes disappoint them, make mistakes and choose a different path from the one their parents prefer. At some point, you must let go and let them live their own lives, because one way or another they will go. It’s your choice whether you will be welcome in those lives or not.
Dr. Gail’s Bottom Line: You can do your best in teaching your kids to make better choices, but you can’t control every choice they make. When they make a bad one, it’s best to make your disagreement clear, but also to maintain an open door rather than cutting them off.
Dr. Gail Saltz is a psychiatrist with New York Presbyterian Hospital and a regular contributor to TODAY. Her latest book is “Anatomy of a Secret Life: The Psychology of Living a Lie.” She is also the author of “Amazing You! Getting Smart About Your Private Parts,” which helps parents deal with preschoolers’ questions about sex and reproduction. Her first book, “Becoming Real: Overcoming the Stories We Tell Ourselves That Hold Us Back,” was published in 2004 by Riverhead Books. It is now available in a paperback version. For more information, you can visit her Web site, .
Do you need help with making your girl feel better when she’s on her period? Most men do. Here’s our quick guide.
Written by Paulami Pan | Updated : July 1, 2016 4:43 PM IST
The way your girlfriend can transform either into a godzilla or a lost puppy when on her period. Even if you are the most patient boyfriend ever, you may just want to hide when Aunt Flow visits, but this is really not what you should do. No matter how irritated your girl is, she simply needs you around her. Instead of panicking when she s on her period, show her that you care enough and try your best to comfort her. Here are tips on how you can make her feel better. Here are tried and tested tips to alleviate menstrual pain.
- Do not blame anything on her period: You may be right about her crankiness, terrible mood swings and bad mood being caused to her period, but NEVER say that out loud! Be sensitive. This is a biological process which affects her behaviour and pointing out her body as the troublemaker will only make things worse! You will end up making her feel blamed for hormonal upheaval. Want to pre-pone your periods? Here’s how.
- Don t sit down to discuss menstruation: Dear men, a woman perfectly knows what s going on with her body. So don t make the mistake of advising her about her condition and behaviour unless you re a doctor. Once she starts explaining intricate details about what s going on down there, you will be the one cringing. So, it s best to avoid the topic altogether.
- Avoid telling her anything that can irritate her: Your girl may usually be a rational and easygoing person, but when she s on her period, she may not respond with the same casualness as on a regular day. So before you tell her about your honest opinion on one of her all time favourite movies or casually mention an out of town trip with just the guys, consider telling her about it when she s no longer as moody. Anything that might suggest the slightest hint of annoyance can turn into full-blown anger when she s already dealing with hormones. Hence, it s best to keep the conversation light and soothing, at least until she s done with her period. Did you know periods could be as painful as heart attacks?
- Answer questions with care: If she is bombarding you with irrational questions which have no definitive answer, think twice before responding, as her reaction may range from a barrage of angry words to even break up threats. Think to yourself, is now a good time to be honest or shall I try to give her the answer she wants? Your chances of surviving the day without conflict will be higher if you let her hear what she wants to hear.
- Be as patient as you can possibly be: Be compassionate towards her feelings. This state is temporary and she s going to be back to her great self in a few days. When those unending word-battles ensue, simply keep in mind that you are the one she s venting out everything to because you are her own and she feels totally at home with you. Muster up all your patience for those days of the month, and try to be some extra nice if possible. Here’s how you can deal with those monthly mood swings.
- Prepare food for her: Losing blood and feeling bloated can be pretty exhausting. But it can drain so much of a woman s energy that she d be too tired to prepare a meal. One of the best things you can do for her is prepare her favorite food and keep her hydrated. Sometimes women on their period may start to have unusual cravings. Ask her what she would like and get it for her. It will not only make her feel special, but also comfort her thoroughly. All your queries about periods, answered here.
- Watch a movie with her: Those period cramps are painful as hell. To distract her from the discomfort, spend some quality time together. Watch her favourite movie and don t forget the popcorn! Just to be on the safe side, avoid anything too tragic or heavily emotional.
- Don’t act disgusted: Show her that you are not grossed out by the very thought of her menstrual cycle even if you don’t feel comfortable with it at first. If she tries to talk to you about it, do not make faces or say ‘go talk to one of your girlfriends . This will just make her feel like you don’t care. Another part of this step is to be willing to run errands for her. Go get her the supplies she is out of, (thinking of sanitary items as “girl stuff” is immature and unhelpful) and pick her up some chocolate or her favorite magazine while you are at it! It will make her feel like you really care.
- Make her feel loved and appreciated: Let her know how happy you are to have her in your life. Tell her she’s a great friend, girlfriend, or wife. If she’s at work or away from you, call her cellphone, work phone or email them and tell her how beautiful, sweet and all-round awesome she is. It’s not even describable how nice it is for a person to do this. Don’t go over the top her if she’s snappy and irritable from the mood swings. Here are expert tips to exercise during that time of the month.
- Help her out with things: If she has any little chores or errands to do, help her out. Take the stress off of her by doing the dishes or taking her things down to the laundry. This will help lift some weight from her shoulders and give her time to relax. Keep in mind she may not just have little or chores. Women who work for a living and run a family of kids and pets and everything else have periods too and HAVE to cope. Be considerate. Here are period hygiene tips for every woman.
- Be considerate and comforting: Do NOT coerce her into getting intimate if you notice even the slightest hint of discomfort. This will not only irritate and upset her, but also showcase you as a selfish individual. Be considerate and respect her feelings. Have her sit down and give her a massage or give her a warm hug. Even a comforting arm rub might make her feel better and will at least show you care.
- Be there for her: Hold her when she wants to lean on you. Simply letting her sleep in your arms can make her feel comfortable. Just being there and being sweet makes anyone feel better. Make her realize that you are there for her through thick and thin. Engage in some foreplay to ease her up only if she s comfortable with it. But if she wants some space and wants to be left alone, give her the privilege. Got your period early? This maybe the reason.
When she s on her period, just keep in mind that this would only last for a couple of days. During those couple of days, treat her like a queen and try to do that with a smile on your face. She ll definitely remember how nice you were to her during those days, and that s always a plus in any relationship.
Image Source: YouTube/Red Chillies Entertainment (image used for representational purpose only)
You’ve got a lot on your mind these days. A breakup is one of the hardest things a person can go through. You lose one of the most important things in your life. Studies show that this feeling is comparable to mourning. When someone breaks your heart you feel like you’re left at a disadvantage because it wasn’t even your choice to be put in this situation. There are so many reasons why a break up could happen, but the most important thing to realize is that there is always a reason. In this article I will help you pinpoint what exactly went wrong if you’ve found yourself thinking My girlfriend broke up with me, and how that can help you to bring her back into your arms.
So yes, in most situations you can get your girl back, but it’s going to require patience, self-control, and determination. It’s going to take a bit of time, but nothing amazing ever happens over night. The more effort you put into improving things, the more solid your future relationship will be! So let’s get right into how to get your girl back if she dumped you.
Why has my girlfriend dumped me?
As I said, break ups always have a reason behind them. I know a lot of people think, my girlfriend broke up with me for no reason, but I can tell you that there is always a reason. It could be something huge, or a build up of a bunch of little things. Sometimes when a person breaks up with their partner, they don’t tell them all the reasons behind it. It’s nothing malicious; it’s just that breaking up is hard enough already and sometimes a person just wants to get to the other side of it. So maybe she told you why, but take a moment to consider whether any of the following might play a part in why your girlfriend broke up with you.
Understanding the breakup is the key to finding solutions to avoid similar problems in the future. If you get back together with her, what do you think is going to happen if no solutions have been offered for the reasons why she left in the first place?
Basically, the trick behind how to get a girlfriend back after she dumped you is to be able to offer her a completely new relationship. I explain this entire process at great length in my Audio Seminar “How To Get Her Back“, and I provide you with a sneak peak in this article as well!
She broke up with me because of communication problems
This is one of the most common reasons why women leave their boyfriends. It’s true that generally speaking, women are a bit more communicative than guys regarding what they’re feeling, and when a girl doesn’t feel that she’s on the same page as her guy, she can begin to feel disconnected.
The other common problem is that oftentimes two partners don’t make the effort to share what’s bothering them, what they want, or what they need, and the result is pent up resentment. So maybe the issues aren’t even that huge, but if enough of them pile up and lead to grudges being held, then tensions just keep getting higher.
The remedy is going to be practicing communication skills. It’s not rocket science, but it’s not always as easy as it sounds. You will have to work on training yourself to pay attention to what’s going on in your mind, and putting words to it. The next step is to practice sharing it while remaining calm and reasonable. I only say that because I’ve seen a lot of people only share what they’re feeling in the middle of an explosive fight, and they end up getting dumped by girlfriend anyway… It shouldn’t be allowed to get to that point.
Communication problems are really common causes in the deterioration of a relationship. If this is one of your issues, please remember that you aren’t alone! Brian, for instance, felt totally blindsided when his ex, Kate, broke up with him. When I asked him why she left, he couldn’t answer! He didn’t know because he wasn’t too effective of a communicator with her.
It happens! BUT, we can fix it. Brian sure did. It was hard and it took time, but Brian really improved in how he spoke to people. He also worked on how well he listened to them.
Within a few months, he was back with his ex and I recently received an invitation to their wedding! They’ve never been better; and it never would have happened if they hadn’t broken up and learned about what went wrong. Life is ironic, so use this time to your benefit!
My girlfriend broke up with me because we were fighting
Speaking of fighting, this is a pretty obvious reason why people get broken up with and subsequently wonder, will she take me back? If you couldn’t get along and you couldn’t agree on anything, maybe your ex girlfriend thought that you were incompatible.
Truth is, this relates directly back to communication. Perhaps you, perhaps she, or maybe even both of you weren’t paying attention to your language when you were trying to voice your opinion on something. What I mean is that a lot of people sound unnecessarily aggressive without meaning to do so, and then the other person becomes defensive. So if you’re wondering how to get a girl back after a breakup, all you can do is focus on your own behavior.
If you had a tendency to say things like, “You always,” or “You never…” Work on switching around the way you present your idea. Instead of starting things with “You,” which already sounds like an accusation, use “I” instead. “You never let me hang out with the guys” vs “I’d really like to hang out with the guys this weekend.”
My gf dumped me because she doesn’t know what she wants
One of the more painful reasons behind getting dumped by your girlfriend is realizing that she doesn’t know what she wants. Perhaps she wasn’t sure of your feelings for you, or someone else caught her eye. It leaves you in this strange limbo situation where you don’t know if she wants you or not, so to try to make things easier she decided to leave.
The good news here is that if you switch your focus to seducing her again, chances are that you can absolutely get your girlfriend back after breakup! In a moment, I’ll get into self improvement techniques that are sure to attract her back, but the main idea here is to remind her of the guy she fell in love with and become an even better version of him!
Well, I’ve never been a mistress, but I could use my husband’s mistress and now ex-mistress. But before I go on, just want to write one thing that really annoyed or upset the man that I married. He asked me not to call the woman he had an affair with, his ex girlfriend, mistress and even a lover, “Ditto” right?
To continue, how does the mistress feel when the affair has been discovered? From my own experience, my husband said to me that she understood from the start that he doesn’t want to break his family for our kid’s sake, devoted right but this conversation they had was after he slept with her. To make the story short, his mistress is still part of our life, but if you ask him he will tell you that he already washed his hands when it comes to her. This woman is pissed and hurt, not betrayed, wives are the one that feel betrayed. For 3 years now his ex mistress has done everything possible, so my husband will know who he messes around with. At first he blamed me because I humiliated her, duh! if I’m not carrying his last name and if he didn’t betray and used my secret to her, my life will not be this way.
Anyway she send text, email, regular letters, passing through our house, will shout in front of my home, left roses in front of our front door for him, harass my 2 daughters inside the face book, gave me the voice recorded she made while they were having sex. This are some of the things that she does, and now writing me a very nice letter asking me for something.
But it differ to individual, but this is mine so I guess mistress has different kinds of tantrum
Last Updated on August 10, 2021 by Team CrazyJackz
Narcissists are people who feel that they are superior to everyone in this world.
So obviously, a relationship with such a kind of person is even more difficult. Unlike normal people, when a narcissist dumped you, it becomes so devastating that they make you feel worse and useless.
So what happens if you ignore such a narcissist who dumped you?
Will they feel confused? Will he/she come back? or Will they completely don’t care about you?
In this article, We’ll reveal to you the complete personality of the narcissist. How they behave, how they think, and finally what happens when you ignore a narcissist who dumped you. See This sends a SHIVER up a man’s spine if he dumped and left you
See, you may have already seen many websites that bombard you with some absolute nonsense, which are in no way practical. But I at crazyJackz only give you practical conclusions that are true to real life.
If you are reading this article, most probably you already know who a narcissist is. As we all know, Narcissists tend to calculate the value of all the things and people they meet. The problem is that they apply this even to relationships.
They always calculate the value of everything, as they want all the high-value things and people to feed their egos. They feel they are the most superior creatures living and thus feel that only high people and things can match them.
So coming to the main point. How a narcissist sees a relationship is completely different from what others see. According to their view, a partner is the one who increases their value and standard. This is the reason why a narcissist unknowingly gets attracted to good looking, high status, highly popular people.
Though it may seem materialistic, a narcissist may dump you because of three reasons.
- They feel that you are no longer that charismatic, popular person.
- You attacked his/her ego and made them feel less.
- They found another partner who has higher looks and higher status than you.
In general, a narcissist tends to believe that he is the one who was having the upper hand in the relationship. So this is exactly what a narcissist expects when they dump you..
- You would feel completely devastated as he/she has dumped you suddenly.
- You would start missing them and try contacting them.
- You would apologize and even cry for them to get back into the relationship.
- On the other side, the narcissist plans to simply ignore you, while boasting to others that you still love and chase them so much.
If you read a narcissist’s mind, this is what you will find out. If not why do you think narcissists generally dump a person all of a sudden unexpectedly. See The real reason why he pulled away all of a sudden
As I explained above, a narcissist will be expecting such a kind of response from you. But if you start ignoring them, he gets confused completely, and this is what happens.
1. They may delete your number and even block you:
Whenever a narcissist feels ignored the first thing he thinks to plan is revenge. Thus they immediately start reacting and thus may delete your number and block you on all social networks.
See this true story across the forums..
My narc ex just blocked me last night. Two weeks ago, I initiated No Contact. He would not leave me alone and was begging me. I caved two days ago… I answered his text. Just to tell him goodbye again. I tried to call and then he blocked me.
2. They start feeling less:
The moment you start ignoring, the narcissist starts to feel less. A narcissist can’t tolerate someone ignoring them and your silent treatment straightly affects his/her self-confidence. You can clearly observe the change in their behavior too. He/she talks less, they become less charismatic, and many more. See Use this sneaky ‘reverse psychology’ trick on your ex
3. They get angry as to why you are not caring:
When a narcissist is attacked, their biggest response is anger. They get so irritated as to why you are not caring, at all. They may even plan to spread bad rumors about you. In simple, you become their biggest enemy. Thus they try to do whatever they can, just to get your attention and affect you.
Thus once you get affected, he/she will start feeling good. Though this may seem dangerous this is what happens when a narcissist gets angry with you.
4. They may start stalking you:
Listen to this another story on forums:
He broke up with me. We haven’t talked in days but i see him online a lot on an app we used to talk on. I know he only talked to me on that one. And whenever i was mad at him and not talking,he d always go online to see if i’m online and log off withing a second. He’s doing that again. Monitoring me but not talking. Just logging off immediately. What is going on?
In general Narcissists are great stalkers. They subconsciously expect that you shouldn’t be happy without them. So if you start being happy talking to others, they may get irritated. This is the reason they generally stalk to know what you are doing now, after the breakup. They even stalk you online and observe your posts just to check why you are ignoring him.
5. They may start finding a new relationship just to pose before you:
This is another spell of a narcissist just to attack you more. When you start ignoring a narcissistic ex, they assume that you are happy without him. So all he/she now wants to show you is that they are much happier without you. Read 7 Striking signs that he loves the other woman
So there are chances that they may try to find another partner who is more popular and beautiful than you. Now their main motto becomes to show you that they are more happier with their new partner, than with you.
But believe me, if you start doing the same, he/she is going to get collapsed. This is the most insane form of hurting the narcissist as they can’t ever bear one thing… ‘They being replaced’.
Imagine, what if you open the mobile, there comes a message “I MISS YOU, I NEED YOU” from your narcissist ex?
What if he starts chasing you, pleading you even in front of all your friends?
This is what happens..
When you strongly trigger the narcissist’s right side brain, the emotional brain. Yes, You are just a step away from using the 3 secret psychological loopholes that make your narcissist ex to come crawling back to you.
Creator, Divorced Girl Smiling
There she is, all smiles, happy and glowing. Her hair is perfect. You know she spent at least an hour on it. Her nails are flawless, even her toenails aren’t chipping. Your ex-husband’s new girlfriend has prepped to the hilt. She’s still in that phase of her relationship when she’s got to look perfect for every date with him.
The biggest thing: She’s got that look on her face. You know the one. It’s the look of being completely in love, and the reason you know it so well is that you once had this look. And now, your ex’s new girlfriend has it! She gazes at him when he speaks. He can say nothing that isn’t brilliant. She giggles every time he makes a joke, even if it isn’t funny. And the worst one, he looks at her the exact same way.
It doesn’t matter if your ex dumped you, or you were the one who broke up with them. In either scenario, meeting the new girlfriend isn’t easy. I know because I experienced it.
So, here are some do’s and don’ts that I can share that might make things easier when you come face to face with your old guy’s new gal.
1. Don’t be rude! On the contrary, be really, really nice. Here’s why: First of all, if you have kids, it will make them so happy that everyone is getting along, that you will feel like being friendly is completely worth it just for that reason. Secondly, it will not only make everyone have respect for you, but you will have respect for yourself. You’ll feel great, trust me! Walk right up to her and shake her hand. Even if it’s difficult, do it! You can never lose by taking the high road and being nice.
2. Do remember that even if she wasn’t in the picture, you and your guy would not be together, so there’s no reason to be bitter or jealous. And, if he broke up with you for her, just keep telling yourself that there is an amazing guy waiting for you and at some point, you will meet him. Be patient and trust it.
3. Don’t be overly nice and or fake to the point of being obnoxious. Be really sweet, but keep your distance a little bit. Everyone knows you’re not going to be best friends with her.
4. Do remember that she is now the proud new owner of a relationship with his mother! Tell yourself how much fun she’s going to have dealing with that!
5. Don’t compare yourself with her physically. She might be really pretty and that’s okay. Did you expect your ex to date a dog? Try to focus on the physical things you like about yourself. Have you been eating healthy? Are you working out? Do you like your new haircut? How about that lipstick everyone is telling you looks so great on you? Just like yourself. It’s okay if the girl is cute. You’re not competing with her.
6. Do try to be happy for your ex. Obviously, the two of you don’t get along (or you’d still be together). But, try to remember the good in him and what you used to love about him, and realize that those are the things she probably loves about him. He also might be nicer to you and easier to deal with in co-parenting issues if he is happy. So, in effect, she is good for you !
7. Do remember that the things about him that bugged the crap out of you They will surely start to bug her if they don’t already. He isn’t going to be a different person with her. He’s going to be him. Whether she can take it for the long haul remains to be seen. You couldn’t, but maybe she can. But, it doesn’t matter. Focus on yourself, your own life, and your own love life.
And one more thing — it helps when your friends are there and they tell you that you are a lot cuter than her, even if they’re just saying it to be nice.
Jackie Pilossoph is the author of the blog, Divorced Girl Smiling. She is also the author of the comedic novel, FREE GIFT WITH PURCHASE about dating after divorce. Ms. Pilossoph is a weekly business features reporter for the Pioneer Press, with the monthly column, “Heart of the North Shore.” She lives in Chicago with her two kids. And she’s divorced (obviously).
By Kate Spring — Written on May 24, 2017
Are you tired of having women pull away? Tired of going on a handful of dates only to realize after the fact that she’s not into you anymore?
You’re not the only guy who has gone through this. Plenty of men have dealt with and still deal with this, in dating.
But that is where I come in. I want to let you in on a few reasons as to why women lose interest, as well as give you some solutions on how to keep women interested in you and ways to keep them hooked.
Women are masters at mixed signals, and I know that this frustrates a lot of men. To un-complicate things, here are 4 reasons why women pull away:
1. She wants to see if you’ll chase her.
One of the sneakiest ways that a woman can gauge how much you like her is by backing off to see if you will chase her. If she backs off after a few great dates without an explanation, she could be testing you to see how interested you really are in her.
If you’re really interested, then you will chase her, but if you’re not, then she can tell that she wasn’t that special to you because you don’t go after her.
I’m not saying that this is right by any means, but it’s a truth that I see happen to men all the time. In her mind, if you want her, then you will chase her. And if not, then she knows that she didn’t mean that much to you.
This is not the ideal course of action, but women want to be wanted and if they don’t feel like that, then they will slowly back away. They want a man to take an initiative in dating.
2. She sees you as too available.
The second reason why a woman pulls away is if she feels like you’re too available to her. She wants time to miss you. If you’re readily available to her, she never has a chance to miss you.
Being too available presents itself in a few ways:
- Answering her texts within seconds of receiving them.
- Blowing up her phone before she has a chance to respond.
- Always available to hang out in a moment’s notice.
- When she never has to plan in advance to see you.
You want to gradually let her know that you like her. If you give it all up in the beginning, she will have nothing to chase. She will have you, in a sense, and that’s not what she wants.
Women want to chase you as well. Allow her to wonder what you’re doing when you can’t respond to her text message right away.
For example, if she takes a while to get back to your last text, then you too should take your time responding. If she doesn’t respond within a couple of hours, mirror her actions and take a couple of hours to reply. She wants to want you too.
3. She doesn’t think you’re taking the relationship seriously.
This one might seem like a contradiction to some of the other reasons why women pull away, but some women pull away when they think that you’re not a serious person.
If you’ve gone on a handful of dates and she feels like she hasn’t really gotten to know you below the surface, she will think that you’re just in this for fun and nothing else.
Part of dating and moving towards being in a relationship is slowly disclosing information about yourself and having the ability to be vulnerable. Not all the time, but it’s important to find a balance between having fun and genuinely getting to know someone.
And if you’re all about the fun, she will pull away because she can’t see you being serious and getting serious with her in the future.
4. She’s just not that into you.
The bluntest reason why a woman is pulling away is because she’s just not that into you. It’s the hardest one to grasp, but you shouldn’t chase someone who doesn’t want to be with you.
In dating, you’re going to run into a few dead ends, such as dates that don’t transpire into a relationship, and that’s okay. It means you’re just getting close to the one who wants to be with you.
There is a time and place to be the cool guy. However, at some point in the game, you need to drop the cool guy act and be comfortable just being yourself. After a while, that façade gets tired.
So the best way to attract women is to learn to be comfortable being yourself. I understand that this is not an overnight thing, but it is something that contributes to longevity in a relationship.
Now that you know some of the reasons why women pull away, it’s time to move on to some ways to keep her hooked.
Here are 5 solutions in order to keep her hooked and interested in you:
1. Give her space to miss you.
One of the most important things to remember in any new relationship is that you don’t need to spend every waking second together.
If you start dating someone and your life becomes consumed by them, then you’re caught up in lust. In this lustful phase of a relationship, you neglect a really important part in in initial stages of a relationship, which is establishing boundaries. You’re so caught up in one another that you forget to educate that person on how you want to be treated.
Plus, a relationship that begins in lust usually has a short shelf life.
Smothering someone and being too available are a hindrance to dating and getting a girlfriend. If you really want to keep a girl interested in you for longer than a night, then let her chase you. Don’t show all of your cards at once.
Maintain your friendships and keep doing the things in your life that you did before she entered it.
2. Keep things interesting.
One of the most important ways to keep a woman hooked on you is to keep your encounters interesting.
For the first couple of get-to-know-you-dates, it’s important to keep them fun and light hearted. If you really want to make a girl get hooked on you, keep the dates interesting.
Switch it up, and show her that you’ve put effort into being with her and making your time together special. Plan a date ahead of time that is not dinner and a movie. Take her on a hike and plan a picnic for the top of a hiking adventure.
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It never fails. You have a fantastic day at work, come home and are immediately greeted with a deluge of complaints. While you can cope with an occasional valid complaint, your wife’s whining about the way the garbage truck set down the can in the wrong place on the curb is grating on your nerves. In the face of such complaints, maintaining your own positive attitude is essential while you deal with your wife’s behavior.
Act positively, no matter how negative your wife’s words. In the face of cheerfulness, complaining is often exposed for the destructive behavior that it is. Just as turning on a lamp vanquishes darkness, turning on a good attitude will illuminate her complaining. With luck, she’ll hear how negative her complaining sounds against this positive backdrop and change her words. Even if she doesn’t, you’ll be protecting yourself from the effects of unrelenting negativity.
Resist the urge to attempt to solve her problems. Professor and wit Mason Cooley once said, “Complainers change their complaints, but they never reduce the amount of time spent in complaining.” For example, if your wife complains that she doesn’t like her job and you suggest she find another one, you are setting the stage for new complaints about how the town you live in is lousy and doesn’t have many opportunities.
Listen sympathetically and empathize. For example, after hearing your wife complain about how awful it is to go grocery shopping with your toddler, let her know that you understand how trying it can be to try to buy groceries while keeping your son from knocking boxes and cans off the shelves. Validating your wife’s feelings can turn off complaining quickly, says psychologist Guy Winch.
Ignore the complaining as much as possible. “Feeding” the complaints by arguing or attempting to point out why they are invalid is likely to lead to an argument. Instead of getting into a long discussion about why the neighborhood is going downhill, change the subject.
Refuse to cater to her negative mood, advises clinical social worker Leslie Vernick. Doing so means that you’ll be walking on eggshells. Instead of canceling a trip to the beach because your wife is complaining that the weather is too cold, go without her. You might say something like, “I’m sorry the weather is too cold for you, but I’m still going. Hopefully, you’ll reconsider.” When you don’t allow complaining to alter your life, it begins to lose its power.
Encourage your wife to seek counseling. Complaining is often due to a genuine feeling that the world is a bad place and that one’s life is harder than most, notes Winch. Talking to an objective third party can help your wife to see that her life is not any more difficult than that of most other people in the world and that she can change the way she views and reacts to the world. Seeing a counselor can also help your wife to rule out clinical depression, which can underlie a negative attitude.
Remember that your wife is responsible for her own happiness. If she chooses to view situations from a negative world view, it is not your fault. Do what is in your power to create a happy home and life and let your example inspire your wife to change her attitude.