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So you just want to play, relax and have some fun time in your room? here are some good instructions!
if you spill, be sure to clean up- you don’t want the ants in your room.
Don’t lock your parents out the room even if you don’t want them in there with you. That’s pretty rude and disrespectful, and you could get in trouble. If they are bored or in a funny mood, let them come but not when they are busy, upset or simply don’t want to be bothered, let them in on their own accord.
A clean house can help a depressed mind. Learn coping skills that can help you stay on top of your housework.
One of the key signs of depression is when you suspend taking care of day-to-day chores, like cleaning your house. Depression leaves you feeling so down and tired that you just let things go. Unfortunately, a messy house can add to those feelings of depression — creating a destructive cycle that feeds on itself. Once the mess gets too large and chaotic, people with depression can’t imagine how to begin tackling the household duties. They feel hopeless and helpless against the clutter and dirt, which reinforces depression.
How to Keep It Clean When You’re Depressed
A recent study found that performing at least 20 minutes of daily physical activity, including domestic housework, benefited mental health and lowered risks of psychological problems. Don’t let depression force you to live in a messy house. Here are some ways to cope:
- Break it up. Devise a schedule so you’re only cleaning one or two rooms every day vs. having to clean an entire house, which can seem like an enormous and daunting task.
- Clean as you go. Sometimes keeping your house clean is as simple as not cluttering it up in the first place. Wash your dishes right after using them, rather than letting them sit in the sink, and store your tools once you’re finished with a project. By putting things away right after you’ve used them, you can prevent clutter from occurring in the first place — or from getting even worse.
- Don’t procrastinate. When you have depression, it’s easy to shrug chores off and say you’ll do them later — fight that urge and live in the present. If you take care of things now, it will cut down on the time and effort needed to clean up after the fact. Wiping up a spill right after it occurs is a lot easier than scrubbing a hardened, crusty stain once it’s dried. Depression might make you feel sad or sluggish, but taking care of these little tasks can offer you a sense of accomplishment and pride.
- Store your cleaning supplies wisely. Not being able to find the necessary cleaning products gives you a chance to throw up your hands and say, “Why bother?” Don’t become frustrated — make sure you have what you need close at hand. Keep bathroom cleaners in the bathroom and kitchen cleaners in the kitchen. If you’ve got hardwood floors on the first floor and carpeting on the second floor, store your vacuum cleaner upstairs for easy access.
You can get further ahead by taking care of chores that will prevent dirt and grime from forming. For example, brushing your dog or cat once a week cuts down on all the tumbleweeds of fur rolling through your house, which you’ll eventually have to vacuum.
- Pay attention to busy areas. If you’re feeling particularly tired or depressed, focus on cleaning the rooms where your family spends most of its time. Vacuum well-traveled hallways or clean up clutter in the kitchen and living room. Spend your energy where it will do the most good.
- Rope your family in. Why should you have all the fun? Give family members specific housekeeping tasks to complete. Be sure to let them know that by helping with the housework, they are helping you cope with depression.
Keep in mind that things may not be bad as you think. Eighty percent of people with depression improve with the proper treatment, often within a few weeks. You don’t have to resign yourself to a messy house while you deal with depression — by getting your home in order, you will also rid yourself of a source of stress.
Don’t push your children away with these annoying habits
by Judith Newman, AARP, April 12, 2019
For most of my 20s, I kept two phone lines. One number was for everybody, except one person; the other was for my mother.
This was in the 1980s, before caller ID. I needed to know, with absolute certainty, that I could pick up my regular phone and not end up in a two-hour conversation about whether I was making enough money, or if I was dating, or if I had heard from that nice boy who had dumped me or whether I knew there was another serial killer in my neighborhood. So much to talk about! Most of these discussions played to my deepest anxieties that I was never going to make a living as a writer and never find someone to love me — though maybe none of that mattered because I would end up chopped up into little bits by the serial killer (who probably never called his mother, either). My mother wasn’t trying to make me hate her. She loved me — and love makes people do strange things.
Now that I have two grown sons, I see things all too clearly from my mother’s perspective: the endless anxiety, the near certainty that my kids are on the brink of making life decisions they will not be able to walk back, the absolute certainty they won’t wear earmuffs when everyone should wear earmuffs. But now there is caller ID, unfortunately, so my sons can tell when it’s me calling and not pick up.
Before I reach the point of registering myself as a “private caller,” to improve the odds they’ll answer, I’m trying to get a grip. And you should, too. There are so many ways to push away your adult kids. Here’s a small sampling of what not to do.
Invade their lives
Want your kid to avoid you on a daily basis? Make sure you have no idea where you end and he begins.
Susie Jo Levin’s mother was very eager for her to get married. Very. Eventually, Levin, 58, a writer in northern New Jersey, met a lovely guy and got engaged, but the relationship faltered. “Our breakup was sad but amicable. I tell my mother over the Thanksgiving holiday. She has a meltdown. She gathers every speck of childhood memorabilia in her house and stuffs all 10 boxes into my car. Why? I don’t know. She was just furious. But this is what every newly dis-engaged woman needs in a 250-square-foot apartment: a vintage Easy-Bake Oven, letters from camp and old prom dresses.” Somehow, says Levin, “this was her breakup” — caused by her daughter’s crappy choices.
Fast-forward a few years, when Levin met the man she ultimately did marry, and the ex-boyfriend (now a friend) was at their wedding. Her mother turned to the ex and said, “See, this could have been your wedding.”
Jane Greer, a psychotherapist and author of What About Me? Stop Selfishness from Ruining Your Relationship, has counseled many parents and their adult children. This lack of boundaries, she observes, is the children’s No. 1 complaint. It’s a reaction to the parent “who takes your successes and failures way too personally — who wants to know what you’re doing, where you’re going, how much it costs,” Greer says.
“And the kid is thinking, What part of ‘on my own’ don’t you understand?”
You lend the kids money, then complain about their spending. You give the grandkids Amazon gift cards but tell them they’re only for books. “My husband’s mother gave us money for a down payment on the house, which meant, as far as she was concerned, she got the key,” says one friend. “Actually, that was fine. What wasn’t fine was that she never, ever knocked before she used it.”
First, gifts are wonderful, but they do not give you an all-access pass to your adult child’s life. And second, a gift with strings attached isn’t really a gift at all.
A messy bedroom can add to everyday stress, cause anxiety, and even interfere with your quality of sleep. A clean, organized sleeping space, on the other hand, helps encourage relaxation and restfulness when you hit the sheets at night. A few simple housekeeping tasks can turn your bedroom into a more inviting environment that leaves you feeling calm and well-rested for the day ahead. So when life starts to feel hectic, bring some tranquility back to yourself by dedicating just an hour to cleaning your bedroom.
By dividing your chore list into quick, efficient tasks, you can cover all your bedroom bases, including surfaces, linens, and even your floors. This bedroom cleaning checklist helps you get the job done quickly and efficiently, meaning you can spend more time relaxing and less time stressing about the mess. Use this deep-cleaning checklist to create a schedule that works for you. As a general rule of thumb, aim to complete this list of cleaning tasks about once a week. When you’re done with our bedroom cleaning checklist, your space will be neat, tidy, and prepared to give you a good night’s rest.
Step 1: Take Out Trash
Perhaps the easiest task on your bedroom cleaning checklist, start by taking care of simple, everyday messes. If you don’t already have a small wastebasket in your room, we recommend getting one. Whether it’s from tearing tags off clothing, tissues, or late-night snacking, small trash can easily pile up. Throw away any trash around the room first, then empty the wastebasket.
Editor’s Tip: Keep extra trash bags in the bottom of your wastebasket. When it’s time to empty it, you’ll have liners handy after you’ve removed the existing trash bag.
Step 2: Pick Up Dirty Clothes
Find your floor again by picking up any articles of dirty clothing and placing them in a hamper. If you can fit a hamper in your closet, opt for an open bin, which is easier to use during rushed mornings when it’s tempting to drop clothes on the floor.
Step 3: Put Away Clean Clothes
While your mind is already on laundry, take some time to fold and put away any clean laundry you have lying around. A few minutes is all it takes to clear your floor space and tuck shirts and pants into dresser drawers. For an organized bedroom closet, make sure to hang blouses and sweaters facing the same direction. This will also make choosing outfits in the morning easier as you file through your clothes.
Step 4: Strip Your Bed
Even if you shower before bed every night and keep food out of the bedroom, your sheets need to be washed and changed regularly. Take the time to strip the bed as you clean the rest of your room. Remove the comforter, sheets, and pillowcases. If you have a duvet with a cover, remove the cover and wash it with your sheets. The comforter should be washed occasionally, but it is not necessary to include in the laundry each time you wash your bed linens.
Step 5: Clear Surface Clutter
Halfway through your bedroom deep-cleaning checklist, most of the bigger tasks are complete and it’s time to focus on the details, starting with surface clutter. Nightstands, dressers, vanities, and desks are all prone to becoming drop zones for small daily objects that accumulate over time. Take a few minutes to put these items back in their rightful homes. If you notice a daily habit, such as commonly picking up keys, applying cosmetics, or choosing jewelry, consider creating an organization system for these frequently-used items. A small, decorative tray on the dresser is a no-fuss way to corral jewelry, while a small box in a nightstand drawer stays at the ready for tucking away reading glasses and other accessories.
Whether you were a little kid who just couldn’t be bothered to clean your room unless told to do so, a college student who let things slip whenever a big paper or exam rolled around, or an adult who sometimes leaves dishes in the sink, chances are, you’ve made or ignored a mess.
Normally, you might not think that this means anything other than that you’re short on time. And that can, in fact, be all there is to it. Having a messy room doesn’t necessarily mean that there’s anything else going on in terms of your mental health, but, in some cases, it can indicate something more serious.
“Some people simply don’t value cleanliness and they prioritize other things over keeping a room clean,” Weena Cullins , a marriage and family therapist, told INSIDER. “When you think about it, there’s a mundaneness and a monotony with keeping up with tasks like this that need to be completed routinely without much more benefit to them than returning to a clean room, so sometimes a refusal to keep a room clean is more about that than anything else.”
A messy room can also be a sign that you have depression.
Several of the criteria for a depression diagnosis — hopelessness, fatigue, and lack of concentration — can all play a role in why your messy room is in the state it’s in. Cullins explained that, in the case of fatigue, many times you’re struggling to get out of bed. “If you can barely get out of the bed, it’s unlikely that you have the energy to clean your room,” she added.
If you’re feeling a little less than hopeful, you might have a hard time understanding why you should even bother to clean up or organize things since, from where you’re standing, everything seems to be going wrong anyway. Cullins noted that, for people with depression, it can be a “struggle to find joy or see a light at the end of a dark tunnel.” If it’s not going to help anything, why even try?
Lack of concentration, too, can make the actual task of cleaning up your room impossible.
“While it may sound strange to forget to clean up your room since you’re reminded of the condition of the room each day, depression can make you easily distracted,” Cullins said. “So you can intend to put things in order in your room and never find the concentration or the energy to get around to it because you have so many other things going on.”
Even if you don’t recognize that you fit the criteria for an official diagnosis of depression (or just plain don’t fit the criteria) if you’re overwhelmed or have a lot going on in your head, cleaning your room can still be a major challenge.
“Sometimes when life feels out of control or stressful other areas of your life get affected one being your working or living space,” Kimberly Hershenson , a therapist, told INSIDER. “If you’re depressed or overwhelmed with life you may feel you don’t have time to clean/organize, you may feel you don’t deserve a clean space or you may be so preoccupied with other things you don’t even notice how messy your room has become.”
If you’re concerned that the messiness of your bedroom, kitchen, or any other room in your living space might mean that there’s something going on mental health-wise, the first thing you might want to do is speak with a qualified professional who can help you sort out what’s going on. A therapist, counselor, or even your primary care physician could all help you or, at least, point you in the right direction.
Additionally, Hershenson noted that you don’t have to try to tackle the whole mess all at once. “Set a goal to do one small task a day to clean up your space whether it’s putting the dishes in the dishwasher or making your bed,” she said. “Thinking about cleaning everything at once may be too much so start small.” This approach will help it feel much more manageable.
But just because your room is messy, doesn’t mean you have depression, of course.
As Cullins noted, some people are simply uninterested in picking things up or don’t prioritize or value making sure that they have a tidy space.
“If you’re constantly hoping to stay more organized and keep the room clean, but find yourself unable to do it for other reasons, that’s when you know that it’s time for an intervention,” Cullins said.
Reflect on why your room isn’t cleaner. Is it because you just don’t care whether it’s clean or not or is it because, try as you might, you just can’t clean it? And if you need help — ask for it.
- Why does my child have so many nighttime fears?
- Should I give my child monster spray to help him ward off nighttime fears?
- How can I tell whether my child’s nighttime fears are abnormal?
Why does my child have so many nighttime fears?
Bedtime fears – the dark, monsters under the bed, and sleeping alone – are all common at this age. They tend to start around age 2 and may last until age 8 or 9.
These are the years when your child’s powers of imagination are exploding, which means that now he can imagine new and scary things to be afraid of. And because he spends a good portion of his day immersed in fantasy play (in the company of dragons and dinosaurs and bad guys), it can be hard for him to shut off his imagination at bedtime and go to sleep.
Even familiar things that have never been scary before, like his darkened bedroom, may suddenly seem frightening against the backdrop of what he’s been conjuring up all day. And your child is still learning to distinguish fantasy from reality, so the possibility of an invisible creature under his bed seems quite real to him.
In addition to having a more vivid imagination, preschoolers are also beginning to grasp that there are things in the world that can hurt them. Your job for the next ten years or so is to help your child understand the difference between a real danger (accepting a ride from a stranger) and something that just feels like one (the “witch” in the space between the wall and his bed).
What can I do to help my child get over his nighttime fears?
You may not be able to help him completely resolve his fears right now (because it’s mostly a stage he’ll have to grow out of), but there is a lot you can do to help him cope with his fears and get to sleep more easily.
In the hours before bed, prime your child with happy stories. (You’ve undoubtedly noticed how dark some fairy tales and fairy tales and animated movies can be.) Don’t watch violent or suspenseful television shows or movies while he’s still in the room. Avoid exposing your child to screens at all in the last hour or two before bedtime.
Establish a peaceful evening routine that includes, for example, a warm bath, a gentle story, a quiet song, and a few minutes of you sitting quietly by his bed while he settles. Ask your librarian for a list of storybooks about kids dealing with bedtime fears or see which bedtime books other BabyCenter members recommend. (One perennial favorite to add to your list is Bedtime for Frances by Russell Hoban.)
The lulling sameness of a bedtime ritual serves as a talisman of sorts, warding off evildoers and bad thoughts and easing the transition from wide-awake to sound asleep. A night-light may also make your child feel more secure. You can also give him a flashlight of his own to use for a little extra security.
Leaving the bedroom door ajar, playing an audio story or lullabies, and encouraging your child to sleep with a beloved toy or blanket may also help. If your child has a sibling or even a pet, letting them bunk together can make nighttime fears vanish as suddenly as they appeared.
If your child is afraid of being alone and is comforted only by contact with you, consider using a two-way baby monitor. Newer models let your child talk into the monitor and hear you talk back, reassuring him that you’re still there even when you’re out of sight.
Granted, this privilege may be easily abused, and its constant use can get tedious. But it could be a way to keep a nervous child in his bed while you get to be somewhere else, and the novelty of overuse should wear off within a few nights. After that, just keeping the monitor on your child’s nightstand may be comfort enough.
And don’t worry about having your child sleep with you for a while, just until his nighttime fears subside and he’s off to another developmental challenge. As long as everyone’s happy and rested, it’s time well spent.
Should I give my child monster spray to help him ward off nighttime fears?
For some young children, a spray bottle filled with water might be an effective tool to ward off imaginary creatures lurking in the closet or under the bed — but it depends on the child.
Some kids will think it’s funny. It may give them a feeling of power when you say, “If you think you see a monster, just spray it with this, and it will go away.”
But for other kids, this strategy can backfire. After all, being armed with monster spray means you’re expected to do battle with the thing under the bed, and that’s a pretty scary thought for a little kid. It may be better for you to spray the room before you kiss him goodnight. But he may still think, “If grown-ups actually have this stuff to get rid of monsters, then there must really be monsters.”
The same goes for making a big deal of searching your child’s room for monsters before kissing him goodnight — it may reassure one child and terrify another. “If there are no creatures lurking in my room,” your preschooler might wonder, “then why is my mom looking for them?”
So use your judgment. Only you can know whether tactics like these are likely to offer your child solace or elevate his anxiety. He may prefer calming rituals such as reading and soft music to help him feel secure at bedtime.
How can I tell whether my child’s nighttime fears are abnormal?
If you’ve done everything you can to reassure your child and he’s still intensely fearful, his fears may have crossed the line from a normal developmental issue to a phobia or anxiety problem. If so, you’ll need to get some help for him.
Telltale signs of a phobia include crying and carrying on that repeatedly lasts more than a few minutes and blowing a normal fear way out of proportion. (For example, if your child says, “Turn on all the lights in the house so the robbers can’t kill us” instead of “I’m scared of the dark.”)
Extreme or persistent nighttime fears can result from a disturbing or traumatic event in the home, at preschool or daycare, or in the larger world. Even the youngest kids are aware of and vulnerable to the stress of a divorce or a death in the family, or a parent’s job loss. Moving to a new house, changing caregivers or teachers, and experiencing an act of violence or a natural disaster can also trigger nighttime fears, as can physical or emotional abuse.
If your child will do anything to avoid facing a fear, or if he can’t fall asleep because he’s genuinely afraid (not because he wants to stay up late), he may have an underlying emotional issue that needs to be addressed. Ask your child’s doctor to recommend a therapist in your area.
“I hate school, and I’m not going back!”
Have you ever had that thought? Lots of kids do. Usually this feeling doesn’t last long. But what happens if you feel this way too much? School is a fact of life, and getting an education can help you build the kind of future life you want.
So let’s talk about school and what to do when you don’t like it.
Signs of School Stress
When you worry about school, it can affect your body. A kid who feels stressed about school might have headaches or stomachaches. You might feel “butterflies” or like you have to throw up.
Having trouble sleeping is also a sign of stress. And if you’re not getting enough sleep, you probably feel grouchy and tired during the day. Feeling tired can make your school day seem even worse.
If you’re stressed out, you might have a hard time making decisions. In the morning, you can’t decide what to eat, what to wear, or what to pack for lunch. You don’t want to go to school, so you put off getting your stuff together. And now you’re not prepared to go to school, and you’ve just missed the bus — again! Staying home may seem like a good choice, but it just makes it harder to go to school the next day.
Why Do Some Kids Dislike School?
If you don’t like school, the first step is finding out why. You might not like school because a bully is bothering you, or because a kid you don’t like wants to hang around with you. Or maybe you don’t get along with your teacher. You might feel different or worry that you don’t have enough friends.
Sometimes it’s a problem with your classes and schoolwork. Maybe the work is too easy and you get bored. Or maybe the work is too hard, or you don’t feel as smart as the other kids. Reading or math may be difficult for you, but you’re expected to do a lot of it. You may be getting farther and farther behind, and it may seem like you’ll never catch up. Maybe you’re dealing with worries, stress, or problems that make it hard to concentrate on schoolwork.
When you stop to think about why you don’t like school, you can start taking steps to make things better.
It’s a good idea to talk to someone about your problems with school. Your mom, dad, relative, teacher, or school counselor will be able to help you. It’s especially important to tell an adult if the problem is that you’re being bullied or someone hurts you physically.
Another good idea is to write down your feelings about school in a journal. You can use a journal or diary or just write in an ordinary notebook. It’s a great way to let out emotions that may be stuck inside you. And you don’t have to share what you’ve written with others.
If you feel disorganized or like you can’t keep up with your schoolwork, your teachers and school counselors want to help. Teachers want and expect you to ask for help when you have trouble learning. If all of your subjects seem really hard, a school counselor can help you sort things out. Special help with schoolwork is available if you need it.
Try not to let the problems go on too long. It’s easier to catch up on one chapter than the whole book!
Feeling Better About School
The next time you find yourself disliking school, try this:
- First, write down everything you don’t like about school.
- Then make a list of the good things you enjoy (even if it’s only recess and lunch, that’s a start!).
Now, what can you change on the “don’t like” list? Would remembering to do your homework help you feel more confident if you’re called on in class? Can you get help with schoolwork that’s hard? Who can you talk to about a worry or problem you’re dealing with? Could you find a way to show off your special interests and talents? If you made just one new friend, would you feel less alone? If you helped someone else feel less alone, would you feel even better? Which activities could you try that would help you meet new friends?
Of course, you might not be able to change everything on your “don’t like” list. A bully may not simply disappear. Reading may always be a challenge. But that’s OK. Focus on what you can change and you might be able to put the cool back in school!
Postnatal depression can affect women in different ways. It can start at any point in the first year after giving birth and may develop suddenly or gradually.
Many women feel a bit down, tearful or anxious in the first week after giving birth. This is often called the “baby blues” and is so common that it’s considered normal. The “baby blues” don’t last for more than 2 weeks after giving birth.
If your symptoms last longer or start later, you could have postnatal depression.
Common symptoms of postnatal depression
The main symptoms include:
- feeling sad, low in mood or tearful much of the time
- feeling irritable towards your partner, baby or other children
- loss of interest in the world around you and no longer enjoying things that used to give you pleasure (like you “can’t be bothered”)
- lack of energy and feeling tired all the time
- trouble sleeping at night, you may be awake even when your baby is sleeping
- feeling very sleepy during the day
- problems concentrating and making decisions
- loss of appetite or overeating (comfort eating)
- feeling agitated or irritable
- negative thoughts such as feeling you are not a good enough mother, you are unable to look after your baby or your baby does not love you
- feelings of guilt, hopelessness and self-blame
- feeling anxious that something bad may happen to your baby
- problems bonding with your baby, no sense of enjoyment in being with them
If you think you may be depressed talk to a GP, midwife or health visitor as soon as possible so you can access the support you need.
Urgent advice: Contact a GP, or call 111, immediately if:
- you have frightening thoughts about hurting your baby (these can be scary, but people with these kinds of thoughts rarely harm their baby)
- you are thinking about suicide and self-harm.
- you develop unusual beliefs (delusions) or have hallucinations (seeing and hearing things that are not real, like hearing voices)
Immediate action required: Call 999 if:
- you think there’s a danger of immediate harm to yourself or others
Do not struggle on alone and hope the problem will go away. It can continue for months or years or get worse if nothing is done. Depression is treatable and you can get better with the right help.
Fathers and partners can also become depressed after the birth of a baby. You should seek help if this is affecting you.
Spotting the signs in others
Postnatal depression can develop gradually and it can be hard to recognise. Some parents may avoid talking to family and friends about how they’re feeling because they worry they’ll be judged for not coping or not appearing happy.
Signs for partners, family and friends to look out for in new parents include:
- frequently crying for no obvious reason
- having difficulty bonding with their baby, looking after them only as a duty and not wanting to play with them
- withdrawing from contact with other people
- speaking negatively all the time and saying that they’re hopeless
- neglecting themselves, such as not washing or changing their clothes
- losing all sense of time, such as being unaware whether 10 minutes or 2 hours have passed
- losing their sense of humour
- constantly worrying that something is wrong with their baby, regardless of reassurance
If you think someone you know is depressed, encourage them to talk about their feelings to you, a friend, their GP or their health visitor.
As well as postnatal depression, a number of other mental health conditions can also develop after giving birth (as well as during pregnancy).
- anxiety disorders – including generalised anxiety disorder (GAD), social anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and panic disorder
- obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) – intrusive, unwanted and unpleasant thoughts, images or urges that repeatedly enter a person’s mind, causing them anxiety and leading to repetitive behaviours
- postpartum psychosis – this is a combination of bipolar-like symptoms (feeling ‘high’ or ‘on top of the world’ or feeling depressed), delusions and hallucinations
Speak to a GP or health visitor if you or someone you know may have developed a mental health condition.
More in Postnatal depression
Page last reviewed: 10 December 2018
Next review due: 10 December 2021
Fear of the dark, monsters in the closet, or simply anxiety about going to bed – these are all relatively common in young children at some point during their childhood. How you, as parents and/or guardians, address your child’s fears and offer reassurance will affect his or her ability to fall asleep and stay asleep.
Here are some tips to help your child overcome nighttime fears:
- What is your child afraid of? Begin by identifying the fear. Listen to your child. Ask open-ended questions to allow your child to tell you what makes him or her scared at bedtime. Don’t make fun of your child’s fears. What may seem funny or trivial to you is very real to your child.
- Do not support belief in your child’s imaginative creatures. Even stating that you will somehow destroy “the creature” confirms for your child that the creature does exist. This delays bedtime rather than provides comfort.
- Reassure your child’s safety. If your child has a hard time being separated from you, reassure him or her, but then tuck your child back into his or her own bed, not yours! Be gentle, yet firm, about staying in bed. When your child calls out, ask again what is wrong. Then tell your child that everything is okay, that he or she is safe, that nothing will bother him or her, and that they can sleep comfortably in their own bed all night. Telling your child to stay in his or her own bed and that everything is okay will teach your child to trust that his or her own bed is a safe place to be and keep them from leaving their bedroom.
If you need to, it is better to join your child in their room to provide comfort than to let them leave their bedroom and join you in yours or in the living room. It is not recommended that you stay in your child’s room unless your child is extremely frightened. Another option is to tell your child that you promise to check in on him or her briefly, stretching the time out, beginning at, say, 2 to 5 minutes, then checking in every 10 minutes, then every 15 minutes, etc., until he or she is asleep. This assures the child that you will be there to check and that he or she is not alone. Keep your child in his or her own bed if he or she wakes up in the middle of the night. If your child wakes up in the middle of the night and is afraid to fall back to sleep, reassure him or her that everything is okay and that his or her bedroom is safe. If your child wanders into your bedroom, take him or her back to bed and reassure him or her that their bed is a safe and comfortable place.
- Work on building up your child’s self-confidence and coping skills. During daytime hours, work on activities that help build self-confidence. For example, have your child talk about his or her bedtime fears and experiences. You may be able to discuss alternative ways to respond to these fears or cope with them that may help your child feel less frightened at night.
- Keep the bedtime routine ‘light,’ happy, and fun. In the 30 to 60 minutes before bedtime, don’t expose your child to scary movies, TV shows, frightening bedtime stories, scary music or videos, or other stimuli that may be upsetting to your child.
- Allow nightlights and security objects. To provide additional comfort and sense of security, it is also helpful to allow your child to snuggle with his or her favorite soft toy or security blanket throughout the night. If your child would like the light on, leave it on in its dimmest setting or provide a night light. You may leave the bedroom door open too, provided the child knows that it is not acceptable to keep walking out.
- Don’t forget positive reinforcement and/or reward programs. This can take the shape of a sticker program (turned in for a favorite treat). Breakfast treats, small toys, or other special prizes are some possible ways to reward your child. Use positive phrases, such as, “you are doing a great job of staying in bed.” Do not forget to allow the child to discuss any fears in the daytime.
When should a call to the doctor be considered?
Consider calling your doctor if:
- Your child’s bedtimes fear and anxiety continue, are severe, or grow worse.
- Your child’s fears began after a known traumatic experience or event and persist well after the event is over.
Additional Sleep Information and Suggested Readings
Last reviewed by a Cleveland Clinic medical professional on 06/14/2013.
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bother verb ( MAKE AN EFFORT )
- a blitz on sth idiom
- A game
- go out of your way idiom
- go the extra mile idiom
- go to great lengths idiom
- God helps those who help themselves idiom
- grasp at sth
- strain every nerve idiom
- stretch a/the point idiom
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You can also find related words, phrases, and synonyms in the topics:
bother verb ( WORRY )
- be laughing on the other side of your face idiom
- hit/touch a (raw) nerve idiom
- take sb aback
- tear sb apart
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bother verb ( ANNOY )
- annoy It annoys me that you’re always late.
- bother It bothers me that you don’t help with the washing up.
- irritate After a while her behaviour really began to irritate me.
- peeve What peeved her most was that he hadn’t even called her.
- bug He’s been bugging me all morning.
- aggravate It really aggravates me the way he never thanks me for what I’ve done.
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- give sb the shits idiom
- go too far idiom
- hack sb off
- rub sb up the wrong way idiom
- ruffle sb’s feathers idiom
- set sb’s teeth on edge idiom
- step/tread on sb’s toes idiom
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bother noun ( EFFORT )
- a pain (in the neck) idiom
- a pain in the arse/backside idiom
- have fun and games idiom
- put sb out
- put yourself out
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bother noun ( ANNOYING )
- annoyance The café was cash only, which was a minor annoyance as I only had my credit card with me.
- nuisance It’s a nuisance to have to drive to the nearest shop.
- inconvenience Thank you for holding – we apologize for the inconvenience.
- irritation The CEO’s poor communication skills became a source of irritation to the company’s investors.
- irritant The noise of the building work is a constant irritant.
- bore It’s such a bore to have to pack everything up again.
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- a pain (in the neck) idiom
- a pain in the arse/backside idiom
- have fun and games idiom
- put sb out
- put yourself out
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- for crying out loud! idiom
- put/stick that in your pipe and smoke it! idiom
- says who? idiom
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bother | American Dictionary
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bother verb ( MAKE AN EFFORT )
bother verb ( ANNOY )
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bother noun [U] ( EFFORT )
bother noun [U] ( WORRY )
Examples of bother
Translations of bother
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Word of the Day
a view from a very high place that allows you to see a large area
By Rachael Rettner published 27 July 18
Scorching summer days can be tough without air conditioning, and you might find yourself searching for ways to stay cool, including using a fan at night. But is it healthy to sleep with a fan on?
Some recent headlines have made sleeping with a fan on sound downright dangerous. “Why Sleeping with Your Fan on Could Be Seriously Damaging Your Health,” read one recent headline from the Mirror. “Sleeping with a Bedside Fan Could Pose Health Risks,” read another, from LifeZette.
But experts say the reality is not that dire.
“There’s nothing about a fan that’s toxic,” said Dr. Len Horovitz, a pulmonologist at Lenox Hill Hospital in New York City. “There’s nothing wrong with circulating air.” [7 Common Summer Health Concerns]
Indeed, sleep is very important, and you don’t want to be sweating all night, Horovitz told Live Science.
But anything that causes rapid air movement, including a fan, can evaporate moisture from your mouth and nasal passages, drying them out, he said. Fans may also circulate dust, which could bother people, particularly if they have allergies.
If you do sleep with a fan on, Horovitz said it’s a good idea to keep it at a safe distance from your bed and not have it blowing right on you. To guard against dust and other allergens, Horovitz recommended keeping an air filter in the bedroom. He also recommended performing daily sinus irrigation with saline, which can help with dry nasal passages, congestion and other nasal problems.
Cold air can also cause muscle contractions, and so exposure to this air at night may lead to a stiff neck in the morning. But Horovitz said this is more of a problem with air conditioning that’s left on at night than it is with fans. If you do sleep with air conditioning on at night, Horovitz said the air shouldn’t be blowing directly on you and the setting shouldn’t be lower than 68 degrees Fahrenheit (20 degrees Celsius).
The sound of neighbours laughing late into the night, music playing from across the hall, a buzzing phone on the bedside table, a television left on—there are an array of everyday noises that can cause trouble sleeping. Perfect silence isn’t always necessary, or even desirable, for your best night’s sleep. In fact, some sounds at night can enhance sleep, while others – like a child crying or a smoke alarm – are important to wake up to.
When it comes to noise and sleep, the goal is to protect against unwanted and disruptive sounds, the intrusive noise that interferes with sleep’s regular routine. B y taking time to ensure that your sleeping environment is optimised for sleep, you’re already on your way to protecting and improving your nightly rest. For a comprehensive guide to improving your sleep, download “ Unlocking the Pillars of Health ” eBook.
Waking from noise
Noise tends to be most disruptive in the light stages of sleep, which occur at the beginning of the night and in recurring periods throughout the night. It’s also possible for noises to rouse you from deep sleep and REM sleep. To get a full night’s sleep, it is important to protect your sleep environment against unwanted noise for the duration of your night’s rest.
Noise at night can prevent you from falling asleep initially, and sounds during the night can cause trouble sleeping.
Even noises that don’t wake you can have a detrimental effect on sleep quality. The sleeping brain continues to register and process sound. Noises can create restlessness in sleep even if they don’t wake you fully, and these interruptions affect sleep quality and the movement from lighter to deeper stages of sleep.
The brain’s response to Noise
Individual responses to noise can vary significantly.
Brains that generate higher concentrations of sleep spindles—bursts of high-frequency brain waves—have demonstrated greater resistance to noise during sleep. Sleep spindles first occur during Stage 2 sleep, a phase of light sleep that composes nearly half of a typical night’s rest. 1
Sleep amid ordinary sounds
Familiar sounds tend to be less disruptive to sleep than new or unusual sounds. The sounds that occur regularly in our daily lives are ones that we give little attention, and don’t create bother. 2
People in cities fall to sleep with sounds of traffic every night—the same sounds that would likely keep rural dwellers wide awake. The absence of these sounds can make sleep harder.
Reactions to sounds during sleep can be influenced by meaning and significance. Sounds indicating possible danger—even very quiet sounds, like the opening of a door—often will easily wake a sleeping person. Hearing their children cry usually causes parents to wake almost instantly. These responses to noise are highly individual, and a sign of how deeply engaged the brain remains to external stimuli during sleep.
How to sleep in quiet
As with all aspects of sleep, protecting against noise gets easier with a little bit of planning. If sound interferes with your sleep at night, there are adjustments you can make to reduce and regulate noise in your bedroom:
- Carpets and floor coverings, along with curtains on the windows can help muffle noise from outside, and from other areas of the house.
- Keeping windows closed also will limit noise from outside. Be sure to turn off all electronics before you turn in for the night.
- White noise can help to block variable noises and provides constant, soothing sounds that can help you fall asleep and stay asleep throughout the night. White noise machines are designed for this purpose. Radio static, a running fan or an air conditioner can also provide this kind of mixed-frequency, pattern-less noise.
- Some people prefer familiar sounds, often from nature, such as breaking waves, crickets softly chirping, or wind rustling through leaves. Sound machines, CDs, and smartphone apps can provide these types of relaxing sound patterns to accompany you to sleep.
- When you can’t completely control the sounds around you, earplugs can help. Earplugs are comfortable and affordable way to limit noise disruption. When selecting earplugs, make sure they’re soft and flexible. Earplugs are rated at decibel levels. Be sure to select earplugs that rated at no higher than 32 decibels. These will block noise but still allow you to hear sounds that are important, such as a child crying, or your morning alarm.
Watch for noisy mornings
Don’t forget to consider sounds of the early morning, especially if you’re having trouble sleeping past a certain time. A newspaper delivery, early traffic, neighbour’s dog can disrupt sleep and shorten overall sleep time. In addition to making sure your sleep environment is quiet at bedtime, it also helps to protect against the intrusion of these early-morning noises.
Noise can undermine sleep, but it doesn’t have to. Being aware of the noise-related disruptions to your sleep environment—and taking simple steps to reduce unwanted noise—will make your nightly rest more peaceful and rewarding.
Being aware of the effects of noise on your sleeping brain can help you deal with having trouble sleeping. For a comprehensive guide to improving your sleep, download “Unlocking the Pillars of Health” eBook. By taking time to ensure that your sleeping environment is optimised for sleep, you’re already on your way to protecting and improving your nightly rest.
Expert advice on how to sidestep pitfalls that often accompany depression.
When Orion Lyonesse is getting depressed, she turns into a hermit. She doesn’t want to leave the house (not even to pick up the mail), and she cuts off contact with her friends and family.
“The more I’m alone, the deeper the depression gets,” Lyonesse, an artist and writer in Lake Stevens, Wash., tells WebMD in an email. “I don’t even want to cuddle my cats!”
Avoiding social contact is a common pattern you might notice when falling into depression. Some people skip activities they normally enjoy and isolate themselves from the world. Others turn to alcohol or junk food to mask their pain and unhappiness.
Depression traps vary from person to person, but what they have in common is that they can serve to worsen your mood, perpetuating a vicious cycle. Here are six behavioral pitfalls that often accompany depression — and how you can steer clear of them as you and your doctor and therapist work on getting back on track.
Trap #1: Social Withdrawal
Social withdrawal is the most common telltale sign of depression.
“When we’re clinically depressed, there’s a very strong urge to pull away from others and to shut down,” says Stephen Ilardi, PhD, author of books including The Depression Cure and associate professor of psychology at the University of Kansas. “It turns out to be the exact opposite of what we need.”
“In depression, social isolation typically serves to worsen the illness and how we feel,” Ilardi says. “Social withdrawal amplifies the brain’s stress response. Social contact helps put the brakes on it.”
The Fix: Gradually counteract social withdrawal by reaching out to your friends and family. Make a list of the people in your life you want to reconnect with and start by scheduling an activity.
Trap #2: Rumination
A major component of depression is rumination, which involves dwelling and brooding about themes like loss and failure that cause you to feel worse about yourself.
Rumination is a toxic process that leads to negative self-talk such as, “It’s my own fault. Who would ever want me a friend?”
“There’s a saying, ‘When you’re in your own mind, you’re in enemy territory,'” says Mark Goulston, MD, psychiatrist and author of Get Out of Your Own Way. “You leave yourself open to those thoughts and the danger is believing them.”
Rumination can also cause you to interpret neutral events in a negative fashion. For example, when you’re buying groceries, you may notice that the checkout person smiles at the person in front of you but doesn’t smile at you, so you perceive it as a slight.
“When people are clinically depressed, they will typically spend a lot of time and energy rehearsing negative thoughts, often for long stretches of time,” Ilardi says.
The Fix: Redirect your attention to a more absorbing activity, like a social engagement or reading a book.
Trap #3: Self-Medicating With Alcohol
Turning to alcohol or drugs to escape your woes is a pattern that can accompany depression, and it usually causes your depression to get worse.
Alcohol can sometimes relieve a little anxiety, especially social anxiety, but it has a depressing effect on the central nervous system, Goulston says. Plus, it can screw up your sleep.
“It’s like a lot of things that we do to cope with feeling bad,” he says. “They often make us feel better momentary, but in the long run, they hurt us.”
The Fix: Talk to your doctor or therapist if you notice that your drinking habits are making you feel worse. Alcohol can interfere with antidepressants and anxiety medications.
Trap #4: Skipping Exercise
If you’re the type of person who likes to go the gym regularly, dropping a series of workouts could signal that something’s amiss in your life. The same goes for passing on activities — such as swimming, yoga, or ballroom dancing — that you once enjoyed.
When you’re depressed, it’s unlikely that you’ll keep up with a regular exercise program, even though that may be just what the doctor ordered.
Exercise can be enormously therapeutic and beneficial, Ilardi says. Exercise has a powerful antidepressant effect because it boosts levels of serotonin and dopamine, two brain chemicals that often ebb when you’re depressed.
“It’s a paradoxical situation,” Ilardi says. “Your body is capable of physical activity. The problem is your brain is not capable of initiating and getting you to do it.”
The Fix: Ilardi recommends finding someone you can trust to help you initiate exercise — a personal trainer, coach, or even a loved one. “It has to be someone who gets it, who is not going to nag you, but actually give you that prompting and encouragement and accountability,” Ilardi says.
Trap #5: Seeking Sugar Highs
When you’re feeling down, you may find yourself craving sweets or junk food high in carbs and sugar.
Sugar does have mild mood-elevating properties, says Ilardi, but it’s only temporary. Within two hours, blood glucose levels crash, which has a mood-depressing effect.
The Fix: Avoid sugar highs and the inevitable post-sugar crash. It’s always wise to eat healthfully, but now more than ever, your mood can’t afford to take the hit.
Trap #6: Negative Thinking
When you’re depressed, you’re prone to negative thinking and talking yourself out of trying new things.
You might say to yourself, “Well, even if I did A, B, and C, it probably wouldn’t make me feel any better and it would be a real hassle, so why bother trying at all?”
“That’s a huge trap,” says Goulston. “If you race ahead and anticipate a negative result, which then causes you to stop trying at all, that is something that will rapidly accelerate your depression and deepen it.”
The Fix: Don’t get too attached to grim expectations. “You have more control over doing and not doing, than you have over what the result of actions will be,” Goulston says. “But there is a much greater chance that if you do, then those results will be positive.”
Orion Lyonesse, artist and writer, Lake Stevens, Wash.
Stephen Ilardi, PhD, author, The Depression Cure; associate professor, department of psychology, University of Kansas.
Mark Goulston, MD, psychiatrist; author, Get Out of Your Own Way and Just Listen: Discover the Secret of Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone.В
Tanaka, E. Clinical Toxicology, 2002; vol 40: pp 69-75.
Solution focused hypnotherapy, counselling, NLP & EFT helping you with positivity, self-esteem and confidence
Are you depressed? How do we know the difference between an ‘off’ day or days, or if it’s something more?
Find out more about Hypnotherapy for anxiety here. I am also currently offering a free initial consultation you can book here.
Well, everyone feels low sometimes. We’d be pretty strange if we didn’t respond emotionally to life’s situations. However, if your low feelings simply won’t go away, and you start to notice other changes in your behaviour, patterns or emotions, it could be that you are experiencing mild to moderate depression. And if you are, don’t worry, it can be helped in a natural way to help you to cope and then to start to feel better.
Depression is divided into three levels – mild, moderate, and severe. The levels are measured by the impact that the depression has on daily life: some impact, significant impact, or in severe cases, the impact is so great that everyday life has become practically impossible. The signs I’m talking about here are potential indicators of the first two levels.
I want to make it clear at the start that even though these changes may be unusual for you, they’re not unusual in themselves. If you recognise any of the signs as changes you are experiencing yourself, or you’ve spotted them in a friend or family member, please remember that with help, you can overcome all these.
The list is not exhaustive; however here are some of the main signs to look out for.
1. You’re Not As Interested In Things You Used To Enjoy
Cast your mind back to that feeling as a child, when you really couldn’t be bothered going to swimming lessons, or brownies, or scouts, or whatever it was. When you got there, you always remembered that actually, it was fun, and you simply hadn’t wanted to go because you felt a bit tired.
Imagine feeling like that as an adult, a lot of the time, about a lot of things. Except that now, you don’t bother going. Things that you usually enjoy just feel like too much effort. At times when you can’t even raise the enthusiasm to watch a TV programme, hobbies such as sports are way too much. The really unfair thing about this symptom is that hobbies are really beneficial for mental health, giving a sense of achievement, lots of endorphins, and the social aspect of like-minded company.
Losing interest in things you used to enjoy can also include sex, food, socialising, and looking after yourself (painting your nails, shaving, pampering). Lacking in energy is a common sign of depression, and this is one of the ways it clearly manifests itself.
2. You’re Isolating Yourself More Than Usual
We all have days when we really don’t feel like being the life and soul of the party, or we feel like we can’t be bothered going out – but when those days stretch into weeks, or even months, and we’re still making excuses not to see people, it could be that it’s deliberate isolation.
Why do people choose to separate themselves from their friends and family at a time when their support could be invaluable? There are various reasons. Being happy feels fake – and it’s exhausting to keep up a show, especially if you’re already feeling fatigued. Your patience is perhaps thinner than usual so you may find the idea of sociable chat highly irritating, or, it may be too anxiety provoking so you don’t bother and prefer to isolate yourself instead.
However, we always feel better when we make that effort to socialise, because we are hard wired as part of our evolution to feel safer when we ‘belong’ to something bigger than ourselves, e.g our ‘tribe’ in evolutionary terms. This is why we feel better when we make the effort to practice interacting and engaging with others.
3. You’re Feeling Anxious, Scared, Or Worried Frequently
Depression and anxiety are different things. However, people with depression often have similar symptoms to those with anxiety disorders. You’re fearing that the worst will happen, or thinking negatively about the future which naturally creates anxiety and worry. It’s so hard, carrying these feelings around with you all the time. Constantly imagining the worst-case-scenario is exhausting, and leaves you unable to relax and switch off.
Remember to always practice self-compassion; be kind and encouraging to yourself like you would be to a friend. Talk to people you trust; or talk to a professional counsellor or psychotherapist. It’s true that a problem shared, (or feelings and worries shared), really helps put things into perspective.
4. Negative Thinking And Self-Criticism
When we feel in a low mood it stems from our thoughts and we can be our own worst critic. I hear healthy, clever, successful people describe themselves as failures – and they have this negative belief because they really can’t see the truth whilst they are in this negative state. They sometimes think that everybody else is having a wonderful life, and compare themselves negatively. They are seeing a distorted view of the truth.
The good news is that the brain can be ‘re-wired’ to think more positively, and negative thinking doesn’t need to be the only way.
5. Your Sleep Patterns Have Changed
It could be that you’re not sleeping well, not able to get to sleep easily, waking up frequently in the middle of the night, or waking up too early in the morning. Another change in sleeping patterns is wanting to sleep more – partly due to avoidance, partly because you simply feel so exhausted. The first sign that something is really bothering you is when your sleep patterns are different.
6. You’re Turning To Food Or Drink For Comfort
Comfort eating is an understandable response – after all, food releases endorphins because we need to eat to survive. However, with comfort eating we usually reach for the unhealthier choices of food, and in larger volumes than dictated by hunger. This of course leads to weight gain, which can make us feel worse, and a whole vicious circle begins. Alcohol, likewise – it’s all too easy for the glass of wine to turn into the empty bottle of wine as you try to self-medicate or escape these feelings… and as with food, you end up in a far worse situation, except this is far more dangerous for your health and wellbeing longer term.
Conversely, you may have lost your appetite, and no longer enjoy food you used to. Again, this could be an indication that everything isn’t as it should be.
I work with clients who have one or more of these symptoms of depression – and the good news is that solution-focused hypnotherapy can help as a natural way to start to cope with these feelings, and to start to feel better.
If you are interested in managing your feelings of mild to moderate depression, or anxiety with a combination of psychotherapy, NLP, hypnotherapy and EFT then please contact me for a friendly, confidential chat and further details.
Hypnotherapy is a safe, calming, relaxing experience. I will work with you to help you move forwards into the positive future that you deserve, and to start enjoying life again.
I’m Debbie Daltrey, founder of Great Minds Clinic. I work from clinics at home in Timperley, Altrincham and from offices at the Milton Rooms, Deansgate in Manchester City Centre.
Not everyone has practice living with other people. If you’ve ever been caught up in a passive-aggressive conflict – be it at home with a roommate or the workplace with a coworker – you know that one small exchange can ruin your mood for the day. That’s why we recommend a proactive approach when it comes to sharing space! You can’t control anyone else’s actions, but you can rise above pettiness and inspire people with positive behavior.
Here are our top 7 simple practices for building healthy relationships with the people you live with.
1. Communicate your needs to your roommate
As you’re getting to know your new roommate, help them learn who you are and what you need in your home life. If you go to bed early, let them know and ask them to keep the television and music down after your bedtime. Let them know before it becomes a problem, and remind them gently if they forget.
This has to work both ways—if they like to sleep in, let them. If you like to listen to music while you make breakfast, use your headphones. Don’t stomp around the house and slam doors in a rush to start your day. It’s just as rude to be loud early in the morning as it is late in the evening.
2. Establish your boundaries and respect theirs
If you enjoy board games or video games, you might prefer to keep them in the common room. Let your roommate know if you don’t mind sharing or if you prefer they ask first. These things can cost a lot of money, and you might not want them to be damaged. At the same time, it’s impolite to dominate the living area at all hours with your hobbies. Try to schedule times on shared resources like the TV or dinner table, don’t overstay your welcome, and when possible set aside time for roommate games.
The same goes for your favorite snacks and drinks. Maybe you don’t mind sharing – but if you’d rather not share, you don’t have to. Even when it’s a tough conversation, try to be open, honest, and upfront about your preferences.
3. Ask your roommate for permission instead of forgiveness
If you’re making a choice that could have a big impact on your roommate – like inviting friends over or making a huge meal – ask first . It’s really pretty simple! Not everyone is comfortable with strangers in their homes, and conflicting plans for shared resources can be uncomfortable for you and your housemates alike.
4. Be mindful of the space you take up
Leaving your clothes in the washer or dryer, leaving your dishes in the sink, and taking over the fridge with your food just isn’t considerate. You might think you’ll get to it soon, but you need to schedule time into your day to clean up as you go. If you find your roommate being short with you, look at the space you’re taking up. It’s hard to work around someone else’s mess. You should organize a system, so everyone knows which space is shared and which is theirs alone. If you have too much stuff, figure out how to organize it into your room or get rid of things, so you’re staying respectful of other people’s space needs.
5. Don’t force a relationship
It’s nice to say hi and chat about people’s day, but you won’t always be friends with your roommate. Some people require a lot more quiet time than others. If you’re in the mood to chat, there are other places to make friends in a new city. Find events going around in the area that interest you, and you’re likely to find people you have more in common with. It’s nice to invite your roommate along with you, but don’t pressure them into something they aren’t in the mood for. Living with Common means you can use our community areas to host events or easily contact other members through our app. There are plenty of friendly people new to the city that would love to hang out.
6. Don’t say yes when you mean no
You may want to be friendly when your roomie asks you for a favor or invites you to do something – but it’s just as important to be honest. It’s one thing to try something you’re nervous about, but it’s something else to say yes when you want to say no. If you’re not sure about something, tell them before you commit! In many housemate situations, ignoring your own needs has a way of turning into resentment. It’s not your roommate’s fault that you say yes to something – but it may start to feel like that if you aren’t open with your feelings.
7. Empathize (seriously!) with your roommate
We’re all a little sensitive about our living space, and it’s very easy to misunderstand your housemates’ intentions. So if someone is doing something that bothers you, don’t jump to conclusions. They probably mean no harm! People don’t always realize the consequences of their actions, and will likely stop something that’s bothering you if you let them know. Be kind with your words, but be clear. Saying, “This table is special to me, can we use a coaster?” is a clear way to communicate something without making someone feel defensive. Focus on your feelings, not on the other person’s actions. The point of communication is to foster understanding about yourself, not someone else. The more someone understands you, the more they can frame their actions with respect. Start good communication habits early and always act with empathy.
Bothered by unpleasant feelings in your legs at night? Learn about the symptoms, self-help, and treatment of restless legs syndrome.
What is restless legs syndrome (RLS)?
Do strange and unpleasant sensations in your legs keep you up at night? Are you bothered by an almost irresistible urge to move your legs when you lie down or relax? If so, you may have restless legs syndrome (RLS), a neurological disorder. The tingling, aching, and itching of RLS can last for hours and prevent you from getting the sleep you need.
Anyone can have restless legs syndrome, but it’s more common in older adults and women. Mild symptoms of RLS may start in early adulthood and then increase with age. After age 50, RLS symptoms often increase in severity and significantly disrupt sleep. Restless legs syndrome is also common during pregnancy (approximately 40% of pregnant women experience it).
Experts believe that low levels of iron in the brain may be responsible for RLS. An imbalance of dopamine is also believed to contribute. About 60% of people with restless legs have a family member with the condition, indicating a strong genetic component. Whatever the cause of your restless legs syndrome, though, it’s important to know that help is available. In recent years, experts have discovered better ways to manage and relieve symptoms—including simple lifestyle changes and self-help remedies you can practice at home to quiet your restless legs and enjoy a peaceful, refreshing sleep.
Restless legs syndrome: Seeking help
Studies estimate that one out of 10 people suffer from restless legs, yet it’s not always easy to find help and support. Many people with RLS never receive proper treatment. Part of the problem is that it’s hard to explain and sufferers are often dismissed as being “nervous.” Those who haven’t experienced the distressing symptoms may not understand how severely they can impact the quality of your life. Even doctors may not take restless legs seriously, recognize the symptoms, or realize that they point to a real medical condition.
The good news is that recent research has increased our understanding of restless legs syndrome, leading to more effective treatments. At the same time, RLS is becoming more widely recognized. If you or your partner suffers from restless legs, there’s never been a better time to find relief.
A night in the life of RLS
If you have restless legs syndrome, a typical night might go like this: You lie down in bed, ready to go to sleep, and just as your body begins to relax, the crawling, tingling, or itching in your legs begin. You try to ignore the uncomfortable sensations, hoping they will go away, but eventually the urge to move is too much. You get out of bed to stretch and pace the floor and, for a moment, you find relief. But when you lie down again, the restless sensations in your legs start all over again.
Signs and symptoms of restless legs syndrome
Not only do the signs and symptoms of restless legs syndrome differ from person to person, but they can be tricky to describe. Common descriptions include: a “creepy-crawly” feeling, tingling, itching, prickling, burning, pulling, tugging, and aching. Some people have said it feels like bugs are crawling up their legs, a fizzy soda is bubbling through their veins, or they have a “deep bone itch.” Sometimes the symptoms are painful, but usually they are simply uncomfortable and disturbing.
Common signs and symptoms of RLS
Leg discomfort combined with strong urge to move. Uncomfortable sensations deep within the legs, accompanied by a strong, often irresistible urge to move them.
Rest triggers the symptoms. The uncomfortable leg sensations start or become worse when you’re sitting, lying down, or trying to relax.
Symptoms get worse at night. RLS typically flares up at night. In more severe cases, the symptoms may begin earlier in the day, but they become much more intense at bedtime.
Symptoms improve when you walk or move your legs. The relief continues as long as you keep moving.
Leg twitching or kicking while sleeping. Many people with RLS also have periodic limb movement disorder (PLMD), which involves repetitive cramping or jerking of the legs during sleep.
The symptoms of RLS can range from mildly annoying to severely disabling. You may experience the symptoms only once in a while, such as times of high stress, or they may plague you every night. In severe cases of RLS, you may experience symptoms in your arms as well as your legs.
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Your questions answered
Need answers? Some questions come up again and again so we’ve made a list. You should find all the information you want here, but if there’s anything else, please get in touch.
How large is a Z bedroom and what is included?
They are small but perfectly formed, luxury rooms (they are works of genius; you’ll wonder why you’ve ever bothered spending more on space before). The smallest bedrooms start from 8m 2 (85ft 2 ). Our typical bedrooms are 10-12m 2 (110-130ft 2 ). That’s around half the size of a traditional bedroom.
What will I find in the room?
A bespoke hand-crafted bed (see naturalmat.co.uk). In-room entertainment (Samsung HDTVs with Sky & BT Sports). An en-suite shower room with complimentary toiletries. Storage under the bed and hanging space. Individual controlled air-conditioning. Free wifi, of course.
What won’t I find?
No phones. No minibars. No safes. (For any valuables, ask reception if they are able to store safely for you). See? Everything and all you need, right where you need it.
What if I want to stay longer than one or two nights? Does Z have larger bedrooms to suit?
Absolutely. Z Hotels at Gloucester Place offers a Z King and Z Junior Suite with 20-30sq/m (210-320sq/ft). Both have wardrobes. And the Junior Suite has a seating area. Enough space to put your feet up and make yourself at home.
Do any Z rooms have twin beds?
No twin bedrooms, doubles only.
We’re travelling with young children. Is there a Z room big enough for us?
Yes there is. Z Shoreditch and Z City have new family rooms for four with queen or double bunk beds. There are separate stairs to the top tier. And each level gets its own HD SmartTV with games, apps, internet, Sky and BT Sports .
What if I need a cot or rollaway bed?
We do have a limited number. Just call us before you book and we’ll see if we can get hold of one for you.
Is every bedroom a room with a view?
You can admire the city from the majority of Z rooms. But we have some windowless rooms called Z Inside (for example Z Inside Double and Z Inside Queen). They have everything that a standard Z room has, just without the window. And they come at a lower rate to reflect this.
Do you have rooms in the lower ground floor of Z hotels?
Yes. With the exception of Liverpool, Glasgow and Soho. And all with the same high standards and features you’d expect from Z Hotels.
I’ve read that there’s little privacy between the bedroom and the en-suite shower room. Is that correct?
A frosted glass partition between the bedroom and shower room gives you an element of privacy.
Do you allow smoking in the rooms?
No. Rooms and floors are non-smoking, non-vaping and non-e cigs, too. That way, we keep the air fresh for everyone.
Can I open the window in my room?
We do have hotels with bedrooms where the window does not open at all, and some hotels where the window opens slightly, all in accordance with health and safety guidelines for each city or landmark. For more information please contact the hotel directly. Need to cool off? All rooms come with individually controlled air conditioning.
Do you have any interconnecting rooms?
No, we don’t. But if you’re travelling with friends and would like to be neighbours, then just ask. If we have availability, we can put you near each other.
Can I book a Z room cheaper on another site?
Never. We like equality in our pricing. You get like-for-like bedroom prices in all our hotels. And they’re the same price on hotel booking sites, too.
Do your room prices vary through the year?
Yes, depending on demand and season. You’ll get the cheapest rates the more in advance you book. The early bird gets the Z worm, so to speak.
Can I eat at Z hotels?
If it’s breakfast or a light bite you’re after, each Z hotel has a café that offers guests continental breakfast. And if you get peckish, salads and paninis are available throughout the day.
However, if you want to spoil yourselves, book a Z Club room at Gloucester Place and drinks, snacks, afternoon tea and cocktails will all be included in the price.
Guests at Z City get direct access to the Zest café next door. It opens at 6.30am for breakfast and boasts scrambled egg dishes from around the world (pre-purchase at the same time as booking). Right up until 11.30pm, you can order specialities such as lobster brioche and seasonal hot dishes such as Thai green chicken curry.
Is there lots to see and do near Z hotels?
Absolutely. For Z hotels, brilliant locations are part of our DNA. They’re all in prime spots, bang in the middle of lively city neighbourhoods with an exciting choice of bars, restaurants and entertainment on the doorstep.
Any more Z Hotels in the pipeline?
Yes, exciting times ahead. We can’t reveal too much about them yet but keep checking our website for details of Z Strand opening soon.
Do you have accessible rooms and wheelchair access?
All Z Hotels have accessible (DDA compliant) rooms and wheelchair access, except for Z Gloucester Place. Due to it having listed building status, it wasn’t possible to adapt the hotel to include wheelchair access.
What time is check-in and check-out?
Check-in at 3pm. Check-out at 11am. If you need a late checkout, just ask. Depending on availability that day, we’ll try and accommodate you for an extra cost.
What is Z Membership?
It’s a thank you for being our loyal guest. If you’re a returning guest, you can open a member’s account that rewards you with a 7.5% discount on bookings. Ask hotel staff about Z Membership. Forgotten your username or password? Contact us
Do you have a concierge service?
You’ll find our receptions open 24 hours so there’s always someone there to help.
Can I book a meeting room in the hotel?
We don’t have private meeting rooms in Z Hotels (we thought we’d give you more great bedrooms instead). But you can use the Z Café for a more informal meeting. It’s open 24 hours.
Can I bring my pet to a Z Hotel?
Sorry, we only allow assistance dogs. But we have wifi – you can Skype if you’re missing them!
Dwelling on something unpleasant will drag you down and keep you stuck. Use this strategy to get some relief.
There’s a strong connection between the way you think and the way you feel. And it goes both ways. The way you think affects your emotional state and your emotional state affects the way you think.
When you’re feeling sad, for example, you look at the world through a gloomy lens. You’re more likely to dwell on the negative, engage in harsh self-criticism, and predict things are going to end poorly.
On the flipside, your thoughts also influence how you feel. When you begin thinking about something gloomy–like someone you miss or that person who treated you poorly, you’ll start to feel sad.
The more you think about sad things, the worse you feel. And as your mood plummets, the more likely you are to think about sad things. It’s a cycle that can be hard to break.
You have to get proactive about changing the channel in your brain so you don’t get stuck in a dark place.
1. Differentiate between ruminating and problem-solving.
Feeling down or thinking about unpleasant things isn’t always bad. Sometimes, it’s part of the healing process. And sometimes, you can turn those thoughts and feelings into something more productive.
But it’s important to differentiate between ruminating and problem-solving.
If you’re behind on your bills, thinking about how to get caught up can be helpful. But imagining yourself homeless or thinking about how unfair it is that you got behind isn’t productive.
So ask yourself, “Am I ruminating or problem-solving?”
If you’re dwelling on the problem, you’re ruminating. If you’re actively looking for solutions, you’re problem-solving.
Problem-solving can help you move forward. But ruminating will hold you back. If you’re ruminating, you need to change the channel.
2. Change the channel in your brain.
Telling yourself, “Don’t think about that,” isn’t likely to be effective. Your brain will revert back to those unpleasant thoughts in about two seconds.
You have to be proactive about changing the channel in your brain (sort of like you’d change the channel on your TV).
The best way to do that is to get involved in an activity that distracts you. Find something that requires some serious mental energy for at least a few minutes.
Here are some examples of how you might change the channel in your brain:
- Call a friend and talk about a completely different subject
- Challenge yourself to rearrange your bookcase in 10 minutes
- Sit down and plan your next vacation
- Spend a few minutes clearing clutter in a particular room
- Turn on some music and dance
- Work out vigorously (a slow stroll will give you more time to think but a fast-paced workout requires concentration)
- Engage in a hobby
The key is to find something that works for you. You may need to experiment with a few different strategies until you find the activity that best helps you change the channel in your brain.
3. Seek help when necessary.
Certain mental health problems, like depression and anxiety, increase the chances that you’ll think about unpleasant things. The inverse is also true–thinking about unpleasant things increases the chances you’ll develop a mental health issue.
If you’re having a difficult time getting troubling images out of your head, or you find yourself always dwelling on the negative, seek professional help. Talking to a therapist could help you think and feel differently.
The pros know all of the trade secrets—so we spoke with a few to help you paint every wall like a champ.
Professional painters know that time is money, so they routinely use trade secrets to help them figure out how to paint a room faster, smarter, and neater without sacrificing quality or making costly mistakes. We contacted several pro painters and asked them to share their favorite painting tips and techniques with us. Read on for their top 20 pro painting secrets.
🔨 You love badass DIY projects. So do we. Let’s build something cool together.
More From Popular Mechanics:
To apply a perfectly smooth coat of paint to walls, ceilings, and woodwork, you must start with a perfectly smooth surface. One pro told us that “sander,” would be a more fitting job title for him than “painter,” since he spends so much time pushing sandpaper.
Sanding with the appropriate abrasive paper helps level out spackling compound and drywall joint compound patches, flattens ridges around nail holes, and feathers out repairs to inconspicuously blend into the surrounding surface. Sanding also removes burrs and rough spots in painted wood trim, such as baseboard moldings and window and door casings. And roughing up a glossy painted surface with fine-grit sandpaper allows the new paint coat to adhere more easily.
Use a sanding pole fitted with 220-grit sandpaper to sand the walls vertically from the baseboard up to the ceiling. Be sure to overlap each stroke slightly to keep from missing any spots. Then, sand horizontally along the top of the baseboard molding and along the tops of the walls at the ceiling. Don’t apply too much pressure on the sanding pole or its swiveling head might flip over and damage the wall. Plus, sandpaper tends to load up (clog) when you press down too hard.
To sand decorative woodwork, try using a sanding sponge, which gets into crevices and easily conforms to contours.
Painter’s tape is an indispensable part of every paint job, especially when masking off wood trim. But nothing is more discouraging than peeling off the tape only to discover that paint has bled through the tape and gotten all over the trim. To avoid the pain-in-the-neck chore of scraping off the errant paint, do a thorough job of adhering the tape to the trim before you start painting.
Apply the tape to the wood trim, then run a putty knife over the tape to firmly press it down for a good seal. That’ll stop any paint bleeds. And be sure to use true painter’s tape, not masking tape. Masking tape leaves behind a sticky residue that’s hard to clean off. Plus, paint can cause masking tape to buckle and wrinkle, which lets paint seep beneath it. Painter’s tape can be left on for days (some types up to two weeks) and still peel off cleanly.
H uman aggression doesn’t have much going for it. Every war, bar brawl or playground smackdown ever fought has resulted from our habit of lashing out first and talking it through only later. But if aggression has one virtue, it’s that it’s unambiguous. It’s hard to misunderstand the meaning of a missile launch or a punch in the nose.
But passive-aggression — regular aggression’s sneaky little cousin? That’s a whole other thing. Passive-aggression is there but it’s not, you see it and you don’t. It’s aggression as steam — hard to frame, impossible grasp. You see it in the competitive colleague who would never confront you directly but accidentally leaves your name off an email about an important meeting. It’s the spouse who’s usually punctual but takes forever to get out of the house when it’s your turn to choose the movie. Sometimes there’s an innocent explanation, but often there’s not — and the passive-aggressors themselves might not even know which is which.
Either way, passive-aggression is more than just the nettlesome habit of a few maddeningly indirect people. Clinicians differ on whether it qualifies as a full-blown personality disorder like, say, narcissism or paranoia, but they agree on the symptoms: deliberate inefficiency, an avoidance of responsibility, a refusal to state needs or concerns directly.
Passive-aggressiveness comes in varying degrees, which can make it tricky to know if you work, live or socialize with a passive-aggressor — or if you’re one yourself. The behavior is practically defined by its plausible deniability. So we’ve compiled seven of the most commonly reported ways passive-aggressive character traits can show up in your life:
Leaving things undone. Passive-aggressors are champions of the almost complete job: the room that’s painted except for the molding; the laundry that’s washed but doesn’t get folded; the dishwasher that’s loaded except for the utensils, because really, who needs clean utensils when we can always spear our food with sharpened sticks or the fondue forks we’ve had in the back of the closet since 1997! (Not that I’ve ever experienced this at home.) It’s a nifty strategy, signaling resentment at having to do the job and leaving just little enough undone that you’d feel picky criticizing it and will ultimately decide just to do it yourself for, like, the twelve billionth time. (Not that I’ve ever experienced that either.)
Running late. If you’re a passive-aggressor you live in an Einsteinian universe of eternally elastic time, where a few minutes can turn into a few hours. Actually, all of us live there — which is why we have watches. To passive-aggressors, a watch is a bother. If they don’t want to go to a dinner party but feel obligated to be there? No worries. They’ll just accept the invitation and then — oopsies! — only vaguely remember the time it starts so they don’t show up till the middle of the soup course. The same is true when they resent having to attend a meeting so they wander in 20 minutes late with a mystified expression that says you’re all here already? The behavior is occasionally deliberate, more commonly unconscious — and always infuriatingly effective.
The non-compliment. Compliments are easy. Compliments can even be fun. Here are some nice compliments: “Great haircut!” or “Terrific soup!” Here are some less nice compliments: “Great haircut — I used to get the same one in college,” or “Terrific soup — I didn’t even taste all that cilantro.” It’s no secret which kind of compliment the passive-aggressor goes for — usually out of competitiveness. If you’re not sure which kind of compliment you’ve gotten, pay attention to your own responses: If you feel like saying “thank you,” you’ve probably gotten a good one. If you feel like running screaming from the room, not so much.
Silence. Shhh… Hear that? No? Exactly. That’s the sound of a passive-aggressive person who’s cheesed off about something. If you were upset with something a friend or family member did, you might say — and we’re just spitballing ideas here — “I’m upset with something you did.” A passive-aggressive person would instead say: [insert your favorite cricket sounds here]. Silence is always a go-to strategy for passive-aggressors and it’s not hard to see why. It says nothing at all and yet says volumes. It ostensibly avoids a conflict but in fact provokes one—with the very lack of communication serving as a taunt and a goad. It’s thus passive, and yet, um, aggressive. Hey! We might be onto something.
Wistful wishing. You know what I wish? I wish passive-aggressive people wouldn’t dreamily announce something they want and then immediately conclude — always out loud — that it’s probably not going to happen. But I guess that’s too much to ask. See what I did there? Annoying, right? I could have said, “Hey! Passive-aggressive people! Knock off that out-loud wishing.” But instead I came at it sideways. If that sounds like things you’ve heard in your life — “It would be great if you could get the project done by Wednesday, but I guess it’ll have to wait till Friday” — it’s a pretty safe bet there are passive-aggressors in your circle. The objective, of course, is to get an idea out there, then immediately disown it — thus putting the burden of getting it done or not done on you.
Sabotage. It’s not hard to tell the bad guy in a movie. He’s the one who’s always tampering with the brakes in the hero’s car or sneaking the bad lines of code into a computer. Passive-aggressors might not go that far, but you can see where they get their inspiration. That deadline your colleague forgot to tell you about until it was just a day away? Those work clothes your spouse tossed in with the dry-cleaning the day before you went off on that business trip you’d been arguing about? As with lateness, this is sometimes deliberate but usually not. Either way the point has been made — and yet not made too.
The disguised insult. The social contract under which the rest of us live has a special provision passive-aggressors have added just for themselves. It typically comes in the form of a “but” clause, like, “I don’t want to sound mean, but…” “I hope you don’t think I’m insensitive, but…” “Not to be judgmental, but…” after which they say something mean, insensitive or judgmental — and sometimes all three at once. An uncharacteristically honest variation on this disguised insult is the “You’re going to hate this, but…” which at least has the virtue of being true, because you will inevitably hate it down to your very last strand of DNA. This is as close to pure aggression as the passive-aggressor gets. Feel free to hold up a hand and halt the conversation before any passive-aggressors in your life get past the comma that ends the clause — but don’t be surprised if they drive right through that stop sign.
If you’re a victim of passive-aggression, there are a few basic coping strategies. For starters, remember that you’re not nuts. If you see a pattern it’s probably real. So respond — and know that it’s OK to draw sharp boundaries. The chronically late dinner guest can be invited once more on the proviso that the start time of the evening is honored. After that? It’s Chipotle for you, bub.
And what if you’re the passive aggressor? Well, the knock-it-off suggestion is a good place to start. That’s not always easy, and it can take work and even the help of a good therapist to determine why directness is so hard for you. It’s a lot better than indirectness, however—and it’s a whole lot less work.
As the seasons change and summer approaches, night sweats, or idiopathic hyperhidrosis in medical terms, can become an all too common occurrence. From feeling slightly stuffy to waking up soaked, getting hot and bothered in the night can really interfere with your sleep and leave you feeling groggy and irritable the next day.
So, here at Sleepbear we’ve done some digging on the subject, to help you to stay cool, calm and collected for more successful snoozing.
1. Room Temperature
A National Sleep Foundation study suggests that the ideal temperature for slumber is 18°C. This is because your body regulates its own core temperature as you sleep, keeping it naturally low and gradually increasing as an alert when it’s time to wake up. By keeping the temperature of your bedroom fairly low, you’ll help your body stay in tune with its natural signals. If your room is too hot, it can interfere with the process and cause overheating, and tossing and turning in the night.
To survive an English winter in true hygge style, thick, cosy bedding is an absolute must. However, when the nights suddenly become warmer, this can sneak up and cause seasonal stuffiness. As a general rule of thumb, 4.5 – 9 tog duvets are for spring-summer use, and winter duvets usually fall between 10.5 – 15 togs. This is obviously affected by your central heating preferences, but checking your current tog rating is a good place to start.
Once your duvet is good to go, time to turn your attention to snooze-friendly sheets. The National Sleep Foundation recommend sticking to natural materials such as cotton and bamboo, rather than synthetics which are not as breathable. Also, whilst luxurious, a higher thread count can also trap heat – so aim for 200-400 to keep cool and dry.
So, your duvet and sheets now pass the test, but what about your mattress and pillows? Materials such as memory foam are renowned for retaining heat, and can provide a sweatier sleeping experience. To remain cool, real latex mattresses are cooling and circulate your body heat, helping your body’s natural temperature regulation. Don’t forget breathable pillows, too!
Overheating at night can be a sneaky side effect of many medications, so this could easily have slipped through the net as a possible explanation. From over-the-counter medications like aspirin, to prescribed ones such as anti-depressants, it’s worth taking a look at the full list of side effects of anything you have taken recently or regularly to rule out this possible reason.
Hormonal changes in both men and women caused by conditions such as hyperthyroidism, pheochromocytoma, menopause, andropause or simply the time of the month can wreak havoc on your body’s temperature regulation. Not just limited to night sweats, these can also cause vasomotor symptoms like hot flushes, chills and producing much perspiration. To rule out this as a possibility and discuss possible treatments, it’s best to see your GP and explain your symptoms for some further investigation.
If you’ve ticked off all of the above possibilities and you’re still not sure why you’re a sweaty sleeper, it could be that your body is trying to tell you something’s awry. When your body is trying to fight infection or illness, your temperature increases. Whilst it could be something as harmless as the onset of a common cold, overheating at night can also be an early indicator of more serious conditions such as tuberculosis and osteomyelitis (bone infection). So, if you’ve been feeling peaky, be sure to head to the doctor to rule out these possibilities.
That’s it folks! We hope you found this blog helpful, and if you have any comments, feedback or just fancy a natter – catch us on Twitter at @SleepbearUK! Happy snoozing 💤
My daughter, who lives in California, asked me to explain why it’s bad to have a mirror facing you when you sleep.
She said she just bought a dresser with a mirror which faces the bed. She said she didn’t want the mirror installed because she would have nightmares, but her American husband wanted it included. So she just covered it at night. Her husband thinks it’s mere superstition to believe mirrors in the bedroom are bad.
I only know one reason why it’s considered bad to have a mirror facing the bed. It is connected with the projection of our astral body when asleep, but I found a more detailed discussion of the subject online by a feng shui specialist named Victor Cheung in July 2017. Here’s a summary of his detailed presentation:
1. It depletes personal energy and creates sleeplessness.
This is because “the mirror doubles and bounces all sorts of energy. It disrupts the tranquillity needed in a bedroom for better sleep.” I’m not sure if this is true, but no harm in complying.
2. It brings nightmares.
“When we sleep, our soul (i.e. astral body) leaves the (physical) body. When the soul sees its own reflection, it gets startled, hence the bad dreams and nightmares… When the soul returns to the body, it may mistake the image in the mirror from the real body, hence the saying ‘soul-stealing.’” There is some evidence for the existence of the astral body, and that it travels out of the physical body during sleep.
3. You will be alarmed by movements.
“According to the researchers at Washington University School of Medicine in St. Louis, our eyes detect movement through a neural circuit in the retina at the back of our eyes.
“Our attention is naturally attracted to whatever moves, whether they are in front of your eyes or in the corner of your eyes… So if you have a mirror next to you when you sleep, you will notice any movement from the mirror’s reflection.” This may be true only if there’s light in the room, and if your eyes are slightly open when asleep.
4. You may scare yourself.
“When we suddenly wake up from sleep, we might scare ourselves when we see our own reflection in the mirror.” This is possible.
5. Something green in color might be seen.
“Because most mirrors are not ‘perfect mirrors,’ you may sometimes see a bit of green in the reflection. And this may startle you. Mirrors do not reflect the full spectrum of light.”
6. You may hear strange sounds.
“Mirrors aren’t just for reflecting lights and images, it is also for reflecting sounds… The sound is considered a type of ‘Qi’ in feng shui, and mirrors bounce the sound back into the room as opposed to just absorbing it.” And this may affect the quality of your sleep.
How to remedy these problems:
“Just cover the mirror facing your bed with a cloth, so it doesn’t reflect you and your bed.”
As a last word of advice: Not all react the same way to having mirrors in their bedroom. If you are not bothered at all by a mirror facing your bed, you don’t have to do anything about it. As the saying goes, “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”
Getting a good night’s sleep can be hard enough, but if you’re one of the seven in 10 Americans who share a bed at night, it can be even tougher. Just ask the doctors, researchers and sleep experts who say that sleeping next to someone else can keep you from getting the zzz’s you need.
“You might be bothered by a bed partner’s snoring, excessive movement during the night, excessive generation of body heat [or] crowding the bed,” said Dr. James K. Wyatt, director of Behavioral Sleep Medicine at Rush University Medical Center in Chicago. “There are all sorts of environmental circumstances.”
The Hidden Cost of Sleep Deprivation
From snoring to a late-night Netflix addiction, here are five ways your partner may be keeping you up at night, and how you can find your way back to a restful night’s sleep.
1) Their snoring keeps you up
Research shows that partners of people who snore or have sleep apnea are more likely to wake up during the night, and they’re twice as likely to report fatigue and daytime sleepiness, increased muscular-skeletal pain symptoms and increased marital dissatisfaction, according to Dr. Timothy Morgenthaler, the co-director for the Mayo Clinic’s Center for Sleep Medicine in Rochester, Minnesota. “There’s very ample evidence that their sleep quality is very much affected,” he said.
One strategy is to treat the snorer while the other is to lessen the impact of the snoring. That can include using earplugs or a white noise generator to drown out the sound. Wyatt said it’s important to consider whether the person is a chronic snorer or someone who only snores when they’re on their back. It’s also important to distinguish if the problem occurs when they’ve been drinking alcohol or when they have excessive nasal congestion. “ … Those are pretty easy to modify,” he said. But gasping or pausing during breathing could be signs of sleep apnea and should be looked at by a doctor.
2) Night owls and early birds don’t mix
Blame it on circadian rhythm: Night owls naturally feel sleepy later in the evening, while early birds feel compelled to turn in early and wake up with the sun. Dr. Eric Zhou, a sleep medicine expert at Harvard Medical School, said this can lead to conflict for couples because their only time together is often at the end of the day. ”If somebody physically feels their body’s internal clock is telling them, ‘You should be in bed by 9 p.m’ [but] their partner doesn’t naturally feel sleepy, their partner wants to go to bed with them because they want to be a good husband or wife,” Zhou said. “But they end up spending hours in bed not sleeping because they just physiologically are not there,” which can create frustration.
That’s something doctors agree you want to avoid at all costs — even if it means going to bed and waking up at separate times, which is a must for shift workers and couples on different schedules. Morgenthaler recommended each partner be as quiet as possible during the other person’s sleep, even if it means setting out the next day’s clothes ahead of time to lessen morning disruptions. “Talk about it and do a little bit of planning,” he said.
Arianna Huffington on sleep and avoiding burnout
3) They’re working on their night moves
Whether it’s tossing and turning or periodic limb movement disorder, which the National Institute on Aging says cause people to move their arms or legs every 20 to 40 seconds, it may be worth buying a new mattress with ample space for each partner. You can also opt for bed surfaces that are known to isolate motion, like memory foam. This especially goes for couples whose kids climb into their bed at night, or the majority of dog and cat owners who let their pets sleep in their bed. Both children and pets move around more at night than adults do, while decreasing your precious mattress real estate. Pets can also cause allergies to flare up and germs to spread.
“The goal here would be to go after the root of the problem,” Wyatt said. “Make sure that pets have their own place to sleep. Make sure that children have learned good sleep habits on their own and feel safe and secure in their own bed.”
4) They don’t agree on the temperature
The National Sleep Foundation recommends 65 degrees as the ideal bedroom temperature, but that far from settles it for couples.
For Mary Helen Rogers, vice president of marketing and communications for the Better Sleep Council, the mantra “cool head and warm feet make for a good night’s sleep” leads the way. She suggested setting the bedroom thermostat to the lowest preferred temperature and having the person who wants to be warmer put on socks or invest in a weighted blanket. You could also get two twin size comforters or duvets so that each person has their own and can layer up or down as needed. There are also mattresses and pillows advertised with cooling elements like gel or moisture-wicking fabric.
5) They’re not winding down before bed
Experts recommend sticking to an evening routine that includes winding down an hour before bedtime. “For somebody who goes out and runs for 10 miles, it would seem ludicrous for that person not to wind down afterwards,” Zhou said. “At the same time, we would watch a really awesome Emmy-award winning TV show, keep our brains firing, and expect that when we close the iPad, we’re going to fall asleep.” The same goes for scrolling through social media and answering emails, which can be a tricky balance for partners.
“The priority is to find a way that you both get quality sleep, because that’s an investment in your relationship,” said Dr. Wendy Troxel, a senior behavioral scientist at the RAND Corporation who studies the links between close relationships and sleep. “When we’re sleep deprived, our mood suffers, we’re poorer at making decisions and problem solving, our communications skills suffer, we often have reduced frustration tolerance, and we’re less empathic.” All of which, she notes, are keys to maintaining a healthy relationship in the first place.
And, of course, they can simply tell us that they’re not feeling good.
Our dogs don’t have this option, but that doesn’t mean that they can’t feel sad or even depressed. While there’s not as much research out there as there is for humans (for obvious reasons), all kinds of anecdotal evidence exists pointing to dog depression.
Some stories seem more obvious, such as a dog suddenly shutting down and sleeping all day in the back of a closet after another dog in the pack dies. Others aren’t quite as straightforward, where dog owners might notice “moping” or “mood changes” after something like a move.
So, how do you know if your pup is experiencing canine depression? Here are several common signs — many of which are similar to signs of depression in people.
When some dogs are extremely sad, they lose interest in food and often lose weight. Alternatively, there are dogs that seem to use food as a kind of solace when they are depressed and want to eat more, leading to weight gain.
Sleeping All the Time
Dogs sleep a lot. That’s old news. But typically this happens when their owners are gone. If you leave your dog for a long time (say, for work) and he continues to sleep after you get home, barely reacting to your presence, something is probably wrong.
Check for physical problems first, but if you can’t find anything and the symptoms continue, he may be depressed. Also know that this can work in the opposite direction, with your pup having trouble sleeping and becoming restless.
Loss of Interest
If your dog suddenly loses interest in playing, going for walks, and other things that would normally excite her, take note. Dogs who become less active, slow down, or seem to lose purpose may be suffering from dog depression.
Excessive licking or chewing may be rooted in physiological or psychological issues. Depressed dogs will often lick or chew their paws to soothe themselves.
Avoidance and Hiding
Above I mentioned the story of the dog hiding in a closet because he was depressed. This kind of behavior typically means one of two things: illness or injury (with depression falling under the “illness” category). Dogs that suddenly hide or want to be left alone behave that way because something is bothering them. If it’s not physical, it’s likely emotional.
The biggest thing to remember is not to assume that your dog is depressed right off the bat. Often, issues that seem emotional really stem from physical, medical causes. The first thing to do if you notice a behavior change is to have your pup checked by your vet.
Has your dog shown signs of depression? What caused it and how did you treat it? Let us know in the comments!
Updated April 20, 2021 Updated April 20, 2021
Your move to university rides on a lot of built up expectations. You are consistently told your time at university will be the best years of your life, where you will meet lifelong friends and learn lots about things that interest you.
Unfortunately, sometimes university just doesn’t live up to these expectations – maybe you don’t particularly enjoy the lifestyle, perhaps you really don’t like your course, or even the people you’re living with. There are plenty of reasons that you might not be enjoying university life, and when it seems like everyone else is having the time of their life; it can sometimes feel like a completely isolating experience.
The reality is that university is tough, and even if you are coping with your course workload, there are many other aspects of university that can make it an unpleasant experience. It’s important to remember that you aren’t the only one feeling this way, and there’s always someone you can talk to about how you’re feeling.
Read on for some tips on what you should do if you’re not enjoying university.
Step 1: Figure out what’s making you unhappy
The first thing to do once you’ve established that you aren’t really enjoying university is to try to figure out why that is. This can be easier said than done; often when you’re unhappy, it’s due to a multitude of different reasons and factors, so it can be extremely difficult to select just one.
However, if you really think about it, you’ll likely discover that one factor is bothering you more than the others, whether it’s your accommodation, your current friendship group (or lack of), or your course.
Once you’ve isolated the problem, it’s easier to figure out how to fix it. Remember, most things in university can be changed, even if they don’t feel like they can right now, especially during your first year. Figure out what you want to change first about your university life, and then at least you have just one problem to tackle rather than a tangled mess of issues.
Step 2: Talk to people
Once you’ve established what it is you want to change, it’s now time to implement this change. Figure out whom you can contact to learn more about how to solve this issue.
If you want to change your accommodation, you can talk to your housing office on campus to see what options are available to you. Lots of universities often offer a room swapping scheme in your first year of university, where you can switch rooms with another student, or move to different accommodation.
If you’re struggling with, or just not enjoying your course, you should talk to your personal tutor to discuss what you should do about this. If you’re struggling, you can also talk to your lecturer about this after class, or during their office hours, and they may help by talking you through aspects of the module that you’re struggling with.
If you’re concerned that your unhappiness may be more serious, and that it may be associated with anxiety or depression, then you should consult your university’s mental health service. Most universities offer counselling services, which can be extremely helpful. If you’re unsure, it may be worth going to an initial consultation.
To help with homesickness, make sure you regularly call home, and keep in touch with your old school friends and family. It’s always good to discuss whatever is bothering you with people who know you well, and who care about you, especially in your first year when homesickness is likely to be at its peak.
Step 3: Give it time
You probably don’t want to hear this, but sometimes things do take a bit of time. Once you’ve figured out what it is that’s bothering you, wait a little while to see if it improves naturally on its own.
For example, if you’re only in your second week of your first year, and you’re struggling to establish a friendship group, this is entirely normal. Just because there are people who meet their best friends in the first week, these people are by no means the majority. A lot of students are going to be feeling the exact same way that you are. Sometimes friendship groups can take a bit longer to form, and you may not meet your close friends until later in the year.
Similarly, you may decide soon after starting that your course isn’t for you. While this might be the case, it may also be that the modules you’re currently taking aren’t ones that interest you. There may be other modules available that you would find way more enjoyable, and it’s definitely worth exploring.
If you’re in first year, generally give it at least until Christmas before you consider leaving. This allows you time to settle in, get used to your course, and make new friends.
Step 4: Decide whether university is right for you, or if you want to change courses
If you’ve already tried all of this, and university life isn’t getting any better, it may be worth considering whether university is right for you. University life isn’t for everyone and perhaps an apprenticeship will suit you better, or you could get work experience in the industry you want to work in, or perhaps you could take a gap year.
If you really dislike your course or university, making a change can be an extremely positive step. If you’re thinking of changing course you must do the relevant research. Get advice from tutors about what you can do to resolve any academic issues, in case you do decide to stay.
Before you make these decisions, consult your personal tutor or course leader, your course office and administrator, the student support service, as well as the careers service in your university.
Step 5: Changing courses or universities
If you do decide to leave or change courses, your university will be able to help you with the next steps. Remember, changing your mind after realizing something isn’t right for you isn’t a bad thing. If anything, it will likely help you out in the long run.
Transferring universities or changing courses can sometimes feel like the end of the world, but it really isn’t. Many students drop out of their course every year – it’s a lot more normal than you might think. Remember, changing your mind after realizing something isn’t right for you isn’t a bad thing! In the long run, you’ll probably be glad you made the decision to change something that wasn’t right for you.
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This article was originally published in October 2019 . It was last updated in April 2021
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